A dream, a hallucination, some kind of afterlife. There were an infinite number of possibilities to explain what Liliana had just said that made more sense then it being reality, but the fear and shame that reflected Chandra's own confession was too real to deny. Chandra's slacked mouth had no idea what to say and it may have been minutes, hours or never until words came to her, but there was no time for them to find out. After only a couple seconds, the lights went out.
Liliana whispered a dreadful, "this is bad," which at least assured Chandra that this wasn't orchestrated as a way to change the subject. "I really do hope that was just the power going out."
Knowing when to keep quiet was an easy enough cue. While she wanted to scream out, 'she's in love with me' over and over, she opted instead to sit next to Liliana on the bike and match her demeanour. "You still have some weapons in here?"
Liliana shifted herself so the two were eye to eye and just before clouds passed over, obscuring the only light source they had left, her face wasn't horrified enough to suggest a murderer was after them, which left one alternative. Chandra's volume remained low but her question was hissed, "are you not supposed to be here?"
"Not exactly." Chandra expected her to sound more ashamed saying that. The aloofness was impressive.
"Isn't all this stuff yours?"
"Of course, but not the building." Liliana was burying her face into her hand. She may have not felt guilty about the crime of trespassing but she wasn't looking forward to getting caught. "Only dad is supposed to be here and only during the day."
Figuring out an obvious solution, Chandra spoke up excitedly, "then lets just go out there, show them it's you and I'm sure they'll let us off with a warning." In her experience, security guards weren't known for being the lenient type, but they usually weren't dealing with the hot millionaire type.
Contrasting Chandra's confidence, Liliana grew even quieter in an attempt to lead by example. "I forgot to bring my identification with me. If they see us, they will just think we are just two women in a bunker with a million dollars worth of stuff to steal. I think it may be best if we just stay quiet and hope this is an electrical problem."
Nodding her approval, Chandra's voice dropped back down into a sheepish hush. "Good call. Then maybe we can talk about...You know, what you said a minute ago."
"I suppose we should." Whatever happened from here, Chandra was at least relieved she was the first of the two to confess anything. It was one of the most painful things she had ever done and could only imagine how much easier it would have been for her if Liliana had said it first. She was glad her sister was able to dodge that bullet.
Liliana continued without hesitation, "It started a long time ago." Chandra thought back to her first dream and considered telling her sister to make her situation less awkward, but decided that coming clean about a sex dream she had before they even knew each other was an odd flex and let Liliana continue.
"The first time I saw you get angry at Jace." Liliana sighed so wearily that it was clear she had sufficiently taxed herself over the months idolizing and agonizing over the event. "I tried to deny how I felt but I had never seen anyone so passionate before. Granted, the only other person I knew that showed any emotion at all was Vivien and she was always frustratingly calm."
Chandra wasn't sure if she was delighted that this meant Liliana had felt this way about her for this long or mortified that the thing that apparently made her appealing was something she found shameful. Her sister hadunintentionally brought up a more pressing point though and Chandra became withdrawn in guilt as she mumbled, "Vivien...You had feelings for me and you had to watch me date your ex."
In a panicked haste, Liliana finally raised her voice beyond a whisper as the shadowy outline of her hands waved in objection, "nonono. I was okay with it." She voice cracked nervously. "Well, I was mad with jealousy but I was so delighted you were both happy and that was much more important."
Remarkable, Chandra thought as she felt the warmth of Liliana's words. If I had to watch her be with someone else, of course I'd be happy for her, but a big part of me would despise every bit of it; somehow, she's above all that. How could someone so wonderful be in love with me? "You're way too good to me."
The sudden whine of nails scratching the bike were excruciating to Chandra's ears and soul, but she was somehow okay with it right now as Liliana's frustrated inflection was much more disturbing. "You can stop pretending. We both know what a monster I have been."
Chandra tried to recount the events of the last few months – all the times Liliana's heart bled for her, or the countless instances of going through hoops to preserve their relationship. Since their meeting, no one had treated her with more care than Liliana. "What are you talking about?"
Liliana was getting increasingly agitated – her hands and boots fidgeting against metal. "The night we got drunk." Chandra's heart sank at the mention. "I know you remember what I did to you."
For a moment, Chandra was stammered, trying to find an apology before realizing what Liliana had actually said and the sinking feeling was replaced with a dizzying confusion. "Wait, you think you did something wrong that night?"
"I got you drunk, pinned you down and molested you." In her frustration, Liliana had lost all apprehension about noise as her outside voice could probably be heard from outside. Chandra could tell a battle of wills was beginning as each girl would compete to see who was most baffled by the other's guilt.
Chandra chuckled dismissively. "Okay, first off, pinned me down? You may be strong but I was wriggling free from armed soldiers before I hit puberty. Secondly, you were way more drunk than I was." The moonlight had a moment of creeping through the clouds and Chandra caught a glimpse of Liliana's despairing lips.
All the guilt Chandra felt from the incident, it was clear Liliana had experienced it as well and she thought maybe this wasn't a contest worth having. Calmly, she reached into her rationale side. "We've both placed the blame solely on ourselves, but maybe we both fucked up." As the vanishing light turned Liliana's face back into a silhouette, a gleam of hope was the last thing Chandra saw. "We both drank too much and both of us let things go too far. We're equally terrible people."
Liliana's silent contemplation was followed by delirious giggling; this was proof enough that offering a draw paid off and also that she was in desperate need of a good night's rest. Chandra figured preying on this sudden heel turn of a mood was the best way to put the topic to rest. "So, I'm willing to put some of the blame on you, but I don't want you thinking I was some helpless girl you trapped." Just think of some low-key way to reassure her. Nothing weird... "The selfish part of me loved every bit of it. You should have seen the dream I had that night."
Chandra had a long history of being disappointed in herself, but this instance was one for the books. Only a few minutes removed from being confessed to and now she was calling to attention the story where Liliana dominated and degraded her and how that was everything she wanted out of life.
A prolonged stillness left Chandra wondering if she had chased Liliana's brain to the lawn until a nervous gulp gave way to some quiet courage. "You had a dream about me?" There was a hint of deep desire in Liliana's question which excited and horrified Chandra
The most aggravating part was how the idea of looking into the enchanting eyes of Liliana Vess and saying, 'you stuffed your panties in my mouth forced me to masturbate' turned her on more than the dream itself.
This left Chandra to stutter her response. "Well, yeah, sure. Nice, normal dream. We were, uhh...We were playing cricket together. Yeah! You made a really good, really great play and we hugged."
The desperate girl scoffed at herself. "Not like a big hug though. One of those hugs where the shoulders are touching but the hips are far apart like how you try to hug someone that smells bad. Not that you smell bad – or good or whatever. Anyway, the point is, that's how I knew I wasn't mad that you kissed me while I was drunk."
It got impossibly warm for a Tolarian Winter and it only got worse when Chandra felt Liliana slide her straddle on the bike forward. Geometry was never Chandra's forte but some quick equations let her calculate that this was the perfect distance for two people to allow their impulses to get the better of them. She knew exactly what she wanted to happen next and had a sinking feeling that it might be the wrong thing.
"I almost never dream." Liliana's voice had reestablished itself as a whisper, but it wasn't one of safety. No one else could hear, but the entire world would be able to hear the gasp of pleasure Chandra had to push down. "It is a source of great frustration. I want nothing more than to hear more about yours. Every detail."
"Right, the hugs." Maybe Chandra could keep any sounds of desire at bay, but there was no chance Liliana or even the guards couldn't hear her heartbeat. "I don't even know where to start."
"Perhaps your favourite part?" There was an odd disconnect between Liliana now and in the dream in question. In the fantasy world, Liliana never requested anything, but here there was desperation in her plea. Not quite as sexy, Chandra thought, in theory. It may not have been in line with her fetish, but it gave her a sense of power, like anything could happen if she willed it.
The General's daughter had faced death on multiple occasions but that wasn't as tense as this. When facing a soldier's blade, your palms got as moist as your mouth did dry just as Chandra's were now, but at least when her life had been on the line, there were certainties. You would either escape or get gutted and of the two, you always knew the best outcome.
But now... At least we're sober this time. "I guess my favourite part," still, she's upset and vulnerable. "You made me hug myself and forced me watch in a mirror." I love her and the last thing I want is to do anything that would make her life worse. "And said I'd get in trouble if I..." Chandra had run out of analogies. She could barely think straight let alone in metaphors and was nearly out of willpower as well.
A pathetic chuckle barely escaped Liliana. It sounded like one that had meant to be more profound but got caught in the laboured breathing of desire that further shook Chandra's resolve. "The idea of me making you do anything...Please, go on."
A sudden spark of inspiration lit up in Chandra's last remaining working brain cell and she grabbed Liliana's wrist – perhaps more forcefully than she had meant to but her sister didn't seem to mind. "Enough playing around." She had been so swept up in the reveal of Liliana's feelings and how badly her body wanted to be ravaged that she had only now realized the obvious question. "If you're in love with me, why did you run away when you found out I felt the same way?"
Liliana's response was abrupt and sharp. She had an answer prepared but didn't sound happy about it. "When I saw your message, I got swept up for one blissful moment. I quickly realized though, how much damage I could do by acting on my impulses. What it could do to dad and to mom."
Chandra responded with a similar quick vigour though it was much more curt. "Who you date, who you love is no one's fucking business but yours." Suddenly, the skies parted again and she could see Liliana's chest heaving with exhilaration, but more captivating was the pride in her eyes – the respect she had for Chandra's tenacity. "No matter who you're with, if my mother or your dad have an issue with it, they're going to have to get through me."
The tight grasp on Liliana's wrist loosened as Chandra could feel her pulling away, but her hand didn't retreat. It wrapped tenderly with the other as her lips parted and closed several times. Liliana was saving the most important point for last and it finally came out with a high pitch. "What about us? If things went poorly...I hate the idea of you not being in my life."
Chandra said nothing. It wasn't that she had to assess Liliana's point or was tongue tied by the words. Her quiet was an attempt to control herself, but it didn't last long. She couldn't contain a long string of giggles at what she perceived to be such a profoundly stupid statement. The joy in Liliana's cheeks faded – obviously not finding the same humour in the situation.
Gods, she really meant that. Okay, Chandra. Shake away the sillies. Speech obviously struggling to come out right, Chandra managed to speak without mockery. "Do you have any idea how many times I've fantasized about us being together?" More than you'd guess, I'm sure. "It always ends the same way – you getting bored and ending it."
Liliana looked as if she found Chandra's statement just as foolish. "You must realize how depressing that sounds."
"I guess." Chandra shrugged that off knowing her own point of view was correct. "Anyway, point being – every time I pictured it, I never resented you for it. You're sweet and caring and nothing will ever change that, so I'll never stop loving you. Whatever you need me to be, I'll be."
The weaving of fingers ended as Liliana pulled away. Even fully illuminated, a newly found poker face gave no hints as to what she was thinking, but whatever it was required deep concentration that Chandra dare not interrupt. Whatever she had been contemplating, it seemed it had nothing to do with boosting confidence because when she finally said, "I want to ask you something, but I need you to swear honesty," it was as timid as it was cute.
"Of course."
Within a blink, it became clear that Liliana may have in fact been building herself up for something else. Chandra felt a quick tug on the opening of her hoodie and her face pressed up to Liliana's. She could feel the heat from her lips despite the cold and the world spun in anticipation as Chandra felt a knuckle tickle her throat.
After giving her sister a moment to enjoy the closeness, Liliana whispered with dizzying, sultry confidence, "can I please have a hug?"
