Pehea wau i ʻike ai i kou makuahine
Based on the characters and stories of Hawaii Five-0.
Hawaii Five-0 is owned by CBS and their respective creators.
Tuesday night dinner had turned into somewhat of a spectacle. When word got out that Jude was sticking around for good and had carved out his own place in Five-0, Steve and Catherine's lowkey weeknight dinner with him and Danny turned into an honest to goodness party.
Shelby Jo and Will didn't mind one bit. All their aunties and uncles were gathered in one place, doting on them and giving them their undivided attention. Eddie had eased into a spot beside the grill, hoping for a chance to catch some scraps. Pickles was nowhere in sight.
"So I heard you had a run-in with Ellie Clayton." Catherine grinned as she sided up to Jude in the buffet line. Her tone was less than subtle. "How is our favorite prosecuting attorney?"
He chuckled and shook his head, "Don't think I don't see what you and Charming are up to."
"And what is it that you think we're up to exactly?" Catherine was the picture of innocence.
Jude dropped a burger on his plate and began to load it up with vegetables, "I appreciate the effort, Princess, but I prefer to meet ladies the old fashioned way."
"What's more old fashioned than matchmaking?" She countered. "Matchmaking goes back thousands of years and spans pretty much every civilization. Besides, she checks all your boxes."
"My boxes?"
Catherine finished piling toppings on her hotdog. She shifted it so that the precariously tall mountain of condiments stayed upright. "All the requirements you told me you had for your perfect woman? Blonde. Accent. Will only date under special circumstances if she lives in the States. Smart." She punctuated each point by licking the ketchup off one finger at a time. "Perfect match."
Jude chuckled, "Those were the kind of women I went for during my wild bachelor years."
"Oh, and you're not a bachelor now?"
He held his hands up defensively, "No roses and hot tubs for me."
Catherine settled into one of the tables on the lawn, "So, Jude Beckette who suddenly changes his type after years and years of swearing he could only fall for one type of girl, what changed it?"
"I fell for you, didn't I?" He winked, causing them to both share suppressed laughs.
It felt good to be friends with him again, she thought. Life was good. "So, have you met everyone?" Catherine waved at Duke Lukela and his wife as they wandered into the backyard and joined the festivities.
Jude glanced around, scanning faces and recalling names, "I think so. I, uh, I…."
It wasn't often that Jude Beckett got tongue tied. He was as well-spoken as they came and his law degree made him excellent at thinking on his feet. For a man who knew more languages than Catherine could even remember, he was having an awfully hard time coming up with words in any language. Catherine followed his gaze to where Noelani stood at the end of the buffet line. Her bright smile and infectious laugh had him captivated. Catherine immediately caught her attention and waved her over.
"Catherine, hi!" Noelani beamed as she slid her plate onto the table and gave her a hug, "Oh my goodness, it's so good to see you! I've been so swamped at work and you guys have been travelling and I've barely gotten to see you or Steve since Will was born! How are you?"
"Good! We're good! Noelani, this is-"
"Jude Beckett, of course." She smiled brightly and extended her hand to a very quiet Jude. "I've heard so much about you. I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot of each other now that you're with Five-0."
Quickly realizing that Jude's brain had been completely erased, Catherine decided to give him a fighting chance, "Jude this is Dr. Noelani Cunha. She's the medical examiner for Honolulu County."
He stammered something that resembled "nice to meet you" before breaking out in a grin that made him look like the human version of Eddie. Catherine sat quietly with a sly smile on her face and observed as Noelani jabbered away.
"So, I heard you just moved here. What brought you to Hawaii?"
Jude looked to Catherine who gave him a subtle nod of encouragement. "I, uh, um… I just needed a job and uh… knew Catherine."
She stifled a laugh. Never in all her years of knowing him had she seen him so tongue tied. "Jude and I worked together when I was in the CIA. He just recently retired and decided to move out here."
Catherine was the ultimate wingwoman, he decided. And he was forever in her debt because there was something about the little ball of sunshine sitting across from him that made him go absolutely weak. "Yeah, uh… That."
"Very cool!" Noelani exclaimed, "Well, you're in good hands with Commander McGarrett and Catherine, but if you ever want some recommendations from a local, I'm more than happy to help!"
Jude seemed to gather his wits when they exchanged phone numbers. Catherine took the hint and slid out of the table to where Steve was lingering by the grill. "Hey, you."
Steve dropped a kiss on top of her head as he flipped the next round of burgers. "I see what you're doing, Rollins."
She feigned innocence, "And what am I doing?"
He waved the metal tongs in the direction of Jude and Noelani, "Setting up your boy."
Catherine laughed and held her hands up defensively, "Hey, that one happened all on its own."
"You're good. Sneaky." Steve chuckled and shook his head. He looked up from the grill and studied the clumps of people gathered in their backyard. Junior and Tani sat with Danny, Grace, and Charlie. Quinn had reluctantly invited Rick to come with her. The two of them sat closer to the shore with the Lukelas, Adam, and Siobhan. Lincoln Cole and the Grovers had joined in with Jude and Noelani. "When did we become so normal?" He asked.
She laughed as Shelby jumped out of Jude's lap and made a beeline for her, "I dunno. I guess we just got lucky."
Steve looked out across the yard where strangers who had become friends were now family. He picked up his beer and pointed it out towards the scattered crowd. "Family. Friends. Food. We put one foot in front of the other and stay thankful for it every damn day."
She was good.
Steve sat outside the barn door with his eyes closed. The crisp mountain air was refreshing and having a chance to sit and be still in it was a luxury he didn't take for granted.
Catherine would take the first rendition shift the following morning, they had decided. Thomsen would be bracing for Steve to come at him, but the change of someone new stepping in and taking over might be enough to start chipping away at his defenses.
Admittedly, Steve was a little nervous at letting her in there alone, but him watching her in the room would make Thomsen fear her less. If Steve put her on a metaphorical leash, it would cripple her ability to go at Thomsen with everything she had. That's how he found himself sitting outside, listening to the love of his life torture a man.
She was really fucking good.
Catherine was calm and methodical. She didn't get riled up. She didn't let Thomsen get under her skin, and boy did he try. Her voice was almost pleasant as she asked him questions. It was soothing and that's what made it scary as hell. She was peaches and cream with a generous helping of arsenic. Steve heard the click of her tongue scold Thomsen with a tisk tisk and then all he heard was screaming.
Steve glanced at his watch. She'd been putting Thomsen through the ringer for almost four hours and it was closing in on the time they had agreed upon for her to take a break. He prepared himself to walk in and drag her out, but as soon as the thought crossed his mind, everything got quiet.
The voices were muffled, but Steve could make out that Thomsen was, in fact, talking to her.
She'd made more progress in a couple hours than he had in a week. It made him simultaneously proud, disgusted, and a little competitive.
The door creaked as Catherine toed it open with her boot and then kicked it closed as she left the barn. "Give me a sec to wash up." She raised her blood covered hands, "And then I'll make us some lunch."
He had stared down terrorists and warlords and suicide bombers, but Catherine Rollins? The way she floated out of the barn with blood dripping from her hands and a smile on her face talking about lunch? That had him scared shitless.
Steve watched with a peculiar curiosity as Catherine threw together sandwiches and an assortment of chips. There was something so normal about the scene and yet it was completely disturbing at the same time.
Who the hell was this woman?
Did he really know her as well as he thought he did?
"I can hear you thinking." She soothed.
It was the same voice she had been using to coax information out of Thomsen. Shivers zipped down his spine. He looked at his sandwich with a fascinating interest and did his best to avoid her gaze.
Catherine nervously twisted the silver band on her finger, "Did I… Did I do okay?" Truthfully, she had been nervous as hell to interrogate Thomsen knowing that Steve was right outside. His reputation around Guantanamo decades later was still legendary. On more than a few occasions during her time in Cuba, she'd overheard his name be spoken reverently in conversation.
He nearly choked on the turkey and lettuce. Coughing and sputtering, he took a sip of water to clear his throat, "I'm sorry, it, uh, it just sounded like you asked if you did okay."
"Yeah?" She eased down into a seat at the kitchen table. "I just… I know you were out there listening the whole time."
Steve laughed in disbelief. Leaning back in the rickety wood slat chair, he stroked his beard and tucked his hands behind his head, "You're a natural." Steve watched the emotions on her face change like a slideshow. Surprise. Pride. Disgust. Anger. And then it was all gone. Just like that, she shut down into this cold shell. He'd always been able to read her like a book, but not now. Not anymore.
Catherine looked down at her sandwich and decided that it was best left untouched. Suddenly, she wasn't quite so hungry anymore. "I, um... I'm gonna get a shower."
Her skin burned under the scalding spray of water. The harder she scrubbed, the angrier and more raw her skin became. There was no amount of soap or exfoliation to remove the filth. She felt the dirtiness in her bones.
A blast of cold air snaked into the shower. Quickly, she turned to pull the curtain against the wall to stop the draft, but Steve stepped in.
He'd sat at the kitchen table and watched her walk away. He listed all the reasons why following her into the shower would be a tremendously bad idea and then promptly threw that list in the trash.
Steve placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face the stream. He stood behind her and slid his hands down her arms, "Where's your head at?"
"Far away."
"Listen to me." His rough command made her skin pebble with goosebumps. He pressed a kiss to the star tattoo on the back of her neck before continuing, "You wanna know why you're good at this? Because you compartmentalize. Because you're smart. You're… You're cool under pressure. You don't get emotional about it." Steve ran his hands back up to her shoulders and began to work at the knots and tension with his large, capable hands. "But here's what you're not good at. Now is when you need to get angry. Kick shit. Scream. Cry. Punch something. Because you gotta get it out, Cath." One hand remained on her shoulder while the other trailed down her waist and rested on her hip. He pulled her naked body back against his. "I can't do this without you. But you should know… You should know that you don't have to carry this burden alone."
"I can't let myself get angry." She whispered.
"Why not?"
Catherine gritted her teeth as she squeezed her fingers, silently willing the sensation to pass, "Because I won't be able to come back from it if I do."
His beard scratched and tickled at her neck as he craned his head around and kissed the junction of her shoulder. "Do you trust me?"
Her eyes fluttered shut, "Always."
"Then let go."
Those three little words that spilled out in a husky whisper opened the floodgates.
She spun in his arms and crashed her lips onto his. Her hands tangled in his hair, gripped his strong biceps, pushed against him. Steve returned everything she had and more. He pushed her up against the slick tile then let her shove him back under the spray. It was a dance. A controlled give and take. He was making her fight. Making her let go and lose control.
One long leg hooked around his waist and then the other. Steve pinned her up against the shower wall and kissed her, digging his fingers into the gentle curve of her ass. The muscles in his back seized when the water turned to ice. Catherine pulled her mouth away from his and shut her eyes as she rested her head against the wall. Tears, salty and hot, streaked down her face. Her body began to shake as she crumbled into his chest.
He didn't care that the shower was freezing and stinging his skin. Steve was asking more of her than he'd ever forgive himself for. Catherine gasped as she tried to catch her breath and wiggle down out of his arms.
"I'm sorry." She whispered. Stumbling out of the shower, she grabbed a towel and quickly covered up. The pink tinge on her cheeks wasn't from the steam. Her angry makeout session with Steve had her feeling like a petulant teenager who couldn't control herself. But that's what he wanted, right? That's what he said to do. In the back of her mind, she knew she felt just a little bit better. Just a little bit more in control.
Steve shut off the water and followed her out, wrapping a towel around his hips. "How do you feel?"
Catherine nodded, "Better." She forced an embarrassed smile, "Thanks… for that." Whatever that was.
Stress relief, Steve wanted to say. Somehow, calling it what Greer had- when they were actively trying to put her in the ground- sullied the term.
"What happened to not letting ourselves get comfortable?" She spun on her heels and popped the question without so much as a second thought. Two underwear incinerating make out sessions had left her feeling just a little bit unsteady.
Steve paused as he dressed himself. After a moment of thought, he pulled his shirt over his head and stroked his beard. "It, uh… it doesn't matter if I get you for five minute or five months." He shrugged, "It's still gonna hurt like hell when it's over." He zipped up his jeans and toed his boots on. The soft expression she had witnessed turned back into the stone cold SEAL, "I'll be in with Thomsen."
Journal #14
Bitterroot Valley, Montana
I've been here two weeks. Thomsen is starting to crack. I can feel it. Steve and I alternate shifts. Once he finally realized that I can handle myself in there, it was all hands on deck. Now we can get twice as many sessions in without either of us burning out.
Where to begin with Steve… Things are so hot and cold with us. We both know this is temporary. During the day, it's all business. No small talk, no flirting. But at night? It's a miracle we get any sleep at all.
We've seen the best and the worst in each other and we're still here. Sure, we're not together, but we're still in each other's lives and that's what's important, right?
I saw Steve at his worst in the Maldives. When he was ready to give up. When he had seen and done too much. Last week after my first interrogation with Thomsen? Steve saw me at my worst - when I was holding on by a thread. When I was scared of myself.
Once upon a time I wanted normal. I wanted to run off into the sunset with him and live happily ever after. Part of me still does. But that's when it really hit me. Steve saw me at my worst and he wasn't running away from that. He stayed and fought with me just like I did with him back then. And I think that's just it. If one of us needed it, the other would walk through hell and shake hands with the devil himself. When you find someone who can see the ugly parts of you and loves you anyway, that's rare and golden.
And that's something that should be fought for.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
400,000 words later, we're still here. Leave your thoughts and comments in the reviews! If you're one of those ghost readers who reads every chapter but never says 'hi' in the reviews, just drop me a little note and let me know you're still hanging out with us! (*Both guilty hands up over here* I'm the worst at leaving reviews when I read.)
I love you guys! Be good humans!
XO,
-Mags-
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