Luis pushed Martin's wheelchair up the ramp to tía Maria's inn. "Well, we're here, Papa," he said. "Now, we just have to find her."
"And convince her to come home . . ." Martin shook his head. "This is all my fault, Luis. If I hadn't helped Katherine, your mother never would have felt like she had to send Paloma away."
"Katherine was saying the same thing this morning." Luis frowned. "You know, there is so much self-blame going around about this, when the real fault lies with Alistair." Luis took a deep breath in and massaged his temples. "He's the one who's tortured everyone for years. The only thing the rest of us have done is try to help each other."
"You're right, Luis," Martin sighed. "And I know that ruminating about this isn't getting us anywhere. Let's go find your sister—see if we can talk some sense into her."
"Don't waste your breath, Papa." Paloma appeared at the door to the lobby. "I'm not going anywhere."
Sheridan brought some tea over to Pilar and sat down beside her. "Are you sure you don't want to come home with me tonight, Pilar?"
Her hands shaking, Pilar picked up her cup. "Thank you, mija, but you've already been here for hours—you don't have to babysit me."
"Pilar, it's not a chore for me," Sheridan insisted. "I love spending time with you."
"Still . . ." Pilar cupped her face. "You must be wanting to spend time with your mother."
Sheridan covered Pilar's hand with her own. "For as long as I can remember, you have been my mother in every way that counts."
"Thank you, Sheridan." Pilar blinked back tears and put down her teacup. "I'm not sure that I deserve that."
"Of course you do," Sheridan said. "I wouldn't have survived childhood without you."
Pilar smiled sadly at her. "Yes, mija, you would have. You're stronger than you think you are."
Sheridan wrapped her arms around Pilar and rested her head on Pilar's shoulder. "Well, I don't know about that, but I'm lucky to have you anyway."
Pilar embraced Sheridan and kissed her head. "Your little one is lucky to have you."
"I don't know about that." Sheridan curled her fingers around her belly. "I can barely take care of myself most of the time. What on earth were Luis and I thinking trying to have a baby so quickly? I have no idea how to be a good mother."
"Sheridan, may I tell you a secret?" Pilar smiled and squeezed Sheridan tighter. "That's what all we mothers fear. Most of us are just muddling our way through it all, hoping we won't mess up."
"But, Pilar, you've never messed up . . ."
"Clearly, Sheridan, I have," Pilar sighed. "Theresa stole another woman's fiancé, and Miguel is never home. Now my Paloma hates me, and who knows what happened to Antonio?" Pilar chuckled softly and shook her head. "I think you married the only one of my children I didn't screw up."
"Pilar, that's just not true!" Sheridan looked up. "All of your children are kind and caring people—you should be proud of the job you've done."
"Well, thank you for saying that." Pilar laughed softly. "And I know you're right on some level. But I just can't help but think of how I failed each one of them. I know it's just my insecurities talking, though—I did my absolute best to be a good mother."
"Well, your best is better than most other people's on any given day . . ."
"Sheridan, I'm sorry—I shouldn't be talking to you like this," Pilar said. "I don't want to scare you. You're going to be a wonderful mother—much better than I ever have been."
"Well, if that turns out to be even a little bit true, you're going to have to give yourself some credit." Her eyes glistening, Sheridan tightened her fingers around the curve of her belly and smiled softly at Pilar. "If I have learned anything about what it takes to be a good mother, I've learned it from you."
Luis dug his hands into his pockets and sat down next to Paloma on the couch. "How can you think that Mama doesn't love you, Paloma?"
"She sent me away." Paloma crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"Paloma . . ." Luis turned her chin to make her face him. "Paloma, listen to me. Mama sent you here because she wanted you to have a better life; she didn't want you to have to struggle along with the rest of us. If anything, she sent you away because she loves you—it wasn't the other way around."
Paloma swatted Luis's fingers aside. "She could have sent away any of us. Yet, she still chose me."
"Paloma . . ." Martin wheeled up next to her. "You were just a baby at the time. I'm sure she thought it would be the easiest for you to adjust."
"Papa's right," Luis said. "Since you were a baby, Mama thought it would be easier for you than it would have been for Theresa or Miguel."
"Well, maybe she didn't have to send away anyone in the first place," Paloma retorted. "Maybe we could have managed."
"Paloma, I left your mother in a horrible position when I was chased out of Harmony. Please, cut her some slack." Martin reached out for Paloma's hand.
Paloma yanked her hand away and jumped up from the couch. "She still could have found some way to keep me. I don't want anything to do with her!"
"Paloma, please, you've got to believe that we all love you." Luis stood up behind his sister. "Mama cried herself to sleep for a good long time after we sent you to live with Aunt Maria. She would have done anything to keep you with us—she just felt like she couldn't manage it. She truly believed you'd have a better life here."
"If she cares so much, where is she now?" Paloma glared at Luis and Martin.
Martin rested his eyes on his daughter. "Given how angry you are, she thought it would be best to give you some space—and I have to admit, so did I."
"Space?" Paloma laughed. "Por favor, give me a break! Mama's not here because she doesn't love me. It's the same old story as always!"
