Pehea wau i ʻike ai i kou makuahine

Based on the characters and stories of Hawaii Five-0.

Hawaii Five-0 is owned by CBS and their respective creators.


"Hey, Princess." The mood in the safe house was nothing short of morose when Catherine walked in the door. A cloud of dread and grief hung over them.

She knew it was coming. She knew what would happen. They were just following protocol. So when Decker, Caroline, and Jude met her at the door when she got back from Montana, she didn't even try to fight it. "Hey."

Jude swallowed her in a massive bear hug. "It's gonna be alright." He murmured. Caroline and Decker were next in line, offering solemn congratulations and simultaneous apologies.

"You know any other agent would have made the same decision, right?" Caroline said. "No matter what they say in there, you did the right thing."

Decker was next, "Whatever happens, you're a part of this team. You're family and we've got your back. And for the record, this is bullshit."

Catherine cracked a wry smile, "Thanks, Deck." She looked at the three agents in front of her, "I love you guys."

Caroline and Decker returned the sentiments while Jude looked like he was going to Hulk smash everything in sight. Catherine's eyes met his. In one look, all those unspoken words passed between them.

I'm sorry. I hate this. This isn't fair. I'll miss you. I love you. I'm on your side. I'll have your back. I'll fight for you.

Decker and Caroline exchanged a subtle nod. It was time. He shoved his hands in his pocket and pulled out the zip ties. "We gotta take you in, Catherine."

She nodded, "I know."

"But we'll all ride to the blacksite together." Caroline chimed in.

"And we'll stay as long as they'll let us." Decker said. She turned around as Decker stepped forward and cuffed her wrists behind her back with a zip tie. She looked over her shoulder at Jude one last time. Her best friend. Her partner.

But he looked away.

Caroline mumbled an "I'm sorry" as she put the canvas hood over Catherine's head. A strong hand rested on her back as they led her out to the car. His. She could smell the faint traces of Jude's cologne. It was a small comfort as she walked away from what little security she had.

The team piled in, Decker behind the wheel and Caroline beside him. Jude wrapped his arm around Catherine's shoulders and pulled her into his side. He hated this. He fucking hated all of this. Catherine had taken out the most wanted woman in the CIA and she was being treated like a fucking criminal. Calling it a 'debrief' was bullshit and everyone knew it. When they were ordered to bring her to the blacksite in restraints, he had flipped a table.

Jude Beckett never got angry. But for her, he'd rip the safe house apart, brick by fucking brick.

She came back willingly. Contrary to what the weasel in a suit named Coen had reported, she hadn't gone AWOL. Debrief was routine, but this wasn't that. This was going to be an interrogation.


Twenty hours.

Twenty motherfucking hours they had her in there.

Twenty hours of her being chained to a desk, answering the same damn questions over and over again.

Jude couldn't have been more proud of her. Or more furious at literally everyone else. She took responsibility for everything. Never once did she mention McGarrett's name, his, Decker's, or Caroline's. She took the blame for all of it even though they'd all had a hand in making the op happen and covering for her absence. For twenty hours he sat outside the door, squished between Decker and Caroline as they waited for the verdict.

The steel door creaked open as suits began to file out. Jude was the first to his feet, barreling into the interrogation room.

Catherine's wrists were still handcuffed to the table. The bags under her eyes and her pale complexion only magnified her exhaustion. The fire in her whiskey eyes was dim. Caroline hunted down a key and came back a second later, uncuffing her hands.

She rubbed her raw wrists and stretched her arms. Jude braced his palms against the metal table and closed his eyes, "How bad is it?" He growled.

"Paid suspension until my disciplinary review is done." She muttered, rubbing the heels of her hands into her tired eyes.

Decker sided up to Jude, waiting for the other shoe to drop. "That it?"

Catherine sighed, "Once I'm cleared, I'm being reassigned to a different team."

And there was the other shoe.

Caroline flew into action, making calls and shouting orders at the men in the hallway. Decker smacked the table and swore a string of profanities and threats that would make the writers of the Geneva Convention blush.

Jude gripped the back of her chair like a vise, "How long do you have?"

"They're arranging transport as we speak. It won't be long." She stood up slowly and stretched her aching joints. "They're sending me to a crash pad for now. At least I don't have to go all the way back to the States."

"Which one?"

"Oberrieden."

"I'll make some calls." Jude pulled her into his arms. "Fuck." He grunted. "I'm gonna miss you like hell."

Catherine crashed into him. "Thank you… For everything."

"I hate this." He shook his head. "You, uh, you gonna renew your contract at the end of the year?"

She sighed, "I don't want to. But I don't want to leave you guys either."

"Looks like they're making that choice for you."

Catherine gave his hand a squeeze, "Doesn't matter what country I'm in. We're on the same team."

Jude kissed the top of her head, "Stay safe out there, okay? Keep in touch if you can. Whenever I hang it up, I'll try and find you."

Coen appeared in the doorway and crossed his arms, waiting for her to fall in line. Catherine looked up at Jude, "I gotta go." A weak smile flickered on her lips as she pressed her palm against his cheek, "Take care of yourself, okay?

"Love you, Princess."

Tears pricked at her eyes, burning and cutting her deep. "Love you too, Jude."


Catherine knocked on the door of the crash pad as she glanced over her shoulder. She was sure that the CIA had the area secured, but after finding out that Greer was a double-agent and hunting her down, she wasn't too sure of anything these days.

Doris opened the door to the house and waved Catherine in from the cold. Winter in Switzerland was no joke. "Come on in, sweetheart. I'm glad Jude called me." She smiled.

Catherine shuffled in and flipped down the hood of her parka. The warmth from the fireplace made her skin flush. "Thanks. Me… me too." She exhaled with a smile.

She and Doris settled into two chairs nestled around the fireplace and shared a pot of tea. It was oddly reminiscent of the first time the two of them had met: when Steve had asked her to watch Doris in the safehouse on O'ahu after he brought her back from Japan.

"I heard about Joe." Doris cut through the silence. She shook her head in disbelief. "All this time… to think Greer was right under our noses? Doing what she did?" She huffed in exasperation.

"I pulled the trigger, you know…" Catherine stared solemnly into the flames. Greer had reached for her weapon. Catherine knew that she wouldn't have hesitated to take one last chance to kill Steve, so she pulled the trigger without a second thought… and it felt… good.

Doris nodded, "Do you think that makes you a murderer?" She asked as if reading Catherine's mind.

Catherine shrugged, "It doesn't make me innocent."

"It's what we do, Catherine…" Doris stared into her tea. "Bad things for good reasons, right?"

Catherine nodded, "Yeah."

Doris cocked her head, "Why don't you tell me what's really going on. This can't just be about the suspension." She snickered, "We've all been under disciplinary review at one point or another. Well, maybe not Beckett. But it's just par for the course."

"I don't even know where to begin…" Her voice trailed off as she took a small sip from her mug.

"Why don't you start at the part where you stopped loving my son and left him to run clandestine ops halfway around the world?" Doris cracked a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

"I can't…" Catherine whispered.

"Why not?"

"Because I haven't stopped loving him." She admitted.


Over the next few hours, Catherine and Doris unpacked everything from her leaving Steve on his doorstep in Hawaii to shooting Agent Greer in the back in China.

Doris cried with her and hugged her in a way that only a mother could when Catherine talked about her miscarriage again. Doris held her hands when Catherine told her about her fight with Steve all the way to Morocco (consequently, to rescue Doris just a day later.).

Catherine talked about having sex with Steve even though he was with Lynn at the time, and then seeing him again to hunt down Asad Al-Laja and having to pretend that she was happy and that everything was okay.

She talked about their promise she had made to Steve on the tarmac in Thailand. To meet him in a year. To stay.


"I just… I can't move on, Doris…" Catherine slid her finger around the rim of her empty cup. They had finished off the tea hours ago and the once-roaring fire had turned to smoldering embers.

"Well then maybe you shouldn't!" Doris laughed, "Did you ever stop to think that maybe life keeps throwing you back in each other's paths for a reason?"

Catherine shrugged. "I told Steve not to wait for me… that I wanted him to be happy. To date. To see what's out there. But that I'd come back when I decide to get out."

"You want his happiness even though you think it'll exclude you?" Doris asked.

Catherine nodded.

"That's love, dear." She smiled as she leaned over and squeezed Catherine's hand.

"What do I do?" Catherine looked up at Doris.

Doris sighed with a smile, "Steve is stubborn. He gets that from me and I'm very sorry about that." She laughed, "But life has a funny way of letting you know when you should make a move." She grabbed the fire poker and moved the glowing coals around. "Don't renew your contract. Sounds like you know you want to get out, you're just trying to protect yourself from getting hurt."

Catherine leaned back in her chair.

"You're out at the end of the year, right?" Doris clarified.

Catherine nodded.

"So don't renew." Doris set her mug on the small table beside her. "I know you Catherine. You live well below your means, The Company pays well… You don't need this." She tilted her head and rested it against the back of the chair. "This was never about the money for you. You didn't need a job. Staying in would just be you running away." Doris waited for Catherine to argue, but it never came. Doris was right. "When your contract runs out, go back to Hawaii. Find him. Talk some sense into that boy." She made herself laugh.

"What if when the time comes he doesn't want to be together…" Catherine asked timidly, "A lot's changed… a lot of time will have passed. What if he actually does move on?"

"Then I will haunt him for the rest of his life." Doris grinned.

"Doris!" Catherine laughed. "You can't be that morbid when you're about to go into an op!"

Doris shrugged and smiled, "Eh, at my age, luck and superstitions go out the window. You just make sure your weapon's loaded and make peace with yourself every morning."

Catherine shook her head and smiled. "So, Mexico, huh?"

"Yeah." Doris nodded. "I've got this new handler for the assignment… he's a real asshole." She rolled her eyes.

"Anyone I know?" Catherine laughed.

"Coen. Agent Coen." Doris shook her head, "He's a weasley little man with a stick so far up his ass, he's basically a scarecrow."

Catherine cackled, "Oh, I know Coen. She said, cutting off Doris's well thought out and creative insult. "He's a real pain in the ass. At least he'll be a pain in your ass and not mine for a while." She laughed.


The next morning, Catherine stood at the door as she said her goodbyes to Doris, thanking her for crashing with her and for being a listening ear. It was time for the next adventure. Even though her disciplinary review hadn't concluded, Catherine had received orders to fly out and begin preparing for her next assignment.

Doris leaned in to give her a hug and smiled, "Take care of yourself, sweetie." She squeezed Catherine's arms. "When I get out of Mexico I wanna hear that you've retired and that you and Steve are working things out."

Catherine nodded, "Yes, ma'am. I'll do my best."

"I'll do my best to have your six." Doris smiled as Catherine walked down the path to her car.

Catherine slid into the driver's seat and shivered as she shoved the key into the ignition and gave it a twist. While she waited for the car to warm up, she stuck her hands into the pockets of her parka and felt a small slip of paper inside. She yanked off her gloves and unfolded the paper to reveal a grid of letters and numbers. "Polybius Square." She smiled. It was the same style of code that Doris had used to get her vital information during her assignment in Kiev. Catherine tucked the paper back in her pocket and began driving away from the house.

She knew that Steve's relationship with Doris had always been complicated at best, but somehow, she couldn't help but think how lucky she was to have Doris in her corner. A twinge of guilt hit her as all the memories of Steve reeling from Doris's actions played in her mind. She shook her head as if to rid herself of the thoughts and focused on the road that lay ahead.


Journal #15
Oberrieden, Switzerland

Today I lost the people who have gotten me through some of the hardest things I've ever gone through. I can't even begin to fathom being on assignment without Jude or Caroline or Decker. They're family to me.

I hate that I didn't have more time with Jude before I had to leave, but it was in his best interest. I wasn't ever going to risk implicating them in any of this. They covered for me as best as they could and I'll never be able to repay them for that.

Supposedly when I get to the crash pad in Switzerland, Doris will be there. (Jude's doing, of course.) Honestly, I can't wait to see her. I wish I could talk to my own mom about all of this. About Steve and Montana and China. About Jude and The Company. But I can't.

That's one thing I really wish Steve was here to see. I wish he could see me and Doris together now with everything the past behind us. Doris is the closest thing I have to a mother figure out here.

I hate the CIA for how things happened. For separating Steve and I. But the family I got in return is pretty damn great. No one will ever replace Steve, but in the meantime, I've had some pretty wonderful people by my side.


"Mama D." Jude chuckled as he sat in the grass beside Doris's headstone. "What's good?" Gently, he brushed away the grass clippings and leaves from the smooth granite and pressed his palm against it. "I never thought I'd be living in Hawaii, but here I am. I remember you talking about it. Falling in love here. Raising your kids here. Enjoying paradise." He paused as the wind snaked through the trees, rustling the leaves. "Steve and I are getting real tight. You always said you thought of me as a son, so I guess it's only fitting that he and I get to know each other. We get along great. I think sometimes it drives Catherine crazy, but it's all in good fun. Catherine seems happy. Those years after she got pulled from our team that I was working without her. They were hell for me. Even from day one, you told me how special she was. You didn't undersell it, that's for sure. I tried to make good on my promise to you. I tried to protect her as best as I could." He paused a beat and rested his arms on top of his bent knees, "I'm sorry about Mexico. I wish I had been there to look out for you."

"Hey, birthday boy." Catherine smiled as she walked up to him. "Steve told you that you could find her here, didn't he?"

Jude nodded, "Yeah, uh… I haven't had a chance to get out here to see her before now…"

She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Take your time. I just came out here to put new flowers out for her and John."

"You guys coming to La Mariana tonight?"

"Yeah, I have to get this one back home before the sitter gets there." She ran her fingers through Shelby's copper hair as the little girl stood patiently at her side.

Jude opened his arms and Shelby immediately ran to him, crushing him in the biggest hug a toddler could muster. He grinned from ear to ear when she placed a smacking kiss on his cheek.

"I love Unca Jude." Shelby declared.

He returned her affections with a kiss on the cheek, "I love you too, Little Princess."

Catherine finished installing the fresh flowers and cleared out the old ones, "Alright, kiddo. Let's get you home." She took Shelby Jo's hand and gave Jude a hand up, "See you in a bit. Prepare to be embarrassed." She laughed.


And embarrassed he was. The La Mariana Tiki Bar had been decked out in tacky streamers, brightly colored balloons, and party hats were a mandatory accessory. Half of Honolulu, it seemed, had come out for his birthday. Then again, that's just how Steve and Catherine operated. Everyone was family.

For someone who had never had brothers or sisters, suddenly, he had a bigger family tree than he could have ever dreamt.

Steve cut through the crowd, beer in hand, and pulled him in for a back-slapping bro hug. "Happy birthday, man. How's, uh, how's it feel to be a year away from the big five-oh?"

Jude chuckled, "Tell me in a couple years when you catch up." He looked around, "Where's your better half? I ran into her earlier at the cemetery."

He smirked, "You know Catherine. She's around here somewhere, sneaking and scheming. You can take the spy out of the CIA…"

"Yeah, yeah." Jude scanned the room again, "I'll, uh, I'll catch up with you in a bit."

Steve nodded, "Copy that."

Jude began to make a beeline for the door before slowing down and pausing behind a pillar to compose himself. He took a deep breath and continued. "Hey, you… You made it." Okay, so he stammered a little, but it was still better than he had done at the cookout at Steve and Catherine's.

"Of course!" Noelani beamed, "Happy birthday!"

Her five-foot-nothing frame didn't quite match up with his six-foot-five height for a proper hug, but he made it work. Jude leaned down as far as he could and wrapped his behemoth arms around her, nearly lifting her off the ground.

"Oh my God, you give the best hugs." She laughed as she relaxed and enjoyed the feeling of being completely encapsulated in his embrace, "Has anyone ever told you that?"

Hearing her say that was like Christmas morning and he could barely contain himself. "You know I think I need to take you up on your offer for some local recommendations." He said as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "Think you can still help me out with that?" His Hollywood smile was on full display.

Noelani made her way into the bar and blushed at the butterflies she felt when he placed his hand on her back, "Of course. What, um… Did you have something in particular that you were looking for?"

"Somewhere good for dinner?" He asked with a devilishly debonair smirk, "Where's your favorite place?"

Catherine skipped through the crowd and clasped her hands together as she caught up with him, "I know you said no presents, but-"

"But I said no presents." He leveled her a stern look.

"What constitutes a present?" She countered.

Jude thought for a second, "Something you spent money on and-or wrapped."

"Oh good!" She exclaimed, "Then it's not a present, it's just a surprise."

His eyes narrowed in at her, "What did you do, Princess?" Jude's frown turned into shock and then a barking laugh, "Holy shit! What the hell are you guys doing here?"

Decker and Caroline cut through the crowd and threw themselves into a massive group hug. "We were on R and R and Catherine tracked us down."

Decker laughed, "Did you know her boy knows Haspel? Like… REALLY well?"

Jude laughed, "You got a man crush on McGarrett?" Without a second thought, he put his hand on Noelani's back and brought her into the group, "Noelani, this is Caroline Marshall and Decker. Catherine and I were on their team for a while."

Noelani had never met a stranger and he loved that. Five seconds in and she was best friends with Caroline and had Decker telling her all about all the places he had traveled to over the years.

Catherine gave him a wink and pulled him into a hug, "Happy Birthday." She murmured.

"Love you, Princess."

"Love you too, Jude."


AUTHOR'S NOTE

Leave your thoughts and reactions in the reviews!

Challenge yourself. Push yourself. Let discipline carry you when motivation fails you. You are all wonderful, amazing people and the world is a better place because you're in it! Have a WONDERFUL Friday!

XO,

-Mags-


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