Author's note: Again – fast forward! This chapter takes place about a year after Jazz and Rachet's conspiratorial conversation in the training room. Just trying to get to the ''good'' stuff people. 😉
Chapter 63 – Fire when ready!
I felt myself tense up and flinch slightly not as a result of the various tools Rachet was using to repair my damaged arm and abdomen, but as a result of the direct question he just threw to me.
''So, have you spoken to Prime about how you feel?'' I could almost ''feel'' the raised optic ridge on his faceplates. ''Easy,'' Rachet put a servo on my shoulder as he watched me tense up. ''Relax Phoenix.''
''Relax? Rachet, you have a welder, a massive scalpel looking thingy, a massive blow torch and various other tools and torture devices sitting beside you NOT to mention that you just threw me the mother of all curve balls of a question and you ask me to RELAX? You really need to work on your bedside manner Doc!'' I threw him an incredulous look.
''Duly noted. Well, have you?'' Rachet seemed unfazed by my comment and somewhat annoyed I had not seen fit to answer his question yet.
I sighed, an old ''human'' habit of mine. ''It's complicated Rachet. Can we just leave it at that?'' I implored.
Rachet paused in his ministrations, looking at me sightly confused, ''Complicated? How so? I mean you love him, don't you?''
I flinched a little at how blunt Rachet was being on what was a delicate subject, at least where I was concerned. ''Well, I think so. I do… oh, I don't know!'' I yelled and a look of frustration and annoyance descended over my features. I spat out at Rachet, ''See! How am I meant to talk to Prime about my feelings when Idon't even fully understand them myself!'' I went to fold my arms over my chest but winced in pain as I recalled the injury, I sustained in yet another training exercise with Ironhide, Jazz, Dino, Arcee and Sideswipe. I lay my arms by my sides in defeat.
''Easy,'' Rachet cautioned once more. ''Phoenix,'' Rachet sighed himself, ''You DO understand your feelings, all too well actually. You just don't want to admit them, and you don't want to get hurt again.'' Rachet levelled a piercing gaze at my optics.
I flinched again. My shoulders slumped. I could not look at him.
Rachet continued, ''Am I right? What are you afraid of?'' Rachet did not move to repair me. He stood by my side, his arms folded over his chest and a serious gaze on his face.
I growled in frustration. ''Everything!'' I ground out to the Medic. I snapped my helm up to look at him as the words tumbled out, ''I am afraid he would not see me that way and I will ruin what we do have between us, I am afraid I am not enough for him, he is the Prime for Primus sake! Who am I to be with someone like him Rachet? Most of all I am afraid that he will return my feelings and I will lose him – just like I lost Chase and he lost Elita. I don't...'' I returned Rachet's gaze, letting him read the pain, uncertainty and conflict in my optics. ''I don't think I could survive that again Rachet. It is safer this way.'' I hung my head in both shame and defeat. If I could cry, I am sure I would have had a river flowing down my cheeks.
I felt a servo gently touch my shoulder as Rachet reached out to me. ''Phoenix, they are all very valid reasons for you to fear sharing your feelings with Prime but in my humble opinion, they are all unfounded.'' I looked up at him and he smiled warmly at me. ''As for your greatest fear let me ask you this. What if you kept your feelings to yourself to make it ''easier'' for you and Prime was to die anyway – as may well happen.'' My spark constricted tightly at the terrifying thought. ''How would you feel then knowing you never got the chance to tell him how you felt? That he never got to hear how much you truly cared for him?'' Rachet stared deep into my optics as he let his words settle on my spark. ''What do you think will cause you more hurt Phoenix – love or regret?''
I closed my optics and felt a shudder run through my frame. /Damn it all but he was right!/. I nodded slowly in acceptance and understanding. ''Well, you certainly have a way with words Rachet, don't you?''
Rachet simply gave a cocky smile and puffed out his chest, ''just one of my many talents Phoenix.'' He grew serious again for a moment. ''Please, promise me you'll think about what I said and talk to Prime soon?''
I was about to nod my assent when a thought popped into my processor. ''Say Rachet, why do you keep asking me about this anyway? You have been prodding and prompting me about this on and off for almost a year, ever since that afternoon with Ironhide and Jazz in the hanger and my - outburst.'' I paused a moment considering, ''At first you seemed to caution me that day in the med Bay after Prime came back online from his repairs and you deliberately interrupted that ''moment'' between us. Now it seems you bring it up every chance you get. You got a bet going or something?'' I eyed him suspiciously.
Rachet scoffed, ''Hardly!'' The medic then changed his tone to one of earnest sincerity such as I had never heard from him before, ''Phoenix, as hard as it may seem for you to understand, I just want you, and Prime, to be happy. You both deserve it.'' He shrugged his shoulders, ''The way I see it, you pair being together gives you both the best shot at that happiness.''
I felt a warm wave of affection wash over me and I smiled at him. ''Wow. Thanks, Rachet, I… I really appreciate that.''
Rachet returned my smile briefly before continuing, ''Mind you, that is not a bad idea having some sort of betting pool going? I could make a killing with a little inside information,'' he raised an optic ridge at me in silent, devious questioning before winking conspiratorially.
I slapped him playfully on his shoulder, ''Insufferable Mech! Slag off!'' I laughed.
''Fine, ingrate. Now, if you don't mind, I have some repairs to see to.'' Rachet the medic was back.
Though before he had time to raise his tools my comms went off and I felt myself heat up at the deep voice that flooded through my audials. Before I answered I whispered to Rachet, ''Well speak of the devil, must be missing me,'' and I gave him a wink. Rachet smiled. I activated my comms, ''Hey Prime, Phoenix here.'' I nodded as I listened to his request to join him, Ironhide and Jazz on the firing range after I had finished at the Med Bay, only providing I was well enough to attend. He also requested that I bring along Rachet, if possible. I felt my curiosity rising but simply replied, ''Sure Prime, consider it done, I'll see you there soon and I'll bring the package with me. Phoenix out.''
Rachet eyed me curiously. ''Well, what did he want?''
''Prime requests my presence at the firing range with Jazz and Ironhide after I have finished here, providing I am well enough of course,'' I eyed Rachet who simply nodded, ''I have no idea as to why and I didn't think to question him about it.'' I shrugged my shoulders.
Rachet shrugged his shoulders too, ''oh well, we best get to work then,'' and he picked up a scalpel. ''By the way, what was the package you had to bring with you?''
I smiled sweetly, ''Why, you of course.''
Rachet looked unimpressed and then put the scalpel down and picked up the welder instead, ''Change in plans Phoenix,'' and he lit it up bringing it near to my abdomen and the nasty gauge there from Dino's swords. ''Now,'' he said with a wicked smile, ''hold still, this won't hurt…. much''.
A few joors later, I gracefully came to land on the firing range not far off from Prime and the others. It had been almost a year since I first transformed into ''Phoenix'' and in that time I had learned quite a lot about my new form. I had mastered the art of transforming into and out of my alt mode as the Phoenix. I had also learned how to fly – some of the most amazing, exciting and terrifying months of my life.
Given there really wasn't any Autobots amongst our ranks that had the ability of flight, I had to give myself, pardon the pun ''a crash course in flying''. I had read up on all the technical aspects of it, the theory so to speak. I had discussed the mechanics of flying with NEST pilots but then, when it came down to it, I just had to do it.
My first few attempts were woeful, and I ended up in the Med Bay on several occasions. Trying to wrap my processor around the fact that I was indeed able to fly, the very feeling of being in the air off the ground took a bit of getting used to. Especially seeing as prior to becoming the Phoenix I was terrified of flying! Fate has a sense of humour it would seem.
Prime was one step away from banning me from flying but then – it clicked! I never looked back and was only becoming more graceful and agile in the air with each passing day and practise. I felt the exhilaration of soaring through the air slowly leave my body as I transformed back into robot mode and walked over towards Prime, Ironhide, Jazz and Rachet, who had since arrived on the scene.
Prime was watching me intently with those azure optics of his as I approached and he nodded as I drew close, ''Phoenix, I trust you are feeling well after your repairs?''
I smiled, ''Well enough Prime,'' I nodded at Rachet, ''old hatchet here is a whizz with a welder.''
Rachet merely smirked at me as Prime tried to supress a shudder.
''I see. Well, if you are feeling up to it, we'll get on with the true purpose of our meeting here.'' Prime turned to look briefly at the others, who all nodded. ''Phoenix, we believe it is time for you to really test your powers. See what it is you can do.'' I felt my spark speed up in excitement.
Since my battle with Ironhide and Jazz in the hanger and I had gone a little ''feral''. I had kept my promise and worked hard to not allow my feelings to cloud my judgement in battle but channelled them to my advantage. I had also graduated to fighting multiple adversaries but had still not fully used my powers. I was awaiting approval from Prime for that and, it seemed that day had arrived! My optics lit up and I yelled out, ''Are you serious? Right now?'' I looked from Prime to Rachet and then to Ironhide and Jazz.
Prime allowed a small smile to form as he replied, ''Yes Phoenix, right now.''
Ironhide spoke up, ''We figured now might be a good time to try this given your earlier battle, subsequent damage and repair. It might be interesting to gauge your abilities in your current state and not functioning at full capacity….''
Jazz interjected, ''Though I still think you'll pack one hella'va punch lil' lady!'' Despite being about 9 feet taller than Jazz, he still kept his nickname for me from when he first met me.
I smiled at him, ''Thanks for the vote of confidence Jazz.''
''Now, while we want you to see what you are capable of Phoenix, we don't want you over doing it and risking injury to yourself or us!'' Rachet warned.
Prime nodded and fixed me with a very serious stare, ''This is a test not only of your abilities when not holding back Phoenix, but a test of your ability to hold back if necessary. If you sense danger to yourself or any of us, you need to demonstrate self-restraint and sound judgement in ceasing the use of your powers immediately. Is that understood?'' This was Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots addressing me now, not Prime, my dear friend.
I nodded and returned Prime's serious gaze. ''Absolutely Prime. I understand and acknowledge what you are asking of me and assure you I will honour your request.'' I looked around at them all. ''I would never want to do anything to hurt any of you, ever!''
Ironhide gave a loud snort, ''Could have fooled me! About 8 joors ago you were beating the ever-living energon out of 'Sides.''
I had the grace to look embarrassed for a moment before I retorted, ''Well Ironhide… Do you notice Sideswipe standing here amongst you? I said would never hurt any of you.'' I smiled sweetly at him.
Ironhide gave a quick chuckle that shook his barrel like chest. ''Fair point, lucky us.''
''Well, we had best get started.'' Prime nodded towards me, ''Phoenix we are going to use various scrap and targets for this test as opposed to Autobots. The goal of this test is to see what you are able to manipulate with your psychokinesis and then bring to bear your pyrokinesis to see what damage can be wrought. You will not be engaging in any hand-to-hand combat, we are already aware of your abilities in that area.''
''Well, you aren't!'' I challenged. ''You're the only one I have not squared off against as Phoenix.'' My voice held a teasing tone.
Prime ignored my comment, focused on the task at hand. He began to walk towards the massive open field from atop the ridge we had been standing on. True to his word out amongst the firing range were various parts of tank shells, cars, and other large pieces of scrap littered around. Ironhide and Jazz must have organised this earlier with some help from Lennox who was strangely absent.
''Hey Prime? Where is Lennox? I thought he would have wanted to be here to witness this if only to help in his feedback to Morshower and Mearing''. It had taken Lennox and Epps the better part of three months before they had accepted my transformation and felt comfortable in my presence. Lennox still called me ''OC'' on occasion but was quick to correct himself. While the dynamics of our friendship had changed somewhat based on my physical transformation, we still got along well, and I was a bit disappointed that he wasn't there.
''He was going to attend Phoenix, but he got called away early this morning. Apparently, a new Russian contact has reached out to Mearing with some information that might prove useful. She sent him immediately to gather intel,'' Prime continued walking, only casting a cursory glance backwards.
I sighed, ''Oh well, his loss, I guess. Hope it is worth the trip.''
We had descended to the bottom of the sloping ridge. ''Phoenix, I want you to walk out about another 50 paces. Visualise the piles of scrap as enemy targets and combine your powers in an effect manner to neutralise them.'' He turned to face me, ''Direct your fire power out over the ocean if possible, not back towards us.''
I nodded. Rachet spoke up, ''I will be monitoring your vitals during the process to see how your systems are coping and how they, and you, react to whatever it is you do.'' he assured me. Rachet cleared his throat in a decidedly human manner, ''I also have some sedative here just in case…''
''I go berserk and lose control,'' I interjected dead pan.
Rachet gave a weak smile, ''Yeah, something like that.''
''I understand Rachet, no judgment but I assure you, you won't be needing it.'' I turned to face them all. ''I feel as though I have a much better gauge of my abilities, I feel more comfortable in my own body than I ever have. I feel I am ready for this next stage.'' I cycled deeply. ''Let's do this.'' I nodded to them all and walked out as instructed by Prime.
I heard Prime call out behind me, ''Good luck Phoenix, please be careful.''
I was aware of the sound of heavy footfalls as Prime and the others retreated back up the small ridge to view my display. As I approached the designated distance I came to a standstill. I initiated the transformation process seamlessly and smoothly, changing into ''The Phoenix''. I felt myself dig my pedes and talons deep into the ground, anchoring myself. I felt my large metallic wings spread out behind me. My battle mask and visor had slid into place helping to centre and focus my thoughts.
I focused myself inward. Felt the power build within me, the fire course through me. I felt my wings come alive with flames; I raised my arms up slightly by my sides, my servos held balls of flame that danced about my palm to my command. I scanned the field before me, surveying the piles of scrap. I began to imagine them as Decepticons, Starscream off to my right, Megatron before me in the centre of the field. Other names I had heard flowed through my processor, /Shockwave, Ravage, Soundwave, Barricade/.
I began to feel the power build. I reached out towards the piles of scrap and began to visualise them lifting – rising into the air. Not just one or two of them but all of them at once! If I was going to do this, I was doing it all the way. /Prime said ''don't hold back''/. Slowly, the piles rose into the air – higher and higher.
I needed more – anger – more emotion- to push me to be able to do what I had planned.
I closed my optics, whilst focusing on the piles of scrap, I also recalled those moments of heightened emotion. The Mission City Battle, training with NEST, touching the Shard, waking up as Phoenix, battling Ironhide and Jazz, ''that all you got?'' Every dent, punch… I felt the fire build, the power coursed through me. I felt my whole body vibrate; I was vaguely aware I was beginning to growl. Higher and higher the objects rose. My final thoughts and emotions flashed through my processor; that night at Turtle Cove with Prime, meeting Chase, losing Chase… losing Prime… the pain… the spark ache…
That did it.
I felt everything within me connect. I threw my helm up, opened my optics and pushing with all my strength, as though from the deepest part of me, I stretched my arms out before me and unleashed - screeching my heartache, pain and anger as a cathartic release.
I felt the wave of fire erupt from my servos like a fiery shockwave, flying rapidly towards the targets that still hung suspended in the air. The air was torn apart by the loud explosion as within seconds all of the targets, and those that lay at the furthest end of the field, were consumed and then obliterated by a wave of fire that swallowed all in its path. The wave travelled on out past the furthest targets and over the ocean. My body was consumed in flames – though I felt nothing.
I stood there motionless as the fire began to quell. I felt my chest rising and falling as if I was trying to take in great sobs of air that I did not need. I felt my shoulders slump as though every ounce of energy had been taken from me. I could smell the acrid smell of smoke, burnt metal, rubber and earth. There were patches of fire burning all over the field, pillars of smoke rose from tiny patches of rubble that dotted the landscape before me, there were no large piles of scrap to be seen.
I felt myself transform back into my robot mode and I sunk to my knees.
