Shinso

It had only been three weeks, and I felt like I had been living with this varied and chaotic group for months. From a French talk with Aoyama, discussing rock and punk bands with Tokoyami and Jiro, to physical training with Shoji and Oijiro, I had managed to learn their names faster than I thought, but I couldn't help but feel like I hadn't yet I was on par.

That night after dinner, I don't know how long I was listening to music staring at the ceiling. No matter how loud the volume was, I couldn't dissuade my mind from thinking about things that only wear me out.

I could feel my cheeks burning as I remembered the few minutes in which Kaminari and I were in that tiny space playing hide and seek, but it was once we were alone again that I thought my chest would collapse from the blood pressure my heart was pumping

Resigned, I decided to stop procrastinating and study for final exams. I settled into my desk only to find that I couldn't focus on the notes I had written. My mind just wandered over and over to the various events that happened a few days ago.

Eri was not even remotely the shadow of the shy and fearful girl who arrived just over a month ago. She had managed to adapt very quickly to the dorm environment, especially to those who now served as her legal tutors, which officially made me her older brother; I hope to do well.

On the other hand, that date was approaching in the year that inevitably wreaked havoc on my mood. I think it was just for that reason that I was practically forbidden to isolate myself, in addition to the fact that the climate has not been the best either.

Added to that he couldn't help feeling that I was constantly being watched. Whether it was in the hallways, in the library, in the cafeteria, on the branch of the tree where I usually stay and even in the dorms. I didn't think that my course change would attract so much attention, until one day I was sitting on the ottoman in one of the windows in the common area, because "leaving my cave would do me good from time to time" according to the teacher in charge and my tutor, four of the six girls I share a classroom with, approached with more encouragement than I will ever have in my entire life.

– Shinso! – The only female member of the Bakusquad honored her main characteristic, causing me to almost throw my book out the window after what she understood is a form of greeting

– Yes, Ashido? – hiding my discomfort

– Well… – As if it were a keyword, the quartet surrounded me, staring at me – Are you interested in someone? – Why do you approach me with this kind of question? I hope my face hasn't exposed me

– You just gave yourself away – I couldn't see her hand, but I'm sure Hagakure was pointing at me

– Why do you want to know?

– Because despite being so attractive, we don't know why you are single. – I didn't think this topic would also be of interest to Uraraka, considering how she looks at Midoriya

– What? Are any of you interested?

– It depends, kero

– What kind of girl do you like, Shinso? – The pink one was too excited about this topic, but considering the error in her question, I could ramble to satisfy her curiosity ... or perhaps make it worse.

– I guess the opposite of me

– That is very ambiguous – protested the invisible

– Who are you interested in? Who has captivated your heart? Who do you think about before sleeping? Who do you sigh for day ...? – Is "Deku" the answer to those questions for you, Uraraka?

– I don't see why that information would be useful to you – making a pass between them. – If you excuse me, the evening between me and the Heroic Ethics book will be the most romantic thing I'll ever be of a relationship. – Going to the stairs, reinforcing the idea that interaction with others is not my strong suit.

– Mystery only makes you more attractive! – Ashido yelled before going up the stairs.

I must admit that she was much bolder than I ever would be, yet I couldn't reveal to them what I don't think I can ever confess to him in the first place.

Even though I was a few steps from my room, when I heard the "I got it!" it was too late for me. In a matter of seconds, I felt a considerable weight on my chest, as I realized that I no longer had the copy I was reading in my hands. I was still in shock, on my back wondering who I was and how I ended up in that situation.

– Shinso, are you okay? – It took me a few moments to decode the tone of voice, but it was that unique and characteristic black line in the form of a lightning bolt in his yellow hair that reminded me that I was alive, because with how fast my heart felt, it could not be otherwise.

– Oh no – yes, I thought the same. Sero had a look that alternated amazement and mockery – I'll go get some scissors!

– For what you…? – And it was not even necessary to finish the question because, the fact that Kaminari did not get up despite my attempts to move confirmed that we could not. In his hands he had a ball and, at least the parts that were visible, were covered with tape, sponsored by the only walking dispenser I know of. – It can't be – I sighed, dropping, trying to calm my nerves.

– I'm sorry – the boy complained about me, making his breathing on my chest worse my state

– Just because of this situation, this type of activity is prohibited. – Thinking about the heroic oath right now would be a very good alternative for distraction, if it were not for the fact that knowing that who I like was in a compromising situation with me, in a difficult context to explain.

– I'm really sorry – How much longer are you going to take, Sero?

– Perhaps the corresponding punishment will compensate this – for this I deigned to look at him, but I didn't wait for him to be so red

– I'll do what you ask, but don't say anything to Professor Aizawa – don't worry, I don't intend to tell him the details that have us in this position, regardless of how suggestive that offer is

– I wasn't serious, you don't have to worry – letting me fall again, wondering where the rest of our companions were and why they weren't there to help us.

– Shinso, there is something I wanted to ask you ... – and as if it were not enough, accompanied by your tone of voice, that sentence was the only thing missing from my unstable emotional state

– Go ahead – I agreed clenching my fists, wondering if I had been so easy to read

– Do you…?

– I'm sorry for being late!

– About time – without being sure to be relieved or frustrated. The boy knelt and a few seconds later we were free.

– Why did you take so long?

– Was it really that long? – helping us to get up – Or maybe I wanted you to share some quality time? – If the girls were as assertive as Sero, they wouldn't have asked so many questions or maybe just the right one.

– I have an idea where you can spend quality time – he was about to fall in my trap until he covered his mouth. He simply communicated with a series of gestures that he would be in his room, or whatever the box he made in the air meant, before leaving.

– What were you going to ask me? – I said in front of the rest one – I'm not going to use my quirk with you.

– No ... It's nothing.

– Kaminari

– I already caused you too much trouble ...

– I'm not mad at you – taking his arm

– I know. Anyway, I forgot what I was going to ask you – He was obviously tense and it was obvious that he had no intention of speaking, so I released him. – See you later. – Just walking away.

I took the book a few steps from my door and just flopped onto the bed, carrying a pillow over my head. I felt stunned. I wonder if he would have left me with uncertainty if he knew that every word he omits or says means so much to me.

It's getting harder and harder for me to just be friends, Kaminari.

For this day in the year it was always a matter of chance that it was not raining and today was not the occasion. It had been wet since early and the sky was cloudy enough to think it wouldn't stop for the next few hours, though maybe it was for the best anyway. Some years were more bearable than others, but in all without exception, the most difficult thing was going through this process of inescapable mourning. Perhaps the rain only manifested the accumulation of tears that many years ago didn't usually frequent my cheeks.

As if they were the symptoms of some illness, it began a few days before; my appetite decreases, I am often distracted, and my isolation is often the best way to avoid having to deal with questions I don't want to answer. It was not intentional; it is as if my body manifests that this is the best way not to overlook them, not to forget them, but that is impossible. As usual, the news always commemorates this day, reporting to the victims' relatives to bring flowers and other offerings to the place where the accident occurred, while I usually visit their graves while I am convinced that they are still somehow with me.

That morning, as in the previous days, I had received a visit from my tutors, but I know that their intentions this time wasn't a simple routine monitoring.

– I'm sorry that this day you can't visit them – listening to him so calmly, it was a sign that he was worried. – You know you can talk to us if you need it. – Tightening his hug even more

– Don't overdo it – now it was the more reserved of the two who stroked my hair

– I just need time alone –I said, though I didn't dare meet their eyes. I didn't want to take on their pity.

– I'll come later to see how you're doing –the black–haired man announced, before they left.

I went back to my room, having no idea what to do. Despite not having slept the night before, I wasn't sleepy. I thought about reading for a while, but couldn't concentrate. I had tried to get on the bed, but the floor looked much nicer; I was running out of ideas. I would like to be anesthetized.

At last I decided to drop down on the floor of the room, looking up at the ceiling and listening to instrumental music while trying to ignore the raindrops that a few minutes later had increased in intensity, reaffirming that today I had no right to any other feeling than melancholy.

I had managed to immerse myself in the Rupert Gregson–Williams pieces to the point of losing my sense of space time by minutes, however, I could still feel that something was not quite right. Was this the right thing to do? I often think of them, when I see my reflection in the mirror, I see that I have become my father's copy, and when I speak the little French I remember, I imagine my mother making me practice it with her. Maybe the reason I felt this weight on my chest was because I couldn't spend enough time with them. My memories are diffuse and the image that I conceive of them is from the photos that I keep. It's not my fault, I know, but that excuse doesn't mitigate the havoc that their absences wreak every year.

I turned up the volume on the music and just waited for the day to finally end and take this discomfort with it.

– Ahead! – I yelled after what seemed like hours of constant whipping. I did not feel like interacting with anyone, and my current state was not the most ideal either, but perhaps, whoever knocked on my door would walk away once they noticed it with his/her own eyes.

– I can pass? – My eyes widened instantly. I got up to see the last person who wanted me to see myself in this state.

– You're already in – I resigned myself, returning to my previous position. As an analogy, seeing him enter my room was like a ray of light, but I felt vulnerable, more than usual; I guess I couldn't say no to those eyes. As cautiously as possible, he lay down beside me, feet facing away from me, at least a meter away, in silence. I was feeling in a trance, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't comfortable with him keeping me company.

– Here – passing one of the ends of my headphones, which he took without comment. He was so calm that he seemed to be someone else. We listened to several of the composer's pieces until he finally spoke, asking the most typical question in this situation

– How are you? – His voice was shy, as if he did not want to clash with Townsend's solemn tone that we were hearing.

– Not at all ... This day is usually like that; It will pass

– The truth ... – sitting up, anchored my sight towards him – The reason why I'm here is because I cowed. – Now I was the one who got up. – I didn't want to feel like I was invading your privacy, but after overhearing a conversation between Prof. Aizawa and Prof. Yamada, I couldn't ignore it.

– What conversation? – that was the first time I saw him afflicted

– About your biological parents ... Y – you don't have to tell me about them! I just ... I want you to know that you can count on me. – Showing me a shy smile. In my isolation, I had overlooked that I was worrying others. – Also, with Midoriya, Sero, Kirishima, Ashido, Oijiro ...

– Perhaps ... – taking off my headphones – I have suppressed the lack of them for so long that maybe talking about my biological parents makes me feel closer to them. – I got up to go to one of the compartments of my closet. I took a box in which I kept some objects from my childhood, including the stuffed bear with which I slept until I was seven, but among all of them, there were the photos that I kept, accommodating me next to it. – She's my mother. She was a pastry chef and sometimes she speaks to me in French.

– You speak French? – amazed

– Un peu – I answered just for him to make the gesture I expected, making me smile. – He's my father. He was a doctor. – Little by little…

– He looks a lot like Prof. Aizawa – The weight on my shoulders ...

– Yes ... – became lighter. – Here my father brushed his teeth to go to work… – And, after a long time

– A kitten pajamas! – to omit these memories

– This is from my first day of elementary school – because I thought them would only depress me

– You have the same expression as now – I was beginning to feel ...

– This was our last Christmas together – ... happy.

A drop moistened the photo with the image of my father and me on his lap.

– Shinso… – When did I start crying?

– I'm fine – wiping away my tears as I felt a smile form on my face. – Thank you Kaminari – I didn't think I would be able to feel in such a good mood on a day like this.

– I'm glad I helped – showing me a bigger smile than before. – There's something else – he looked for his cell phone, and shortly after he handed me one of the ends of a pair of headphones. – When my grandfather died, I went through a similar situation and this song always made me feel better. – I listened silently to the lyrics, while I contemplated the photos in front of me, and then the last words they said came to my mind "We will always be with you, Hitoshi ..."

The song was as if they were words whispered by them, telling me that it was inevitable to feel sadness and loneliness, but that even in those moments, they had never left me, encouraging me to continue. I was overcome with a pleasant sense of peace.

– Kaminari – Your presence was always synonymous of joy for me, – Would you like to accompany me to visit them sometime?

– Sure – like a lantern in the middle of a storm

– And Kaminari, – who enlightens everyone around it – Thank you very much for being my friend. – with a friendly, smiling light.

It had been a few intense days lately and I had to go back to my duties, however, as if it were an inopportune irony, just when I finally decided to immerse myself in the wonderful and vast world of knowledge, my motivated mood vanished as soon as the darkness enveloped me.

– A short circuit? – I questioned reluctantly, taking my cell phone to go out into the hall. The noise from the other rooms did not wait as we, together with those I was meeting, made our way to the first floor. The storm had worsened considerably, to the point that more than drops of water, it seemed to rain lightning.

By the time we reached the common area, a loud noise, or rather, a scream was heard from the second floor.

– Keep calm! – Iida indicated to us while Momo was in charge of creating flashlights that she facilitated to those who were present.

– Tokoyami – Tsuyu pronounced, alarmed next to Uraraka. I had heard that during the camp they attended, during the attack of the villains, Dark Shadow had lost control. Is this also another attack?

– I'll go see how he is – Midoriya advanced

– Wait! – Iida stopped him – it's dangerous for you to deal with Dark Shadow!

– I'll go find Todoroki and Kacchan to help me

– Take this – said the black–haired woman, creating a flashlight and a radio instantly – Contact us if necessary – and in a matter of seconds, he was gone.

Due to the low light, I could not clearly see who was present. I barely managed to distinguish Oijiro who was next to Aoyama, and thus, as I was observing carefully, the others were present: Jiro, Satou ... Or at least I thought so. My anxiety was mounting as, among all the familiar faces, there was not the one I wanted to see.

It was then that, after getting a little closer to the front, I saw three members of the distinctive Bakusquad standing in front of one of the windows. I decided to get closer to them, but something seemed off.

– We cannot stay without doing anything!

– I know, but Prof. Aizawa said he would take care

– And what if it's too late for that? Kaminari may be in danger ... – My muscles tensed instantly

– What did you say about Kaminari? – I demanded to Sero, who covered Ashido's mouth with his hands – What do you mean by "being in danger" Ashido? – I asserted, feeling my heavy breathing, but she refused to answer me. I was getting closer to the black–haired guy until my progress was interrupted

– Kaminari went out for a walk in the afternoon and hasn't returned yet – Kirishima finally spoke – We fear he is in trouble, considering the previous attacks of the villains – his lips moved, but my mind no longer processed his words. The combination of "Kaminari" and "villains" in the same sentence only made my stomach turn.

– Where are you going, Shinso?! – Sero's hand gripped my arm tightly

– To look for him, obviously – heading to the exit

– Shinso, we are also worried about him, but we cannot be impulsive! – now it was Kirishima who was holding me

– While we are here, Kaminari is there alone facing who knows what! – trying to get rid of both

– Shinso! – I had no choice

– Don't follow me – I ordered, finally freeing myself from their hold. I took one of the raincoats from the entrance, and went out in search of him.

The air was thinning as cold raindrops lunged at me as I tried to guess where he might be. The strong pain in my chest was only increasing and the rays didn't stop manifesting themselves, consecutive and fierce; as if in the uncertainty of his whereabouts they were also protesting with me.

I yelled his name hoping to hear an answer, but it was useless. At one point, the blizzard was so strong that the raincoat I was wearing, due to the intensity of the rain, never fulfilled its function and was snatched from me with such intensity that, when it fell to the ground due to the drag, the flashlight I was holding was useless in a matter of seconds. However, I was not going to give up, ever.

I continued as best I could to one of the buildings closest to my destination, numbed by the cold, humidity and fear that tormented me thinking that one of the most important people for me could be helpless somewhere under the gloom of this gloomy night, perhaps cornered by some villain or an even worse scenario.

Just in a moment of desperation, I was able to realize that the rays were being drawn in only one direction, and this being my only clue, I headed there without hesitation.

Regardless of what I found when I got there, I wouldn't stop until I found you, Kaminari.


Hi! I hope you are well after so much intensity.

Fact # 62

The chapters in which Shinso narrates are my favorites because he's the character with whom I have the most affinity with. I loved how he described what Kaminari means to him.

Fact # 63

The song Kaminari refers to is "One Step Closer" - INTERSECTION (it's in Japanese, but the lyrics go like this)

"I don't want to see you shed tears in loneliness,
In a normal day we go through difficult times
So our hearts unite
Don't cry anymore with that feeling
Because I can't accept it "

And as you may have noticed, it is also about how Kaminari feels about Shinso.

...

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