"I really have to go… stop…"
Aeyrin groaned, half-heartedly pushing him away from her.
They roamed around the rest of Solitude for a while, visiting some of the more interesting places – avoiding Castle Dour in order to not get dragged in by the Imperials. On Aeyrin's insistence they visited the temple and the Blue Palace gardens. She wanted to see the Bard's College too, however there were some lessons in progress and one of the bards asked them not to disturb. Lastly they returned towards the city gates, settling in The Winking Skeever for a meal and a room.
They've spent the remaining several hours before dusk in the bedroom, relieving tension from their travels.
Bishop pulled her back towards him, grabbing her around her waist and dragging her across the large bed to rest her back on his chest as he started to bite into the back of her neck lightly.
She already managed to dress herself with some difficulty, despite his insistent wandering hands and attempts at undressing her again.
Now she just needed to escape the room – not that she really wanted.
Although she was curious what Casavir wanted to discuss with her, Bishop made it painfully hard to leave the room.
His hand roamed under her tunic again, eliciting another frustrated groan from her.
"Bishop… I have to…" she gasped as he pinched her skin teasingly.
"Screw the paladin," he growled. One of his hands started to stroke her upper thigh teasingly. "Actually… no. Don't screw the paladin, screw me instead."
She chuckled, but finally managed to disentangle herself from him, getting up from the bed and looking over his naked body somewhat regretfully.
"It's just dinner. I'll be back soon," she gave him a smile, but noticed how morose he got.
"Right," he grumbled.
She'll be back alright. Probably to tell him to get out of her life and never speak to her again.
He couldn't convince her to miss her dinner and now there was nothing to do but wait for the inevitable.
"Just… remember what I told you," he sighed in defeat, watching her tidy her ruffled hair by the large mirror in the corner of the room, her face still flushed and heated from their exertions.
She walked over back to the bed, leaning down to kiss him briefly in reassurance.
"I will," she gave him a warm smile, turning on her heel and leaving him in the room alone, staring at the closed door after her.
…
She ran into the overcrowded common room, scanning the patrons – it was well past dusk, Casavir was sure to be there already.
A young Nord woman was playing the flute in the center and most of the tables around her seemed occupied by her numerous admirers. There were other tables by the bar – all fully occupied save for the one in the corner. There was already a single tankard on it, however.
She continued towards the bar, finally spotting the tall man, now out of his armor and in a rather fancy embroidered tunic and silk trousers, discussing something vehemently with the innkeeper.
"Casavir, there you are," she rushed over towards him with an apologetic smile.
"My lady! I've been looking for you," he looked her over with a worried expression.
It wasn't as if she was that late.
The innkeeper mumbled something incoherent morosely and tried to turn away before Casavir called back to him in a stern voice: "I expect exceptional service, my good man."
His words were strangely charged, as if he was threatening him.
It must have been her imagination though. Why would he threaten the innkeeper?
Casavir inclined his head towards her, his eyes still scanning over her with a hint of worry before he nodded towards the table in the corner with a lone tankard.
They sat themselves down as a red-headed man with a white apron across his waist appeared by their side immediately, looking at them expectedly.
No one else seemed to be ordering at their table – this was strange.
"More water for me, please. And whatever your chef makes is fine with me."
The server scoffed briefly before turning towards Aeyrin with a much kinder expression: "Interested in a drink? We have a very good mead made with juniper berry, it used to be produced in Helgen. A rarity, these days. Or, Evette San's spiced wine, of course."
She already had a goblet for their midday meal, the server must have remembered. It was really good and she was very tempted to have another one, but then she remembered her upbringing.
She was always taught to adhere to the same vows as the priests and paladins in the temple, both not to cause them unnecessary temptation and in case she decided to undergo the vigil eventually.
It's not as if she needed the drink and it would be rude to indulge herself while Casavir couldn't.
"I'll just have the same, thank you," she smiled at the server, who merely grunted in response and turned on his heel.
Casavir smiled at her, but the crease in his brows was still apparent.
"My lady, are you alright?" he kept scanning her, as if there was something wrong with her.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" she smiled as the server returned, placing two tankards of water on their table before hurrying off again.
"You seemed a bit… heated when you came here. Did you get into an altercation?" he raised a brow at her. She could have sworn she saw a measure of disapproval in his gaze.
Well… if one could call that an altercation…
"N-no… I was late, so I rushed here," she gave him a demure smile, feeling her cheeks flush again.
Stupid Bishop… so distracting.
It was no wonder that the paladins thought avoiding such things would give them better focus, she could barely think of anything else, still feeling the touch of his rough hands on her body.
He narrowed his eyes, as if he didn't believe her, but instead of commenting on it further, he gave out a deep sigh, closing his eyes momentarily.
"My lady, may I inquire on how long you've know that… scoundrel," his worried expression was back in a moment as he looked into her eyes.
It wasn't hard to figure out who he was talking about.
"You mean Bishop? Several months already. We've met on one of the first days I spent in Skyrim. We've been travelling together ever since," she explained, taking a long swig of the water to cool down a bit more.
Casavir looked positively shocked.
What did she say to cause such a reaction?
"You are travelling with him? My lady, that is dangerous. You don't know what he's capable of!" he gasped, horrified.
She might have taken him seriously, were it not for Bishop's very similar reaction to the paladin.
It was clear that there was bad blood there and she was dying to find out why.
But Bishop had the entire day to tell her and he didn't. It seemed, at times, as if he was bracing himself to tell her something, but changed his mind.
She knew his past was painful for him to talk about. Was it really fair to listen to what Casavir had to say?
He was obviously biased, and just from the way he addressed Bishop, it was clear he would not paint him in a positive light.
He likely barely knew him.
He certainly didn't know the same person she did – the supportive, protective and passionate man she's grown to care for.
"If he is dangerous, I can take care of myself. But really, he's no danger to me," she shrugged noncommittally.
Casavir's eyes got increasingly intense and even hateful as he shook his head desperately at her.
"You'd think so, my lady. But your kindness blinds you. He is a danger to everyone," he frowned deeply, taking a tentative breath to calm himself a bit. "Tell me, does he know who you are?" he looked at her with sorrowful eyes, as if breaking bad news to a child.
Did he know who she was? Of course he did! It seemed like he was one of the few people that actually did. Better than most in fact, save perhaps for Master Therien.
But Casavir certainly didn't.
He knew only one thing about her – the one thing that everyone knew. He could only be referring to that.
"You mean the Dragonborn? Of course he does, he was there when I found out."
Casavir looked shocked again, then his expression turned into a pondering one. He murmured something under his breath. She could make out the phrase 'why would he', but not much else over the noise in the tavern. After a while his brows creased again as he nodded in understanding: "Then there is only one explanation I can think of for why someone like him would travel with you for so long."
"Excuse me?" she raised an eyebrow at him.
That was kind of insulting – why couldn't he just travel with her because he liked her? Did there have to be an agenda?
"My lady, I… I meant no disrespect. Of course, without a doubt, anyone would be lucky to… I…" he stammered a bit, realizing what his sudden outburst implied. His cheeks colored in nervous embarrassment and his hands fidgeted briefly. He took a deep breath, composing himself, the serious expression back on his face momentarily. "Please, understand, what I meant to say is… that man only cares for himself. I couldn't fathom why he would put his life in danger for anyone. I… I'm afraid that he would only talk with you in order to… sate his baser needs, seeing you as some twisted challenge when you refused him," he shook his head in disapproval before continuing. "He probably thinks it some game, attempting to make you break your vows."
She sat there, slack-jawed, staring at him.
That was one damned big assumption.
Well… parts of it could be considered true, but it wasn't as if their attractions weren't mutual even from the start. Besides, she didn't take any vows preventing that.
"I… I have no wish to cause you any hurt, my lady, but I cannot allow the man to manipulate you," he sighed again, giving her a sympathetic look.
This was getting tiresome, and it assured her that, despite her curiosity, she had no interest in learning of Bishop's past from Casavir – his versions of events seemed to include lots of embellishments. Bishop would tell her himself when he was ready.
She frowned at him, trying to sound as assertive as possible – she was no child to be taught about the dangers of wanton men. "Not that it's anyone's business, but I am a cleric at the church, I never took the vows which you are referring to. Other than that, I'd prefer it, if you left my relationship with Bishop for me to handle."
He furrowed his brows further, shaking his head at her: "My lady, it is my duty to protect those who need it, not those who ask for it, as you well know. I cannot in good conscience let you return to that man without knowing his true nature. When I met him, he was a…"
"Stop," she interrupted him with a scowl.
How would he know whether she needed protection? He didn't know either of them – at least not now.
"Casavir, if Bishop wants to tell me something, he will. Until then, I'd hate to rely on renditions from people I barely met. If that is all you wanted to talk to me about, then we have nothing more to discuss."
…
Bishop paced around the room, not really knowing what to do with himself.
That fucking bastard was undoubtedly just telling her all about him – well, all he knew.
About him being a bandit, about him crossing the one person he was supposed to care about, about getting Jules killed.
Everything he told Elisie before, everything he spun into his own version to make her reject him.
Everything he did to ensure that Bishop had no one left… to ensure that he had no way of making things right for his brother.
And he was sure that the paladin did that for one reason only – to take her for himself, to swoop in like a big fucking hero and save the damsel, abandoning her after he was done.
He knew how it ended, but there was nothing he could do then – she didn't trust him, she never wanted to see him again after everything that Casavir told her.
He was gonna do the same thing to Aeyrin – he was gonna make sure she despised Bishop, then he would swoop in again and after getting what he wanted, he would leave her too, alone and heartbroken.
Even if Bishop kept the truth from her, even if he didn't tell her who he used to be and deserved for her to hate him for it, he still would never allow him to hurt her.
He had to do something to stop this.
Even if he couldn't have her, he would certainly never allow that fucking tin-head to have her instead.
…
Casavir luckily ceased his attacks on Bishop once Aeyrin made it clear that she was not interested in his opinions on that matter.
He assured her that he had other things to discuss with her and they continued their dinner in a much more amicable atmosphere, the politeness and kindness that exuded from him when they first met returning steadily.
They discussed their upbringing and religion for a while, along with the reasons why she never underwent her vigil.
Aeyrin told him about her pilgrimage, except for the parts about Talos – he was, after all, cooperating very closely with the Imperial Legion as a paladin of the Imperial Dragon.
He told her that years ago he put in charge of a contingent of paladins and sent with to Skyrim to ensure that the Legion's efforts there bore fruit, as well as to protect the innocents caught in the war's crossfires.
The dragons came unexpectedly and only reinforced the need for their presence in Skyrim.
"It is, however, somewhat fruitless, since we cannot really kill the beasts," he sighed, perceptibly weary of the situation.
"You tried?" she looked at him with curiosity. She always wondered what happened if a dragon attacked and she was not around. Mercer made it clear that it got up again, but what then? She doubted everyone had those nifty giant cages handy to entertain the masses.
"Several times, my lady. Once even right here near Solitude. Luckily it did not attack the city proper. They are powerful, but they fall down like every other vile beast. The question is, what to do after."
"What do you do after?"
He sighed, looking far away into distance, seemingly at a loss.
"Both the Legion and my contingent have been working on solutions together. We usually… move them, to lower the probability on their attack on the settlements. We have tried other things, unsuccessfully. We have removed one's appendages, its bones, meat and organs, yet it regenerated fully – we merely saw a magical current course through the remains. We have attempted to throw the carcass into the Sea of Ghosts. It flew in from the depths after a time, hale and angry. Nothing we do seems to harm them."
That sounded exhausting. They tried all that and… nothing?
Was she really the only one who could help?
She always hoped it was an exaggeration, even after Mercer's party.
Maybe the mages at the College could find some spell or a ritual? Maybe the Greybeards could?
But if that were true, they would have probably already interfered.
It would be helpful if she at least knew how many dragons were there…
"If the rumors are true, the only thing you need to do is… be present?" he gave her a questioning look, studying her curiously.
If only…
"Well… that's not exactly… technically yes, but… it's an ordeal. It's painful and I think… I think it could kill me," she sighed as he gave her a sympathetic expression. His hand rose at the table and hovered above her hesitantly for a while before he placed it gently on hers.
"That is grave news, my lady. But still… you have survived thus far. And as it stands, you are still the only hope to defeat them for good," he gave her a gentle smile, as if he just gave her the greatest compliment.
It only made her more anxious, but how could she hope for him to understand – it was nothing but unimaginable honor for anyone but her.
"It was the main reason I wanted to speak with you, my lady. The dragons are a terrible threat to the people of Skyrim and I am determined to help get rid of them. That is why I would like to help you," he smiled at her again, a determined look in his blue eyes.
"Help me how?" she tilted her head at him. She would welcome any help, but she couldn't imagine what he could do, since he had no new information for her – that was probably the only thing she needed right now.
"By battling the beasts, of course. By fighting by your side, ensuring your safety as you ensure the demise of the dragons. By joining you on your travels," his hand was still on hers as he gently squeezed her in reassurance, the kind smile still decorating his face, his eyes intense with resolve.
"You… want to travel with me… and Bishop?" she punctuated his name, making certain he knew she was not thinking of replacing him.
Besides, the two of them together? That sounded like a disaster waiting to happen.
"I…" he gave her a perturbed look, clearing his throat uncomfortably. "My lady, I really think that you'd be better off…"
She gave him a stern look, making him stop his line of thought and retrieve his hand back from hers.
"Casavir, stop. I told you, I know Bishop well enough and I trust him. I am not leaving him because of your opinion of him."
Casavir creased his brows, shaking his head. He sighed in defeat after a while, giving her a last hopeful look.
"I understand, my lady. You are cautious of a virtual stranger, that is only practical. I will… drop the subject for now, but I would enquire whether you'd be willing to spend more time with me while you are here in Solitude? I must say, I enjoy your company and I'd hate for him to come between a potential friendship," he smiled kindly again. Despite his insistence on trying to deter her from Bishop, she felt very tempted to spend more time with him, even though she barely knew him.
Strange, perhaps it was because of the easy familiarity she felt around him as a brother in her faith.
It was nice talking to someone about her faith without being scoffed at. And he seemed like a kind man, when he was not talking about Bishop.
She nodded at him with a smile as he gave her one in return.
"That is excellent news, my lady. There's an… event I would be honored to have you accompany me to, but there are some arrangements to be made beforehand. I will let you know when the time's right."
They said their goodbyes after some more small talk and she got up from the table after that, heading towards the backroom stairwell.
…
It's been too long.
Over two hours.
What were they doing?
Stupid question… he knew what they were doing.
But she wouldn't just leave, right? Not without her equipment at least.
He should just check that they were still there.
No, that would be too needy.
But then again, what was he supposed to do in the room? He should just go get a drink.
Yeah.
Nothing weird about that.
He just needed a drink.
He made his way downstairs with quick strides, scanning the common room. He didn't see them anywhere. But where else would they be?
He went slowly towards the bar, his eyes still roaming over everyone in the room.
He'd just get a drink.
Where was she?
"Yeah?" the innkeeper looked at him expectantly.
She wasn't there. The tin-head wouldn't move that fast would he? But maybe he would. What did he know?
"Where's the elven girl and that paladin that were here?" he barked at the innkeeper. That's not what he wanted to ask for, but it just slipped out.
Dammit. Did he even wanna know?
"Pff… that pompous git?" the innkeeper snorted derisively.
Well, his sentiments exactly but it still didn't tell him what he needed to know.
"They left some time ago, likely to the bedrooms."
What?! Did she go into his bedroom? Was he serious? What the fuck? He suspected that the asshole would try something, but he never expected her to go along with it.
That was so much worse than he thought… fucking paladin.
He would not get her.
He would not get to touch her.
She was his.
"Where's his room?!" Bishop fumed.
He was wrong, he would not let her leave.
Never.
If she hated him, he'd make it right. But the tin-head would not get to interfere!
"Can't tell you that, sorry, mate," the innkeeper shrugged noncommittally.
"Do you not want him to get a thrashing?! Tell me!" he yelled, the innkeeper's face twisted into an amused smirk.
He pondered for a bit, then muttered: "The only room on the northern side. Have fun…"
He ran off, barreling through the common room as some of the patrons threw him confused stares.
He would break every bone in each of his fingers.
That fucking bastard would not get between them. He would not get to ruin everything again.
He reached the rooms, staring at the door on the northern side.
Knock?
No… he needed to catch him in the act, trying to put moves on his girl.
He lunged himself onto the door, knocking it out of its hinges with the impact.
His eyes found the paladin immediately, sitting on a chair with a book in the corner of the room, his eyes wide, his mouth left ajar incredulously.
He was… alone?
Fuck…
"Have you gone insane?!"
The familiar voice rang behind him.
He turned around, staring at her, standing by the stairs with her hair wet.
She must have gone to the baths.
Fuck.
What has gotten into him? How was he gonna explain this without sounding like a deranged lunatic?
Not that it mattered, she probably already despised him enough.
She shook her head in exasperation, leaving right away back into their room, slamming the door behind her.
"I see you're showing your true colors all by yourself," the cold voice came out from inside the paladin's room.
"I have no idea how you managed to manipulate her into even sparing you a second of her time, but I assure you, I'll make certain that she won't spare you another one," Casavir was standing in the empty doorframe, staring him down hatefully.
"What did you tell her, you piece of shit?!" Bishop yelled at him, fury in his eyes. He knew already, but the paladin didn't even answer his question.
Well, it was pointless anyways.
"I should gut you, where you stand for everything you've done. The only reason you're still alive, is for her sake. But that won't last, Bishop."
He moved past Bishop sternly, heading down the stairs, likely to get his door fixed.
Bishop turned back towards the direction of his own room, staring at the firmly shut door.
Fuck, this was it.
All he could do now was damage control.
…
He entered the room with a deep sigh, seeing her sitting at the large desk, rummaging through her coin purse and checking her funds.
Crap… that definitely meant she wanted to leave.
He had to stop her.
"Oh look, you know how doors work!" she shook her head at him with an annoyed expression, then returned to looking over her money.
He didn't really answer, just grumbled something unintelligible.
He couldn't fathom what to say.
If he told her what he told Elisie back then… fuck, of course he told her, why wouldn't he? And he insinuated it pretty clearly.
"Why did you do that? What exactly was that supposed to achieve?" she threw him another look, this time much angrier.
Was she still talking about the door?
Well, better than the alternative…
"I… thought you were there with him…" he grumbled again through gritted teeth.
Her look got more intense, the anger palpably seeping through.
"Do you have any idea how insulting that is?! Do you know me at all?!"
He stayed silent for a while.
Why didn't he count on that?
He panicked. He knew how manipulative Casavir was, and he could see in his eyes that he wanted her.
Fuck, who wouldn't?
"I… just… figured… after what he told you…" he sighed, sitting himself on the bed defeatedly.
They had to get to that at some point, might as well just get it over with.
"What did he tell me, Bishop? You know, I should have just let him tell me everything. Why should I trust you and give you the benefit of the doubt, when you won't do the same for me?!" she shook her head again, turning back to what she was doing, pointedly ignoring him.
He didn't tell her?
No… it sounded like he tried, but she wouldn't let him…
Was that for real? Was she really willing to wait for him to tell her himself?
Somehow it made him feel worse.
She deserved an explanation.
He couldn't tell her what the paladin knew. He tried several times that day and he just couldn't. He was too wary of it driving her away. Even if he explained everything, even if he made sure she saw his side of things, somehow he knew that she would never look at him the same way.
And just the thought of that terrified him.
Besides, if he told her everything that the tin-head knew, he would eventually have to get to Thorn. And he couldn't do that.
It was for her own protection.
But at the very least, she deserved to know why he freaked out like that. She deserved to know why every one of his rational thoughts went out of the window around that fucking paladin.
"It just…" he sighed before continuing, "the one time I tried to do something decent…" he shook his head incredulously.
He looked down on the wooden floor planks.
He hasn't talked to anyone about him since he died.
The only ones who knew him were from the Guild, and it's not as if there was anything to discuss with them.
"My… younger brother… the only one of them I actually cared about… he died a few years back. Some shit went down and those fucking paladins got involved."
He didn't look at her but he felt her raise her gaze from her coin purse and watch him tentatively.
"I didn't know back then… but later I found out he… left a girl behind… pregnant. So I though… well, he would have wanted them to be taken care of... to be safe," he placed his elbow on his knee, supporting his head with his hand as he still stared down.
"I gathered what money I could and found her… started hunting to earn more coin until the kid was old enough and she could find work at least. Then Casavir came. Apparently, he promised my brother if things went south, he'd take care of her and the kid…" he paused his expression turning hateful again at the memory of it.
"He took care of things alright. Spat shit about me to her, making sure she didn't want any of my help ever again, telling her I only wanted her for myself… as if I would do that to my brother… whatever… I thought if they were actually safe… what did it matter?" he scoffed derisively at himself.
He was so stupid to leave things be.
"I saw her a few months later. She was pregnant again… and that righteous tit was nowhere to be found. Likely afraid that his precious church would smite him or something for fucking that girl, now that there was proof," he spat out venomously.
"Well… didn't change the damned fact that she wanted nothing to do with me. I still tried to watch out for her… even if she didn't accept anything from me, but… month or so later she and the kid were gone… the neighbors said they left Skyrim, but no one knew where," he sighed.
He wondered if they were still alive.
Fucking Casavir… it was all his fault.
If he didn't get involved, they'd be safe and taken care of. He wouldn't even let him do that for Jules… to make up for some of the shit that went down at least. All he wanted to do was do right by him. And he couldn't. All because of that fucking hypocrite.
She watched him for a while as he was struggling with his emotions.
It was not what she expected.
She would have thought that Casavir merely caught Bishop doing something unsavory, for example during his time with the Guild.
Would he actually break his vows and sleep with the girl? That wouldn't have been so bad if he didn't abandon her afterwards.
But Bishop left out what actually happened. It was likely that he didn't know, only filled in the gaps.
It was just as likely that something else happened, that someone else got the girl pregnant. It was a damn big assumption to make on his part, but… she couldn't really blame him for thinking the worst after Casavir made such effort to keep him from his own family, right after his brother's death.
She did somewhat understand why Bishop behaved the way he did. He was worried Casavir would turn her against him in the same way.
It didn't matter how much he overreacted, or whether he blamed Casavir for something he didn't do, he was still obviously afraid of losing her.
Despite the somber mood, it made her heart flutter in her chest. She was a bit reluctant to overlook his erratic behavior, but she couldn't help but think on how he must have felt the entire time she was with Casavir, constantly wondering if he was trying to dissuade her from Bishop again. To be fair… he did try.
She got up and sat herself down on the bed next to him.
She had a million questions, but she could see how hard it was for him to share this much at least.
She knew how hard it was to speak of one's painful past. He'd tell her when he was ready.
For now, he needed to know that she wasn't going to abandon him for someone else's words.
She took his hand and twined her fingers in his, laying her head on his shoulder, her thumb brushing over the back of his hand soothingly. She felt his head drop down to lean on hers, the light huff of his breath telling her that he smiled.
"What was his name?" she asked after a long while of silence.
It was the only thing she was curious about that she knew wouldn't raise thousand other questions and force him to talk about something he wasn't ready for.
"Jules."
