Warning: The following chapter contains T-rated behavioral content that surpasses the K+ rating of this story.
Mutants Universitas
"Grrr, talk about rats fleeing the sinking ship," Sabertooth spat as the Acolytes landed in an unceremonious heap. "That was the worse cruise I've ever been on."
"Only because you nearly had your overly polluted hide dunked in the ocean for a bath," Remy quipped wiggling out from the pile. "All the fish and wildlife of the North Atlantic are thankful for the reprieve."
"If only I could get a reprieve from a life sentence full of woe, pain, misery, destruction, doom and despair," Mastermind's muffled groans were heard beneath them all. "Ugh, why does everyone always have to end up landing on me?"
"Oooo, this is nice!" Pyro cooed happily while rolling around on the ground. "I never thought I'd miss non-burning grass so much. It smells so nice and green!"
"Just make sure it stays non-burned," Piotr sighed getting to his feet. He looked around and saw the Acolytes had appeared in the middle of a large courtyard enclosed by a series of long Tudor-Gothic style buildings. Several stone paths crisscrossed the courtyard while an ornate stone fountain stood in the center. "What is this place? Some kind of government complex or personal estate?"
"Na, looks more like a college campus to me," Remy commented. "One of those old, preppy ones with uniforms and honor codes."
"How would you know what a high, fancy college campus looks like?" Sabertooth sneered.
"Well, since you asked," Remy smirked. "I was set on 'acquiring' a one-of-a-kind white gold diamond necklace some congressman had gifted to his nineteen-year-old daughter. She was a law student at Yale at the time so I snuck into her all-female dorm and…"
DING-DONG! DING-DONG! DING-DONG! DING-DONG!
"Huh?" Pyro looked up at a large clock mounted on a crenellated, tower-like building bordering the courtyard. "What's going on?"
"It's a clock you idiot," Mastermind snapped picking himself off the ground. "What do you think is going on? Oh, that's right. You never think!"
"I think we better find a place to lie low and wait for the machine to cool down," Piotr suggested as the clock struck six. "Has it finished clearing up yet?"
"Just about," Mastermind glanced at a screen and watched the remaining random numbers and symbols sort out to reveal:
June 28, 1662 A.D.
Cambridge, England
"Ha! I knew it!" Remy crowed at the news. "This is one those old, fancy colleges. Well, maybe not so old now…"
"Ya know, I used to toy with the idea of going to uni," Pyro said standing up. "Thought about double majoring in Pyrology and Gothic Literature but decided hey, why bother? I can study both on my own and make a heck of a lot more money in the private sector!"
"That is one way to put it," Piotr groaned.
"I always wanted to go to college too," Mastermind sighed wistfully gazing around the thick, manicured courtyard. "Attending the hallowed halls of academia and being awarded top scholastic degrees was my secret, long-desired dream. Or at least it was until all those snooty, self-absorbed snobs slammed their ivory tower doors in my face and blocked my path toward personal academic achievement!"
"Eh, some things never change," Remy noted.
"Well, I'm gonna go achieve my long-desired dream," Sabertooth growled stomping off away from the setting sun. "By finding the campus bar and getting a decent beer!"
"See what I mean?" Remy quipped.
"How do you know there is a bar around here?" Piotr asked Sabertooth.
"This is a college, duh!" Sabertooth snapped over his shoulder. "Of course it has a bar!"
"Yay! Let's go!" Pyro cheered skipping after him. "I wanna a big o' mug of steaming hot chocolate!"
"How could you want a hot drink on a bright, sunny day like this?" Piotr stared at him in surprise.
"Simple, mate," Pyro smiled back. "Every day is a good day for hot chocolate!"
"For once Pyro has the right idea," Mastermind shivered as he, Remy and Piotr followed after their teammates. "After nearly freezing to death inside a meteor and drowning in the frigid North Atlantic I could use a hot toddy."
"Hmmm, nice place," Remy commented as the mutants entered a modest, crowded pub. "Except for the complete and utter lack of femmes."
"I just want a complete and utter lack of trouble during this jump," Piotr sighed as the Acolytes sat down at one of the few unoccupied tables. "So no starting a fist fight or setting the place on fire."
"Awww, you're no fun," Pyro pouted.
"Greetings," A short, thin young man dressed as a waiter noticed their arrival. He had dark eyes, long light brown hair and appeared to be about nineteen years old. "May I help you?"
"You bet, kid," Sabertooth growled. "Get me a beer."
"I do not gamble, sir. Nor am I a young goat," The man spoke in a soft monotone. "My name is Isaac."
"I don't care if you're the king of England," Sabertooth snapped. "Get me a beer and make it snappy!"
"Beer does not snap, sir," Isaac tilted his head to the side. "Though it can emit bubbles from time to time."
"Then make it bubbly," Sabertooth rolled his eyes. "And cold!"
"Yes sir," Isaac turned toward the other Acolytes. "Anything else?"
"I'll have a hot toddy," Mastermind ordered. "On second thought, make it a double!"
"What is a toddy?" Isaac asked curiously.
"Obviously something that hasn't been invented yet," Mastermind muttered to himself. "Get me a glass of hot brandy with a spoonful of honey and lemon juice mixed in."
"I want a hot chocolate!" Pyro chirped.
"Coffee for me," Remy ordered. "Nice and strong."
"I guess I will have a mulled cider," Piotr sighed. "Please."
"Yes sirs," Isaac left quietly and soon returned with their drinks. "Here you are."
"Thanks, kid," Sabertooth grunted and gulped his beer. "Ahhh, about time I had a decent drink!"
"Yeah, you've been dry for a few hours at least," Remy quipped tasting his coffee. "Whoa, that's strong!"
"I'll say!" Pyro slurped his hot chocolate which had a near syrup-like consistency. "It's even been spiced with chilies too! Kinda oily though."
"Ohhh, that's good," Mastermind purred sipping his hot toddy. "My stomach and other organs had practically turned to ice."
"You gentlemen must be very wealthy to afford such rare, expensive drinks," Isaac commented. "That will be six schillings."
Sabertooth casually crushed his empty pewter beer mug with one hand. "How much was that again?"
"Six schillings," A nonplussed Isaac repeated.
"Uh, just put it on our tab for now," Remy intervened smoothly. "We'll probably order some more stuff later."
"Very well, sir. I will return to check on you shortly," Isaac turned and left.
"Don't be long, kid," Sabertooth grunted tossing his crushed mug over his shoulder. "And get me another beer!"
"Oh dear," Piotr groaned at his teammate's behavior. "Do you always have to try and get us free drinks?"
"Whaddya expect me to do, Russian? Hand over a modern sawbuck and tell 'em to keep the change?" Sabertooth grunted. "They'd call the local cops on us for trying to stiff the bill. Though I could go for a good fight right about now…"
"Uh, never mind," Piotr gulped reaching for his cider.
"Yeah, we won't have a bill if Sabes 'persuades' the owner to give us drinks for free," Remy smirked. "Besides, do you have any form of currency the locals would accept?"
"Well, no," Piotr admitted. "But you still should not attempt to intimidate the waiter into paying for us. He probably does not make much money."
"I am not a waiter. I am a student," Isaac corrected as he brought Sabertooth his second beer. "I only work as a sizar in order to help pay for my studies."
"Good for you, mate," Pyro raised his glass in approval. "You should try and get paid without the work."
"Why doesn't he hope for getting tenure, knighthood and made Warden of the Royal Mint while he's at it?" Mastermind drawled mockingly. "Like any of that will ever happen."
"Don't worry, homme. We'll settle our tab with the pub's owner later," Remy assured Piotr as Isaac left to attend to other patrons. "Whoever ends up paying for drinks, it sure the heck won't be us!"
"Not monetarily anyway. Mentally however," Piotr sighed taking another sip of cider. "Whatever happens, let us at least try not to attract too much attention to ourselves."
Ten minutes later…
"WAHOOOOOO!" Pyro cackled happily holding a mug of hot chocolate in each hand while dancing on a table.
"YEAH!" A crowd of college students cheered and clustered around several patrons who had gotten into a drinking contest with Sabertooth. "DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!"
"Full house, hommes," Remy sat at a table playing cards with some of the wealthiest students. "Read 'em and weep!"
"Ahhh! Not again!" The formerly fancily-dressed students had been reduced to playing in their undergarments. "One more hand! Just one more hand!"
"Hey look! I just invented another drink!" A slightly inebriated Mastermind smiled behind the pub's bar while acting as a mixologist. "Hot buttered rum! Yummy!"
"I should have known," Piotr groaned holding his head in his hands. "When will I ever learn to keep my big mouth shut?"
"Lalalalala!" Pyro giggled and played with the many candles that had been lit and brought out.
"Oooo!" Several drunken patrons marveled as a swarm of flaming butterflies and hummingbirds filled the air. "Pretty!"
"Yay! Fireworks!" Mastermind slurred raising a mug in salute. "This calls for another drink!"
"WAAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!" The pub's poor proprietor fled out the back door in terror.
"Be careful!" Piotr shouted while ducking the flock of flying fire creatures. "The last thing we need is for you to burn yet another bar to the ground!"
"Excuse me, sir," An unperturbed Isaac appeared next to him. "Would you like more cider?"
"I would like a moment of silence for my long departed sanity," Piotr moaned glancing at him. "Aren't you bothered by all this?"
"Not particularly, sir. I have seen far worse things happen during exam week," Isaac said while watching Pyro's fire show. "Though I must admit, the optical feats of nature are far more interesting this time."
"Ha! I win again!" Sabertooth roared in triumph having beaten his competitors at draining an entire beer barrel. "Let's try drinking two barrels each this time!"
"Stop that!" Piotr yelled. "Most of these students are quite young! They should not be drinking to excess!"
"Do not worry, sir. Those are not students," Isaac informed him. "They are all senior members of the faculty."
"HEHEHEHEHE!" A trio of figures dashed by wearing nothing but blue body paint and their smiles. "WE ARE THE FAIRIES THREE!"
"Those are students," Isaac pointed out.
"Oh no! I did not need to see that!" Piotr blanched covering his face. "Ahhh, my eyes!"
"Tough luck, hommes. Next time bring enough cash to cover your bets," Remy smirked raking his winnings into his pockets. "Hey, nice lion-headed ring!"
"Aggghhh! This is intolerable! The French-speaking stranger must have cheated!" The group of undressed card players hurled their leftover meals at Remy. "Get him!"
"FOOD FIGHT!" Pyro howled skipping from table to table while kicking bowls and plates like footballs.
"Look out!" Piotr ducked as food and tableware flew through the air. "Get down!"
"Gee, looks like it's dancing time again" Mastermind hiccupped tossing back another drink. "Hot toddies and buttered rum for everybody! On second thought, hot toddies and buttered rum for me!"
"Ow!" Isaac yelped as an unripe, half-eaten apple struck him on the head.
"C'mon hommes! Don't be such sore losers! Real gamblers never resort to using force!" Remy said while sheltering behind an overturned table. "Show a little gravity befit of your so-called social stations!"
"Force? Gravity?" Isaac blinked rubbing his head. "Hmmm, that is not a bad idea…"
"Hey, fellows!" One vocally endowed student called out. "Let's go over to St. John's and toss their entire bowling team in the River Cam!"
"YEAH! YAHOO! LET'S DO IT!" A mob of drunken students and faculty alike cheered and rushed out of the pub. "DOWN WITH ST. JOHN'S! TRINITY COLLEGE FOREVER!"
"You guys raiding another school?" Sabertooth looked up while wearing a beer foam mustache. "Wait for me!"
"Ugggh, I do not feel so good," Several bloated, lingering drinking contestants moaned clutching their stomachs.
"Hmmm, looks like we are about to witness an example of what I informally refer to as the Law of Bodily Motion," Isaac warned signaling Piotr to step back. "What goes in, must come out."
"BLLLEEEAAAHHHHHH!"
"Yuck, that is disgusting!" Piotr recoiled.
"Man, and I thought the London Beer Flood was bad," Remy winced. "Still, it's better than having it come out the other end."
"Agggh! Gross! It's in my hair! Aiiieeeeee!" Mastermind shrieked.
"Wheeeeeeeee! Hahahahaha!" Pyro laughed while downing his mugs of hot chocolate. "Now this is what I call a well-rounded, uni education!"
"I can't stand it," Piotr moaned as the Acolytes arrived in the next time period. "Why must we cause trouble every time we go to a bar?"
"Whaddya talking about, mate? That was fun!" Pyro giggled. "We showed those stuffed uni blokes a bloody ripper of a time!"
"I hope none of them end up doing time," Piotr groaned. "There has been enough of that already."
"Look at the bright side, homme. At least we didn't get into a fight," Remy smirked patting his pockets.
"Not with fists anyway," A sobered Mastermind groaned wiping an amorphous blob of food from his face. "Ew, yuck!"
"Too bad. I coulda used a good brawl," Sabertooth grunted in disappointment. "That raid on those kids' rival school was a bust."
"Speaking of busts, check these out," Remy indicated an assortment of small stone sculptures sitting on a cluttered writing desk. The Acolytes had appeared inside a small, well-furnished windowless office. Shelves loaded with books and artifacts lined the room while an impressive collection of faded, framed maps covered the walls. "It's like a mini-library or museum in here."
"Wherever here is," Piotr looked at Mastermind expectantly.
"Yeah, yeah. I know," Mastermind grumbled checking the machine which showed:
April 6, 1957 A.D.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
"Hold on a second. We were just at Cambridge," Remy did a take. "Are you sure that thing is showing the right info?"
"Yes, I'm sure," Mastermind said tapping the machine. "It's all done clearing up."
"Gee, what a coinkydink," Pyro chirped at the news. "Hitting two cities in a row with the same name."
"Yeah, they're only separated by three hundred or so years and around ninety degrees of longitude," Mastermind drawled. "More or less."
"You must admit it is a remarkable coincidence," Piotr said glancing around. "We might even be on the grounds of another college campus too."
"Great. Let's hit this campus' bar and see how they compare," Sabertooth growled reaching for the door only for it to open first.
"Ah, if only these papers would grade themselves. Looks like another late night for me," A thin, middle-aged man entered the room carrying a stack of files and folders. "Oh, hello. I'm Professor Melvin Quist. Can I help you?"
"Well…uh…that is…um," Piotr stuttered.
"Ah, you must be the visiting History professors from Stanford," The man set the pile of papers on the desk and peered at the mutants through his spectacles. "I must say you scholars on the West Coast sure live up to your eccentric reputations. You certainly revel in your roles of living history. Some of you fashion choices appear incredibly authentic."
"You have no idea," Remy quipped.
"I must admit, I wasn't expecting you gentlemen so soon. My formal presentation is not yet complete," Quist said apologetically. "But since you're here, I might as well show you what I have."
"Uh, that is okay," Piotr gulped and attempted to brush him off. "We would not want to bother you."
"Oh, it's no bother. My latest research project is really quite exciting!" Quist smiled retrieving a thick, compact notebook. "I am on the trail of a mysterious group of bizarre figures who have seemingly appeared and vanished at random times and locations throughout world history!"
"That's nice," Mastermind muttered heading for the door. "But we're not really interested in that kind of…wait, what?!"
"See? I've compiled and cataloged every one of their recorded appearances," Quist animatedly showed them his research. "Old commentaries, vague hieroglyphs, lost narratives, forgotten sketches, painting fragments, obscure folk tales. The numbers and descriptions of the individuals vary from time to time, but the general similarities are too close to be ignored."
"You do not say," Piotr gulped nervously.
"I do say!" Quist beamed passionately. "Just look here! This piece of Classical Greek pottery depicts a figure who is seeming able to command and direct fire. And these eroded Mesoamerican pictographs appear to show the exact same person!"
"Really?" Pyro's eyes lit up in pride. "That's great! I'm famou…mmmppphhh!" He yelped as Piotr quickly covered his mouth.
"Sorry, what did you say?" Quist glanced at Pyro.
"Er, he said he is fascinated by your impressive research," Remy covered quickly as Pyro squirmed in Piotr's grip. "Please continue."
"Glady!" Quist shrugged and turned back to his notebook. "Here is another frequently depicted figure. Multiple ambiguous writings from civilizations as distant as Rome, India and Japan describe a common animal-like individual with sharp teeth and berserker strength."
"Huh, how about that," Sabertooth looked very smug. "Glad to see some writers finally managed to get their facts straight."
"The individual in question is often stated has having flowing clothes, sharp nails and long blonde hair," Quist went on. "This leads many ancient scholars along with myself to speculate that this particular figure was a woman."
"WHAT?!" Sabertooth screamed.
"Looks like you were right, Sabes," Remy smirked as the rest of the Acolytes proceeded to laugh their heads off. "Those ancient eggheads did get their facts straight!"
"I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!" Sabertooth howled with murder in his eyes. "I'LL KILL 'EM! I'LL KILL 'EM!"
"It is a little late for that," Piotr snickered while continuing to restrain Pyro.
"A short simian-faced man, a giant wearing impenetrable armor, a staff-wielding figure who could make things explode," An absorbed Quist went on completely oblivious to Sabertooth's continued howls of indignation. "All of them appearing again and again across thousands of miles and millennia of time right through the twentieth century! Such a trove of interconnected historical manifestations truly boggles the mind!"
"That's one way to put it," Remy quipped.
"I did notice one other common thread," Quist noted. "The figures' appearances were often accompanied by a period of great local disorder and descriptions of complete and utter chaos!"
"Gee, what a surprise," Mastermind deadpanned.
"Um, does anyone else know about your research?" Piotr asked nervously. "Have you made any of the findings public?"
"Oh no. This is my life's work. I've kept it a close secret until now," Quist assured him. "Many of the original documents and images I have collected were lost, looted or destroyed over the years. I was very fortunate to have found and acquired the last existing copies."
"Really?" Remy gave his teammates a knowing look. "That makes things a lot easier."
"It sure does," Quist nodded. "It means I need not fear anyone else duplicating my research until I am ready to reveal it to the world! Which is precisely what I plan to do at my presentation next week."
"If you survive till next week," Sabertooth hissed dangerously.
"All these sightings must mean something," Quist mused paging through his notebook. "Perhaps these figures were true immortals or extraterrestrial visitors or even a team of futuristic time travel…"
CRASH! WHAM! BOOM! SPLASH!
"Ahhh! What was that?" Quist looked up in surprise.
"Uh oh," Piotr gulped. "Do you smell something burning?"
"It wasn't me!" Pyro managed to ungag himself. "Unfortunately."
"Eh, can't tell," Sabertooth growled calming down. "I snorted an entire mug of beer up my nose during the drinking contest. Can't smell a thing."
"If only we didn't have to smell you," Mastermind muttered.
"Hey, maybe you should go check it out," Remy seized the opportunity to haul Quist to his feet and prod him towards the door. "You are a professor after all."
"Me? Why me?" Quist blinked. "I could just call campus security…"
"C'mon, man. You're part of the faculty here, aren't ya?" Remy asked while slipping Quist's compact research notebook into his trench coat. "A struggling history student might need your help. Go out there and investigate!"
"Well, I suppose I should," Quist admitted passing through a reception area and exiting the building. "But I'm sure it is nothing I need to involve myself with…oh my!"
"HELLLOOOOOO HARVARD!" A young man wielding an electric megaphone strode among a collection of lit fire pits scattered around the quad. He wore a white t-shirt, dark blue jeans, red leather jacket, a mop of dirty blonde hair swept back in a pompadour and appeared to be in his late teens. A small crowd of students had already gathered around him. "LET'S ROCK AND ROLL!"
"Huh?" Mastermind gawked as 'Tutti Frutti' began to blare out from an ad hoc combination of radios, record players and loudspeakers. "What the heck is this?"
"Looks like it's the start of a music concert or something," Pyro chirped as several fireworks roared off into the dark sky which quickly attracted the attention of more passing students and faculty. "Neat!"
"C'mon people! Let's get this party started!" The young blonde man beamed as several large trucks drove onto the lawn and began unloading mountains worth of food. "We have pizza! Burgers! Bratwurst! Barbecue! Banana splits! Beer!"
"Beer?" Sabertooth blinked. "Let me at it!"
"Eh, no sense in passing up a free meal," Remy shrugged swiping a burger. "We did have a pretty light lunch and there wasn't anything worth eating at the pub."
"Oh, why not?" Mastermind gave in as a mob of hungry students eagerly descended on the food. "This is the closest I'll ever get to having a real, authentic college experience. Might as well go ahead and enjoy it."
"What do you people think you are doing? Stop this at once! Who authorized this…aaahhhhhh!" Quist yelped as he was swept up in the throng.
"Oh dear," Piotr sighed as many of the students paired off and began dancing up a storm. "This is not what I expected university life to be like. I though people were supposed to actually work and study when they went to college."
"Are you kidding?" Sabertooth snorted drinking from two beer kegs at once. "And I thought Pyro was delusional."
"Alright! Yeah! Wohoo! Yay!" Pyro happily skipped around with his arms loaded with rib racks. "Stand aside, mates! I'll show ya all how to have a real barbie!"
"Ahhh! Watch it!" Piotr warned as Pyro used a nearby fire pit to expertly sear his ribs. "We do not want the entire campus to go up in flames!"
"Don't worry, homme. There are plenty of fire hoses around just in case," Remy pointed them out as the music switched to an Elvis Presley hit. "See all the people using them in a water fight? Guess whoever organized this little party knew what they were doing."
"I hope so," Piotr sighed nibbling on a bratwurst while watching the young blonde man attempt to sing along with the music. "That boy must be far smarter and resourceful than he looks. I wonder who he is?"
"CHARLES YOU IDIOT!" A tall, thin student stormed onto the quad making a beeline for the young blonde man. He wore a light-colored polo shirt, khaki chinco pants, a ponytail of unusually white hair and appeared to be his early twenties. "CALL THIS INANE, CHILDISH DISPLAY OFF AND GET BACK TO THE DORM!"
"Aw, lighten up, Erik," A young Charles Xavier smiled at his friend and roommate cheekily. "Don't be such a downer. You gotta learn to loosen up and have some fun!"
"You'll be doing a lot less learning once the pair of us are expelled!" Erik snapped. "What the blue blazes possessed you to throw this impromptu demonstration of conspicuous stupidity?"
"I was bored," Charles shrugged. "It's been a long week and I didn't have any dates lined up this weekend, so I decided to organize a little entertainment!"
"How about arranging your funeral? I'd find that very entertaining!" Erik berated his younger roommate. "After tonight the dean is going to blackball us from every college and university on the Eastern Seaboard!"
"Don't worry, Erik. I'll find a way to keep us off the dean's naughty list," Charles waved. "And if we do get kicked out, I can always finish my degree by founding and funding my own school."
"Yeah right. Like that could ever happen," Erik rolled his eyes. "At this rate I'll be lucky to graduate by the time I'm thirty. Forty if I have to spend yet another memorable night caring for your sorry, passed out, disjointed form in jail!"
"I promise you won't have to do that this time," Charles assured as the music switched to Chuck Berry. "Not after I bribed…er, I mean convinced the cops to overlook any disorderly behavior by inviting them to the party! And making a little donation to the college to cover the inevitable damages…"
"Again?" Erik gave him a look. "You can't always buy your way out of trouble, Charles. Who do you think you are, a politician?"
"Of course not. I still have some morals and degree of self-control," Charles huffed. "Hey, the super mumbo jumbo water slides have arrived! Let me at 'em, baby!"
"WHAT?! AGGGHHH, CHARLES COME BACK HERE!" Erik screamed as Charles quickly slipped away into the crowd. "You can't run away from me! This college-ending train wreck in-being is all your fault! You have to put a stop to it…ooofff!"
"Outta the way, punk," Sabertooth brusquely shoved Erik from behind. "You're blocking the way to the beer!"
"Wheeeeee! Grilled ribs for everybody!" Pyro giggled unknowingly knocking Erik over. "Who wants a nice, hot plate of freshly barbecued ice cream?"
"Oops, sorry homme," Remy casually helped Erik back to his feet. "Hey, I think you lost your wallet."
"Huh? I'm not carrying a wallet," Erik gasped as Remy easily moved on to find another victim. "Hey, who took my watch?"
"Please do not encourage this!" Piotr attempted to restrain his wayward teammates while struggling through the mass of boisterous, partying college students. "Someone could get hurt!"
"Finally, a sane voice in this calamity of madness," Erik grumbled clasping Piotr on the shoulder. "Nice to see someone else trying to be the voice of reason in this chaos."
"Um, thank you. You too," Piotr blinked, clearly not recognizing the young, future Magneto. "I appreciate your efforts to be calm and responsible too."
"Trust me, it's not easy," Erik groaned as the two of them attempted to make their way through the constantly growing throng. "You have no idea what it is like having to put up with a crazy, impulsive man-child of a friend with absolutely zero self-control."
"Want to bet?" Piotr moaned.
"I must admit, there is a part of me that just wants to give in, live in the moment, enjoy myself and cut loose," Erik sighed. "But someone needs to keep a clear, level head around here."
Ten minutes later…
"YAAAHHHOOOOOOOOO!" A drunken Erik giggled while boogieing at the head of a snake dance of students. "PARTY ON, PEOPLE! YEAH!"
"Wheeeeeeeee!" Charles cried happily zipping down a three-story tall water slide.
SPLOOOSSSHHH!
"Yayayayaya!" A mob of students stormed by having an all-out shaving cream fight.
"Bombs away!" A torrent of water balloons and toilet paper rolls flew through the air like mad.
"So much for not being the only level-headed one around here," Piotr groaned. "Well, it was nice while it lasted."
"Coming through!" A mob of giddy, intoxicated faculty members whizzed by on roller skates.
"YAGGGH! HELP ME!" A very pale and sober Quist wailed in terror. "AAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!"
"WAAAHOOOOOO!" Pyro hooted lighting a series of makeshift tiki torches while quaffing from a giant root beer float. "COME ON, MATES! IT'S LIMBO TIME!"
"YEAH!" A crowd of college students cheered and clustered around a group who had gotten into yet another drinking contest with Sabertooth. "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"
"Hey, guys!" A very tipsy Erik called out using the electric megaphone. "Let's go over to MIT and toss their entire football team into the River Charles!"
"YEAH! YAHOO! LET'S DO IT!" A mob of drunken students and faculty cheered and rushed out of the quad. "DOWN WITH MIT! HARVARD PILGRIMS FOREVER!"
"Oh no," Piotr moaned. "And I thought history was paralleling itself before! At least no truly great minds are likely to have been caught up in either of these educational instances."
"Aw, forget MIT!" A soaking wet Charles waved and pointed at a particular part of the campus. "Let's stage a panty raid on the sorority girls' dorms!"
"Now you're talking!" Remy grinned as he and Charles emerged at the head of an even larger crowd of students. "CHARGE!"
"What? No!" Piotr gasped as the entirely male mob stormed off. "Stop! You can not go and harass a building full of poor, innocent girls!"
"HAHAHAHAHA!" A swarm of female students roared by holding up dozens of pairs of men's underwear and boxer shorts. "THAT'S IT, LADIES! DON'T GIVE UP THE GOODS!"
"AAACCCKKKKK! COME BACK HERE!" Several red-faced male students ran after them covered in nothing but towels, tights and in a few cases thorn bushes. "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TREAT MEMBERS OF THE GYMNASTICS TEAM LIKE THIS! OW!"
"On the other hand," Piotr blinked. "I suppose those girls will be able to take care of themselves."
ZZZAAAPPPPPP!
"AAAHHHHHH! LOOK OUT! OUTTA THE WAY! RUN!" The mob of would-be panty raiders fled back across the quad in terror.
"Bring forth the prisoner!" One loud, maniacal female voice cackled evilly. "I've been itching to try out my experimental electrolysis machine!"
"AGGGHHH! LET ME GO! HEY, WATCH THE HANDS!" Charles' wails of horror were heard at every corner of the campus. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME! STOP! GAHHH! ANYTHING BUT THAT! HELP! ERIK, SAVE ME! NOOOOOOOOO!"
ZZZAAAPPPPPP!
"Yikes!" Piotr blanched and quickly walked away. "And to think I was worried about the girls' safety. That boy has no one to blame but himself." Piotr winced at Charles' high-pitched screams. "Though come to think of it, his voice does sound kind of familiar…"
"Hehehehehe!" Pyro giggled manning a trio of fire pits. "I love the smell of grilled, ice cream pizza in the evening!"
"Ahhh, that's good stuff!" Sabertooth beamed polishing off another beer keg while smacking his lips. "Hey, a brandy barrel! Alright!"
"Yay! Bring it on!" Mastermind sloshed and danced around happily. "College free is the life for me!"
"WAAAGGGHHHHHH! THIS IS INSANE!" Quist cried still in the drunken roller skaters' clutches. "I KNEW SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THAT JOB AT THE ART MUSEUM! AAAIIIEEEEEEEEE!"
"Man, looks like those hordes of university recruiters were right," Remy smirked as he helped himself to soap and undergarments located inside one of the women's upper dormitories while its occupants were busy below with Charles. "College really is a once-in-a-lifetime experience!"
Historical note: Sir Isaac Newton was an English physicist, mathematician astronomer, theologian, and author and is widely considered one of the greatest, most influential scientists of all time. He was a key figure during the Scientific Revolution and is best known for his study and development of Optics, Newtonian Mechanics, his Three Laws of Motion, his Law of Universal Gravitation, the invention of Calculus and his work "Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica" (commonly referred to as the Principa). Newton was later appointed Warden of the Royal Mint in 1696 A.D. and held the position until his death in 1727 A.D.
