The meetings and debates continued for three days before it was decided that everybody should take a day's rest as tensions were becoming high and not a lot was being decided upon. Sokka and I were the main spokespeople for the Southern Water Tribe, securing better trade deals and a few other things of importance, but the main issue still hadn't been properly addressed. In the day off I spent some time with my mother and father, taking them around Yu Dao to show them the sights, mom and I doing some shopping together and generally having a good time until Aang caught up with us some hours later, asking me to join him for another meditation session so that we could continue working through all my pent up emotions.
"I have to go, you guys enjoy the rest of the city together, have some private time without a chaperone." I teased them and my mom blushed at the insinuation as I waved before joining Aang, jumping up onto Appa so that we could go flying. "No Katara? Here I was thinking you two were joined at the hip now." Aang laughed at my teasing, grinning back at me as Momo searched me for treats so I started feeding him some pomegranate seeds I'd bought.
"Not exactly, she's with her dad and I wanted to give her some space, so I came looking for you instead."
"Oh I see, you don't want to overcrowd your girlfriend so you came to pester me instead."
"Yep!"
"Thanks Aang, I'm really feeling the love." Appa growled at us, probably telling us to stop squabbling like kids so I laughed and lay on my back in the saddle, wondering how long had it been since I'd last flown like this. "Hey Aang? Do you mind if we just fly for a while? It feels much more peaceful up here, like we're disconnected from the world."
"That's a great idea! Appa, you take the reins for a while buddy, let me know when you start to get tired." Rubbing his head, Aang then hopped over into the saddle in order to sit opposite me, taking up his meditative position with his focus beads in hand, four round disks with a different nation symbol on the face. "So shall we continue where we left off? I think it'll be good if you verbally let out your grievances this time, we'll try something a little new."
"Okay…but…I have a lot of them. Are you ready?" Nodding his head, poor Aang didn't know what he was letting himself in for. I mean, I had grievances against Zuko pretty much from the moment I met him, and that was four years ago. Plus, there were other things that pissed me off. General people who were thick skulled and stubborn, or didn't know what they were talking about but still tried to make others follow their dumb ideas. Basically, we were gone for a long while and by the end of it, Aang was rubbing his head. "You told me to let it all out. Wow! I feel all refreshed."
"Good, I'm glad. So how are we doing with the whole forgiveness yet, are we feeling anything?" I searched inward, but I still felt nothing so I shook my head. "I guess this isn't something we can hope to fix in a day. It's going to take time, but that's okay. The road to forgiveness is never an easy one, as it is a test of true character and when you finally achieve that feeling you've been looking for, it's worth it all the more for how much you struggled for it."
"I hope so Aang, I'm sorry to bother you with all this. Honestly I feel stupid, like I should be able to just flip a switch and everything is all forgiven, but it's like I'm afraid to touch that switch." I told him as Appa continued to fly us through the clouds and Momo lay sprawled with a full belly, having eaten all my pomegranate seeds. "I'm afraid that if I forgive Zuko, I'll start to open myself up again to vulnerability. I don't want to feel like I did before ever again. It was terrifying, and all that spite, rage and bitterness just twisted up inside me. I can feel it here, sitting at the bottom of my stomach." Touching my stomach to signify where I felt it, Aang listened to me attentively. "Even more than that, I'm afraid…afraid to have feelings for him again. Last time he always pushed me away when I got too close, and I think that's what started all of this. In a way, I want him to hurt just as badly as I did every time he rejected me, despite the fact I knew he had feelings for me too."
"This is more than just feelings Kayo, you've suffered a deep, emotional wound that you haven't yet let heal. It's like a scar on your soul, and that's what's keeping you from forgiving Zuko." Aang said as he touched his chest, surprising my again with his wisdom. "Even though you know that Zuko has changed and found his own inner peace, that wound he caused you remains open and every time you try to touch it, you hurt again. So you push it down, you've ignore it, but now that you want to try and close it, it's as if you can't even remember where you buried it."
"Aang…you really are incredible, you know that?" He smiled at me with a cheeky grin before he cleared his throat and resumed his serious demeanour.
"I bet this is also why you've been having problems with your bending. It's like when Azula struck me with lightning and my connection to my previous lives were severed because something in me became blocked. It was only when fighting Ozai and I got hit in that exact same spot again it reopened and I could enter the Avatar state again. This internal wound is blocking you from your own spirit."
"Well, how do I unblock it?" Scratching his head awkwardly, Aang admitted he didn't know. Since it wasn't a physical wound, he couldn't just hit it again and hope for the best, because it wasn't a physical thing. "If it's all in the mind then, shouldn't I be able to deal with it myself if I just work my way through it?"
"Maybe, we won't know unless we keep trying." Willing to follow Aang's advice, we meditated some more until I fell asleep in the saddle so Appa brought us back to Yu Dao, our friends were waiting for us. They all crowded around to watch me sleep and I woke up slightly with a grunt, seeing their bleary faces and hearing Katara coo at me before someone had the sense to pick me up and take me to my tent to sleep. I think it was Sokka. The nap was refreshing and exactly what I needed, allowing me to step out with a stretch and join Katara who was combing her hair in front of an ice mirror she'd made.
Taking the comb lightly from her hand I brushed through her hair for her, taking extra care to be gentle as I did so. "What's the occasion? You and Aang have a date?"
"Actually, all of us are going out to dinner. I was waiting for you to wake up to invite you to come along with us, but you should know that Zuko's agreed to come too. Is that going to be okay with you?" My only reaction was a momentary pause in hair combing, hesitating slightly before continuing.
"Of course it's okay. It's literally been years since we've all been together, we should go out and celebrate. Are you planning on wearing something a little different? I bet Aang would love to see you in something new. If we have time, I might be able to add a few stitches to something you already own." I offered and Katara beamed, thanking me for agreeing to come and had me help her choose something to wear before doing the same for me.
I embroidered some new designs onto the dress she'd chosen, adding a touch of sliver so that it would catch the light. Since it was so warm out, I left my Water Tribe clothes and went for the red openness of Fire Nation clothing. It had been a while since I'd worn anything from my mother's nation, so I figured now was the perfect time to do so since it was warm enough and I wouldn't have to worry about freezing to death if I didn't have enough layers on.
So once we were all ready, we joined up with Toph and the boys, as well as an unexpected member of the party who clung to Zuko's ears and head whilst giggling. "Sorry, my mother has a headache and Kiyi didn't want to be on her own." He explained as Katara and I joined, Kiyi spotting me and instantly grinning whilst lifting up the embroidered doll.
"Kayo! Catch me!" Launching herself off her brother, Zuko quickly tried to stop her with alarm but Kiyi was already halfway across to me and I dove forwards. With both of us trying to catch Kiyi, Zuko and I smacked heads which made us both hiss from the blunted force as Kiyi fell into my arms and we collided somewhat awkwardly.
"Well this is going great." Toph puffed bluntly, blowing some hair out of her face as I held Kiyi and rubbed my forehead.
"Kayo? Did you get an owie?" Kiyi noticed me rubbing the bruise that was starting to appear so she reached up and kissed it in a sweet attempt to make me feel better. "Mommy says kisses make everything better."
"Thank you Kiyi, I feel fine now thanks to you." Pulling water from her pouch, Katara healed both of our heads as we stayed crouched on the ground for a second until she was done.
"Are you okay Kayo? I'm sorry, I should have figured she'd jump like that." Zuko fussed with worry, reaching out towards me so I stood up and took a step back, still holding Kiyi who was now looking between me and her brother curiously.
"It's fine, it happens." Turning a smile to Kiyi, I shifted her up on my hip so that she was more comfortable. "You must be starving right? Let's go find you some food."
"Yeah I am pretty hungry. I could do with plenty of meat right about now." Sokka answered casually, thinking I had been talking to him so I sent him a look as the others sniggered. He blinked, midway through rolling his arm before it clicked. "Oh, you meant Kiyi." Kiyi giggled and pointed at Sokka in order to call him a funny man which he was rather pleased about. "Yeah, I am pretty hilarious."
"Well then funny guy, how about you help us pick a restaurant?" Katara pulled on Sokka's ear to make him focus, pulling him along as he yelped in pain, making Kiyi giggle all the more. She wanted to pet Momo on Aang's shoulders so I leaned her across before she somehow ended up riding on his shoulders, Aang seemingly having fun playing games with her and showing all the air bending tricks he knew which made her giggle and laugh until she got hiccups, which was just adorable. Quite honestly I was glad that she was here, it made things less awkward and tense between Zuko and I, plus with everyone else here, there was always somebody talking as we reminisced about the good old days.
Occasionally we would discuss the meeting, complaining at the more infuriating members who still had their heads stuck in the past, but for the most part, things were starting to move forwards in a direction that seemed like a good future intention. "How come you've hardly said anything during the meetings Kayo? The only time you talked was when you were negotiating trade deals with Sokka." Katara asked me as I served myself some food and ate up the noodles by the mouthful. "I would have thought you already have everything planned out."
"Well, I kinda do, but me telling everyone the best thing to happen isn't exactly going to go down well. Most of the people in there are seniors with years of experience, they're not all going to listen to someone like me who's only been doing this kind of thing for four years." I answered, setting down my chopsticks for a moment and glanced to my left, seeing Kiyi had made a mess so I wiped her face clean without even thinking. "This kind of thing needs to be approached carefully, and posed in such a way that they think it's their idea. I'm just waiting for the opening."
"So what is your idea?" Toph questioned, gesturing towards me with her own chopsticks before grabbing herself some more meat as Sokka had already listed off every dish and where it was in front of her.
"Something completely out of the ordinary. In fact, it's going to be so large scale and forward thinking, not many people are going to like it." I began to explain before giving a smile at Aang. "But I think it'll work. I'm only building on top of what you've already started Aang, especially here in Yu Dao. It's going to be a long road with plenty of obstacles, but I think if you spearheaded the campaign, it will work a lot better."
"Tell us, what do you have in mind Kayo?" Aang asked with his arm around Katara adorably, both of them eating with their free hand so that they could hold hands in the middle.
"We need to build an entirely new city." Several jaws and chopsticks dropped, but I was deadly serious. "Not just for Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom citizens to live together, but for all nations to be able to come and live as one community. It's the natural next step in the progression of immersion we've been testing out. The Water Tribes, Fire Nation, Earth Kingdom and the Air Acolytes can all live in this one city as they wish, not beholden to any singular nation as the city will be independent. It could have its own governing body of council members, at least one from each nation, including the Air Acolytes, its own police force, maybe its own military comprised of men and women from every nation, both bender and non-bender alike." Everybody continued staring at me, still overcome with shock at how drastic a movement I wanted to put forwards. Only Zuko had listened and considered with the mind of a leader, so he answered first.
"It's a big step, a lot of people will be against it. It's one thing to have a city like Yu Dao, what you're talking about is basically reforming a small country. There's going to a lot of opposition to something like that." He warned me which I agreed was going to be the case, but all we could do was try. "Personally I think something like this is exactly what the world needs. A place where harmony and coexistence is clearly achievable and indisputable."
"This is huge Kayo, are you sure it could work?" Aang frowned, growing serious as I nodded my head.
"I've been planning this for the past two years. I've thought through everything, worked out every detail. You guys just need to trust me." I grinned at them cheerfully. "It's not like we're going to build the entire city in a day. We'd start small, and we'll use the innovative technology that is starting to make headways into the new world."
"I think it sounds like fun, and if you need law enforcers, I can do the job." Jabbing a thumb at herself, Toph grinned. "You know how much I love bossing people around, getting paid to do it would be even better. Besides, with my students, metal bending will finally have a more practical use in the world. It's a new form of earth bending, so it makes sense that it should be a part of something new like this."
"You've clearly thought a lot about this, so if you think it's the best way forwards, then I'm with you Kayo." Katara promised me and I gave her a grateful nod as Sokka scratched his little goatee beard.
"There's a lot more to building a city then just dumping a few buildings somewhere and leaving it at that. It's going to be a lot of hard work and will take decades before we actually have something to show for it. Also, if we're going to be the ones leading the campaign, we're going to have to be there to oversee progress." Sokka said thoughtfully, being realistic for a moment before laughing. "But I agree, it sounds like great fun. I can even put statues of myself all over the place, I like that idea."
"Not if I tear them down and put my own statue up Sokka." Protesting at Toph at her challenge, the two of them started debating who deserved the statue more until Katara pointed out that if anyone deserved a giant statue, it would be Aang. Listening to them all argue, I leaned my chin onto my palm in order to just listen and watch, smiling nostalgically as I saw their grown up images fade away and I saw them as kids again, all of us arguing just like this over something stupid like the last dumpling or something.
"Kayo? Is there any dessert?" Kiyi's small voice brought everyone back to attention as I blinked then looked down to her.
"Sorry Kiyi, we've been really boring haven't we and ignored you. You can have whatever you like for dessert, I think I'll join you." Apologising for leaving her unattended for so long, I cleaned up her face again since it had sticky sauce all over her mouth and cleaned off her hands too before I sat her up into my lap so that she could see over the table better. We all ordered dessert and Kiyi ate until she was utterly full and falling asleep against me, making Katara coo at her with a slight look of longing. This time when I passed Kiyi back to Zuko so that she could take her to her room to sleep, there wasn't any awkwardness or hostility. I even smiled and said goodnight, rubbing Kiyi's head affectionately before I turned away.
It felt good for things to feel so normal, and as I walked away I felt lighter than air, which was more than I had felt in the past two years.
