Author's note: This is it people…. The moment has arrived! About BLOODY TIME I know…. Enjoy. 😊
Chapter 67 - The trouble with Pandoa's box is….
Phoenix P.O.V
In a matter of moments, I had covered the distance across the bay to Point Marianne and ''our beach.'' I had circled once above, my optics searching for the one mech I both hated and loved in equal measure at this point in time. My optics located him within seconds.
He stood halfway down the beach, what little light the stars and moon cast this evening were being reflected off his armour. He was like a lighthouse emitting flashes of light every now and then as he shifted, nervously, from pede to pede. However, this lighthouse was drawing me in – wanting me to approach – not desperately seeking to send me away. I saw his helm tip up towards me as I began my descent, and I noticed his large, powerful form tense slightly as he waited.
I landed further down the beach away from him, transforming gracefully and immediately back in robot mode. I stood there for a moment, watching him. Ordinarily at the sight of Prime, my spark would speed up and pulse rapidly. I would feel a sense of joy and happiness such as I have never felt with anyone before, not even Chase. All I would want, was to be near him and with him.
Now, I didn't know what I wanted.
I stood there with my servos clenched by my sides, torn in two. A part of me wanted to run to him and be enveloped in his arms and sob my pain out to him while he soothed the hurt away. The other part of me wanted to be nowhere near him as it was, he who had caused this intense pain and hurt that seemed to be consuming me from the inside out. It was he who had caused that pain by making me question if he ever really cared for me personally, or whether I was just some sense of duty to be fulfilled.
At that thought I felt my dermas tighten into a thin line of anger and I felt fire course through me. /Time to find out once and for all I guess/. I began to stalk towards him, my optics blazing.
Prime turned towards me, his face filled with sorrow and pain. His servos were not clenched in fists but rather hanging limply by his side, as though all the fight had gone out of him. I stilled momentarily in my approach, I felt some of the fire inside me die as I took in his appearance.
He looked as I had felt.
For a mech such as Optimus Prime, who was usually so sure and strong, so regal and so confident, to look so hurt, so full of sorrow and regret, so full of uncertainty and pain, it was indeed unsettling. He must have taken my slight hesitation as an opportunity to capture my attention and begin to plead his case as I heard his deep voice shatter the night air and the tension between us.
''Phoenix, please, forgive me.'' I took my final steps to close the distance between us, and he began to stretch out a servo towards me, as if begging me reconnect with him. I stopped in my tracks and folded my arms across my chest, silently rebuking his offer.
Prime's servo stilled for a moment before he slowly withdrew it and held both of them up before him in appeasement and supplication. ''Phoenix, I… I am SO very sorry for what I said before. The way I acted towards you. You must know…''
I tersely cut him off, my tone filled with icy anger and dripping in pain, ''Know? All I KNOW Prime, is that YOU promised MY CHASE that you would keep me safe always, that you would protect me forever more. That YOU would do your duty and suffer my presence so that HE could rest easy and YOU could ease your conscience!'' The words were spat out like venom and Prime visibly recoiled at the incandescent rage rolling off me as my smaller frame shook with the strength of my emotions.
He closed his optics and started to shake his helm slowly from side to side, ''Oh Phoenix, that is not…''
I did not allow him to go on, I had to get these poisonous thoughts and feelings out of me, they had to be leeched out otherwise they would slowly consume me and taint every last feeling I had towards him. I screamed at him, allowing the pain that was trying desperately to find a way out, some release, ''HOW DARE YOU PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT ME, MAKE ME THINK YOU CARED ABOUT ME, BACK WHEN I WAS OC AND NOW AS PHOENIX, WHEN IN REALITY YOU NEVER DID, I WAS JUST SOME SELF-APPOINTED PRIVATE MISSION YOU SET FOR YOURSELF!'' I was right in his face now, my servo pointed at his chest accusingly as I continued to vent.
Prime made no move to defend himself, he simply stood there and allowed me to tear strips off him. I continued my rant, ''You had NO right to make such a promise Prime, especially one you KNOW you can't keep!'' I felt a sob hitch in my chest as I recalled his death yet again.
He reached for me and I shoved him back from me angrily. I saw a flash of fire in his optics too, but he quickly tampered it down and continued to stand there, impassively taking whatever I dished out to him. ''You promised to care for me for as long as the sun and moon endured and look at what you have done to me! YOU BROKE MY SPARK!'' I screamed at him again.
My optics held such pain and betrayal in them it made him look away from him for a moment and cycle deeply as he fought to control his own emotions. ''Do you have any idea how it feels to think someone you look up to and admire, cares for you deeply, inspires you to return those same feelings,'' his helm snapped back towards me and he took a step closer to me but did not reach out to touch me, ''only to discover it was all just some act, some lie?'' I shook my helm at him, ''how do I know if anything between us was real? How do I know if you ever truly cared for me? How can I trust you Prime?'' I hung my helm in utter dejection and sorrow, and I brought my arms about my waist trying desperately to console myself as I stood before him so raw and broken. After a moment I sunk to my knees and then onto the ground as I brought my knees up under my chin, hugging myself close.
I was vaguely aware of Prime moving to sit near me though I did not speak, I had nothing left to say. I hurt.
A tentative voice tested the swirling emotional current, ''Phoenix, may I please explain and respond to what you have said?'' I nodded almost imperceptibly. Prime gave an audible sigh and turned in his sitting position to face me as best he could. ''Phoenix, let me start by once again, earnestly and sincerely saying how truly sorry I am for what and how I said what I said earlier this evening,'' he shook his helm, ''you have no idea how sorry I am.'' He sighed yet again. ''Phoenix, you would have every right to be angry and distrustful of me IF that was indeed the truth of the matter, but I assure you, from the bottom of my spark, that what transpired between us tonight was a misunderstanding – driven mainly by my own insecurities and fears and inability to convey my own true emotions.'' There was a self-depreciating tone in his voice as well as a sense of deep irritation at himself. I forced myself to look at him, blinking my optics. He smiled back at me, a soft, gentle and sad smile that made my spark flutter.
''Oh Phoenix, yes I did make that promise to Chase that night,'' as he saw me tense, he quickly continued, ''but it was done with pure and honest intentions. Yes, I wanted to honour his memory by keeping safe the person he loved in life and ensure they stayed safe,'' I felt myself close my optics in pain and recalled grief even as Prime continued, ''but I also made that promise to Chase Phoenix, because I cared about you and I wanted to make sure no harm came to you. Oh Phoenix, you have NEVER been a burden or sense of duty to me EVER and I am incredibly regretful and sorry that you felt that way even for a moment. It is simply not true.''
He started to reach out towards me again and although I felt myself tense, I made no move to withdraw. After a moment, I felt his servo touch my arm. Instant fire spread through me, a warmth and a need. Prime must have felt something too as he paused and closed his optics.
I forced myself to speak, ''But… but you said you made a vow to Chase to watch over me and keep me safe at all costs. That you cannot lose me – you simply couldn't. What did you mean by that? Because to me it sounded as though you had to protect me so you could uphold your promise to Chase and that if I was to be killed you would be neglectful in your promise and sense of honour towards Chase.'' I looked at him imploringly, begging him to explain himself.
Prime gave a small snort, ''What? You think that is the ONLY reason I cannot lose you Phoenix?'' He shook his helm and spoke in a sad and wistful tone, ''Oh Phoenix, that could not be further from the truth!''
''Well, what is the bloody truth Prime? DO YOU or do you NOT actually care about ME Optimus Prime?'' I had removed my arms from about my waist and I had turned to face him. He sat there staring at me, his optics flickered over my face, searching. My voice rose in frustration and uncertainty, ''Well, DO you?'' I had to know.
Optimus continued to stare at me for a spark beat. I could not read what he was thinking. His optics were bright and intense and filled with fire.
But he did not speak.
In one swift movement his servos came up behind my helm and pulled me towards him. In that instant, my world was turned upside down as his dermas captured mine in an intense and searing kiss that said what words could not.
Longing, desperation, fear, joy, passion, hope, need.
Without thought I felt my own servos come up to grab his face and pull him into me, deepening our kiss, sighing out loud all at once as I felt my spark fill with such warmth, happiness and desire. All the pain and anger I had been feeling evaporated. All reason was gone, I did not care if this was wrong, it felt too right. I did not realise how much I wanted this with him, from him. How much I wanted and needed him.
I could feel him venting heavily as he tried to cool his systems, my own cooling systems had kicked in too. Neither of us pulled away. For what seemed an eternity we sat there clinging to each other as though one of us would disappear if we loosened our hold, our dermas locked together as we gave in to our unspoken feelings.
I felt his strong servos grip my helm almost painfully as he drew me deeper into the kiss. Without warning I felt him move his body to push me down to the ground, pinning me beneath him as he sought to claim me. I felt surrounded by him, enveloped. It was intoxicating and I arched my body up, delighting in the feel of him against me. He moaned out loud again into our kiss and removed his iron like grip from my helm, his servos coming to rest either side of my shoulders as he tried to take the considerable weight of his frame.
For a moment I caught his optics as he gazed down at me. They were dark with desire and love. A feral, raw need burned in them as he bent his helm and once again, continuing to possess me. I moaned into his dermas and willingly let him.
I was his. Always was, always would be.
All at once, as quickly as it had happened, Prime's dermas left mine and he scurried back, a look of wonder and yet panic crossing his features. ''Phoenix! I… I.. I'm sorry I should not have done that! I'm sorry, I just needed to show… please, please forgive me!'' While he kept his distance, one of his arms was outstretched as if beseeching me to hear his impassioned pleas.
I sat there, torn between utter shock and feeling bereft of his dermas on mine, his body against me. I cycled air quickly as I struggled to comprehend what had just happened between us, the random thought fluttered through my processor, /Well, Pandora's box is well and truly opened now! Flung open in spectacular style/. I still could not speak as the sensations continued to flood my systems. I was on fire. All I could do was stare at him as if ''seeing'' him for the first time.
''Phoenix? Are you okay? Please, say something!'' Prime's face was twisted in torment as he waited for me to either reject or accept his apology.
I turned my gaze to him, taking him in. /Primus but he is so handsome!/. I had always felt some kind of attraction to Prime, since I first met him, he had the kind of aura about him that demanded attention, regardless of species. As my optics flickered over his frame, I saw him in a whole new light. I could neither hide nor contain my feelings for him.
Any trace of hostility, mistrust or anger I had felt towards him over our misunderstanding was gone. It was a slow path to realisation, hampered by my own unwillingness to somehow admit the truth and depth of my feelings, passing them off as ridiculous and one sided. But now, after that kiss, a flame ignited inside me, quickly consuming me, hope burned as bright as the sun and realisation crashed down upon me like a thunderous wave.
I wanted him. I needed him. I loved him! I loved him desperately. That is why I had been so upset. I had loved him so much that the thought he did not care for me at all, rocked me to my core.
My spark pulsed strongly in its casing as this realisation flowed through me, as if my spark itself was finally applauding my awakening. I brought my gaze to rest firmly upon his handsome, yet panicked, visage. /With Pandora's box opened now, there is no going back. For better or worse, we move forward – now!/.
I slowly raised myself to my knees and made to stand, Prime mirrored my actions, swiftly getting to his pedes and cautiously offering to help me. I accepted his servo and felt the fire burn through me. /This is real, this is true/.
Prime continued to dart concerned optics over my face as he whispered, ''Phoenix, please. I beg you, say something. I am sorry, I…''
I raised a servo and placed it over his dermas to still his apology. I stepped closer to him until our chassis were touching. Electricity seemed to course through me, between us. My spark sped up. I fixed my optics on Prime's and his widened as he must have read my emotions. He seemed to still and I removed my servo, bringing both of them to rest gently on his shoulders.
Prime brought his servos up to hold me about my waist, his chest seemed to rise and fall rapidly as he too cycled air furiously, sensing this change between us and what was possibly about to happen.
I closed my optics for a moment as I summoned every ounce of courage and strength from within my soul and I spoke in a steady and earnest voice, ''Prime. You have nothing to be sorry for,'' I felt myself smile. ''If anything, I should be thanking you, for having the courage to do what I have been unable or unwilling to do for many years now due to my own insecurities and blindness. I should be thanking you for opening my optics to see something I had felt was there but did not dare hope to believe it could be true.''
I reached a servo up to gently caress his cheek and he leant into my touch, closing his optics momentarily. /How could I have been so blind, he has always cared for me, maybe even loved me too/.
When he opened them again his voice was but a whisper as he gazed down at me, disbelief and hope burning in his optics, ''Phoenix.. what… what are you saying? Do you,'' he paused a moment as he too seemed to try and summon the courage to speak, ''Do you feel more for me than just a deep friendship?'' His optics searched mine desperately seeking an answer to his question. He brought a servo up to cup my cheek. Fire and ice burned at the contact. His optics burned into mine.
I stood on the tips of my pedes and moved my servos behind his helm, gently requesting he lower his helm down to mine, mimicking the gesture we shared over three years ago in the Med Bay. As I felt his helm touch mine and our servos grasp each other's faces, I knew in the deepest parts of my soul that this, this was right. We were right. We belonged together.
I smiled against his helm as I moved in to capture his dermas once again. My voice held a slightly teasing tone to it as the distance between us disappeared, ''What do you think?'' Once again, our dermas conveyed what words could not as I gently captured his lip components in a soft, slow and deep kiss. I wrapped my arms about his helm and pulled him in towards me as I tried to let all my feelings, all of my need, my want, my love, my desire burst forth and flow through my dermas into his, from my spark and into his.
Prime groaned into the kiss and pressed his chassis closer to mine. Moving his strong arms to wrap tightly about my waist, he momentarily pulled me off my pedes as he brought me close against his frame in desperation and need.
My name was whispered like a prayer as he hungrily devoured my dermas. His glossa danced teasingly along my dermas seeking permission to enter so he might taste me. I willingly submitted, my own glossa snaking out to explore and taste of him. My servos dug into his helm painfully as I clung to him and I heard him groan in pleasure yet again as I claimed him for my own.
My processor raced as it tried to sift through all the emotions raging inside of me and the depths of feelings Prime was returning made my soul sing. I kept my optics closed. I never wanted this moment to end.
So long.
Without even knowing it, I had waited so long for this moment between us. Truly, nothing else existed in this moment except, Prime, me and our stars that shone down upon us, silent witnesses to this new and exciting journey we had finally embarked on together.
Eventually, we slowly pulled apart, Prime placed a chaste kiss on my helm and brought one of my servos up to his dermas and kissed it before placing it above his spark. A huge smile was plastered over his face as he looked down at me. ''MY Phoenix,'' he whispered voice filled with amazement and not a little tone of possession. ''I'll take that as a yes?''
I laughed out loud, ''Yes, MY Optimus, that is indeed a YES!'' My optics shone with joy and happiness as I felt his spark thrum under my servo, pulsing as rapidly as mine had been. ''I have felt more for you than friendship for some time now, I was just too scared and too afraid that you would not share my feelings and I would somehow lose you.'' I looked embarrassed for a moment, ''That is why I was so upset when you told me about your promise, it sounded as though you didn't care for me when I knew how much I cared for you.'' I placed my helm against his broad chest. ''There was also the concern that you are 'The Prime'' and, as such, unattainable for one such as me.'' A sadness passed over me.
Prime closed his optics, kissed my servo again and sighed as he placed a digit under my chin in that familiar gesture and raised my face to meet his, his gaze expressing a sense of regretful happiness, ''Oh my Phoenix, I have always cared for you, please don't ever doubt that again.'' He shook his helm and sighed, ''one such as you? I can think of no one more worthy than you, or more deserving of my affections and attentions.''
He bent to kiss me once more and I savoured the touch of his dermas against mine, the taste of him yet again. Pulling away he spoke in a rueful tone, ''How foolish we both have been. Until now, I had felt just like you. Knowing I felt more than friendship yet too afraid to speak to you of it for fear that YOU would not return my feelings and I would lose you! The thought of not having you in my life was more than I could bear so I kept silent. Waiting, hoping, that one day, I might be able to tell you and show you how I felt.''
Once again, I laughed out loud as I shook my helm in surprise at how blind we had both been. Prime sighed deeply and caressed my cheek, ''how I love your laugh Phoenix, always have.''
I captured his servo in mine and kissed it as I smiled mischievously up at him, ''Well Prime, I guess one day has finally arrived. So… how do you feel about me?'' I raised an optic ridge as I teasingly requested, he open his spark to me and lay bare his feelings.
Prime arched his own optic ridge in reply, an equally teasing tone filling his baritone voice as he spoke in a low and suggestive tone, ''I would be more than happy to once again show you how I feel Phoenix,'' and he moved to capture my dermas again, but I held my servo out to stop him.
''I can't believe I just did that, 'cause believe me, I want that, but, first I want to hear how you feel about me Prime, please, tell me.'' I lay my helm against his chest and revelled in the feel of his strong arms wrapping around me and his chin resting upon my helm as his voice reverberated through me.
''As you wish my Phoenix,'' and he placed a light kiss on my helm before he drew back slightly and lifted my chin to once again stare into his optics. '''Though I doubt there are enough hours left in the night to express all that I feel for you,'' and he smiled down at me in wonder.
I felt my spark burst with such joy and love at this new side to Prime, that I could not contain myself. I surged forward and kissed him yet again. At first, he was shocked but soon returned my kiss with equal passion. After a moment I pulled away from him, ''breathing'' deeply as I fought to regain my composure. ''Sorry Prime, I ah, couldn't help myself.''
He gave a low chuckle, ''Oh, don't be sorry Phoenix. I would gladly do that with you all night but, I thought you wanted to hear how I felt about you?'' His tone was teasing as he reached out for me to step closer to him again.
I gave him a playful slap on the shoulder strut as I stepped towards him, ''Impertinent Prime!''
''About time I got to return the favour!'' he smiled at me and wrapped his arms about me again.
I shook my helm in no small amount of wonder. /How easily we seem to have recovered from our fight and misunderstanding and made the transition from friends to…. Well, whatever we are now/. ''Okay, okay, I deserved that, but seriously Prime,'' I sighed deeply, ''How do you feel about me?'' I looked up into his optics hopefully.
He brushed a cheek with his digit as gazed down at me, ''Phoenix I…'' he began to speak when his comm went off.
