When they both stumbled out of the fire into the living room at Spinners End, Serena didn't know what to say or do.

She stood, like a stranger, in the middle of the house she had once called home, and let her eyes roam around the cold, dark room which had lost all warmth and familiarity in a matter of weeks.

The mirror over the fireplace had been spelled to reflect a black wall, and their reflections weren't visible. A half-empty bottle of cognac stood on the coffee table, next to four half-empty plates with food from the last few days in various stages of decomposition. She smelt fish and damp and even the unmistakable odour of stale cigarette smoke.

Her eyes flickered to Severus now. His expression was no longer guarded, but unsure and ashamed.

"Is it safe for me to be here?" She said in not more than a whisper, wondering if Wormtail was upstairs.

Severus cleared his throat and nodded, moving to his armchair and slinging himself into it carelessly. "Yes," he said quietly. "Pettigrew... No longer lives here."

Serena felt her heart skip a beat. Did this mean they could move in together again? Why had Severus not told her? She swallowed and knitted her fingers together, trying to stay calm despite everything that was whirring in her mind.

"Is he... Alive?"

Severus sighed and nodded. "I didn't kill him, if that's what you're asking. I... Threw him out... He resides at Malfoy Manner now."

"The Dark Lord can't have been very happy with that," she muttered, trying not to imagine the punishment Severus must have received for going against his orders.

Severus didn't reply.

"So... It's safe ?"

"Yes," he said gruffly, pointing his finger at the bottle of cognac and uncorking it once it had flown towards him.

He looked at her questioningly and she nodded, aware she was still standing in the middle of the living room. She watched as Severus poured them both a glass and took a large sip. She walked, as though in a daze, to the sofa and sunk down into it, clutching her glass between her two hands.

She didn't know what to say. She didn't know where to begin or what horrific problem to tackle first.

Albus was dying.

It was the first time she let that news sink in. Albus was going to die. Albus, who had transformed her life, given her a second chance, treated her like a daughter from the very beginning...

Somehow, the wizarding world without Albus Dumbledore seemed unimaginable.

And yet... Despite all the sentiment she had for Albus, all the gratitude and love... All she could feel was anger and hatred.

She swallowed.

"Why did you need to leave?" She said in a voice that sounded foreign to her ears. "I had so much more to say to him, he needs to hear the wreckage he is creating instead of closing his eyes to all the consequences."

Severus' eyes fluttered shut and when they opened again they seemed slightly flat and disconnected.

"Because I might have fulfilled my promise a little earlier than expected had we not left."

"Oh."

So he was as angry and as out of control as her then, even if his outer façade showed nothing of the torment below.

They sat in silence for another minute.

"Will you forgive me?"

Serena's eyes widened at his softly posed question. Severus wasn't looking at her, but she could see how perturbed he was.

"There is nothing to forgive," she said quietly, and meant it. "You behaved foolishly, but I cannot honestly say that I would have acted differently had it been me… You were trying to protect me. And trying to protect yourself too, I suppose… I am only disappointed that you underestimated the strength of our relationship."

"I don't underestimate it," he said sharply.

"Then how could you ever expect me to walk away from you?"

He ground his teeth and his black eyes finally met hers. "If I had pushed you hard enough, I would have succeeded. I can be very cruel if I need to."

"If you need to," she agreed lightly. "But I would have seen through you, Severus. I did see through you."

"Your friends would have helped you turn away from me."

"Even my friends don't believe the lie," she said softly. "Remus knows how much you love me."

"Which is part of the problem," he burst angrily. "How will they ever believe you knew nothing about this? How will they consider that you didn't know I was a true Death Eater all along-"

"You're getting ahead of yourself," she interrupted quickly. "We don't even know if you'll have to do this yet, maybe Malfoy will do it first or maybe Albus will die of natural causes or-"

"Albus is right… this is the only way to make the Dark Lord trust and confide in me. With Albus gone, I presume that I shall be made Headmaster of the school… I will have control of Hogwarts and I will be able to finally give the Order some useful information."

Severus' voice was bitter and resigned. She wanted to argue with him, she wanted to shout and shake him and force him to admit that there was another way. She wanted him to fight for their future and fight for his life, but she knew it was of no use. If Severus had been ready to give up their marriage and to leave her alone in this world then it was because there was no other way. And even if there was another way, it was not justifiable to give up a chance of finishing this war once and for all just so the two of them could be selfishly happy. They had already talked about that at the beginning of their relationship. They knew the risks involved and they knew that with Severus' position they would never lead a normal life, but they took what they had and were grateful for the little that it was.

Serena swallowed as thin, red lines across pale skin flashed to the forefront of her mind.

"Tell me about the vow."

Severus gritted his teeth and she watched as his fingers flexed and unflexed around his glass.

"I was already destined to kill Albus, when the opportunity arose I used that knowledge to secure allies. In the Dark Lord's ranks there are always whispers and rumours. No one really ever trust anyone… With Lucius and the others in prison- although an escape is imminent- my position has been greatly helped, the others are jealous. I am accused of treachery daily. It is very important that the Dark Lord does not listen to those rumours." Severus paused and pursed his lips slightly. "I made my vow to Narcissa Malfoy. I promised her that I would protect Draco from the path the Dark Lord has set him on, and that I would do the deed instead of him if ever I needed to."

"Narcissa has always trusted you," Serena said quietly. "Why would she ask you to promise that? She knows you are always trying to look out for Malfoy-"

"It was not Narcissa I was hoping to convince… it was her sister."

Serena's mouth dropped open and she almost dropped her glass as she slid forward to the edge of her seat. "Bellatrix? You made an unbreakable vow in front of Bellatrix Lestrange? But- oh my god she bound you didn't she? Was- was she in this house?" Serena stood up suddenly, turning around wildly as though expecting to see Bellatrix standing there. Her wild hair enveloping her hollow, evil eyes and leering at her with yellow teeth and a gaunt face.

Severus was on his feet too now, one hand outstretched as though he wanted to touch her but couldn't.

"She was here," he said calmly. "Narcissa came to me for help. Bellatrix suggested the vow thinking that I would never accept it. When I did, she was astounded… the Dark Lord will never know why, but Bellatrix has stopped doubting my loyalty."

Serena took a deep breath and held the mantlepiece tight to steady herself. Her world was spinning out of control and she felt as though she was grasping helplessly at the thin seams that remained.

"So… you have to kill Albus. And if you don't… you'll die?"

"I have to help Draco," Severus corrected calmly. "And that will mean doing the deed in his place. If everything goes to plan."

Serena looked up into his tired, drawn face, unsure what she felt at that moment, but in awe at his calm and acceptance. She reached up her hand slowly and rested it on his chest, just as she had in Albus' office. She could feel the steady beat of his heart pulsing beneath her palm.

"Are you able to kill Albus?" she asked quietly, letting the question hang over them as Severus tensed under her touch.

After a long silence he finally let his shoulders relax and let out the breath he had been holding.

"I don't know," he replied truthfully.

She bit her lip unconsciously and very slowly stepped closer to him. She gently pressed her cheek against his body this time, resting it on his shoulder and rubbing her hand up and down his chest as though she could somehow pass her strength through it into him.

Slowly, Severus' arms wrapped around her and pulled her tighter against him. He hugged her fiercely, one hand cupping the back of her head and the other pinning her body to him. "I'm sorry," he said gruffly into her hair.

"No," she mumbled into his robes. "No, don't be sorry. Not for this… I am the one that is sorry. Sorry for the choices that have been stolen from you. We'll be okay, Sev? You know that, don't you? We'll be okay you and I. We have to be."

Severus held her tighter still and she felt the cold dread seeping from his skin to her own.

"How can we be?" he said finally in a quiet, uncertain tone that reminded her strangely of a child.

She pulled back from him slightly and raised a hand to his face again, stroking his cheek softly, trying to push away the darkness that radiated from him. "Because we don't have a choice. So we'll find a way. We always find a way. Okay?"

Severus half-shrugged, half-nodded and she pulled him gently with her back to the sofa. They lowered themselves slowly onto it and Serena crawled into Severus' lap, nestling herself against his chest and closing her eyes as his arms cradled her.

She breathed in deeply and then wrinkled her nose.

"Elizabeth?"

Crack.

The small elf looked simply delighted to see the two of them together again, but Severus must have given her a glare because the mouth she had opened to exclaim her joy suddenly closed with an audible snap.

"Mistress Serena?" Elizabeth greeted them in a restrained voice, her ears straight and pointed with happiness. "You are here, Mistress. What can Elizabeth do for you?"

Serena smiled at the little elf. "Elizabeth, please could you give the house a bit of a clean and get rid of these dirty plates please? And we may need something to eat in about an hour or so."

"Oh yes! Yes! Elizabeth will be most honoured!" the elf shrieked, bouncing from one foot to another happily. She bowed very low, her nose almost touching the floor, and then began to clean and tidy, moving from one room to the next like a tornado.

Serena settled back against Severus' chest. "Sorry, but I couldn't quite stand that fish smell. Oh, and we need to talk about your new smoking habit."

Severus' chest rose as he let out a small laugh, and she could feel the tension sliding off him and melting away. He had carried this news alone for weeks, she realised. He must have been very sad and very lonely.

After a long moment, Severus sighed heavily. "This is pointless, Serena, do you realise that? Do you understand that we are just kidding ourselves if we think that we'll be ok?"

"Of course I know that, Severus," she said calmly, realising it was true. "Of course I do." No, there was no way they could stay together after Severus… did what he had to do… not unless… Serena had a dark thought, but she stored it away quickly into her mind forest. It would not do for Severus to get angry now.

"Let's just sit here for a while," she said quietly, beathing in his smell deeply and appreciating the warmth of his body. "Just ten minutes… and then… and then we'll come crashing back down to reality and deal with this…"

She thought that Severus must think her naïve, but she didn't care. She just wanted to hold him and smell him and feel him against her body and be grateful that he was still alive. She didn't know how many more moments like this they might have together, but one thing was certain, there weren't many.

Severus Snape sat on his sofa and held his wife to him as though it was the last time he would ever hold her.

His emotions, which had been up and down like a cursed broomstick since that afternoon, were in complete turmoil. He was having trouble discerning what he was feeling and categorising his thoughts. His mind palace was a mess. He had slipped inside it as he held her to him, but his construct of Hogwarts castle was in such disorder that it made him feel sick. The sky was filled with crashes of lightening and thunder, but strange rays of sunlight burst through now and again, shining through the castle windows in a warm, orange haze. There were several heavily guarded rooms deep in the depths of his dungeons which had doors standing wide open now, and he knew that parts of his dark, Death Eater persona were walking the castle, free. There were secret passages connecting all of his more active knowledge for spells and attacking, and he was aware that his magic was currently very difficult to control. He hadn't been joking with Serena when he had said he might have killed Albus had they have stayed. He knew also that his mind wanted nothing more than to lie down with Serena and switch everything else off, but he couldn't afford himself anymore than ten minutes. Delusion was poison. If you let it take over too much it got into your blood and seeped into your bones.

He pulled himself out of his mind and opened his eyes. His face was full of soft blonde hair and his arms cradled her warmth. He could feel the constant rise and fall of her chest and felt her small hands clutching at his robes, holding him as close as possible.

He wondered how he could have been ready to say goodbye to this, to hurt her and push her away and accept a life without her in it. But really, he reminded himself, it didn't matter whether he had chosen it or not. Either way, Serena would be out of his life. He wouldn't drag her through the mud, they would have to find a way to make her look naïve and uninvolved.

Severus would kill Albus and everyone would turn against him; He hoped they would sympathise with Serena, believe that she had been hoodwinked as they all had. Perhaps they could even spin a tale about a love potion. Most of the Order suspected it anyway, and a lie was always easier to believe if there was some sort of logical half-truth behind it.

He breathed in her hair deeply and felt a foreign burning at the back of his throat. He fucking hated his stupid life. He fucking hated being a pawn. He had been nothing but a piece in a game since he was a teenager and the one thing he had actually chosen and given value too was about to be ripped away from him in the most savage of ways.

He was going to hurt her, just as he knew he always would. Two years ago when he had tried to push her away, he had known that he would never be worthy of her, and that he would only bring her destruction in the end. He had known, but she wouldn't accept it, and he had been too selfish to make her.

They had to move. If they didn't, he might permanently stick them in that position for the rest of their lives. What would he give to run away and hide with her somewhere, just the two of them, until they grew old together. No more orders, no more masters or pain or torture. Just the two of them, cooking and brewing, and perhaps even making children…

He pushed that thought away with a decided clunk and sat up abruptly, pushing her upright with a little more force that he had intended.

"We must move," he said curtly, not wanting to hurt her feelings. "We have many things to discuss."

Surprisingly, she nodded and smiled bravely at him before getting to her feet and smoothing down her clothes.

"Yes. Kitchen table?"

He nodded and followed her through to the kitchen which was now gleaming clean and smelled of roast beef.

He watched as Serena summoned some parchment and a quill and sat down at her usual chair, wating for him. It looked as though she was sitting for a job interview or taking notes on some lecture somewhere, not ready to discuss the future murder of one of the greatest wizards ever to live.

He undid the buttons of his outer robe and slipped it off, grateful when Elizabeth appeared next to him with her small arms outstretched.

"Dinner will be ready in an hour Master Severus sir," she squeaked, bowing low and disappearing with his cloak.

He cleared his throat and sat down slowly opposite Serena, trying not to think about the wonderful dinners they had eaten tête à tête at that table.

Serena dipped her quill into the bottle of dark blue ink and began to write three headings.

Before

During

After

"Serena," he sighed, not wanting her to get her hopes up thinking she could fix this. "There is no point-"

"Don't," she interrupted him with a firm stare. "Our future has been taken out of our hands. I'll be damned if I'm not allowed to try and claw back some control. Now, we know that this will happen within the year. So, beforehand we will have quite a lot to do. Ties to sever and bridges to build."

He saw the determination in her eyes and finally conceded. She was right, this did need planning.

"So," she continued, looking at him calmly as though they were writing the list for the supermarket. "Obviously, we need to sort out the issue of our marriage. I think we can both agree on the possible outcomes after Albus' death: either the Order will cast me out, or the Order will keep me but never trust me, a bit like you at the moment. You will live in Hogwarts and be protected by His minions. So, I will need to buy myself an apartment, preferably in the muggle world, just in case I can't live at Grimmauld anymore. I don't think you should know where it is, it will stop you from being tempted that way, and keep us both safe if ever either of us is tortured."

"Two," Severus interrupted, his throat dry as he tried not to think about her being tortured.

"Sorry?"

"Two apartments, in different places, under different aliases. You should secret-keep the second. Ask Remus. He is the only one who will believe you innocent."

Severus watched as Serena's bottom lip got sucked into her mouth and bitten down on hard. After a few seconds she nodded her agreement and continued writing.

Buy two apartments. Secret keep one- RL.

"Okay, I will also need to start taking gold out of Gringotts regularly. Bill said it's hell to get money at the moment, it's taking several hours with all the security checks, but he offered to help me bypass the wait. If I start taking out money more regularly, I can put it to one side, just in case going into Diagon Alley is not an option in a year or so. You should probably do the same."

"I will have little problems accessing Gringotts," Severus said, thinking of how the Goblins feared the Dark Lord. "And either way, I already have emergency gold put to one side."

"I thought you did," she said, adding Gringotts Gold under the Before heading of the list.

Severus watched in a daze as Serena slowly filled up the Before column of her list, predicting needs and discussing possibilities in a light, casual tone. Her list contained things as small as Learn to brew elemental magic potion and as serious as Fake foreign papers- two new muggle identities andProtection on Spinner's End- change the Secret Keeper.

He didn't know whether it made him sick that they were taking something so horrific in their stride, as though it was nothing, or whether it made him proud to see her bravery and will to plan their future like strategic soldiers. She was so determined to get them through this, so fixated on making it as smooth as possible for him, on supporting him, on protecting him from a distance, that it made his throat burn once more.

"Serena?" he interrupted as she added Shield Cloaks- Weasleys Products to the list for him.

She looked up at him, seeming surprised by his soft tone. Her brown eyes pierced his and only made his heart swell further.

"I love you," he managed to say without making a fool of himself.

The smile she sent him was of heartfelt warmth and tenderness. "I know you do Severus, and I love you too."