It took a total of twenty minutes for Anna to get dressed and sluggishly drag herself down to the living room. She was greeted with the sight of Meg watching a cartoon with her son sitting by her side. When the little boy noticed her, he quickly jumped from the sofa.
"Anya, are you going out?"
The redhead bit her lip and nodded. "Mhm."
"Where are you going? Mama and I are watching Mulan. Do you wanna watch it with us?"
Anna glanced at the television and found that they were indeed watching said movie. Her fingers that were seconds ago trembling froze in place on top of the boy's head.
"Where are you going?" Her sister asked, snapping Anna from her trance. Meg tilted her head and gently nudged her son to sit down.
Anna let her hands rest on her sides again, shifting her gaze back to the show after sparing Meg a glance. She had watched the movie a hundred times, but a particular moment in her memory stood out the most. She pressed her lips in a thin line, throat constricting as she watched Mulan get dressed for her meeting with the Matchmaker.
"Meg?" she called softly, slightly glad her nephew was now engrossed in the film and not paying her any mind. The memories from her first visit with the Daltons made the tightness on her throat grow on an intensity that she nearly choked. "Can I really do this?"
It was small, almost barely there, but Meg's lips curled into a smile as she looked at Anna with a confidence that made Anna think that, maybe, everything would turn out alright. "Do you want to?"
That was the question, wasn't it?
Anna swallowed with difficulty. She poked her fingers together and frowned, channeling all of her willpower to stop the trembling of her knees. Her nerves were getting the best of her and it made her want to throw up. She took in a shuddering breath and released it slowly.
"Anya, come on, come on! Let's watch it!" William urged, patting the free spot on his other side.
Meg shook her head with a chuckle and rubbed her son's head. "Liam, your aunt needs to go somewhere."
"Oh." William looked downtrodden for a second, and then he looked back at Anna with a big, gleeful smile. "Okay! Be careful!"
Without humoring the kid, Anna smiled. "I'll see you later, Liam," she said and she shifted her attention back to her sister. Meg nodded and waved her goodbye before Anna turned around and left.
About an hour of constantly stopping somewhere and driving towards her destination passed before Anna found herself parked by the curb quite a distance from Frozen Fractals. With her forehead pressed against the steering wheel, she quietly mumbled to herself.
This is a terrible idea.
But really. Anna had already messed things up. She couldn't mess it up any more than she already had. Right? Anna turned the engine off and walked towards the studio before the fear took hold of her again. She stopped by the front steps, angling her head and squinting to make sure her eyes were not deceiving her.
Through the glass doors, she could see a... crowd.
Among the people inside was Rapunzel, taking photos of the guests. Suddenly, the brunette spun around and their eyes connected. Anna flinched and unconsciously stepped back. Before she could take another step away from the door, Rapunzel walked over and opened it. The chime above rang loudly in her ears.
"Client?"
"Uh..." Anna glanced behind the brunette and nearly cringed as she saw the huge line. "No."
Rapunzel nodded. "Good, help me out."
"Me? I don't know anything about taking pictures."
"That's fine. I just need your help in organizing stuff while Olaf and Sen talk to some clients."
"Oh, okay." Anna took the offered lens and followed Rapunzel inside. "Is... Elsa here?"
"She stopped by her parents' house. She said she's going to drop something off before coming here. It's been a hectic schedule lately."
The breath caught somewhere in her throat. She had not received any news about Elsa's family situation in a while. The last time she heard something was when they came back from Corona. Judging by Rapunzel's expression, it seemed everything was well. Anna gritted her teeth.
"I always thought Sen was exaggerating," Rapunzel said as she placed an album on one of the drawers. "But ever since your brother's wedding, people have been coming in and out of this place. He must really be a hotshot in the industry."
"Wai- What?"
Rapunzel raised an eyebrow. "Your brother?"
Before Anna could respond, Senya stepped outside of her office with someone. "Thank you for coming," she said. She turned to the front desk and her eyes widened as they landed on the redhead. "Anna! Hey, what are you doing here? How's your brother?"
"He's still on a honeymoon in France," Anna answered, and then she glanced around the place and shivered upon seeing some familiar faces. "Busy day?"
"You have no idea," the musician chuckled. "Anyway, I should get back to work."
Senya called for the next person and guided them inside their office. Before the door closed, Anna caught a glimpse of Olaf behind a desk, greeting the client with a warm welcome. With that done, she and Rapunzel went back to organizing some albums and equipment.
It did not take long before Elsa arrived.
Anna's heart stopped as their eyes met. If Elsa was not standing by the only exit, she knew she might have already run away. She swallowed hard, small beads of sweat dotting the side of her forehead. Elsa's mouth parted slowly as her eyebrows flew to her hairline.
"Hey, it's you, isn't it? Chelsea?"
Anna jumped, head snapping to the unpleasant and oddly familiar voice. A tall man looking around Hans' age made his way to Elsa and cupped his chin, eyeing her carefully. Elsa stepped back and rubbed her elbow as her shoulders rose to her ears.
"Really?" A woman stood from one of the chairs. "The composer? Oh, this is great! Here, take this." She grabbed something inside her purse and pushed it towards the blonde. "If you want to get your songs published."
Rapunzel face-palmed. "Here we go again."
Anna flinched. "How...?"
The brunette sighed. "Hundreds of people heard Hans talk about that piece. Looks like everyone did their research."
No wonder she recognized some of these people.
"He... knows?" A stupid question if Anna ever asked one. Meg practically told her the day after the wedding that he already had a hunch as to why she was acting the way she was. Hans was not stupid. It was one of the reasons why she wanted to talk to Elsa. To apologize for this, and for everything else.
"Even if it was Hans who found you, think it over, okay?" The guy from earlier said again. "With a talent like yours, you'll have a brighter future with my company than his."
Despite the discomfort and guilt that had been crushing her, Anna growled at the implication. She balled her hands into tight fists and stepped forward. "What did you say?" she hissed.
The man was about to turn Anna's way when Elsa cleared her throat. "I think I will be fine, Sir."
"Hn." The man's eyebrow twitched. "Is that so?"
Right on cue, Olaf and Senya stepped out of their office and stumbled upon the awkward scene. "Uh... What's going on?" The photographer asked.
"Nothing important, Oliver." The man ran a hand through his smooth brown hair and chuckled. "I must say, you have a very interesting cousin. Where have you been hiding her?" He shook his head and walked towards the exit, waving his hand and chuckling continuously.
Everyone exchanged glances and shrugged, scratching their heads. "What's with him?" Rapunzel asked.
"Adam," Anna grumbled, crossing her arms. "The guy's always been against Hans."
"I can't believe their one-sided rivalry is still ongoing," Senya said.
"Well, I'm glad he didn't cause any ruckus. How's the shoot going, Rapz?" Olaf asked, watching as the girl resumed what she had been doing before the commotion.
"Almost done!" The brunette said, taking another shot of the studio.
"Great!" He glanced at Anna and then at Elsa who was still standing near the door. "Why don't you two stay in the backroom for now? We're about to wrap up," he suggested before calling in the same woman who had given Elsa a business card to their office.
Elsa pursed her lips and watched the brunette do her job. "Will you be okay, Rapz?"
"Yeah, I'm almost done."
Elsa and Anna stood in place, both quietly watching Rapunzel while avoiding looking at each other. Anna clicked her tongue silently. She knew she had to say something—anything—to fix this mess she had created for herself. But... what?
Elsa cleared her throat. "Do you want anything to drink?"
Startled out of her inner stupor, Anna squeaked and pressed a palm against her chest. Both of their eyes widened. It took a few seconds before Anna realized that a question has been asked. A few deep breaths made her function well enough to shake her head 'no'.
"Okay. I'll... make some tea. For me, that is. Do you want to come?"
Elsa shifted on her feet before walking to the backroom. She stopped around a corner and gave Anna a lingering look which she took as a sign to follow. Every step that Anna took felt heavier than the last and she could practically hear her joints rubbing against each other. They screamed at her to turn around and that the exit was not this way. She folded her arms, pressing them closer to her body, and gritted her teeth as she tried to push the thought away.
The blonde gestured to one of the seats. "How are you?"
"I'm fi—" She met Elsa's gaze and hesitated. "I... I'm sorry."
Elsa heated water on their electric kettle. "For what?"
Like a little kid being scolded, Anna opted to watch the floor. Her cold, trembling fingers brushed against the back of the closest chair as she wrestled with herself on how to answer that question. There were many things she wanted to apologize for. Her silence, her avoidance, her breakdown. But as she remembered what was happening outside the room, she decided to start with, "Hans? He found out and... Did you... Did he say anything?"
"He did. He came here the day after the wedding."
Anna winced. "What did he say?"
"He wants me to work for him and that it's okay if I can't do it now. It went... better than I expected, actually." Elsa stared at the kettle until it was done heating. She poured the contents into a mug and approached the table. "I don't hate you, you know? Even now. Even after he came here and... asked questions? I don't hate you for it."
Anna's breath hitched. Her knees wobbled as the words reached her ears and they almost brought tears to her eyes. There was a subtle smile on Elsa's lips that almost looked wistful. So soft, so gentle, so... heartbreaking.
With a deep breath, Anna blinked the pricking sensation away and pulled the chair back to take a seat across Elsa. As soon as she was seated, her legs bounced uncontrollably under the table. She pressed her hands against her knees to try and stop them from moving too much. "I'm sorry," she started, voice cracking and small enough that even she struggled to hear it. "I..."
How can jumbled thoughts be converted into coherent words? Anna was slowly starting to realize she should've thought of this over some more.
"Anna?" Elsa coaxed, grabbing her attention. "You said you think I'll hate you like the... others? I don't know why you thought that or what happened for you to think that way, but I want to understand. I still want to."
Anna dug her fingers on her knees and released a long breath, letting the wave of uncertainty wash over her. There was no way she was going to calm down. There was no way she could silence the rampant noise inside her head. But, as she stared at the worried blues before her, she also realized she couldn't run anymore. Not after hearing those... considerate words.
"I don't want you to push me away, Elsa."
"Anna—" Elsa paused. Noticing the slight slip on her accent, Anna bit the inside of her cheek. Elsa inhaled softly and settled with saying, "Why would I do that?"
Why wouldn't she? Ever since Anna had known her, Elsa had always put others before herself. It didn't matter how difficult the situation was; she would always, always be there for someone else. That kind of attitude, there was no way it would last. Elsa would have to snap at some point.
"You do things that you don't want to just to make other people happy. You did it for your parents when you... dressed as Cindy." Anna inwardly cursed when she saw the blonde's fingers twitch. She was about to leave it there, afraid that she offended somehow, but Elsa merely tilted her head as if she was urging her to continue. "I'm scared that you, letting my brother know about who you are, is the same thing. That you're only doing it... so that I won't feel bad anymore."
Silence fell upon them after the confession.
Then Elsa whispered softly, "...but that was my decision."
I know.
Anna hasn't forgotten about that conversation she had overheard between Elsa and Gerda back in Corona. Elsa, herself, had admitted then that she didn't only decide to live her life as her sister for her parents, but also for herself. Because she wanted to know how it felt to be loved. But even so—even so!—Elsa still suffered because of it. She may have realized after that that she had other reasons, but it didn't change the fact that she originally did it because she thought it would make her parents proud.
And that was what scared Anna.
She didn't want Elsa to wake up someday and realize she made a mistake by admitting who she was. Her secret was out, sure, and everyone already knew about it. But still. Even if it was difficult, Anna didn't mind waiting until Elsa was actually ready. It didn't matter how long it would take. She had wanted to remain silent and quietly observe things from afar. It was easier. It was safer. That way, the possibility of saying something reckless was nonexistent. That way, Elsa wouldn't blame her if things went wrong because she had let her come to a decision on her own.
That was the plan. That was what was supposed to have happened.
So... why?
[You're not giving me much of a choice.]
Why did Elsa have to go and decide on something while taking Anna's feelings into consideration? That wasn't what Anna wanted. She didn't want Elsa to think about her in any decision she had to make. She didn't want Elsa to care. If she was going to do something, Anna would rather see her do it because it was what she wanted to do—not because she thought it would have made Anna's life easier.
"Agnarr West," Anna choked. "Do you know him?"
It didn't take a second before a glint of recognition flashed in Elsa's eyes. Anna twiddled with her thumbs as she let the minutes stretch between them. She had barely said anything, and yet she already wanted to stop. Her sister's voice echoed in her head; the words urging her to sit tight and swallow the rising doubts and fears. Obviously, staying silent was no longer an option. For better or for worse, Anna had to try and take a risk.
"The founder of South Royal Records?"
Agnarr West—a screen name short for Westergaard—was the man behind the most successful Music Production Company in Arendelle. His name was all over the news, plowing through all the other companies with ease when Anna was still young. Over the course of the years, he had been an iconic individual. No one in the music industry did not know who he was. If Elsa had been a music lover before the incident with her sister, Anna had no doubt she also knew about him and his tragic fate.
"He's my father."
Elsa's mouth fell open. "He... He is?"
Anna nodded. "Ariel and I went to a music school when we were children. We went every weekday after our regular classes and even on weekends. That's where we... first met Vanessa."
"Oh."
"I was loud, friendly, and playful as a child. Having those traits while being the daughter of the one and only Agnarr West made me the perfect friend. You can... imagine what it's like, going to a music school and being introduced as his daughter," she muttered. "Meg preferred watching our mother cook and helping her out, but she could adapt to any situation. She was able to do well in music school too. But Hans is another story. He's just like our father, a musical genius. People... expected the same from me."
Elsa's mouth parted slowly as her eyebrows shot upwards. Anna swallowed the huge ball forming on her throat. The voice at the back of her head told her to stop. That Elsa didn't care about her life story, or that she was only pushing her problems to someone who already had a lot—
"I wasn't that good," she croaked. "At the very least, I was average. But being born into a wealthy family full of talented people, I was forced to live up to expectations. If I don't succeed, people would call me different, a mistake, and sometimes, even adopted. But if I do, they'd say it was only because my parents pulled some strings. All because I'm not gifted like my brother and sister."
A shudder ran down her spine as she saw the frown form on Elsa's face. Tightening her curled up fists, she dropped her gaze and stared at the blonde's fingers instead, knowing she would stop talking the moment she looked up again.
"My parents never pressured us. They sent us there to see if we would like it, that's all. It was the people who did. For years, I tried to keep going because I wanted to prove I can do it just as well as anyone. I... struggled with the classes a lot."
"Anna..."
"Vanessa—" She choked, vision blurring as the memories she had with the girl came rushing back to her mind. "She was the first person who treated me differently. She wasn't like the other kids who talked about how lucky I was to have a famous father. She didn't pamper me the way the older students and teachers did every time a family member watched our rehearsals and recitals. When people talked behind my back, she did it to my face. I was thankful for that."
Elsa leaned forward and stared at Anna intensely until the redhead gave in and lift her eyes to meet her gaze. "Why?"
A sad smile made its way to her lips. "I grew up with people doting on me, praising me, and smiling at me because I was Agnarr's daughter, Elsa. In that kind of life where everything was scripted, it was her honesty that gave me strength."
It was Elsa's turn to drop her gaze on the table and lean back. "Were you... close?"
"She was my best friend."
Elsa grabbed her mug and drank the contents as if to fill the silence. Guilt grew in Anna's chest, growing bigger and bigger as she realized how long she had hidden this fact from Elsa. How long she had been looking at her as if she was going to turn out the same way the brunette senior did.
"I'm sorry," Anna whispered.
"I... thought you never got along."
"We weren't always like this. Growing up together, she... wasn't the kindest person, I admit. But she was the only real friend I had. She knew I wasn't a genius like my father and Hans. That in my case, I needed to put in more effort because I didn't have raw talent. She was blunt about it to a point of being mean, but through it all... she'd always be there to help me improve."
"What happened?"
Anna pursed her lips, her thoughts strangely settling into a silent hum. Her fingers stopped trembling as the question hang in the air.
"Anna?"
Sliding her eyes shut, Anna released a slow and silent breath. "I don't know."
"You don't...?"
She opened her eyes again, gaze transfixed to the same tea Elsa made. "We were fine. Everything was alright until... until a car accident took my father's life. She became distant after that and she just... shut me out. She stopped coming to the music school, too. I didn't see her again until Ariel and I entered the same Junior High she was already in."
"Just like that?" Elsa's brows furrowed. "Did you ever find out why?"
Anna licked her lips and blinked the impending tears away. "Ariel said she was just using me, but I didn't believe her. I couldn't. I didn't want to think that the only friend I had was... the same as everyone else. It's easier to think... that maybe I did something wrong. Maybe... maybe I did something that made her mad or uncomfortable enough to push me away."
Anna wrapped her arms around her torso and lowered her head. She squeezed her eyes shut and bit the inside of her cheek, face burning as the truth spilled from her mouth. Vanessa's actions for the past few years should already be enough to convince her fully that Ariel was right. They should have been enough!
"I... know it's not fair... to think that you're like her. But it's scary... to share my thoughts with someone I care about. I'm scared to believe that... that you care about me too. If I ask too much, probe too much... I get the feeling it's going to make you leave. That even if you're not angry and even if you say it's okay for me to talk, if I stick my nose in your business, you'll eventually get sick of me the same way she did."
Anna raised her hands towards her face to hide the tears. She bit her lip and choked on her own hiccups. Her entire body hummed, fear embracing her coldly as her breath shuddered and her heart thumped against her ribs.
Not now, Anna.
But the tears wouldn't stop.
She wanted to run. Again. She wanted to escape this reality if only for a little longer. To stay in her personal bubble or behind the walls she tried desperately to build up over the years and was effortlessly destroyed by this one person sitting across her. But there was no running from this, was there?
"Anna?"
Anna tensed. The silence stretched on and Anna inwardly cursed, sensing that Elsa wouldn't continue until she looked at her. She licked her lips, tasting the saltiness of her own tears, and swallowed hard. Taking a deep breath, she lowered her hands and reluctantly lift her watery gaze.
Elsa's inhaled shakily and softly asked, "Do you really like me or are you just attached?"
Remember the conversation between Anna and Marshall? Chapter 42? When she asked what he'd do if- yeah, I'll stop right here.
