Summary: After last nights excesses, there's a price to be paid. Normally in the form of a stonking hangover. But Snow gets over it in a different way, with unexpected results.
The Nolan Farm
They'd all stumbled in from their night out just after one thirty in the morning, to findDavid still awake, in his PJs and dressing gown. Nathaniel, the Lucas's four-year-old son, his biological son, was fast asleep in a guest bedroom, next to Neal's. Like a lot of fathers in Storybrooke, Charming was childminding for the evening, while their wives and friends were on their night out. it was hardly a burden - there was a boys' night planned for a fortnight's time, anyway.
Although he'd half-expected Snow to come home with their friends mildly inebriated (she was always a lightweight when it came to alcohol) he was surprised to see all three of them fairly drunk. Drunk and talking loudly! As they noisily bundled into the kitchen, he tried to get them to calm down to stop them waking the boys.
"Shush, you lot! You'll wake Nat up" he whispered loudly, admonishing all three. "Just because Neal can sleep through a thunderstorm, doesn't mean he can!"
"Sorry, babe!" Snow tried to sound contrite, failing. She stumbled over to him, resting her hands on his cheeks. "You go on up, my darling. We'll just have a little drinkie, before we do. I'll go get the wine."
"Oh no, you don't!" He gently pulled her back. "You sound like you've had quite enough already! I'll make you hot chocolate if you want, but-"
"Nooooo - wine!" she groaned, too drunk to stop him pulling her away. "Get your queen some wine? I command you!"
He grinned. Snow was far too cute when she was drunk, and he knew she was going to regret it when the hangover hit. "I must unfortunately decline, Your Majesty, as you've clearly had a skinful already!"
"Charming…" she pointed a finger at him, the digit swaying. As was she. "Not giving your queen what she wants, is treason!"
He tried not to laugh. "Then you can try me and hang me in the morning, after a good night's sleep! Now, I'll get you a glass of water and then you're going up. And if you don't, I'll take you over my shoulder and carry you up instead…"
The other couple watched their exchange. "Ooh, he's very dominant when he wants to be, isn't he?" said Dorothy, impressed.
"Very. I like it…" Ruby was back on her feet, staggering across to them, putting a hand on his chest. "You can then come and carry me too, if you want?" She kissed him on the cheek, trying to be flirtatious, but way too sozzled to carry it off. But he did think she was acting kinda cute too.
"You know, you're all still making far too much noise, and you'll definitely wake one of them if you carry on! I think you should go up and sleep now…"
"Boring. They could sleep in our bed again?" Snow suggested. "It's the farthest away from Nat's room, if it bothers you? Then you can bring more drinkies up!" she was also trying to be flirty and failing dismally.
But David just wanted them to be out of the way and to be quiet. "Very well, you three go climb in our bed, and if you promise not to wake the boys, then I'll be up with some wine shortly…" he lied.
After the three drunk women went up, half an hour later he poked his head around the bedroom door before entering, relieved to find all of them fast asleep, as he thought they would be after so much booze. Ruby's gentle snoring was the only sound, as he quietly left a tray with a large jug of water, three glasses, and bottles of Advil and Alka Seltzer. As he looked down on them in the large bed under the low moonlight (fortunately not full, for Ruby's sake) he saw that Snow was now sandwiched between the other two as they all faced the same way, spooning together. There was a time he would have felt threatened by such a sight, but having known Ruby for so long, that feeling had long passed. Hearing the snoring, he decided that, rather than climb in with them and try to get some sleep, he would have better luck on the sofa downstairs.
The Following Morning…
Neal was the first awake, at around seven. Being Saturday, he was keener to get up than on school days, remembering his dad was going to take them to the lake near Sherwood, where he was planning to meet his mates. David, knowing Snow and their guests would probably want a lie-in after their late night out, had suggested it earlier in the week, suggesting it to some of the other fathers.
"Morning dad. Where's mum?"
"In bed, love. She's having a lie-in after her late night. Don't disturb her, there's a good lad. Is Nat awake yet?"
"Er…don't think so. I'm hungry. What's for breakfast?"
"I'll make us some pancakes when he comes down. As he's only four, he may have forgotten where he is. Could you go and get him?"
"Okay," he turned to go back up the stairs. "Could I have chocolate pancakes instead?"
"Go fetch him down, if he's awake, and I'll see what we've got, okay?"
Mifflin Street - earlier that morning
Just like David Nolan, Robin had kept the light on and stayed up, just to be sure his true loves got home safely. But although Marian and Regina were the worse for over-indulgence, they weren't anywhere near as wasted as Snow and her friends. Instead of going straight for a much-needed sleep, now animated, his wives instead insisted on relaying some of the gossip of the evening. Especially regarding Maleficent.
"So she was really suggesting a foursome? With us? She wasn't just winding you up?"
"You never can be sure with Mal, but yes, I'm sure she meant it." She saw the smirk on his lips. She glared back. "And no, dear husband, that doesn't mean we can take her up on the offer!"
He sniggered, "I never imagined otherwise. Unless…both of my wives insisted, of course."
"I doubt Gina's going to agree to anything like that!" Marian also found it funny. "Although, it seems she may have found herself a boyfriend. There's another dragon in town. And he owns a nightclub!"
"A boyfriend? She may be a relentless flirt, but I thought she was mainly gay these days?"
"You've obviously forgotten about Brighid's diary? That book I borrowed from Belle? She's everything! 'Fluid', she calls it. Which basically means if she fancies it, and it has a pulse…"
Regina rolled her tired eyes. "She's a dragon, not a human, dear! Different rules. But I've never even met another dragon apart from her, before. So this'll be interesting. Anyway, never mind all that. Marian let slip that you'd both taken occasional drugs before?"
"It's true, though a long time ago, and certainly before Roland was born! It was during the purges, when everyone was forced to live in the forest. Only weed, or 'fairy wings' as some of the boys used to call it. It helped fight the stress of not knowing whether we were going to live or die the next day! I never took anything harder though. Frankly, I was worried I might get hooked, though Alan and the boys said there was no chance. And taking too much of that sort of thing dulls the senses over time, Slows you up. The occasional puff's okay though."
"Don't let the boys hear you say that! I worry enough about you letting Roland have a beer, even if it is on special occasions. I'd hate to think of any of our children getting addicted."
"I agree. But it's relatively safe, compared to the harder stuff. It's a long time since I had a 'spliff', as I think they call it nowadays. What made you all talk about that?"
"We were playing never-have-I-ever. Anyway, Mulan said she'd never smoked weed or coke. I had, so I had to take a tequila shot. Regina was a bit shocked."
"Surprised, dear, not shocked. Though I really was shocked when Snow took a shot!"
Robin was curious. "It calms the nerves, Gina. I'm surprised you've never tried it?"
"She never would…" Marian jumped in, before she could say anything. "Wouldn't be in control, now, would she?"
Regina glared at her. "You think I'm so predictable.? Boring even?"
But she only smiled back, not taking the bait. "My Gina, boring? Never! But predictable when it comes to something like that, yeah. Shame, it's only a bit of weed. Could calm you down when you get stressey. But I know you wouldn't dare."
"Are you challenging me, Marian Locksley? I've no problems with trying something just the once. In fact, I've often wondered what it would be like to feel…I don't know…high?"
"Well that's one for the bucket list." Robin pulled her into his arms again, kissing her. "Well you've certainly learned something tonight."
"I've learned lots of things. Not only about my wife, but the fact that Snow White has gone without underwear in public, used drugs, and taken part in orgies."
"She's done what? Okay, never mind. Unlike you two, I've an early start tomorrow. Or I should say, this morning. I'm taking the boys on a woodland trip and boating on the lake, so I need my beauty sleep."
"Shame…" Marian pressed herself against them both, kissing him on the lips before biting on his lower lip, dragging it back. "I was in the mood for a cuddle."
"Now you always say that, milady, but when you're too tired, you get me all fired up, then you fall asleep! You lead me up the garden path, then you leave me there!"
"He's right you know, dear. We've often had you nod off when you've got us all in the mood. However, tonight, I'm going straight to sleep. If you two want to do something different, try not to wake me!"
The following morning…
Snow eventually woke up feeling warm, but squished. It took a while for her brain to connect the dots. She was lying in her own bed, but with a body right behind, spooning her. It was far too soft to be Charming's. In her lap lay Ruby's backside. It was warm, comfy and there was a homely smell in the sheets. Unfortunately, that's when the hangover kicked in!
Dehydrated, tired and her head throbbing, she clambered over the wolf clumsily, to get out, earning a few groans, quietly relieved to find that she'd somehow had the sense to put on a pair of David's bed shorts and a large T-shirt, before climbing into bed late last night. Or early in the morning. Whatever. Stumbling around like a woman forty years older, she went to the bathroom to relieve herself, before shuffling back into the bedroom.
The house was silent. As she saw the tray and glasses, she remembered that her kind husband and true love, had already told her he'd be gone early. Pouring some water, she spotted the Advil. Even the childproof lock was a struggle with her hangover! But finally, she pulled out two tablets and, after quaffing half the glass to relieve her parched throat, swallowed them.
"Hope you've got two of those for me?" groaned a voice from under the bedsheets. Ruby's. "I feel like death!"
"Shushhhhhhh!" murmured a second voice from under the quilt. "No talking! Turn the sun off!"
Clearly, they felt as rough as she did! That's when she spotted the small clock on the nightstand.
"Eleven thirty?"
Nobody wanting to get up yet, despite the late hour, the three women sitting side-by-side-side against the headboard.
"Not that I'm complaining but…why are you both in my bed?"
Dorothy swallowed the last of her water. "Because David didn't want us to wake up our sons. We were making too much noise downstairs apparently, so he shoved us all in here."
"Glad someone had some common sense last night!" Ruby moaned. "He said he'd take them early?"
"Yeah. It's just us here. I'm hungry. I saw some bacon in the fridge?"
It was after twelve before they all felt a little more human, having had something to eat and countless coffees. Snow replied to the text from Charming, letting him know she was up and alive. Sort of.
"He said Nat's fine, and apparently Friar Tuck's organising some games for the kids over there. Said he'll drop him back at your place around five, if that's okay?"
"Perfect. Give's me time to recover. I'm not working till tomorrow."
"You know, your husband's the best of the best, Snow. He takes care of Nat every bit as much as Neal. You know Rubes and I love him to bits, don't you?"
"I do," she smiled back, picturing him. "He regards him as his son too. And what about you two? It's two weeks since we were all here. Either of you think you might be pregnant yet?"
"Not me, that's for sure. I had my period last week. Dorothy?"
"I don't know yet. Probably too early to tell. I can wait, and we can always try again."
"And David and I would have no problem. Isn't it nice, how we've all grown together even after Natty? We've been together what, ten times since he was born?"
"We love it. It's like he's got four parents, not two. Not that anyone outside would understand. Still, Rubes, we need to get cleaned up and head off, I guess. Let's leave our queen here to do whatever she's doing for the day. Snow, mind if I use that bloody great shower of yours? I stink."
"Not that I've noticed. Of course, help yourself."
"I'll join you, babe. You used all the hot water last time, and left me with the cold!"
Snow sniggered, remembering last time how they'd all heard Ruby scream, when her shower turned icy after Dorothy took all the hot. "David and I get about twenty minutes of hot water from the tank, before it runs cold. I'll wait for mine to reheat later."
"Don't be silly; get in with us? There's plenty of space after all!"
And that's how Snow found herself, ten minutes later, about to share a shower with her two friends. After they'd renovated the bathroom, David had gone out of his way to turn a poorly placed cloakroom into a full-size wet room and shower, which he much preferred to baths. To most people, sharing with anyone but their own partner would be too embarrassing. But Ruby and Dorothy were far more than friends these days. David was their son's father, at her suggestion. They'd shared themselves maybe a dozen times over the last five years, and only two week's ago they'd started trying to get either one of the couple pregnant again. So, as she walked into the room naked, with a purple coloured bottle, there was no embarrassment or awkwardness between them all.
"You'll like this," Snow stepped under the large shower head hanging from the ceiling, which they'd been about to turn on. "It's lavender oil, but it foams. Henry brought it back from France." She poured a generous dollop in Dorothy's cupped hands, before doing the same to Ruby's. "Lavender's also perfectly safe for pregnancy, and smells divine."
Ruby sniffed it. "Mmm. Lovely. Okay, turn around Kansas, and I'll rub some on your back? You do the same for Snow…" She turned on the two large taps and the power shower came on. When Snow started rubbing some of the oil on Ruby's back in turn, the wolf giggled, seeing as all three of them had formed an odd, tight little circle, as they each smeared the oil on each other at the same time. "Well…this one's a first!"
When they all turned in, bunching closer to still keep themselves under the water, Snow shared out more oil, which they then used on themselves, rather than each other. "What do you think David would do, if he saw us like this?"
"Probably get one of us pregnant!" she turned her back to them, leaning her head back to wet her hair. "Though not me, I hope! I'm still on the pill. Rubes, could you grab that shampoo on the shelf beside you?" They continued showering, the atmosphere light and fun, with no awkwardness or embarrassment whatsoever, all more than familiar with the others' bodies. As they were with David's.
"Don't forget the legs, Wolfie?" Dorothy grinned under the downpour, as she snatched a little more oil and, sniggering, forcefully turned a ticklish wolf to face her, rubbing her thigh. "And oh look? You've missed a bit there too!" before raising her hand higher, cheekily swiping her palm over Ruby's inner thigh, right over her entrance and pubic mound, before giving it several quick strokes.
"Ooh, you cheeky cow!" Ruby squealed, chuckling. Snow saw what she'd done and also started laughing, prompting a retort from the wolf. "Oh, you think that's funny, do you? Maybe someone else needs a wash down there?" She instantly dropped her own palm straight over Snow's core, sliding several soapy fingers straight through the lips, and earning a loud squeak from the shorter woman. That in turn made Dorothy laugh, who in turn got punished by Snow by doing exactly the same thing to her with a soapy hand! It all happened so quickly, so spontaneously, amid all the childish laughter, that all three of them now found themselves in the ridiculous position of being slightly stooped, facing the other two, each with her right hand on the crotch of the woman to her right.
Then something quickly changed between them.
"Oh, ladies!" breathed Dorothy, as he dragged a finger more firmly over Ruby's, catching her clit, which rewarded her with a small gasp. Ruby did the same thing to Snow, who in turn did it to Dorothy. Giggling quickly turned to sighing, then to heavier breathing, as each of them started stroking harder. Snow juddered when she felt a finger slide inside her, prompting her to stand a little wider for the wolf to gain easier access, as she slid her own middle finger into the Hero of Oz. Hearing the load groan, her eyes lifted to the unbelievable sight. Dorothy had now done the same to her wife and all of them were now in a virtual circle, actively trying to make the others peak.
Which they did. Dorothy being the first, as Snow now drove two fingers into her, massaging her nub with her thumb. Snow quickly followed, and Ruby shortly after that. A minute later, as they all slowly straightened, Ruby started laughing. "That was so cool! We've definitely gotta have more showers over here!" But as she spoke, the hot water cascading down from above turned to icy cold, making Snow shriek, racing to the two large taps to turn them off.
"Well that's fixed the hangover!"
Emma and Killian's House
Emma's Saturday morning hangover wasn't anything like as bad as some. Killian, having babysat the Lucas boy and his young brother-in-law, as well as his daughters last night, had the good sense to get an early night, so he could cope with them all the next morning.
"Morning love," he placed a glass of water and tablets on her side table. "Good night out?"
"Headache. Don't open the curtains…please?" she grunted.
"Fair enough," he kissed the top of her head, the rest of her hidden under the sheets. "Tablets and water on the side when you're ready. I'm taking everyone off with me in a few minutes."
"Already?" she turned back the sheets, "What time is it?"
"Gone eleven. We're heading over to Sherwood. A lot of the fathers are taking their children."
"Okay, thanks, I'll get up soon. Need a hand with the girls?"
"Nope, we're good. Neal was a big help. You can rest up."
"I'm okay, I didn't drink as much as the rest of them. I'm headache-y and dry but …" Now she was awake, something was bugging her. She pulled herself upright, resting her back against the headboard, before reaching for the glass to take a large slug of the water. "Killian. Am I…boring?"
His eyes widened. "I'm sorry?"
"Am I boring. Am I, I don't know, uninteresting?"
"Where the hell did that come from, Swan?"
"It was just…well, last night, we played a game where he had to admit having done stuff." Now she felt embarrassed for having said it. "We all asked questions. If you had a different answer, you had to take a tequila shot. I drank the least, out of all of them, even Mulan! I guess I'm too boring compared. Even Belle drank more than me!"
He sat down on the bed beside her. "What kind of questions?"
"Have you ever taken drugs. Ever had sex in the back of a car. That sort of thing..."
"Well whatever your answers, I can assure you, Swan, the last thing you are is uninteresting! You've slain dragons and witches, broken curses, become the Dark One and survived. Travelled through other realms and in time, saved countless lives. Need I go on?"
She huffed, drinking more water. "Thanks. It's just…in other ways, everyone else seemed to have had a more interesting life than me. Even my own mother!"
"Had more interesting lives? What has Snow done that makes her more…interesting?"
"Smoked pot for one thing! Pretended to be a guy to break in somewhere, had group sex…."
"Drugs? You want to try drugs? Well it's hardly something to…wait a minute…group sex?"
"That's the bit that got your attention?" Emma gave a humourless, dry laugh as she reached for the Advil. But remembering what she'd heard when she apparated into the farmhouse two weeks, the last thing she wanted to do was discuss her own mother's sex life. "And no, I don't want to do any of those things!"
"Good. It's something to experience when you're single. Memorable, I'll admit but…"
"You've tried it yourself? Stupid question - of course you have! "Don't tell me, two hookers from the sort of tavern we went in?"
"You insult me Swan. No, as it happens, I've never paid for intimacy in my life. But I'm six times older than you, and you get to experience many things over the decades. Men, women. Sometimes with more than one on rare occasions. But I have indulged in the past."
Emma's mind went back to last night, and Dorothy mentioning sleeping with pirates. It was just another thing bugging her from last night, and it wouldn't rest until she knew.
"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised…" She swallowed two tablets and the rest of the water. "Killian, erm, something came up last night. Now I know you probably won't answer this. And I won't complain if you won't tell me. But…have you ever had sex with anyone who's living in Storybrooke?"
Well he wasn't expecting that! How should he answer without hurting her?
"Emma, you have a power that can detect lying, don't you? So please listen very carefully to what I have to say. To answer your question; yes, there are people living in this odd little town with whom I've had, let us just say, intimacy, in the distant past. But that was before I ever met you! And certainly long before I arrived here." She tried to interrupt, but he put up his hand and carried on…
"I've lived getting on for two and a half centuries, and in all that time, many women, and a few men, have captured my heart. But even including Milah, who's death I spent a long time vowing to avenge, there's only been one woman who I've not only fallen in love with, but committed to by marriage. Only one in two hundred and fifty years! So let me ask you this. Would I, Killian Jones, the finest pirate in all the realms, scourge of the high seas, ever marry a boring, uninteresting woman?"
"Okay, enough already," she started to laugh. "Thanks, I guess I needed to hear that."
The Nolan Farm – three weeks later
Charming studied the little white stick, looking at the blue baby icon in the little window. Dorothy and Ruby had come straight from the clinic.
"That's brilliant, Dot! Well done. So when's it due?"
"Vic said early February. It's early yet. I'm only about five weeks gone, so we won't be saying anything to anyone else till I'm three months, like we did last time, just to be safe. But yeah, we're thrilled!"
Snow looked at the stick David was holding. "Five weeks. The first time we tried. I guess that means you won't be staying over at the end of the month, like we'd arranged?" she sounded slightly disappointed.
"Well…we could anyway, I guess. What do you think, Rubes?"
Ruby and Snow exchanged a knowing look. Truth was, although it had all started as a means to give the married women their first child, there was always a little more to it than that. It had also become enjoyable, fun. A way to catch up on something the princess and the wolf had shared long ago. "Yeah, I guess we could stay over. Victor and Doug are able to mind Nat anyway. Maybe David could join us in the shower this time? Think we might be able to get four of us under it?"
As the three women chuckled, David seemed confused.
"Sorry…shower? Our shower?"
"Yeah. We all shared it…" Dorothy gave Snow a wicked grin at the memory. "Plenty of room. Mind you, we all needed another shower after that! Shame there was no hot water left. You really need to get a bigger tank, David!"
"Wait. Let me get this right. You're saying…that the three of you had sex in our shower?"
"Yes, we…" It's only then Snow realised David wasn't laughing. Or smiling. Instead he was staring right back at her, his eyes now cold.
"David, it was after the girls' night out. I thought you knew? I'm sure I told you."
"I think I'd remember my own wife telling me she'd been unfaithful!"
"Unfaithful? David-" Snow started, seeing a hard look in her husband's eyes she'd never seen before. Even the other women felt the temperature between them drop.
"You've gone too far! Ruby, Dorothy, I need you to leave. Now please? I need to speak to my wife. Alone!"
