Pehea wau i ʻike ai i kou makuahine
Based on the characters and stories of Hawaii Five-0.
Hawaii Five-0 is owned by CBS and their respective creators.
Catherine paced back and forth. Usually she loved the sounds of nature, but today it was unnerving. Manassas was quiet. Her property was a quarter mile off the road and although it was a typical suburban neighborhood, the treelines between the spaced out neighboring houses gave her much appreciated privacy. It wasn't that she had never lived alone before- she had. It was that she had never been this alone before.
Her phone vibrated on the kitchen counter and Catherine nearly pounced on it.
Jude: How's the new place? Unpacked yet?
Catherine: It's quiet.
Jude: Quiet is good. Why do you think I have a cabin in the mountains?
Catherine: Not sure since you claim to never stay there.
Jude: No one likes a sarcastic spy, Princess.
Catherine chewed on her lip and contemplated her response when another text lit up the screen.
Jude: You up for some company?
Catherine: I thought you'd never ask.
Headlights lit up the front yard as Jude's menacing truck slowed to a stop beside her Corvette. One tree trunk leg after the other jumped down from the cab and marched around to the side door. Jude knocked once before letting himself in when he found it unlocked, "Princess." He called out in warning.
"Back here!" Catherine yelled.
Jude followed the sound of her voice and found Catherine stacking boxes in the back bedroom. The wide expanse of his hand nearly covered the entirety of the small of her back. He leaned down and pecked her cheek, "You should really keep your doors locked."
Catherine wiped the dust on her hands on the back of her jeans, "You got here quick."
"I was at Langley." He followed Catherine down the hall and into the kitchen. A bouquet of flowers on the kitchen counter caught his eye and he cursed himself for not bringing her some. "Who sent you these?" He asked as he plucked the card off of the plastic pick that was shoved in between the stems. One thick eyebrow raised up at Catherine. She was about to respond, but the card was already open in his hand.
Lieutenant Rollins-
You didn't call, so I had to go old school and look you up.
It may be a little corny, but I haven't been able to
stop thinking about you. Consider these a peace offering
for spilling coffee on you.
I hope to hear from you soon.
-Donovan Taylor
Jude did another inspection of the bouquet as he violently shoved the card back in the middle. His tone was even as he asked, "Playing hard to get with the Senator?"
"Not playing hard to get. I'm just not interested." Catherine reached into the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of wine. "Want something?"
"I'll have whatever you're having."
She pulled out two wine glasses from the otherwise empty cabinet and fished around in a drawer for a corkscrew, "They're just flowers. Not like he actually asked me on a date." She stabbed the metal spire into the cork and began to twist, "And even if he did, I'd say no. He's not my type."
"Oh yeah?" Jude took the bottle from her when she pulled the cork out and poured. "What is your type."
Catherine snickered, "Not a jackass in a suit."
"Navy SEALs?"
She shrugged, "I've been with two. And yes, I've been accused of being a froghog. To be fair, Steve and I met before he got into BUD/s and Billy and I met because of Steve, so I don't think it really counts as being a froghog. I didn't go out hunting for SEALs."
Jude swirled the wine in his glass, "Who else have you been with over the years?"
"Just them."
His eyebrows shot up as he took a sip, "You said you met Charming in the nineties?" Catherine nodded. He set his glass on the counter, "So in- what? Eighteen? Nineteen years? You've only dated two people."
"Says the guy who only does no-strings attached sex during R and R." She snapped.
He raised his hands defensively and took a step back, "I didn't mean it like that. I, uh, I think it's admirable." He picked up his glass again and took a long drink, "Shows that you stick around."
Her forearms rested on the counter as she leaned forward and stared into the glass, "Probably more than I should sometimes. I'm a go-down-with-the-ship kind of girl. Even when I know I should save myself."
"Like I said." He stood behind her and pressed his palms to the countertop, boxing her in. "I think it's admirable." His arms closed in on hers and he rested his forehead on the back of her shoulder, "How have you been feeling? You had your physical with the doc today, right?"
"I'm fine."
"Are you, though?" His hand slid down her arm to her waist. Firmly, Jude turned her to face him, "Catherine, don't bullshit me. I was there when it happened, remember?"
She closed her eyes and took a breath, "I'm fine… now. They don't know what caused it. Could have been stress. Could have been something genetic. Could have been anything." Catherine looked up at him, "The doctor said you did everything right. And… and it would have been really bad if you hadn't shown up. But I'm cleared to go back in the field."
Jude saw the corner of her mouth tremble. Catherine didn't like showing emotion. He knew that. Hell, he was the same way. "Hey." He said calmly as he pulled her into his arms, "You wanna know something?" He murmured into her hair.
"Hm?"
"I sat in my truck outside the doctor's office today while you were in there." He confessed as he rubbed idle circles on her back, "I didn't wanna impose, but if something came up, I wanted to be close by. I care about you."
She rested her head on his chest and melted at his touch, "This house is so quiet."
"You ever lived alone before?"
"Yeah. Just not this alone before."
His brows knitted together as he deposited their empty glasses into the sink and took charge, taking her by the hand and leading her to the couch. "What do you mean?"
Catherine curled up beside him and rested her head on his shoulder, "Even in the safe house in Kiev, I was really just there to sleep. I was always out with Ahmad's wife or you'd stop by or I'd be running dead drops. I had a house in Hawaii during my last year in the Navy. Steve wasn't sure about the whole living together thing, so I rented my own place. It was mine and I slept there sometimes, but either he was there with me or I was at his place. Eventually we just moved in together." She fiddled with the hem of her sweatshirt, "Way before that I had an apartment in Coronado. It was before Steve and I were together, but Steve or him and his friends were always there. I'd have them all over for dinner or he'd come over and help me study when I was in language training. It was never just… empty."
"And now you've got fifteen hundred square feet all to yourself."
"Yeah."
Jude stretched his arm across the back of the couch, "So you're how old and you've never lived alone?"
"Thirty-eight." She groaned, "In my defense, most of that was when I was in the Navy and didn't have a choice."
"I think living alone is probably the best thing for you right now." He stated. "I mean, you just got out of a long term relationship. Moved to the other side of the hemisphere. Started a new job." He ticked off his points by tapping her shoulder.
Her lips turned into a thin line, "You always think you know what's best for me, don't you?"
Jude reached out and trailed his thumb across her near-frown. The thin line relaxed and turned into and almost-smile. "Maybe I think I know who's best for you."
"You know the Afghanistan team has a betting pool on when we're gonna hook up. Caroline said she'd split it with me if I got you in bed closest to her bet." Catherine giggled. "I'm just saying - she was gonna go fifty-fifty. I'd almost be tempted to split my three hundred dollars with you just to stick it to the rest of the house for doing that."
He stared at her in disbelief for a full minute before his shock turned into a grin, "Marshall's bullshitting you."
Catherine laughed, "You really think she'd offer me three hundred dollars if she wasn't serious?"
Jude shook his head as he chuckled, "Oh no, I know there's a betting pool. Decker told me about it a while ago. Offered to go sixty-forty on it. Caroline's lying to you about how much it is. Decker showed me the ledger. It's over a thousand dollars now. Apparently the Kiev team got in on it too. If she only offered you three hundred and said it was fifty-fifty, she's trying to pull a fast one on you."
Her jaw hit the floor, "Well, dammit!"
He pulled her legs up, draping them across his lap, and scooting her closer. "What do you think?" He said as he ran his hand up and down her leg, "Who's gonna win?"
His square jaw loomed dangerously close. The feeling of goose bumps at someone's touch- a feeling she had long forgotten- had returned, sparks skittering up and down her body. "Jude…"
"It's okay if you're not ready." He reassured her. "But I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't interested."
"What about your rules?" She asked. Jude sighed. The inner turmoil was obvious. "Jude, maybe you should stop worrying about if I'm ready and think about if you actually want to break whatever code of conduct you've set for yourself." Catherine nudged his chin with the top of her head before laying it on his shoulder, "You've never told me why you have these rules when Marshall doesn't care."
Jude chuckled, "Other than the obvious that workplace romances are generally a bad idea?"
"Yeah."
He ran his hand through the haircut she had given him and rubbed the back of his neck, "Once bitten, twice as shy."
Catherine's gaze softened as she curled into his side, "You fell in love?"
"Mhm." He nodded, "Kinda like you and Charming. We uh, we met when Decker and I were training at The Farm. She was badass, let me tell you." His reminiscent smile turned wistful, "A year later, Beth and I had a place in Falls Church. Little three story brownstone close to Langley. I had a ring I was gonna give her on New Year's Eve. I was gonna ask her to marry me."
She uttered the two words that no one in their line of work dared. "What happened?"
"Day after Christmas she got sent on assignment to Afghanistan. It was supposed to be a quick one. She was really just there to tag along for some training." All of a sudden, the life drained out of his eyes. Jude's happy-go-lucky demeanor was gone and in its place was a ghost. He turned to her, "Where were you December 30, 2009?"
Catherine racked her brain. Steve was still in the SEALs in 2009. That was his last deployment before the North Korea op. "I, um, I was in the Navy…. I was on the USS Enterprise working in Naval Intelligence." Before she could ask why, it dawned on her, "The attack on Camp Chapman… Al-Balawi set off that s-vest inside the wire." She had been on shift when it happened- the unthinkable. A triple agent had arrived on base for a debrief and set off a suicide vest in the middle of the base. Ten people had died. Seven were CIA agents and contractors. The number of others severely injured was obscene. Trembling fingers met her mouth, "Oh my God, Jude. I'm… I'm so sorry."
He stared into the floor, "Day after New Years I got a call from the trauma surgeon at FOB Salerno. He, uh, he told me he wanted to call me in person to make the notification." The divot between his brows deepened as he pressed his fist to his mouth, "She was still conscious when they got her to the hospital in Salerno, but she was real bad off. The surgeon worked on her for hours but, he uh, he said even Beth knew she wasn't gonna make it. The doc said that she had asked him to call me and tell me that she loved me. Even made him stop treating her for a minute to write down my phone number." He cracked a smile, "That was Beth for you. She was stubborn as hell."
"Jude…." Catherine wrapped her arms around his wide shoulders as best she could. "I had no idea… I'm so sorry."
"A couple years ago," He began as he shifted and pulled Catherine into his lap, "The surgeon from FOB Salerno- he was living in New York at the time, but was driving down to Virginia to visit some family, he called me up. Said he wanted to talk."
Catherine was hesitant, but relaxed in his arms, "So did you?"
Jude nodded, "We met up at Bodo's Bagels. I still need to take you there, by the way. Damn good bagels. Anyway, we, uh, we ate breakfast and he told me about when he started treating her. The doc, he said she kept cracking jokes. They'd been working through the night and were running on fumes and there was this sassy, little blonde pixie laying on the operating table who kept making jokes. She was bleeding out beyond repair, but as long as she kept talking, they were gonna do everything they could. She, uh, she was too far gone, but he remembered her after he got out of the service. Saved my number and wanted to tell me. Give me closure."
"Wow." She took a shaky breath as the weight of his past settled, "How do you move on from something like that?"
"Decker and Marshall." He cracked a smile, "Remember how you were the first few days in Kabul? When you moved into the house?" His fingers trailed up and down her spine, "Stayed in your room twenty-three hours a day. Didn't talk to anyone. You were angry and sad." Jude exhaled a deep breath, "I was the same way. But Decker and I were tight and I'd known Caroline for a little while. They'd drag my ass out of my room and make me eat. Decker would bug the shit out of me until I went on a run with him."
A small smile broke across her lips, "So that's why you barged in my room and assigned yourself to me. Because you'd been there?"
"I'd gone through a little less blackmail and advanced interrogation, but yeah. I know what that dark place feels like. I know how long it took me to stop being angry. And then it took even longer to stop being sad. And then it took a fucking miracle for me to wanna get back on the horse, so to speak." He paused in stoic contemplation, "The human heart doesn't contain a finite amount of love that can only be shared sparingly. If you live life like you're going to run out of love, you'll miss out on really living. We're supposed to love big and hard and wild every second we have air in our lungs."
For a guy who looked imposing, he was also captivating. He was safe. With doe eyes, Catherine looked up at him, "What was the miracle?"
Jude reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "You."
"Princess." Jude's gruff voice was laced with urgency as he shook her, "Wake up."
Catherine mumbled a string of colorful profanities as she rubbed her eyes, "Did we fall asleep on the couch?"
He nodded, "Yes, we did." He looked down at his phone again, "You need to wake up."
"What's the matter?"
"Doris is in trouble." He stated as he thumbed through a message on his phone.
Immediately, Catherine was upright and hovering over his shoulder, "What do you mean? What happened? Where is she?"
Jude just shook his head, "I don't know. She, uh, she sent me a message late last night saying she was running an unsanctioned op and that if I didn't get an 'all clear' from her by this morning, that I needed to get you to get in touch with Charming and that he'd know what to do."
If this was Doris trying to play matchmaker after the hell that Catherine had just gone through, Catherine was going to kill everybody involved. "What kind of 'unsanctioned op' are we talking about?"
"Doris was gonna break some guy named Yao Fat out of a blacksite. I don't know why, I don't know where, and I'm trying to get through to some people who might have information, but no one's talking."
Catherine's feet hit the floor as she leaned over and tried her best to control her frantic breathing. "Fucking shit." She reached for her phone to place the call that she knew she needed to make, but Jude's hand intercepted hers.
"I can call him for you."
She let his hand wrap around hers, "I need a plane ticket to Hawaii. Wherever's got the next flight out. Dulles. Reagan. Richmond. Norfolk. I don't care. Hell, if there's a cargo plane leaving Langley AFB, I'll take it."
Jude jumped up and followed her as she hurried back to her bedroom and pulled a backpack out of the closet, "I'm coming with you."
"No, you're not."
"Princess…"
Catherine turned and placed her hands on his chest, "Is this about us getting Doris back or me seeing Steve again?"
"Doris." He lied.
"Bullshit."
Jude scrubbed his face, "Can you really handle seeing him again?"
Probably not. It was a recipe for disaster and Catherine knew that. But, if Doris had set up her fail-safe to include Steve, she had to play ball the way Doris had intended. "I need you here. If you come and things go sideways for us too, no one else knows."
She had a damn good point and he hated that. "Then I'll go. You stay."
"Steve doesn't know you. His relationship with Doris is strained at best. It's gonna take some convincing to get him on board with going after her, and that's not even including the fact that Doris is in trouble for trying to break out the father of the man who killed her husband and Steve's dad." She said as she stuffed the bag with clothes and gear. "It has to be this way."
Jude caught her by the waist and hauled her against his body, "You promise you'll be okay."
"I promise."
He took her bag and slung it over his shoulder. Grabbing his keys, he loaded up the truck and peeled out of the driveway, "Dulles has a direct flight going out in an hour. I'll get you on it." His eyes glared at the road as he sped down the highway, "When you've talked to him- if he knows where she is- call me and I'll get you in country."
Catherine reached over without hesitation and grabbed his hand, "It's gonna be fine." She cracked a wry smile, "What's the worst that could happen?"
Steve grinned as Lynn sat back in her seat. They had gorged themselves on the dinner he had prepared. There was no way either of them were going to be able to move after the feast they had just consumed. So long, sex. He chuckled quietly at the thought. He had never had that issue with Catherine, because frankly, they never actually made it to dinner. He pushed the thought of his long-gone ex out of his mind as Lynn glanced up from her plate and flashed a coy smile.
"Mmh." Lynn smiled, "My brain is telling me to stop, but my stomach's saying, 'keep going'." She giggled before sliding another bite in her mouth.
Steve grinned, "You should listen to your stomach because we have dessert coming up."
Lynn bit her lip and smiled, "Yeah? Whatcha got?"
Steve raised his wine glass before declaring, "Homemade chantilly cake with macadamia nuts." He smirked as he took a sip.
"Ohhhh." Lynn laughed quietly, "That is impressive. I'd better pace myself." She stated as she came up with a game plan for how she was going to possibly fit more food in her stomach.
"Hey, I love the new haircut." Steve acknowledged.
"Yeah?" Lynn questioned his honesty.
"Yeah, I do." He smiled, "I think the bangs are super cute." He poured her another glass of wine.
"Cheers." Lynn smiled as she held her glass up to him.
"Cheers. I'll go get some more wine." Steve noted.
"No, no, no." Lynn stopped him from getting up. "You just relax. You've done enough." She stated as she grabbed her glass and the empty wine bottle and stood up before leaning in for a kiss. Steve pecked her lips twice and grinned. "I'll be back." She whispered.
"Okay." He agreed with a smile. "I'll be here." He turned to watch her walk to the kitchen, admiring how sweet and carefree she was. His thoughts were interrupted by the dreaded ring of his cell phone. It was probably HPD calling him about a case, not remembering that Danny was the one on call tonight.
Unknown. Steve glanced at the caller ID before answering, "Hello." He said flatly. He wasn't about to let his evening with Lynn get interrupted by something that was probably unimportant.
"Steve?" The voice on the other end answered hesitantly.
Steve's heart twisted as his stomach dropped. He felt the air in his lungs escape and his throat tighten. His eyes darted back and forth as his mind confirmed the voice was who he thought it was, "Catherine?"
"Yeah, It's me." She replied, knowing she was probably the last person he wanted to speak to. "Listen, can you talk?"
"Uh, kind of." Steve glanced back at the kitchen to make sure Lynn was out of earshot. "You alright?" He stammered.
"Oh, I-I'm fine, I'm fine." She confirmed. "Steve, listen, there's something going on that you need to know about, but, uh, I can't really get into it over an open line."
"Catherine, what are you talking about?" He wiped his mouth with his napkin before standing up to walk a little further away from Lynn.
"I'll explain everything in a minute." She replied before ending the call.
Steve glanced at his phone after hearing the call drop. Headlights flashed through the living room windows as a car pulled into the driveway. Steve stared at the door. His mind raced as it registered the fact that Catherine wanted to talk to him right then. Right there. She was here. He panicked. His normal, stoic demeanor was gone and fear flashed through his eyes.
"I couldn't decide." Lynn said as she walked in with two bottles of wine, holding them up for him to choose between red or white. "You okay?" She asked gently. He looked flustered and nervous. Frankly, he looked like he had just seen a ghost.
"Uh." Steve paced. "Yeah, um… somethin's going on. I'm not quite sure what it is…" He rambled, trying to gauge how much information to give Lynn.
They both turned quickly at the sound of a knock on the front door. "You expecting someone?" Lynn asked hesitantly.
"No, I wasn't, uh… She just decided to drop in." Steve's voice was full of trepidation.
"She?" Lynn was thoroughly confused. She? Another woman? His sister? His co-worker? Lynn was bordering between confusion and anger. He had held her at arm's length before and she had made it clear that she didn't want to be a rebound. Now, they had gotten together in a more official sort of relationship capacity, and suddenly she wasn't so sure that there wasn't something to be worried about.
"Catherine." Steve said flatly.
"Catherine? Like... Catherine, Catherine?" Lynn felt anger pulse through her body as she tried to keep calm. After she had found the engagement ring in Steve's dresser, he had finally told her how serious their relationship had been. Lynn knew he was still a little hung up on her, even though he'd never admit it, but she thought they could work past it since Catherine was living overseas now. Or so she thought.
"Yeah, uh, um. I'm sorry, could you just excuse me for just a second?" Steve said nervously.
Lynn watched as he stepped away from her and hesitated before opening the door.
Steve swung the door open quickly - like ripping off a bandaid. But the pain that followed wasn't a quick sting. Just seeing her face felt like a shot to the heart. "Hey." He said in the most monotone voice he could muster.
"Hi." Catherine said breathlessly.
"Come on in." Steve motioned her inside.
Catherine stepped past him to walk into the living room when she saw Lynn. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "Oh!" She exclaimed in surprise at seeing another woman in his living room, "Sorry… I didn't, um….." She wrung her hands together nervously. Catherine couldn't finish her sentence as the reality of what happened hit her. Steve had moved on. Sure, he had told her that he couldn't wait for her anymore, but seeing another woman, in his house, in the flesh? It hit her like a ton of bricks.
"Lynn, this is Catherine." Steve said nervously, trying to break the tension. "Catherine, Lynn." He could see both women sizing each other up.
"Hello." Lynn tried to force a smile. Seeing Steve's reaction to Catherine confirmed in her mind that he was not over her, nevertheless, she tried to be gracious.
"It's nice to meet you." Catherine lied. "Um, sorry, to barge in like this, but it couldn't wait."
"Okay." Steve nodded. "What's going on?"
Catherine sighed, "Uh, it's about your mother."
Steve blinked. "My mother?"
"She's in trouble." Catherine admitted.
Steve excused the two of them from Lynn and led Catherine out to the brick patio.
"Okay, look I know I have a lot to explain with my leaving, the CIA, all of it..." Her voice trailed off. She had never been this nervous with Steve before. She had never felt this much tension between the two of them. "And- and that is a conversation that I want to have with you… But we're really pressed for time here, so…"
"Yeah, yeah, alright." Steve nodded as he placed his hands on his hips. He had a million questions racing through his head and not a single one had to do with Doris. "What's going on?" He asked, glancing back inside at Lynn.
"Alright, so, last night, Doris tried to break Wo Fat's father out of a CIA black site."
Steve closed his eyes and opened them slowly as if to wake himself from a dream… or a nightmare. This couldn't be happening.
"The op went sideways." Catherine sighed. "Word is, is that they're holding her until they decide what they're gonna do with her. And I'm trying to get more information - no one's talking… I don't even know what country the site is in."
"Morocco." Steve stated coldly, cutting her off. He had crossed his arms and was staring out at the ocean. What he wouldn't give to run out and dive into the waves right then and there.
"Wh- I'm sorry?" Catherine was blindsided by the information he had just casually dropped.
"It's in Morocco." Steve confirmed with his arms crossed against his chest.
"How would you know that?" Catherine questioned.
"'Cause I've been there." Steve finally looked at Catherine and saw the confusion written all over her face. "Couple of months ago I had a sit down with Yao Fat. And now, I'm realizing that Doris must have orchestrated that meeting so she could follow me out there and learn the location of the site. She used me." Disdain for his mother dripped from every word that he said.
Catherine shifted between her feet as she chewed on her finger while she processed the information that Steve had just shared. "We've gotta do something." She finally stated. "We gotta figure a way to get her outta there."
"No way." Steve said verbatim.
Catherine could feel the chill from the ice pumping through his veins. "Steve…" She coaxed. "I know… she has hurt you. Okay, but whatever she's done, Steve, she is still your mother. Are you really gonna let her spend the rest of her life in a box?"
Steve blew air out of his nose and took a few steps towards the beach. It took everything in him to restrain himself from diving in.
"Okay? Because, that's what she's looking at right now." Catherine continued firmly. She sighed and crossed her arms as she realized that she wasn't getting through to him. Her voice softened, "Steve." She sighed. "I know you. You don't help her now…" She paused. "...You will regret it."
Steve stood in silence, staring out at the crashing waves. Catherine was right. She was always right. Fuck, he thought. Just when his life was getting back on track the two women who hurt him the most have to come back in and rip it all to shreds. He gritted his teeth. "When do we leave?" He grimaced.
"As soon as you can pack a bag." Catherine said softly.
"Why don't you wait inside. I'll be down in ten." He said coldly as he brushed past her and walked inside.
Catherine turned, but hesitated; waiting for a moment on the lanai as she watched Steve explain himself to Lynn before walking upstairs alone. She quietly stepped back in the house and took a seat in the living room. Lynn sat down on the edge of the coffee table and took a sip from her glass. Catherine watched in her peripheral vision. What she wouldn't give for a strong drink to deal with this awkwardness.
"Sorry again for interrupting your evening." Catherine said humbly, trying to ease the tension.
"It's alright..." Lynn's voice was solemn. "I mean, whatever it is sounds serious."
Catherine nodded, realizing that Steve hadn't actually told her any of what was going on across the world. "Well I have to say, you're being very understanding about this. I mean," She cracked a small smile, "Because I know, out of context, this could look a little weird…"
"Yeah." Lynn smiled, acknowledging the weirdness that Catherine had pointed out. "Yeah, my boyfriend's ex, who he was gonna propose to shows up in the middle of our date and now he's upstairs packing to go on a trip with her? Yeah, out of context that is a little weird." Lynn rambled on.
Catherine had stopped listening at the word 'propose'. All of the color washed out of her face. Her throat was dry and her hands were clammy. She felt dizzy - Oh, God. Is this what a panic attack feels like? She thought. Steve was going to propose? The corner of her lip quivered.
"Oh my god." Lynn muttered, "Oh, my god, you didn't know…" She realized once she saw Catherine's face that she had no idea about the ring. "I am so sorry. I didn't mean to…." Her thought was interrupted by the sound of Steve's boots coming down the steps.
"Alright." Steve said hoarsely.
"Um, It was so nice to meet you." Catherine lied as she stood up. "I'm gonna go wait outside." She walked out quickly at Steve's "okay" and immediately crumpled to the ground. "Oh God." She whispered as tears streamed down her face. She covered her mouth with her hand to keep quiet, knowing that he was on the other side of the door. Catherine hurried to the car as the tears kept pouring down her face, determined to clean herself up before Steve came out of the house.
Steve sighed as he stood in front of Lynn, bag in hand, "Ah…" He groaned, "Lynn… I'm sorry…"
Lynn shook her head, "You don't need to explain." She said, looking up into his eyes, "Just promise me you'll be okay."
"I'm gonna be okay." Steve confirmed.
"Okay." Lynn nodded. The words had barely made a sound. She pulled him in for a hug, wishing she could hold onto him a little longer; wishing he wasn't going away with her.
Catherine sat in the car and pressed the phone to her ear as Steve said his goodbyes to Lynn. His girlfriend. Jude's voice came over the line as the call connected, "Princess."
"Rabat. I need you to get us to Morocco."
The tapping of keys echoed over the phone as Jude went to work. "Alright…. Just a sec…. Score. Okay. Get to Hickam. There's a C-130 about to take off for Mali. It'll be empty. Pilot's a friend of mine. Once you get to Mali, I'll have something chartered to get you to Rabat." Jude hesitated, "You don't sound good."
"He was gonna propose to me…" She choked out, "And now he has a girlfriend."
Journal #7
En Route to Honolulu
I'm going to see Steve again. I'm going to have to face him.
I keep telling myself this and it hasn't sunk in yet. I should have called him as soon as Jude woke me up and told me what was going on, but I knew that if I did, I wouldn't have the courage to do what I need to do. (Which is to show up on his doorstep in approximately three hours, knock, and hope he doesn't shoot me dead on the spot.)
I've always put the thought of seeing him again out of my mind. Like, if I didn't think about how much I missed him or how much had happened that he had missed, it just wouldn't matter. But now that I'm going to see him, all I can think of is everything I need to tell him. The blackmail. The miscarriage. He knows about the CIA, but I need him to know I didn't abandon him. I need him to know I'm not Doris, but I also need him to know how much Doris has done for him. Has done for me.
I feel really bad about leaving Jude behind after he told me about Beth. I can't imagine losing someone like that. I mean, he was days away from proposing to her. She was the love of his life and she was ripped away from him. There's no justice to be had in that. There never will be.
Steve scrubbed his face as he stared at the computer screen. He was beginning to understand his father's hatred of computers. Years of working with Naval Intelligence before the SEALs hadn't made him affectionate towards technology.
He flipped the page of the journal to where Catherine had written down all the details of when Jude lost Beth. This Jude guy seemed like a kindred spirit. Steve knew exactly how it felt to lose the love of his life with no logical explanation. The sick twist of it all, was that Catherine came back and Jude was MIA.
Steve turned his attention back to the screen and ran another search. Had he found a breadcrumb? A flicker of hope burned in his core as he dove deeper.
Catherine stomped down the stairs with a screaming Will in one arm and a whining Shelby in the other, "Parenthood is a festering nightmare dotted with moments of truly blissful wonderment." She declared as she crossed the living room and dipped into the office. "This is not one of those moments." She placed Will in Steve's outstretched arms as her gaze momentarily shifted to the computer screen, "Oh my God." It was barely a whisper. Shelby and Will quieted, picking up on the immediate energy shift. Catherine cupped her hand over her mouth, "Steve."
Catherine's reaction confirmed his suspicions. "I found him."
AUTHOR'S NOTE
Before I dive in to my author's note ramblings, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope it is a nice reprieve from the events of today! Leave me your feedback in the reviews!
NOW. If you're reading this and you live in the United States, let's all just take a collective deep breath. With me? Good. Now inhale. Four seconds in. Exhale. Four seconds out. Today is election day. Let's start on a positive note. Three cheers for democracy! Yay! Not every country is as blessed as we are to hold open elections. Not every country allows their citizens the right to protest. The right to free speech. The right to disagree with your governing officials. Even when it seems bleak, we are super freaking blessed, y'all.
Now to the big part. Someone is going to win and someone is going to lose. Whether it's your preferred candidate for president, your governor, senator, congressman, mayor- whoever. After the elections are over, those elected candidates will go do their jobs and we must do ours. Your neighbors will still be your neighbors. Your coworkers will still be your coworkers. We will still live, work, learn, shop, and eat together.
When you spot a cart at the grocery store that someone left in a parking space rather than in the cart return, you and your fellow shopper will probably share a look of disdain for whatever numbskull didn't have the decency to return the freaking cart. (Personal pet peeve of mine.) But here's the thing. You probably won't wonder if the nice lady who grabbed the stray cart and pushed it back into the return was a republican or a democrat. You'll just think that she just did the right thing just because it was the right thing to do.
I don't want to downplay how important the election is. That's not my point. There are some serious issues to be considered when weighing between candidates, but here's the thing. We are the ones who will build back better. We are the ones who make America great. We are the ones who should choose to be decent, loving, caring, and compassionate human beings regardless of the results. Whether you side red or blue, remember that both are represented on the flag: we're all on the same team. Let's act like it.
Go out and vote today. Exercise your constitutional right. But remember, no matter who wins and loses, we, the people, shape our communities.
I love you guys. A freaking ton. (Also, this weekend was INSANE, so I genuinely apologize for not uploading.) Hit me up on Twitter or Instagram ( XOMaggieWrites) if you want to talk H50, FanFiction, or just want to get your mind off the election!
XO,
-Mags-
(Also, if any of you mamas have potty training tips, PLEASE send them my way along with copious amounts of wine and bleach.)
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