"That was a close one," Logan yelled at Conrad, after almost being hit with a snowball to the head, throwing one towards the 8-year-old, hitting his arm.
Another snowball flew in his direction, hitting him straight in the back. Logan fell down theatrically, face down in a pile of snow, only to have a 5-year-old jump on top of him.
"I surrender, " Logan called out, spitting snow out of his mouth. Instead the two boys threw a few more snowballs at him.
"Alright, I take revenge," he said, jumping back up, throwing two snowballs that he had secretly formed while he was down, simultaneously at Linus and Conrad.
"Ah, you win," Linus called, as a bit of snow had fallen down his collar, running towards the house.
"Alright, let's go too, lunch should be ready soon," Logan said to Conrad, patting his back.
"No snow in the living room!" Honor protested.
The boys took off their snow-boots and threw their coats on a bench by the back entrance, before throwing themselves in front of the tv and beginning the battle over the remote. Logan followed their lead but instead of the couch he joined his sister in the kitchen, where she was cooking pasta.
"Almost ready," Honor noted. The few days a week she was without a housekeeper, she was always a little on edge and later exhausted but at the same time trying to prove to herself she could in fact do what most mother's did on a daily basis.
"So how did it go in New York?" Logan inquired, having only received a minimal 'Fine, found the dress' from Rory the day before.
"Rory seemed fine. She found a fabulous dress, I am sure you'll love it," she replied, stirring the sauce in the pan.
"She'd look great wearing a potato sack," he laughed. While he understood the importance of the perfect wedding dress for a woman, he honestly didn't care what it was if it was Rory who was inside it.
"She really picked well, she's got good taste," Honor added.
"How did she seem?" he continued a moment later.
"She was fine, on the surface at least. Things were a little awkward with Lorelai, I think but she tried to be civil," Honor replied, tasting the sauce.
Logan sighed, feeling he really needed to figure out what was going on with them. However, there was something else she wanted to discuss with his sister, who was likely the only other person in the world to understand.
"I spoke to dad at Christmas. I had a feeling he was scheming something when he offered Rory the fellowship and the job," he began, "and apparently I wasn't wrong. He wants Rory and I to take over HPG some day," Logan added.
"Well the fact that he wants you to do it, really shouldn't be a surprise, he's been saying that since you were five. And frankly it could be worse, he could still be meddling with your affairs and setting you up with suitable women," Honor commented, preparing to drain the pasta.
"That looks heavy, you want me to help?" Logan offered. Honor gestured in agreement.
"Have you told Rory?" Honor asked.
"I haven't, plus it isn't like he's going to retire tomorrow," Logan explained, after putting the pot of pasta down.
"I get why you are hesitant to tell her, especially now, but I think at some point you should. It'd be worse if she found out from him," she added, pouring the sauce into the pot and stirring.
"Conrad! Linus! Lunch is ready!" Honor called.
"I know," Logan said reluctantly.
Meanwhile Rory had another with Cara, focusing herself as a student, finals freshly on her mind. That part had come easily. The only surprise was perhaps that among the people she searched approval from was also Richard, who having died three years ago, had no longer an opinion.
"What do you think your grandfather would think about you going back to Yale?" Cara asked.
"Honestly I think continuing my studies would be something he'd agree on, but I am not so sure about the way I did it," Rory replied.
"What do you mean exactly?" Cara asked.
"I asked for funding and co-operation from Mitchum, Logan's dad. After an incident during one of my internships, when Logan and I first dated, Mitchum pretty much crushed my dreams at that point about being a journalist. I took it pretty hard, took a break from Yale, and that was really something that Richard was not happy about. He confronted him even trying to protect me or defend me, telling him he had been wrong. Frankly I am not sure he was wrong, now years later. And I think that maybe me admitting that Mitchum might not have been wrong after all, or that Mitchum knew better than grandpa, might be something that would upset him," Rory explained.
"Why do you think it would upset him?" she continued.
"Because I'm taking Mitchum's word over his, not trusting his opinion," Rory replied.
"Family's expectations and opinions can be subjective, you know," she added.
"I know. But I can't really be sure Mitchum's aren't. There is always this suspicion at the back of my head that he does these things for some other reason that he's telling me. It could be because I am with Logan, or out of regret, though that is doubtful, or maybe something else, I don't know," she explained.
"Did asking for his help come easily?" Cara inquired.
"Surprisingly, yes. Mitchum has always been an authoritarian figure in my eyes, so it was nerve wracking, but as I knew him a little, it made it easier. I sort of wanted to show him that I was successful too, career wise at least and to show him that I wasn't afraid of him despite what had happened." she added.
"So what you are saying is that at least in part you search for his approval?" Cara reflected.
"I guess that's true," Rory agreed.
"Alright, our time is up for today, but please keep writing. Ideally continue with what we talked about today, but if something else feels right, don't let that stop you. Try to also think what would in your eyes classify as getting Mitchum's approval - is that something measurable or not?
Days after Cara's last visit, Rory had been trying to focus on studying for her finals, and on the surface she was doing fairly well at it. Memorizing terminology and key principles was not a problem, but contentrating enough to grasp the full concepts with the accompanied examples proved more difficult. Part of the problem was that the tension with Lorelai was keeping Rory up at night. That night she stared at the ceiling again, watching the shadows move. She definitely didn't want to tell her professors about her first world issues, nor simply drop out or take out academic leave like so many beginners did. She needed her studies to be one of the constants she could count on - that had always been one of the things she could control. However, she knew it would've been inherently difficult to focus on studying while their issues with Lorelai were unsolved. Rory kept hearing her words over and over in her head, recalling every tone of her voice as she had said it, the tonality had still been the same in New York a few days ago. That one argument really wasn't all there was to it, but it had brought back all memories of Lorelai being hesitant or even plainly disliking Logan. However minor those details had been, they'd blown up to something bigger.
She couldn't, didn't think she would be able to or dare to talk to her just yet, so she did the next best thing she could, hoping writing her next therapy assignment, would relieve some of that lingering stress. She snuck out of the bedroom and down the stairs, avoiding the step that squeaked, hoping not to wake Leah.
Rory opened her laptop, and continuing at the end of her previous assignment, she wrote.
'Rory Gilmore, the daughter of Lorelai Gilmore'
The difficult part about writing this, was that she was supposed to stick to the present, so she hesitated. Their current relationship had grown distant. Surely they spoke, and Lorelai babysat Leah every once in a while, but no longer on a daily basis as they had a couple of years ago, when Rory had been on her own, without Finn, Leah or Logan. She'd been over, but less and less often. While Rory was figuring herself out, managing her life the best way she knew how, Lorelai had her own life in Stars Hollow, the new inn annex blooming, a loving husband and plenty to do on the side. She'd stayed in her well formed life, expecting Rory to want to stay in that bubble. Yet Rory still had the urge for more, and that 'more' came with aspects Lorelai didn't agree with. Rory realized that she probably wasn't being the very best daughter in her eyes. It was almost as if their worlds were drifting apart, and Rory was probably drifting towards something resembling 'Emily-land', rather than 'Lorelai-land', in Lorelai's eyes. Things that came with using Emily's or Christophers's money and the status and financial security that came with Logan were not something Rory had aimed for, but unlike Lorelai she didn't feel the drive to swim away from those things as they didn't try to squeeze her into a mold like Lorelai had experienced in her teens herself. She was no longer the daughter who listened to her mother. She was an adult, after all, and she was making her own decisions. She could even understand why some of her decisions seemed self-destructive, as Lorelai had put it, to Lorelai. To a bystander going back to Logan could have seemed similar to an addict going back to her drug of choice. A fall back, instead of the stable but less adventurous path. Rory had spoken little about the undertones of her previous relationship with Logan to Lorelai, which most likely had given Lorelai the impression she had either just had irresponsible fun with him or had somehow been taken advantage of by Logan. Neither of those portrayed Logan in the best light. However Rory knew that this was not true. It had been an emotional struggle, holding on to the last threads of each other until the last moment, neither of them daring to ask the other one to change their lives around. In the past, most often her mother had accepted her decisions but the few times that popped into her head, Lorelai hadn't they involved the men she dated and of course her dropping out of Yale, which Lorelai surely blamed on the Huntzberger clan as well. Was a good daughter supposed to just hear her mother out and do what she was told? This certainly wasn't what Lorelai had done if Emily had told her, the old Emily at least.
I am my mother's daughter, Rory finally typed. Unlike my mother's wishes to stay in her bubble, I have no objections to the world on the outside, and that makes us similar. The difference is that what we see as the bubble are different things. I don't make the same choices as she would, partially as our lives have been very different. Yet I search for her approval and acceptance.
This chapter was short and concise, yet it said a lot. She went to sleep that night, finally feeling a little better about their argument. She could at least see some of her viewpoint after that reflection. She hoped they didn't have to just agree to disagree.
As she woke in the morning, she texted Cara.
"I'd like to do a joint appointment with my mother, after we have ours", taking Paris' advice.
Cara agreed.
Now she just needed to talk to Lorelai. She suddenly recalled a birthday which might have given them a common cause.
"Will you come with me to Grandpa's grave on his birthday?" she texted.
