Hello, friends. Long time no see (again). I hope y'all are doing well, despite these strange times.

Today, this strange, strange endeavor turns eight years old. I never thought this would get this far, but here we are, and let me just say that I am so, so grateful. Thank you all for showing this tornado of randomness the amount of love that you have.

Reply to Reviews:

PhoenixRune: Brains being fried sounds about right.

YFang07: I think we're all confused. ;)

pertemis45: Thank you so, so much :) And that's a very good question. At this point, I think they're adults who just were never given consideration to have an adult name because there's just too many to name.

Jaegothis: No! I am not dead!

Guest: DUCKS ARE GREAT!

Guest: I'm glad I was able to make you laugh that hard omg!

DigitzzWhee: :D

Guest: One True Pairing, and no, nobody does. Except for Bramblestar, but he revives on the regular.

Feathertail: That's crazy. Hearing that kinda boggles my mind. I'm happy to have grown up with you :)

DragonClan: Thank you!

Redstripe RiverClan: Awesome :) Welcome to the party!

Now, let's crash this fourth wall, babes. If you've been here for a while, get ready to feel old. Like me. I feel VERY old right now.


As O God Save the Star-Spangled Canada played, the curtains of the stage opened up to see Hawkfire and Chucklez-Lives-On sitting in plush chairs in the center of the stage, wearing pretentious red velvet robes and puffing on bubble cigars.

"Welcome," Hawkfire said. "I'd be Hawkfire, and that is Chucklez-Lives-On. Which one of us best represents the orchestrator of this shindig? Only StarClan knows."

The camera went up to StarClan. Yellowfang, mouth tight, rolled her eyes and shook her head. "StarClan doesn't know. Maybe the Dark Forest knows."

The camera went down to the Dark Forest. Tigerstar shook his head. "We don't know."

The camera went back to the stage. "Anyways," Hawkfire continued. "It has officially been eight years since this insanity was birthed, and we are here to look back upon the absolute mess that is When StarClan gets Bored. We are going to take you through a tour of the moments that made you laugh, that made you cry, that annoyed you to no end, the moments that made you "LOL" without actually "LOL"ing, all that good stuff."

"When has anyone cried witnessing this?" Chucklez-Lives-On asked.

"Mind your business, child." Hawkfire told him. "And with that, we begin with the first moment that made our dear orchestrator nearly lose her mind when she first produced it. We bring you to… "The Lovepool"."


"I hate you, Willowshine!" Jayfeather puffed. "You're not nice to me!"

"You're never nice to me!" Willowshine spat.

"Stop fighting!" Littlecloud begged. "My old bones can't take this hatred!"

"GO GET AN APPRENTICE, YOU BUM!" Jayfeather screamed.


"Experts believe that this exchanged entertained our orchestrator so greatly was from the use of the word "Bum". It's immature and who doesn't like a bit of immature humor?" Chucklez-Lives-On chuckled.

"I am more grown than that! I don't appreciate the humor!" Hawkfire declared.

Chucklez-Lives-On stared at her. "You're snickering."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"You're right, I absolutely am. I love a piece of immature humor."

Chucklez-Lives on rolled his eyes. "With that, we bring you to a personal favorite due to my hefty involvement, "Prank War Day 6". It was a great peak for me, in my young, prank-filled life. It was the moment I knew I was destined for greatness. Since it was a bit of a lengthy moment, I will summarize. I tricked my littermates, Snapkit, Cracklekit, and Popkit into taking a Rice Krispy Treat, which they obviously fell in love with and decided to marry. There was a beautiful ceremony, however, the reception was brought to an abrupt halt when I decided to eat the groom. There was then a funeral."

"The orchestrator really thought she was the funniest thing to walk this earth since sliced bread." Hawkfire commented.

"Sliced bread? How is that funny?" Chucklez-Lives-On asked.

"THAT BRINGS ME TO A CONTROVERSY!" Declared Hawkfire, as she startled Chucklez-Lives-On out of her seat. "Controversy number one! 'Speaking braille'! It's incorrect, but we make it work." She winked. "Controversy numero deux. Squirrelflight. This orchestrator has been around for years. Like, she's old. Old enough to have been around for a time when Squirrelflight was not able to have kits. This was a fact. A generally accepted fact that even the highest authorities decreed. But she's had kits and it's great! Good for her, we are happy! But no. She's not wrong. So-"

"GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE!" Chucklez-Lives-On screamed. "FUNNY MOMENT NUMBER THREE!" He took a deep breath. "Ferncloud is notoriously an overprotective mother. She has shoved her uncountable number of kits into bushes and trees an uncountable number of times. But let's remember a time when the bushes failed her, shall we?"


"HEY JESSIE!" Screamed the kits.

"SO STICK WITH US CUZ PHINEAS AND FERB ARE GONNA DO IT ALL!'

"YOU'RE GONNA LOVE WHO YOU TURN OUT TO BE!"

The kits sang every single theme song there is on Disney Channel, Nickelodeon, and Cartoon Network. And then…

"IT ALL STARTED WITH A BIG BANG- HEY!"

"I SHOVED YOU IN A BUSH WHEN THAT CAME ON!" Screamed Ferncloud. "How DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT SONG?!"

"We just did." Smartkit mewed smartly.

"THE BUSH HAS FAILED ME!" Ferncloud began attacking the bush. And then she shredded up all the bushes in the world.


"The bushes had been Ferncloud's go-to to protect her kits from inappropriate content, including The Big Bang Theory. However, when she realized the bushes had failed her, she reacted as any mother would do. She destroyed the thing that had apparently failed to at least some capacity. Of course, she would soon come to regret that, at Jayfeather's wedding."

Hawkfire stopped ranting and looked over at Chucklez-Lives-On, confused. "When did Jayfeather get married?"

"I know, right?" Chucklez-Lives-On responded. "We've been through a lot."


"WAHOO!" Screamed the cats.

"VA VA VOOM!" The speakers blared.

"OMG IT'S NICKI MINAJ!" Screamed the cats.

Ferncloud sobbed. "WHY COULDN'T I HAVE JUST LEFT THE BUSHES ALONE?!"

"Cuz you stink!" Grumpykit mewed.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Screamed Ferncloud.

"LOOKIT!" Screamed Anotherkit. "I HAZ A GIANT BANANA!" He held up a giant banana.

"IT'S A BANANA!" Screamed the cats. "ALL HAIL ZE GREAT AND POWERFUL BANANA!"


"Well." Hawkfire said. "Who knew?"

"Right?" Chucklez-Lives-On agreed. "On that note, let's take a minute to reflect on how long this shindig has been going. We've all been going crazy since Hurricane Sandy. We've seen many a song rise and fall in popularity, including, but not limited to, Gangnam Style, Harlem Shake, Thrift Shop-"

"Wow, whatever happened to Macklemore?" Asked Hawkfire.

"MA'AM, I WAS NOT DONE TALKING!" Chucklez-Lives-On shouted. "Anyways, as I was saying, some songs have risen and fallen, but one song that will never go out of style is O God Save the Star-Spangled Canada!"

"Speaking of style, we saw Taylor Swift and Harry Styles get together and break up." Hawkfire shook her head. "Strange times."

"We also have seen an army of haters for One Direction, as well as their rejoice when it was declared One Direction was taking a break that we have not seen them come back from." Chucklez-Lives-On noted.

"We're seeing those guys have babies. Whack." Hawkfire pursed her lips and shook her head.

Chucklez-Lives-On nodded. "We've seen Dustpelt turn into a duck, we've seen many a cat lose their minds, we've seen Bramblestar die more times than we can count, we've seen pretty kitties drooled over, random Gatherings and parties, dance-offs, travels to a bunch of random places, talent shows, court cases, games, jails, and surgeries. What next? Only time will tell." He winked at the camera.

"WHOA!" Hawkfire screamed. "Are you forgetting one of the most important things that's happened in this time?"

Chucklez-Lives-On looked at her, confused.

"Chapstick!"

"OH, STARCLAN!" Chucklez-Lives-On fell to his knees. "HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN?!"

Hawkfire turned to the camera. "For Lionblaze, it was love at first sight. For Goldenwing, not so much. Let's take a look back on what is most probably the greatest rivalry of our generation. Greater than Firestar versus Tigerstar. Greater than Pacquiao versus Mayweather. Greater than Lakers versus Celtics. Greater than Red Sox versus Yankees. Greater than the Battle of Alberta. Greater than Ford versus Chevrolet. Greater than US versus Russia. Greater than Buckeyes versus Wolverines. Greater than the Maple Leafs versus the Canadiens, Bruins, or game sevens. Greater than Packers versus Bears. Greater than-"

Chucklez-Lives-On stared at her. "Are you done?"

"No."

"You can have one more."

Hawkfire contemplated for a moment. "Greater than New England versus everybody. There you have it, folks."

"Tompa Bay." Chucklez-Lives-On retorted.

"We don't talk about that." Hawkfire shook her head.


Then, there was a clip-clop. Clip-clop, clip-clop! A pretty golden she-cat had ridden a horse into camp.

"What the…" Bramblestar whispered. Jayfeather awoke and had yet another freak-out.

The golden-furred she-cat leaped off the horse and shooed it away. "I am Goldenwing!"

"All hail Goldenwing!"

"And this is my Chapstick!" Goldenwing held up a tube of strawberry Chapstick.

"All hail the great Strawberry Chapstick!" The cats bowed some more.

Lionblaze, entranced, walked up to Goldenwing. "Can I touch it?" He whispered.

"No." Goldenwing whacked Lionblaze on the head.

"Pooey."


"He even tried again, later in the day. Did it work? No. Has it worked since? No." Chucklez-Lives-On commented."

"And from there, it just got weirder. We've seen Lionblaze chased around with a bat more times than we can count, we've seen court cases about it, we've seen it all." Hawkfire shook her head. "The passion, the heat… will we ever see Lionblaze and Goldenwing get together?"

"NO!" Goldenwing screamed from the background.

"If I can touch the Chapstick, we'll talk!" Lionblaze said simultaneously.

Suddenly, Lionblaze raced onto the stage, obviously being chased by Goldenwing with a baseball bat.

"Well, that seems as good a time as any to end this thing." Hawkfire said. As O God Save the Star-Spangled Canada began to play again, she stood up and began blowing kisses to the camera. "Thank you! Thank you! You've been a great audience! Go play Among Us and have a grand old time! We love you! We love you all! Mwah!"

"Wait." Chucklez-Lives-On mewed, as Lionblaze and Goldenwing sprinted past him. "Where were the moments that were supposed to make us cry?"

"That was just for dramatic effect. There's no crying here. At least, nothing to make our viewers cry. Just them watching Bramblestar cry, probably, but who needs to watch that?" Hawkfire responded dismissively.

"You promised tears. The people want to see tears." Chucklez-Lives-On responded.

"Fine." Hawkfire rolled her eyes.

A clip of Bramblestar crying because Hawkfire had telepathically informed him that she did not like his glasses began playing.

Be mindful that Hawkfire had returned to blowing kisses to the audience, Goldenwing was still chasing Lionblaze around with a baseball bat, O God Save the Star Spangled Canada was still playing, Chucklez-Lives-On was simply bemused, and literally every other cat had filed onto the stage and were now dancing to Gangnam Style.

How they fit all the cats, including Ferncloud's fifty bazillion kits, onto the stage, science will never know.