"Ok, textbooks away, now you need to spread out, make sure there's at least three metres between you and your partner. Remember the wand movements we have been practising and, more importantly, your concentration. Ok, you may begin."

She watched with satisfaction as the students carried out her instructions to the last, spreading out across the classroom and practising their banishing and summoning charms.

She hid a yawn and began to move in and out of the practising pairs.

"Good Wilkins, very good, your turn now Creevey-"

She couldn't help but laugh as Colin Creevey sent the purple cushion flying straight into Wilkins' face. "And that is why we practise with cushions," she said, summoning the cushion herself. "Try again, concentrate on your destination."

"Jacobson, look at your feet. Remember to check your stance everyone. Whilst two planted and parallel feet works well for transfiguration, for charms we are going to prefer one foot in front of the other, keeping us steady but flexible."

She looked up sharply as the babble and murmur of spells around her died down to a quiet whisper. Startled, and wondering what had made them all fall silent, she looked around, frowning.

"Oh."

"Professor Lake," he spoke through gritted teeth and she had no idea if he was putting on a stunt for the students or if he was still angry. "Might I take five minutes of your time?"

She didn't quite know how to answer and was well aware that all the students were staring at her and that cushions were no longer flying through the air. "Erm… yes, yes I suppose. Clarke and Jefferson, you're both in charge. If I see or hear anything other than cushions flying through the air, the perpetrator will be punished accordingly, do I make myself clear? Good. Carry on."

She gestured to Severus to follow her to her office. He had locked and warded the room before she had even had a chance to turn around.

She stared simply at him, waiting. She didn't even know what she felt at that moment. She wasn't angry, she wasn't annoyed, she was just waiting.

"You slept alone," he said finally, his lips barely moving and his mind as closed to her as ever.

She shrugged. "I didn't feel like being with you. You were an arsehole last night."

"Your place is in my bed," he hissed, taking a step towards her, his fists clenched.

"Our bed," she corrected him, angrily, "And my place is wherever the fuck I think it should be. I'm you wife, not your houself, and last night I did not want to sleep in the same room as the moping, frightening drunk I confronted in your office."

"I had warded my door for a reason," he hissed, his eyes flashing.

""Yes, and I unwarded it for a reason!" she snapped, her patience growing thin "He's fifteen years old!" she cried. "He's fifteen and he manages to get you in a state like that, it's not normal! You're thirty-six and acting like a child!"

"How dare you-"

"I fucking do dare," she said sharply. "If I don't then who the hell will. Look, you were hurt last night, I can understand that, but you took that hurt out on me and that's not okay. I apologise for the way I behaved, I shouldn't have hit you, it was awfully unfair, but I was scared, Severus! I was scared of you. Of the last person in the world I should ever be scared of. You cornered me and you- you pushed me against the door and- and I just wanted to run away!"

Severus took several steps backwards until his legs collided with her desk. He looked into the empty fireplace and she could see his eyes darkening.

"Look," she said, feeling exasperated. "I am in the middle of teaching, I need to get back. We'll talk about this later."

"Serena, wait, Serena, please-" she ignored the desperation in his voice and kept walking, opening the door and heading back to her classroom, feeling nothing but sadness.

She had taken a lot of time to think that previous night, lying awake on her sofa. Serena knew who she had married, she knew that she had chosen a troubled, jealous, spiteful man, wrapped up in his own darkness and self-doubt. She didn't expect the sharp comments to change or the straight-to-the-point attitude to soften. She didn't want him to alter his personality for her, this was the man she had married, and all of the good weighed out the bad. The thing with Severus was that one had to focus on his actions to get an idea of who he truly was. Every biting remark was smoothed over by a charitable act, or a selfless gesture. He would pamper her and take her to restaurants and wash her hair in the bath. His conversations interested her, his intellect matched hers, as did his magical capabilities and knowledge. He pushed her and supported her and most of all, he protected her and made her feel safe…

Until last night.

Yes, she knew it was partly her fault, perhaps she should have left him alone, allowed him to continue blundering down his path of anger and self-destruction… but she hadn't been able to leave him be. She had wanted to help him.

She would never understand Severus' relationship with Harry Potter, but what she was trying to understand was what was happening with Lily. Fucking Lily, she thought bitterly. Severus had assured her that he had pushed past it, that he was no longer infatuated by her, that he had learnt to let her go.

Serena's thoughts strayed to Kingsley. She would never stop loving Kingsley, he would always be her first love and her saviour. She was here thanks to him, but that didn't mean that she was still constantly thinking about him or wishing to be with him instead. She didn't feel the need to look at memories of him in a pensieve or relive their time together… So why did Severus?

Was this his flaw? The one flaw she would have trouble pushing past? And if so, what was her own flaw? They both had explosive personalities, she knew that. Her hand still hurt from where she had hit out at him and she hadn't even remembered doing it. She'd just seen the angry mark on his cheek and the shocked look in his eyes. Her instincts had taken over and that had scared her. It could have been her knife in her hand.

"Perkins you are not even trying," she snapped, wrenching the cushion from his hands. "Your wand movements are all off, you clearly haven't been practising. Try again and stop looking at the others."

The end of the day couldn't come quick enough, but again, for the first time, she wasn't looking forward to heading back down into the dungeons. She didn't want to face him, she didn't want to receive his anger or hear his excuses. Instead, she found herself walking through the hallway at Grimmauld Place.

She could hear movement upstairs but she headed down into the empty kitchen and poured herself a whiskey. She sighed heavily, running a hand through her hair and trying to exhale out some of her stress.

She would have to find Potter, too, of course. He couldn't go without occlumency lessons, but Severus would kill her if she brought it up again. The only option, she realised, was teaching him herself. Although she wasn't sure it would be very effective. Her skills were in occlumency, not legilimency, and breaking into Harry's mind might be complicated.

She heard Sirius laughing from upstairs and the sound caused a pang of sadness in her chest. She poured herself another drink.

A few minutes later, Remus emerged, carrying an empty baby bottle in his hand. He stopped dead when he saw her.

"What on earth are you doing here? How long have you- are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she sighed, standing up and turning towards the kitchen in the pretence of getting some ice. "I just fancied a quiet drink, that's all, the castle is quite overwhelming at the moment. How are you?"

"Hey?" Remus said softly from just behind her. She turned to meet his concerned expression and he very slowly pulled her into a gentle hug. She accepted his embrace gratefully, resting her head against his shoulder and breathing in his comforting smell. His arms enveloped her loosely and she felt a hand smooth her hair soothingly.

"I'm going to send this bottle up to Sirius, and then we'll sit down together, okay?" he said calmly, pulling back from her slowly.

"Honestly, I'm fine, I just wanted-"

"Yes, well I quite fancy a drink, too," he said softly. She watched whilst he made up a bottle of milk for Lavinia and sent it up to Sirius with one of the banishing charms she had been teaching that morning. He poured himself a small whiskey and sat down with her.

"How is Lavinia?" she asked, trying to smile.

Remus' eyes softened. "Wonderful. Just wonderful. Sirius will feed her now, she'll probably sleep for an hour and then be awake until about half eleven tonight. And then she tends to sleep quite well during the night. And she's just growing so much, I can't believe it."

Serena's smile was genuine this time. "Well, she's fallen into the right family."

"She's got a bigger family than she expected, I think," he smiled, "Max has announced that Vinny is his official little sister, and he loves giving her bottles on the weekend."

"Adorable."

"It is… now, what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," she sighed, "really, nothing extraordinary, anyway. Severus and I had a row last night and I just wanted some space."

Remus took a sip of his drink. "What was the argument about?"

She grimaced. "I don't know… he was angry about something, I was concerned, he's still caught up in his past and… anyway… I… I ended up slapping him across the face."

She was too ashamed to look at Remus but she felt his concerned gaze on her anyway. "What did he do to you, Serena?"

She looked up, surprised at the firm tone of his voice.

"What do you mean?"

"The only times I have known you to hit someone, and when I say someone, I think it's mostly been Sirius on the receiving end, there's been a good reason. So what did he do?"

She put her face in her hands and wondered how much she could tell Remus.

"This stays between us?" she asked, eyeing the kitchen door carefully.

He tilted his head to the side, "of course."

She hesitated again. "He… he scared me."

"What?"

"He scared me," she repeated. "His voice was so cold and his words really worried me, he seemed so out of control, and he'd been drinking and then, and then- he pressed me right up against the door and I just flipped out. I hit him. He let me go immediately, of course, but… I dunno… Severus has never made me feel afraid before."

Remus seemed to be doing his best to keep his face neutral but she could hear his teeth grinding together inside his mouth. She wondered if she had done the right thing. "Did he hurt you?"

"No," Serena rushed, "no, he didn't, I hurt him a lot more… he just… at first all of his anger was about the thing that had set him off in the first place, nothing to do with me, and then he just sort of… kept getting angrier and angrier and I said something to bait him, I suppose. I lashed out with my words and his response was physical. He didn't hurt me or hit me or anything, he just pushed me into the door, and with anyone else it wouldn't have been a big deal, but it just made me think of- of last year, and- and you know I can't be immobilised or forced into small places…"

"Of course I do," he said softly, "and so does Severus."

"Yes, well, he wasn't in his right mind…"

"That's not an excuse," he said firmly.

"I know that, that's why I'm here… but I don't know what I want. What do I want to make this right? Severus is a scary man sometimes, but I've never feared him myself…"

"This is serious, Serena."

"Let's not blow it out of proportion, I know he would never hurt me, he just reacted, is all."

"The cat's among the pixies now," Remus muttered, looking around the room as if hoping to find answers. "What if this happens again, but worse?"

She shook her head. "I don't think it ever will, and I don't think I could tolerate more, really, I don't… It's also partly my fault. He knew he was angry and out of control so he'd barricaded himself in his office… I should have left him there, he didn't want to see me… I'll know now for next time, I'll know not to disturb him… I just… it's the first time I just don't feel like seeing him right now."

"You can stay here tonight if you want," Remus offered. "And really, what you're feeling is completely normal. Sirius and I have had one or two big rows and sometimes I just don't even want to look at his face. I need time to process my own feelings. And then when we sit down to talk afterwards, we manage to work out the problem."

She nodded slowly. "I think I'll just stay for a bit longer and then head back… he'll get worried if he doesn't know where I am. He's still not recovered from last year either…"

Remus nodded, and they both looked towards the door as soft, baby cries got louder and louder.

"Somebody doesn't want to sleep," Sirius announced to the room, walking in with Lavinia bouncing gently in his arms. "Oh, hello darling, this is a pleasant surprise."

She stood up to kiss his cheek and peer at Lavinia whose cheeks were red and tear-stained.

"Here, let's see if Aunty Serena can calm you down."

Serena took her into her arms willingly and felt her stress and worries disappearing. "Hello baby girl, hello baby Vinny," she cooed, moving to sit down. "Causing trouble for Dad are you? That's the ticket."

"So? Have you asked her?"

"Asked me what?"

"We agreed she was going to ask her."

"We did, do you have it then?"

"Guys," she said in an exasperated tone, "is it normal I don't have a clue what you're talking about?"

Remus had fetched something from the kitchen drawer, but instead of giving it to Serena, he placed it into the pudgy grasp of baby Lavinia.

As she flapped it about in her hand, Serena saw an envelope with her name on.

She raised her eyebrows to the two men but gently took it out of the baby's clenched fist.

"Why thank you Lavinia," she crooned, sitting her on her lap so she could pull it open. She drew out a folded card of shiny silver.

"Here, you take the envelope back," she said to Lavinia who was clutching desperately at it.

She opened the silver card and read the message written inside.

Will you be my Godmother?

Love from Lavinia.

She had to look at Remus and Sirius to make sure there had been no mistake.

"Wh-what?" she stuttered, reading the message again. "But- but- are you serious?"

"I think she looks pretty serious, yeah," Sirius said, nodding to Vinny who was scrunching up the envelope.

"Me?"

"You," Remus said softly.

"But, but this is a huge responsibility, I mean, don't you think that-"

"There was no discussion," Remus said softly. "Didn't need to be. We both knew since before we had her who would be Godmother. I can't believe you're so surprised."

"So will you?" Sirius grinned at her.

She was speechless. She looked down at the beautiful girl with her soft brown curls and bright blue eyes and nodded.

"It would be an honour."

She stayed for another hour before reluctantly returning to the castle, feeling infinitely more relaxed, and with her clothes smelling of sweet baby.

She had barely lifted the disillusionment charm and shut the classroom door before Severus swept out of his quarters, his robes billowing behind him, his face etched with panic.

"Forgive me," he all but begged her, reaching out towards her and then remembering himself and stopping a few paces before her. "Serena, I am sorry, it won't happen again, I promise you. I will swear it."

"Severus-"

"I was wrong," he said desperately, his hands tearing at his hair, "I was wrong and I don't ever want you to be afraid of me, I would never hurt you, never."

"Severus, calm down-"

"I am a monster, I don't deserve you, I know I don't, but I won't lose you, please, don't leave me-"

He pleaded in such a heart-breaking tone that all she could do was go to him.

"Shh, shh, calm down, calm down, look at me Severus," she said firmly, clutching at his robes and forcing him to look at her face. "I'm not going anywhere. But we're going to sit down and talk about this, okay?"

Sometimes she forgot how foreign relationships and feelings were to him.

Severus breathed heavily through his nose and she could see him fighting his emotions behind his eyes.

"Come on," she said quietly, heading towards the kitchen. "I'll make coffee."

Severus sat straight-backed and alert at the kitchen table and she recognised how he protected himself and closed off his feelings in order to recover from his raw, emotional outburst. He had shown her his fear and had clearly misjudged the situation and now felt humiliated.

She let him process his thoughts while she busied herself making coffee, before sitting down opposite him and cocooning her warm mug between her two hands. She felt as she had over two years ago, sitting in Severus' kitchen, a strange crackling tension between them, not quite sure what to say, not knowing what he was thinking. Back then, of course, the stakes had been small. If she said the wrong thing or misread the situation she might have suffered a bit of embarrassment or a few harsh words, but now, so much more was on the table. Had Severus really been worried that she was leaving him?

"Normally, couples don't break up after one fight," she said quietly, looking up at him so that he could read the honesty and lack of judgement in her eyes. "Things got fucked up last night, and this morning didn't help… I just needed some space; I needed to breathe and think and talk it out."

"You didn't come home…" he said in a raspy voice and no matter how hard he tried to hide it, she could see his own uncertainty behind his eyes. Perhaps his parents had finished like that.

"I know," she said quietly, "And I should have sent you a message after work today, especially after everything… I'm sorry for making you worry needlessly. It won't happen again"

He brushed off her comment impatiently. "Stop apologising for nothing." His tone was a little sharper than before and when she glanced at his hands, she saw his fingers were clenching the edge of the table tightly. She took a sip of her coffee and sat back. It was unnatural and difficult for him, she knew, but he needed to talk.

"When I married you I swore to keep you safe. When I bonded with you, I swore to protect you. When you survived last year, I vowed that no harm would ever come of you ever again… and last night I was the one you flinched away from. I was the one you feared. I lashed out with my hands like your goddam father and-"

"Don't you dare compare yourself to that man," she interrupted harshly. "Don't you dare. Ever. It wasn't your hands that scared me last night, Severus, it was your words, your cold hatred, your lack of control. I didn't understand what you were feeling and what you were capable of. I know you would never intentionally hurt me, and we both acted rashly and spontaneously. You didn't hurt me, if it hadn't have been for what happened last year I would have just shoved you off and we'd have carried on yelling-"

"No," he hissed, "stop normalising my behaviour!"

"I'm not normalising it!" she cried, throwing her hands up into the air with frustration, "there's nothing fucking normal about it, you were scary and I lashed out. There's nothing normal about that and there's nothing normal about us, either! I mean look at us, how fucked up can it get. Not even we understand why we're together but nothing could possibly tear us apart again now that we are. Nothing."

Severus was on his feet and leaning over the table in a flash and when she felt his passionate rage and desire she let go of her own inhibitions and pulled him closer. His lips crashed against hers, her hands twisted into his cravat, holding him right where she needed him, their lips pounding together as he ravaged her mouth with fury. He backed her up towards the doorway but she pivoted at the last minute, slamming him against the wall and causing several books to crash to the ground as his back connected with the edge of the shelving. His hands pulled at her hair, her body pressed hard against his, she wanted to corner him, wanted to dominate him, wanted to feel his body pressed deliciously against hers. He pulled at her hair, forcing her neck to the side and she felt a thrill as he tongue penetrated her ear and swirled around completely inappropriately inside her delicate skin.

She kept her grip on his cravat and pulled his lips back to her mouth, forcing him to kiss her, restricting his oxygen, showing him she controlled it, and was rewarded with a burst of excitement from his hot skin. His hands were pulling at her clothes now, pushing her robes down over her shoulders, unclasping her bra, his touch was rough and firm but never foreign and never unyielding. She was in control, he let her know that every step of the way.

She thrust a hand into his hair and gripped a handful tightly, enjoying his grunt of painful pleasure as she pulled his head down further still and held his head to her uncovered breasts, before snatching his hands and holding them tight in hers, immobilising him for the sake of the game. He growled against her breasts, kissing and licking the tender mounds, using his teeth to pinch a nipple and then moving and dipping his tongue into her belly button crudely. His lips nipped at her neck now and came back to her ear and she felt him try to take control, pulling her around and walking her backwards through to the sombre hallway, pushing her against the wall with his hips, but keeping his chest from pinning hers, letting her breathe, letting her feel safe.

She was the one that tore his shirt from his back, buttons popping and bouncing everywhere, and pulled his bare chest against hers, her nails leaving marks across his already scarred chest, and her lips fighting for dominance with his own once again.

She pushed her trousers down and stepped out of them, pulling at his soundless belt and forcing him out of his, too. His hot member was sticking out from the sparse, black hairs between his legs, and as much as she wanted to touch him, she reminded herself who was in control. She would get her pleasure first.

She kissed him brutely again, almost biting at his bottom lip, one hand holding his head to her whilst the other squeezed his bare bum cheek hard. She felt him try to press his erection against her, and brought both her hands to his shoulders, pushing down and almost sneering at him as he folded to her will and fell to his knees in front of her. She thrust a hand into his hair but he didn't need to be guided further, his mouth latched onto her swollen lips and began their duty enthusiastically, sucking and licking and swirling her sex in an unrhythmic manner that kept her surprised and on edge. When she latched her leg over his shoulder and tightened her grip on his hair, he only attacked her more, dipping his tongue in and out of her and pulling her pelvis further forward so his finger could find her other tight little hole and tease it delectably.

When he used his other hand to push fingers inside of her the intense accumulation of contact and heat made her blow apart with pleasure and her clit throbbed against his tongue as she cursed and thanked him in a blow of whispers. She wanted to keep control, oh she wanted to keep her grip on him, but her mind had melted and her will had thawed with the lapping of his tongue, and when he stood and lifted her into the air, pressing her back against the wall and positioning his cock at her soaking entrance, all she could do was gaze into his awe-struck eyes and moan as he entered her firmly and swiftly. As he fucked her against the wall, lifting her up and down onto his cock, all they could do was gape at each other with wonder. When she fell apart around him again and his grip on her hips became almost excruciating, he spilled his hot seed inside of her and held her sweaty body to him as though she was just an extension of himself.