Open Cards.
Olivia let out a soft sigh before slowly making her way out of the bed, she checked and ensured that Trevor was still asleep. He was knocked out and she couldn't help smiling at the fact that she had worn him out."you've still got it Benson" she whispered to herself as she walked into the bathroom. She grabbed a robe and slipped into it, checking her appearance in the mirror.
The woman she saw was unfamiliar to her, long brunette hair hung past her shoulders and her skin had a glow that Trevor referred to as her pregnancy glow. She had gained some weight but she figured that came with being pregnant, and she had the cutest little swell at her midsection. She still could not believe she was pregnant, she was going to have a baby four months from now.
Her hand moved down to her little bump and she bit her lip "I'm sorry for not wanting you baby, I'm so sorry for planning on aborting you. I regret that I felt that way, but I can't explain why to you. I don't know why I did it, why I was so upset about it, about you. Because I love you right now, I love you more than I expected to."
She sniffed softly "We have a check up booked for when we get back home but your daddy won't be there with us because he has to go to Oregon for work. I promise I'll keep you safe while he's gone" she smiled "he loves you so much, he can't wait to meet you. I've never met a man who loves his children as much as your daddy loves you and the twins."
A dull thud hit her hand and she let out a soft gasp "is this your way of letting me know that you agree?" she smirked "come on, let's go eat something, you must be starving, because I am."
She made her way out of the bathroom and did a quick check on Trevor, seeing that he was still asleep. She padded out of the bedroom silently, slipping into the room the twins were in, a smile spreading on her lips when she saw Madison laying awake in her crib. She scooped the toddler up, and checked on Noah who was still asleep before going downstairs.
Madison cuddled into her embrace and laid her head on her shoulder "momma me cold."
She pressed a kiss to her forehead "come on, let's get you covered up" she said softly, grabbing the baby blanket that was lying on the sofa.
Olivia placed her down in her swing in the kitchen and drapped the blanket over her "I'm going to fix something to eat and then you and I can head up to bed, okay princess?"
She nodded "otay momma."
Olivia moved around the kitchen and prepared a quick meal for herself and then moved to the living room. She gave Maddi a bottle filled with milk she had pumped, and kept an eye on the toddler as she ate.
After drinking her milk Madison let out a yawn and cuddled up in her mother's arms. Olivia kissed the top of her head "go to sleep princess, mommy is right here" she whispered, her eyes welling up with tears.
That word was starting to cut her more and more, because all her life she had dreamed of the perfect family and now she had that. She was finally a mother, but she felt like a failure everytime she looked at her children and still didn't remember everything about them. Her guilt was starting to eat her alive, she had lied to Trevor and told him she remembered every little detail, she said she remembered it all to get him to stop stressing and now she regretted it because she couldn't go ask him things about their kids that she didn't remember.
This memory loss was hitting her harder than she let on. She laid up most nights and cried her eyes out because she wanted so badly to remember her life, she wanted her life back. She was relieved that most of her memories were resurfacing, but there was still a few things she couldn't remember. She wanted to know what everybody else knew, plus she had a nagging thought of Eva and Thomas's breakup. It was partially her fault but she didn't know how she was involved, what they were hiding, but it must have been big for them to have broken up because of it.
She snapped to reality when her phone began ringing and she quickly answered, not checking the caller ID.
"Benson" she whispered, it was a habit.
He let out a laugh "Stabler"
She let out a breath "Elliot, hey..."
"You weren't expecting a call from me were you?" he said.
She looked down at Madison, who was asleep in her arms "no I wasn't... I figured you never wanted to speak to me again."
He took a sip of the drink he was nursing at the bar and sighed "I could never not speak to you. You're my best friend"
"You're mine too... But you realise we'll never be more than that right?" she asked, wanting to clear things up between them.
"Yeah. I still think you're making a mistake though, life gave you a second chance to-"
"To be better. To be a better mother, a better wife Elliot. I can't remember much but what I do know is that I wasn't always the wife Trevor deserved. I'm going to change that, I'm doing this for him and our kids."
He scoffed "he never deserved you... I love you Liv"
"So does he. That man has been nothing but great to me, he loves me and he proves it everyday" she bit her lip, a tear making its escape from her eyes "I'm not leaving him Elliot. I love him"
"I get it" he sighed "I just thought things could be different for us this time"
She shook her head "maybe its just not meant to be. You've got your family and I've got mine, and I love them, I don't want to lose them ever."
He nodded "I understand. I'm sorry for bothering you Olivia"
"El we can still be fri-" she stopped talking when she heard a beep on the other side of the line.
He hung up on her, making her feel guilty for doing what they both knew was the right thing.
She sighed "well he hasn't changed at all, still can't control that temper" she whispered.
After a few minutes of silence Olivia finally made her way upstairs, tucking Madison in and ensuring that she was settled before going back to bed. She cuddled up and allowed a smile to grace her face when Trevor instinctively wrapped his arm around her.
"I missed you" he mumbled, his voice laced with sleep.
She let out a laugh "I was downstairs, I got a late night snack in, and pumped a bit for Maddy." she bit her lip, not sure whether to tell him about the call.
"Okay, I love you" he whispered, before pulling her closer and dosing off again.
Letting out a soft sigh, she decided to let him sleep, knowing that he was exhausted. She would speak to him in the morning and tell him about the call, the last thing she wanted was to keep things from him. Keeping secrets was how she ended up like this in the first place, she had been sneaking around. Planning an abortion without his knowledge and then she got into a massive accident that took away two years worth of memories.
She laid there, with his arms around her and realised that the accident, the memory loss and all the other things that happened, had saved their marriage. Trevor was going to leave her, she knew that if she came home after having an abortion that her husband was going to leave. He had made himself very clear, being honest from beginning to end, she always knew where she stood with him because he voiced his thoughts. Something she hardly did, that was what caused problems for them, her never speaking up until it was all bottling out.
"go to sleep Liv" Trevor whispered, his eyes still closed "I can feel you getting stressed."
She placed her head on his chest "I can't sleep... My mind won't shut up"
He pressed a kiss to her forehead "what's going on in that pretty little head of yours babe?"
She sighed "Most of our arguments were because I never spoke up, I always kept quiet and acted okay until it all came bottling out."
"Liv I always knew you weren't the best at expressing yourself and I never held it against you. I didn't force you to speak because I knew you would do it as soon as you were ready, we're different babe, I'm more open, always speaking my mind, where you're more kept to yourself." he explained, running his hand over her bump.
"I know but I don't want to be like that, I don't wanna keep things away from you. Do you know about your business partner kissing me? Because I remember Alex and I arguing because she thought I allowed it. I didn't I was caught off guard." she whispered, a nervous look on her face "I was scared to tell you."
"You did tell me about it, a short while after we came to New York, and I was pissed, I wanted to kill him but you helped calm me down. You always knew how to calm me down" he said with a smile.
Olivia sighed "okay then I should probably tell you that I lied to you, when I said that I remember everything. I remember most of us, but not everything. Like I still don't know why I wanted an abortion, I still can't remember what our special place was but I do remember us talking about it while I was pregnant with the twins. I remember our wedding, but it's a blurred out scene and I can't really remember us finding out about the twins."
He ran his hand up her back "I knew you couldn't remember everything because yesterday when I said that Lukas was going to pick Alicia up you seemed confused. Plus I overhead you on the phone with the girls when I came downstairs, you said that you just wanted me to stop stressing and I get it. I was a bit overbearing, constantly trying to force the memories out of you, but what I have noticed is that they come back in the moments where you're most at peace or happiest."
"So you're not angry at me?" she asked nervously.
He shook his head "honey it's okay. This is hard for both of us, I'll do more damage by getting pissed at every little thing that goes wrong. Can we just both agree to be honest and open with each other from now? No more secrets."
"No more secrets" she said with a smile, leaning up to peck his lips, she pulled away after a minute and pursed her lips "since we're not keeping secrets I should probably tell you that Elliot called me. I was going to wait until morning to tell you, but since we're both awake and talking I figured now is a good time."
He nodded, feeling himself get a bit angry "what did he want?"
"Me. He wanted me to know that he loves me and that this is life's way of giving us a second chance to be together and do things differently." she explained, feeling his entire body tense beside her.
He released his hold on her and sat up "what did you say?"
She sat up beside him, taking his hand into her own "that I love you. I'm not going anywhere, the only second chance I got was a second chance to love you and raise our babies together."
He turned to her and sighed "I'm going to kill him if he even tries to make a move on y-"
"He won't. He's angry at me and by the sounds of it, he might never speak to me again. I hate that I'm losing my best friend but if he can't respect my marriage then it's for the best that he stays away." she placed a kiss to the back of his hand "I have all the man I need right here"
"Why did he have to go and ruin things, we were all getting along great. Hell I was starting to actually trust him. You and Kathy had finally managed to become friends." he said with a frown.
She shrugged "he's not thinking straight right now. He'll come around eventually and realise how stupid this all was and then things will go back to the way they should be."
"So about the baby, don't you remember-" he started.
She shook her head "unfortunately not. I don't know why I wanted to do that. I wish I knew so that I could give you answers, so that I could get rid of some of the guilt I'm feeling."
He cupped her cheek gently, using his thumb to wipe her tears "you don't need to feel guilty, you're human. We all make mistakes. I've made tons of mistakes in the past too, so it's okay. We all make bad decisions, even you, even Olivia Langan."
A small smile tugged at her lips "I love the sound of that"
"So do I, and the best part is that it's going to sound like that for the rest of our lives." he said, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.
I am so sorry for the long wait for this update but it took me a while to figure out where I wanted to go with this chapter...
A massive reveal is coming in the next chapter so prepare yourselves.
Also let me know your thoughts on this chapter. Reviews are always welcome.
