Chapter 65.
As soon as he heard they had arrived, Sam went to the garage to greet Cas and Jules. The first thing he noticed was that Cas opened the car door for Jules and then, as she stepped out, she said something to him and he smiled. He closed the door carefully and saw Sam.
"Hello, Sam." he said.
"Hello, yourself." said Sam, "You're looking about a thousand times better than you did last time I saw you."
"Yes." said Cas, with an infuriating lack of explanation.
Jules came over to him. "How are you doing, Sam?"
"I'm okay." he said and she nodded and smiled and pretended to believe it. "Nice ring." he said. She rarely wore jewellery and it was a little hard to miss the sudden addition.
"We're betrothed." said Cas.
"Wow!" said Sam, a little taken day before, he had felt Cas was all but lost for good and the last thing he had expected was an announcement like that. "Congratulations." he said.
"Unconventional, I know." said Jules, "But it seemed to fit our situation better than anything else."
"No, whatever works." said Sam. He didn't care what they called it or what the details might be. Cas was smiling and his eyes no longer seemed as if they were staring into the abyss. He hugged her. "It's great! I'm happy for both of you."
"It's the wrong time," said Cas, "Maybe the worst time, but I had to come to a decision. I had to make some kind of ... " His voice trailed away.
"I get it." said Sam, "Yesterday, you were drifting and then you realised you had an anchor. It's not the wrong time at all. You chose hope over despair. We all need to do that right now."
"How bad is it?" said Cas.
Sam almost repeated that he was okay, but the past twenty-four hours had shown that honesty mattered within the immediate family and Cas would know he was lying and would feel pushed away when he had only just chosen family over fatalism. "It's bad." he said, "But getting you back makes it a lot easier to handle the rest."
"Maybe we should meet at the Krak later." said Cas.
"That sounds like a good idea." said Sam.
"I should find Mary." said Cas, "We're going out for coffee."
Jules kissed his cheek and Sam smiled as the angel turned bashful. "I'll see you later, Castiel." she said.
"Mom's in the kitchen." said Sam.
"Take care of my betrothed for me." said Cas.
"Yeah, no problem."
When Cas had gone, Sarah said, "He seems better, doesn't he?"
"Much better. Being around you is good for him. How about you?"
"Last night, I didn't think he'd be coming home. Things are so much better today. Truth is, I can handle anything when he's near and I know he's safe."
"This betrothal thing ... Is there anything I should know?"
She gave a small shrug. "It's no big thing to anyone else, but for him, it's a giant leap forward. We're still not ... I mean, I think I have to accept that we may never be ... But we are together and together is good."
"Together is great. Look, don't give up on all the rest. He's moving slow, but he is moving forward."
"On the way here, I put my hand on his thigh. I thought I'd have to resuscitate him. He liked it, but the fact that he liked it freaked him out. I keep telling myself it's because Dean is missing, but it's not just that. He's terrified and maybe the kindest thing is just to stick with the stuff he's comfortable with."
"I'm not sure Cas is ever comfortable." he said.
"He likes kissing. He likes hugs and snuggling up together at night. And really, if that's all I get, it's enough. I'd rather have him with all his weird little insecurities and taboos than wild, athletic sex with anyone else. He loves me. For a worldless refugee, suffering night terrors, that's a lot."
"You get those too, huh?"
"Free with every apocalyptic war."
"I wonder if Dean still does. I wonder if he has enough consciousness left." said Sam.
"When we get him back, we can ask him and work out the truth by what lies he tells."
They smiled at each other. Even in such uncertain times, each found comfort in a moment of honesty. The act each put on was exhausting.
"What can you tell me about souls?" she said.
"Nature of, value of, lack of?"
"As a power source for angels." she said.
"Come to the library and I'll tell you everything I know. Of course, Cas can tell you more."
"Don't worry, I'll be talking to Cas about it. I just need to marshal my facts first."
"You have some kind of plan?" he said, as they began walking to the library.
"Not yet. I'm just trying to find anything we could use to zap Michael without destroying Dean."
"There are risks to the human involved." he said.
"I know. Obviously, part of the plan will involve mitigating those risks."
"Good. As temporary leader, I don't plan to sanction any suicide missions."
"Temporary leader?"
"That wasn't the important part of the sentence." he said.
"Suicide is not my style and I wouldn't ask anyone else to throw their lives away either."
"Good. You're kinda vital right now to keep the angel from self-destructing."
"That's my main mission." she said, "It feels like my job to take care of him."
"Not alone. It takes a bunker to protect an angel."
"Knowing that you feel that way helps a lot, Sam. It would be a lot to deal with alone. But I know you have Dean to think about."
"Yeah, well, finding Dean is not going great, so it's good to have something I can actually do. Although, I admit, yesterday mae it pretty clear I'm not much good at it."
"He didn't contact me yesterday until he came home. I think you underestimate your importance to him."
As they entered the empty library, Sam said, "So, you touched his thigh, huh?"
"I had stopped the car."
"I wasn't accusing you."
"I like his thighs."
"Yeah, well, don't give up on the rest of him. Cas could surprise you. Things change, people change, hairstyles change."
"Interest rates fluctuate." she said, completing the quote.
They grinned at each other. "Thanks." he said, "It's like having Dean back for a second."
