AN: Hello from the deep, wonderful world of Motherhood! My darling little monster is eight months old now. Hard to believe how fast time flies. She is nearly crawling now, says dada, dog, sock, tickle, cow and mum (usually after she bites my shoulder, why?!). She is currently teething (oh goody, can you hear my sarcasm?) and nearly cut her second top tooth, making five teeth in total. She looks like a really cute gremlin. A very needy, clingy, only wants mum, has to always be on mum because her teeth hurt gremlin, but still a pretty darn cute little thing.
ANYWAY, enough about my kid. I apologize for the long wait. Being a mom is hard work and somedays I don't even get to have a shower, which is kinda gross. Just wanted to address a few little things before we get started here and if you are still with me, thank you! I wanted to express gratitude to those of you who have been leaving reviews. You are wonderful people who keep me motivated to keep writing you stories. That being said...one guest reviewer did get rather brutal and confusing in their many many reviews about how much they didn't like the story...? If you don't like it, why are you wasting your time? Idk...maybe I'm just old and have so little time these days I don't comprehend having time to read stuff I don't like. Rambling aside, thank you everyone for your support. I am literally writing this message on five hours (or less) of sleep so forgive me if it's all over the place. Enjoy the chapter and apologies for any poor editing. It was now or never to update. lol.
Be sure to read the ending AN.
Chapter 21
Stifling a yawn, Emily moved between rows of shelves in search of the books she needed to complete several projects she had due for her lessons. She was behind, and her teachers were not overly happy about it. She'd promised to be done by the end of the weekend and thus was working to make sure she kept her word. History, Language and Politics were all that were left to complete. It made her head hurt even thinking about it, especially after a long day of training with Glorfindel, galivanting with her friends, doing her part with the tasks for everyday life in the kingdom before finally being quizzed by Medlinor for three hours.
Really, she wanted to go to bed. Her sleep was still shifting from 'human' sleep to 'elvish' sleep, which was a strange thing to get used to. She still seemed to need more sleep than the average elf, but she was glad that her siblings were in the same boat for a change.
As she meandered to her usual spot, she did a double take upon noticing Sidhel in the alcove she just passed. What caught her attention most was that he seemed not to have noticed her presence at all and was bent over his work in a manner that expressed exhaustion.
Emily frowned, adjusted her book bag on her shoulder as she paused and then walked to the edge of the alcove.
"Hey...didn't you just come off a patrol? Shouldn't you be going to sleep or something? I thought I heard Medlinor tell you to do that..." Emily asked, then hurried to add, "Not that it's any of my business, of course. I mean, you can do what you want, you don't need me reminding you like you were a little kid...or whatever...I'm, I'm just going to," She pointed jerkily to the far bookshelves and nodded, her mouth in a firm line as her face heated up under his long, silent, and cool stare over his papers. "Yup. I'll just be on my way. Have a good night."
The previous silence fell over the library, deafening Emily as her blood pumped in her ears and she berated herself.
Why the heck would you say that? It's none of your business! And why the heck do you care if he might be irritated at you for it anyway!? It isn't a big deal. I shouldn't feel this way. Ugh...what book was I looking for again? Oh, for crying out loud, I'm not even in the right section. And if he wants to be mad that's his own problem...I was just checking in! Friends do that and...whatever. It doesn't matter.
Emily moved back to the right section, resolute in her efforts not to look towards Sidhel's work space again and trying hard to pretend everything was normal. Sweat prickled at her palms and back before she finally found the volume she needed. As she hurried to her spot, her bag slipped off her shoulder with a loud clatter causing her to swear under her breath.
Finally she settled, took out her work and stared at it for a good ten minutes before she realized she wasn't even reading it. Next she sighed a little louder than she meant to and plopped her chin in her hand while she slouched over the outline of her report, editing it and knowing she was going to have to write it all out by hand, AGAIN. She really missed having a computer.
A soft knock drew her attention up, finding Sidhel standing at the mouth of her study nook with his own work in his arms. Relief washed over her unexpectedly upon seeing him there, for she could tell he was no longer irritated with her.
"Mind if I join you?" He asked with a most uncharacteristic hesitancy and tiredness about him. "I...I could use the company...if I am being honest. Reports due tomorrow, and I am a little tired."
"Of course!" Emily shuffled her splay of papers and books to make room.
"Thank you." Sidhel seated himself with a weary smile. "I apologize for earlier. You caught me at a bad moment. Your concern is appreciated, however, I am sorry I didn't express that appropriately."
"That's alright. We all have bad days. Can't the reports wait a little?" Emily asked. "You've pulled some really long days lately, surely they would understand…you seem really tired."
"They won't take long and I am happy to let sleep wait." Then he quietly bent over his pages again, the ink pen scratching away softly while Emily forced herself to try proofreading again.
She couldn't. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't focus. There was just a strong feeling that something was wrong with Sidhel and she didn't like it. Silence crushed down on her and stealing a glance at him, she realised he had stopped writing and was sitting there staring at the table next to the page instead of his work, thoroughly lost in thought.
This wasn't the Sidhel she knew. Over the past months, with him tutoring her in her novice medical studies (one of her classes, by her mother's orders), she had gotten to know him a bit better than the other Dull Ones. He was at times quiet, yet there was usually an air of calm about him, peaceful, accepting and easy to be around. Until recently she hadn't gotten overly flustered by his presence. The image of him in the training room surfaced and Emily winced, chasing the picture away and sternly shooing at the tiny amount of pleasure it gave her to remember. Instead she focused on the wrongness that she felt around him right now, the way his posture was too burdened, the way his face was set in firm lines and the way his usually gentle eyes were hardened.
At long last she couldn't stand it anymore.
"Sidhel…" Emily began, feeling as though her soft voice were a shout the way it broke the silence. "Are...are you ok?"
Looking up almost surprised, Sidhel gave her another tired half smile. "Forgive me. I am not the best company. Perhaps you are right, I should go rest."
He started to collect his things, and Emily felt a spark of urgency. Taking a deep breath she gathered her courage and pressed on.
"You didn't answer my question. Are you ok? You seem...really off...and really tired..."
He slowed his movements to a stop, staring at his hands frozen in mid task. Then he looked up with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.
"I'll be alright, I always am."
"Sidhel!" Emily pressed, a hint of irritation entering her voice. Unsure of what caused her anger, she drew a deep breath, calming herself before she continued. "Please...if there is something bothering...and if it would help to tell someone, I'm...I'm here...and if you don't want to talk to me, please...talk to someone if it would help...I just...I feel like you aren't ok."
There was a long pause as Sidhel studied her, his expression unreadable.
"No. I am not entirely OK." He finally confessed. "Today is a difficult day of the year for me...you see...it is the anniversary of my mother departing from these shores and sailing West, which only serves as a reminder as to the reason why she sailed...which is a day I wish I could forget."
Heart falling to her stomach, Emily's brow creased empathetically. "Oh...I'm so sorry, Sidhel…"
He smiled a little and she was relieved to see it was more genuine than his previous ones. "Thank you, but it is not your doing."
"Still…" Emily fumbled helplessly, not really knowing what to say. Finally she settled for, "What do you need?"
Sidhel shifted, meeting her eyes with fondness and considering her question. "A friend, and distraction? Would you tell me about what you are working on?"
"Sure! I can do both of those!" Emily stated, trying desperately to sound normal and businesslike. Something in the look he was giving her made her feel almost giddy and she couldn't exactly define what that was all about. "I have to finish this essay about the current political systems of Men, and rewrite it. Then I have to be able to say this entire speech in Quendya by Monday, which I am miserable at. And finally I have to be able to explain the First Age in ten pages, because apparently being clear and concise is super important."
"Ah yes. Tegoldor has always been like that. He taught all of us elflings. Would you like some help?"
"That would be much appreciated." Emily accepted. "Because I have SO left this to the last minute...like I always do."
Sidhel smirked. "You might want to work on that. They do take your privileges away if you fall behind."
"I know...I know. I just need to learn better balance."
They enjoyed a few hours of company, and dug through both of their respective work fairly efficiently. By the time Emily began to feel her eyes stinging and yawns consistently creeping up her throat, they had finished all but the final drafts of her two essays, which she would write out in the morning.
Emily stifled another yawn and blinked her weary eyes. Sidhel leaned back, stretching, rubbing his own eyes and running a hand back through his hair.
Wordlessly, they both agreed it was time to leave the library and started packing up in a comfortable silence.
"Thank you." Sidhel said as they walked side by side through the books.
"For what? You helped me, I should be thanking you." Emily murmured as she focused on not walking sideways into anything. She was more tired than she had realized.
"You helped me feel almost normal again, which is saying a lot...and you didn't try to fix anything, or offer excessive sympathy or try to tell me it will get better. You just asked what I needed, and you will never know how important that was to me today. Thank you, for just letting me exist and be helpful."
Emily shifted her bag and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Well, you are welcome. I didn't do much, and I don't really know exactly what you are going through, but...I know if it were me I would want to feel normal too."
"Thank you."
Sidhel bowed a little with a heartfelt hand over his chest before they parted ways and as Emily went the rest of the way to her room, there was a light feeling in her chest replacing the concern she felt earlier. Sure, her friend was not magically 'fixed'. It would be unreasonable to expect him to be, however she knew enough from dealing with her own traumas, griefs and struggles that he was genuine in his thanks, leaving her content that she had helped in some small way.
Standing among the mid morning shafts of sunlight falling across the floor of the music hall, Cellissel tried to relax and let the notes flow through her like running water. It felt more like bricks hitting the ground and she was quickly becoming frustrated and discouraged. Why couldn't it just pour out of her soul the way she felt that it should?
She'd hoped after her acceptance of who she was that things would come easier to her, but life it seems is never that simple.
The time spent with Thranduil in the garden healed some wounds, bringing peace and rest that had been aluiding her for a long time, however things can't happen overnight and Cellissel knew she needed to accept it would take a long while to recover.
Switching to a less complicated melody, Cellissel began playing a lilting tune instead as she watched the sunbeams play on the floor. Slowly, the longer she played, the more she found that her heart remembered moments connected to this particular song. It was a lullabye, simple and beautiful as it stirred up memories of motherhood like a gentle breeze over autumn leaves.
Such sweet, tender moments they were, frozen in time within her mindseye as she swayed about the empty hall, free in her solitude to recall.
Three babe's she had sung this tune to. Three wonderful children, beginning with Faervel, strong willed and determined, yet such a momma's boy, staring at her as she rocked him with such adoring eyes until his heavy eyes fluttered into elvish sleep and he was off in dreamland for a few hours. Heaven forbid that Thranduil should ever take him from her arms at bedtime. The entire kingdom would know of the little prince's displeasure at being removed from the comfort of his mother's arms.
Aewnith was more willing to go to her father, Cellissel remembered with a smile. While she was always happy and excited for her mother, it was often Thranduil who took up the tune as he walked the floors with his darling princess. Some nights the little monster would fuss and carry on so until Cellissel was at her wits end, then when Thranduil finally came in after a late night in his study, Aewnith was all coos and smiles and would go right to sleep for him. Cellissel snorted into her chinrest. The blasted elf was always so smug when that happened.
The third and final child, her dear, sweet, sensitive Legolas loved when his mother sang. Any hurt or upset could be fixed by the sound of his mother singing. When she held him at night, with Faervel and Aewnith on either side, staring in wonder at their baby brother who they could never seem to get enough of in those early days, Legolas would coo and smile, babbling along to the music until he was old enough to sing along. Often he sang himself to sleep, trailing off in sleepy notes as a smile rested on his lips.
Warmth swelled in her chest, and Cellissel felt a deep ache for days long past. Only once could she hold her infant children so close to her, cuddled closely against her breast as though her love alone could shield them from the vast darkness in the world.
As she played a final round of the tune, Cellissel reoriented herself in time and space, coming back to the empty hall filled with sunlight. The hair on the back of her neck rose when awareness returned to her.
Someone was watching her.
Lowering the bow and closing her eyes to listen, Cellissel only needed a moment to recognize who it was. Call it a mother's instinct, for there was no sound to be heard but the dripping of nearby water.
"Faervel. I know you are there. Come out here and let us talk. You have been haunting my steps for two days now. Enough is enough."
Reluctantly, Faervel emerged from the shadows of the hall entrance, pretending he wasn't as sheepish and vulnerable as he felt in being caught by his mother. After she told him and his sister off, there was no denying in his heart that she was truly still his mother .
"Am I still to be observed by you with such great suspicion?" Cellissel asked him chidingly. "I understand my reappearance is difficult to accept. I hardly accept it myself, but I am who they say I am. I am Cellissel."
"No, I no longer observe with suspicion." Faervel told her, his eyes meeting her's with great trouble. Scattered and jumbled memories aside, Cellissel found she could still read her first born like a book. You don't spend years being so attentive to your child and not just instinctively know when something is deeply troubling them. Faervel was nearly tortured by whatever he was holding inside.
"Then why do you linger in the shadows, Faervel. What has you so tied up in knots that you cannot look me in the eyes?"
Faervel stared at the ground, head hanging like a chastized child afraid to say what else they did wrong for fear of making their punishment worse.
"Faervel...what is it? Won't you tell me?"
The control shattered and Faervel ducked his head further so that his hair fell down over his features. Great teardrops splashed down to the stone floor and he drew a ragged breath before whispering, "It was my fault."
Cellissel's heart twisted in pain for her child and she stepped nearer to him, softly reaching up to cup his cheek with her free hand.
"Faervel, sweetheart...what was your fault?" She asked gently.
Choking out on a sob, Faervel leaned into her touch as his shoulders began to stoop and shake violently.
"It was my fault you died. I insisted on going back for those last few people. I led my patrol to a near disaster. I was responsible for us being so far behind! I was supposed to be protecting you, and instead...it was all my fault, nanath!"
"Oh, Faervel…" Cellissel crooned as he dropped to his knees before her in a shuddering mess of sobbing elf. She knelt too, setting aside the violin and gathering her son into her shoulder. He responded by desperately clinging to her as though he were a little elfling again seeking her comfort during a terrible storm or after a bad dream. "Sweetheart, I may not remember that day, but I can tell you that it has NEVER been your job to protect me. I am the mother. It has always been, and always will be my job to protect you, child. Whatever happened, whatever I did, it wasn't your fault, Faervel. I love you more than life itself."
Faervel nodded into her shoulder, sobbing out his grief and guilt.
"My sweet elfling, you have carried this long enough." Cellissel pressed a kiss into his crown. "Ah, child. You have always been my little prince, and my little knight, so anxious to please and prove yourself. But, you are grown now...you must see the world as it is. You cannot protect everyone, you cannot be perfect and you WILL make mistakes from time to time."
Faervel nodded mutely, still not raising his head from her shoulder and tightening his arms as if he were afraid she would vanish. They sat like that for a time, frozen as healing flowed between them.
A ruckus down the hall drew them apart and they both wiped at their eyes, removing the salty trails left behind. Moments later, Faervel snorted as the voices of Merenith and Emily singing some ridiculous song the twins had taught them graced their ears.
When she rounded the corner, Emily faltered only a little in her singing when she saw they had an audience. Merenith just dragged her through the hall to the other entrance, singing all the more while Emily smiled brightly at her Uncle and Grandmother.
"Hello!" Emily waved before Merenith tugged her out of sight, setting them both giggling. "Goodbye!"
"Stop drawing attention to us!" Merenith warned, "We have to get those supplies Lady Galadriel asked for without anyone seeing!"
"I know, but not saying hello would have been more suspicious!" Emily countered, not the least bit worried. Lady Galadriel was a mastermind at this pranking business. She had each of the youth on errands that would not seem out of the ordinary, leaving none the wiser as to what they had planned.
"Do you think she will have any trouble recruiting her?"
"Daernaneth? No. I think she will be happy to help us execute the finishing touches and restore her kingdom to its former glory."
"I wonder what Lady Galadriel is going to do to them all." Merenith mused, gazing dreamily at the ceiling as she pictured all sorts of amusing scenarios.
"She said it would ruin the surprise if she told us. But I am sure it won't be too destructive."
"Are you sure? Because she also let slip that she had a score to settle with the King from when he was an elfling."
Emily gave a little shiver, "That's true...I need to remember never to underestimate the patience of elves, or the way they can hold a grudge forever."
"Would you two keep it down!? We are trying to hide here and be secretive!"
Ducking into the cramped hiding spot, Emily and Merenith grinned at Rusgon and Tirnel.
"Did you get it?" Tirnel asked as Rusgon peeked out past them, watching for trouble.
"Of course we got it, but I don't understand what she would want with these roots. They are just weeds." Merenith frowned as she peered inside the pouch she had been carrying.
"The fewer questions the better, I think." Tirnel decided. "I just hope she can keep her end of the deal, and that none of this will come back on us. We don't even know what she's going to do yet!"
"In hindsight we maybe should have asked a little more insistently rather than just blindly accepting her offer." said Emily thoughtfully.
"Where's the fun in that?" Rusgon murmured absentmindedly as he listened intently for footsteps.
"We had better part ways." Merenith said, "You'll make sure it gets to the right place?"
"Have you so little faith in me, little sister?"
"Yes."
"Ouch, you wound me."
"You will survive."
"We have to go, Merenith. Glorfindel is going to get suspicious if we are too late for our lesson with him." Whispered Emily, tugging her cousin by the arm and forcing them to creep out and away from the hiding spot before the siblings could have a friendly argument.
While the young ellons carried out their orders from Lady Galadriel and Emily ran with Merenith the meet Glorfindel, elsewhere in the palace King Thranduil did something he did not expect and would not soon live down, for it was witnessed by many more than he would have liked.
He had been strolling to meet with his councilmembers, taking his time for a change and not caring if they were put out that he was tardy. No, he was as relaxed as a carefree elfling on a summer's day while he half walked, half danced and hummed, his mind utterly elsewhere. He daydreamed of Cellissel, replaying their long-awaited reunion in his mind over and over, savoring the sweet time spent sitting together in the garden, simple as it was. Like a candle on the waters of his soul, he could see their bond flickering with new life as it healed and strengthened. Hope swelled in his chest and he bounced along, thinking of her and the way things were, the way things could be again in time.
His reverie was brought to an abrupt stop when his feet found the edge of a walkway sooner than he anticipated, indicating that he missed his turn and was literally teetering on the edge of tumbling into the river below. He let out a small shout as his toes dangled in empty space.
Frantically he struggled to regain his balance, arms pinwheeling when his elegant, problematically heavy, robes weighted him further forwards. He pitched, eyes wide with surprise and teeth grit as he accepted the inevitable fall.
*SPLASH*
His head surfaced as he rode down stream and he threw out his hand, catching in a crevice and using the leverage to hale himself out of the water. The waterlogged robes held him down. The muscles in his arm and back screamed, overstraining and pulling at the scar tissues from his wounds months prior. A guttural cry escaped his lips as he fought the strong current.
"KING THRANDUIL!"
Stones clattered into the water next to him and he looked up, squinting through the spraying foam to see Elladan and Elrohir bounding down to reach him, closely followed by members of the palace guard.
In moments, the twins had dragged him out and up the bank.
"Are you alright? That was...an impressive fall." They asked, mouths agape as they knelt next to him.
"Yes." Thranduil answered as he gingerly rotated his shoulder and stretched his back while removing his outer robe. He let it slop to the ground unceremoniously and glaring at it as though it were to blame for the whole ordeal. He removed his boots next and dumped the water from them, ignoring his guards and cursing inwardly that it just HAD to be Elronds' treacherous sons that not only saved him from the waters, but also witnessed his misstep.
"Are you certain?" Elrohir asked with uncharacteristic hesitation. Thranduil brightened internally. Perhaps they were too apprehensive of him to tell anyone.
"Yes." He growled, putting an extra warning in his tone in hopes of further deterring gossip. "Thank you. I can manage from here."
Recognizing the stirring of the King's temper, the guards and twins departed swiftly, thus Thranduil was left in some semblance of peace as he hurried back to his rooms for dry clothing before moving with great purpose to the council chambers. He was now beyond slightly tardy.
Meanwhile, Lady Galadriel was in the midst of recruiting Cellissel.
She needed the Queen to put the finishing touches on her master plan. She succeeded and things were well on their way to being perfect as Cellissel set out on her quest to the kitchens with a mysterious vial in hand and a bubbling sense of mischief in her heart that drew out her former self in a way that little else could.
This, however, went unnoticed by the twins when they nearly barreled into her as they hastened to the training grounds, snickering with glee and shushing each other as they glanced over their shoulders for fear of someone hearing them.
All attempts to remain quiet were abandoned the second they entered the lonely and quiet work room that housed Glorfindel's lessons.
"Glorfindel! You would not GUESS what we just saw!" Elladan cried with laughter as he practically skipped in, not realizing that Emily and Merenith were sitting quietly and meditating before their lesson (a new tactic Glorfindel was trying in order to help the girls focus, especially Merenith).
Instantly, the tranquility of the girls and their teacher was dissolved. Emily and Merenith turned with expectant grins while Glorfindel sighed in exasperation.
"This had better be worth the interruption."
"It is! I promise!" Elladan assured his mentor, eager to tell all.
Elrohir on the other hand nudged his brother and nodded at the girls. "Are you sure we should be spilling it in front of them?"
"Don't mind us!" Emily coaxed.
"Yeah! We aren't even here!" Merenith chimed in, smelling a good, juicy story from a mile away.
"You cannot tell ANYONE." Elrohir cautioned. "Or our heads will roll."
"You were never here." Emily replied.
"Good." Elladan accepted, impatiently bouncing on his toes. "Now! You will never guess what we just saw!"
"Oh?" Glorfindel answered, humoring them as he crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall. "I am sure I won't. Do tell."
"Alright! Here it is! King Thranduil just walked off a bridge into the river!"
"He what?" Merenith squealed.
Emily's mouth dropped.
A slow smile spread across Glorfindel's face as he pictured it. "Oh, but this is news indeed. Do share more details, for I have no doubt you have them."
Elrohir began to giggle. "He...he tettered there, arms flapping madly as though he could fly away rather than fall!"
As he spoke, Elladan began a dramatic reenactment of the golden moment, impersonating the elf so perfectly, yet comically that the girls were in stitches and Glorfindel shook silently with delighted laughter.
"Ah, hah." Glorfindel finally composed himself, wiping his eyes with a thumb. "Thank you! I finally have something new to tease him about!"
The twins sobered. "You never heard it from us."
"Not a word."
"As you were." And with that the sons of Elrond saluted and sauntered off, snickering with one another as they hunted for the next people they knew would appreciate their theatrics.
After a long, yet satisfying session, Emily and Merenith made their way out of the training grounds. They were near the final bend before the main, open caverns when Merenith spied her oldest brother, Laithor, coming and dragged Emily around a corner, signinally for quiet with the biggest grin.
Sensing her cousin was up to mischief, Emily just shook her head and smiled, waiting quietly as requested.
Timing her 'pounce' perfectly, Merenith leaped like a cat from her hiding spot with a loud cry.
"ROAAAAARRRR!"
Laithor tripped backwards away from his sister, flailing limbs and uttering a most entertaining cry with the biggest eyes.
Merenith cackled uproariously, doubling over and laughing as she slapped her knee. Emily snickered from the sidelines until she saw the beat red rage that boiled up Laithor's neck as he took in his sister and cousin.
"MERENITH!" Cried Laithor. He was embarrassed and furious. Being an honored guard, and veteran of the patrols it was near unthinkable that he could be caused to jump so. "For the sake of the VALAR, would you GROW UP ALREADY! It's time you stopped being such a child! Really, you are such a disappointment, with your goofing off all the time! It's an embarrassment! Don't think I hadn't heard you were to blame for the disastrous pranks terrorizing the palace. Naneth and Adar may humor you, but it's high time someone told you to smarten up!"
And with that he stormed off, leaving Merenith and Emily alone.
"Well, isn't he just a big grump." Merenith said lightly, thought there was a strain in her voice that Emily nearly missed. "Come on, let's go for a walk. Prying eyes are appearing."
Glancing over her shoulder, Emily noted heads poking out of various places, curious about the raow.
"Wow...if that had been my brother...I wish I didn't care as much about what people think...I wish I could be more like you. You took that like it was nothing! I'd be in tears..." Emily sighed as she ceased peeking backwards over her shoulder and studied the ground under her feet as they walked instead.
Meredith didn't reply, which surprised Emily. She had expected a flippant answer from her carefree cousin, and that nonchalant toss of her curls. Instead, the other elleth was very quiet, chewing at her bottom lip and looking uncharacteristically uncertain.
"Mer? What's wrong?"
"You know...Glorfindel's meditation sessions before our lessons have been getting inside my head. I think I'm starting to see things about myself I didn't really want to admit and have been hiding from for so long."
"How so?"
"Well...you always say that I don't care what people think, that I'm carefree and that I'm never serious. You aren't wrong about that...except that I think I do care...I care a lot more than I like people knowing."
"I...I don't entirely follow you…"
Merenith bounded up a tree by way of answer, and Emily followed her, getting dusted with snow that shook off the branches above in the wind.
Once they had settled high up in their usual spots, Merenith answered at long last.
"My siblings are all successful elves with important positions in this kingdom. Even TIrnel is well on his way to being a great captain. Me…on the other hand...what am I to do in the shadow of such...greatness, bravery and talent? I can never amount to what they are, so why even bother? Not only that, I'm so afraid of failing if I even try that I just don't, you know?" Merenith wiped a tear from her eyes, her lower lip trembling dangerously. "I want to care. I really do. Sometimes I don't want to be the screw up. I tried once, you know. I worked so hard, trying to be everything my siblings and parents kept encouraging me to be, but I couldn't do it. I wasn't smart enough. I was abysmal in all my classes, it took years to even discover what my gift was, even now I am afraid to use it because there is so much pressure that comes along with it...I mean, I have a deep connection to the trees and the forest, people expect me to be able to hone it and use it to heal the trees, bring pure life back to our kingdom. Have you any idea what sort of significance that has if I fail?"
"I can imagine…" Emily answered softly, not knowing what else to say and a little rattled at her cousin's sudden moment of deep honesty. "I'm so sorry, Merenith...I had no idea you felt this way."
Merenith gave a wet laugh and rubbed at her nose with the back of her sleeve. "Neither did I. It has just hit me these past few days, creeps in at night when my mind is all quiet or else nags at me in the back of my mind all day making me feel so irritable."
Emily made a face. "I hate it when that happens, and sometimes it takes days to figure out what's really bothering you."
"Right?" Merenith sighed and turned her face up to the cold light of the winter sun. "I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I was brave enough to stop hiding behind this face of not caring and goofing off all the time. Laithor is right. I really do need to grow up."
"But, that's part of who you are, Merenith! And I LIKE who you are…" Emily protested. "I mean, yeah, maybe we both need to tone it down a bit, but then again maybe we just need to get better at picking our moments! Legolas once told me to embrace being childlike, to rejoice in the simple delights of being young and inexperienced, to make my mistakes not to beat myself up over them, but rather to use them as valuable tools for moving forwards. We aren't meant to stop being who we are as we grow up, we just have to refine who we are into the best version we can be!"
"So...are you saying I should keep not caring?"
"Yes and no. I think it's powerful that you can so often BE yourself without worrying about what everyone else will think. That's not the same as ignoring constructive criticism or just disregarding any opportunity to become more the version of 'you' that you want to be...and really only you can decide who that is."
Merenith was quiet for a while, then she laughed with a puff of frozen air into the cold day, jovial and bright. "You spend a lot of time with your Vede Legolas, I think."
"I suppose that's true, although I really could take his and my own advice more often."
"It's so much easier to tell someone else to do what you wish you could."
"Exactly."
"Thanks, Em."
"Anytime! Now...what shall we do with the rest of our day? The feast is tonight...should we prepare? I really can't wait to see what Lady Galadriel has planned!"
There was something in the way Glorfindel approached him that put Thranduil on the defensive. His friend had somehow heard about his earlier adventures. He was sure of it.
"So I heard you had a rather spectacular mishap today." Glorfindel queried, trying to appear as though he were concerned. Anyone could see he was not.
An icy glare was turned on the twins, who happened to be nearing them in the corridor, making them falter as they approached and they swiftly turned to walk the other way.
"Not so fast, young ones." Thranduil ordered. "Since Glorfindel was made aware of my misstep today and shall undoubtedly torment me over it, I will share with you one of my personal favorite stories of his own little...misadventure."
Relieved that they were not in trouble, or at least not in very big trouble, the twins returned with curiosity burning in their eyes.
"Oh, don't you dare, Thranduil!" Glorfindel warned, his smug and goading demeanor replaced with one filled with dread. He didn't care which story it was. Any one of them would ultimately be a thorn in his side.
Ignoring his old friend, Thranduil grinned mercilessly and began his tale. "Once, many years ago, when you were perhaps in your late hundreds, Glorfindel came to visit my lands. We were out hunting one day when we came across a wee wisp of an elfling. She was all alone, refused to speak to us, and bolted at first sight of us."
The twins frowned, grieved to hear of an elfling all alone and running from her own people. Thranduil smiled. "She was a fast little thing, flying along in her bare feet. She might have escaped us...were it not for Glorfindel leaping down from above and catching her, albeit for a short amount of time... "
"What do you mean a short amount of time?" Elrohir asked, his mind trying to grasp where this story was going.
"Never in all my years," Thranduil said, placing his hand to his heart in mock amazement as he looked at the reddening Glorfindel. "Never, did I ever think to see the Great Glorfindel, Twice Born Balrog Slayer and Warrior of Gondolin be brought to his knees by a tiny elfing."
"She kicked like a MULE! You would be brought to your knees too! Anyone for that matter would be, with aim as true as hers was." Glorfindel growled in his own defence.
The twins stared blankly for a moment, blinking as they tried to visualize this image before they looked at each other and burst into gales of laughter.
"But, what of the child? Who was she?" Elladan finally asked as he wiped his eyes.
Thranduil hesitated, exchanging a look with Glorfindel. "The...Valar...work in mysterious ways. It is a long story, and the details are still hazy for myself, but the child was Emily."
"I beg your pardon?" Elrohir nearly dropped the book he was holding.
"Emily was transported back in time, not eight weeks ago, before the Winters Feastival. She had asked the Valar to help her find a way to...well, make me less cantankerous. Apparently that request was used in a greater plan, for had she not been sent back she would not have spoken to Cellissel, and had she not spoken to Cellissel, my wife would not have written the music that ultimately drew her beast form back to it's true state."
"So, little, tiny Emily brought Glorfindel to his knees?" The twins asked, "We must go find her at once! For if you will not tell exactly HOW it happened, we can no doubt get HER to tell us how it happened! Thank you, good King Thranduil. This is information indeed!"
They bowed and scampered off like children with fists full of stolen candy while Glorfindel hollered threats at their departed forms. His cries only served to make them more silly and Thranduil laughed long and hard.
"You should know, Glordinel, that I do not get mad. I get even."
"That is not true. You get mad often."
"I don't know what you mean."
"It is true, what you said about Emiy's little time traveling adventure serving a higher purpose than just making you less cranky. It saved Cellissel...though it has not answered the mystery of how she came to walk as a skinchanger, nor how it is that she is not dead and still yet herself, for she is not reborn as I was. I would know and so would she. I remember Valanor. I remember being sent back. I remember my life before. She does not."
"Mysteries indeed. For now I am content to accept the gift of her return." Thranduil answered crisply, his tone warning that he did not wish to dig up anything that could dampen his recent days of joy.
"I am sure all will be revealed in time." Glorfindel said, letting the matter rest and changed the topic. "The farewell feast tonight...are you bringing out that good year of wine you have?"
"All my stores are 'good years', to which year are you referring?"
"That recent bouquet you pulled out the other night! You know which one I mean…"
"I suppose I could allow you perhaps a glass or two of it...though the rest of it will have to stay hidden. Those elves from Lothlorien do not appreciate a good glass of fine wine like we do. It would be wasted on them. Better give them 200 years ago brew. It is still suitable."
"And you say you do not not starsh things away like a dwarf."
Thranduil did not care to acknowledge that comment, instead inviting his friend to the training rings for a friendly sparring match before the nearing Farewell Feast for their guests. Glorfindel accepted happily.
The Wood Elves had long been known by their kin for being the best at throwing a merry feast for many an age. Though perhaps considered 'less wise' than the rest of their kin, none could debate that they knew the perfect balance for having a good time. The final feast offered by the hosting realm did not disappoint and proved to be most memorable.
Not only was the food prepared to the finest degree, the decor, wine and company was capital, genial and agreeable. Any grudges or quarrels held beneath the surface were forgotten for the time being as kin laugh alongside kin, toasting and drinking to each other's health.
As the feast got under way, Emily couldn't help glancing around hopefully for some sign of mayhem. Lady Galadriel had promised that her plan would fall together at the feast.
Thus far, there was no sign of the prank and she was forced to settle with her friends to enjoy her meal.
"It's been an uncommonly quiet time, out on the patrols." Tirnel was saying as he speared another potato and put it on his plate.
"I thought with the orcs and that other winged beast it would still be...active?" Merenith said with a frown. "Not that I want you all facing dangers, of course."
"It is a puzzle to us as well." Gurador told her. "There has been no sign of them since the Queen returned to us. In her beast form she thinned the group down considerably, and we speculate she chased off the rest. Where the other beast went, we do not know."
"Even the spiders have been few of late." Sidhel commented as he sipped his drink and offered Rusgon the plater of bread rolls.
"Fortune smiles upon us then!" Rusgon said carefully around his greens, causing Merenith to wrinkle her nose at him. This was possibly the reaction he wanted.
Gurador shook his head. "By my calculations, it's just a little too quiet."
"Ahhh, come now," Tirnel sighed, smacking his lanky friend gently. "We are having a good meal, let us not barrow troubles that are not certain.
"Nothing is certain!" Gurador argued. "And our Captains have been tense despite the quiet roads."
"Then perhaps-"
"What on earth is that on your head?!" Emily blurted, interrupting as she stared bemused at the top of her cousins' head.
"What is what?" Tirnel reached his hand up, patting his head in confusion. His fingers curled round the object of Emily's concern and he drew it out of his hair. A budding spring flower with tiny roots that had been clinging to the fibers of his hair.
"How odd…"
"Tirnel!" Merenith teased instantly, "I didn't think you were the type to grow flowers in your hair."
"It must have caught in my hair while out on patrol."
"That is not likely." Sidhel told them. "This is not something that should be in seed during the dead of winter."
"Emily! Look you have one in your hair too!" Cried Merenith. "And there's another!"
"Nevermind that, Rusgon has six sprouting from his head as we speak!" Tirnel gasped.
Rusgon reached up and swept the flowers easily from the roots of his hair, not pained and completely unaware of their presence until it had been pointed out.
"What on earth…" Emily began as she watched numerous buds poke through Merenith's hair and begin to bloom.
"Look around!" Gurador told them in a low voice. "It's happening to everyone else too!"
Sure enough, the entire company, royals, guests and natives alike were all becoming aware of the fresh flowers blooming in their hair.
A baffled, merry and mildly alarmed chaos followed, accompanied by the sweet fragrance of springtime wafting about the great hall.
There were flowers popping up everywhere now and try as they might, none could rid themselves of them, for just as they brushed away one or two, more would sneak up, twinging delicately through their braids and hair. No one was spared.
"So THAT's what she had planned!" Emily whispered as she glanced up at Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn, both of whom were also sporting fragrant flowers. She was laughing at something her husband said and shook her long mane carelessly while exchanging a look with Queen Cellissel.
Looking at her grandmother, Emily had to admit she looked much more at ease seated by Thranduil while disruption was happening around her than she had earlier when all was calm.
Giving his wife a long sideways look, Thranduil leaned over casually and asked in a low voice, "You wouldn't happen to know anything about this, would you?"
Cellissel laughed, eyes flashing with false innocence. "Of course not."
"I thought as much." Thranduil tried to answer in a cold, unimpressed tone. It failed to reach his eyes and instead he bit back a joyous laugh. Cellissel had come home. "I trust we shall all return to normal in due time?"
"I would assume so. It does remind me of that time in Doriath…"
He rose, drawing quiet from all in the Great Hall.
"Though I do not know who is responsible for this...unexpected burst of spring...I feel confident that it will not linger too long and we should enjoy the splendor while we can. My compliments to the prankster for settling all scores in one go." With that he bowed in general to the crowd and seated himself once more. Laughter and good cheer started up once more and all was merry.
Dancing began none too long after the meal ended, and Thranduil took great pleasure in coaxing Cellissel down from her seat to dance with him. After gentle badgering, she agreed to one dance, only to find she wanted to perhaps dance two more. Then two became five.
Thranduil was most smug about it, though Cellissel did not mind in the slightest. Being in his arms made her feel light and young once more, and hearing him laugh was the purest sound to her heart as they fell into ease banter.
Legolas stole a dance as well, cutting in part way through a song and cheekily sweeping his mother away from his father.
"Are you enjoying yourself, nanath?" Legolas asked easily.
"I am, little leaf." Cellissel replied, beaming up at her son and feeling the strength of his love coursing through the mending bond inside her soul. They had not spoken in great length since she had returned, and yet she knew her youngest accepted her without reservation, waiting only for when the time was right for them to have a heart to heart like they used to.
When at last her feet could take no more, Cellissel retired to the outskirts, watching with deep seeded contentment as she watched her family dance and carry on. Clare was dancing with Haldir, the Marchwarden from Lotholrien. Joel, whom she had little interaction with as of yet had been given special permission once more to join them for this final feast. He sat off to the side with Faervel, heads bent together in deep conversation. Legolas stood with the sons of Elrond, his laugh bright and unburdened. Aewnith and Farland danced about the floor tirelessly and the love that shone between them warmed her heart. Finally there was Emily who had just managed to escape from her friends and was coming her way before Glorfindel spied her and swept her off to dance once more.
"You know what?" Cellissel said, glancing down at Emily as she came to stand beside her. "It is truly good to finally come home...to finally belong once more. The road was long getting here, and at times I resisted the path set out before me...and yet look at us now. We are among those that love us. We are stronger, braver...we are home."
Grinning down at the sea of laughing folk and enjoying the beautiful aroma that the flowers growing in her hair gave off, Emily thought her heart would burst with joy. It was just cheery chaos, burning inside her and dancing with the songs of the elves around her. Emily realized with a satisfied start there was nowhere in the world she would rather be than among her people.
She sighed happily. Sure, there were things she still missed and would always miss about Earth. Yes, she was still finding her place in this new home of her's, still becoming comfortable in her own skin, still learning and growing, however, she could say with all honesty that she was happy to remain here and had found where she belonged. It was right here, with her family and her people.
Looking back up into her grandmother's eyes, Emily beamed.
"I know exactly what you mean!"
You have reached The End of Part 3 of 4
AN: Here we are...after such a long journey together. It's far from perfect and it took forever to write this chapter. I contemplated ending this story for good a few times along the way. I thought perhaps I would leave it at only three parts, however my heart wouldn't let me.
There have been many challenges getting to where I am now. I have grown and changed with this story, making writing it both easier and harder.
My plan from here on out is as follows, for these characters still harass me and beg not to be put to rest.
I do have a Fourth Part in my head, although it is hazy in many areas. I want to write it well, and to plan it more clearly and carefully than I did this third part, for that is what caused much of my troubles when trying to finish it for you all; not clear enough road maps. My intention is to work on part four thoroughly before starting to publish the final full length story of Walking in Worlds...so I suppose in a way this story is going on a Hiatus.
HOWEVER! I won't be leaving you empty handed while I work on this last part to Walking in Worlds. I am publishing a story by the name of 'Amidst the Growing Dark' which will feature many short stories, episodes and pieces about all your favorite characters that will take place over the years between the ending of Part 3 and up to the years leading to the War of the Ring. I am actually very excited about it because it will enable me to focus my attention more equally among the characters, rather than only a few dominant ones in favor of telling their story and keep with the story plot (ex. Walking in Worlds is about Emily finding her family and reuniting them, all of them, so it's a lot about her and in the end, Cellissel). Now I can tell you the other stories of Estel, the twins, Glorfindel, the Dull Ones, Cellissel and Thranduil, Elrond, and much more without being tied too closely to a main plot. It should also allow me to publish more often as I can write episodes more easily than a new chapter to a full length novel. Lol.
I hope that makes sense. I am really excited to share this with you and hope you will check it out and follow along.
So, in a sense Walking in Worlds is on Hiatus, but also not since you will still be getting stories about the characters during the years in between 'now' and when part 4 happens.
My deepest and heartfelt thanks to you, my dear readers, for sticking with me for so long. I am an amature writer, just having fun and you have humbled me with your enjoyment of this meager story telling. It is truly all of you that keep me going at times when I want to give up and throw the towel in.
See you on the other side!
Part Four WILL come, I promise. I genuinely just want to have it thoroughly mapped out and to give it the time it deserves rather than just half ass it so I can get it done and keep my promises. Lol. Enjoy Chapter 1 of Amidst the Coming Dark.
Sincerely,
Pegasus
