Visiting Richard's grave certainly set the right tone. Serious, calm and gathered. They were both subconsciously dressed up, almost as if attending Friday night dinner, but less festive. The few times they'd been over there since he passed had been rough on both of them - they missed him dearly, however that probably didn't come close to what Emily felt. He'd been a rock for all of them.
"He wouldn't want us fighting," Rory added, placing a white rose on top of Richard's tombstone, next to the one Lorelai had placed there minutes before.
Lorelai wanted to ask What do you think Richard would say if he saw you today but aborted, knowing it would start them off at the wrong foot again. Logan's visit had somewhat calmed her. It had surprised her to see Logan like that - unlike the Logan she knew from ten years ago the current Logan had a certain conduct, which probably most often came in handy at heated board meetings or business negotiations, but indeed he'd managed to simplify the gist of the argument for Lorelai as well. The problem was she hadn't told him everything, not everything was for his ears. While she still didn't like what she was seeing, it had made her realize that controlling herself was of the essence to regain any sort of relationship with her daughter.
"No, he wouldn't," Lorelai agreed, plainly.
"Listen, I don't really want to get into this here, and don't take this as us not talking to each other anymore. I'm just a little scared how my body will react and I'd prefer to have Cara around to really talk things through. She offered to see us together today. Or we can set another time- it's up to you," Rory explained.
"Cara is your therapist?" she inquired.
"Yes, sorry, I've seen her so many times this past month that I forget that you don't know her yet," Rory replied, apologetically.
"I'll have to make a few calls, shift a few things around but I can come," she agreed. She didn't have a very good track record with therapists, they'd more often had the effect on her to take a plunge, often in the wrong direction rather than the right one. But perhaps it was different for Rory. And she certainly appreciated the gesture of Rory asking her in person.
"Now hold on, Leah," Finn instructed, handing her the rope of the sledge as the two of them sled down a small hill in a park on the outskirts of Hartford at the end of his workday.
Leah giggled as the pace picked up, ending with a small bump.
"Did you like it?" he asked.
"More!" she demanded.
"Alright, one more," he agreed, helping her up, and brushing the excess snow of the sledge, before taking her hand to walk up the hill once again. He'd done it at least a dozen times already, but the activity cheered him up as well. At the very least it gave him something other to think about. Things with Paris had been at a standstill for a week, and there was still no call from Paris. He'd pushed, and she retracted. He was angry at himself for pushing, thinking back. He could have easily waited. But this was just the kind of person he was - he was unconstrained and quick-thinking and it didn't take him long to understand when something felt right. Now he just had to wait, he'd done enough.
Rory had already had a shorter session the day before with Cara, preparing herself to meet Lorelai, trying rather than shielding herself, to tune herself to listen to what she had to say and try to understand.
"So Lorelai, I understand you had a bit of a disagreement with Rory over Christmas," Cara began, "Could you tell me in your own words what brought it on?" she added.
"I guess it's just becoming harder and harder to recognize my daughter. Like for the past year almost, she's really been making a lot of important decisions, and most of them have been a complete surprise for me. Not that she hasn't told me about them but the choices themselves. " Lorelai replied.
"Like what?" Rory asked.
"Like I'd never have guessed you'd actually climb into the same boat with Mitchum Huntzberger," she explained.
"What's so wrong with trying to get along with Logan's father? I asked for his help. I asked a person who could help me in the situation, for help," Rory asked.
"Wasn't he the enemy? He broke you, Rory, he is the reason you stole a yacht and dropped out of Yale and moved into my parent's pool house and didn't talk to me for the longest time ever?" Lorelai said, agitatedly.
Rory took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, her hands placed on her temple. Bringing those memories back on the surface wasn't a surprise for her, but it surely wasn't pleasant.
"Now, please take a step back Lorelai, attacking Rory with these questions won't help," Cara tried to soothe the situation.
"Rory, would you like to explain how you see Mitchum's role in all of this now years later?" Cara added a moment later.
"Honestly, I think I took it way too personally back then." Rory began, trying to remain calm. "What he told me was the truth as he saw it, perhaps a bit inconsiderately considering my age but that is the person he is and I am certainly not justifying his manner," she added taking a deep breath in between. "What went wrong was how I reacted to it. He made me doubt my dreams, but perhaps rightfully so. Nobody ever really criticized my goal before he did. And you witnessed how I did as a reporter, it did barely okay, I clearly struggled. Maybe if I had been mature enough to take his feedback and pick another path, maybe I'd been less lost later," she explained.
"Can I agree to disagree?" Lorelai asked Cara.
"Sure, that is your right. And in this context I think it is perfectly understandable that your viewoints are different," Cara reflected.
"So is this new path the right one at least?" Lorelai asked.
"It may be. I am not sure yet. I barely started," Rory replied, feeling her defences go up again..
"But can't you see how by pushing yourself the way you do with school and work, you are losing your relationships? To me it seems as if you are turning into someone like Mitchum - all work and nothing else," Lorelai added.
"I've juggled things before, and sure it is a challenge, but I know it's not forever. The thesis will eventually be done. And can you really blame me for prioritizing my daughter and Logan out of all the people," she replied, adding "I'm sorry that it's not you - is that what all this is about?"
"Sure it isn't nice, but I do get that Leah comes first, but it seems like you are proving something to someone so desperately it is breaking you," Lorelai said gesturing around the room, indicating the whole situation of having to see a therapist
"Is it still Mitchum's voice in the back of your head that makes you do it, you want to prove yourself to him?" Lorelai continued.
"I want to find my calling, I know I love writing but there is more than one way to do that, I know that now. And I want Leah to see me as someone who is happy with the path that I've taken, not struggling and barely scraping," Rory explained, knowing too well that the importance of a decent independent income was not as pressing these days. "And this simply needs a bit of extra work. If while I am at it, if I impress Mitchum, so be it - it won't be an unwelcome side effect," Rory continued.
"I still don't like the way you handled things with Gwen," Lorelai noted.
"Who's Gwen?" Cara asked.
"I met her at Yale this fall, and we sort of became friends but ever since I got caught up in the yellow press with Logan, I've been having difficulties trusting her. She hasn't done anything to cause this distrust, but I guess, it's just in my mind, that anything I say to a person I don't know, could somehow end up out in the open," Rory explained.
"The old Rory would never have let something like that affect her," Lorelai said.
"Lorelai, the Rory you are referring to is the same one sitting in front of you, she may have changed her mind about some things, moved on from some aspects, maybe developed as a person. Whether for the better or for worse, it's not for us to decide, but it'd help if you stopped comparing her person now, here and today to something that was. We can't go back to the past," Cara explained.
At those words they parted, promising to continue another time.
Leah was at Finn's that evening and Rory was utterly grateful for that option, having a moment to breathe, without having to be on toddler care mode 24/7, a surprising benefit of co-parenting, as she'd discovered. It came with a gram of guilt, but she knew that Leah was loved and taken care of even if she wasn't with her. She'd call every night to say goodnight, and on most nights there were no tears from Leah's side. This evening however was not most nights.
Rory had just disconnected the call, Leah begging to see her mommy, and she wiped a tear from her own eye as well. She could've of course driven over to Hartford to see her, but they'd decided with Finn to try to stick to their schedule and not give in, just for this reason - to keep a clear distinction of being with mommy or daddy. Kids were bound to play favourites at times, but they'd promised to not take advantage of that, and keep communicating. It certainly didn't make things emotionally easier for neither of them, but this is what they had to deal with
"Hey Ace," Logan said, as he walked through the door at 10.30 PM, arriving from work. While he had a driver now, and this enabled him to drive back home to Rory more often, the trip was still exhausting.
Rory was seated in front of the tv, trying to occupy her mind with something other than the image of Leah missing her or her session with Lorelai earlier that day.
"Hi," she greeted.
"So..," he began.
"How did it go with Lorelai?" she finished his sentence.
"I was testing the water," he said.
"The water is lukewarm," Rory replied, "I'm just tired of thinking," she added, switching to another channel.
Fifteen minutes later Logan had just returned from taking a shower, shirtless.
"Well this is a nice distraction, any chance you'd help this poor girl out and distract her from her own mind?" she said, placing her arms around his bare neck after watching him walk down the stairs.
"You make me feel a little cheap frankly, but since you asked so nicely…," Logan replied smugly, kissing her.
The sides of her hands traced his arms and stomach, leaving her wondering how her fiance actually managed to look hotter than he had. His face was a little scruffy, but she aimed to exchange that tired look to something else.
She kissed him more forcefully, already beginning to slide her satin pyjama pants down.
"What's the rush?" he asked, kissing his neck, being a little surprised.
"I just want you to take over my mind, shut it off," she begged, adding, "Just f*** me, Logan."
Logan returned a fierce kiss on her lips, pulling off her top and his lips continuing down her chest. The side of his hands brushed against her nipples, before grabbing her breasts more forcefully. Her hands were still placed around his neck, finger running through his damp hair. He yanked her underwear to the side, devoting time to tease her thoroughly, massaging her thighs and just barely brushing against her while her back arched out pleadingly. As he finally stroked her just the right way, she let out a satisfactory exclaim. She was certainly ready. Logan picked her up, her legs wrapped around him, moving her to the kitchen where the counter height was more ideal. She kissed his ear, moving again down to his neck back to his lips, tugging at his lower lip gently. He obliged, as she'd asked, pulling her on to him as he thrust. Their breaths became audible, and her fingers dug deeper into his back. The thrusts were almost authorative, skillfully leading her just on the edge of the climax before pulling back a little, and repeating, before finally allowing her to reach it.
AN: Thank you again for your comments! They are the things that help me get up two hours earlier than I'd otherwise would have to each morning and give the extra push to get chapters done in the pace they are happening right now. Don't get me wrong, I love it. The short time I've been doing this I've been in love with this story and it comes fairly easily. Still, encouragement helps. Suggestions on what to do with Finn and Paris are also welcome (PM or review form, either one is fine), I have a few ideas at the back of my head but factoring in the kids makes things more difficult.
