Chapter Eighty Four:

Karakura was peaceful, content and brimming with life. Winter had drizzled away to reveal the first buds of Spring, the chill in the air balanced by the teasing warmth of the watery sunlight. Bare trees were beginning to summon hues of green canopy, while fresh flowers prepared to burst free from the soil and the tiny chirps of fledgling birds crept down from the various nests stowed away in the nooks of roofs and treetops.

Ichigo let out a long breath, leaning against the wall surrounding Mashiba Middle School. It was the last Friday of the month, and as per the ritual he had begun not long after losing his Shinigami powers, he was waiting to pick Kaida and Hotaru up from school.

It was a habit more than anything else, his survival plan had revolved heavily around spending time with the twins, and as a show of gratitude for the Ishida's allowing him their spare room, he'd started taking the twins to school every Friday, and picking them up again. He'd quickly learned to appreciate their bubbling energy as the perfect distraction for the loss still lingering in his heart. Their favourite activity after school was to sneak off to their favourite ice cream parlour before heading home.

Even though Chad had helped him find his own apartment, he continued the routine. Even when Keigo had given him the job at his nightclub, he had made sure his Friday shifts started late enough that he could enjoy his time with the twins.

Six months... Six long months, had passed since the end of the Winter War. He still hadn't seen anyone from Soul Society. While he was sure they could have slipped into Gigai to visit him, he wondered if they thought it would be too painful for him to see them. He was angry at the lack of contact, but deep down he knew that he wouldn't cope with seeing them come and go without him.

But his heart still ached for raven hair and steel eyes. Sometimes he woke in the middle of the night, momentarily forgetting his circumstances. He'd roll over and reach out, finding an empty bed. Ishida had tried to prescribe him sleeping tablets to help. He'd refused them. He never wanted to medicate himself to control his feelings again, doing that to escape Aizen's suspicions had been bad enough. He didn't want to risk forgetting. The pain was worth it.

His ears pricked up as he heard the school bell, and glanced around the front gate. Most of the parents were waiting inside the walls, but he didn't like mingling with them. It raised too many questions to explain who he was to faces that were familiar, after all, so many of his former classmates were now parents. Explaining to Keigo, Mizuiro and Tatsuki had been complicated enough.

He shuddered again as he remembered the rage induced punch Tatsuki had landed on him, his nose still ached in the cold. Ichigo sucked in a breath and smiled as he saw two bundles of excited joy rushing towards him.

"Ichi-ji!" Came unified shouts as arms wrapped around his waist.

In a few short months, Kaida had shot up in height now easily matching her brother. He could no longer pick her up with any ease, but he still enjoyed their hugs.

"Hey there you two." He ruffled their hair, holding out his hands for them, "How was school today?"

"Alright." The young boy smiled, "We got to go to the park today, I found a frog!"

"Wow, a frog?!" Ichigo gasped, "That sounds like great fun! What about you Kaida?"

"It was okay." She said quietly as she rested her head on his arm, "Are we going to get ice cream?"

Frowning faintly at her reluctance to say more about her day, he held her a little closer, "Of course we are! What flavour are you going to have today?"

"Chocolate!" Said Hotaru.

"Cherry!" Said Kaida, "What about you, Ichi-ji?!"

Ichigo chuckled softly and nodded, "Sounds like good choices to me! I think I'll have... Mm, caramel."

"Ichi-ji, will you tell us a story about Soul Society again while we eat?" The girl asked.

"Of course I will, if you want to hear one." He smiled, "What sort of story do you want to hear? Something... Spooky? Dramatic? Comedic?"

"Mm..." The girl put her finger to her lips and made a point of thinking it over, "I want to hear something romantic! Like how mum and dad got together! Do you have any stories like that?"

"Heh, well as it happens I can think of one or two good romances I can share." He grinned and laughed as he saw Hotaru roll his eyes, "And then maybe if we have time I can tell you about a super action packed fight as well."

The three of them headed through the streets at a leisurely pace, arriving at the parlour only a few minutes later. Ichigo ushered the two kids to their normal table while he ordered their ice creams. When he slid into the booth beside Kaida, he stretched his arms above his head and looked down at her. She was still being a lot quieter than normal.

"Hotaru, can you go and get some napkins for us please?" He asked, smiling.

"Huh? Sure." He shrugged, shuffling off.

Ichigo turned slightly in his seat, resting his cheek on his palm, "Kaida... What's going on? You're not yourself."

She glanced up at him and then looked down, clasping her hands together in her lap, "It's... It's nothing really..."

"If it's enough to bother you then it's something. You can tell me. Maybe I can help." He rested an arm around her shoulders comfortingly.

Kaida sucked in a deep breath and huffed it out all in one go, "Mum said when she was little some girls in her class didn't like her hair... And she said that... You had the same problem. How did you... What did you do about it?"

The strawberry raised an eyebrow and momentarily glanced upwards towards his own spiky hair, he clicked his tongue against his teeth, "Your mum was timid, she didn't fight back when kids bullied her because of her hair. I was the opposite. If someone didn't like how I looked and wanted to cause trouble because of it... I beat them up. You need to find something between those extremes. I don't want to hear that you've hit some kid, but I don't want to hear that you've let them hurt you. It's important to be bold, and to believe in yourself! There's nothing wrong with your hair, nothing wrong with your mum's hair and there's nothing wrong with mine."

She stared up at him with wide, innocent eyes, biting her bottom lip nervously, "I... I guess that's true. I wish I was as confident as you, Ichi-ji... You're so... Sure about everything..."

"Honestly, it's not about being confident. It's about realising that it doesn't matter what anyone else says. You are you. And you are perfect in yourself. If someone has the time to spare to bad mouth you then it just means they lack confidence too, and they make themselves feel better by making you feel worse." He murmured, "You just have to learn to accept that people can be mean, people can be cruel. But it only matters if you let it."

The girl lowered her eyes back to her lap as her brother returned, seemingly deep in thought over his words. She cheered up as their ice creams were delivered to the table and immediately tucked in.

"So you wanted a romance story huh?" He mused, twirling his spoon between his fingers, "Well, when I was a kid, I met this boy and this girl. Renji, and Rukia. They lived in Rukongai like me. We became friends and eventually went to Shino Academy together to become Shinigami. Renji was completely in love with Rukia, but he was too shy to ever act on it. Anyway, one day..."


Ichigo covered his mouth with his hand as he yawned, watching as Orihime ushered Kaida and Hotaru into the house. Ishida leaned against the door frame casually, nudging his glasses up his nose before folding his arms.

"How were they?" The Quincy asked.

The strawberry hesitated and stepped closer, rubbing his chin in thought as he spoke in a hushed tone, "Hotaru had a good day, he was fine. Kaida... She was quiet. She was asking about how to deal with kids who don't like the colour of her hair. I think it's safe to assume something's been said in passing at least."

"I see." Ishida sighed, "We were worried it would happen, kids never change. What did you say to her?"

"The truth. I told her to be bold and believe in herself, and to understand that kids who pick on her for her hair lack confidence in some aspect of themselves. I said it would only bother her if she let it. She didn't say much afterwards but... She seemed happier." He shrugged.

The dark haired male looked at his friend for a long moment before speaking, "Thank you for being there for her, Kurosaki."

"I wouldn't have it any other way, you know that." He wafted his gratitude aside with a lazy wave of his hand, "Besides, Hotaru will look out for her. He's a bright kid. They both are."

"As regretful as I am to have to admit it..." Ishida sniffed indignantly as he began to head back inside his home, "You have been a positive influence on my children. Goodnight, Kurosaki."

Ichigo smirked widely at his words, "Don't choke too hard on your words."

The strawberry left when the door clicked shut, taking the time to check his watch. He had a good half an hour before his shift started at the club, just enough time to get changed and make his way there if he put his mind to it.

His apartment wasn't too far from the Ishida residence, and he soon found himself trudging up to the third floor. With his keys in his hand, Ichigo felt a small tingle in the back of his skull like eyes were resting on him from afar. He turned, glancing out over the balcony, there was no one there. No one visible anyway.

"What are you even looking for, idiot." He muttered as he let himself into his flat, "You can't see anything."

The feelings of being followed, being watched, the tickling sensations in his skull and spine had been intermittent ever since the carnival. He'd given them little thought, assuming that they were little more than the dwindling remnants of his instincts, perhaps his body's way of telling him that a Hollow was near. Useless.

He slammed the door a little harder than necessary and stalked moodily into the bedroom to get changed. As he pulled on his black jeans and buttoned up his black shirt, he took a moment to glance in the mirror and checked himself over.

Ichigo had retained all of his muscle from years of training as a Shinigami, but he had shrunk back to his normal height after losing his Shinigami powers. Mugetsu had given him a few extra inches ahead of time. His hair was shorter even than it had been while in Division Five, closer resembling what it had been like during his Academy days. He was in half a mind to let it grow a little longer again, but he felt like it would bring back too many memories at the same time.

He bore three marks on his body, three marks that truly branded him with his time as a Shinigami. The scar on his chest from Gin's sword on Sôkyoku. The puckered skin on his shoulder from Ulquiorra's teeth. And the crimped skin across his throat from Ulquiorra's blade. Out of all of them, the one on his throat bothered him the most, as it had always done. It probably wasn't noticeable to people who didn't already know it was there, but for him it shone like a beacon. But it no longer burned with heat when he remembered his assault, ever since he had banished Ulquiorra's lingering reiatsu from his body it had become a normal scar.

Finally, the scowl line between his eyebrows was even more pronounced than it had been before, he spent all his time frowning unless he was with Kaida and Hotaru.

"Tch." He pulled his shoes back on and grabbed his satchel from the back of the door, fingers snagging a lightweight jacket as he passed too.

As he jogged to work, his mind began to wander. He found himself thinking about the last six months, how different his life had become.

In Soul Society, every day had been a new challenge. With new duties and the constant threat of Hollows needing to be put down. One thing was for sure, his life had never exactly been boring. If he hadn't been spying for Aizen, he'd been trying to trap Byakuya, and then he'd been spying for Byakuya and trying to trap Aizen. Never a dull moment where espionage and assassination was involved.

Life in Karakura was a polar opposite. It was mundane. Simple. Wake up, eat, read a book, eat, watch TV, eat, go to work, go to bed. Things were dull. Slower paced than he liked. He was never sure quite what to do with his time. He'd taken up numerous hobbies in an effort to entertain himself. Cooking, learning new languages, drawing, yoga, he had joined Orihime in tending to the memorial garden, he'd even taken a few shifts at her bakery but he wasn't really cut out for cake making. Nothing really filled the gap. It was just killing time. Keeping his mind away from what he was missing.

One thing that did help was meeting up with Tatsuki every Sunday at the dōjō she tutored at for karate practice. It kept him in shape and it was good to be able to flex his muscles in a workout with someone who knew what they were doing.

Ichigo shook his head to clear his thoughts as the club came into view. The last thing he needed was to be overly distracted while making all manner of drinks and dealing with rowdy idiots. He waved to the bouncer on duty and headed inside, throwing his bag and jacket into the staff room before hastily heading towards the bar.

Despite the early hour, the club was already buzzing. Friday nights were always the same. The thrum of the music ran through his body like a drum, the strobe lighting flickered and swivelled, pulsing in all contortions of colours. There were already over two dozen bodies packed onto the dance floor, with many more gently nodding their heads to the undertones of heavy metal while ordering drinks at the bar.

"Ichigo!" Keigo's voice reached his ears over the pounding bass, "You're late!"

"I know, I know." He muttered, taking his place behind the bar.

He started serving the waiting customers, taking money and handing back the change, mixing or pouring the drinks and delivering them into greedy and eager hands. It was methodic, easy, a bit like breathing.

He was sure some things would never change, like the fact he trained for everything like it was a battle. Learning to mix cocktails had been like learning the correct stances for hand-to-hand combat. Remembering the names and prices of all the drinks had been like remembering all the names, numbers and incantations for Kidō. Ichigo wondered if his battle instincts would ever fade away.

It was easy to lose track of how many people he served, none of them were anything special that he would remember, and none of them were interested in bar side small talk. Which was fine by him, he was rarely in the mood for small talk.

After a while, the flow of thirsty men and women slowed, allowing Ichigo the chance to grab himself a water and rest against the counter. He found his gaze drawn to the dance floor, it was easy to spot couples dancing together. The way their bodies seemed to mingle together, fitting like jigsaw pieces, moving as one in perfect understanding.

It made him cast his mind back to his engagement party in Rukongai. Byakuya had taken his breath away, like always, dancing together in front of everyone without a care in the world. He missed the feeling of being held like that. The feeling of firm, possessive hands on his waist and eyes that never left his face. He missed being treated like the most important person in the room by the only person that mattered.

"Ichigo! We've got an emergency!" Keigo's shout roused him immediately from his thoughts.

"What is it?" He grumbled, standing straight as he finished his water.

His old friend was clearly freaking out, eyes wide and posture awkward, "We've got a super important guest in the private rooms tonight, they're spending serious money and are going to do us the world of good with our popularity in town. But the barman who was looking after them has had to go home sick! I hate to ask but... Can you head through and take over?"

Ichigo blinked, "You want me to deal with a V.I.P?" After all, it wasn't his people skills that kept him in a job.

"If I had another option I'd take it. But you're the best I've got. Just... Be polite, don't accidentally over charge them, do whatever you have to do to keep the drinks flowing and the money coming. And try not to scowl!"

"Ugh..." The strawberry groaned and reluctantly nodded, "Alright, fine."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'll add a little extra to your pay packet this month!" Keigo seemed to relax and wandered off.

Staring momentarily at the brunet's back, Ichigo let out a long sigh and squeezed through the throngs of dancing youths, slipping into the V.I.P rooms at the back of the club.

The rooms were darkly lit compared to the front of house, with pale yellow lights casting shadows on the corners of the room, there was a single long bar at one end while the rest of the space was occupied by sleek leather couches and chairs.

Keeping his head down as he slipped behind the bar and checked the orders left by his predecessor, Ichigo began making the drinks that had been missed, silently assessing the people scattered in the chairs. He froze as he took in the appearance of the people in front of him, mouth falling open as the mixer he'd been using fell from his fingers and clattered to the floor noisily. He was sure his heart was going to burst clean out of his chest, it had begun to pound so harshly against his breastbone.

Bright bubblegum pink hair and whiskey coloured eyes were framed by slender silver frames. Electric blue hair and matching eyes with feline green markings under them inspected him with a wide toothy smirk. Long sea green hair curled free from beneath a cute white beanie while gentle hazel eyes twinkled with amusement. Spiky blond hair ran freely for once, aqua eyes scanning the room curiously. Wavy brown hair was swept back while solemn grey eyes inspected the glass of bourbon in front of them.

Ichigo's mouth ran dry as he looked at them each in turn, making some choked spluttering noise as he found his voice, "Szayel? Grimmjow? W-What are you all doing here? Nelliel... Harribel... Starrk? I... What's..."

"No need to blow a blood vessel, kid." Grimmjow chuckled throatily, "We thought we'd drop in and say hi."

"It's good to see you, Ichigo!" Nelliel beamed at him.

"Do I need to run some medical checks on you, you look ready to pass out?" Szayel smirked.

"Give him time to process everything, idiot." Harribel muttered.

Starrk stood up slowly and approached the bar, leaning against it casually, "You doing okay, Cero?"

Ichigo's chest tightened at the sound of his former title, his heart aching to hear it, he found himself staring up at him like he thought he'd vanish, "I need a drink."

"Well, you're in the right place." The Primera chuckled, "Come and sit down, I already cleared it with your boss."

"You spoke to Keigo?" He asked, allowing himself to be guided into a seat.

"Is that so surprising?"

"Kind of." He muttered, looking around at them all, "You guys... You look really well."

"Thank you." Someone replied.

Ichigo was then struck with the realisation that they all looked Human, they were all in Gigai. He could see Harribel's mouth and Grimmjow's jaw. It tickled him with a peculiar sensation, and at the same time it made him ache.

"I... I haven't heard anything..." He began, biting his lip, "I thought everyone was... Staying away for my benefit or something..."

"Not exactly." Grimmjow snorted, "Things ain't been easy over there since Aizen's arrest and sentencin'. There was a lot of mess to clean up. Kyōraku kinda... Told everyone they weren't allowed to come and see ya until everythin' was sorted."

"It's not because he doesn't appreciate what you did." Szayel added quickly, "It's simply a matter of... Priorities."

Rubbing his forehead, Ichigo let out a huff, "I can understand it. I guess... There's a lot of stuff that needs sorting..."

"Have you been doing alright, Ichigo?" Nelliel asked sweetly, tilting her head in concern for him.

"I'm... Surviving." Ichigo replied with a shrug, trying to return a smile to her but failing miserably, "Adapting has been... Hard."

"For us too." Starrk moaned.

"Oh? What do you mean?"

"We're all living in Soul Society." Harribel ran a hand through her hair, "Byakuya-san... He... Allowed us to move into the Shiba Estate so that we could stay. Hueco Mundo didn't feel like home anymore..."

He felt his stomach knot at the mention of his lover and he winced, jaw setting tightly, "That's good... I'm glad... He did that. How... How is he?"

"Stubbornly refusin' to admit anythin' is wrong." Grimmjow tutted.

"Byakuya-san is doing fine," the Tres Espada glared at the Sexta, "However, according to Renji he has reverted a little bit. He's acting more like his old self. Dedicated to his work, stubbornly sticking to the rules. Although he's missed one or two meetings of late."

"Sounds about right." Ichigo almost smiled, but it died before reaching his eyes, "Thank you for coming and... Telling me."

The Primera began awkwardly, "That's not technically the reasons for us being here... You see..."

"We ain't meant to be." The Sexta interjected, "Technically... We're still under orders not to visit you..."

"But we had to." Nelliel balled a fist, though it simply looked cute in her current outfit.

"Why? What's going on? Aizen didn't escape did he?" The strawberry frowned.

"Nothing like that." Harribel said swiftly, "However... One of the reasons your friends were forbidden to visit was because that shape changing Hollow is still on the loose."

"Izanshi?" Ichigo raised an eyebrow, "I thought someone would have caught him by now... He's dangerous to leave alive. I wish I'd been able to kill him myself but..."

"Don't beat yourself up, you had a lot to do that day." Starrk patted his shoulder, "Anyway... We're here because... We had to warn you."

"Warn me?"

"We think, or rather we know, Izanshi came to the World of the Living about a week ago, or at least one of his bodies did, we have no idea how many of his clones are still in circulation, although we have managed to hunt down a good number of them. Despite the Shinigami trying to contain him he managed to slip away. It's not hard to suspect that he might come after you, I mean you foiled Aizen's plans." The brown haired Arrancar continued.

"Shit... I'll have to let Ishida know. He'll probably want to monitor any unusual Hollow activity in the... Oh... He might have a fit when he senses you all." He trailed off.

"No need for concern," Szayel nudged his glasses up his nose, "We visited the hospital earlier today to explain our presence."

"He never said..." He grumbled.

"We asked him not to. We thought it would be a nice surprise!" Nelliel beamed.

"I bet he had a fit when he saw you all." Ichigo found himself giggling in spite of himself when a glass of whiskey was thrust into his hand.

"Something like that." Grimmjow grinned.

"We miss you, Cero." Starrk said after a moment, "For no matter how short a length of time it was, you were our leader. Our real leader. You freed us from Aizen. Freed us from his spell."

"I miss you all too." He said quietly, pulling at the arm of the chair restlessly, "I miss everyone. I miss that life... That job... My duty... But this is what I've got so... I just have to deal with it."

"Don't give up hope." Harribel sat forwards, resting a hand on his knee, "Don't stop believing in who you are."

"As if I could do that." The strawberry offered an awkward expression somewhere between a smile and a frown, "It's really good to see you all... I'm so glad you're alright. I'm sorry about Nnoitra..."

"We laid him to rest after the battle. Hopefully his soul has been taken into the cycle of rebirth... Perhaps we will even see him again one day." Nelliel brushed his cheek tenderly with her fingers.

Their attention was drawn by the sudden bleeping of a denreishinki coming from Starrk's back pocket and the Primera swore, "Time's up I'm afraid. That's Urahara warning us that we've got to get back."

Ichigo swallowed and got to his feet as the Espada did, "It was great to see you all." He said with a weak half smile.

There were murmured goodbyes and a hug from Nelliel as the room emptied. Starrk shoved a bundle of money into Ichigo's hand, to apparently cover the use of the room and drinks. When the door swung shut behind them, the strawberry sank back down into his chair and stared blankly at the floor. The little warmth he had felt from their surprise presence had chilled to ice and he suddenly felt incredibly empty.

"Ichigo?"

He looked around as he heard Keigo's voice and he let out a huff, getting to his feet sharply, "I'm going home." He muttered shortly, shoving the money into his friend's grasp.

Ichigo snatched his bag and jacket from the staff room and fled the club without a backwards glance. It was too noisy. Too compressed with people. He didn't want to pretend to be okay. He didn't want to listen to the life stories of people who had no idea what it was like to lose everything they cared about.

He slowed his pace just a little as he passed the memorial garden dedicated to his family, his eyes instinctively searching for the single orange flower he had created with Shiro's help. It was the final straw to see it wilted, dying and turning a dull shade of brown.