CT: When it comes to classic adult cartoons, while The Venture Bros., Squidbillies, and King of the Hill may be my top three favorites, I'd be lying if I didn't say that I can't help but have a soft spot for South Park. As such, when JP requested for me to write a parody of one of the many earworms from the South Park movie, I was more than happy to oblige.

JP: Happy 2021 everyone! I hope y'all have been staying safe and healthy… and what better cure for the winter blues than mocking the Devil himself… literally in this case? The South Park movie was epic! They actually managed to make you root for Satan! If you haven't seen the flick (understandably Parker and Stone's adult animated series isn't everyone's cup of tea!) you still have to fist bump CT for bringing together AA's finest regrettable and unforgettable jailbirds for this ditty! This goes out to my Heartwarming Java Shots partner, Señor Java, otherwise known as Forgreatcoffee. Enjoy this homage to el diablo, amigo! 😊


"Beyond Here"
Sung to the tune of

"Up There"
from the movie
"South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut"

It was a cold, cloudless night in L.A., the darkness of the sky sharply contrasting with the glow of streetlights and the full moon. However, had Godot not finished his work at the Prosecutor's Office late that day- a forced job as a prosecutor with parole that Edgeworth convinced the Judge to add to the coffee-loving convict's sentence in exchange for a reduced sentence- he wouldn't have known what the outside world looked like.

Now back in his cell for the evening, Godot paced back and forth, the idea of sleep being one of the last things on his mind as he was haunted by the usual regrets of past follies and shortcomings that plagued him every night since he was first convicted, prompting him to vent out his inner demons in the form of a song.


{Godot}

I always think, when I look through these bars,

About the role Maya must assume,

And how Kitten guides her from afar.

But then I sigh,

Because my pride caused her so much strife,

My judgement blinded by pure hate.

Why did I have to snuff out that life…?


As Godot was voicing his regrets, in a nearby cell, Acro, who was tending to one of his birds, started to sing a verse of his own.


{Acro}

Beyond here,

There's a world of grins,

Where brothers perform, twirl, and spin,

And children laugh,

Though not near Moe.


In the female section of the prison, Mimi laid in her bunk, her gaze pointed up as the bunk above her as she quietly cried herself to sleep.


{Mimi}

Beyond here,

Where the cool wind makes all tears dried,

Where I could drive with Ini by my side.

Beyond here…


Back in the male section of the prison, Kristoph was also trying to get to sleep, though unlike Mimi, instead of sobbing, he was glaring daggers at the wall to his left as he squeezed the life out of his 1,000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, his mind filled with his usual thoughts regarding his arch-nemesis.


{Kristoph}

They say I'm not needed,

Like I'm some outdated tool,

That for my 'crimes',

I should be housed with thugs and deranged fools.

But what exactly is seen as 'good'?

Is it what Wright feels is right?

So since Wright has forged evidence once,

Then by that logic, the deed must be alright.


Meanwhile, Gant was sitting at a small table in the cell that he shared with Blaise, begrudgingly starting a game of solitaire after the latter brutally rejected his offer to play gin rummy.


{Gant}

Beyond here,

Pools are filled to the brim,

Where crimes are solved and detectives swim,

Where friends can save the day,

I should know…


As for Pierce Nichody, while he was also sitting down, his focus wasn't on games like Gant's was, but rather on his past as he tenderly gazed down at the pocket watch in his hand that Edgeworth kindly enough allowed him to keep after pulling a few strings.


{Pierce}

Beyond here,

Where Selina's laugh filled the air,

Where love can thrive and bloom without a care,

And passion is shared.

If only I was beyond here…


{All}

I wish I was…!

I wish I was…!

Oh, oh, oh!

I wish I was beyond here!


JP: Also, Chapter 102, the one holiday special before this one, was released at Christmastime, in case anyone was too busy with their holiday shopping and missed it! 😊


Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading! 😊

Chapter 102

DJJ680

JP: The only thing scarier/funnier than Santa Gant is picturing Blaise as his sidekick elf… and poor Sebastian being their abused sole reindeer (think poor Max from The Grinch) whose Papa kicks his harnessed son's side in – every time he feels the sadistic urge! Then of course, there's the following scenario my twisted pal wrote, below for good measure… 😆

CT: One thing's for certain: when Ganta Claus is around, you can bet dollars to donuts that everyone's on their best behavior come Christmastime. Though if you want to make the concept of Ganta Claus even more nightmare-inducingly comedic, imagine Manfred sitting on his lap with a huge grin while reading off his Christmas list.

The idea of Damon Gant as Santa is both funny and cursed. That is all.

Toya Lette

JP: Great name!I needed a good snicker! Thanks for dropping a line!

CT:

I'm glad to hear that you like our parodies. As for your suggestion, we'll see if we can perhaps incorporate it somehow in a future parody.

Forgreatcoffee

JP: I'm going to have to thank Friends for the whole homage to the banana hammock… Do you remember the episode where Phoebe decided that her name was going to be Princess Consuelo Banana Hammock? As for Gant doing victory squat thrusts… I figure with the way that man is built like a tank all he needs to do is just throw on an orange Adidas tracksuit and have him do those vainglorious squats upon a pole! You coffee couldn't possibly be any colder than in Russia which is where these moves are infamous… Although Gant may want to hold back on the pelvic thrusting depending on whoever's around if you do that in front of the wrong pair of eyes they throw you in the gulags!

CT: Personally, I've always pictured Gant's default underwear being an orange speedo. That way, in the event that the Chief of Police finds himself near a beach, lake, pool, or any other swimmable, he can just rip off his clothes like Superman and jump right in. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if during his days as a detective, the Chief of Police would make it a point to keep Gant away from investigations involving locations with bodies of water after receiving numerous complaints from anyone who had the misfortune of investigating at the same time he was present- most of which were from Manfred- of him dragging them in the water for some involuntary swim time.

chloemcg

JP: Hope all is well and that you are healthy in 2021 milady! It was my pleasure to review your work, especially since you've been such a long-time loyal reader and just a lovely person all around. 😊
I know Lana's situation with Gant was no laughing matter but I'd tried really hard to balance out the sadness of the Skye sisters' situation with some hopefully not too harrowing and slightly humorous images of Gant in a banana hammock! I was just telling my partner I'm really behind on reading and reviewing the works of my wonderful readers and friends, but we get a long weekend this month where I live, so I can definitely catch up on all of that… And God willing possibly catch up on some writing as well.. Fingers crossed! I am delighted you liked what I did with your song choice and thank you as always for dropping us a line. Wishing you all the best!

CT: And a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you, too!
On the plus side, while Lana and Ema may have had to spend several Christmases apart- the former serving time in jail and the latter studying abroad- they could at least take solace in the fact that their relationship improved over the years, which is more than can be said about Klavier's relationship with his own sibling.

Peoplepersonsof DooM

JP: Hi Lyn! I have no doubt that Lana's situation was pretty sad but considering what an Ice Queen they made her seem like in Rise From The Ashes I figure if Gant ever dropped trousers to show her his pool noodle, she could just freeze it right off with just one of her famous icy death glares!😆
I know you have not read Turnabout Everlasting but I did have Lana and Jake is one of the couples in that story and indeed the whole situation with Gant was what I had as a headcanon, as well, to have been a big part in the downfall of the relationship! Look at that great minds think alike fellow friend and writing partner… Doing a lot to catch up now with the reading and reviewing and updating but please know I haven't forgotten about our Kristoph and Dahlia story! It's on the list… But first I need to start reviewing the works of some of my awesome peeps – guess who is at the top of the list? 😉

CT: That, or Gant decided to completely derail Lana's romantic relationship with Jake by never allowing them to have a single intimate outing thanks to him being a third-wheel and going out of his way to kill the mood. Lana and Jake go to the local movie theater to see the newest romantic comedy, only for Gant to meet them there and make them watch a remake of the "Marmaduke" movie with him while he obnoxiously laughs in the latter's ear throughout the film; Lana and Jake decide to celebrate their anniversary by going to a fancy French restaurant, but Gant stops them right when they're going to the car and forces them to go to a fast-food burger joint, where they see Maya grab and devour a burger from a nearby trashcan like a raccoon; and finally, Lana and Jake go to an amusement park, where Gant 'coincidentally' runs into them at the entrance, tags along with them, eats around five or six churros, and then inadvertently pukes all over the both of them.

TheFreelancerSeal

JP: Hey bud! I have not seen the movie either but it was a hauntingly beautiful tuned even if it did have a very despondent note to it therefore who better to be depressed at Christmas than somebody who was the puppet of a guy who made the water looks scarier than Jaws ever could have? Gant may have been a fiend that he is still a man I have no doubt he would show off the admittedly powerful physique of his in the skimpiest of swimsuits and what is skimpier than a speedo?… Well maybe a C string but only look that up if you have not had anything to eat first… 😉

Because we only got to know the Skye sisters in the one episode and everyone loves Edgeworth and Lana has not even been mentioned in passing ever since, my AceAttorney Scheisse list has always been Kristoph, Morgan, and then Manfred… Because let's not forget, he also screwed up the life of God knows how many erroneously convicted criminals to prison and death row… And not just Miles but also Franziska by being a monster papa… That definitely ranks him pretty high on the meanie meter, to say the least!

Always a pleasure to hear from you I hope 2021 has treated you well since you're one of my favorite people both on and off the site! 😊

CT: Personally, between Manfred and Gant, I would have to say that the former is the greater of two evils. Sure, Manfred and Gant have both done horrible things and have ruined countless lives as a result, but unlike the former, who did everything for the sake of his own inflated ego, the latter gives off the impression that his evil came from a place of embitterment.
From what I can gather from the events of "Rise from the Ashes", Gant was the kind of cop who joined the police because he wanted to make the world a better place by bringing criminals to justice. However, as time passed, Gant realized the same harsh truth that inspired Phoenix to do the dubious things that he did to clear his name and bring Kristoph's crimes to light (forging evidence, performing an illegal investigation in Kristoph's cell, forming a stacked jury, etc.): without solid evidence, a criminal can easily escape justice.
Though despite occasionally forging evidence to solidify a case he was certain of (hence explaining the perfect evidence he'd 'find', thus earning him his nickname of 'Crime Computer'), he still tried to keep things as legitimately as possible. However, the SL-9 Incident was the straw that broke the camel's back. Even though it was clear that Darke had killed all those people (one of which was a child who was merely walking by), Gant and the rest of his team didn't have any solid evidence to convict the guy despites months of tireless investigation. It was then that Gant decided that if there was to be justice, he would have to do it himself- that is why he killed Neil and created the evidence his team sorely needed; that is why he blackmailed Lana in order to ensure that the prosecutors would dole out his justice in court; and it was what compelled him to kill Goodman out of fear that the 'greater good' that he had created was about to crumble before his very eyes.