Jaime Lannister entered the king's throne room. Besides Joffrey, the only ones in there were Qyburn and Pycelle, all that was left of the council.
"What news do you have for me, Master of Whispers?" Joffrey asked Qyburn. Joffrey had been drinking a lot of wine lately, and he was starting to put on a few pounds.
"The news is all bad, your grace," said Qyburn. "Riverrun has been seized by a group calling themselves the Brotherhood Without Banners."
"The Brotherhood Without Banners?" said Joffrey. "I thought they were led by the outlaw Beric Dondarrion. Isn't he dead?"
"They have a new leader now, a woman known as Lady Stoneheart. But some say she's really Lady Lois Griffin, come back from beyond the grave!"
"Well, that can't be true," Joffrey snorted.
"There's more, my king. Last night, Walder Frey and most of his sons and grandsons were mysteriously murdered! I don't know all the details yet, but it seems Lord Frey invited them all to a banquet at his castle. Somebody put poison in the wine, and they all dropped dead!"
"Was that done by the Brotherhood too?" Joffrey demanded.
"I don't know," Qyburn said. "And there's worse news still. Ramsay Bolton has fallen on the field of battle."
"Who was he fighting?" Jaime asked.
"Brian Griffin. He's left the Night's Watch, and he raised an army to fight against Ramsay and retake Winterfell. Now Brian has been named the new king in the north, and rumor has it that Glen Quagmire has been spotted inside his castle."
"So, Quagmire has betrayed us!" Joffrey spat. "I remember Brian from when I visited Winterfell. He kept everyone awake with his howling the night that Stewie Griffin fell from the window. I wanted to kill him then, but Uncle Tyrion stopped me."
"And that's not all," Qyburn went on. "The Tyrells and the Martells have made an alliance against you."
"I thought they hated each other," said Joffrey.
"I guess they hate you more," said Jaime. "I told you it was a bad idea to kill Margaery and Loras."
"Shut up," Joffrey snarled. He turned his attention back to Qyburn. "Is there anything else?"
Qyburn swallowed nervously. He had saved the worst for last. "Daenerys Targaryen is sailing for Westeros."
"Targaryen? I thought all the Targaryens were dead," said Joffrey.
"Apparently not. This Daenerys is Aerys Targaryen's daughter, and the younger sister of Rhaegar and Viserys. She's been hiding out on the other side of the world all this time, but now she's coming back to Westeros, with an army of animals from Mossflower and…" Qyburn hesitated.
"And what?" Joffrey pressed.
"And three dragons."
Joffrey flipped his shit. He screamed and pulled on his own hair. "Dragons? Where in the seven hells'd she get three dragons!? Where is she gonna land? Do you know?"
It was not Qyburn who answered him this time, but Jaime. "Probably at Dragonstone," he said. "They have deep water ports for ships, Stannis left the castle unoccupied, and it's where she was born."
Joffrey took a few deep breaths. When he next spoke, his voice was a bit calmer. "Enemies to the east. Enemies to the south. Enemies to the west. Enemies to the north. Enemies everywhere. We're surrounded by traitors." He turned to Jaime. "You're in command of the Lannister army. Now, how do we proceed?"
"We can't win a war if we can't feed our men and our horses," said Jaime. "The Tyrells have the grain and livestock. And they'll probably join forces with Daenerys, since they fought for the Targaryens in Robert's Rebellion. They always want to be on the winning side, and right now we look like the losing side."
"I'm not the losing side!" Joffrey snapped. "I'm king of the seven kingdoms!"
"Yeah, and most of those kingdoms are rebelling against us!" said Jaime. "I'm not sure you understand how much danger we're in."
"I understand we're in a war for survival," Joffrey said grimly. "I understand that whoever loses dies. But whoever wins could launch a dynasty that lasts for hundreds of years!"
All Jaime could do was stand and stare at Joffrey. He had become a blend of all the worst parts of Robert and Cersei. How had he turned out this way?
Just then the door opened, and two guards came in, escorting Gideon and Bertram between them. "Your grace, you have visitors," said one of the guards.
"Who are you?" Joffrey asked.
"My name's Gideon Gleeful," said Gideon, "an' this here is Bertram. We've come to help ya defeat yer enemies!"
