AN: Thank you to April-Showers82, Wolf Born Woman, megan39, and Anony for reviewing, I'm so glad the last chapter was well received, and I hope you all like the next.
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Chapter Sixty Three: Water burning.
The sea washed over the shore before retreating again, creeping forward and scurrying back, over and over. It scattered small stones and dragged seaweed away. Dampened the toes of my shoes with white foam, then hurrying away again. Ebbing and flowing repetitively. It lulling my mind into itself. Making it it's metaphor. My mind used to feel like ice; cold, sharp, and capable of shattering into tiny fragments. Lonely in its crystallised shell. Frozen in the state it had gone from warm, spreading liquid to isolated ice. All sides reflecting the fractured light within it. Now it felt like the sea, cold still, but slowly treading water, looking for better climes. Searching for something to make it warm and radiate sunshine…
"I thought I'd find you here." Jake broke into my musing and I turned to glance in his direction.
"Hi." I sighed, wandering over to where he stood by the beached driftwood tree we'd sat on for so many years.
"What's on your mind?" He asked, sitting casually in the gnarled, exposed roots.
"That maybe I read too much descriptive literature." Replying with a shrug, I dug my toes into the shale beneath my feet, letting it cover the edge of my shoes like the sea had just done.
"I could have told you that ages ago." Chuckling, he tapped his feet against the washout trunk.
"I could have told you that you were a werewolf ages ago." I muttered, knowing he could hear me.
"Yeah..." He agreed with a sigh, "You could." There was a weighted moment between us and I felt guilt creeping into my stomach, "But I wouldn't have believed you."
"No..." I nodded in agreement. Billy had been reciting Tribe legends all of our lives, repeatedly warning us of our dismissal being our downfall when they proved true. In particular, he pushed the issue with Jake. Drilling into him the importance of knowing the Tribe's history and the truth in it. He had scoffed at his father, as we all had, and told him to stop daydreaming about werewolves and quit drinking Old Quil's moonshine. Never had the thought occurred to any one of us that there was anything to be believed. I remembered Jake mocking the histories and his father, laughing along with him...until I saw the legends come to life. We never expected to be entwined in the myths ourselves, "How-how do you feel about...about it all?" I asked hesitantly. Every wolf so far had struggled with their new truth, but I hadn't had a chance to ask Jake about his experience in the week that had passed since Jake's first Pack breakfast.
"Like I've lost my damn mind." Jacob admitted quietly and I knew the look on his face would be one of mourning for his old, easy life, "It is all so impossible, but..."
"But there's no way to deny it." Finishing his sentence, I leant onto the driftwood, watching his feet tapping.
"No way to deny I turn into a giant wolf if I get angry, no, not really." He said bitterly.
I could hear him attempting to calm his breathing, keeping it steady and deep, and I wanted to place my hand on his leg in reassurance. But I kept my hands to myself, interlocking my fingers in front of me. I was to blame for some of that bitterness. It was an uncomfortable truth in the Pack, one no one openly resented me for, but I knew it was there. The resentment. How could it not be when I was so closely linked to...them.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, the words escaping my lips without conscious thought, and I cringed away from them. Fearful of the conversation I was potentially opening, I shifted further away from Jacob, keeping my eyes on my hands. Pale hands. Hands that had held the Pack's enemies. Hands that had once wished to be paler. The hollow in my chest flared with a burning heat.
"You don't need to be sorry." Jake finally responded, "I don't blame you."
"Oh." Is the only word that leaves my lips and my face creases with confusion.
"I blame the C..." I flinched at the sound of their name, "Them. Their unnatural existence makes us necessary," My heart stuttered painfully and I held my breath, "None of this would have happened without them." The oozing, dark wound rattled against my ribs and I curled around myself, desperately holding myself together, "It is their fault."
"Please no." I whimpered, feeling tears on my cheeks, "Stop."
"Bella!" Jake cried in alarm, unaware until then of my impending meltdown.
"Please Jake." I sobbed, bending double.
"Bella? Bella!" He was suddenly by my side, wrapping his long, strong arms around me. The heat radiating off of him rivalled the one flaming inside me, "Ssh...it's okay. They're gone. I'm here. You're going to be okay. Bella, ssh, I've got you. I've got you." His frantic words circled in my head, fighting the memories. Dark memories – happy memories – tarnished memories – all swirling around with his reassurances. Cold thoughts – hot thoughts – they crashed against one another. Today – the beach – Jake's arms around me…
"Jake..." I breathed his name, pressing my face into his chest.
"I'm here, Bella, you're okay. You're here. You're safe. I've got you." He murmured over and over.
I shuddered against him. His arms tightened and his words grew softer. Gently, he pulled me back into myself, reminding me of the here and now. Pushing the memories back into locked vaults. Melting the locks on their doors, so to stop them being reopened while he had me in his arms. He held me safe and warm in his arms and I found myself huddling closer, enjoying the human contact that I hadn't wished for in so long. I had developed the habit of avoiding anyone's touch recently, not wanting to feel the warmth of another's hand on my cold skin. But this, Jake's arms around me, made me want to remain buried in them. Let them take away the cold memories and replace them with ones of warmth and reassurance. I felt his presence and the tears drying and the wound in my chest shrinking away from him, its cold tendrils curling away from his warmth, and I let out a deep, warm breath for the first time since that night.
