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When Shepard came up to their quarters after talking with Anderson, Garrus had prepared. He'd brought dinner up so they could share it quietly together, and uncorked a bottle of wine for Shepard, as well. He had candles lit and soft music playing. Surveying the room, he hoped he had managed a relaxing atmosphere so she could start to put what had happened on Thessia behind her—at least far enough to be able to see a future. Seeing her blank gaze in the shuttle, hearing her hum that little tune over and over again while remaining unresponsive to him or Liara or Cortez … just thinking about it sent chills through him. Losing Zia would be bad enough, but losing her that way, so that her body was there but her mind was gone? Horrifying. Unthinkable. He wouldn't be able to bear it.
He was glad to see that she had resumed her usual brisk steps and energy when she came into the room. She was so deep in thought that it took her a moment to realize he was standing there. Looking around, she actually even smiled. "Garrus. Did you do all this? For me?"
"I thought you could do with a break, a little bit of peace and quiet."
"And you." She came to him and put her arms around his waist, leaning her chest against his carapace.
"Always." He held her there, feeling an immeasurable relief. "How's Anderson?"
Zia chuckled. "Fit as a fiddle. I swear, he's like a machine. Everything going on down there and he's giving me a pep talk." She pulled back to look up at Garrus. "I promised I'd let him show me London someday."
"That's on Earth?"
"It is. A city with a lot of history. You'll love it."
Garrus chuckled. "Remind me to pack my own food."
"True. Earth was doing all right beginning to add dextro options here and there, but after all this, I doubt it'll be the first thought on anyone's mind once the clean-up can start."
It was so nice to hear her talking like that, like there was going to be a victory, and after the victory, a clean-up. Garrus rested his head on the top of hers and held her close.
"Hey, big guy. You know the food's getting cold and the wine's getting warm, right?"
"I take it those are supposed to be the opposite?"
"You bet." She disentangled herself, sitting down and pouring herself a glass.
Garrus sat on the opposite side of the couch so he could stretch his legs out and dug into his own food. He waited until her plate was mostly empty and she was on her second glass of wine before he tackled the topic of the day. "Are you all right?"
"Oof." Shepard pushed her plate away. "That's not an easy question. Watching what happened on Thessia, knowing it was my responsibility … I don't think I've ever been that angry. Or felt that helpless."
Which had undoubtedly made her more angry, Garrus understood. If there was one thing Zia Shepard wasn't used to, it was helplessness. "Now," he told her firmly, "is when you take all that anger, and all that frustration, bottle it up—then use it to rearrange every molecule in Kai Leng's body." Remembering Thane, he added grimly, "I'll be right there with you."
"I know you will."
"You know it wasn't your responsibility, though, right? Thessia was already gone by the time we got there."
"Maybe. Maybe I could have … I don't know. If I had beaten Kai Leng, maybe the Reapers would have withdrawn."
"Never. Not without a hell of a lot more than some fifty thousand-year-old intel." Garrus leaned forward, reaching for her hand. "A battle doesn't make a war. You know that. We're still in this."
"I know. I know, I really do. It's just—if it had been anyone other than the Illusive Man! I can't stand to lose to him."
"I've never noticed you could stand to lose to anyone. And you wonder why no one plays poker with you." He chuckled gently, tugging her toward him so he could put his arm around her. "So the Illusive Man did win one. So what? We'll win the next one."
Shepard tucked her head against him, poking him in the side for good measure. "No one plays poker with me because they don't want to beat the Commander."
"Well, that, too."
"Garrus. Tell me that was as hard to watch for you as it was for me."
She had been the most difficult thing to watch today, but he wasn't going to tell her that. She didn't need that burden on top of everything else. And it had brought up a lot of memories of Palaven to see Thessia falling despite the gallant efforts of its defenders. "Not something you could ever get used to, seeing a world go down like that," he told her, pulling her closer. "Thousands of years of civilization on fire. Hard to take. But look at it this way: The Reapers drove you from Earth, and you're still here. They drove me from Palaven, and I'm still here. The important part is that the next time we're on our homeworlds, those battles will belong to us. We're getting them back. And Thessia. And every other world the Reapers have tried to take."
"That's all I want," she said, her face pressed against his chest. "Just to have the chance to take it all back again."
"You'll get it," he assured her. "We all will."
They sat there wrapped in each other's arms while Garrus devoutly wished he believed all his fine words.
