Author's note:
Ok, folks, I just have a quick point to make here before we get into the chapter. Thanks to some eagle-eyed reading from Celioxa, I've had to go back and make a slight addition to chapter 15: Where we start. When I wrote the chapter, I completely forgot to mention that Shego had Kim's personal jamming device with her when she was both asleep and up until the point she restored her glow. So, I've gone back and added it in, just in case any of you are confused by its appearance in this chapter.
The chapter title this time around is a lyric from the Yes song Changes; from their 90125 album and is a reference to what's been going on in Shego's life recently. Enjoy.
##
Chapter nineteen: I'm moving through some changes
When Shego finally arrived home after restoring her glow, the searing green plasma that had enveloped her hands had finally dissipated. However, her glow itself had not; still shinning so bright that an onlooker would almost require sunglasses just to gaze upon her. Even if she could, she would not have extinguished it. After being without the green Team Go glow for nearly two weeks, she needed to feel its presence at every moment. To revel in the joy of being complete once more. She might have felt like shit, owing to the illness that still wracked her body, but she would not have traded her state of being for one where she was perfectly healthy but without her glow; either in or out of prison.
Shego awoke sometime the following afternoon, with only the vaguest recollection of what had happened after returning home the previous day. From the bottom of the stairs, she may or may not have called through to Ru-Ru, who she'd assumed had still been in the living room, that she was going to bed. She'd then and this was based purely on the fact that she currently lay atop her bed, made it upstairs and collapsed atop the mattress. She sat up, felt her head spin and promptly flopped back down. Ok, note to self, don't try that again so quickly. Shego took a few stabilising breaths, waited for her head to clear and then tried again much more slowly. She succeeded in sitting up this time and cast her gaze around her bedroom. Damn, it's good to be home. Heh and to think I have Kimmie to thank for the fact I'm seeing this room after only eleven days. I wonder how her morals will hold up the next time I get… She quickly quashed the thought. No, I am not going back to jail again. While she always had a similar thought in the wake of escaping prison, there was an extra bite this time, perhaps due to the extra reasons she had to avoid it. For one thing, there was Brooks. She'd thrice escaped on the good Captain's Watch now and knew the hateful woman would have her straight back in that freezing cold solitary confinement cell the moment she had finished processing her and probably for a month. Then there was Ru-Ru. She'd got damn lucky that the naked-mole-shark had found his way to Kimmie, otherwise, she would probably have never seen him again. And she did not want to think about what might have happened to him had GJ got their hands on him. Finally, there was…
Shego point-blank threw the last thought out of her mind and stood up. Not only had she failed to get underneath the covers yesterday, but she'd also not managed to strip out of the charred dregs of clothing that still clung to her body after her glow had exploded and incinerated the rest of the garments. She pulled a three-inch ring of blackened material that had once been red from around her right wrist and another, this one with a flap about three-by-four-inches, from her left shoulder; the only discernible remnants of her hoodie. A mesh of burnt material that may have been a mix of bra, t-shirt and hoodie clung to her breasts and virtually disintegrated when she pulled at it. Her trousers had fared slightly better; the waistband and a good portion of the upper left leg still intact. Her socks and shoes had either been consumed by the green inferno or fallen away as she had walked home. Undoing the button of her ex-combats, she hauled the waistband and solitary piece of trouser leg off. When they hit the ground, a blackened metal disc fell out of the pocket. She frowned at it and stooped to pick it up. What the…? While it had not survived unscathed, a blinking light told her that it still worked. It took a moment for the memory to come back to her, Kimmie's personal jamming device. She turned it over in her hand. Seems like those little Tweebs of hers have been tinkering with science of the mad variety, as whatever that alloy is, its composition certainly won't be found in any chemistry textbook. Now completely naked; her glow still surrounding her, she turned the device off, set it down on her nightstand and headed for the bathroom.
It had been glorious to take a long soak in her jacuzzi and the water jets had worked wonders at relieving what tensions remained in her limbs. It had also been nice to take both a bath and wash in water that was more than just lukewarm. In fact, she'd been so relaxed that she'd almost yelled for Ru-Ru to get off his butt and bring her up a bottle of whiskey and a glass. She'd stopped short of that on account of not wanting to later find out what methods the naked-mole-shark used to get the bottle up the stairs to her. Climbing out of the tub, Shego's still active glow vapourised the water on her skin before she'd even properly taken two steps away from it. Indeed, its still increased intensity meant that any of her hair that touched her skin immediately began to dry. She ran her hands through it a few times for good measure before heading for her wardrobe.
Selecting a pair of red leather trousers, black Motörhead t-shirt and a black biker jacket, from her wardrobe, she put them on atop purple underwear and pulled on a pair of knee-high red riding boots, which matched her trousers. Running a brush through her hair, she then applied her preferred black lipstick and stopped to look at herself, much better. She felt much better too. While on a normal day her glow could not rid her of the common cold or other such viruses, the sheer intensity of it combined with what she suspected were heightened healing powers from having restored it in the manner that she had, had resulted in the virus and anything else her glow deemed not to belong inside her body, being eradicated and the symptoms healed overnight.
She'd found out exactly what happened to things her glow deemed did not belong in her body when she'd gone to get a cartilage piercing in her ear at age fourteen (her lobe piercings having been done a few months prior to the comet incident). Everything had been fine on the day of the piercing and the next. However, on the second day after she'd got it done, she'd activated her glow for some reason that she could no longer remember and it had immediately tried to heal the tiny hole, only to find a piece of metal in the way. It had promptly vapourised the earing and proceeded to heal the wound. She'd sworn loudly, as it had cost her several weeks' worth of her allowance to get it done, been grounded by her mother for the expletive, which had caused her to do it again, resulting in a doubling of her punishment and later deduced that she'd have to avoid activating her glow for the duration of the healing process in order for any future hole to remain. She never had bothered with trying again.
Shego left her bedroom and headed downstairs, where she immediately heard the sound of the TV coming from the living room. Guess I know what Ru-Ru's doing, heh, no surprises there. I'm probably lucky he doesn't know about video games or I'd never get him away from it… I haven't played a video game in years… I wonder if they still make that Mario Kart game? That thought reminded her of another childhood memory, or rather of the countless occasions she'd spent playing the game with her brothers… or alone. When not with her brothers she'd spent a lot of her childhood alone after the comet incident. And they wondered why they always got beaten by a girl. Shego forcibly tossed the memory back into the dumpster pile that contained everything prior to her becoming a villain. If I don't stop wallowing through that crap pile I'm not going to get anywhere today.
Entering the living room, she found the naked-mole-shark lounging on the sofa. "Hey," she greeted with a grin.
Ru-Ru turned his head to look up at her. "Better?" he asked, sounding as though if she wasn't, he would march her straight back to bed.
"All better," she replied, held up her left hand and briefly ignited her plasma.
"Good-good." Ru-Ru then stood up, a sour expression forming on his face and practically exploded into a massive rant as he stormed across the sofa, from which she could discern, rah-rah-rah, no food, rah-rah-rah, hungry, rah-rah-rah, cheese, rah-rah-rah, cheese balls, RAH-RAH-RAH!"
When eventually he finished, Shego couldn't help but burst out laughing. His expression darkened, to which she retorted, "well, maybe you would have been better off staying with Kimmie."
"RAH!"
"So, you don't want to go out for pancakes or to the store to buy food." She saw him stop dead as his eyes widened but motioned to turn away.
"WAH!" Ru-Ru yelped and Shego could hear him scampering across the sofa to the arm.
She turned and looked down at the naked-mole-shark as he scrambled onto the sofa arm. "Wait, so you do want to come," she said in mock surprise. "Are you sure you wouldn't like to go back to Kimmie's… or maybe even Amy's?"
Ru-Ru shook his head emphatically, "ut-uh, ut-uh." He then gave her his cute and innocent smile. "Home with Shego."
Shego gave him a rare, warm smile and held her left palm out to him. He hopped on and she didn't hesitate to lower him down so he could climb into the pocket on her trouser leg. And to think how against this; against him staying, I was when I first discovered that he'd stowed away inside my jacket that night. Yeah, can't deny that I've softened up a bit since my first year of villainy. I guess I also can't deny that the Ru-Ru experiment has been an unequivocal success; I care about the cheeky little sod, simple as that. And, as much as I hate to admit it, little Miss Go is right, I am tired of the constraints I placed upon the Shego persona all those years ago…
She pushed the thought to one side to deal with when she inevitably found herself alone on the sofa; probably with a bottle of spirits and argued through the matter, along with several others with her devil's advocate. Heading through the house she picked up her bike helmet and gloves and headed for the garage. After checking the Blackbird over to make sure nothing had not somehow broken in the month since she'd last ridden it, Shego affixed the side and top boxes in which to carry the shopping on the return trip. She laughed internally at doing something so 'normal', which prior to her moving out of Drakken's lair, she'd not done for several years. The mad-scientist having always sent the goons to do such menial tasks, not that she would have had he asked her to. Nowhere in her contract did it state she had to do his grocery shopping. Turning the ignition, she revved the Blackbird a few times, opened the garage door and guided it out.
"Ready to go?" she asked Ru-Ru before closing her helmet over.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, vroom-vroom!" the naked-mole-shark replied excitedly as he poked his head out of her trouser pocket.
"Then let's go." She closed the garage door behind her and sped off down the drive. She was going to enjoy this.
##
Late brunch, lunch or whatever you wanted to call it with Ru-Ru, had been both relaxing and enjoyable. With no guards around to yell at her to hurry up, or the three stooges to annoy her with their incessant babbling, or Bonnie to protect from whoever she'd pissed off this time, Shego had been free to take her time and savour the meal. And despite Kimmie having made more than edible pancakes the previous day, they had not been a patch on those in Mama Joy's. Despite his ravenous appetite, the naked-mole-shark had expressed an unexpected concern that she had been willing to walk around in public so soon after escaping jail. To which she had replied by explaining about the near blanket perception surrounding supervillains and how virtually no-one would expect to see Shego doing something normal and so would not notice her and that GJ would not have made her escape public knowledge, to avoid painting the authorities as incompetent and increasing panic levels. After pancakes, they'd taken a quick trip around the grocery store to replenish their food supplies and headed back home.
Shego reclined on a comfortable sun lounger out on the rear porch that overlooked the lake. A fruit mojito; your standard mojito with fresh strawberries, pineapple, kiwi and orange added for a fresh summer feel, perched on a low table beside her. When she'd arrived home, she'd changed from her leathers into a green bathing suit and gone for a swim; Ru-Ru accompanying her. It transpired his fin and gills were not just for show; he could swim like a mini-torpedo. Afterwards, she'd donned a green and black sarong and a pair of sunglasses, mixed a large jug of the fruity cocktail and taken a glass of it outside onto the sun-baked porch, along with a copy of A Storm of Swords, which she'd remembered about upon passing a bookstore on the way to the grocery store; she'd popped inside and bought a copy. However, at present, the book remained on the table beside her drink, as she basked in the warmth of the evening suns glow. Her own glow she had finally extinguished when she'd reached Middleton. Green-tinged skin she could get away with, a bright green glow surrounding her… even an idiot would surely spot that.
"Hey, Ru-Ru," Shego said lazily to the naked-mole-shark, who was lounged atop one of the porch chairs with a packet of cheese balls, "how do you fancy a trip to the Bahamas?"
Ru-Ru looked up at her quizzically and asked, "bananas? Icky, yuck-yuck!"
She laughed, "not bananas, Bahamas. Tropical islands, lots of sun and killer relaxation spots. How about it?"
The naked-mole-shark looked ponderous for a moment, then asked, "cheese?"
"Yes, Ru-Ru, I'm sure we'll be able to find you some cheese."
She received an emphatic nod of agreement.
"Good, because we'll be leaving on Monday."
Ru-Ru gave her another quizzical look, "work?"
Shego let out an overexaggerated yawn, "until Dr D manages to get himself out of prison, we're on holiday and I am desperately in need of a vacation. So, it'll be the Bahamas for a week or two, after which, who knows?"
The naked-mole-shark's beady black eyes lit up and he excitedly declared, "Holland!"
"Holland?" she asked, "seriously? I didn't take you for the windmill and clogs type."
"Ut-uh, ut-uh. Gouda, Leerdammer, Boerenkaas!"
Gouda… Leerdammer… Borenkass… wait a minute, "those are all types of cheese!"
"Uh-hu, uh-hu," he replied excitedly.
"You want me to take you all the way to Holland, just so you can get some cheese?" Shego asked incredulously. "Can't I just take you to a cheesemonger instead?"
"Ut-uh, pilgrimage," Ru-Ru said with a grin.
"Pilgrimage? You do know that cheese isn't a religion, right?"
The naked-mole-shark looked at her sourly, "is too."
Shego gave him a pointed look. "Oh yeah, then who's your god?"
She received one of his devilish smiles as he said simply, "Cheesus."
Cheesus! Oh, for Christ's sake! She couldn't help it and burst out laughing. "Ok, so that was funny. But I'm still not taking you to Holland just for some damn cheese."
Ru-Ru's features morphed into his version of Kimmie's infamous puppy-dog-pout, "pweese."
She met his eyes with a steely gaze, but could already feel her resolve start to crumble. "Urgh, fine. If we end up in Europe, we can go to Holland for a day or two and you can get your cheese."
"Woo-hoo!"
"However, that's the last time I'm letting you watch World of Cheese," Shego said and took a long drink of her fruit mojito. She didn't mean it and he knew it, however, she felt as though she needed to exact some sort of price for him using that damn look of Kimmie's on her. A thought then creeped into her head that she had to quickly quash, and if my father had heard your blasphemy, he'd have tanned your backside.
Sitting her glass back down, she was about to roll onto her front, when she heard a ringing sound coming from inside the house. What the hell is that? It was only on hearing it again that she realised it was her new cell phone. After her old one had been crushed when Kimmie had kicked her over that railing all those weeks ago in the communications centre, she'd procured a new one, but barely used it, having accidentally left it at home when she'd left for the volcano lair and having never bothered to swing by to pick it up. In fact, leaving it at home had simply highlighted how little she used it, though it should have come as no surprise, given that she didn't do friends and only had a handful of other villains or other work-related contacts. It's a sad state of affairs when Dr Drakken is your most frequently contacted individual. However, that begged the question, who on earth is calling me?
Deciding she did not care enough to find out, Shego let the phone ring out and rolled over, however, before she'd managed to get comfortable, it had started again. By the fourth round of rings, it finally irritated her enough to go and deal with. Urgh, fine, I'm coming, she groaned internally, as she grudgingly stood up and wandered into the house. However, if this is Hench looking to offload more of his crappy merchandise, I'm going to go over there and…
"What?" she said irritably, as she flipped open the handset and brought it to her ear.
"Ummm…" the voice on the other end mumbled, probably at the harshness off her reply, before finding the courage to say, "…I'm looking for Miss Go."
Shego almost dropped the handset upon hearing the name and the shock momentarily prevented her from recognising the voice of the caller. What the… However, realisation quickly set in. "Bonnie?" she asked in confusion. Had it not been for the fact that her cell phones could never be traced; not even by Kimmie's nerdlinger friend, she would have hung up immediately. Before the girl could reply, she hissed, "where did you get this number? If Brooks finds out who you're calling, she'll have you hauled off to an interrogation room and you'll find out just how nasty she can be."
"Well, duh. I'm not a complete idiot," Bonnie spat derisively, "why do you think I'm looking for Miss Go?"
A thin smile formed on Shego's lips, "fair point," seems I at least managed to teach her about discretion being queen while in prison. "However, where did you even get this number?"
She could hear the residual suffering in Bonnie's voice when she said, "from Dr Drakken. I had to sit and play a game of Monopoly with him and the other two stooges before he would give it to me."
Shego almost burst out laughing as she pictured the scene. In fact, she didn't need to, having lived it herself. "Let me guess, he claimed to have made a few 'financial missteps' when he went bankrupt," she replied, imitating the mad-scientist when she said the words 'financial missteps'.
"Urgh, you wouldn't believe how bad he is at that game!" Bonnie exclaimed. "Even Junior can probably manage finances better than he can!"
This time she did laugh, however, it quickly faded and her tone became serious, "look, why did you call me? Like I said, if Brooks has her flunkies listening in, you can be in for a whole world of trouble."
"I know that," Bonnie practically cried, her voice laced with desperation, "but I needed to talk to someone and…" there was a pause for a few moments before the girl made what sounded like an admission she had not wanted to voice out loud; to make real, "…and you're the only person who's shown me a shred of kindness or been remotely friendly towards me since I got arrested. I've tried calling my parents, but they won't talk to me. They say I've disgraced the family name. And it turns out that none of my old friends even care about me… that they were only my friends because it made them popular… I've got no one."
On the other end, Shego could hear Bonnie begin to sob. While she knew she would be safe from GJ, even if Brooks had someone listening in and they figured out to whom the former cheerleader was talking, she still felt the urge to hang up. However, something about the girl, whether it be the small kindness Bonnie had shown her when picking her up off the floor and helping her into bed or empathy for her plight, caused her to instead say, "Bonnie, calm down, you're going to be alright. Surely Junior will be out of the infirmary soon."
Alas, her words did not help matters.
"He already is!" Bonnie wailed and the sound of her tears intensified. "Brooks put him in cellblock B; on the opposite side of the prison! I can't even see him!"
Shit! I should have known Brooks would do something like that. There was no way she would ever have let them be in the same cellblock. She probably finds the idea of having bar-crossed lovers highly amusing. It was on having that thought that Shego felt an uncharacteristic pang of guilt at having escaped. She'd promised to keep Bonnie safe in her fiancé's stead until he got out the infirmary. However, she had escaped and Junior been put in a different cellblock, leaving the girl to fend for herself. Shit, she's in trouble. She rolled her eyes, the least I can do is talk to her for a bit and give her some advice on how to survive now I'm not there. "Ok, Bonnie, you need to calm down and listen to me."
"How am I supposed to calm down!" Bonnie cried. "We only got out of lockdown this morning and already two people have taken a swing at me once they realised that…" there was a brief pause and Shego suspected that the girl had quickly decided to rephrase the end of her sentence, "…that it was Shego who escaped."
"That's why you need to listen to me," she said firmly. "Now that Shego's gone, anyone who still has a grudge against you will be gunning for you, which means you need to attach yourself to another big fish in order to drive them away."
"How am I supposed to do that? I don't want to end up as someone's bitch." The fear and near resignation in Bonnie's words was palpable now. When they had first spoken about this subject, the former cheerleader had point-blank refused to let herself become her bitch in exchange for protection. However, now she almost seemed resigned to becoming someone's bitch just to survive.
"Right, listen to me. You're not going to like this, but it's better than any alternative." She actually sighed herself when she said, "you need to stick close to Drakken."
"What!" Bonnie exclaimed. "Drakken and his cronies will drive me mad within a day!"
"Yeah, I know, trust me, I work for the guy. However, despite how inept he is at taking over the world, Dr Drakken is still one of the most prolific supervillains on the planet, thus he's top tier when it comes to street cred in there. Not to mention he hangs with Professor Dementor. If you stick close to Drakken, no one will bother you."
"But…" Bonnie began.
Shego swiftly cut her off, "yeah, you'll be stuck playing board games with the three stooges and possibly even cousin Ed. However, it's better that than people beating the crap out of you every day. Besides, I'm sure you'll be able to fill in for Shego when it comes to the sass and sarcasm. Just tell him you'll be their fourth player and he'll probably let you play without question. If he does ask, tell him I sent you."
"Urgh," Bonnie moaned, "fine. I'll sit and play Clue, Monopoly, Jenga and whatever other games those three idiots can find. However…" the girl paused again and it sounded to Shego like she was chewing her lip, "…can I talk to you for a bit…? I think you're the first person who's ever been my friend for any reason that isn't to do with the fact that I'm popular."
She almost hung up the phone again, however, forced herself to say," hold on just a minute I'm not…" but then quickly stopped. I'm not her friend… I don't do friends. Whatever gave her that idea? She opened her mouth to say just that; to continue where she had left off, except she couldn't bring herself to kick the girl when she was down. Maybe it was because she had been reminiscing on her own youth earlier that day, but instead of responding with her normal coldness, she felt a strong sense of empathy towards the girl. She's all alone in a hell she can't escape from and is desperately searching for something to cling to. And I know exactly how she must be feeling. Pinching the bridge of her nose and rolling her eyes at the fact she was about to do something un-Shego like, she hastily finished, "…I'm not near comfortable enough for a heart to heart. So, you're just going to have to wait until I get back out into the sun and have a drink of my fruit mojito."
"Seriously, you're sitting out in the sun and have booze. That is so unfair."
Shego listened to Bonnie complain as she strolled back out onto the porch and lay back on her sun lounger. Picking up her glass, she took a sip of her fruit mojito before saying, "ok, so what do you want to talk about?"
##
The sun was beginning to set but it was still nice and warm out on Shego's rear porch. She'd sat and listened to Bonnie talk for the fifteen minutes that had remained of the former cheerleader's phone time, feeling more like a therapist than a friend, something that had both brought back more memories from the dumpster pile that was her pre-villainess life and made her feel oddly more comfortable. Afterwards, she'd made dinner for herself and Ru-Ru; beef tacos with a side of loaded potato skins and they'd eaten out in the sun. Now, apart from the naked-mole-shark's snoring, everything was quiet; peaceful. She was finally alone.
Shego took a drink of her fruit mojito, then sat the glass back down on the low table. She'd pulled a pair of denim shorts and a white t-shirt on atop her bathing suit before making dinner. I know you're just dying to sit and dissect everything I've done recently, so you might as well get your ass out here and let's get this over with.
A light laugh filled her head, "well, that's possibly the closest you've ever gotten to admitting you want to talk," the voice of Miss Go said lightly inside her mind. "So, let's talk. How about we start with Bonnie? That was a nice thing you did for her this evening."
Shego laughed, what, condemning her to the company of Drakken, Dementor and Lucre for the foreseeable future?
"Well, if it keeps her safe… however, that's not what I'm talking about and you know it."
So, I sat and listened to her talk for fifteen minutes, big deal, she snorted.
"She called you her friend and you didn't deny it," Miss Go said calmly but with an air of caution, knowing that the insinuation could well result in her blowing up.
Shego maintained her cool. She was teetering on the edge of a very dark hole and I didn't want to kick her into it, I'm not that cruel.
"But there was a time when you wouldn't have thought twice about doing it. In fact, you probably would have laughed at her as you booted her over the edge."
She took a long drink of her cocktail as she listened to the claim and knew she could not refute it. In those early days after becoming a villain, she'd been in a permanent state of angry and downright nasty to anyone who crossed her path, to the point that she'd reached for her plasma far more often than her words. I genuinely was evil back then, no remorse, not a shred of pity or compassion, she admitted slowly. I hurt anyone who got in my way and laughed at how pathetic they were.
"But you managed to get over it," Miss Go said encouragingly. "You changed then and you're slowly changing now."
I changed then because my anger ebbed enough for me to realise that I couldn't carry on down that path.
"Yes, but you still wanted everyone else to think you were evil," Miss Go stated plainly. "I must have lost count of the number of times you had to state that you were evil to someone. And you know what they say, anyone who has to declare they are evil isn't actually…"
Oh, save me your proverbial bullshit, Shego snapped. She reached out a hand to pick up her drink and her eyes caught sight of her book sitting beside her glass. A thin smile formed on her face and she took a drink. You must be getting desperate if you're resorting to lifting your proverbs from things I've recently read. And I'm pretty sure he was talking about kings, not evil people.
The dig did nothing to discourage Miss Go. "The point remains, you're not evil and haven't been for a very long time. I'd even say we can probably go as far as to count that brief period as just a blip on your personality."
Yeah, yeah, I'm not evil. Tell me something I don't already know, Shego said smugly, happy that for once she was giving as good as she was got. Or are you all out of ammo?
It had probably been unwise of her to deliberately antagonise her devil's advocate. "Well, if you're so desperate to get back to the original point, I'll happily oblige. You made a friend in Bonnie. Now, do you wish to accept that fact and move on, or shall we go through the whole rigmarole of you denying it until such a time as I managed to lead you into the pitfall trap of admittance?"
Just because I helped her out while we were cellmates, doesn't make us friends, Shego retorted coolly. She elected not to rise to the bait on the grounds that she felt exceptionally chilled out and had no mind to spoil her good mood.
"Pitfall trap it is then and I had such high hopes for you after all the progress we made prior to your incarceration and then again with how you handled the whole Kim situation. Which I'm exceptionally proud of you for, but we'll get to her in a moment," Miss Go replied with a light laugh. "Back to the subject of Bonnie and not only did you step in to help her with Morgan, but you then formally agreed to help keep her safe after someone attacked her. Then after she helps you, you sat her down and helped her make a start on confronting some serious psychological issues when there was a far easier solution to be had. And then today, after you're out of jail and no longer have reason to care no less, you not only gave her advice that will help keep her alive, but you then sat and spoke with her afterwards," Miss Go paused to let her words sink in before finishing with, "care to concede the point yet?"
Never! First of all, I was completely out of my head when I stumbled upon her about to get beaten up by Morgan. Second, I was still out of my head when I offered to protect her until Junior got out of the infirmary. Third, I was ill and did not want to get into a fight or run the risk of getting thrown back in the hole. And finally… Shego paused upon realising she had no straightforward way of explaining her actions earlier that evening, …she caught me in a good mood today, so I threw her a bone, big whoop.
Miss Go let out a light laugh, as though she were watching an episode of her favourite sit-com. "If that's the best defence you have, then you really might want to just accept the fact that Bonnie is your friend."
I don't do friends, Shego snapped and went to take a drink of her fruit mojito, only to find the glass was empty. Bastard. She stood up and wandered into the living room, through to the kitchen and headed for the refrigerator.
"Don't say I didn't give you the opportunity to admit it," Miss Go said airily, while Shego refilled her glass with what remained in the jug she had made that afternoon. She managed to make it back to her sun lounger and get settled before her devil's advocate continued, "let's tackle those first two points together, as your reason for doing both is the same."
Which is? Shego said dryly and took a sip of her beverage.
"The effects of the GJ serum. It deadens your personality to the point that you're reduced to only being able to act and react in a basic manner. And your basic nature compelled you to both help save Bonnie from a vicious beating by Morgan and then to protect her from all the other nasties that reside in that hell hole."
I'm completely out of my mind after they inject me with that damn stuff! Shego exclaimed in annoyance. I had no idea what I was doing on either occasion.
"That's a lie and you know it," Miss Go sing-song'ed. "You helped her on both of those occasions because deep down, you're not cold and heartless, despite the front your Shego persona shows the world. However, moving on, not only did you have the option of letting Bonnie suffer the consequences of her own actions, which you didn't take, you also chose not to solve the problem for her. What was it you said at the time, 'give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but teach a man to fish and you feed him for life'?"
That's not… Shego began hotly but quickly stopped on realising she was now in a pitfall trap that had been dug by her own words. Fine, ok, so I helped her out a couple of times and then sat her down to help her deal with her actual problems. It's not my fault that I did a degree in child development and so am trained to spot that sort of thing. But that doesn't make us friends!
"If you're not her friend, then why didn't you hang up the moment you knew who was calling this evening?" Miss Go asked, daring her to provide a better explanation than, 'she caught me in a good mood'. "You know fine well it would have been the safer option; just in case GJ have figured out a way to track your cell phone."
I… Shego began but knew she lacked the required explanation. She was out of jail. What happened to Bonnie now was in no way shape or form her concern anymore; if it ever had been at all. Yet she knew she had felt guilty at having left the girl alone to fend for herself. She doesn't deserve to be in there, ok, she finally said firmly. It was neither acceptance nor denial of Miss Go's claim, simply her belief on the matter. …And I feel sorry for her.
"Yes, you do, which in itself is a huge step forward for you," Miss Go said warmly. "And it's nothing you should fight against," the woman then added quickly, perhaps sensing that drawing attention to such a positive change in her personality might cause her to forcibly relapse.
She chose not to argue the point. The evidence with both Bonnie and Kimmie far too incriminating. Whether she liked it or not, she was slowly breaking the rules of her Shego persona and it felt… refreshing.
When she failed to say anything in retort, Miss Go took that as an indication to continue, "You know exactly how Bonnie is feeling at the moment; how she was feeling when you first properly spoke with her back in jail and you can empathise with her because you've been there yourself."
She's all alone in a hell she can't escape from and is desperately searching for something to cling to, Shego said, repeating the thought she'd had earlier when Bonnie had asked if they could talk for a bit longer. Yeah, I've been there… twice…
"And both times you would have given anything to have a friend to talk to," Miss Go said softly.
She sighed, yeah, you're right. Maybe if I'd had a friend the second time, I might never have fallen into villainy… into evil. Shego shook her head at having caught herself having such a melancholy thought and she took a long drink of her fruit mojito. Ok, fine. So, I'm sort of friends with Bonnie. There, are you happy?
"The question you should really be asking is: are you happy?"
As soon as Bonnie is back on the outside, she'll forget all about me and that'll be the end of it, Shego replied flatly. So, I'm not going to be anything about it.
"Fair enough, you're still afraid of getting hurt, that's understandable," Miss Go said cautiously. "However, don't assume how Bonnie will react when she gets out. You made some headway with her when you started talking through her issues with her and today, she admitted that she's finally realised that none of her old friends were really her friends. You might be right, spending some time in jail might be the best thing for her. And after you talk to her a couple more times, she might begin to realise what having a true friend is like."
And how am I going to end up talking to her a couple more times? Shego asked dryly.
"Because you know as well as I do that she's going to phone you next week," Miss Go replied smugly.
Shego groaned and did not bother to argue the claim. Bonnie had been that desperate to talk to someone with even a shred of normality that she'd suffered through an entire game of Monopoly with the three stooges, just so she could get her phone number from Drakken. And after a week of putting up with them, the former cheerleader would be clawing up the walls of the rec-room just to hear another sane voice. Can we move on from Bonnie now? I think I'd almost rather talk about…
"Kim," Miss Go said brightly, stealing the word right out of her mouth, "yes. I'm glad you're so eager to move on to that particular subject."
She did a literal facepalm, took a drink and realised she didn't have nearly enough fruit mojito left to survive this particular conversation. If you're going to be so peppy about it, I take it back.
"Sorry, no backsies," Miss Go said playfully. "So, Kim breaks you out of jail and the two of you work through your issues while on the road back to Middleton. You then spend the night at her place, listen to her confess that she's gay; the first person she's ever told no less and then you do the compassionate thing and agree to go out for a drink with her so you can help her with the issues she's having. I am so proud of you!"
If there was something worse than being led into a pitfall trap by her devil's advocate, it was hearing that it was proud of something she had done, as it made Shego feel like she had betrayed her own nature. Unfortunately, she was guilty as charged and not just of the ones listed. Everything she had done concerning Kimmie since that night in Heartbeats had been against the rules of her Shego persona. Yet the empathy she had felt towards the hero while watching her flutily trying to prove she was straight had been strong enough to break through the mask she wore and it seemed to have left an irreparable and slowly widening crack. I helped Kimmie realise that she's a lesbian, but we both know that's not the end of the process. It takes time to go from acceptance to comfortable and that period can be just as nasty as the one before it… I know that all too well.
"You're doing a good thing in helping her and I know that you already know that. The real question is, what happens now?" Miss Go asked, her tone having become serious.
I don't know, Shego answered truthfully. Ever since they had made out in the volcano lair, she'd had almost zero time in her right mind to start to process how she felt about it and even the brief period of time where she could have, she'd still been so angry at Kimmie for having sent her to jail in the first place, that she had point-blank refused to entertain the subject. However, now she had no such obstacle in her way.
"Well, now that you don't feel the need to fight Kim anymore…"
I never said that, Shego cut in. I still want to fight Kimmie, I just don't have the urge to beat the shit out of her and leave her as a pile of broken limbs.
Miss Go laughed, "I guess some things never change. And I'll bet she feels the exact same way." The woman's tone returned to being serious, "the pair of your feminine urges aside, let's go back to what happened in the volcano lair," there was a brief pause before Miss Go quickly added, "after the two of you knocked lumps out of one another and you convinced her to kiss you and before those generators blew up. How did it feel?"
Shego said nothing as she willingly recalled the memory for the first time since the event. She'd wrapped an arm around Kimmie's waist under the pretence of stopping the hero from backing out of the kiss, but it had been her own desire to feel the fiery-haired vixen's body pressed up against her own that had been the real reason for the move. That kiss may have been the only opportunity I ever got to have a proper taste of her and I wanted to get as much out of it as I could and savour it.
"You find her exceptionally attractive," it was not a question.
How can I not? Shego replied, not even bothering to put up the slightest resistance, as she'd already accepted that fact after masturbating to the hero the night before they had kissed. Kimmie's a woman grown now, is both sexy and cute, has that gorgeous mane of red hair and those beautiful olive-green eyes. What can I say, despite the fact we're on opposite sides of the hero/villain coin, she ticks all my boxes.
"How did it feel when you kissed her that first time?"
The scent of cherry and almond filled Shego's nostrils from memory as her eyes closed and she allowed herself to relive the moment. Bodies pressed together, she had stared into those fury-filled olive-green eyes; Kimmie having still been murderously angry, as their lips had gently touched. The spark had struck up inside her instantaneously and she had immediately opened her mouth. She had felt the hero's trembling lips part and slipped her tongue inside her mouth. Gently she had coaxed the girl's tongue out to play and like two flames they had danced together until both of them had run out of breath.
It felt… Shego found herself unable to find words that adequately described how it had felt that first time she had kissed Kimmie, eventually settling on the completely inadequate, …good.
As always, Miss Go cut straight to the heart of the matter, "you can't describe how it felt, can you?"
…No… she finally agreed. I've never felt anything like that… not even with… you know who.
"Ok…" Miss Go said, sounding quite taken aback by the admission and perhaps slightly put out that she had been robbed of the opportunity to tease the admission from her. "How does that make you feel?"
The memory of the barrel of lust exploding in the fires of desire filled Shego's mind and she drowned in the sheer blissful, raw passion that had flowed effortlessly between herself and Kimmie, as they had been drawn back together and engaged in a furious, albeit short make-out session. It only ended when in her memory, the generators powering Drakken's lightning ray blew. The blast sent Shego hurtling back to reality and her eyes opened with a snap and she sat bolt upright. "Holy shit," she breathed raggedly, as the final embers of the encounter ebbed. She immediately turned her body to fetch her glass and take a drink to steady her nerves, however, as her thighs rubbed together, she could feel the stickiness in her crotch. Fuck, that was… intense. She quickly took that drink.
"Well, if that memory isn't enough to get you all hot and bothered, I don't know what is," Miss Go then said playfully. "I wonder just how far the two of you might have gone if those stupid generators hadn't of blown."
I don't know, Shego admitted, as she took a few deep breaths, followed by that drink to settle herself. I can't speak for Kimmie, but my self-control was gone after that first kiss. Had those damn generators not blown when they had, I was probably only a few kisses away from trying to strip her out of that battle suit.
"I suspect Kim lost all her self-control too," Miss Go postulated. "And I think we both know where that scenario was headed and you sound annoyed that it didn't get there."
I wanted to have her every which way I could and fate denied me that, Shego spat in annoyance, although it was not at her devil's advocate. Kimmie's cute, sexy and I'm attracted to her… A barrage of thoughts about all the things she could possibly do to the heroine if she had her way, filled Shego's mind and a wicked smile formed on her thin lips. …And I still want her every which way I can, at least once.
"You know that's going to take a lot more work and effort now," Miss Go cautioned. "You toppled Kim's defences with the revelation that she enjoyed that first kiss and like yourself, she lost control. She's not likely going to fall into your lap so easily a second time. You'll need to guide her there willingly of her own accord."
Kimmie's nowhere near ready for that, Shego said with a hint of bitterness.
"Exactly," Miss Go agreed. "Which begs the question, what do you intend to do? If you want her, you're going to have to play the long game and be willing to pay the entrance fee, whatever that might be. Are you sure you're ready to do that?"
She's not some hooker, Shego snorted in disgust, catching herself slightly by surprise.
"A poor choice of words on my part," Miss Go said apologetically. "However, we both know that Kim is going to want something in return and you can bet you'll have to give it to her before she feels comfortable enough to give you what you want. So, I'll ask you again, are you prepared to do that?"
Shego did not have an answer to the woman's question and suspected she would not until such a time as she found herself faced with the situation in question. In the dark depths of her mind, she could just make out a different voice, a splintered fragment of her Shego persona, yell at her that nothing about her recent actions and feelings towards Kimmie was right and that she needed to return to the safety and security of them simply being hero and villain; nemeses. However, she chose to drown the voice out with the last of her fruit mojito. I don't know, but there's only one way to find out.
The image of a smiling Miss Go formed in her mind as the woman said, "that's good. Now I think it's time you sent that message."
Yeah, Shego agreed and picked up her cell phone from the table. Flipping it open she found Kimmie's name in her short list of contacts and quickly composed a message: Saturday night, Spritzers; 8 pm, and hit send.
"You know, Kimmie might not be ready yet, but that doesn't mean you can't show her what's on offer once she is," Miss Go said as she set her phone back down.
Heh, aren't you getting a bit naughty, Shego said with a grin. However, it's a fair point. Kimmie was definitely checking me out last time we went for a drink, let's really give her something to check out this time.
It was a strange thing for Shego to find herself in agreement with her devil's advocate and for her not to be arguing with it. And she had to admit, it felt quite good, refreshing even. While her time in prison certainly had not convinced her to turn over a new leaf in terms of her occupation, she could not help but feel that she had left a changed woman. Perhaps it was poetic then that she sat watching a beautiful sunset as she embraced this fact. For the first time in a long, long time, Shego had something to look forward to in life and she could not wait to see where it might lead.
