"Did you see Ms. Vause's boyfriend today?" Lea Guerrera asks her friend Annie Valdez in the girls' bathroom while Daya and Janae are washing their hands.

"Oh yeah, he smells so good!" Annie smirks.

Lea giggles. "Hell yeah, and he's real cute!"

"Too bad he's taken!" Alex interrupts their gushing as she comes out of a stall. She, Janae, and Daya snicker at the embarrassed looks on their faces.

"So, um, don't you just love the kosher meals? I do!" Annie says.

"Yeah, but we're not Jewish, we can't have 'em," Daya tells her sadly.

"Neither am I, although Cindy thought I was since I have curly hair. I'm Cuban!" Annie folds her arms across her chest.

"Well, Cindy's a fuckin' fool!" Lea mutters.

"So are you, bitch! You was in that dumbass cult Norma started a while ago!" Janae retorts.

"Ladies, ladies, let's have a civilized discussion! Like...about Suzanne's Time Hump Chronicles! I'm so horny for Admiral Rodcocker!" Annie moans and closes her eyes while biting her lip. "You know Señor Donaldson was the inspiration for that character, right?"

"That porn shit?" Janae rolls her eyes and cracks up. "Can't relate. Taystee can't stand it either...dunno why Poussey's a big fan. You only like Suzanne 'cause of her story, you don't give two shits about who she is as a person."

"Yeah, we're outta here," Alex tells Annie shortly. She and Daya leave, followed by Janae.

"Hey!" Lea keeps the door open with her foot. "You won't tell your mom what we said about her man, right?"

Alex glances over her shoulder and smirks. "Nah, that's your business who you're crushing on. I only ask that you never make a pass at him since it would make him feel uncomfortable, and just know you don't have a chance. He loves my mom a lot. Besides, it's illegal!"

"Cool!" Annie gives them two thumbs up before Lea lets the door close.

"That's so awkward!" Alex complains. "First my mom gets hit on, and now it's these comments about her main squeeze, who's like my dad? Why don't these kids realize they're under eighteen and it's inappropriate to wanna fuck adults?"

Daya shrugs. "I dunno, our fellow students make passes at my mom and Leon, who may as well be my stepdad. Remember Ouija and Cindy had a thing for Leon...even Flaca did, until I made her shut up about it!"

Janae chuckles. "Man, y'all have attractive parents. It's a fact of life. Just deal with it if you're squeamish about it. Whinin' and layin' there like a limp rag doll don't help. Y'all did great with keeping the girls' mental paws off the men. So now you gotta stand up for your moms next time this shit happens with the white douchebags Joey and Pete makin' gross remarks about 'em."

"We will," Alex and Daya decide aloud together.


"Hey, um, I just wanted to say that I apologize for Dixon, Piscatella, Stratman, and Humps' treatment of you," Artesian announces awkwardly in the backroom. "Please pass that onto the girls and your friends as well."

"You sure joked around with Ratman plenty and you didn't seem to mind Dickhead," Aleida snaps.

"I know, and I deeply regret that." The history teacher clasps her hands together and glances at the ground, but her eyes bounce back up to the other women. "I was just trying to get along with them as co-workers, but when they called me a boner killer and I realized just how terrible they were to all of you, I couldn't hide my hatred for them anymore. I'm nothing like that ever-so-neglectful Sikowitz."

"Good! I'm glad you're deciding to be smart," Claudette tells her.

"Piscatella, Stratman, Dixon, and Humps included me in their brotherhood, but we thought Humps was weird. He'd call Piper and her friends Snow White and her high hoes and blend cockroaches into his smoothies."

"Weird doesn't even begin to cover it!" Fahri exclaims. "He was also a goddamn creepy murderer and rapist!"

"I know!"

"I slept for nineteen hours straight after that two-hundred-fifty pound building called Piscatella was finally gone," Red informs them all. "Those pig fuckers probably infected the lake near their frat house or whatever it's called; the water's full of crude oil, salt-brine run off, fracked gas, and it's just dirty in general."

"You can blame Linda for them; she had the idea of hiring veterans with discipline and providing free housing by the school. I even yelled at Luschek for complaining that Piscatella was dead. He really looked up to the bastard, but they're both assholes."

"Alright, well thank you," Gloria murmurs.

"You're welcome."

Aleida turns to Claudette once Artesian leaves. "So, how'd you deal with Jean's girlfriend Josephine bein' around until she died?"

Claudette smirks. "I dreamed of all the ways I could kill her, but I didn't do anything because I didn't want to lose him. I just tried to ignore my true feelings. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, 'cause my man has a dead ex and I wasn't sure what to tell her at her gravestone...I'm thinkin' of visiting her one day."

"I wish you luck on that!"

Aleida folds her arms across her chest. "Leon still thinks about Rosalita Pontz, his ex...probably in a perfect light and forgetting all the bad things...he probably misses her so much."

"Oh, of course he does, but...don't tell me you're jealous of a ghost girl! You have the upper hand. What's she gonna do, haunt you?" Red asks jokingly and Gloria chuckles beneath the palm of her hand.

"Hey!" Aleida lightly hits Gloria's shoulder with the back of her hand. "Yo, if Leon was allowed to be jealous of Cesar, I can be worried that Leon might be hung up on his former chick."

"A muerta chica is way less of a threat than a drug dealer in prison who you could always see and talk to," Gloria says wisely. "She's at peace...I'm sure she's watching both of you from Heaven and she's happy that he found someone."

dead girl

"Yeah, I'mma bring her flowers to her grave," Aleida decides aloud. "You girls know that I gave Cesar a propeller beanie as a gag gift the last time I saw his lousy ass? Leon totally cracked up when I told him that!"

"I would've too, that's hilarious!" Fahri says. He, Aleida and the other kitchen ladies burst out laughing.


"Hey, Hot Pants!" Pete calls out as he and Joey pass Gloria in the hallway on Thursday.

"Yeah, I'd totally hit that!" Joey snickers. She completely ignores them.

"Excuse me? You're both acting extremely inappropriate!" Diane scolds them. "What you said to her was totally vulgar. This behavior needs to stop."

"Don't worry, Ms. Vause, you're a MILF, too!" Pete waggles his eyebrows at her and Joey flicks his tongue in and out between his index and middle finger. "So's Aleida!"

"Hey, shut up, or Michelle and I are gonna take turns fucking your moms!" Alex threatens them.

"They're not gay!" Joey retorts.

"Oh, then I'll do your dad, no problem!" Daya snaps.

"No way, you'll get him in jail!" Pete says. He scoffs. "Let's just go, man."

Joey smirks. "Yeah, we'll visit some of the sexy women in the backroom anyway."

Blanca and Diablo come up when they leave. "Hey, Diane, Gloria, I'm sorry about them...they make me ashamed to be a dude every time they talk," Diablo mumbles.

"You got nothin' to apologize for," Gloria assures him.

"Mm-hm, baby, they're just dipshits," Blanca chimes in.

"That's right, and girls, thank you for standing up for us, too," Diane tells her daughter and Daya.

"You're welcome."

The bell rings for lunch and after waving goodbye to the kids, Gloria and Diane meet Aleida in the cafeteria's backroom. "Hey!" they greet her in unison.

"Yo, some dumb fucks came in here and tried hitting on me, but Red and Claudette scared 'em out!" Aleida shrugs. "They just waved meat cleavers at the pendejos who were referring to me as a MILF and told 'em to leave, or else! It's so sick they still do that...like, they've seen Leon and I play tonsil hockey all the time, for months now!"

Diane frowns. "Even knowing I'm with Charles, they call me that disgusting term. I feel like grabbing 'em by their skinny necks and throwing 'em into the dumpster!"

"I know, right?! I wish Martin Van Buren was an all-girls school, I'm so fuckin' fed up with it!" Claudette mutters and Norma nods in agreement.

"Not even making their food nasty helps this situation," Red grumbles.

"I'm hella uncomfortable, too, but I dunno what I could do to get them to stop! It ain't like we can slap them or get 'em arrested, but it should qualify as sexual harassment if we don't like it," Gloria points out.

"I've reported them to Caputo before, but he just said they're horny teenage boys, he was one once, and to just ignore it. The police probably won't take it seriously. This is just so irritating! They're being gross and we can't stop 'em," Diane says defeatedly.

Aleida rolls her eyes when they show up again. "Oh, hey, they're back."

"Really?" Gloria asks before they start. "You literally just got kicked out. You want Fahri, Red, and Claudette on your asses? They get hella defensive when it comes to us!"

"Oh, don't worry, we're not afraid of little old ladies, we're much stronger than them...we wanted to tell you this before the janitor arrives. So, meet us in a private storage area for sex! Be laying there fully naked! It'd be so hot!" Pete wolf whistles.

"In your dreams!" Diane wants to flip them off, but she doesn't. They make her so queasy.

Joey sniggers. "It has been, many times, but we wanna make it a reality! Christopher and Larry won't be there, unfortunately, since they have girlfriends, but they wanna hear how it went later!"

Gloria narrows her eyes at them. "When hell freezes over."

"We won't do it, ever! You got that?" Aleida nearly growls.

"Oh, but you will, sweet cheeks," Pete says, advancing toward them.

Red quickly gets in front of Diane, Gloria, and Aleida. "Out, now! I'm serious!"

"It doesn't matter what you say, commie!" Joey tells her. "We're not gonna give up until they're giving us the time of our lives! We're in high school, come on, our senior year is supposed to be the best and most memorable!"

"Okay, fine! You gonna be that pushy? We'll see you in the supply closet by Diane's classroom after school!" Aleida informs the insistent idiots. Diane and Gloria just gape at her, stunned. Red's angry eyes turn confused.

The losers chuckle and slap each other's palms. "I knew you'd give in! All three of you, right?" Joey asks. "Otherwise it won't be as good."

"Yeah, it'll work out like that."

"Nice, we'll see you suga mamas then." Pete winks at them creepily and then they leave.

"What the fuck did you just-?!" Diane almost yells, her heart beating hard. "That's a betrayal..."

"Even if we wanted to do this, it's against the law!" Gloria hisses. "They're so revolting, you and Diane have novios, por qué..."

"Oh, relax, don't worry, I got a plan." Aleida appears to be smug. "The fucking douchebags won't know what's comin' to 'em!"

"What's up your sleeve, Lei?" Diane asks.

"Hey, guys! What's wrong?" Fahri asks as he comes in.

Gloria smiles at him. "Good, you're just in time to hear this. See, these motherfucker students keep bothering me, Lei, and Di, like constant flirting, and we've had just about enough of it!"

"Joey and Pete?" he wonders aloud. "Ugh...I can't stand 'em for what they say to you three. So crude!"

"Yeah!" Aleida responds. "So, I came up with an idea, they wanted to screw us in the supply closet near the room Diane teaches in, and I agreed that we'd join 'em in there, but we won't. You, Charles, Leon, Claudette, Norma, Taslitz, and Frieda will go instead. They ain't attracted to dudes or the Golden Girls. Red's gonna let Caputo know about this and get 'em caught red-handed." She snickers, along with the other women and Fahri.

"Whoa, I'm definitely in! We'll be like decoys!" Fahri states.

"Holy shit, that's brilliant!" Gloria squeals.

"You're so awesome and badass!" Diane puts in. She and Gloria hug Aleida; she can't be more grateful for their wild best friend.

"So, while I'm doing my part, what job do you get?" Red asks.

"Oh, me and Glo and Di will be with you, we'll all tell Caputo," Aleida replies.

"Very clever!" Claudette praises her.

"¡Gracias!"


"Man, this is gonna be hilarious! You don't know how many stupid-ass punks I've caught with the help of decoys," Charles says as he enters the supply closet, followed by Leon, Fahri, Norma, Erica Taslitz, Frieda, Claudette, and her husband Jean Baptiste.

Leon punches his arm teasingly and grins. "I can guess."

Fahri checks his watch. "Classes are over in three, two, one..."

"Blastoff!" Frieda says as the bell rings.

Norma rubs her hands together and smirks.

"We invited Erica to trick the little boys, too, but she's missing the fun because she has to lead dance practice," Taslitz informs them.

"Oh, we could've had Boo as well, they're not into butches," Claudette says.

"She needs to pick up Pennsatucky anyway," Jean tells her. The doorknob jiggles. "Showtime!"

Joey and Pete open the door and stare at them, dumbfounded. "Where're the hot chicks?" Pete asks.

"I don't think you want to see us fully naked!" Frieda tells him.

"So, you boys wanna play with the grownups, eh?" Taslitz asks them suggestively, licking her lips. They immediately groan and turn for the door to try leaving, but she stops them. "You're not going without doing a striptease for us. I'm sixty-nine years old, haven't fucked a man in years after killin' one with an ax. I don't wear my glasses because I hate 'em, they make my nose look big...so I won't see where my hands are goin' at times!"

"Hell no!" Joey shouts and tries to push her away, but she doesn't budge. Frieda and Claudette are right beside her.

"I brought my husband with me, he's over there." Claudette points to Jean and he waves. "You requested a threesome?"

"That's...I'll call the cops! We're minors!" Pete protests.

"I'm a policeman, and I say that continuously makin' passes at our girls is beyond unacceptable," Charles says strongly.

"They've repeatedly asked you to stop, and you won't," Leon adds. "Aren't you under eighteen anyways?"

"We can't help that they're sexy and should be in Playboy magazines!" Joey whines.

Charles' hands clench into fists. "Too bad I can't punch kids..." he growls under his breath.

"See, that right there! You need to keep that to yourselves," Fahri lectures them.

"He's correct," Jean says. "Any decent man wouldn't flirt with a woman when she doesn't want him."

"You mean any pussy!" Pete spits and Frieda grabs him. She pushes him against the wall and Taslitz squeezes both his crotch and Joey's. They scream in horror as she cackles.

"How do you like that, huh, sugar daddies?" Frieda licks her lips and Norma grins with glee.

"Damn, are you hard, boys?" Taslitz wonders aloud flirtatiously. "I can get your cocks stiff as boards!"

"Quit catcalling us, you creepy witch!" Joey struggles against her, but he can't get free.

"You're both just so good-looking!" Claudette exclaims.

"Yeah, we've been dying to get you in bed," Frieda puts in.

"Stop them, pig!" Pete begs, looking directly at Charles.

"Have you two learned your lesson?" Charles wants to know.

"Yeah, yeah..." Joey says emotionlessly.


"We're for real, Caputo! The guys are wanting intercourse with teachers in the closet and they've already started!" Gloria informs him.

"Oh, god damn it!" He marches to the supply closet where Diane's told them they are, with Red, Diane, Gloria, and Aleida trailing after him. He and the ladies burst inside to find Taslitz, Frieda, and Claudette not giving the jerks a single bit of personal space and harassing them. The women nearly giggle out loud. "What the fuck is going on here?! You know that I could fire you three on the spot, right?"

"Whatever, the school is closing in two months anyway," Claudette mutters as she and Frieda back off of Joey and Pete.

"That's just a rumor! Fuses are blowing up and some of the bathroom toilets are flooded, but we're working on those issues." Caputo sighs and runs his hand over his face. He appears to be exhausted. "Now...Mr. Giordiano and Mr. Harper, what in God's name are you thinking? Harassing your teachers and trying to get them in trouble? Never in my twenty-five years of being principal has this happened..."

"N-no, no," they stutter together. "We just...w-we only wanted the hot ones! Ms. Vause and the two Hispanic lunch ladies!" Joey protests.

"Yeah, not ugly old Taslitz, Berlin, and Pelage!" Pete shudders. "Eeew!"

Aleida crosses her arms over her chest and glares at them. "You're so fuckin' busted."

"Mm-hm, you just confessed your dirty secret," Diane says.

"Now, will you listen to us and expel them?" Red asks. "Or suspend, at the very least!"

Caputo nods. "Now that I have proof...boys, in my office, immediately! You're expelled and I'm calling your parents about your behavior. Claudette, Taslitz, and Frieda, clean out your lockers. You're lucky I'm not gonna bother having you arrested. Don't ever do anything like this again. It's unacceptable."

"Understood, sir." Frieda salutes him and Taslitz copies her. "Hey...but why would you terminate our careers?"

"Yeah, we were only teaching those knuckleheads a lesson," Claudette grumbles.

"Revenge is sweet!" Taslitz protests. "I'm all for giving those women much better weekdays when they come to work."

"I know, but you weren't being professional. That's what is not allowed!" He heads out with the boys.

"Thanks, guys!" Gloria tells them. She stands close to Fahri and threads her fingers through his. He twirls her around and they both share a chuckle.

"You're welcome!" the men and older ladies say in unison.

"Mm-hm, you're all spectacular! I hope they've learned not to mess with us!" Diane says as she goes into Charles' embrace. He smoothes her hair back and kisses her temple.

"Me, too, baby!"

"I dunno, but I'm glad I'm the one who thought up this genius plot in the first place!" Aleida grabs Leon by his shirt and pulls him down for a heated makeout session.

"Oh, yeah, you're so smart, honey," Leon compliments her.

She smirks. "Aww, muchas gracias, mi amor."

Leon beams down at her. "De nada, querida."


"Yo, one of your peeps told me you like cigarettes after a hot romance novel or whatever, DIY Fly Flaca," Cindy murmurs as she ambles to Flaca and Alex as soon as school is over for the day. They'd been reading together in the library before band practice.

Flaca tucks her book under her arm and stands up while Alex stays seated. "I know we're partners in the announcements that we do over the radio here at Martin Van Buren and calling ourselves Flava since your Jewish name is Tova and we combined that with Flaca, but we ain't friends, so I dunno why you're talkin' to me outside of our job. Wasn't that you who pushed me in the locker room when we was about to shower?"

Cindy flushes. "How do you people apologize in Spanish? I've been wanting to..."

Flaca rolls her eyes. "Lo siento. That's I'm sorry."

"Yeah, that, and I mean it. Have a smoke." Cindy offers her one and Flaca takes it.

She sticks it into her backpack and smiles halfheartedly at Cindy. "Gracias."

Cindy salutes her with a grin and looks over at Alex. "Hey, skinny white girl."

"Hi," Alex responds awkwardly.

Cindy just strolls away.

"So that was weird, usually she's so grumpy towards me, or doesn't speak to me at all if we're not working together," Flaca comments.

"Maybe she was feeling friendly," Alex says. "I know she's usually not...but possibly she heard about what happened to you and doesn't wanna be mean anymore."

"Possibly, yeah...too bad that ain't the case with Polly."

"Yep..."


Come Friday morning, Lorna walks up to the girls with a huge grin on her face. "I just thought of something I could arrange!"

"Oooh, what is it?" Daya asks.

"Making an anti-bullying poster! I thought of it during cheer practice. Maritza, Nicky, and I discussed the idea. If you're comfortable with it, this weekend, we could all write nasty names we've been called before on each other's foreheads, like for me, it'd be psycho, or in Nicky's case, junkie. Then, someone would take our pictures, print them, and put them on a large piece of cardboard. Underneath the photos, would be the message, words hurt. The adults like Diane, Red, Gloria, and Aleida, could do it, too!"

"Nice!" everyone choruses.

"I love it!" Flaca comments.

"Yay!" Lorna squeals and claps her hands.


Her eyes blazing with anger, Daya gestures to the window on the passenger side. "See where he goin' now? It's Sophia's house!" she grumbles. Aleida pulls up to the curb in front of the Burset home after school. She'd asked her mom to follow Adarsh because she doesn't want to waste her time having a crush on a guy who's into someone else. He seems to always visit Sophia these days. She's a young twenty-something doing makeovers for the cheerleaders and he's in high school, so it doesn't make sense, but a lot of things in the world don't. Daya has had suspicions all along that Adarsh feels something more than friendship for Sophia, although she's married to Crystal and has a son. It's entirely inappropriate.

Aleida scoffs. "She ain't even hot! You're jealous for nothin'. He most likely ain't into a woman who used to have a dick."

"He might not know or give a shit about that," Daya insists.

"Sophia doesn't seem like the type of woman who would cheat on her wife, and she's not even interested in men. Besides, she wouldn't have any romantic relationships with a minor since she knows it's not morally or legally okay!" Gloria adds from the backseat.

"Then what's he doin' there? It's fuckin' weird, yo!"

"Maybe his mom is friends with the doctor who helped Sophia transition?"

"He would've told me, Gloria!"

"Look, why don't you just ask him?" Aleida recommends. "Be like, yo, what the fuck is up with you and Sophia and why am I gettin' weird vibes from this?"

"Basically what she said, only a bit less harsh," Gloria chimes in.

"Alright..."


"Oh, Amanda, isn't bulimia a miracle? You just eat cookies and ice cream and get rid of it right after you're finished with your tasty dessert! I've done it so many times and I lost pounds instantly!" Poussey exclaims.

Taystee props her chin up on her fist and grins. "Yes, it's ah-mazing, McKenzie!"

"You two so wacky!" Odette snickers. "Where you come up with this shit?"

"Bad movies on Lifetime, those are full of cryin' straight, white women!" Poussey responds. "Taystee's a sucker for that shit."

"Yeah, those make me laugh!" Taystee says. Claudette sets out a plate of fresh mangoes, her favorite fruit. "Hey, thanks, C-Dawg!"

Claudette tsks and shakes her head. "Someone's in a silly mood!" She chucks Taystee's chin affectionately. "I'm not a rap artist!"

"I know, I just like to give you nicknames. Never really experienced a mama figure before you besides Lila Washington, so I feel comfortable doin' that," Taystee admits. She smiles and gestures to Odette. "You remind me a bit of Jamaris, a former foster sister who eventually found her forever home!" I hope this is mine, Taystee thinks to herself.

"Oh, really, why?"

"Same age, fourteen, spunky and all dat! How you doin'?" Taystee asks the younger girl.

"Uh...good, I guess?" Odette glances up at Claudette and back to Taystee. "Claudette is working on getting me enrolled in your school!"

"Well, this semester's almost over, but I can't wait to see you here in the spring. I'll show you around the school!"

"Thanks, Harry Potter nerd." Odette grins.

"Welcome! You're goddamn lucky you've missed all the chaos that went on at Martin Van Buren High before."

"In that aspect, yeah, but there's other shit that I wish I'd never experienced," Odette mutters. "How'd you become parentless, anyway?"

"Odette, that's personal!" Claudette scolds her.

"Nah, it's fine," Taystee murmurs. "Basically, my mom Mia was on crack. She had me at fifteen and her auntie kicked her and her man out if she was gonna keep me. So she gave me away and apparently started a whole new family. When we reunited a couple weeks back, she didn't take me in. She said she would, but she flat-out lied! I was like, beyond upset."

"Oh, I can imagine!" Odette says sadly. "I apologize greatly!"

"It's cool," Taystee mumbles.

"Yes, I'm sorry she put you through that bullshit! Hopefully, karma will come knocking at her door and beat her down, my girl," Claudette states harshly.

"My parents and I comforted T afterwards," Poussey chimes in, rubbing Taystee's back.

"That's good," Odette comments and Claudette nods in agreement.

"So, Miss C, how'd you meet your boo?" Taystee asks, smirking.

"When I was a child, younger than you three, I worked at a live-in maid service under Tessa, a strict Creole woman, to earn money for my parents since they were deeply in debt. John Baptiste took me there and he earned a Finder's Fee because of it. He, at the age of eleven, made me feel comfortable when I was a shy girl of just ten. When we became older, I liked him a lot, but he had a wife, Josephine. Ten years later, she passed away, so we got together. Since I am unable to bear children, we decided to be foster parents."

"Aw, that's sweet!" Poussey comments. She starts eating her red Jell-O; it's her favorite flavor.

"Hell yeah, friends to lovers is the best kinda romance," Taystee chimes in.

Odette shrugs and grins as Claudette begins braiding her hair into dreadlocks. "I think of her and Jean as my mom and dad already."

"Cool!" Poussey and Taystee exclaim together.

"Principal Caputo is a father figure to me, we real close. He thinks of me as intelligent and dedicated to my secretary job, which I am!" Taystee informs them proudly. "Our friend Cindy's actually into him! She likes his 'stache!" Taystee and Poussey both crack up.

"First Leon, now him?" Poussey throws her hands up in the air and scoffs. "That fool's crazy!"

"She sounds it! Who would want to bang a grown man when they're a teenage girl? Gross!" Odette wrinkles her nose and sticks her tongue out.

"I dunno, she just a thirsty ho, I guess," Taystee says as Poussey cackles and pounds her fist on the table. "Makes me wonder why she wasn't fond of that weird-ass porn story that Suzanne wrote about aliens fuckin' and shit."

Poussey shrugs. "Maybe she just likes older dudes."

"That could very well be the case," Claudette says.

Odette lightly hits Taystee's shoulder with the back of her hand."Y'all got any fave books?" she asks.

"Do we ever! Our other friend Blanca enjoys reading, too!" Poussey grins. "So...Alice in Wonderland, all the David Sedaris', the Jonathans'-Lethem, Kellerman, Franzen, Livingston Seagull, Tropper, and Swift, Great Expectations, Sister Souljah, A High Wind in Jamaica, The Tale of Squirrel Nutkins, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre by B.Traven, and The BFG!"

"Savin' the best for last! Drumroll, please!" Taystee pauses dramatically as Poussey pats the table repeatedly in a quick manner "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!"

"You would say that!" Poussey teases her.

Taystee bats her eyes playfully and pretends to inspect her manicure, which looks perfect like always. "Well, it's ta-rue, yo!" She purses her lips and everyone laughs gently.


"Daaaayaaaaaa! I can't find my scooter!" Christina runs into Daya's room where she's doing homework. She's barely even started; it's so difficult.

She sighs, concealing her disappointment at being interrupted. Her instinct, whenever her brother or sister call out for her, is to go to them automatically because that's been her job for so long. "Okay, let's search for it." She walks up to Christina. "Where was the last place you had it?"

"I don't remember!"

"You have to retrace your steps...like, did you take it out of the apartment, leave it at a friend's house...when did you see it last? Could you like, try to think, because I don't have all night to hunt for it, I got stupid math to do...and it's real hard to concentrate. Geometry sucks..."

Aleida enters in the doorway. "You don't have to be the mom, you know...that's my job. With a lot of support, I've stepped up and accepted responsibility. I ain't sixteen anymore and you ain't thirty-one yet. It's better to be your age and start acting more like it. Ain't your job to be a mother to your siblings no more, and I'm sorry that it was. You're just their older sister."

Daya bows her head and beams. "Thanks, Ma."

"You're welcome. Yo, if you need help, you can always ask Leon. He's a whiz at arithmetics."

"Okay, I will!"

Christina glances up at Aleida sheepishly. "My scooter is missing, Mommy!"

"Where's your scooter?" Aleida puts her fists to her hips and frowns. "Where the fuck did you put it?"

"I don't know!" Christina whines.

"Ay dios mío...we gotta search high and low, alright? Sometimes, it's where you don't expect it! Also, it's bigger than life, so it couldn't have just disappeared, it's here somewhere. You didn't take it to Karima's or Lindsay's, did you?"

"No, we ride those at the park, we're not 'sposed to use 'em in the house, they're too big. We went there yesterday."

"Alright, mujercita, if we don't find it here, I'll call their mamas to see if you left it in one of their trunks."

little lady

Daya sidesteps them with her paper full of math problems, her textbook, and her pencil. She goes to where Leon is in the kitchen. "Hey!"

"Yo, what's up?" He smiles at her while washing a plate. The television blares with the sounds of football in the living room.

"Uh, do you mind assisting me with these dumb questions? It's Geometry and I don't get it! I'm probably gonna fail the final...already got a C in the class."

"Sure, I'd be glad to!" Leon dries his hands and they both sit at the kitchen table. "Have a bit more faith in yourself! Your mom tells me you have a B minus, not a C."

"It's close enough," Daya grumbles. "I like the teacher, Crystal Burset, but I hate the subject!"

"That's average and it sounds like you're really doing your best. No matter how you do on the exam, it shouldn't affect your overall grade. However, I know you wanna improve, so I can be your tutor!"

"Cool with me!" She shows him the nearly blank page. "I'm...really struggling. I'm surprised I don't have an F. Adarsh usually helps me with my homework, so that's probably why I'm passing the course, but I didn't wanna bother him this time. I have trouble with reflections because they have to be perfect and I rip the paper under the tracing paper all the time! Nicky told me to go softer, but she had to eat her words because whenever I traced softly, I got nothing! It was useless. The only Geometry I know is about supplementary angles! Even that doesn't help me. Our new teacher, Ms. Burset lets us use our notes on tests, but that doesn't help either because I don't even know what the notes are talking about! It's useless to take them anymore."

"Gotcha." Leon bobs his head up and down in understanding. He taps a problem which she knows is wrong, but she can't figure out how else to do it. "So, what you need to do here, is try to clear your mind. Breathe in, and out."

Daya does just that. "It's this dumb number ten! How do I find x?" she asks.

"What are these angles?"

"Supplementary?" she tries.

"No, those are adjacent. See how they're next to each other?"

"Yeah, but a hundred and ten plus seventy is a hundred and eighty, so…"

"Try the next one and check the back." Daya sneaks a peek, but Leon stops her. "After you complete the problem, then you'll learn something!"

"I'm not learning anything!" she whines and stamps her foot. "It's so hard because I suck at proofs!"

"Do it step by step. What rule is this following?" Leon asks, pointing to the first step.

"Some theorem? Supplementary Angles?" Daya guesses while shrugging.

"Actually, it's a postulate, but you're right. Onto the next one."

"This is the…Angle Addition-" Daya begins, but then groans. "That's not right..."

"No, keep going. Concentrate."

"Okay, sorry!" She thinks some more and taps her chin. "Uh, subtraction?"

"Yep!"

"Third one is complementary angles?"

"Supplementary, because it adds up to one hundred and eighty," Leon corrects her.

"I knew that! I apologize, my mind drifts!"

"That's okay. Fourth step? You're almost done!"

"Complementary? It adds up to ninety."

"Correct!" Leon said, and they hi-five each other.

"I also need your help with similarity because they said my answer was wrong when it looked right! Isn't it true that two-thirds is equal to four-sixths? I timed it by two!"

"You're supposed to square it, so two-thirds equals…?"

"Four-ninths?"

Leon nods, satisfied with her answer. "Yeah!"

"That was easy! Thanks!"

"You're welcome!"

"How do you get volume?" Daya asks.

"Multiply the base times the height and divide by three!"

"So…five times three is fifteen, divide by three, and you get five!"

"Yeah! See, you know this!"

Daya beams with confidence. "Cool!"

"Do you feel a little more ready for the final exam now?" Leon checks.

"I think so, yeah!" Daya clasps her hands together and stands up. She goes back to her room and continues the work she has to do for other courses.


Alex's pink lava lamp glows in her goth bedroom as she and Diane lay on her bed and listen to music. "How did you decide to become a teacher?" she asks her mother.

"Do you remember when we watched Matilda when you were seven?" Alex nods and Diane continues. "Well, it inspired me. The movie reminded me of my heartbreaking childhood and just like Miss Honey, I don't let my haunting backstory affect me from teaching!" Diane combs her fingers through Alex's hair and tucks a lock behind her ear.

"Aw, that's excellent! I'm so proud of you."

Diane grins at Alex and quickly pecks her cheek. "As I am of you, baby. Who loves you?"

Alex giggles. "I dunno, you, I guess!"

"Yep!"

A knock at the door sounds. "It's Charles!"

"Come on in!" Alex invites him.

"I wanted to settle the dispute." He waves a tape measure in the air. "Stand back to back!"

Both mother and daughter laugh together and get off Alex's bed. They've been squabbling about whether or not Alex has more height on Diane. Charles measures them up to each other and determines that Alex is getting taller. Diane groans and Alex cheers.

"Ha! Told ya, Mom!" Alex says teasingly.

"Shoot," Diane grumbles, but she's still grinning.