The Boltons had just arrived back at Winterfell, with Theon and Ruth in tow. As they stepped into the entrance hall, two female dogs came running up to Ramsay.

"Those are some nice-lookin' dogs," Ruth said, trying to make conversation.

"Glad you like them, Meg," Ramsay said. "Their names are Patty and Esther."

"That's funny. I used to have friends named Patty and Esther." They had been two of Ruth's fellow servants.

"Yeah, I name all my dogs after girls I've killed," Ramsay said casually. Ruth's jaw dropped.

Myranda took Ruth up to Meg's old room. Ramsay and his friends wandered off, leaving Theon alone in the hall with Roose.

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Roose opened it to find Roger standing outside, disguised as a wandering bard. Hayley and Jeff were behind him, dressed as musicians.

"Who are you?" Roose asked.

"My name's Abel the Bard, an' these are my friends Rowan an' Squirrel," Roger said, putting on a fake accent. "Yer son Ramsay hired us to perform at his weddin', he did."

"Okay," said Roose. "You can go set up your stuff in the banqueting hall."

"Could you possibly have come up with worse names?" Hayley asked Roger when they were out of Roose's earshot.

Roger shrugged. "I had to say the first names that came into my head. Otherwise, he would've known I was lying."

"Am I Rowan or Squirrel?" Jeff asked.

"Jeff, that doesn't matter!" Hayley said. "We need to come up with a plan to rescue Meg Griffin!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That night, Theon went to Ruth's room. "My lady. It is time," he said. "Ramsay wants me to give you away during the ceremony, since I'm the closest thing you have to kin."

Ruth raised her eyes. "I will be a good wife to him, even better than the real Meg would have been."

"Talk like that will get you killed," said Theon. "You've got to behave as though YOU are the real Meg."

"He knows who I am, though. I can see it in his eyes. What's the point of this façade?"

Theon explained, "Ramsay wants to marry Meg because of her claim to Winterfell. The real Meg's not available, so he's marrying you instead. But if people suspect you're not the real deal, everything will be ruined for Ramsay."

Ruth clutched at him. "You could help me. We could run away together."

"Ramsay and his dogs would just hunt us down."

"Please. I could be your wife, or your whore… whatever you wanted. You could be my man, Theon."

"I'm not Theon anymore," he said. "My name is Reek. It rhymes with weak."

He brought her outside to the godswood, where Ramsay stood before a heart tree. "Who comes?" he asked. "Who comes before the god?"

Theon answered. "Meg of House Griffin comes here to be wed. A woman grown and flowered, trueborn and noble, she comes to beg the blessings of the gods. Who comes to claim her?"

"Me," said Ramsay. "Ramsay of House Bolton, Lord of the Hornwood, heir to the Dreadfort. I claim her. Who gives her?"

"Theon of House Greyjoy, who was her father's ward." He turned to the bride. "Lady Meg, will you take this man?"

"I take this man," Ruth whispered.

Quick as that, it was done. Weddings went more quickly in the north. It came of not having priests, Theon supposed.

Then everyone went back inside to the banqueting hall, where Roger was playing a lute and singing in Spanish. "El perro, el perro, es mi corazon, el gato, el gato, el gato no es bueno!" Hayley played on a set of pipes, and Jeff banged a drum, but each of them seemed to have a different idea of what song they were playing.

Theon was sitting next between Bart Simpson and Gideon Gleeful at the table. Bart had his hands over his ears. "Ay carumba! Those musicians sound even worse than my sister wailing on her saxophone!"

"Oh, it ain't that bad," said Gideon, who was drunk for the first time in his life. "An' this is the best darn pork pie widdle old me has ever tasted! How come you're not eatin' it, Reek?"

"Not hungry," Theon said. Ramsay had left him with so many broken teeth that chewing was an agony.

Gideon got up from his seat and started dancing. "He sure is happy," Bart said. "And Shelly's happy too."

Theon followed Bart's gaze across the room, where Shelly Marsh was laughing and smiling, japing with Big and Little Walder and slapping them on the back, calling out to the musicians for this tune or that tune. "Give us 'The Night That Ended,' singer!" she bellowed.

"Okay," said Roger, but he just kept singing the "El Perro" song.

Then Ramsay stood up. "Lady Meg!" he said. "Come. It is time you did your duty." He looked over at Theon. "Reek, I want you to help me bring my bride to bed."

A shiver of fear went through Theon, but he knew better than to object.

Ramsay and Theon carried Ruth up to the old master bedroom, where Peter and Lois had once stayed. They laid her down on the bed. Tears stood in Ruth's eyes. Theon remembered the night he had slept in that bed. That was the last night before things started to go wrong for him.

"You gave the wench to me," Ramsay said. "Who better to unwrap the gift? Rip her clothes off, and when you're done with that, you can start warming her up for me."

"But I don't have a penis anymore," Theon said. "You cut it off, remember?"

"Use your mouth, ya dumb dick, use your mouth!" Ramsay said impatiently. "And if she's not wet by th' time I'm done disrobing, I'll take your tongue, Reek."

Theon bent down and leaned over the girl on the bed…

But then he straightened up, turned around, and punched Ramsay in the face! Ramsay fell back against the wall. "My name is not Reek!" he shouted. "It's Theon Greyjoy, and I'll thank you to call me that! You thought you brainwashed me, but you were wrong!"

But Ramsay couldn't hear him. He had been knocked out.

Theon pulled Ruth to her feet. "Come on," he said. "Let's get out of here before Ramsay wakes back up."

"But where can we go?" Ruth asked.

"We can escape out the window," he said.

They went over there and looked out. "It's a long way down," Ruth said.

"I think we can make it," said Theon.

Ruth took a deep breath. "All right. Let's hope we don't end up like Stewie Griffin."

Theon opened the window, grabbed Ruth about the waist, and jumped.