Author's note: Hang in there people, it is ABOUT TO happen… any moment now. Remember, good things come to those who wait 😉
Chapter 64 – How Could You!
Within seconds I felt and heard heavy metallic footsteps rush towards me, a deep familiar voice calling my name, ''Phoenix! Phoenix, are you alright?'' Prime's face hovered before mine, concern etched deeply on his faceplates. His large servos clasped my shoulders and gently shook me. ''Phoenix? Can you hear me?''
I looked at him, tilted my helm and blinked. I nodded slowly to indicate that I could indeed hear him. Instant relief spread across his face and he grasped my shoulders tightly for a moment. I felt myself smile. ''I'm… I'm okay Prime.. I just… that was… intense.''
Rachet had now appeared by my side and was kneeling down to examine me, ''I'll say! Your levels spiked off the charts when you threw that firewall. I've never seen readings like it before. The power….'' His voice trailed off.
Ironhide and Jazz had also come to stand nearby, both looking as concerned as Prime had been but with a touch of awe about them. ''Phoenix, are you okay?'' Ironhide's gruff voice questioned.
''Yeah lil' lady, that was – quite the display,'' Jazz was clearly impressed. ''I am so glad we went with piles of scrap.''
Prime spoke gently to me, ''Do you feel able to stand?'' He turned to Rachet, ''Is it okay for her to stand?''
Rachet nodded. ''If she feels up to it, I don't see why not. She may feel a little shaky given the huge effort she just expended but she should be fine.''
I nodded and began to move myself to stand but found a pair of strong arms wrap about my chest and move to pull me carefully to my feet. I felt myself stumble slightly as I stood up and I fell into Prime's arms. He steadied me carefully and held me, making no move to extricate himself from my grasp. ''Sorry Prime!'' I apologised quickly as I looked up into his optics, ''guess I haven't quite regained control of my gross motor functions just yet.'' I smiled weakly.
Prime simply stared down at me for a moment, ''You have nothing to apologise for Phoenix, it is to be expected after your efforts.'' He shook his helm in amazement and spoke in a whispered tone, ''incredible. You are incredible.'' He began to bring a servo up towards my face, as if to brush my cheek again but at the last moment he placed it on my shoulder as if recalling we were not alone. I almost pouted.
I heard Jazz's voice pipe up, ''Well, I guess you could say Prime, that Phoenix has fallen for you,'' and he gave a slight chuckle as he folded his arms over his chest and gave a massive grin, ''or is it the other way around?'' Rachet laughed out loud and Ironhide gave a deep chuckle.
I felt myself heat up intensely at Jazz's comment but even more so as Prime softly spoke without removing his gaze from mine, 'Indeed Jazz.'' Out of the corner of my optics I noticed Jazz, Rachet and Ironhide's expressions reflect the shock they felt at the closest thing to an admission of feelings from Prime.
I furrowed my optic ridge for a moment in confusion. /Wait! What? ''Indeed''. Is that him acknowledging his feelings or is he aware of mine?/. Prime's expression gave nothing away. I shook my helm and moved to push myself off Prime's chest and out of his grasp and he removed his servo and arm from around me, stepping back away from me to give me space though his optics never left mine.
I moved my dermas to try and say something, but nothing would come out. I did not want to protest because in truth I had fallen for him – literally and figuratively. Prime made no move to say anything further either, he seemed lost in thought or suddenly embarrassed by our ''display of affection'' before his trusted friends and soldiers. Neither of us knew what to say. It seemed as though Jazz's ''innocent'' comment had once again placed Pandora's box before us, and it sat there tantalisingly in reach, beckoning to be opened.
Thankfully Ironhide spoke up, possibly due in part to the moment beginning to create an awkward tension amongst everyone, ''Well, I guess we could call Phoenix's effort here today a success? Rachet? Prime?''
Rachet spoke first, ''Ah yeah, Ironhide, I'd say so.'' There was slight disappointment in his voice at first. ''My preliminary analysis of Phoenix's systems indicate that while her levels were off the charts, and she seemed drained of energon immediately afterwards, I think it is safe to assume that Phoenix is capable of even greater feats of strength and power. This – as impressive as it was – given more time, training and confidence in her own powers – this would just be considered ''sparkling's play''.
I turned my helm towards him then with a look of disbelief on my own face, ''Are you serious Rachet? While I did feel a tremendous amount of power coursing through me, I also felt totally wiped out afterwards. I didn't feel as though I was capable of more, at least in that moment.'' There was a dubious tone in my voice.
Prime remained silent, simply listening to the exchange between Rachet and I. ''Well yes Phoenix. Just think about what you did. Think about the fact you have never had to exert yourself like that before. Take into consideration your previous battle today with at least four other opponents for several hours and your subsequent injuries. That had an impact on your efforts here too. If you had been operating at full capacity today, I dare say the sight would have been much more amazing. Those hills behind the furthest targets would likely have been ''removed''.
I stood there for a moment considering his arguments. Coupled with the fact I could feel myself already recovering, the power flowing through me once again, like a constant river ready to be tapped, I found myself agreeing with his theory and was both amazed and frightened, several thoughts rushing through my processor, /What is the full extent of my powers? What would I ever have need of such power for? And I pray to Primus I never have to bring them to bear/.
Jazz walked over to me and reached up to give me a playful pat on the shoulder, ''See, told ya lil' lady, you'd pack a punch. You were amazing!'' He smiled warmly at me.
Prime finally spoke then stepping towards me and slightly between Jazz and I. ''Yes. Phoenix you were amazing, incredible. Though there was never any doubt from any of us I wager, that that would be the case.'' I felt myself cast my optics to the ground at the praise I was receiving. ''However,'' Prime intoned, ''as successful as today's efforts were, it also brings into play a more serious matter.'' He cast his optics around the small group of trusted warriors, advisors, friends and medics. ''The urgent need to keep Phoenix a secret from the Decepticons for as long as possible.''
He returned that penetrating gaze to me as I had once again raised my helm. ''With her power and abilities if the Decepticons were to find out about her existence they would stop at nothing to try and capture her for their own evil machinations or, destroy her to spite us and stop us from holding any sort of advantage.'' Prime's tone held anger and fear at the same time. Everyone nodded in agreeance, except me.
I spoke up, ''Well hang on Prime, while I appreciate the sentiment and motives behind your words, I am not sure I like what they imply. I have no desire to remain hidden behind locked doors, skulking around the base like some mysterious monster. That would be like trading one prison cell for another. While I am thankful for your concern for my well-being, truly I am, with all due respect Prime, I will not be kept under lock and key due to Decepticons.'' My optics had flashed dangerously as I spoke and I felt a heat rising in me again, which I fought to quell.
Prime turned to face me more directly, his servos clenching by his sides. Rachet, Ironhide and Jazz stepped back away from us slightly as the mood changed and they sensed a rising tension between Prime and I. ''Phoenix,'' Prime began with a slight edge to his voice, ''I don't think you fully understand the gravity of the situation and what the Decepticons are capable of. Yes, you have fought against some of them and you have had a glimpse of what they are able to do, but you have not had to endure their depravity and their thirst for domination and revenge for millions of years. You would be seen as a prize to claim and bend to their will or destroy!'' Prime's voice had risen as his emotions seemed to be slipping past his barriers. ''They would stop at nothing, and I mean nothing, to get to you. Do you have any idea of the carnage and death that could bring about?'' Both of his servos were clenched in tight fists.
I raised my hands to my hips equally defiant, ''Yes Prime I do have some idea, I was in Mission City that day and I lost Chase in Shanghai, so YES, I do have some fucking idea what they are…'' My voice had also risen. Rachet, Ironhide and Jazz had stepped right away to leave just the two of us facing each other in a battle of wills.
While Prime flinched when I mentioned Chase's name and a shadow of pain flashed through his optics, he was not deterred, interjecting my reply. ''NO YOU DO NOT!'' He roared. I felt myself flinch, my servos momentarily leaving my hips in shock at the anger in his voice and the waves rolling off him now. ''YOU have NO idea of what they are truly capable of, you have had a taste, a glimpse. They would hunt you down mercilessly and ceaselessly, capture you, torture you till you begged for mercy or until you took your own life. If they knew what you were capable of, they would level entire cities, continents to claim you. Millions would be killed,'' he had stepped closer to me his face twisted in pain and anger as though he had lived through this before and he was just recalling what had taken place.
A thought, like a whisper of smoke that ominously precedes a terrifying blaze, drifted through my processor /Elita 1/.
His optics fixed mine with a fiery stare, his right servo had unclenched and was now stabbing the air, accentuating every word he said, ''We could not protect you – I could not protect you. I WILL NOT LOSE YOU TO THEM TOO PHOENIX!'' His chassis was rising and falling rapidly with the emotion and anger exploding from a place deep within his spark. His face was so close to mine as he had stepped up to drive home his words. I could see the pain, the frustration and the absolute fear written in his optics and I felt the fight in me die.
His voice then dropped to a whispered so even I could barely hear it as he hung his helm in shared defeat, ''I made a vow to Chase I would watch over you and keep you safe at all costs. I cannot lose you Phoenix - I simply can't.''
I didn't know what emotion to register or act on first – shock, anger, irritation, pain, appreciation, grief or dejection.
While at Prime's outburst I had felt the fight leave me and was willing to assent to his decision for now, his comment about Chase had reignited my anger along with several other emotions I could barely process. I felt my voice equally quiet though wrapped in ice, snake out of my dermas, ''You what?'' My servos now clenched by my sides and I fought to keep the fire at bay.
Prime's frame seemed to shrink, and his shoulders slumped at the sound of the icy tone in my voice. He slowly raised his optics to mine. His voice remained a whisper, ''I made a vow to Chase that night he died, and I brought you back from the beach. I promised him I would protect you, keep you safe from harm and watch over you.'' I was shaking as a myriad of emotions assaulted me.
Prime cycled deeply and stood slowly back up to his full height as if to prepare for the renewed verbal slinging match. ''I promised him I would lay down my life for you, as he no doubt would have and that I would care for you for as long as the sun and the moon would endure''. His optics shone brightly at me as he seemed to remember the moment. His gaze did not falter as he finished speaking, ''I gave him my word as a Prime''.
My face contorted in anger and pain at the painful memory resurfacing but what honestly hurt more, what tore at my spark and began to strangle it, was the thought that Prime did not care for me at ALL! He was only performing some twisted duty to my dead fiancée and that was the real reason he spent any time around me! I raised a servo in the air as if to slap him across the helm. He did not move, prepared to receive the blow, as I started to bring my servo down towards him.
But the blow never landed. I made a loud sobbing noise and clutched at my waist before I turned to leave.
Prime's servo shot out to grab my arm and I spun on my pede and yelled at him, my words dripping in venom, ''DO NOT TOUCH ME! How dare you? How dare you make such a promise! How dare you use me…pretend to..'' His optics widened in shock and he slowly shook his helm as he released my arm as though he had been burnt.
I covered my dermas with my servo and turned on my pedes running off over the ridge, transforming and taking to the sky. I had to leave. I could not be near him at the moment lest I say something I regret. As I rose further into the sky and away from him and the others, my processor struggled to comprehend, /How can you love someone so much and yet feel such anger and resentment towards them at the same time?/. I flew towards the opposite side of the island. I needed space.
I did not turn back and so I did not see Prime fall to his knees, his friends rushing up to support him. I did not hear Prime cycle so deeply as he fought back his own sobs of pain and regret as he cried out in anguish, ''Phoenix, come back! What have I done?'' I did not know in that moment, that the great Optimus Prime, clutched at his chest as though his own spark was tearing in two as he lost the one he loved all over again.
