The Underlying Cause

"Can you light the candle for me?" The quirk specialist was short and round, his head bald as an egg. He had introduced himself as Manabu Ootsu, and he was, according to Tanaka, the head of the quirk therapy department of the hospital and one of the leading experts in Japan. Enji could appreciate that she had obviously attempted to find the best person for the task, but it was already obvious during their first hour together that the man didn't normally treat heroes.

Unimpressed, Enji's brows twitched in a show of annoyance. Then, without even looking at the candle, he lit it up— having no problems with the task whatsoever. His problem was not his lack of control, but the lack of heat. Of course, that was not something this doctor normally dealt with. He was what, 60 years old? Older, even? That made roughly forty years of experience at the job. And Enji was reasonably certain that during a majority of these years Ootsu had treated unruly teenagers and traumatized adults who had maybe experienced a villain attack and after that lost control over their quirk.

Frowning, the doctor looked at the candle. Then he glanced at Tanaka who had introduced the two just a short while earlier.

"There seems to be no problem with precise control," he finally admitted, and Enji could only barely suppress rolling his eyes. He should try being more pleasant, he decided. He'd asked for this help, after all. And he needed it dearly. Therefore, Enji should give this man at last a chance to help him. "Tanaka informed me that you are recently experiencing performance issues with your quirk. Can you elaborate further?"

Enji gave a small sigh, and leaned back in the chair. "I don't reach the same temperatures I used to." He kept the explanation curt.

"I see. So, we're only talking about the power output. No other issues regarding fine-tuned control?"

Hadn't he just tested for that?

To prove that control really wasn't his issue, Enji looked around the office for something to use. This was Ootsu's office. As head psychologist of his department, it was much more spacious than the one he was used to from Tanaka. It wasn't a therapy room. Apparently, Tanaka had decided Enji obviously felt more comfortable in a formal setting, putting a desk between him and his therapist. Or maybe Ootsu himself preferred it like that as well, and it was actually his idea. In any case, the room was nice enough. The man was apparently a fan of modern architecture. Wallpaper-sized framed pictures of interesting house designs made up almost one entire wall. A big window gave a nice view over the Musutafu skyline. In stark contrast, on the opposite side next to the door, there was a painting showing a scenic, narrow path through a dense forest.

Just like in Tanaka's office, there was one side filled with shelves overflowing with books. The closest shelf was close enough for Enji to pull out a book without standing up. Enji took a random one out; it had something to do with early childhood development, he guessed from the title. Quite a thick book. Wearily, Ootsu followed him with his eyes, before jumping up from his desk in panic when flames sprung from Enji's hand and arm with which he held the book. Tanaka pushed away from him in shock, knocking her chair over.

"What are you—!" Ootsu yelled out in surprise, waving his hands frantically, obviously trying to save his book. But before he could finish the sentence, Enji extinguished the flames and threw the book on the desk, unimpressed by the sudden panic of both doctors.

The book was completely undamaged. There was a thin layer of soot where Enji's thumb had touched it, but neither the textile binding nor the paper were singed at all. That was it, wasn't it? The ultimate test for fire quirk control. He'd trained hard to get to a point where he could control his fire and stop it from igniting burnable material despite close vicinity to his flames.

Ootsu snatched his book back from the desk. He had a tight-lipped expression, as he fastidiously wiped the soot away, checking the book over for any damage. His eyes widened just a little in amazement as he realized there was none. "I… see. That is impressive," he finally admitted, patting the book as if to calm a frightened animal before he pushed it back into its small gap on the shelf. "I'd appreciate a warning, next time."

Enji gave a curt nod.

"For most fire quirk users, control is the main issue to treat," he sighed in a thoughtful tone. "You also don't seem to have any trouble activating your quirk. Does it sometimes activate spontaneously or against your will?"

Enji shook his head, a little tired of these questions. "No," he grumbled. That wasn't his issue. His issue was no longer having the same power output, as he already told Ootsu.

"Then I will be honest. I don't believe your problems are quirk-related."

"What?" Enji was baffled. Maybe a little angry. Had the man just ignored everything he'd said about his issues? Perhaps it was useless after all – asking this man for help. "I can't reach Flashfire anymore," he tried more calmly. Ootsu likely had no idea what Flashfire was, beyond maybe knowing that it was part of his many ultimate moves. Still, if Ootsu couldn't see what Enji's problem was, maybe Enji had been too vague in his explanation. "It's a technique I could easily use before. Most of my attacks are based on that. I need to reach a certain temperature for it, but I just can't anymore. That's never been a problem ever since I was a teenager." He scowled. "How can my quirk be alright if I can hardly use it."

"But you can use it," Ootsu said in a patient tone. "You have no issues using your quirk. Your quirk control is beyond anything I've ever seen in a fire emitter. But don't get me wrong. I didn't say that there is no problem…" Enji was about to interrupt him to disagree, but the man raised his hand to stop him before he could do so. "I said that the problem is not related to your quirk. In this sense, you may want to look at your quirk performance issues as a symptom for another underlying cause."

Enji's surge of anger evaporated when he realized the explanation made sense.

"In quirk therapy, we try to help people dealing with difficulties they face because of their quirks. There is still a lot about quirks that we don't know, but what we do know is that quirks can influence the person beyond just being a handy superpower. Often, when the quirk appears at age four, the character of a person may change with it, but that can take time. My job is to help people deal with these changes. Taking fire quirks as an example, I've had quite a few patients in their childhood and teenage years who've had to deal with anger management issues, a hot temper or provocative nature. Something they weren't born with, but only developed later as their quirks evolved. I do my best to help people deal with these issues." He took a sip of water.

"The second most common group of people I treat are patients who have either naturally volatile quirks or who have – for other reasons – issues controlling their quirks. In these cases, I can help a patient understand and control their quirk, or I might even prescribe medication to suppress the quirk if it poses a threat to society." Ootsu's spoke in a calm, matter-of-fact tone. "In your case, although your control is perfect, your performance has worsened compared to what it was before. This means you would fall into the second category. However, in the case that a quirk performs poorly or is out of control for a reason other than the volatility of the quirk itself, the only way to successfully treat this is to treat the underlying cause. Of course, if the issues with your quirk were to pose a danger to society or to yourself, I could prescribe medication to help you suppress and control your quirk. However, as this is not the case, legally and medically my hands are bound. I cannot prescribe performance enhancement drugs, after all."

Enji scowled. Yes, he hadn't planned to use any steroids. If that was the only solution… He shook his head.

"I can write you a personal diet plan or help with a training routine, but as a pro-hero I suspect you are already aware of both."

Enji noted that the man hadn't said 'former pro-hero'.

"I would take the diet plan anyway," Enji sighed. He knew what was best to eat for him, but since December he hadn't cared much for that anymore.

"Of course," Ootsu nodded.

"Now, just because I said that quirk therapy is not the solution for you, does not mean that there is no solution. You are already treated by my colleague," he quickly glanced at Tanaka, "for post-traumatic stress disorder?"

Enji gritted his teeth. Post-traumatic stress disorder. Tanaka had given him the diagnosis at their last session. He wasn't angry that she had shared it with Ootsu – of course she had to share the basic information about his case to get his opinion – but he had been angry that she'd come to the conclusion in the first place. PTSD… And – she had said – symptoms of depression, though she hadn't been ready to write a diagnosis for that, yet. He didn't believe it.

He didn't have PTSD! Traumatized by doing his job? Yeah, the press would have a laugh at that. Not only was he unable to catch up to All Might, he was even too weak to handle his own job.

Stop it! All Might is just human.

Of course. All Might was just human. But did he have to deal with PTSD? Of course not!

You don't know that.

Still, despite how much he hated it, once Tanaka had explained it to him, he could find no fault in her diagnosis. Which was just as jarring as the diagnosis itself. Worse, even, was the mention of depression. What right did he have to be depressed, after what he'd done? He was eternally grateful that she hadn't written the diagnosis yet. However, the 'yet' concerned him a lot.

Japan's former number one hero suffering from PTSD and depression. He wanted to get back on the field, thought he could save the country… and he couldn't even deal with his own issues. There was a punchline hidden somewhere, he thought, but the joke wasn't very funny.

"It is quite common that PTSD – for example after a major villain attack – can lead to difficulties using a quirk. I have seen both: cases with patients suffering from a complete inability to access the quirk again, as well as cases with patients losing control over it completely. Your case is more subtle, but that may be the cause of it. The solution is, therefore, to treat your PTSD and hope that the quirk issues will then solve themselves. However—"

He paused, taking another small sip from a glass of water he had sitting at the side of his desk. After putting the glass back down, he folded his hands on the table. His eyes turned to Tanaka. "Please correct me, if I am wrong," he turned back to Enji. "Tanaka also informed me that you've been experiencing symptoms of depression. From what I know of your situation" – he was speaking about what he'd heard from the news, Enji knew – "that is quite understandable. You've gone through a lot lately. I imagine the last few weeks have been difficult?" he asked, but didn't wait for an answer. "Taking into account what Tanaka told me about you as well as what I've heard…through other means, as well as how you now sit in front of me – I imagine you've been feeling rather… down lately." He said the last words with a grimace as if he didn't like how vague 'feeling down' sounded.

Enji nodded when it became clear Ootsu was waiting for an answer. He didn't elaborate further, though.

Ootsu continued after a while. "Maybe let me do a little experiment. Can you tell me what your driving emotion was when you first developed this… Flashfire?"

"Anger," Enji said easily. He didn't even have to think about it. Even after he had learned to control it enough that he could separate his anger from his quirk and wouldn't randomly destroy things anymore, it had still been his driving emotion for most of his young adulthood. "And ambition."

"Did this follow you through adulthood too?" Ootsu asked in a tone as if he already knew the answer.

Enji nodded. There was more than that, of course. He'd gotten angrier and angrier the more time had passed without being able to catch up to All Might. There was a lot of frustration in these years, and hatred.

"Can you tell me in a few words how you felt during these last few months? When your quirk first started acting up, how did you feel?"

Enji knew where this was going. He also already knew the answer to the question. Still, he closed his eyes, and tried to remember. He could pinpoint that moment very clearly in his mind— he'd been in the hospital after Natsuo's kidnapping after finding out about Touya. Enji had felt sick back then, he'd cried pathetically… and then his quirk had failed him. For a moment, it had failed him completely. After that – though he was able to access it again – he never reached Flashfire again.

"Guilt…" he muttered. "I felt guilty. And empty…"

Tired, he remembered, and pathetic.

Ootsu nodded knowingly. "It is often said that our quirks influence our personality and our mental state. However, the opposite is true as well. Anger might be considered a negative emotion, but it gives us a lot of drive that can be fuel for your quirk. Guilt on the other hand, can be crippling."

It made sense, Enji knew. Still… He looked down at his lap. The hand resting there was shaking again.

So, this was it, then. There was nothing he could do. His anger, his frustration, his hatred… it had driven him to do horrible things. He couldn't go back there. If embracing that anger and reigniting it was necessary to bring his quirk back to its full potential… If shoving away his guilt was the only option… He didn't want that.

Was that what it was?

Maybe this was just what it boiled down to. Had his attempt to be a better person ruined his chances at being a better hero? Could he only pick one or the other— Was this the choice he had to make? His very own sacrifice?

His head sank a bit further. He felt tired when he finally answered. "I see," he whispered.

There was a long quiet pause, before Ootsu spoke again. His voice had taken on a kindly tone. "Todoroki, I'm not telling you to be angry again. I'm telling you to find something that drives you the same way your anger drove you. This is not a one-or-the-other scenario. Between hating the world and hating yourself, there are a myriad of options. In terms of your quirk, your guilt is a poison that will always drag you down, self-hatred is a poison, and so is self-doubt." Enji's head snapped back up to stare at Ootsu. He almost got whiplash from the harsh movement. "I'm telling you, to find a new source of fuel, so to speak."

"Fuel?" Enji repeated the word, but it wasn't really a question. He had understood perfectly what the man had said.

"I think Tanaka would be better suited to help you with that. She can treat you more thoroughly. The first step is to treat your PTSD and the symptoms of depression. If you are still unable to fully access your quirk after that, you can come back to me. For now, all I can suggest is that you try to adapt a more positive outlook as you train. Start your training believing that you will succeed, rather than knowing that you will fail." Ootsu sighed and paused for a moment, before wrinkles showed on his face as he smiled kindly. "I realize this may sound difficult and almost impossible to do, but often an optimistic outlook is worth more than all the sweat and tears. Unfortunately it is not something I can teach you."

Enji nodded. "Thank you," he said, though in his mind he was still thinking about the earlier point. Fuel… What would that be? He had lived off his anger for most of his life. What was there to replace that if it wasn't his guilt?

He was still deep in thought and no closer to a solution when the quirk specialist ended their meeting. Ootsu spoke to Tanaka briefly, exchanging some notes and information before offering to call him whenever, if there were more questions. When Enji finally caught up to the fact that the session was over, he stood up, bowed politely, and was about to leave the office when Ootsu called back to him as if he had just remembered something.

"There is something else, though it may not be relevant quite yet. Something you should be aware of. As we change and evolve as people, it is only natural that our quirks change and evolve with us, Todoroki. Maybe instead of trying to force yourself back to old heights, you should view this as a rediscovery process. Maybe, as you go along, you will find out that while some things are more difficult for you now, others may be easier. There may be things you can do now that you couldn't do before. You have forty years of experience with your quirk, and you may think that you know all there is to know about it— but that may not be true. Don't restrict yourself by trying to force your quirk to be the same it was before."

Enji didn't know what to think of these words. They seemed cryptic to him. He had used and trained his quirk any possible way there was. What new thing was there to discover for him? He bowed again, though he dismissed the comment for the most part. Ootsu wouldn't know how hard he had trained his quirk. He couldn't possibly know about how versatile his quirk already was.

He thought about Ootsu's words all the way back home, but ultimately, he came to no conclusion. His thoughts were circling uselessly, aimlessly. He was finally distracted when his phone pinged in his jacket.

It was a message from Shoto, asking him about their meeting next Saturday. Shoto…

Without thinking about what he was about to do, he pressed the button to call his son.


Next chapter, let's bring back the family for a bit.

Damn, did you see the fall out on Twitter? Apparently the offiial volume (26 I think) in english completely changed what Shoto said to his father. Made me realls frustrated! How dare they... I mean changing connotation and wording is one thing but changing essentially; "I'm here to use you" to "you're a rotten hero"... that's not even close to the original meaning. He says something else entirely... It's basicaly fanfiction. Just that it's the official Volume release...

Also, Spoilers for the current chapter:
Baby Hawks imagining his plush Endeavor coming alive was the cutest thing I'Ve seen in a while!