Chapter 63: Black, Lupin, and Snape

There was a sound from somewhere downstairs. I could see Harry's wand arm shaking slightly, and I was pretty sure he wasn't going to do it. Black seemed to notice too, and he moved, barely even an inch, but enough to make me panic.

In a moment of panic and desperation, I screamed out to whoever or whatever was in the building with us, hoping it was a teacher. I heard the footsteps pounding as whoever it was ascended. Black made a slight movement, but remained where he was, and I could see Harry battling with himself to go ahead and do it before he lost his chance.

Then the door flew open and there were red sparks everywhere as Professor Lupin barged through with his wand out and his eyes crazy. He pointed his wand right at Harry and disarmed him. To my utter astonishment, Harry's wand flew into Lupin's outstretched hand, and a moment later, so did the two I had forgotten I was holding. He moved further into the room, gripping the four wands and looking straight at Black.

My heart thudded in my chest as the knowledge that I'd kept to myself all year screamed at me in disbelief. I'd known better. Professor Snape had lectured us about the dangers of werewolves. I'd read about them in my textbook, written about them in my essay, and I'd ignored it all. I'd told myself that it was fine, that Professor Dumbledore would never have hired him if he wasn't trustworthy. But as I watched him walk over and hug Black like a brother, I felt like I was going to throw up. Once again, I'd messed up. My silence had created this scene, and we were all going to die for it.

I couldn't hold it in any longer. I was overwhelmed, exhausted, completely spent. After one of the most stressful and awful years of my life, I was now being rewarded with the worst day I'd ever lived. I felt the weight of every decision I'd ever made bearing down on me and it occurred to me just how awful my judgement was. I made terrible decisions for selfish reasons. I never worried about other people and their needs, instead just doing the thing that I thought was best for me. Every decision I'd made this year had hurt somebody, and it was the people I cared about most of all that were suffering the most.

And so I yelled. I accused Lupin, ignoring his protests because I knew what he was and I wasn't going to let him pretend anymore. I called him out on it, needing to absolve myself of the burden of being the only one with the knowledge.

For a moment, there was silence as Harry and Ron both looked at Lupin with looks of incredulity and Lupin and Black both looked at me with a shared look that I couldn't read. And then Lupin admitted it.

Ron scrambled to get up, but couldn't because of his hurt leg. Lupin took a step forward, pretending to look like he meant to help, though he probably meant to hurt Ron even more. Ron spat at him to back off and he paused, looking back to me.

He wanted to know how I knew, how long I'd known. None of it mattered. I'd known far too long and I should have said something sooner. I should have known better. I should have trusted that Professor Snape knew what he was doing in trying to reveal Lupin's true nature. We'd been wrong about him in first year. We'd thought he was working with Voldemort, but it had been Quirrell all along. And this year again, he'd only been trying to protect us by enlightening us. No wonder he disliked me so much. I may have knowledge and intelligence, but I lacked wisdom.

Lupin accused me of being the cleverest witch of my age and I felt foolish, like a fraud. I pretended to be smart, but it was a lie. Having knowledge and using knowledge were two very different things. I could memorize a textbook without a problem, but when it came to making real decisions, I chose wrong every time.

Unexpectedly, Lupin tossed our wands back to us. I almost didn't catch mine because I was caught so off guard and once it was in hand, I was still so shocked and confused that I didn't even raise it. Lupin claimed that he didn't want Harry dead, that he hadn't been helping Black. But his words meant nothing in the face of his actions today.

Now that he was armed, Harry allowed Lupin to speak. I thought it was a bad idea, but I also recognized that Harry had a lot more at stake right now that I did. He wanted answers, and this might be the only chance he had to get them.

The next few minutes were some of the most confusing minutes of my life. Everything Lupin said made sense in a twisted sort of way, but none of it made sense in a logical sort of way. But if he wasn't speaking the truth… there was so much he shouldn't be able to know. So much that there was no other explanation for.

Lupin and Black were childhood friends, along with Harry's father and Pettigrew, the man Black had supposedly killed. The four of them had created the Marauder's Map. Lupin knew all about the invisibility cloak, because it had belonged to James Potter prior to Harry taking ownership. Sirius Black was an Animagus, a big black dog that looked like the grim and had spent the year haunting Harry. And Peter Pettigrew wasn't dead at all, but was an Animagus as well, and had spent the past twelve years as Ron's pet rat.

Not in a million years would I have expected this to be the explanation we were presented with. It was crazy. For one thing, neither Peter Pettigrew nor Sirius Black were on the register of Animagi. For another thing, Pettigrew was dead. Black had killed him. There were witnesses. It was clear that both Lupin and Black were insane.

As Harry, Ron, and I poked holes in the story, Black seemingly reached the limit of his patience and he lunged at Scabbers, who was still clutched in Ron's hand. I watched in horror as Ron's face screwed up in pain when Black landed on his injured leg. I was about to race to his side when Lupin did something unexpected.

He cried at Black to stop and dragged him off of Ron, insisting that he couldn't kill Pettigrew until we understood everything. When Sirius stopped and agreed, albeit begrudgingly, I wondered very briefly if maybe they weren't as insane as I'd thought.

As they started to calmly go into more detail, I felt myself starting to believe a little bit of what they were saying. But still, I desperately needed some normalcy, some shred of common sense to cut through all this insanity.

A creak sounded from outside the door and while Ron chalked it up to the haunted nature of the shrieking shack, Lupin muttered that it was likely just the wind. He revealed that the shack was where he'd gone as a student during full moons.

Ron made a noise, as though he were about to speak, but I shushed him. Finally, we were getting somewhere and it sounded as though Lupin's story might actually have merit. I was determined to hear him out before concluding one way or another whether he was as insane as Black.

I listened carefully as Lupin described his childhood and his Hogwarts years, interrupting only when he revealed that Sirius, Peter and James had all become Animagi so that they could keep him company when he transformed, and that sometimes, they left the shack to run in the forest. At first, I judged him for breaking the rules and jeopardizing the safety of so many others, until I realized that perhaps we weren't so different. I'd been faced with choices this year too, and I'd chosen poorly. I'd chosen to break rules, risked Professor McGonagall's trust, even ignored safety. Things weren't as simple as I'd once thought.

I found myself nodding along while Professor Lupin told his story. I completely understood what he was saying when he spoke of not wanting to betray Dumbledore's trust. I had experienced the same thing with Professor McGonagall and the time turner. I'd wanted so badly not to destroy Professor McGonagall's faith in me that I'd lied to her all year about the time turner and the no-sleep spell, and when she found out the truth, I had been devastated. The disappointment had been worse than any form of yelling could have been.

Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, Professor Snape appeared. At the sight of the potions master, I screamed in shock and Black jumped up from his perch on the edge of the bed. I couldn't decide if his presence was good or bad. If he'd arrived half an hour ago, I would have been relieved. But now that I'd heard Lupin's story, I wasn't so sure. I wanted to hear the rest before I judged him.

Snape had been able to approach unnoticed by using the invisibility cloak. I silently cursed myself for forgetting about it, but then again, I had been too worried about Ron to notice something so trivial in comparison.

There was a loud noise, and suddenly there were cords shooting out of Snape's wand and curling around Lupin's mouth, wrists and ankles. He fell to the floor, unmoving, and Black lunged at Snape. Very calmly, Snape pointed his wand at Black and the hint of a smile played on his lips, like he wanted to kill him right them and there.

Everyone stood frozen for a few seconds, and then I mustered up all the courage I could and took a step forward. After hearing the first half of the story, I was curious to hear the rest. Something about the way Lupin had spoken told me that there actually might be some truth to this whole crazy scenario he and Black had cooked up. I asked Professor Snape if we shouldn't hear them out before killing them, but it was clear he had no interest in this.

His wand started shooting red sparks and I shut my mouth. His anger had reached a dangerous level. His attention turned back to Black and Lupin, though mostly Black, and I was scared. I'd never seen a Professor act this way before. Even Quirrell, who'd been working with Voldemort, had never appeared this frightening and bloodthirsty in my presence. Harry had been the one to face him in the end, I'd heard about it all second hand.

Suddenly, Harry was moving, and had blocked the only exit from the room. Irritably, Snape ordered him to move, but Harry refused. They began to argue. It wasn't right. Snape looked wrong, twisted. He wasn't our Professor anymore, but a man hungry for vengeance. I didn't doubt that he would hurt Harry if he continued to block his way, and in that moment, I judged Snape to be the biggest threat in the room.

Nobody was watching me. All the attention was on Harry and Snape. Tentatively and making sure I didn't draw any eyes doing it, I raised my wand. I pointed it at Snape.

"Expelliarmus!" I cried.