"I love you."

Narcissa is seventeen when she confesses her feelings to Lucius. The lie slips easily off her tongue and it burns, but Lucius doesn't notice.

"Indeed," he says coolly like she's just informing him of the weather outside. "And I too love you. In fact, I want to marry you."

She doesn't want to marry him. She knows that. But she doesn't have a choice, he is in love with someone else. "I wouldn't be opposed to that," she says.

"That's perfect, then." Lucius's icy demeanor slides down a little and he smiles, a hint of sunshine peeking through. "We should celebrate."

This is closure, she thinks. Maybe she can finally get over him. Maybe she can marry Lucius and have children and forget that he existed.

But who is she kidding?

"That would be lovely," she replies, smiling thinly at him; her mind is buzzing.


Narcissa is eleven when she sees the boy with the scars.

He's got light brown hair, a sad, haunted smile, and scars patterning his face. He's eleven, but he looks seventeen.

She doesn't see him much — just in passing, but there's this boy with long blonde hair and cold eyes who keeps looking at her, his gaze speculative. She withdraws into herself and ignores him.


Narcissa is twelve when she talks to the boy with scars for the first time.

Slughorn arranges a clever little seating chart where Gryffindors and Slytherins have to sit next to each other. Her cousin Sirius is paired with the boy with cold eyes and Narcissa can hear them arguing already.

Narcissa keeps her mouth shut as she is put with the scarred boy, who greets her with a warm smile.

"I'm Remus," he says kindly. "You must be Narcissa. Sirius talks about you a lot." He doesn't specify what, which leads her to believe it's nothing good — Sirius had always been a little too rebellious for anyone's taste.

Narcissa purses her lips and says nothing. Remus sighs, turning away and rummaging through his rucksack.

"Damn it. Sirius must've nicked it again," he says, mostly to himself, and then turns to Narcissa with a hopeful smile. "Have you got any spare parchment?"

Narcissa has an internal debate before her damned kindness wins over. Wordlessly, she reaches into her neatly-organized bag and extracts a roll of parchment.

"Thank you," he says; their hands brush, and Narcissa tries not to blush.


Narcissa is fifteen when she gets stuck under the mistletoe, and with her luck, it's enchanted mistletoe. Meaning that she's stuck until someone comes along to kiss her.

Her heart plunges as she hears the approaching voices.

"You're impossible," she hears Remus says exasperatedly. The four boys appear and Remus is mid-argument with Sirius, something about Dungbombs and Snape.

"What? It's a good idea," her cousin says defensively. "You come up with something better."

Their conversation ceases as they all see Narcissa at once. Sirius just narrows his eyes and walks right past her, while Potter completely ignores her. Pettigrew, like the mindless follower that he is, scuttles after them, and then it's just her and Remus.

Remus's eyes dart up to the mistletoe and understanding dawns his face. "Need some help?" he offers.

Narcissa doesn't want to kiss him. The only person she'd rather kiss less is Lucius. Speaking of Lucius…

He's on the grounds not far below, but she can see him eying her. Any moment he's going to come and —

"Fine," Narcissa says a little grumpily. "But only one kiss, and we never speak of this again."

"Not a problem." Remus steps up and kisses her on the lips. It's a totally chaste kiss, but it does things to Narcissa's stomach. Things her stomach should have no business doing.

It lasts about two seconds, but Narcissa steps away feeling dizzy and confused.

And then Remus is gone, but the warmth of his lips remains.


Narcissa is sixteen when they finally bring up the kiss.

They're assigned prefect duty together — or rather, Narcissa had requested to not be paired with Lucius and the Head Girl had complied — and the silence is deafening.

"We haven't spoken in a while," Remus says awkwardly, but he's still so nice. "Not since…"

Right. That day. Narcissa almost brings a finger to her lips, but she refrains at the last moment.

"Yes," she says. "But I thought we'd never speak of it again. I hope you didn't tell anyone." Especially, Sirius, she adds in her mind; if word reached back to her mother that she'd been kissing half-bloods —

"I didn't," he assured her. "And I won't."

She narrows her eyes. "How do I know you'll keep your word?"

"Because I've kept it all this time." He shrugs. "Besides, I don't want to destroy my relationship with Sirius. We're very happy together and it's better that I don't tell him."

That too. Her cousin and Remus are dating; it's public knowledge, and even it wasn't, they weren't very secretive.

"That's — that's good, then," she says softly.

"How are things with Lucius?"

"Lucius?" She knows he fancies her, but she keeps rejecting him because he doesn't light that spark in her. Not the way that someone else does. "We're not anything. He just fancies me and I'm unsure of how I feel about him."

Lies, her subconscious whispers at that last statement. You hate him because he's not him.

"That's good," he echoes.

The rest of the patrol is spent in silence, alone with their thoughts.


Narcissa is seventeen when she falls in love. She never really falls out of it.

She sees them kissing in the hallways, stealing secret, lovesick glances when they think no one's watching, holding hands as they sit next to each other in class.

They're not just lovers anymore, they've become molded to each other; there is no one without the other, and they fit together like puzzle pieces.

Narcissa suppresses her disappointment, her confusion, her jealousy — those are for weaker fools.

She smiles up at Lucius, who regards her with adoration. He loves her, she knows, but she is not ready to say it back. She's not ready to marry him. Not while she's in love with him.

But she knows her duty. She will take a leap of faith, she will marry him, even if it is reluctantly.

She swallows back the emotional lump in the throat.

Narcissa is a fool, but she is strong.


1077 words

Written for:

Monster Petting Zoo - Keith the Kraken - Groom his Tentacles - (pairing) RemusNarcissa

Halloween Sing-a-Long - 13. No escapin' the way you feel

Drive-in Halloween Movie - 14. Coraline: "How do I know you'll keep your word?"

Pumpkin Carving - 13. Approach

Hot Air Balloons - 6. (character) Remus Lupin

Fortune Telling - Head Line - 8. "We should celebrate."

Trick or Treating - House Five: The Blacks - 4. Lollipop: (word) closure

Leaf Picking - Yellow - 6. "You're impossible."

Spooky Playlist - Zombie - 5. The Cranberries / (word) silence

Days of the Year - 13th November - World Kindness Day: Write about a random act of kindness

Get Organized Week - 20. "Have you got any spare parchment?"

Chemistry Week - 102. Nobelium: Neat

United Nations - 31. Cameroon: (word) Plunge

Pop Figures - HP - 30. Death Eater Mask Lucius Malfoy: (character) Lucius Malfoy

Coming Out Day - Violet - Emotion: Confusion

Sticker Club - Catalonian Fireball Dragon - (item) parchment