Severus slammed the door to the kitchen behind him and stood, in his horrid, cold, empty living room, trembling. He has never been so angry and scared in his life. The way she had looked at him, the way she was fighting for him, the way she fucking saw through every lie he threw at her. It made him furious. He had built up his walls so carefully and in three years she had brought them down brick by brick.

He grabbed the clock from the mantlepiece and threw it across the room as a roar of pain and anger escaped him.

The sound of scuffling on the stairs had him whirring in rage, his wand pointing at the pathetic little man who had just poked his ugly face around the corner, his small eyes filled with excitement surely hoping to relay Severus' anger to the Dark Lord.

"OUT!" Severus roared, pointing rigidly at the front door, his insides clenching tightly as he, too, saw the thin red lines criss-crossing over the back of his hand. "GET OUT!"

"You can't throw me out-"

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"The Dark Lord-"

Bang.

Wormtail made a rat-like squeaking sound as he clutched his throat which had begun constricting and ran for the door, his stumpy legs carrying him past Severus in fear. He was clawing at his throat now, his silver hand scratching the thin skin, but Severus didn't care. The door was flung open and Wormtail stumbled out onto the dirty pavement. The door slammed behind him, and only when it was firmly locked did Severus cancel the choking jinx.

He stood, his back against the door, panting heavily, as fear and anger coursed through his veins, burning his insides, spreading to every limb and up into his head.

He swore loudly and pushed his knuckles into the pain on his forehead. He was going to pay for this later. The Dark Lord would summon him and he would be dually punished for banishing the vermin, but he felt strangely indifferent in the face of sure agony. If it meant a few hours in his own house without feeling as though someone was choking him.

He pushed himself away from the door and went into the kitchen, pacing in the small space, but the memories of Serena were too painful and he found himself locked down in his laboratory with the lights off.

What was he supposed to do? She had so nearly broken him, he had so nearly told her the truth. The niggling voice in the back of his head was asking him to consider her offer. Perhaps she was right, perhaps they could fight this together, maybe he could confide in her and she could help him find a solution. There is no solution, his dark side reminded him. You made an unbreakable vow. You will have to kill Albus, in the end.

His cold fingertips idly traced the thin lines on his hand. Those lines would be gone in a matter of hours, all proof of his promise erased from his skin, but the weight of what he was destined to do would hang over him forever.

It had been the most intelligent thing to do, he reassured himself. Albus had condemned him to the Dark side, so why not use that to secure his place in the Dark Lord's ranks. And Bellatrix couldn't possibly doubt his loyalty now. He had seen how shocked she had been when he had agreed to her wild proposition. But he had done it, and he had felt the shift in her regard towards him.

He couldn't risk dragging Serena into this. He knew what she would say and do if she knew Severus' destiny. He had minutely examined every possibility inside his head and not one version was better than his current plan.

She would want to be introduced to the Death Eaters as his wife, she would be ready to be banished with him when the time came, she would be seen as a traitor too, and she would accept that.

Or, she would be convinced that she could find some other way. Perhaps she would kill Albus, or she would tell Albus he had to kill himself, and either way, Severus' position in this chess game that was war would not be strengthened.

He couldn't allow her to change the path he had been set along. And so he had to hope that she would not be associated with him, and that the Order would accept that she knew nothing of his plans.

Better she be in pain now, whilst her friends are around her, than in a few months' time when they risk casting her out.

He rubbed his tired face roughly. Just the thought of getting through the next hour without her seemed impossible to him, never mind the rest of his life.

She was his everything. She was his rock. His truth. His whole life.

Severus grimaced as he felt the tell-tale searing pain in his left forearm. He took a deep breath and straightened up, sliding his occlumency shields firmly back into place and pulling his Death Eater persona slowly up to the surface of his mind palace. He rolled up his sleeve, touched the tip of his wand to the Dark Mark, and was gone.

Serena paced her bedroom, clenching and unclenching her fists tightly. Her trainers crunched over the broken glass on the floor, and her blurry eyes just managed to decipher the broken photo frames and mirror that she had destroyed in her anger.

She had really thought that by confronting him head-on he would tell her what was wrong. He so often needed his anger to deal with what was happening, and so she had pushed him and pushed him, waiting for him to crack, waiting for him to yell at her what he was really thinking, but instead she had lost and he had left.

She rubbed her lower back where she had hit the stone floor. She hadn't seen his curse coming.

And his hand, those lines, the unbreakable vow. What the fuck had he got himself into? What in merlin's name had he promised now? He was so careless with his own life, so sure of his lack of worth…

This was Albus' work and it made Serena furious.

She pulled her wand from her sleeve and focussed.

"Expecto Patronum."

She cursed as only silver swirls emerged from her wand. She was too angry. She took a deep breath and stretched her back reaching up to the ceiling before exhaling. She closed her eyes and stepped into her mind forest, feeling the slight breeze and hearing the rustling of the trees. She took her anger and pushed it gently away from her, sending it deeper and deeper into her forest until it was but a whisper in the wind. When she opened her eyes her body felt slightly limp and her neck hurt.

"Expecto Patronum," she said more confidently, conjuring the image of when she had first met Lavinia.

Her beautiful unicorn patronus pawed at the ground in front of her, waiting for its message.

"For Albus Dumbledore," she told it quietly. "I need to see you as soon as possible. I'll be waiting at Headquarters."

She watched as the unicorn bowed its head and then faded into a silvery mist.

She sighed and flopped down on her bed, waving her hand lazily to right and repair the mess she had made.

She watched as her possessions repaired themselves and then closed her eyes, tasting bitterness in her mouth.

She shouldn't be angry at Severus. She had known what type of man he was before she had agreed to bond herself to him. She had seen first-hand how he had tried to run away and protect himself instead of taking a risk. Not because he was a coward, definitely not, but because he had convinced himself that there was zero chance of him receiving anything but pain and humiliation in return. She shouldn't be surprised or shocked or outraged if he was pushing her away again. He was trying to protect himself, or protect her, and she needed to find out from what.

It was several hours until a quiet knock on her door interrupted her thoughts.

She touched up her makeup and smoothed down her hair before opening it. Remus looked at her with concerned eyes. "Albus has just arrived, he's in his office, he said you had asked to see him."

"I did," she said trying to give a small smile as she shut the door behind her and followed him out onto the landing. "Thanks."

"Serena-"

"We'll talk about it later," she said softly, not wanting to hurt him when she knew he was just trying to help.

He didn't look happy, but he nodded. "Ok. Later."

She entered Albus' office with her game face on. She had tried to ask nicely. She had tried smiling and being polite. And now she was done playing games.

He was sitting behind his desk in silver robes and his silver hat lay on the desk before him. "Serena," he smiled warmly, gesturing to the seat opposite him. "You wished to speak with me."

Serena shut the door and crossed the room to stand before him, leaning her two hands on the desk and looking Albus carefully in the eyes.

"Albus," she said in the steadiest voice she could muster. "I love you, you know I do, but I am done playing games. I need to know why Severus is shutting himself away. I need to know what you have asked him to do."

Albus had the nerve to look surprised. "But Serena, I told you just a few days ago that-"

"No," she interrupted sharply. "A few days ago you fobbed me off with some lies about not knowing why he was acting strangely. And now, you've made him take an unbreakable vow-"

"An unbreakable vow?" Albus sat up a little straighter and she could feel his blue eyes piercing her mind a little too intensely.

"You know what I'm talking about," she said in a hard voice, but something in the back of her mind wasn't so sure anymore. Albus had looked genuinely shocked to hear that he had taken a vow.

"I assure you, I do not, when was this? What did he say?"

"He didn't say anything," she said in a quieter tone. "He still had the lines on the back of his hand."

Albus frowned. "Well, as you can see I am as much in the dark as you are, he is your husband, Serena, I suggest you-"

Serena slammed her first down on the desk as rage pulsed through her blood at his taunting words.

"Not for much longer!" she snapped, "he'd be rid of me if he had the choice and it's all because of that night! I need to know, Albus! I need you to tell me what you know!"

"Serena I don't know anything more than I have already told you-"

"You're lying!" she half-shouted, leaning over Albus whose eyes had lost their twinkle. "I need to know! You have to tell me!"

"Speak with Severus," he said shortly, before smoothing down his robes and standing up. "I am rather busy, Serena if you don't mind." He gestured towards the door and she stood, in limbo, unsure of what to do.

Eventually she took a deep breath and shook her head. "And I thought you actually cared about his happiness… Apparently all you care about are your secret little plans…"

She didn't speak to Remus until the next day. It had been almost two weeks now since Albus had almost died. Two weeks since Severus had begun distancing himself from her and pushing her away. He had been avoiding her, coming to headquarters as little as possible, sending messages through one of the members, and she was sure that he had asked Albus to notify him when she was out.

Whenever she did see him it was from a distance. He looked awful, she remarked. His hair was permanently greasy now and his skin had taken on the sallow, yellow colour it did whenever he spent too long over a cauldron. He seemed to be repressing his limp again and occasionally she would spot the tremors of the cruciatus curse in his fingertips.

It had only been a few weeks but she felt helpless in the face of his stubbornness.

"What's going on?" Remus asked, pointing his wand at the bottle of wine she had summoned and sending the cork shooting out. She watched as the bottle poured them both a medium glass and then floated back down to the table.

"Cheers," she said in a flat voice, clinking glasses with Remus.

"So…" he pressed. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," she sighed heavily. "Just Severus being Severus… Really… it's nothing worth me moaning about and-"

"Serena." His voice was firm and he looked at her with narrowed eyes.

She sighed again. She felt guilty and pathetic telling Remus about the problems she had with Severus whilst Sirius was dead. She was sure that Remus would wish for nothing more than to have a row with Sirius or to be angry or upset with him.

As if sensing her thoughts, Remus reached out and took her hand in his. "Serena, darling, stop overthinking. You're my best friend, and something is not right with you and Severus at the moment. Tell me about it, please?"

She sipped her drink and then shrugged. "Ever since that night when Albus nearly died… he's been pushing me away again. He's been avoiding me and ignoring me and he's said some really horrible things to try and make me angry. The other day when you saw the aftermath of our fight, I'd confronted him about it… but he denied everything… he's hurting, Remus. He's in so much pain, and he's hurting me too. And I can't work out why.

"And… all I know is that someone is making him do something… he has taken an unbreakable vow."

"What?" Remus interrupted sharply, his eyes widening.

"Yeah," she said, looking down into her glass. "He had the lines on the back of his hand the other day… I don't know what he's promised or who he's made it to… I just know that he's thrown another little piece of his soul away…"

Remus grimaced and squeezed her hand. "And that's what you spoke to Albus about today, I imagine?"

"It's not the first time I've confronted Albus about it, but he denies all knowledge. He's lying to me."

"And do you think it could be like last time when Severus had to… do something he didn't want to?"

Serena thought for a moment and then shook her head. "No, I don't. The first time that happened Severus was terrified and ashamed, even though he had done it against his will. We agreed to be truthful if something similar happened again, and he has been. Each time, he has told me, in some way or another… So no, I don't think it's that."

"So what do you think it could be?"

She took another sip of wine and then rubbed her temples firmly. "I think… I think he is trying to protect me from something. Either from something he has done, you know how little self-worth he has, or from something he has to do… somehow, he thinks that the best way is to push me out and to go it alone. I've racked my brains, but I just can't work it out. I thought perhaps the Death Eaters had found out about me, but they haven't."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," she said distractedly, "I tricked our house elf into telling me…"

Remus seemed to think hard for a moment, opened his mouth, and then closed it again.

"What?" she said darkly, clearly spotting his reluctance to say something.

Remus hesitated. "I… I'm only saying this to make sure we have covered all of the options, okay? But… I mean… many, many relationships end in divorce-"

"Remus, really?" she said in a light tone, trying to hide her hurt. "I mean, you know as well as I do that Severus loves me-"

"I'm just saying it's worth considering," he said quickly.

"I can feel his emotions, remember?" she said quietly. "I felt them about a week ago… he loves me the same as he did on our wedding day…"

Remus nodded and cleared his throat. "Well, we can forget that possibility then. So… What are you going to do?"

"I have a plan," she said quietly, looking up at him through her lashes and giving him a small smile. "But I need your help."

Remus groaned but couldn't help smiling. "Why do I get the feeling I am not going to like this?"

She laughed. "Because you're not going to like this."

"Remus," Severus said curtly, wiping his boots on the rug and swiping his wet hair from his eyes impatiently. The rain had been pouring down all day. He crossed the hallway and followed Remus down into the kitchen. It was empty all but for Lavinia who was crawling in what Severus had labelled the baby paddock. She made strange sounds when she saw him and reached her little fists up towards him, but the gesture only made his insides tighten. Soon they would all hate him and Remus wouldn't let him anywhere near his child.

"This is Moody's report on the safe houses," Remus said to him, pointing at a tightly sealed scroll on the table. Severus pocketed it, feeling the wards set upon it accept his magical signature. "Everyone is out, I'm afraid, but Albus asked if you could leave these documents in your room here. He didn't want them lying about, but he wanted Serena to have access to them, they're something to do with international relations."

Severus frowned at this, but took the parchment and maps Remus had held out for him. "And I must leave them here?"

"Well, wherever both you and Serena can access them. She has wards on her bedroom, it's only you that can get in there, otherwise I'd have done it myself."

Severus made a non-committal sound, bored already by Remus' mumblings. The pain in his leg was reaching an unbearable peak and he knew he couldn't take any more pain potion for another hour. Not that it mattered if he got potion poisoning, he thought bitterly. He'd probably be just as dead as Albus within the year…

"Anything else?" he said shortly as the baby tried to form words from the floor. Severus thought he heard da da dadda and wondered curiously when she had started being able to call Remus.

"No," Remus said, his gaze turning to Lavinia. "Nothing else to report."

Severus gave a small bow and swept out of the room. He would drop off these reports and hurry back to Spinner's End. The Dark Lord had accepted that Pettigrew stay in Malfoy Manor for the time being, and Severus was free to brew his potions in peace. He could have told Serena, of course, but somehow, having Pettigrew as an excuse made everything all that easier.

He hurried up the stairs, trying not to limp as pain shot up into his thigh. He would have to take a hot bath, later.

He pushed open the door to their bedroom and stalked across the room to the small desk that Serena had installed near the window. He sat down heavily into the chair, stretching his leg out before him and unfolded the documents Remus had given him. He frowned. These were old copies of the blueprints of twelve Grimmauld Place, why had Remus given him-

Serena pulled off her disillusionment charm in a whirl, letting out the breath she had been holding since he had entered and walked straight past her. In a heartbeat she had mastered the situation, just as she had planned.

"expelliarmus," she hissed, catching his wand deftly in her hands and looking straight into his shocked eyes as she followed it up with a "petrificus corpus."

Severus grunted as his legs and arms snapped to the side of his body but his head turned to face her and his mouth opened in fury.

"Silencio! Don't," she said stiffly, looking at him with hard eyes. "Don't try and fight it and don't try and move. It's my modified version of the body bind, I've been meaning to try it for a while... Never thought it would be on you of course but- no Severus, I'm warning you really, you can move your head and shoulders but all that's going to serve you is falling flat into a humiliating position and I promise you I will leave you there to suffer if you fall. I'm past half-measures and playing nicely. You're playing dirty and so will I. You want to hurt me? Ill hurt you if I have to. Now you're going to sit tight and fucking listen to me."

Severus' lips were quivering with rage and his eyes were so wide that his eyeballs looked like they might pop out.

Serena had to take a deep breath and focus on her occlumency shields before she could continue. She was concentrating on keeping her face void of emotion but deep down she was terrified. This was one of those make-or-break moments and she was scared she would finally push him too far.

"I don't know why you're doing what you're doing, but I've had a lot of time to consider the possible reasons and come to a vague conclusion. You see, the first time you pushed me away, it was because you thought I could never love you. It was because of your low self-esteem, a lifetime of self-hatred and lack of worth. The second time you pushed me away was because of your shame over something you had been forced to do. You hated yourself because of your actions, and you thought that I deserved better.

So, I have focussed on those two times..." Serena could feel Severus trying to fight her curse but she held strong and let the power of her magic keep him immobile.

"So is it like the first time, and you're self-loathing is overwhelming you? Or is it like the second time, and you've been forced to do something horrific and you want to protect me from it ?

"I did genuinely believe that we had made progress with the first point. I love you, Severus. And you know why. You know how much I value and admire you. How you blow me away with every selfless action you do and how you bare every shitty weight that gets put on your shoulders. You know how handsome I find you, how much you turn me on and fill my body with desire. So I don't think it can be the first reason.

"Which leaves the second." She gritted her teeth and grounded her magic as Severus threw all of his strength against her spells.

"Please stop fighting," she said in a smaller voice that she had wanted.

He looked at her with angry eyes and his eyes tried to bare into hers. She lowered her own to look at his hands instead.

"So, the second option," she sighed heavily. "Would be that you have committed some horrific act, worse than anything we've got through before, and that you can't overcome your guilt and you want to protect me from it because you think I deserve better...

"And I... I don't know how to make you understand that I don't care what you've done, Severus. I really don't. And-and the fact that you're behaving this way makes me think that perhaps it isn't something that the Dark Lord has forced you to do... Perhaps it's something that you have done of your own will. But it doesn't matter to me, my love." She moved closer now, settling onto her knees and putting one hand on his rigid leg. He was shaking his head now but she knew that if she looked up at his face she wouldn't be able to continue. "I don't care what you've done, I will always be by your side and I will forgive you, I will. We have fought through so much, Severus... Nothing will stop us... I will never give up on this relationship, never, but it's a lot harder when I'm fighting against you at the same time."

She sniffed as a runny nose started to betray her feelings and stood up.

"I'm sorry I had to do this, but I just didn't know what else to do..."

She walked slowly over to the desk, ignoring how his shoulders twisted to try and get nearer to her. She placed his wand delicately onto the wooden desk and went to stand near the bed.

"I'll release you in a moment," she said quietly, "I only ask that you stay and talk to me, the door is warded, it will take you a while to get through my charms, and I would rather we use the time to try and sort this mess out. If you need to curse me, then by all means, go ahead, I understand that you feel that I deserve it… I only did what I felt was necessary." She took a deep breath and looked fixedly into his black, furious eyes.

"Finite," she whispered.