Pehea wau i ʻike ai i kou makuahine

Based on the characters and stories of Hawaii Five-0.

Hawaii Five-0 is owned by CBS and their respective creators.


Catherine walked down the hallways of Langley. Her sensible flats barely made a sound as she padded into the briefing room.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

She felt Jude nearly run into her as she froze in the doorway.

"Lieutenant Rollins." The devil smiled, "It's good to see you. I have to say, I'm glad we finally get to work together. Especially after everything I've heard about you over the years." Her hand trailed along the conference table as she walked around to stand in front of Catherine, sulfur and ash leaked out of her fingertips, "Afghanistan was an unfortunate situation, but I've always been willing to do whatever it takes to get the best people to work for us."

Catherine held her head high and looked the devil dead in the eyes, "Agent Greer."

Sienna Greer's smile made the Wicked Witch of the West look like Dorothy. Her eyes trailed upwards to Jude, "Agent Beckett. Nice to see you again."

"Maleficent." Jude retorted without a hint of sarcasm.

His sudden icy tone sent shivers down Catherine's spine. In all the years she had known him, Jude had never once been that cold to anyone. She felt his hand press against the small of her back. Whether it was out of affection or protectiveness, she didn't argue it. Catherine sidestepped Greer and took a seat at the conference table with Jude settling in beside her. She leaned over and whispered, "You know her?"

"Talk later." He hissed. Decker and Caroline filtered in and shared knowing looks with Jude. A wave of uneasiness and anger hit her like a tsunami. As if he read her mind, Jude slipped his hand under the table and rested it on her thigh. His breath was warm on her neck as he leaned over and murmured, "Just focus. Don't let her see you crack."

Focusing was easier said than done. The woman who had been chipping away at her relationship with Steve for so long was standing ten feet away talking about assets and combatants. The woman who had played mind games and planted those damn seeds of doubt was going over satellite reconnaissance photos.

It had been Greer, Catherine realized. She was the one that Coen was all too happy to answer to. She was the suit who flagged her when they ran her name. She was the one who had ripped her life apart in the most painful way possible.

Greer hadn't just hurt Catherine. She could live with being hurt. But to hurt someone she loved? Greer would have hell to pay.

Catherine wasn't naturally a vengeful person, but if given the chance, she would take her out without a second of hesitation.


The briefing ended and Catherine had never felt so unprepared for an assignment in her life. There was no way she could have focused on op preparation when every object in the room called out with a siren song, begging to be used to make Greer suffer.

After Cuba, a switch had been flipped inside of Catherine. Her hands trembled on their own accord. Phantom sensations zipped through her fingers. She was capable of saving, of healing. But she was also capable of inflicting pains worse than death. She could make Greer suffer. The CIA had gifted her with those skills. If she got the opportunity to use those skills on Greer, Catherine would feel no remorse.

"My house is the other way." Catherine protested as Jude pulled the truck onto the highway. "Why are we going to the cabin?"

"Op briefing." He snapped. Jude was on edge. Greer had that effect on people. She would lure you in with that soothing voice and blinding smile, and before you knew it, she had you in her web.

Catherine looked in the side mirror and saw Decker's Jeep following Jude from a safe distance. Caroline's coupe was three cars ahead. "What's going on, Jude?"

His knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel, "It was Greer."

"She was the one Coen was answering to."

"Yeah." He studied the rearview mirror, checking for any signs of a tail, "I had a hunch. Decker and Caroline had been looking into it since you got put in the house in Kabul, but Greer confirmed it today."

Her hands burned with the desire to inflict pain. Nothing would ever feel as good as putting Greer through a little enhanced interrogation.

Jude looked over at her with concern, "Where's your head at, Princess?"

She clenched her fists and relaxed them again, trying her best to make the sensation pass, "On the op." She lied through gritted teeth.

"You're doing it again."

"What?"

He raised a finger off the steering wheel and pointed at her hands, "That thing with your hands. You make a fist and then wiggle your fingers like you're trying to get better circulation."

Catherine shrugged, "Old habit." She fibbed.


The briefing happened in two parts. The first being the actual assignment briefing that they were supposed to have paid attention to at Langley. Truthfully, none of them had been able to focus on anything that Greer said, so Caroline took it upon herself to re-inform them about the upcoming op.

The second part being how they planned to take down Greer.

"It's not gonna be easy." Decker pressed his palms against Jude's kitchen table, "She's not actually on this assignment. She's just handing it off to us."

"What do you mean?" Catherine's head tilted as she flipped through the parts of Greer's file that Caroline had managed to get her hands on.

"A while ago, she put her name in for a promotion to lead the agency's Pacific rim operations. Particularly, Asia. She got it, so she's not going to be anywhere near us." Jude reached over and thumbed through a file until he found the page he was looking for, "Here. She'll probably move out to the blacksite in Thailand. It's more strategic than staying on a military base in Japan or South Korea. Easier access to get across the border to China on the ground and a quick flight to Jakarta or the Philippines if the political climate shifts."

Catherine pushed away from the table and began to pace back and forth, "So she's going to be in Thailand and we're going to Saudi Arabia. We can't do anything. And she hasn't actually done anything wrong… By CIA standards at least."

Caroline pulled her raucous curls back into a bun, "We can't do anything right now." She clarified, "But I've got contacts in the Asia circuit. They'll give us eyes and ears on what she's up to."

"Yeah, but we're gonna need something damning. We all push the rules all the time." Decker argued, "That's literally what our job is."

Catherine nodded, "He's got a point."

Jude put a protective hand on Catherine's back, "I've been keeping an eye on her for a while. Reading her action reports. More often than not, she's pushing the limits, even by our standards. She'll get sloppy. We just need proof when it happens."


"Here you go." Jude offered her a mug and joined her on the couch. "Where's your head at, Princess?"

"You've already asked me that today." She retorted before blowing on the surface of the steaming tea to cool it down. "I'm fine."

"No you're not."

Catherine took a sip of the hot tea and tucked her feet underneath her. Decker and Caroline had left the cabin after a thorough recap of their more pressing assignment and in true Jude fashion, he had convinced her to stay. "Why have you been looking into Greer for so long?"

"Because I wanted to know who did this to you." He answered matter-of-factly. "So did Deck and Marshall." A satisfied smirk crossed his mouth as he added on, "After they realized you weren't a total bitch and caught wind of what actually happened in Afghanistan, they started keeping tabs on a few people."

"Who?"

"Coen, Greer, Senator Taylor, a few of the higher ups."

Catherine snorted, "You actually thought Donovan was involved in blackmailing me into The Company?"

Jude grinned, "We figured out he was a dumbass pretty quick. He's a douchebag, not an evil mastermind. He'd actually have to think about someone other than himself to pull off a blackmail scheme."

Her finger trailed around the rim of the mug, "You and Greer seemed like you had some history."

"What tipped you off?"

"The fact that you called her Maleficent to her face." Her voice softened, "And I've never actually heard you be that harsh with someone."

Jude took her mug out of her hands and set it on the floor. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her into his arms, her back against his chest. "She's manipulative. When she sets her eyes on something, she'll do whatever it takes to get it. Back when I was still in the Marines she wrecked a buddy of mine's career. I didn't like her before they got involved and hated her even more after she screwed him over."

"Perfect CIA material." Catherine grumbled.

He wrapped his arms around her and leaned back against the armrest, "How'd you get in her crosshairs?"

"Steve." Catherine rested the back of her head against his chest and closed her eyes, "They had a fling before he and I finally got together. I was seeing someone else at the time and from what I heard, she wanted more and he ghosted her. The first time she and I met, I was at the Pentagon for a briefing and she came at me with some bullshit about how he'd never commit to me and settle down."

"A woman scorned."

"I don't think I ever completely trusted Steve after that. I knew she was trying to get under my skin and I let her."

Jude's fingers trailed up and down her arms, "The mind is a dangerous weapon."

Catherine let out a quiet breath, "Yeah."

He nudged her to sit up. When she complied, he began to comb his fingers through her hair. The sensation alone had the stress practically melting away. He gathered her hair in his hand and twisted it up until it resembled a bun. Holding her hair in place, he tilted her head to the left and slowly kissed down her neck, lingering when her sharp intake of breath alerted him to her satisfaction. With his free hand, he began to work at her tense muscles. "You need to relax, Princess." His lips lingered at the junction of her neck and shoulders. "I'll take care of you."

Catherine froze. Her relaxed muscles seized immediately. "Jude, we can't do this."

"It's just sex, Catherine. I know you don't want anything serious."

She chewed on her lip before turning to face him, "Do you? Because you saying that you'll take care of me doesn't equate to 'just sex'. You're gonna get hurt because you think I'm going to change my mind."

Jude kept his hand on her waist, gently caressing her soft curves, "Is this about you and me or you and him?"

"It's just about me, Jude. It has nothing to do with you or him."

He leaned down, his lips brushing against hers, "I don't believe you."

Her palm landed on his chest to stall his advances, "Jude, I care about you and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I won't." Gently, he cupped her jaw and pulled her in for a slow kiss. His mouth on hers was a dance they both knew well. They moved in mirrored synchronization- touching, tasting, feeling.

His hands became more frantic as they pushed her blouse up and over her head. Carefully, Jude laid her back on the couch. He straddled her hips, bracing one foot on the floor, and his knee on the couch. "So beautiful." Jude murmured as he skated his hands across her bare skin.

Catherine shivered under his touch, but the shivers turned into pulses of electricity and phantom sensations in her fingertips.

She had the ability to hurt him.

Her fists clenched and pressed into the couch. Jude reached down and covered her hand with his, "I've got you." He kissed the corner of her mouth and then her forehead. Slowly, he uncurled her fist and laced his fingers into hers, "Whatever it is, I'm here. I've got you, Princess."

"I need a minute."

Jude immediately stilled. He waited a few seconds before carefully sitting up. He pulled the quilt off the top of the couch and draped it over them as she sat up and distanced herself from him. "Talk to me. What's going on?"

Catherine took a deep breath, "Being at GITMO… It… I just..." She looked down at her trembling hands.

"It was your first time, huh?"

"Yeah." She whispered.

He reached out and held her hand, "And now you're afraid of yourself?"

"Something like that."

Jude nodded, "It's just a job, Catherine. You do what you have to do."

"That's what Steve said…"

That alone felt like a sucker punch to his gut. "You talked to him?" He couldn't help but notice the flicker of a smile at the corner of her perfect lips.

Catherine nodded, "Yeah. He, um… he spent a lot of time there when he was in the SEALs. I couldn't sleep when I was there, so we… we talked."

"Uh huh…" Jude pursed his lips to keep from saying something he would regret.

"If we don't end this, we're both going to get hurt." She paused and met his eyes, "We don't need distractions in the field." Catherine looked away and blinked back tears, "And I don't want to lose you…"

Jude let go of her hands and pulled her into a bear hug, his mammoth frame swallowing her whole, "Whatever shit you're going through, I'm not running. You're not gonna lose me." He pressed a kiss into her hair as the knife twisted further and further into his gut, "Whatever you need from me, I'm game. And if you need me to back off, I'll back off."

Catherine looked up at him, "I'm still in love with him."

Another stab of the knife.

The pad of his thumb wiped away her tears. He swallowed the lump in his throat and choked out, "I know."


Journal #12
En Route to Saudi Arabia

I will never know what I did to deserve Jude Beckett.

Truth is, I don't deserve him. He's a good man. He's strong and gentle and honest and challenging. Part of me wishes I wasn't still hung up on Steve because I feel like really letting Jude in and being loved by him would be wonderful.

He has this way of picking up the broken pieces and protecting them until I'm strong enough to put them back together. He doesn't try to step in and fix me. He just helps me get strong enough to fix myself.

I know he's hurting now and I know it's my fault. Thing is, even though he's hurting, he still checks on me. Makes sure I'm okay. Holds my hand when I start to lose control. He's still my best friend. The night before we packed up to roll out on this assignment, he came into the spare bedroom and slept with me after I started having nightmares again.

I owe him more than I can quantify. If I ever find my way back to Steve, it's only because of Jude.


Catherine's fingers flexed and curled into the sheets. Her body began to writhe and thrash of its own accord as the horrors tapped into her unconscious. Steve stirred from his sleep, "Cath?" He mumbled. Slowly blinking and letting his eyes adjust to the darkness, Steve squinted and focused on her, "Catherine."

Her fists were clenched like a vise grip as she grimaced and fought through the nightmare. Firmly, Steve caught her hands in his and crossed her arms over her chest in a submission hold. He pulled her back to his chest and wrapped his arms around her, "I've got you." He murmured against her ear. "You're safe. I'm not going anywhere."

The nightmares were nothing new. Even years after Steve and Catherine had retired from their cloak and dagger days, they were still haunted by the things they had seen and the things they had done.

They had an agreement, though. No one ever slept on the couch. It didn't matter how nasty the fight was or how angry at each other they were, Steve and Catherine slept in the same bed. Petty arguments could be resolved, but no one would face their demons alone. They were a team.

The promise to watch each other's six should have been in their wedding vows, they joked. The vow to protect each other didn't end when they left the battlefield. Hell, it didn't even end when they had lost each other. Fighting for each other is just what you do for the ones you love.

Tears welled up in Catherine's eyes as she woke from the nightmare, "I'm sorry." She whimpered.

Steve pressed a kiss to her forehead and then her lips. Slowly, he loosened his grip on her arms and began to rub soothing circles on her back. "Don't be." When she rested her head on his shoulder, he tangled his fingers in her hair and held her close. "I'm here for all of it, remember? All in."

"I remember."

He kissed her head and the glistening path on her cheek left by her tears. "What do you need? Want me to go get you some water?"

Catherine shook her head, "You." She whispered. "All I need is you."


AUTHOR'S NOTE

100 Chapters, you guys! CRAZY! To be honest, I never expected this story to be this long! Leave your reactions and comments in the reviews!

Have a wonderful weekend! I'll be bench-pressing some heavy AF wedding cakes for my last busy event weekend! (Lowkey, I'm starting a list of things I'm going to do when this story wraps and work slows down. Most of it includes going to bed before 1 AM, actually watching TV for the first time in months, and nice bottle of champagne.)

Love you guys! Be great humans! Do a random act of kindness or pay it forward in some way this weekend and tell me what you did! I'll share mine in the Monday chapter author's note!

XO,

-Mags-


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