Steve was standing in the hallway, talking to a fish that sat in a fishbowl on a nearby table. The fish's name was Klaus, and he had lived with the Smith family for as long as Steve could remember. Klaus claimed he'd once been a human and that he'd been turned into a fish by an evil wizard, but Steve wasn't sure he believed that.

"So, Steve, I hear you're quite a stud now," Klaus said in his German accent. "Ve neffer thought ve'd see da day ven you actually managed to make it vith a girl. I vas sure you'd remain a virgin forever."

"Shut up, Klaus," said Steve.

Klaus poked his head out of the bowl and leaned towards Steve. "I'm just curious, who is dis girl Gilly? Because women aren't allowed to take da black, so there's not a lot of places you could haf met her, on da Vall. Da only vay I can see a black brother hooking up vith a girl is if she vas… a vildling."

Steve was furious. "I said shut up, Klaus!"

"Ah, so I vas right. She is a vildling!" Klaus said delightedly. "Your father's not going to be happy ven he finds out!"

"Well, he's not gonna find out," said Steve. "Because I'm not going to tell him, and neither are you!"

"Oh, he'll find out," said Klaus. "You'll let it slip somehow. I know you, Steve. You can't keep a secret to save your life."

Gilly came down the hall, wearing one of Hayley's dresses. It was a stiff green thing that Hayley never liked to wear. "I can barely walk in this," she said.

"It's beautiful," said Steve. "You're beautiful."

Klaus agreed heartily. "Perhaps you vould like to stick your pinky finger into mine bowl und let me feel you!"

"Shut up, Klaus!" Steve said for what seemed like the millionth time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That evening, Steve and Gilly had dinner with Stan, Francine, and Klaus.

"Where's Roger and Hayley?" Steve asked.

Stan Smith gave a dismissive shrug. "How should I know? Out questing somewhere. Which is what you should be doing, instead of packing yourself off to the Citadel to bury your nose in books. Your sister is more of a man than you are!"

"I'm on a different kind of quest," Steve said. "A quest for knowledge."

"The only knowledge a real man needs is how to hunt and how to fight," Stan said, "and you can't do either one!"

"I can hunt," Gilly piped up, trying to change the subject. "My father taught me."

Stan glared at her. "What's that have to do with anything?"

"I was just sayin'," she said sheepishly.

Klaus was laughing. "So, Gilly's father actually managed to teach his kid how to hunt. Maybe you should be more like him, Stan!" Steve and Gilly both winced at this.

"I thought the Night's Watch would make a man of you, Steve," Stan went on. "Something resembling a man, anyway. But it seems you've gotten softer than ever. I'll bet you still can't sit a horse or wield a sword!"

"He can wield a sword," Gilly interrupted. "He killed a White Walker!"

Klaus started laughing harder than ever. "A Vite Valker? Dere's no such thing!"

"It's true!" Gilly said. "He's a greater warrior than you'll ever be, Lord Smith! Without him, my son and I wouldn't be alive today! He guided us through the snow, down to Castle Black!"

"DOWN to Castle Black?" Stan said. "Where are you from? How'd you come to meet my son?"

There was a long silence. Finally, Gilly had to tell the truth. "The Night's Watch came to our keep."

"Where?" Stan asked.

"Gilly…" Steve began.

"North of the Wall!" Gilly said defiantly.

"North of the Wall," Stan repeated. "You're a wildling."

"Wow!" Klaus exclaimed. "I vas sure Steve vould be the von to give the secret avay, but I vas wrong! It vas the girl instead!"

Stan stood up angrily. "The seven kingdoms have been at war with these savages for centuries, and here I sit, hosting one in my hall!"

"Stan, stop screaming!" said Francine.

"I'M NOT SCREAMING!" he screamed. "Don't you care that our son has dishonored the family?"

"Seems to me you're the one doing that," Francine said.

"Dis is great!" Klaus said to himself. "Dinner und a show!"

"When I first saw this girl, I thought she was a Mole's Town whore," Stan said to Steve. "But no. You had to have sex with a wildling whore!"

"Steve didn't have sex with me!" Gilly interjected. "He's not my son's father."

"Steve's not the father? Then who is?" Stan demanded.

Gilly gulped. "Craster. My dad."

"Your own father got this child on you?" Stan cried. "That's even worse!"

Steve was aghast. "Gilly! Why'd you tell him that?"

"I was tryin' to defend you," Gilly said. "I thought your father would be less mad at you if he knew you didn't actually have sex with me."

"So, Steve neffer lost his v-card after all," Klaus said. "Vy am I not surprised?"

When Stan next spoke, his voice was dangerously quiet. "You're not welcome in my house anymore. I'll allow you to stay the night, but tomorrow morning, you have to leave, all three of you."

Steve got up from the table. "You don't have to wait for tomorrow. We're leaving right now."

He and Gilly walked out of the room.