Chapter 64.

During breakfast, Cas often saw Sarah looking at the ring. He wondered whether he should say that it was not what she might think it was or whether that in itself would seem to Jules as if he were backing away.

Jules smiled at him and said, "Before we see Sam, we should get our story straight."

"Story?" he said.

"The ring. We need to explain it. We don't want him jumping to any conclusions. We're not married. We're not engaged. We're just ... committed. What word do you feel comfortable with?"

"Is there a word that means committed without question, in love beyond all doubt, but subject to the whims of Heaven and the cruel games of an uncaring universe?"

She was speechless, gazing silently into his eyes.

"Did I say that badly?" he said.

Hesitantly, she said, "We could go with betrothed. More than engagement, less than marriage, but a binding pledge of life to life, heart to heart, hand in hand, for good."

He put his hand over hers on the table. "Yes!" he said.

"Also pleasingly archaic, appropriate to an ancient angel, but not so obscure that Sam won't grasp the concept."

"So, we're betrothed?" said Cas. He liked it. It was old enough not to seem like he was trying to be a human - of the modern sort, at least - but it felt warm and real and something that he could only think of as human. It seemed sweetly paradoxical, but not dimension-tearing paradox. It felt safe.

"Of course, if you're not feeling ready for that level of commitment, or if you feel like settling for a hunter with scars inside and out isn't ... "

"You're perfect." he said, "I'm sorry I reacted to your scars. I just hate the thought of anyone hurting you."

"What good is a hunter who can't roll with the punches?" she said, "We're warriors. It's part of what makes us perfect for each other. Maybe it was a mistake for us to avoid discussing our battles. We've been so cautious. But now, we're betrothed, so maybe we should share everything."

Sarah was smiling at both of them. "I think that's a wonderful idea." she said, "I think we've probably tried all possible ways to go it alone and that didn't work. Sometimes, Castiel, I think you've been denying yourself love as a way to punish yourself for letting Dean say yes to Michael."

"No." said Cas, but he wasn't sure.

"If that has been part of it, it needs to stop." said Sarah, "Not only is it bad for you, but it's cruel to use Jules to hurt yourself when you know it breaks her heart to see you hurt."

"I left so she wouldn't have to see that." he said.

Jules stroked his hand. "He doesn't get it, Sarah."

"He's trying." he said.

"It doesn't matter now." said Jules, "Because now we're gonna stick together, right?"

"Right." he said.

"Tonight, Sarah, I'll be at the bunker, but I'll be back in time to feed the chickens tomorrow." said Jules.

"Don't worry if you're not. I can feed them." said Sarah.

Cas checked his phone.

"Problem?" said Jules.

"Nothing from Sam since I spoke to him yesterday."

"He knew you were coming here?" said Sarah.

"Yes, I told him."

"My dear, he's giving you some privacy. I'm sure he's worried about you, but he's trying not to interrupt your time with us. You should go to the bunker and let him know that you're safe. We were all worried about you yesterday."

Guilty though that made him, it felt good that he mattered to them so much. "We should go to the bunker soon, if he's worried." he said.

"Yes, you should." said Sarah, "But you should come back here whenever you can."

"And first, we should tell the bees." said Cas.

"Tell the bees what?" said Jules.

"You must always tell the bees important news." said Sarah.

Cas stood and reached out his hand to Jules. "And this is the best news for some time."

She took his hand, stood and let him lead her out to the hives. The bees, as always, swirled around him. He kept a firm grip on her hand and said in a clear, strong voice, "My friends, Jules and I are betrothed and we are ready to face our future together." Silently, in the deep communion of the angels with all life, he added all the rest, the way the open wound that was Dean's desertion hurt less when she was with him, how close he had come to finding a way to die and how much he had wanted that.

The pain was not ended, the despair was still there. He still needed Dean back and he still dreaded the day when he would have to accept that he was gone, but Jules gave him strength to live beyond his hope. He let the bees see that and he felt their approval. They had been stricken by his hatred of life, his contempt for his own existence. Now they saw he was stepping back from that. Their rich, harmonious hum was a gentle benediction.

He glanced at Jules, hoping she was not troubled by the mass of bees. She was smiling, her eyes filled with wonder. "This is beautiful!" she said.

"It is." he said, "You are." he added.

They kissed in the midst of the bees and his tiny winged friends approved that too.

When they went back into the house, Cas embraced Sarah. "We haven't had much chance to talk." he said.

"I'm always here." she said.

"Yes, always."

"We should take your car." said Jules, "You can take Mary to Lebanon for your chat."

"We could take the Jeep too." said Cas.

"No, we'l take one car. I need you close."

"And I need to know you're together." said Sarah, "If you need the Jeep, send someone to fetch it."

Jules looked Cas up and down and said, "We can't stop and fool around if we go in different cars."

He remembered their interlude beside the creek, the soft, smooth feel of her skin beneath his fingers, all the many other activities that suggested themselves before the thought had flashed into his head that Dean was about to harm himself.

"We'll take my car." he said.