Day 486
I woke up early, the sun was barely filling our cellblock, but Daryl's stirring sprung me up. He was always an early riser, and I don't know why I thought that being tired will stop him. I blinked a few times, rubbing at my eyes, and felt his arm bring me closer to his chest. Daryl placed a soft kiss on top of my head, and I groaned.
"Why the fuck are you awake?" I asked him, my voice hoarse from sleep and not enough fluids in the past few days.
"Mm, a lot to do today," Daryl answer, running his hand up and down my arm. I snuggled closer and sighed heavily, knowing that he is correct.
"I hate when you're right, Big Boy."
I felt his body shake with silent laughter, and I bit him softly in his shoulder.
"Hey, careful, kitten. We ain't have time for that," Regardless of his words, Daryl placed his finger under my chin, lifting my face up, kissing me slowly. My eyes fluttered shut, and I moaned in his mouth, giving him an opening. Our lips connected for a long, sensual kiss that was over way too quickly for my liking.
"Before we go, I want to hear all about your trip," I spoke softly, my fingers playing gently with his chest hair. When we managed to get to bed last night, sleep overtook me before I knew it, before I could ask even one question.
Daryl shrugged and sighed heavily. "Ain't nothin' interestin', El."
"Yeah, somehow I doubt that. Why were you gone for so long? You got me worried," I asked him softly and felt him stiffen under my touch, taking a deep breath.
"Got distracted 'bout twenty miles out. Some assholes on the radio were broadcastin' about a safe place, Terminus or somethin'," Daryl started, the rumble of his quiet voice was soothing, but I felt it was strained. "Missed the herd in front of us and slammed right in 'em."
"You are all alive, so you got out, as always."
"Yeah, but we lost the car and whole fuckin' night. Got the car in the mornin' from an old gas station. And then we got trapped at vets. Had to get out through the window, ya know?"
"Sounds like an adventure," I tried to brighten his mood, but he chuckled darkly at my words.
"Right. Bob tripped, nearly fuckin' fell, and died. But we found out prick didn't pack any meds. Just bottles and bottles of alcohol."
I stayed quiet for a moment, and I could see in my mind how angry Daryl had to be. "I'm proud of you," I told him softly in a whisper, and I felt his head snap towards me.
"Whatcha mean?"
"Well, Bob appeared uninjured, nothing broken, no black eye. A year ago, you'd beat the shit out of him."
Daryl hummed in reply but didn't say anymore. With a heavy sigh, I sat up and crawled over him, getting out of the bed. I threw on black pants that weren't covered in guts and blood and changed my top for a purple flannel. I was stalling, I knew that, but I was afraid of how the hunter would react to my news.
"Well, nothing major happened when you were gone," Great start, Elena. You almost sound convincing. "You saw the most extreme one."
"Ya could die."
"Yep. But we didn't. And at least herd is gone for now." I turned around, facing him, and put my work face on. My voice got cold, professional, and I hoped he wouldn't see hidden emotions. Daryl still half-layed on a bed, propped on his elbow, but I made sure not to get distracted by his arms, which were looking great in that position. He was still wearing a wife-beater, obviously as tired last night as I was.
"We found out who killed Karen and David." At this announcement, Daryl sat up, his face hardening, and his eyes drilled into mine.
"Who?"
"Carol."
Daryl snorted and shook his head, chuckling to himself until he realized that I was definitely not bullshitting him. "What the fuck?"
"I understand that it's a shock. Trust me; it was for me too-"
"Shock? It ain't fuckin' like her!" Daryl raised his voice and started to put his shoes on.
"She admitted it. I was there, Daryl. She didn't even flinch when Rick asked plainly if she did it. She stood like a statue, no remorse, no guilt. She answered 'yes' and walked away."
Daryl shook his head once more and stood up, starting to pace in a small space we had left inside the cell. He ran a hand over his hair a few times, and when I tried to touch his arm, he pulled away. It felt as if he would strike me, deep within my heart, but I understood.
"Where's she? I'll talk to 'er, find out why the hell she did that." He was putting his shirt on, quickly followed with a vest.
"She's gone. Rick drove her out yesterday morning," I admitted quietly and saw how he froze in his movements.
"That's bullshit! Why didn't ya wait for me?" Daryl finally looked at me with anger in his eyes, and coldness came back over my face.
"Because I couldn't have her around Lucy. Rick couldn't have her around Carl and Judith." At my words, hunter furrowed his brows, and after a deep breath, I continued. "I'm not innocent; you know that. And she's my friend too. But I would never do something like that! I would never kill one of us just because I thought it's a solution. Would you? Be able to look in your friends, your family's eyes and tell them what you did? Without an ounce of remorse or guilt?"
"I gotta find Rick," Daryl mumbled after a moment and strode out of the cell, grabbing his crossbow on the way. I closed my eyes for a moment and swallowed a sob that threatened to escape my lips.
It's okay. He just needs a little bit more time to cool down. We all need time to recover from what happened in the last few days. That's all.
Playing with Lucy was soothing, something I needed. She sat crossed legged opposite me on my cot; wooden blocks Mark created for her were placed in something resembling a tower, falling down every few minutes, followed by her giggle.
"Hey boss," A deep voice coming from the door startled me, and I froze for a moment before recognition struck.
"Hey, Oscar. How's Axel?" I turned around, making the building on my bed tumble down, and Lucy laughed loudly, clapping her small hands.
Oscar came in and sat down on the chair in the corner and sighed heavily. "Better, fever's gone. Luckily he just started showing symptoms before they came back."
"He's strong," I commented, and he smiled in return. "You should get some rest. Did you sleep at all?"
"Yeah, few hours. I'm good. There's still plenty to do."
"I know, but if you're-"
I couldn't finish my sentence when a loud explosion sounded from the outside, shaking the building's fundaments. Oscar and I stood up abruptly, looking at each other with wide eyes. Lucy started crying, scared of the sudden bang, and I quickly picked her up, racking my brain.
Placing a small kiss on her forehead, I stepped closer to the man and put the girl gently in his arms. Oscar snapped his eyes to my face, and I frowned.
"Sweety, be a good girl and stay with Oscar, alrighty? I'll be back in a second, just going to check on that noise," I gave her one more kiss and smiled when she nodded softly in agreement.
"Elena, you can't be serious."
"I know, I'm sorry. Oscar, I'm trusting you with her," I moved to the corner and threw my backpack on the bed, then reached to the top bunker and pulled the duffel bag down. "Grab some food and water. Make sure to take with you both bags. Wait for my signal. We either have to leave, or it's just some stupid joke."
"And how will I know?" Oscar asked but did as I said, pulling the backpack over his shoulder and gripping the other in his free hand.
I reached to my belt and unclasped the radio, passing it to him. "I'll find someone with another one. But if you don't hear anything from me in about thirty minutes and it seems bad out there, take her through the offices."
The Black man stared at me for a moment and then nodded, pushing Lucy further up, so she could wrap her arms around his neck. "Good luck, Boss."
"You too," With those last words, I spun around and ran down the stairs. Cellblock was empty, and doors made a loud noise when I pushed them open, narrowing my eyes at the sudden brightness.
I noticed others gathering by the fence leading to the fields, and my eyes went past them, spotting Rick strolling forward. Towards a group of vehicles, including a fucking tank. I jogged down, stopping next to Daryl, and finally, I was able to see who it was.
The Governor.
A sudden chill went down my spine, and for a moment, I felt as all air left my lungs, suffocating me from within. How was he alive? Why come back, was he really so stuck on revenge? But that's not what made me freeze in the spot, starting to think about three different escape routes we could all take.
In front of the fence, with hands tied behind their backs, kneeled Hershel and Michonne. They both looked unharmed, but that could change any second.
"Weapons," I whispered and finally moved my eyes, lifting my face to Daryl. His jaw was clenched, and he nodded, slowly moving to the side, trying not to alarm anyone of our actions.
"What does he want?" I asked no one in particular, still watching the scene ahead, trying to control my racing heart.
"Prison, and us gone," Merle was the one to answer, his face was grim, and he was scowling deeply, holding to the chain link with his hand.
"And Rick?"
"He would talk only to him," Daryl replied and patted my shoulder, making me twist towards him. His face was void of emotions, but those gorgeous blue eyes held fire, swirling with unspoken words. He passed me one of the automatic rifles and then distributed the rest to the others.
"Where's Lucy?" Maggie asked me, her voice shaking, and I couldn't blame her, not with the view of her father being a hostage to the psychopath.
"With Oscar inside, he got my radio. Anyone else got theirs?"
Once again, older Dixon was the one to help me out, passing a walkie-talkie to me. I clipped it to my belt and got down to one knee, bringing scope to my line of view. I was cursing in my head when I finally could see the Governor more clearly. He looked like a man who had nothing else to lose, who had the upper hand. And that was true. After all, he rolled in here with a fucking tank.
With others still recovering from sickness, we didn't have a lot of manpower. If they decide to attack us, they definitely had an advantage.
"I could take him out," Carl announced after few more moments of silence and observing. Other people behind us were getting ready, checking weapons, and organizing emergency evacuation if we needed one.
"Nah," Daryl told the boy, who huffed in reply.
"I'm a good shot!"
"Yeah, and ya could've start somethin' else."
"Carl's right. Governor's a psychopath," I started, not averting my eyes from the scope, noticing that the man I was talking about started to climb down from the track he was standing on. "Whatever he wants, he's not going to leave without it."
"Just let Rick handle it, El," Daryl's voice was gruff and stern, for the first time in a long time disagreeing with me. That's when Governor pulled Michonne's blade out of cheetah and pressed it to Hershel's neck, his face twisted in anger.
I evened out my breathing and tried to shut off other senses, ignoring the surprised and frightened gasps that came from my family. Moving my finger, I hovered it over the trigger, keeping my eyes on my target. Everything else became irrelevant, just breathing, finger over the trigger, and waiting for any wrong move from Governor.
It was the moment when his face twisted in something sinister and shook his head violently when a cold shiver run down my spine. Feeling I almost forgot about started building under my skin.
I hesitated for a second too long when Phillip rose the blade. It was not my sniper, the range wasn't the same, it was not my automatic, and it was steering slightly to the right. My bullets pierced the air at the exact moment Greene girls screamed in agony. They hit the Governor in the shoulder, but it was too late. Too slow, not efficient enough, hesitant.
Everything around me erupted into chaos, but I didn't move from my spot, not even when shots were fired back at us. All I could do was to question myself, freeze in the face of ultimate defeat.
I failed. Hershel and his family. Myself.
"Fuck! Move, Doll!" Ruff voice sounded somewhere around me, but it seemed like miles away until someone gripped my arm tightly, shoving me to the side to take cover behind a stone pillar. "Come on, snap out of it!"
Slowly I tilted my head, connecting eyes with Merle. Everything started coming to me slowly, shots and blood. So much fucking blood. I blinked quickly, willing tears away, and nodded sharply.
I whisked the radio from my belt and pressed the button. "Oscar, grab shit and get out!"
Glancing around, I realized that I lost more than a few seconds. Vehicles were moving in towards us, and the tank was shooting holes in the building behind us, shaking the ground. Finally finding my grounding, I grabbed Merle's hand and pulled him with me towards the big metal table, shoving it to the ground.
"Regroup!" I shouted, catching the attention of a few people in my vicinity. "Find cover, shoot tires, cover each other."
Seconds later, Daryl showed up on my other side, searching my eyes, worry, and sorrow filling his blue ones.
"What we gonna do 'bout tank?" He asked, shooting a few rounds from his gun, piercing the side of the nearest car and then the front wheels.
"We still should have some grenades," I told him, focusing my own fire on few people who started filling the courtyard, stepping over the fallen gate.
"Cover me. I got it!"
"Wait!" I yelled desperately, my fingers grabbing his vest. "Please, be careful."
"Always," Daryl answered quietly, gently prying my fingers off, and he moved for the metal container on the opposite wall. Merle and I gave him cover fire, taking down a couple of people with automatics. At the moment, it wasn't about the headshots but about disarming the enemy.
My eyes scanned the area, and I realized that the Governor wasn't among his people. I glanced ahead, and Daryl was gone from my view, my heart speeding up, but yells from behind me snapped my attention to the cellblock's entrance.
"Elena!" I spun around, crouching down, and saw Oscar with Lucy in his arms, hiding behind metal doors.
"Merle, cover me," I told the other Dixon, and he shifted, moving to the corner, firing when I started running towards the Black man. I pressed the trigger as I went, shooting at three people that came closer to us, bringing women to her knees.
"Go for the car!" Just as I said that, there was a loud explosion, and a cloud of smoke from the left, deeper into the courtyard, creating a perfect distraction.
Oscar took off until I reached one of the metal bins, taking cover behind it. "Merle!"
Dixon shot out of his spot, running towards us while I sprayed bullets at more Governor's people until he got to me. I took a look over my shoulder and sighed in relief when I saw Oscar opening the back doors of the blue SUV. Merle patted my shoulder, and I noticed we had a clear path, with no enemies directly focused on us at the moment.
I run as fast as I could, finally reaching the driver's side and whipping the door open, quickly jumping into the front seat. I stretched for the glove compartment, retrieving the keys and putting them in the ignition, trying to ignore how my hands shook. Merle slipped onto the seat next to mine, but I still didn't move.
"Daryl..." I whispered. Merle glanced behind him, my gaze following. Oscar was sweating, just like we were, and Lucy was whimpering in his arms, face hidden in his broad chest. My heart clenched not only because of that but also because I realized we couldn't wait. Merle nodded sharply, turning straight in his seat, looking ahead with his jaw clenched tightly.
There was barely any gunfire to be heard at that point. The bus was gone, hopefully already far away with other kids on board and sick from block A. I haven't seen Daryl since he ran off to grab grenades. I could only guess that explosion sound we heard a few minutes ago was him taking care of it.
"We gotta go, Doll," Merle said softly, his gaze lingering on the view behind us until he faced me.
He's alive. There was no other option. I kept telling myself that over and over again when I put the car in gear and finally pressed gas, speeding off, leaving prison behind us.
Numbness. I think that's the best way I could describe the state of all of us. It was late afternoon by the time we arrived at the hunting cabin. As we drove, I realized that we made so many plans, left food, and supplies in the cars, on the bus. We did drills in case of evacuation, so even kids knew what to do, where to go. But one thing we never fully agreed on was where we were supposed to regroup.
In the end, the three of us decided to go to the hunting cabin. It was far enough to avoid the herd that was inevitably coming to the prison, and everyone knew it's location.
When we finally made it, Merle admitted to being shot when I was frozen in my spot tight after... Clean through and through on his shoulder. I cleaned it the best I could, using some of the water we had, and stitched it up with the last resources from my first aid kit. I knew what I was doing, and my hands did the work automatically, my mind still blank and far away.
We were the only ones that arrived here. So far.
Luckily I didn't have time to put my proposal of moving the big freezer to the prison, so we had food for the next few days. Oscar followed my instructions and packed some cans and dry food into the duffel, and even though we only had three bottles of water, there was a stream not far from the cabin, so we could always refill them. There were few blankets in the car and a spare handgun with ammunition, but that was it.
Oscar managed to grab my duffel, but all that was in there were few spare mugs for Glock and my sniper. My MP5 had half magazine left, and that's what Merle was carrying with him. I had only four knives left, and my bow was probably burning somewhere in prison.
Since we checked the freezer and my pack, we all drifted into silence. Lucy was asleep in the other room, while the three of us tried to develop a plan. Or more like Merle and Oscar were discussing it, while I couldn't shake images from a few hours before.
I still could see Hershel's eyes and his head rolling to the ground every time I closed my eyes. Maggie's screams and Beth's cries echoed in my mind as if they were still standing next to me.
But that was nothing comparing to not knowing. Where are the others? Are they still alive? Are they coming here, or did they forgot about the cabin?
Where is Daryl?
I squeezed my eyes shut and swallowed a lump that formed in my throat. I knew that I would survive without him, but it would be a painful lifeāfull of ache and loneliness. I didn't need him to survive, but I wanted him. He was mine, and I was his. That was our choice. And now, without Daryl, I felt lost, unsure of what to do. Should we stay in here? For how long? For the first time in a long time, I found myself in a position where I didn't know what to do.
"It's gonna be alright, Doll," Merle's voice was quiet and lacking his usual cockiness. Slowly I pried my eyes open and looked him over.
Older Dixon had a ripped shirt, and his arms were dirty, mixed with walker's blood. His eyes were hunted; I could only guess that mine looked similar. After all, he got separated from his brother. Again.
"You don't know that," I mumbled, averting my eyes. We didn't know that. For all we knew, we would never see them again.
"Don't give me this shit, Elena," Merle snarled, his voice getting husky from anger, and I sighed heavily, trying to push my reservations aside. I gave Oscar a quick side glance before I spoke again.
"But we don't know that, Merle," I started gently this time. "We didn't see any signs of others on the way here, and we don't even know if they are alive."
"Stop. I didn't take ya for a pessimist, Doll. We need a plan, that's what, not all cry me a river shit ya pullin' now."
At those words, I snapped my head back, facing him, and pursed my lips. "Shut up, Dixon. Don't you think I know that? It's just three of us, and we have to protect Lucy. We have a scarce food supply and barely any water. I know we need to make a fucking plan, but a narcissistic sociopath just blew out our home. So excuse me if I want to take five and wallow for a moment before I'll go all ready and dandy."
I turned my back on him and went to my pack, looking for the item I hid there months ago. It was nearly finished, and right now, touching the cold metal surface gave me a little bit of peace.
That was until I remembered the purpose of it, realizing that I might never be able to give it to Daryl. I was scared for so long that I would push him too far, take a step too fast, making him end what we had. A silent sob escaped my mouth, and I clamped a hand over it to muffle the sound. My eyes were burning with unshed tears, and my whole body shook for a few moments.
I felt a rough, hesitant hand clasp my shoulder gently, so unlike the owner of said limb. Merle moved from his chair and now stood next to me, patting my shoulder awkwardly, and I almost snorted at the fact that I was probably the first woman he ever tried to comfort. I leaned in, and his shoulder went around my back while I hid my face in his shirt.
After a few moments, I pulled away, slightly lifting my face and giving him a sad smile. Slowly I opened my fist, and Merle's eyes landed on a wide silver ring. His brows furrowed, and he reached out, taking it between his fingers, inspecting it.
Memories flashed in front of my eyes, and I swallowed harshly. It was the same ring I found in the mall when Maggie was looking for one to give to Glenn. It seemed so long ago, almost in another life.
The wide white gold band had smooth edges with a chrome middle strip, but that's not what made it special. Through the middle, almost all the way around ran a simple design of an arrow. Something I carefully engraved there myself, and on the inside, there was small, barely visible 'Always'.
"I never had the chance to say it," I started in a whisper, catching his attention. "I love you, so simple, right? It was there, between us, but I never said it out loud, and now I may never be able to say it. He might be lying dead back in prison for all we know."
"He ain't," Merle stated confidently. "Ya know he's capable, and he'll fight to find us. And I can tell ya that my 'Lil brother also loves ya."
I stared at him for a few long moments, blinking rapidly. "How can you know that?"
Merle seemed to think for a moment until he grinned and told me to wait here. I mean, where the hell am I supposed to go?
"They're alive," Oscar said quietly when Dixon went to the bedroom, and I hoped he wouldn't wake up Lucy. "Daryl and Axel, and the others. We have to believe it."
I sighed a little and nodded, but my heart ached, and it was hard for me to have faith. "We got separated like that once. Eight months before we found prison, we were on He-Hershel's farm, and it got overrun," I said in a monotone voice when Merle came back to the room. "We tried to protect it, but it was an old house, no way we would survive. Some tried to drive them away and shoot them from the cars, but it was too many. When we left, I was with Rick, Carl, and Hershel. We went to the interstate where we lost Sophia, Carol's daughter, and we were the only ones. For two long hours we waited until finally, others showed up."
"We'll find the others."
"But how long? How long can we search before we have to think about Lucy, supplies, and actually finding something more secure?"
At that, both men fell silent, unsure how to reply. It was the ugly truth. It was just three of us, with limited supplies and weapons. And we had a child to think of.
"We'll know, Sugar," Merle finally spoke up, taking his seat around the table, laying his fist on the table next to me. I furrowed my brows when he opened it up, and I noticed what's in his palm.
"Um," I cleared my throat and cocked my brows, lifting my eyes to his. "No offense, Hook, but it's kind of soon to hit on dead brother's girlfriend, don't you think?"
Merle rolled his eyes and huffed with annoyance. "It's Daryl's, smartass. He found it when he was out with Katana, but he ain't had balls to ask ya. That's why we were goin' alone on a hunt the other day."
Slowly I reached out, placing the ring for Daryl on a table and taking hold of two bands offered by Merle. A choking sound came out of my lips when my fingers stroked beautifully crafted metal.
The engagement ring was infinity twisted all the way around, with small diamonds on the first two twists on each side of a middle gem, which was a medium-sized, round cut diamond. Another band was created from the same metal; also infinity twisted, covered with small rocks across all surface.
They were beautiful, I never saw myself as the marrying type, and Daryl- well, he was not the one to be tied down, at least not before the apocalypse. But none of this mattered. What did was the fact that Daryl felt like he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, no matter how long it would be.
And now we might reach that point. I covered my mouth when another loud cry came from it and shut my eyes for a moment, trying to calm my racing heart.
We will find others. We are not some pushovers, and maybe today was the worst that happened to us, but it was not the end of our story. It couldn't be.
I opened my eyes with a shaky breath and slowly put the bands on my left hand's ring finger. The fit wasn't perfect, a little bit too loose, but my knuckle stopped it from slipping, as long as I keep my current weight. If not, I could always tie a piece of string through it.
I will find them, find Daryl. There was no other path, only towards him.
