Author's note:
Whew, finally made it! My apologies to any of you early birds who read the first two chapters of this update and were wondering where the third one was. I had to go out for a couple of hours before I had a chance to finish posting it, but it's here now.
Ok, so this chapter was supposed to be a fairly straightforward and relatively short affair, so, naturally, it broke my record for the longest chapter I've ever written (third or fourth time I've done that is this fic) and comes in at a whopping 13568 words! However, I'll explain what happened at the end. For the chapter title, I've gone with the title of my favourite Don Henley (of the Eagles) solo song: The heart of the matter and it's is all about starting to work through your anger towards someone so that you can move on. The reason? Read on to find out. Enjoy.
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Chapter Twenty: The heart of the matter
It was just after eleven pm and Kim Possible felt both happy, tired, but also a little sore. After leaving Bueno Nacho, she'd toured the new astrophysics exhibit at the Middleton Science Centre with her dad. Where it transpired that he'd made more than just a small contribution to an exceptionally fun and interactive exhibit. She'd asked him about it and while he'd insisted he'd only had a small part in it, the curator had been more than happy to tell her the truth of the matter. It seemed her father had originally been asked to contribute to a drab, lifeless exhibit that would have made enthusiasts yawn in boredom and caused children to wish they were back in school. Indeed, when he had been asked for his opinion, it had been exactly those words that had convinced the curator to take her dad out to dinner and quiz him on what he would do in order to engage people; especially children. One long conversation about the Little Rocket Boosters later and the curator had scrapped everything, hired someone who knew how to create engaging educational attractions and set about redesigning the exhibit based around her father's principles of keeping everything fun and interactive. The entire visit, which had included coffee with the curator and a trip around the rest of the science centre too, had lasted nearly five hours, after which her father had called home to tell Jim and Tim to order themselves pizza and then insisted he take her out to dinner. She had not hesitated in saying yes and they had enjoyed a lovely meal in a French restaurant; her dad's attempt to help refine her taste buds.
Kim drained the last of a glass of apple sours and lemonade and turned off the TV. She winced slightly as she rose from the sofa and took the glass through to the kitchen to place inside the dishwasher. Ok, so despite some pain in my back and not being able to go out on a mission, today was a good day. And dad finally treating me like an adult felt so refreshing. I'll need to ensure I make time for him moving forward. At least he's one person I won't mind spending time with when I'm home… she let the thought die there, not willing to let her feelings towards 'other' people in her life sour her mood.
Leaving the kitchen, Kim headed across the main living area towards the hall that led to her bedroom, her stride shorter than usual and with a slight limp. Neither of which she was able to ignore, despite how much she wanted to. I'm just a bit stiff and a little sore because I was on my feet almost all day, I'll be fine come morning… she let that thought die too. If she did not feel back to normal come morning, she would have to take tomorrow off too …it's the sensible thing to do. Damn, I hate being sensible! She had just set foot in the short hall when the sound of her doorbell ringing caused her to pause. Who on earth is it at this hour? Turning, she headed down the step and had made it halfway to the door before stopping dead in her tracks. Mom! Dad will have told her about my back and so she'll have come straight over after work to check on me. She immediately felt both a sense of annoyance and appreciation at the implications of her deduction and both directed squarely at the woman whom she knew stood on the other side of the door. Annoyance, due to her current disposition towards her mom and what she considered continual attempts to interfere with her life and appreciation, not gratitude, that despite the current state of affairs between them, her mom had still chosen to come and see if she was ok. For a heartbeat, she thought about turning around and going to bed; leaving her mom out on her doorstep until such a time as she got the message and left. The sound of the doorbell ringing again drove that idea from her mind. If I'm not going to let her in, she at least deserves to hear it from me. She held this notion in her mind as she crossed the main living area to the door. I'm just going to open the door, tell her I'm fine, that I don't want or need her help and that's it.
Keeping the door on its reinforced steel chain, Kim opened it and peered through the three-inch crack at the tall, red-haired woman who stood on her doorstep. "Mom," she said in a stiff, lukewarm tone.
"Kim," her mom replied, sounding relieved that the door had even been opened, "how are you?"
Like you haven't already made up your mind before even seeing me, she thought bitterly, however, simply said, "I'm fine."
There was a moment's hesitation before her mom ventured, "your father told me you'd hurt your back…"
I figured that much, she paused as she looked the woman up and down, "you've not even been home yet, have you?" she asked the question but could tell just from the fact the woman still had her lab-coat on that she hadn't. Yet despite her displeasure towards the woman, she couldn't shake the feeling of appreciation that her mom had come directly to her apartment to ensure she was ok.
"I came straight here after work. Your father messaged me earlier in the day to let me know," her mom answered by way of an explanation.
Of course he did. However, she found it difficult to hold it against her father, given how much fun she'd had with him that day and that her mom would have gotten it out of him within an hour of coming home and come over anyway. Dad never could hide anything from mom.
The woman in front of her then quickly asked, "please, can I come in?"
"Mom, you can't just…" she began to say, unfortunately, her mistake had been in opening the door. With no hunk of wood and steel between them, she found herself victim to one of her own deadliest weapons; the infamous puppy-dog-pout. Just one glimpse of that expression on her mom's face and she felt her resolve begin to crumble and she rolled her eyes, "…urgh, fine. Just stop it with that damn look."
Slipping the chain off, Kim opened the door, but promptly turned her back on it and headed out of sight across the main living area; her way of conveying her displeasure at both the use of that expression and the fact that she was letting the woman in. She heard the sound of her mom step inside and close the front door behind her. It's fine, I can handle her. Besides, this isn't her turf, its mine. She has no Alcatraz2000 with which to trap me and if needs be, I control the apartment's defence systems. That thought made her feel weird; the idea that she might want or need to use her apartment's defence systems against her own mother. Mom obviously decided she needed to use the ones at the Possible residence against me…
"How was your day with your father?" her mom then asked, catching her slightly off guard, for Kim had assumed that any and all questions would have been focused around her back and what she'd done to it this time.
"It was good," she replied curtly and then let out a sigh, I shouldn't let my feelings towards mom sour the memory of my day with dad. "Ok, so we had a lot of fun," she said with a grin, however, still did not turn around to face the woman.
"That's great to hear," her mom said enthusiastically, however, Kim did not fail to notice the undertone of regret.
Does she regret how things are between us now, or is that a more deep-seated regret in relation to the fact that she never had the same level of relationship with me as dad did? Or am I simply having this thought because I was thinking about it earlier today? Kim let out another sigh and finally turned to look at the woman. "Would you like a coffee, Mom?" she asked, her expected level of anger having thus far failed to materialise, thus compelling her to observe social etiquette.
"Please and thank you," her mom answered, her expression betraying the fact that she had probably expected a struggle just to get past the front door.
"Have a seat and I'll go make some," she replied and then turned to head towards the kitchen. It was only after she had taken the first couple of steps that Kim realised the mistake she'd just made. Shit! I forgot I was limping and I'm giving her a perfect view of it. She could almost feel her mother's gaze studying her movement and so she forced her strides to elongate and tried to suppress the limp. The result was that her back began to constantly twinge, but she stifled the resultant winces.
"Would you like some help?" her mom called out, just as Kim set foot inside the kitchen.
"No, I'm fine," she replied and cursed internally. Now she's definitely going to bring up my back issue. She almost burst out laughing at the bitter, dark irony of the situation. I don't want her looking at me because of what happened last time, but it's because of what she did last time and my desire not to end up in that state again, that I'd be more inclined than I was then to let her take a look. She boiled the kettle and made two mugs of coffee, which she brought over to the sofa, slightly surprised that her mom had not been sitting with her gaze still trained on her.
"Thank you, Kim," her mom said upon taking the offered mug; she'd taken her lab-coat off and sat down in the armchair.
Kim did not fail to notice the backpack atop which the woman had sat her white coat, as she herself took up residence on the sofa. Dad must have messaged her before she left for work, as she normally only takes a handbag with her, which wouldn't fit all her medical equipment in it. If she thinks I'm letting her look at my back, she's got another thing coming.
Her mother blew on her coffee and took a small sip before asking, "did you go to the astrophysics exhibit with your father?"
"Yeah," Kim replied, the warmth in her tone coming from the reminder of how much fun she'd had and not because of any goodwill towards her mother. "We played mini-golf in the morning, went to Bueno Nacho for lunch; where he asked me to visit the exhibition with him. We then did the entire science centre, including coffee with the curator, before going out to Chez Rémy for dinner."
"Wow, sounds like the two of you made quite the day of it," her mom said softly.
There it is again, that undertone of regret… it isn't just because the two of us are not currently on good terms; I think she genuinely regrets not having the same level of relationship with me that I have with dad. Kim was unsure how she should feel about that if it turned out to be correct. She looked the woman up and down and sipped her coffee. I guess I've never really given much thought to the fact that I never had a similar relationship with mom. She cast the thought aside, what does it matter, I'm hardly looking to build a wider bridge with her? "It was a lot of fun spending the day with dad," she finally replied.
"I'm happy the two of you still enjoy doing things together," her mom said with a smile, but Kim could sense an air of relief about the woman and her tone. And she suspected that it came from her having prayed for such a result; for her daughter to have enjoyed doing something 'normal'. "You know, your father had been itching to take you to that astrophysics exhibit for weeks now."
She laughed, "I can imagine. While dad tried to hide it, the curator happily told me all about his involvement with it. I think a lot of people are really going to enjoy it; especially kids."
"I've never seen your father more nervous than the night he went out to dinner with the Curator. He was so worried that his ideas of keeping things fun and interactive would make him come across as unscientific."
"According to the curator, he spent half the meal talking about me and the Little Rocket Boosters," Kim said.
It was her mom's turn to laugh, "so I heard." The woman then met her gaze. "Your father is still very proud of that program and of how much you and the other kids enjoyed and learned from it. You know, I think it would mean the world to him if you were to come along to one of them."
"I think I outgrew my sweater back in high school," Kim said with a tentative chuckle.
"Not as one of the kids, Kim," her mom replied and burst out laughing, "to help him out; as an adult. He mentioned it to me a few months ago, but I know he wouldn't have wanted to ask, in case you found the idea too uncool or something like that."
She felt slightly silly at having automatically cast herself in the role of a kid, granted that may have been down to how she had felt the last time she'd gone to the Little Rocket Boosters. While she'd wanted nothing more than to escape both it and the multiple sizes too small sweater she'd been forced to wear, the appearance of Monkey Fist and a trip into space, had helped her dad to both come to terms with the fact that she was now a teenager and become more comfortable with her hero activities. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I went to help dad out sometime, after all, I used to visit the children's ward at the hospital with Ron and Rufus. She cast her mind back to a thought she'd had earlier in the day, finding ways to enjoy things as adults… then met her mom's gaze. "If you let me know the dates of the upcoming ones, I'll see if I can maybe surprise him."
Kim could tell instantly that her response had again been exactly what her mom had been hoping for and could see the woman had visibly relaxed, like her tension level had been directly tied to her impression of her daughter's state of mental wellbeing. "He'd be over the moon if you were to show up to help him out," her mom replied.
And you'll be happy that I'm doing something normal. While she had the thought, she oddly felt no malice behind it. In fact, she felt a strange sort of respect towards her mother, even though she disagreed with what the woman was doing. She martyred herself in order to help me and it seems that she'll continue to do so, even if it means I'll never talk to her again.
There were a few moments of awkward silence, in which they both busied themselves with drinking their coffee, before Kim finally said in her lukewarm tone, "so, how have you been?"
"I've been busy at work," her mom answered. "You wouldn't believe the number of surgeries I've had to do lately. Waiting lists are longer than ever and I just don't have the staff or resources to cope with the need."
On hearing her mother's somewhat laboured words, Kim finally took a proper look at her and she could see the bags under the woman's eyes and her tired features. She must be exhausted, yet still chose to come over to see if I'm ok… The more she stared into her mom's blue eyes, which lacked some of their normal brightness, the more she felt her annoyance towards the woman slip into appreciation. Despite how I feel, dad's right, mom does care deeply about me… "It often feels like the entire world's been overworked ever since the Lorwardian invasion," Kim replied sombrely and then without thinking added, "and whenever I'm not out there, I feel like I'm not playing my part in trying to help it recover," or at least I did before my mind got swamped with a hundred other things.
Her mom let out a deflated sigh, "I know the feeling all too well. I can be dead on my feet when leaving work, but if I pass an overcrowded ER, I can't help but feel like I should go back in and help."
This was the first time Kim had ever heard her mom talk about her work in such a downbeat manner and she did not know how to take it. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that people like mom, who work in hospitals or for the emergency services, are feeling the strain that the Lorwardian's put on the planet after they decimated it. I guess that's at least one thing we have in common. "You're not the only who gets tired and needs a rest sometimes, Mom," she replied in a kind tone that conveyed a sense of kindredship. "I occasionally get tired too. And sometimes it feels like for every villain I send to jail, a new one crops up to take their place and an old one breaks out of jail."
Her mom opened her mouth to say something, however, quickly took a drink of her coffee instead. After she'd swallowed, the woman finally said, "you seem a lot calmer than when I last saw you."
"I am," Kim replied plainly. "I worked through most of my anger issues and feel a lot better for it."
"Including your anger towards Shego?" her mom asked, then quickly took a sip of her coffee.
She didn't mean to say that and I'll bet the question she swallowed with that previous mouthful of coffee had something to do with Shego too. Kim quickly replayed her own words regarding supervillains back in her head. Does she know that Shego has escaped? While GJ have not and will not make it public knowledge, mom could easily have got that information from Wade. While she disliked that idea, there was a good chance her theory was correct, given that her mom had prior to talking with Wade behind her back. "I dealt with my Shego issues," or at least the ones that made me want to kill her, Kim answered nonchalantly, then decided to cut through the bullshit and go straight for the jugular, "you already know that she's escaped from jail, don't you?"
While, to her credit, her mom managed to maintain a calm, straight face, Kim could see in her eyes that the woman was torn over what to say. Caught between telling a lie to try and maintain the cordial conversation they were having, but risk getting caught out, or telling the truth and suffering the consequences. After a moment of awkward silence, her mom chose the latter, "yes."
Finally, Kim felt the expected anger start to break through its restraints and a dark scowl formed on her face. "You spoke to Wade," she said coldly, however, the appreciation for her mother's concern, which had steadily grown since the start of the conversation, prevented the tidal wave of rage from crashing over her… for now at least.
"Yes," her mother replied cautiously and then quickly averted her gaze.
The moment Kim observed the reaction, she knew there was more. "What did you do, Mom?" she asked, her voice sounding like it had been carved from ice. She hasn't…
"Kim, please don't get angry," her mom pleaded in a placating tone. "Ever since you stormed out on me, I've been so worried about you. And I kept reading all these horrible reports about what you'd done to the supervillains you captured in the lead up to you catching Dr Lipsky and Shego…" the woman trailed off and despite the anger Kim now felt beginning to course through her, it had not managed to blind her to the point that she failed to notice the pain written all over her mother's face. "I was so desperate to know that you were ok and you wouldn't return any of my calls…"
"What did you do, Mom?" Kim asked again, slightly more forceful this time. However, she endeavoured to keep a lid on her anger. …at least hear her out, Kim, she whispered to herself.
"…I sat and spoke with your friends and brothers this morning…"
"WHAT!" Kim exploded and suddenly found herself on her feet; fists clenched, "MOM!" Like it was a reprise of two weeks ago, anger flooded her and she felt like she should be dressed in her red mission outfit with her leather jacket and aviators on, rather than in pale blue pyjama vest and trousers. It was perhaps a testament to how poles apart her general mood had been compared with two weeks ago, that she yelled, "this is exactly the sort of shit I got angry at you for doing in the first place!" instead of demanding her mom leave there and then.
"Kim, I was desperate," her mom cried out and Kim thought she could see tears in the corners of the woman's eyes. "I was so worried about you and you wouldn't answer my calls. In fact, I feel like it was a sheer fluke that you happened to be at home today when your father found himself with the day off and decided to pay you a visit."
At the mention of her father, Kim's eyes narrowed as her gaze bored into that of her mother's; the river of anger feeling like it had been temporarily dammed until she received an answer to the following question, "does dad know that you were holding this little intervention today?"
Whether the truth or an attempt to preserve her daughter's relationship with her dad, her mom quickly replied, "no. Your father decided last night, after he accidentally blew the roof of the lab, that he was going to try his luck and see if you were at home today." The woman paused briefly before adding, "he doesn't approve of me talking to your friends behind your back."
"Geeze, I wonder why?" Kim fired back acridly, the anger river flowing once more now that the pathway that led towards her dad had been blocked off. "You had no right to ever talk to my friends behind my back, nor they you. If you'd wanted to know about my life, you should have tried talking to me!" Her nails had begun to dig into her palms, her knuckles had turned bone-white and her body almost shook with rage.
"Dammit, Kimmie, I did!" her mom cried and Kim could see that tears now definitely clung to the corners of her pain-filled blue eyes. "However, over the past eighteen months, after you recovered from your breakup with Ron and moved in here, you've talked to me less and less and nothing I say or do ever gets you to open up to me!"
On hearing the accusation, Kim finally snapped and lashed out viciously with a truth she had always teetered around the edge of acknowledging over the past two years, "that's because whenever I've talked to you, you've tried to talk to the daughter you think you should have, not the daughter you actually have!"
That one simple sentence was enough to cause her mother to dissolve into tears. And for a moment, all Kim could do was stand and stare; mouth agape, at the destruction her words had wrought. …what have I done…? It was a sight she had never witnessed before, her mom, such a strong woman whom she'd always admired, broken down amidst a sea of tears and by her own tongue no less. "Mom… I'm sorry," she began, regret dousing the flames of her anger, "…I didn't mean…" she couldn't finish that sentence, as she knew it would only be a placating lie. As cold realisation set in, Kim slowly shrank back down to the sofa, …I meant what I said…
After a minute of deathly silence, bar the sound of her mom sobbing, the woman eventually regained enough composure to say, "don't apologise, Kim."
"Mom… I…" she began but stopped on realising she had no idea what to say to the woman. What am I supposed to do? I've never seen mom like this before, let alone had to deal with her. Eventually, after a few moments of wracking her brain, she finally said, in a soft, sincere voice, "I didn't mean to hurt you," …at least I don't think I did… she didn't know the answer to that. Had she been that angry that the comment had been designed to cut her mother deeply, not just deliver the truth?
She watched her mom reach into her backpack and pull out a packet of tissues. Withdrawing one, the woman dried her eyes and then blew her nose into it. Finally, she replied, "I think that's the first completely truthful thing you've said to me about how you feel in months."
Kim opened her mouth to once more try and recant what she had said, "Mom… I…" but again found that she could not do it. Solemnly, she nodded her head in admission, "yeah, I think it is… I'm sorry, Mom."
"Don't apologise for how you feel, Kim," her mom said, her voice unsteady and her eyes looking as though they might burst into tears again at any moment, "…especially when you're right."
Mouth falling agape once more, she could only watch as her mother's head fell into her hands and she began to cry once more. Acting on instinct, rather than how she currently felt, not that she could say what that amounted to at present, Kim slid along the sofa, reached out across the divide between it and the armchair and pulled the woman into a hug. She felt her mom's head bury itself into her shoulder and arms wrap themselves around her torso. "Why don't you come sit beside me on the sofa, Mom?" she eventually said with a hint of reluctance, feeling more than a little weird to be the one out of the two of them doing the comforting.
Wordlessly she felt her mother's head nod and so she shifted over while guiding the woman out of the armchair and onto the sofa beside her. "I'm sorry, Kimmie," her mom finally said, although gave no indication what exactly she was apologising for.
Kim quickly located the packet of tissues and withdrew one. "Here," she said and handed one over.
The woman gratefully took the tissue and started to dab her eyes again. "Thank you."
Meeting her mom's tearstained blue eyes with her own olive-greens, Kim felt a sense of somewhat unwanted rationality settle over her. Part of her wanted to still be angry at the woman, to vent all the relevant frustrations at her. But seeing her mom like this; the full extent of the pain she felt in regards to their relationship laid bare, stayed her tongue and allowed the rational part of her to take over. "I think we need to talk…" she said somewhat warily, feeling a sense of trepidation towards the potential can of worms that a conversation could open, "…and I think we need to be open and honest with one another."
Her mother finished drying her eyes and nodded in agreement, "I think so too." The woman then glanced at her watch. "It's getting late. If you'd rather wait, we can do this tomorrow."
"No," Kim said firmly, sensing that both she and her mother were liable to close themselves off with regards to the matter if they waited, "I think we need to do this now." She then glanced at the mugs on the coffee table, "and I think we both need something stronger than a cup of coffee. I've got a bottle of wine in the kitchen somewhere."
Her mom sighed, "while as a doctor I shouldn't advocate using alcohol to help steady oneself, I need a drink."
Rising from the sofa, Kim wandered through to the kitchen and began rooting around in her cupboards. Ok, deep breath, Kim, she sucked in a large mouthful of air and then let it out slowly, ok, what the fuck just happened? One minute I'm angry with mom for holding a weird-ass intervention without me being there, the next I'm yelling at her that she's refused to acknowledge the daughter she has for the past two years. Even I wasn't fully aware that I felt that way. Then, if that wasn't screwed up enough, she admits that I'm right, starts crying and I wind up comforting her. What the hell is going on and what am I supposed to do? She found the bottle of wine; an Argentinian Malbec that she couldn't remember how she'd acquired, but no answers in the cupboard. This felt like entirely uncharted territory for them and she had no idea whether the conversation they were about to have would end amicably or in a screaming match. She found a pair of wine glasses and mind still at sea, made her way back to the sofa.
Kim set the glasses down on a pair of coasters, unscrewed the cap; had it been a cork she probably would have had to fetch her laser lipstick to take the top of the bottle, as she did not own a corkscrew and poured. There was etiquette when it came to serving wine, she'd learned that at dinner with her father earlier that evening, however, she neither knew it nor cared. And it seemed her mom was in no state to do so either, as she watched the woman pick up her glass and drink half the contents in a single mouthful.
She sat down and then asked awkwardly, "so, where do we start?" Taking a sip from her own glass, she screwed up her nose. Ok, red wine is even more an acquired taste than the white I had at dinner and I definitely haven't acquired it yet.
"With me recently feeling like the worst mother in the world when it comes to my daughter," her mom replied in a voice that sounded like the echo of a ghostly whisper.
On hearing those words and sensing that her mom might break down into another flood of tears, Kim reached out and took hold of the woman's hand. "What are you talking about? You were a great mom."
Her mother drank the other half of her glass and then, with a shaky hand, picked up the bottle to refill it. She then took a breath, presumably to collect herself, before asking rhetorically, "was I, Kim?"
While she could have answered in the pause that followed, Kim chose to give her mom the space to explain.
"I made so many mistakes in regards to you when you were young and every time I tried to fix one, it feels like I just made another."
"What are you talking about, Mom?" Kim asked in disbelief. Where is this coming from? Bar when they first found out about me stopping supervillains, both mom and dad were great when I was growing up. I only started having problems with them when I decided not to go to college.
Wine glass clutched in a shaky grip, her mom apparently literally needing to have it on-hand, the woman let out a low sigh and began her explanation before the beginning, or at least before Kim's beginning. "The first mistake I made in respect to you happened before you were even born. You have to understand, Kim, surgery is an exceptionally competitive field and at the time, still somewhat misogynistic. Pregnancy was considered tantamount to killing your own career, yet I was determined to have a successful career as a neurosurgeon and a family. In the lead up to your birth, I was already planning when I could return to work."
"Why is that a bad thing?" Kim asked, genuinely not seeing an issue. "You were committed to your work, that's all. I know I'd be desperate to get back to work if I'd just had a child," God, just having to stop working because I was pregnant would drive me nuts. Good thing I don't have to worry about that happening… baring some mad-science accident, she shuddered at that thought.
"Because I chose my career over spending more time with my daughter. The whole thing only made worse by the fact that your father wasn't always able to look after you when I went to work." Her mom took a sip of her wine before continuing, "you probably won't remember this, but it wasn't until you were in kindergarden that your father and I were able to ensure that one of us was always there to pick you up from school and look after you at the weekends."
Kim gave her mom a quizzical look and strained her memory to try and remember, as she asked, "who looked after me then?"
"Your nana Possible. You were regularly with her five days out of seven before you started pre-K, after which she was typically the one who picked you up," her mom answered. "Although not without some disagreement between your father and I and herself."
If she concentrated hard, Kim thought she could recall helping her nana paint the fence in her back yard. "I think I have a vague memory of being with Nana," she said slowly, her eyes almost closing as she strained to remember more, the fence was white… and it was important I did long, vertical strokes… "What did you disagree with her about?" she then asked, letting the memory go and opening her eyes.
Her mom let out a deflated sigh, "by the time you could walk, your nana was determined to start teaching you martial arts as soon as possible. She felt it was important for a young lady to know how to properly defend herself. But your father and I were insistent that she didn't. After all, you were not even a year old when you took your first steps and as you know, learning martial arts can be quite dangerous."
"Nana wanted to teach me martial arts?" she whispered incredulously, paused and then exclaimed, "wait a sec! Is that how I knew how to fight without ever having been taught?"
"While your father and I expressly forbid her from teaching you and made your nana swear that she would not, I suspect so," her mom answered, a hint of bitterness lacing her tone. "While your nana is an upstanding woman and I have no doubt that she kept her word, she is also stubborn to the point that it would not surprise me if she found a way to get around that promise; without breaking it."
Kim closed her eyes and called the memory to mind once more; it came much more easily this time. Absentmindedly, she raised her right arm in time with her younger self; a short stroke, almost felt her nana's soft touch on her wrist as the woman moved her arm up and down inside her mind; her actual hand mimicking the now elongated motion. The scene shifted and all of a sudden, she found herself confronted with a stocky teenager; the first trouble she'd ever encountered while helping someone. Suddenly, without warning, the boy threw a punch at her and without thinking, her wrist came up in the same motion as when she had painted the fence and blocked it. Kim's eyes snapped open; her real wrist having again copied the one from her memory. "Oh my god! Nana didn't directly teach me martial arts, instead, she taught me muscle memory, so that if I ever got into trouble, I'd instinctively know how to defend myself!" This revelation about her abilities, for it was nothing short of that, finally solved a puzzle that she had struggled to understand since that first job that had landed her and Ron in hot water.
A mixture of infuriation and long-suffering resignation, with a sprinkling of amusement, covered her mother's face. "That sly old battle-axe!" the woman said and shook her head; a small chuckle escaping from her mouth. "I knew from the day your father and I first saw that footage of you on the news, that your nana had found a way around her promise. Of course, neither your father nor I could prove it and we had far greater concerns that day." While the event in question had happened over five years ago, Kim still received a raised eyebrow at the mention of it. The woman took a sip of her wine and then added, "however, what your nana may or may not have done is of little consequence now. My point is, I chose to let her look after you instead of being there myself and then after her, it was your father that picked you up from school or who looked after you at the weekends five or six days out of seven."
When her mother finished taking, Kim took a moment to think about what she'd just said. This part she could remember, to the point that she'd even thought about it earlier that day while with her father. "I remember spending more time with dad than with you when I was growing up. But surely that wasn't your fault."
Her mom's features formed into a grim expression. "It was my choice. I both wanted to further my career and ensure that I could give my family everything they could possibly want… except…"
When her mom choked up over her last words, Kim finished for her, "…except yourself. You ensured we had everything we could want, but at the cost of you not being around much." She met the woman's pain-stricken gaze with one of kindness. "You always made sure you were there for the important things and it didn't last forever."
Another sip of wine preceded her mom's response, "I think I first became aware of my mistake when I stopped work in the lead up to your brothers' births. You see, I was able to pick you up from pre-K and spend time with you then, only you either wanted to go next door to play with Ron or were content to play by yourself. Even at that age you were already showing a great deal of independence and I didn't want to rob you of that; plus I was heavily pregnant." Her mom shook her head, "or maybe that was just the excuses I came up with because I didn't want to face up to the truth that I knew so little about you and what you liked to do. I suppose I must have known deep down, as I was determined to be there for my second child. Only that didn't quite work out…"
"Because you had twins," Kim finished for her. "Twins naturally form closer bonds with each other than they do with anyone else and are rarely alone." She caught her mom's gaze again and said firmly, "it wasn't your fault you never got closer to Jim and Tim than you did; that's just what happens with twins."
Her mom nodded, although Kim could tell it was with some reluctance. "I know. Your brothers have always had each other and because of their high intellect, are probably closer to one another than your average twins." The pain in the woman's eyes lessened slightly as she continued, "there isn't much I regret when it comes to your brothers. While they are a pair of cheeky monkeys most of the time and have probably broken more ornaments and windows than everyone else in Middleton High combined, they still learned the important moral lessons your father and I taught you and I know their intellect will become a positive force in the world." As soon as she finished, her mom had to dab her eyes with the corner of a tissue and Kim could see that the anguish had ratcheted up again. "It's you I failed as a mother, Kim."
"Mom…" Kim uttered, feeling somewhat stunned by the woman's claim, "…you didn't fail me as a mother."
Her mom drained the last of her second glass of wine and set the empty vessel down atop the coaster. A single glance at her was enough to tell Kim that she was still stone-cold sober, so she picked up the bottle and refilled the woman's glass.
"I did, Kimmie," her mom then asserted. "I missed so much of your early years that by the time I had the chance to properly spend time with you, I never did. Surely you remember how awkward that mother's day was for us? In the beginning, we were both desperate to avoid spending time with one another that I leapt at the chance to go into surgery and you a mission. And in the end, it was you, not me, who made the initial effort for us to spend the day together."
Kim nodded in agreement, "I remember. Dad insisted that we spend the day together when neither of us could tell him when we had ever spent time together just you and me."
"And that's something I deeply regret, Kimmie," her mom said and lowered her gaze to stare at the contents of her wine glass. "However, that's not the biggest mistake I made when it came to you."
"Even though we never had that close a relationship, you were still a great mom," Kim insisted.
"Was I, Kimmie?" her mom said, reiterating the same rhetorical question from earlier.
"Yes…" she tried to assert, but then remembered her own stipulation that they needed to be honest with each other, "…at least up until the point I decided to forgo college and become a pro-hero."
Her mother let out a deep sigh. "Try and put your personal feelings aside for a moment and look at things objectively from the point of view of a mother." The woman paused to sip her wine and then finished in a sombre voice, "you had not long turned fifteen and I knowingly let you jet off around the world to foil the plans of evil supervillains."
Kim's immediate reaction would have been to claim that it had been no big deal, that she had been more than capable of keeping herself safe on her missions, however, she managed to stop herself voicing those words and instead tried to do as her mom had asked. And it did not take her long to conclude, "when you put it like that, it does sound a bit irresponsible. But doing those things is just part of who I am."
"But it shouldn't be, Kim," her mother said resolutely. "Your personal feelings aside, it was downright madness of me to let you do all those things when you were barely fifteen. Surely even you can see that."
Forcing herself to suppress her personal feelings, an exceptionally difficult thing to do, given that they were talking about such a major part of her life, Kim let out a low sigh. "Yeah, you're right. It would be sheer insanity for any parent to allow their child to do the things you let me do."
"Yet I let you do it anyway," her mom said and let out a hollow laugh, "I even convinced your father that you would be safe on your missions."
Kim gave the woman a quizzical look, "dad was against me doing my hero work?"
"Very much so. Despite the incredible proficiency you displayed that day of the parade, he still thought what you had been doing was far too dangerous for a then fourteen-year-old and wanted us to uphold the ban we'd imposed upon you."
"But I always thought…" Kim began to say.
Her mom finished for her, "…that it was the other way around. No, I was the one who convinced him to allow you to go back to helping people. However, I think your father hoped that the stringent conditions we placed upon you would have been enough to force you to stop, but…"
"…but he forgot the family motto; anything is possible for a Possible," Kim said with a light chuckle. "I always made it back in time for curfew, always had my homework done on time and maintained straight-A's across the board. I even still had time to be cheer captain." She then met her mother's gaze. "So, if you think it was madness, why did you ever agree to lift the ban in the first place?"
Her mom lowered her gaze and took a sip of her wine before answering, "because when your father and I imposed that ban on you helping people, you went from being my happy and open daughter to miserable and closed off, with a large dollop of anger and resentment thrown in for good measure."
Kim could recall the time well. Her parents had found out about one of the early supervillains she'd stopped via a short clip on the news that she had been unaware of having been shot. While the news channel did not know her identity, the glimpse of her it had shown had been more than enough for her parents to identify her. She'd arrived home to find them furious, a rare occurrence, been forced to sit and watch the clip and then explain herself, which had involved her telling them all the details of her early missions that had involved crime-fighting activities. Despite her protests that it was 'no big', she had been read the riot act in regards to how irresponsible she'd been, grounded for a month and banned from using her website for anything other than its original purpose of finding her babysitting jobs. Considering the entire thing completely unfair, she'd gone into a foul mood and refused to talk to either of her parents. Heh, I guess you could say that was the first time hurricane Kimberly ravaged the Possible residence. I didn't come out of that strop until after the incident at the parade; when mom and dad decided to let me continue my hero work.
After a drink of her wine, her mother then continued from where she had left off, "I'd never been very good at making you happy, Kimmie. That was always where your father excelled. And despite how dangerous it might have been and bearing in mind that you had not long lost Lisa, I could see at that point in time in your life, allowing you to go back to doing your missions was the only thing that would bring my happy daughter back. So, I threw out all common sense and convinced your father to allow you to continue with them. All because I wanted you to be happy…" her mom took a large gulp from her wine glass. "…I never even stopped to consider where that path might lead you."
Kim sat and listened to the explanation, a shiver running up her spine when her mom said Lisa's name, which caused her to take another drink of her own wine to try and mask the discomfort she felt at the mention of her former best girl. However, a scowl had formed on her face by the time the woman had finished. "You mean that I might choose to become a fulltime hero, rather than go to college," she said darkly.
Her mom nodded solemnly, "yes. However, please believe me when I say that your decision not to go to college was only my main concern for the first six months." The woman then met her gaze with those pain-stricken blue eyes that also displayed a deep-seated fear. "That night when you called me out of the blue and told me you needed my help changed everything, Kim. After I treated those horrific burnt claw wounds on your back and saw some of the other scars you had, I became terrified about what you were now facing on your missions…" her mom paused and looked to have choked back a sob. "Kim, I became so worried about your physical and mental wellbeing that all I could think about was trying to keep you safe… I suppose I refused to accept that you had changed in the hopes that reminding you of all the non-mission things you used to enjoy might convince you to change your life path."
While her mom's confession was damming and rightly made Kim feel more than a little pissed off, she also felt a sense of compassion for the woman's plight. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for her to see me that night Shego clawed my back, or on any of the occasions when she's seen me with an injury since. Not to mention how reckless I was that weekend when Shego beat me in that parking lot… she put that thought to one side as another came to her. "I suppose I didn't make it easy for you, or anyone else for that matter, in that I didn't realise just how much I'd changed until that night with Monique and Ron in that nightclub," until after I'd spent an evening with Shego. "Everyone kept treating me like I was the same person I'd been in high school and I didn't understand why I kept distancing myself from them until that night."
"What finally caused you to realise?" her mom asked.
"I was sitting alone in the nightclub, all dolled up in an outfit and makeup that Monique had picked out for me and I felt awkward, self-conscious and just wanted to leave. Mo then dragged me up to dance, but it was something she said that stuck with me."
"What was it?"
"She used the term 'old Kim Possible' in reference to how I apparently used to have mojo and rhythm but had lost it," Kim replied. "I ended up in the bathroom and when I saw myself in the mirror, everything slotted into place inside my head. I felt like I was looking at myself from two years ago and that I was so far removed from that person. And every time I'd tried to be the old Kim Possible; the person everyone still expected me to be, I felt more awkward and more self-conscious." She let out a light laugh as she finished, "I guess the clincher was that I'd been out the previous week with someone else and not felt like that in the slightest."
Her mom met her gaze and then in a serious tone, said four simple words that made Kim feel like she'd just been hit by a bullet train, "was that someone Shego?"
Utterly stunned, Kim's mouth fell open and the words, "how did you…" tumbled out before she could even take stock of the situation. However, she doubted it would have mattered, as the look in her mom's eyes told her that the woman did not need a reply to know the answer.
"Kim, how could you have been so…" her mom exclaimed but stopped herself before uttering a word that had probably been either careless, irresponsible or crazy. The woman brought a hand up to her forehead, shook her head and sighed. "Why don't you tell me what happened?"
Realising there was no point in trying to deny it; her mom had somehow known the answer before asking the question and deciding that not explaining it would likely only create another barrier between them, Kim launched into the story. "We met purely by accident the Friday night before I went out with Monique. I was in a place called Spritzers; sitting at the bar and having a drink, when Shego walks in with the same intention."
"Shego just walked into a bar to have a drink?" her mom asked incredulously.
"Yeah, it turns out that supervillains have normal lives too and that even someone like Shego, with her green skin, can typically go out in public without anyone bothering her."
"Because no one expects to see supervillains doing normal things, their brains don't allow them to see them for who they really are when they encounter them doing just that," her mom said with a light chuckle and Kim was glad she wouldn't have to try and explain the whole perception thing.
"Pretty much. Anyway, she came up to me at the bar and once I realised she wasn't there to cause trouble, she bought me a vodka martini and practically dared me to drink it."
"And you couldn't resist the challenge," her mom said with a slight shake of her head, her lips forming into a longsuffering smile.
Kim let out a forced laugh and cringed slightly, "you know me, always up for a challenge. Anyway, we drank the martinis, traded sassy comments, then decided to sit and talk while we had a couple of drinks and something to eat." She couldn't help but smile at the memory of that first night with Shego in Spritzers and what had happened when they'd left the bar. "Afterwards, we went to the Middleton High playing fields to trade a couple of punches."
Her mother raised one eyebrow at that comment and said cynically, "a couple of punches, Kimmie?"
She couldn't help but laugh, "ok, so we had a good, long fight; the first we'd had in ages, which saw us reach full pelt by the end. We had to call it a draw as we were both beat."
"I suppose that explains some of the other bumps and bruises I found on you when I examined you the following weekend," her mom concluded and then shook her head in a manner that appeared to be dismayed resignation. "I take it this all happened because of how you were struggling to connect with everyone else in your life and still missed the friend you had in Miss Go?"
She nodded and replied with a hint of longing, "yeah. I'd been sitting moping and feeling sorry for myself for about an hour and then Shego showed up and I instantly snapped out of it. Before I knew it, I was actually enjoying myself and since she seemed happy for us to drink and talk, I didn't see the harm in it… I guess I just wanted one more evening with Miss Go." She forced herself to take a drink of her wine and when her mom did not say anything, quickly said, "you didn't just come up with this idea tonight, did you? You sound like you've thought about it for a while, hence why you looked so certain you were right before I even answered. But I don't understand why you would even have considered me having spent an evening with Shego in the first place."
"I promise I'll explain how I came to that conclusion once you finish telling me about what happened between you and Shego," her mom replied.
"I just did; we drank, we talked, we went to the Middleton High playing fields and knocked lumps out of one another for half an hour or so," Kim answered, without any intention to lie.
"Kimmie," her mom said and looked pointedly at her, "I thought you said we should be honest with each other? Asking you meeting Shego on that occasion was a shot in the dark and finding out that you spent time with her that night has already convinced me that you met up with her again two weeks later."
"Oh," Kim exclaimed and let out a light laugh, "I thought you were only referring to that night," ok, how the hell does she know that I met up with Shego a second time and when it happened?
Her mother must have read the look of sheer astonishment on her face, for she quickly said, "I already promised I'd explain how I figured it all out after you finish telling me the whole story."
Kim pouted slightly, but nevertheless continued, "Shego deliberately blew up a radio tower at that communications centre, so as to bring me down on top of Drakken an hour before I would have gotten there otherwise, all because we had both enjoyed the fight we'd had two weeks prior and she wanted to do it again."
"So, that's why the two of you looked like you were simply toying with one another for the first five to ten minutes of that fight."
"How the hell…" she began to say, but quickly stopped herself on recalling that Drakken had been broadcasting to the entire world from the onset of their duel, "…I forgot, you watched HeroTV's coverage of that fight to find out what injuries I might have sustained. Anyway, we fought for ages and it was just so much fun that I couldn't help but think back to the fun we'd had two weeks prior…" she cringed slightly as she finished, "…I sort of asked her if she wanted to go for a drink afterwards and then kicked her over that railing before she had a chance to answer. Then Drakken got involved and, well, you know the rest."
"She somehow managed to tell you that she'd go," her mom stated plainly, her expression conveying that she didn't need any answer to know what she assumed was the truth of the matter.
However, given that the truth her mom already believed to be gospel was incorrect, Kim chose to straighten it out for her, "no. We both decided off our own backs to take a chance and go to Spritzers in the hope that the other would show up. After Shego arrived, we did the same as two weeks prior; we ate, drank and talked."
"However, it didn't end amicably this time, did it?" her mom prompted.
Kim lowered her gaze and stared at the dark red liquid in her glass. "No, it didn't," she uttered, still feeling a hint of bitterness about how that evening had ended, even though she would hopefully have the opportunity to try and correct it in the not-too-distant future.
She then felt her mom reach out and take her free hand. Raising her gaze to look into those kind blue eyes, she listened to the woman say, "you asked her if the two of you could be friends and she wasn't very nice when she told you no."
No longer feeling surprised that her mom inexplicably already seemed to know everything that had happened between her and Shego, Kim simply nodded.
Her mom followed suit, squeezed her hand and said, "that's why you were so angry with her the following day and what led to you chasing after her during the incident at the jazz bar."
Kim sighed, "yeah. That fight with Monique, followed by you putting me under house arrest only ratcheted up how angry I felt, to the point that it consumed me and I left a trail of destruction in my wake as I sought Shego out to get revenge." She purposefully left out the part pertaining to her denial about being a lesbian. This whole talk is difficult enough as it is without adding the fact I'm gay to the mix. That conversation will have to wait until later… much later. Not to mention that I can't give her any reason to suspect I had a hand in Shego's escape, even if it means I have to lie to her.
"Was fighting her and sending her to jail enough to start de-escalating your anger?"
She nodded again, "yeah. We fought, we argued, I vented all my frustrations at her and I beat her down and put her on a plate for Global Justice to cart off to jail. By the time I got home, my anger had started to subside and I decided to take some time off to deal with my issues." Kim gave her mom a broad smile, "I'm all better now. And you'll be happy to know that I did the sensible thing today and walked home from my morning jog the moment I felt my back hurt and decided against going out on a mission before dad showed up."
A relieved expression had formed on her mom's face by the time Kim had finished talking. "It's good to hear you say that, Kimmie. And I'm so glad you are feeling better. You have no idea how much of a weight off my mind it is just to know that and even more so to be hearing it from you directly."
I can't deny that she really does care about me and that it's been a case of her doing the wrong things for the right reasons. But can I forgive her…? She elected not to attempt to answer that question yet, for they were not done. "It's your turn, Mom. How did you figure out that I'd spent time with Shego that didn't involve me foiling a plot to take over the world?"
Her mom took a sip of her wine and Kim could just see a faint smile begin to form on the woman's lips. "While I probably should have noticed something was amiss between how your fight with Shego at the communications centre ended and your disposition towards her the following day, I was far too concerned about your injuries to pay attention to it. However, you gave me the biggest piece of evidence the following night."
"What?" Kim said in confusion, trying to wrack her brain for anything she might have said over that weekend that could have hinted at what had happened between herself and Shego.
"There's no point searching your brain for it, Kimmie, as you were not even aware of doing it at the time," her mom replied, clearly having read Kim's current thought process from her facial expression. "It happened while you were feverish and I was trying to cool you down. You uttered the words, 'but I really do want us to be friends,' quickly followed by Shego's name."
Kim's mouth fell open in horror but knew she could not blame either herself or her mother for what had been pure happenstance.
"While I ignored it at the time, as I was struggling to get you cooled down and worried that I might have to take you to the hospital, after you'd injured all those villains while apprehending them on your path to Shego, I found myself sitting with the newspapers and trying to figure out what had driven you to become so angry." Her mom then finished the last of her wine, set the glass down on the coaster and slid it beyond her reach, a clear indication that she felt she'd had enough. And given that enough had been just over half the bottle in such a short space of time, Kim agreed. "That's when I started thinking about that comment you had made in your delirium. I thought back to the weekend you came over and found that something was nagging at me about why you were angry. I then re-watched your fight with Shego and found I could not marry up how your disposition had been by the end of that fight with how angry you had become the following day. Eventually, the only logical conclusion I could draw was that the two of you had encountered one another after the fight and that's where those words you had spoken had come from."
All Kim could do was shake her head and applaud what had been some fine deduction on her mother's part. "You know, you would have made a great detective if you hadn't gone into brain surgery."
Her mom averted her gaze and then said in a deflated voice, "since you were honest with me, I need to be honest with you. Before today, the idea that you had socialised with Shego was only a wild theory and I'd hoped to debunk it. Instead, all I did was convince myself that I was right… I asked your friends and brothers for their opinion on it… I'm so sorry for going behind your back, Kim."
On hearing the admission, Kim knew she should be furious, that she should be on her feet; fists clenched and yelling at her mom for invading her privacy and to get the hell out of her apartment, except she found herself remaining in her seat; mouth closed. This is the most open and honest mom and I have been with one another for over two years. Yes, she's done things that I despise, but at the same time, I've done things that have hurt her too, that much is clear. She then heard her father's voice from earlier in the day say inside her head, "look at every situation objectively and then chose what you think is the right course of action, even if it's not the easiest or most popular one." The easy choice was obvious and oh so tempting; allow her anger to take over, throw her mother out and sever ties with her completely. She'd then have one less problem to deal with. When do I ever do things the easy way? Not to mention how horrible that situation would be for dad and we've only just properly started to connect as adults… what the hell do I do?
"Kimmie," her mom said softly and with a light touch on her hand.
Kim met the woman's gaze and could see once more the pain laced with fear… feat that her daughter was about to refuse to talk to her ever again.
"Kimmie… I completely understand if you are angry with me and never want to talk to me again…" tears filled her mom's eyes again, but the woman did not look turn away, "…just know that I love you more than anything."
When her mom began to turn away in what she suspected would quickly become her leaving the apartment, Kim found herself with a split-second decision to make. Acting on instinct over emotion, she reached out and caught the woman by the shoulder. "Mom, wait, don't go."
Her mother froze and Kim reached out with her other hand and turned her head around so that blue eyes met olive-greens. "Look, I'm not going to say that I'm not still angry with you in regards to what you did to me when you put me under house arrest or the fact you've been talking to my friends about me behind my back."
"Kim… I…" her mom began, but she quickly cut her off.
"Mom, just listen for a moment," Kim said firmly, as though she were the parent in this situation. "Yes, I'm still angry with you, but I also know that I hurt you too and caused you a lot of worry," she let out a low breath that turned into a sigh. "It would be easy for me to yell at you, throw you out and then refuse to speak to you again," she then took her mom's hand and squeezed it, "but it wouldn't be the right thing to do." Kim paused for a moment to allow her words to settle in, waited for the fear in her mother's eyes to start receding and then finished, "we're both to blame for the fact we never had a closer relationship when I was growing up and the gap between us has only widened since I chose to become a pro-hero. And if we don't choose to do something about it now, our relationship might as well be dead."
Her mother nodded and before Kim knew what was happening, found herself pulled into a hug. "Thank you, Kimmie," the woman whispered softly in her ear. "I love you."
"I love you too, Mom."
Mother and daughter remained within each other's embrace for a full minute before mutually parting. Kim found her mom another tissue and only then realised that tears stained her own cheeks, so took one for herself too. After they had dried their eyes, she took up control of the conversation once more. "I'm not sure I'm ready to forgive you yet, but there are a few things I need to say first if we're going to have any chance at salvaging a relationship."
"I understand, Kim," her mom said, then added, "I think there are a couple of things I need to say too."
Kim took a deep breath, ok, here goes nothing. "First and most importantly, while you think the decisions you made in regards to me make you a bad mother, that's not for you to decide. You and dad played a major role in me becoming the person I am and I like who I am and the life I have. So, it's not for you to judge whether or not you were a good mom, that's for me to decide. And I think you were a great mom up until I turned eighteen."
"But not after that," her mom said and lowered her gaze slightly. "I think I can accept that."
"Good, because if we are going to have an adult relationship, I need you to accept who I am as an adult and stop trying to see me as the daughter you think I should be, had you not made the decisions you did when I was growing up." She looked her mom straight in the eyes. "This is me, Mom," she indicated herself with a wave of her hand, "I'm Kim Possible; pro-hero."
Her mother gave her a smile; one she had not seen since her graduation day. "Yes, you are and I'm so proud of everything you have done for people; for the world and will no doubt continue to do. But I'm proudest that you know who you are; who you want to be and are happy with the decisions you have made, even the ones I've struggled with accepting."
Kim could not help but feel a sense of gratitude and pride upon finally hearing those words of acceptance. That after two years, her mom was starting to understand who she was as an adult. "Thanks, Mom. It means a lot to hear you say that. However, I also need you to accept that I'm an adult and to respect the decisions I make. And if you have an issue or concern, you talk to me directly, not go behind my back to my friends," she paused for a moment upon realising she would have to make a slight concession. "I promise I'll listen to you if you promise to respect whatever decision I decide upon."
"That sounds fair, Kimmie," her mom agreed. The woman's gaze then turned serious. "However, I would like you to agree to do two things for me."
"Ok," Kim said in a slightly wary tone, already suspecting she knew what her mom was about to ask.
"I understand and accept if you're not ready to forgive me yet and so I'm not going to ask you to come over for dinner every week or to sit and talk to me over a coffee for an hour every week. However, I would worry a lot less about you if you could at least get in touch with me once a week to let me know that everything is alright. A quick two-minute phone call or even just a simple text; whatever you're comfortable with, is all I'm asking."
"Ok," Kim agreed. "I'll let you know how I am each week and I'll even unblock you from the Kimmunicator, so you can send me a message to remind me in case I forget, given that I've got prior when it comes to disappearing for a week." They both laughed and for a moment, the mood between them felt a little lighter. Only for Kim to turn it serious again when she sighed and said, "your second request is about my health, isn't it?"
Her mother nodded, "yes," then her eyes turned fearful again. "Kim, I can't convey how scared I was for your wellbeing that night I treated those horrific burnt claw wounds on your back or when I had to pick you up after that fight with Shego, give you oxygen and then morphine in the middle of the night while I struggled to bring your temperature down…" the woman's tone became pleading as she finished, "I can't see you like that again, Kimmie… I just can't…"
While she had already accepted that she'd caused her mother to worry over her physical wellbeing, it was only upon hearing the desperation in her voice that the full weight of the woman's fear that something 'untoward' might happen to her on one of her missions was imparted onto her. I promised mom this before, but I genuinely thought she was just being overprotective and so didn't even think twice about breaking it. However, after how ill I got last time, I'm starting to see her point of view. Hell, I even decided not to go on a mission today because I didn't want to risk a repeat of what happened a couple of weeks ago. Maybe if she sticks to her promises, it won't be so bad to have her check me over when I get hurt. Kim met the woman's gaze, "ok, Mom. This time I promise that I'll call you if I get hurt and let you come over to treat my injuries. And I promise that I won't break it so long as you agree to uphold your promises to treat me like an adult and respect my decisions; even if you disagree with me."
"I promise, Kimmie," her mom said sincerely; with a hint of relief in her tone. "And if you continue to show the responsibility you've demonstrated today, I trust you to keep your word and that'll make the world of difference to how much I worry about you."
"I might still feel angry about you putting that damn Alcatraz2000 on me, but once it subsided enough for me to look at things rationally, I realised how badly I messed up when it came to handling my injuries," Kim said, feeling far less aggrieved about making the admission than she would have earlier that night. I genuinely feel like there's a chance for us to have a proper relationship now. Heh, it's funny how things can change if both parties can talk openly and honestly without flying off the handle. I guess my conversation with Ron should have already taught me that.
Kim watched her mom glance at her watch, before she said, "it's well past midnight, Kimmie. I should probably go home."
"Mom…" she hesitated a moment and perhaps because her mother had made the choice not to broach the subject of her back, she decided to do so herself, "…before you go… would you take a look at my back for me, just to make sure it's nothing too serious."
Her mother's expression suggested that all the pain and tears had been worth it for this one moment, which perhaps signified the start of the re-building of the bridge that had been destroyed by hurricane Kimberly. "Of course, Kimmie. Just stand up, turn around and pull up your vest."
Kim did as instructed; also lowering her trousers enough so that all of her lower back was on display. She heard her mom cross the short distance between them and then felt unusually cold fingers begin to prod at the offending area; causing her to wince.
"Well, there's definitely a lot of bruising, but unless you're hiding a lot of pain, it's nothing too serious," her mom said. "I've got some painkillers I can give you and I'd advise taking tomorrow off too. At the rate you heal, if it's not sore on Saturday morning after you've exercised, you should be fine to go back to work, just remember to be careful. Did you injure anything else?"
"My ankles got a little burned because of some electrified wire, but they don't hurt," Kim replied truthfully, finding it both refreshing and strange to be openly telling her mom about her injuries.
"Can I take a look?" her mom said, asking instead of insisting.
Kim straightened up, lowered her vest and pulled up the legs of her trousers. "They aren't that bad," only by virtue of the battle suit having such good insulation.
Her mom bent down, looked at the incomplete rings of mildly burnt skin and straightened up. "Agreed. They'll heal fine if left alone, however, just be careful when you bathe as the hot water might irritate them and cause you some discomfort. Would it be ok if I took a quick listen to your heart, just as a precaution? Electrocution on any scale can cause damage to your heart."
Maybe if she'd been like this when she'd examined me in the past, I would have been more inclined to let her. She laughed internally. I suppose mom would argue that if I'd been more responsible, she wouldn't have had to force me into it. "I feel fine, but if it'll put your mind at ease, then go for it."
"It really will," her mom assured her and stooped down to fetch her stethoscope and a small orange pill bottle from her backpack. She set the latter down on the coffee table. "Here's some more codeine, in case you need it and don't hesitate to use it if you hurt yourself in future. However, if you're in serious pain…"
"…give you a call," she finished for her, as her mom popped her stethoscope in her ears and placed the open bell over her heart.
After only a minute, her mom smiled and removed the device from Kim's chest. "Everything sounds fine, Kimmie, strong and steady as always."
"Thanks, Mom," she replied. Ok, so she's suggesting I take another day off work… Argh! Being sensible is no fun, but it's better that than the alternative. "Are you going to be able to drive home?"
Her mom, who had taken the intervening moment to pack away her stethoscope and put on her lab coat, replied, "I might have had half a bottle of wine, but trust me when I say I'm still quite sober."
Kim looked her up and down. "I believe you, Mom. Let me show you out."
"Thank you, Kimmie."
With no feeling that her every move was being painstakingly monitored, she led her mother the short distance to the front door and opened it. The woman then reached out and Kim did not resist the hug.
"I think we needed this," her mom said softly in her ear.
Kim laughed lightly, "it would have helped if we'd done it two years ago. However, better late than never."
"I suppose you're right," her mom chuckled.
They separated and the woman headed for the stairs. "Thank you, Kim, for again doing what I couldn't and having the strength to let go of your anger enough to talk to me. You truly are a remarkable person."
"What can I say, I'm the girl that can do anything," she said with a grin.
They exchanged a goodbye and Kim waited until her mom's red hair was out of sight before closing the apartment door. She was ready to forgive her mom for what she had done, but they'd at least made a start on repairing their relationship. We're not back to where we were prior to the hurricane Kimberly disaster and nowhere near the relationship we had when I was in high school, but that's ok. In fact, it's better this way. Now we have a chance to build a new relationship between two adults. For the third time in the space of a week, Kim found herself completely drained after having endured a gruelling showdown with three of the main contributors to her swirling mass of problems, which was definitely a lot smaller than it had been a week ago. Heh, I might just manage to work through everything after all. Grinning, she headed for her bedroom, via a stop off in the kitchen for a cold glass of water and the living room table for the bottle of codeine; swallowing two tablets with a mouthful of water.
Completely worn out, but oddly at peace, Kim climbed into bed. Reaching out to turn out her bedside lamp, she caught sight of her cell phone on the nightstand; the message alert light blinking. Absentmindedly, she picked it up, half expecting it to be some stupid junk text. Unlocking the device, she almost dropped it when she saw the name on the screen; Miss Go. Oh, holy shit! Half in excitement; half in apprehension, she opened the message and read, Saturday night, Spritzers; 8 pm.
##
Author's note:
Right, ok, I hope you guys enjoyed this mammoth update (half the size of a short flippin' novel, lol!)
I really enjoyed writing Kim and James in the first chapter, which came as somewhat of a surprise as I seem to always have an issue when it comes to writing dad characters. Which is one of the reasons that we don't really see him in season one! I also enjoyed the interactions between the two of them and how James had realised that Kim had changed and that the way he treats her has to change too. Kim also caught me off guard by trying to tell him that she is a lesbian, I genuinely did not see that one coming. Alas, she's not yet entirely comfortable with herself yet and so, unfortunately, a reminder of the conversation she had with him years ago was enough to erode her resolve. Hopefully, she has better luck next time she tries.
Moving onto Shego and this was quite an interesting chapter to write. As always, Ru-Ru made me laugh, first with his tantrum and then with his Cheesus line. My apologies to anyone offended by such a blasphemous comment. We also got a few more hints at her past, a conversation with Bonnie that I didn't even think about until after I had started writing the first scene and then a very interesting conversation with Miss Go that I think highlights just how far the character has come since the start of the story.
Ok, Kim and Ann... oh boy did I not see any of this coming. This chapter was supposed to simply have a frosty exchange between the two of them, followed by Kim getting Shego's message and then sitting and thinking about the two of them and the volcano lair incident; I didn't even get to write that second scene! I'd started the chapter one day and then found myself lying awake that night at 3am because I couldn't sleep. The scene then started to play in my head from where I'd left it and all of a sudden Kim got Ann to confess about having held the 'intervention', blew up at her and then the whole thing about Ann having 'tried to talk to the daughter she thinks she should have, rather than the one she actually has,' came out and the entire thing just went from there. When I next got back to writing the scene, I'd decided that Kim would throw Ann out after the confession about the intervention, but the two of them were determined to thrash the whole thing out there and then and so I had to let them. Oh and Ann threw in the curveball about Shego while I was writing and so that had to go in too.
And yeah, I pulled a Mr Miyagi (Karate Kid) in order to explain the origin of Kim's martial arts ability. I'd been pondering the answer to that question for a while and I kept coming back to Nana Possible, but needed a way of explaining it that would keep with the shows cannon of Kim not knowing about her grandmother's abilities and why her grandmother never told her that she'd taught her after Kim had found out. And this just made perfect sense to me.
I also think that it is important that, while they spoke for a long time and Kim is no longer angry at Ann, that she is not ready to forgive her just yet. What Ann did to her made her exceptionally angry and it just didn't make sense for her to forgive her after one conversation, despite how in-depth it was. Needless to say, Kim and Ann still have some way to go in order for them to forge a new relationship, but at least they've made a positive start.
Ok, so after this update, I'm probably not going to have too much writing time over the next couple of weeks, given that it's Christmas next week. In that regards, I hope you don't mind if I take a mid-season break for the holidays and bring you the next update in the new year. In order to tide you over, I can tell you that it will be at least three chapters long, will definitely cover Kim and Shego's next meet-up in Spritzers and that the provisional chapter titles for three of the chapters are as follows: I know what you'll like in my wardrobe, Can we try it again? and Dance of the dawn.
Thank you all so much for your support, it has been incredible over these past eight and a half months and I hope this story has given you all something to look forward to every couple of weeks in what has been a horrible year.
Happy holidays and wishing you all the best for 2021
K1G0
