Chapter 70 – Balancing Act
Prime P.O.V
''The ship's name was the ''The Ark.'' I watched it escape Cybertron myself.'' I blinked my optics as I recalled what had happened millions of years ago. I started to walk towards Mearing on the catwalk. ''It was carrying an Autobot technology that would have won us the war, and it's captain.'' I could not help letting the sadness in my tone leech out. I had reached the walkway and wrapped my servo about a rail as I stared at Mearing.
''Who was its captain?'' she queried.
''The Great Sentinel Prime, the technologies inventor.'' I looked away for a moment, recalling my old friend and mentor. ''He was commander of the Autobots before me.'' I removed my servo from the railing and turned to address Lennox, my Autobots and the remainder of the people in the room, ''It is imperative that I find it before the Decepticons learn of its location.'' I turned back towards Mearing and brought my helm in closer towards her to emphasise my point, ''Our Autobot spacecraft has the ability to get there, and,'' I paused to let the gravity of my words sink in, ''you must pray it's in time.''
Mearing looked concerned, as well she should be. If the Decepticons were to get a hold of the pillars the ramifications would be disastrous for life on Earth. I sent Phoenix a quick glance. She stood there with her dermas in a tight line and one servo wrapped about her waist, her optics fixed firmly on me. She clearly understood the seriousness of the situation. The thought of anything happening to her made me sick to my spark. I returned my gaze towards Mearing awaiting her response to my warning and offer.
Mearing blanched for a moment, gripping the railing to steady herself as the meaning and warning of my words sunk in. She raised her eyes to my optics and slowly nodded her head. ''I will gain the necessary clearance Optimus Prime. Prepare your spacecraft for immediate departure.''
I nodded my helm to her. The conversation, the explanation, and what passed for an apology, was at an end. Now all that remained was for action to right this wrong.
Mearing disappeared down the catwalk. Followed by her aide and the other Government officials. I nodded to Dr Aldrin and the other NASA representatives and they too disappeared from wherever it was they had come from.
''Well, anyone else here who is a human or was a human, and just had your mind blown, raise your servo.'' Phoenix spoke for the first time and the shock was evident in her voice.
/And here it comes!/. I fought back a small smile of endearment and turned to face her.
''How you holdin' up Lennox? Cause I know my processor is fried. Man, you think everything you learned in history class is true. That the facts in history texts are accurate. Then along comes some hardnosed bitch with a massive sense of self-importance,'' I heard a few sniggers come from Bumblebee, Ironhide and Dino not to mention Lennox gave a quick smile before looking around him, ''and she blows everything you thought you knew about one of the greatest events in human history, clean out of the water.''
She shook her helm and looked at me, her shock giving way to anger. ''I'm with you Prime! How dare they lie to us, presume we are not able to deal with the truth and cover up what really happened.'' Her optics flashed with barely contained rage, ''Let this be a lesson for you Prime, and you,'' she gave a cursory glance towards the others, ''humans lie! They do it all the time, to each other, to visiting alien races, to themselves.'' Phoenix gave a self-depreciating snort of recognition. ''Some of them get so good at it, they forget what truth even looks like.''
She turned to face me, ''so don't take it personally Prime. Get used to it!'' She spat out the words and stalked back towards the wall, leaning against it. Folding her arms across her chest she changed the topic to the pressing matter at hand, ''So, when are we heading off to the moon to check out the crashed Ark? I've always wanted to go to the moon, see if I can find that ''man'' they talk about.'' She gave a small smile.
As changeable as the air was my Phoenix.
I shook my helm at her slowly, she was not going to like what I had to say but she would have to accept it. I could not allow our new ''relationship'' to affect all of the decisions I made as leader. I had to begin the process of balancing my role as Prime with whatever it was Phoenix and I had. ''Sorry Phoenix, not all of us will be going. This is essentially a quick reconnaissance and rescue mission. To that end I will be going myself and,'' I turned to face Rachet who had stood silently at the back of the group. ''Rachet will also attend in case his medical expertise is required if we find Sentinel Prime aboard.''
She glowered at me for a moment, her optics narrowed dangerously and flashed fire at me as some strong emotions swirled about them. I did not falter in my decision and I returned her gaze with my own hard stare. A silent war of wills was being fought across the room and only a handful of those present knew the true reason why it was taking place.
Jazz made a sound like a cough, ''Well, ya all heard Prime, anyone not involved in tha mission ta tha moon ya'll are dismissed and need ta attend ta your stations or previous tasks.'' He made a gesture with his servos as if ushering the rest of the Autobots and humans away from Phoenix and I.
Very slowly they all peeled away and moved off into the various bays and areas of the large hanger. I nodded to Jazz in thanks as he also made to move off. Lennox had likewise given me a nod and cast a quick nod to Phoenix too, who appeared to ignore it, before he also gathered up the humans around and sent them off on their way. Soon it was just Phoenix and I standing in the same room – though we were miles apart. Not wishing to continue a silent war of wills, I walked over to her to speak with her in private. She stood up off the wall as I approached.
I held my servos up before me in placation, ''Phoenix, I understand you are upset at the thought of being left behind yet again…..''
She glanced away from me, furrowing her optic ridge and clenching her servos before turning back to address me, her tone allowing her hurt and annoyance to seep through, ''Damn straight I am Prime! I can't help but feel,'' she cast her optics about to check no prying audials or ears were listening before she continued, lowering her voice, ''that ever since our ''moment'' on the beach less than three days ago, I have barely seen you! We have waited years for the chance and the courage to share how we feel about each other and now, now it seems as though fate cruelly separates us at every possible turn.'' She cast her optics to the ground, and I felt waves of sadness and frustration roll off her form.
I stepped closer to her and placed my servo on her shoulder under the guise of a sympathetic leader offering counsel, when in reality it was an excuse to touch her. I ex-vented deeply before dropping my voice to a low whisper, ''Oh my Phoenix, believe me, I share your frustration and anger at the present situation between us. There is nothing more I would like than to be back on our beach on Diego Garcia with you wrapped in my arms.'' I quickly glanced around before I raised my servo to her face, brushing her cheek plate for a moment. She leant into my touch, briefly grabbing my servo in hers.
I turned my body slightly to try and block the tender moment between us from any optics or eyes that may stray in our direction. It took every ounce of will power and strength I had not to wrap my arms about her and hold her to me.
Sighing out loud, I removed my servo and took a step back from her, trying to reduce temptation. She also gave a sigh and let her shoulders slump, before wrapping one arm about her waist. In a voice that was barely a whisper she spoke to me again, ''Prime, it was hard enough before watching you go off on dangerous missions, being separated from you for days or weeks on end until you returned. And now. Now that things have changed between us,'' she paused a moment her chassis heaving with the effort of keeping such strong emotions inside, ''it's going to be damn near bloody impossible to let you go!''
My spark ached inside its casing as she raised her optics to look at mine, ''I understand you are The Prime and you still need to act as such, that whatever ''we are'' or have between us, has to learn to live in balance with that role you play,'' she sighed out loud.
/Oh, how I loved this femme/.
Phoenix continued, ''but it just makes it harder knowing I will always have to give you up for moments such as this. That we will never truly have the chance to be just us, to be together, not constantly called away to save the world.'' She looked away from me then with a rueful smile on her dermas.
/Could she be rethinking her decision?/. I felt a spike of terror tear through me and I had to voice my worry, ''Phoenix? Are… are you saying you wish to take back what you said to me? Do you no longer wish to be with me?'' The words came out as a faint whisper, the pain and fear I felt at the thought she was regretting her decision very evident in my tone.
Phoenix gave a small smile and unwrapped the servo from about her waist before stepping forward and giving me a quick hug. For a moment I tensed thinking everyone could see us. In almost the same thought cycle I thought to myself /Slag it to the pits, let them see!/.
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, savouring the touch. Her voice slightly muffled against my chest, ''Oh Prime! NEVER…'' I felt myself relax and my spark pulsed again strongly as she laid to rest my fear. ''I will never regret being with you, I would only regret not having you in my life.'' I squeezed her tighter. She made to pull away from me and I reluctantly let her go. ''However,'' she looked me in the optics, ''that doesn't mean it's going to be easy, for either of us.'' A smile spread across her dermas, ''especially for me seeing as I have not had millions of years to adjust to this kind of life sharing a ''PRIME'' with his people and the universe. Nor have I had the practice of repeatedly putting others before myself for millennia as you have done. I guess I am kind of selfish in that respect, you'll have to have patience with me.''
I smiled back at her and once again gently brushed her cheek with my digits, ''My Phoenix, you give yourself far too little credit. Besides, do not think yourself so far down the list of priorities in my life. You my dear Phoenix, are right at the top.'' My digits quickly brushed over cheek and down over her dermas and I felt myself leaning down towards her, aching to capture them in a quick kiss.
Phoenix gave a derisive but playful laugh and gently tapped me on my chest which, thankfully, halted my actions. ''Yeah, sure Prime! It goes Universe, Earth, Your Autobots and Me,'' she teased before correcting herself quickly, ''No wait! The Autobots, me and then Mudflap and Skids. In that order.'' She smiled once again at me and I shook my helm at her cheeky impertinence.
I dropped my voice to a lower register to avoid being heard and as a veiled threat. ''Watch it Phoenix or the twins might be bumped up the list.'' Though my words sounded menacing, my optics shone with mirth and affection. She pouted at me playfully and for a moment it was as though we were back on our beach having one of our chats.
Phoenix raised an optic ridge at me, ''Oh really? Sounds like a challenge to me.''
There was a cough off to our right as Rachet appeared. Both Phoenix and I turned to face him, the smiles slowly slipping from our dermas. ''I'm sorry Prime and Phoenix to interrupt your – conversation - but I have just heard word from Lennox that Mearing has received approval for our mission, and we are to depart for Cape Canaveral at once.'' He smiled warmly at us both. ''On a more personal note, I am glad you have both had the chance to sort things out between you. I truly am happy for you.''
I cleared my throat in a decidedly human manner, ''Thank you Rachet for the message and your kind words. However, we would appreciate it if you, Ironhide and Jazz kept it to yourselves for a while longer.'' I turned to face Phoenix and my optics shone as I smiled yet again, ''While we have indeed finally confessed that we have feelings for each other,'' Phoenix smiled brightly at me and then Rachet as I continued, ''we have not yet had the chance to fully discuss and explore this new aspect to our relationship and would appreciate the chance to do so before announcing it to everyone''.
Rachet nodded though he gave a smile, ''As you wish Prime and Phoenix, though, you were doing a pretty good job of ''announcing it'' yourselves a moment ago with your hug and intimate gestures.'' I felt myself freeze and Phoenix ducked her helm in embarrassment. ''You might want to watch that if you do indeed wish to keep your relationship a secret much longer. I'll meet you out front Prime.'' He gave us both a playful smile and a nod before walking off towards the entrance of the hanger.
As soon as he was out of audial range Phoenix spoke, ''I'm sorry about that Prime, that was my fault.'' She looked apologetically at me.
I shook my helm, ''Nonsense Phoenix! I must share a portion of the blame too. I could not keep my servos to myself.'' I quickly darted my optics over her attractive frame and dropped my voice to a seductive lower register, ''and can you blame me'' I said suggestively to her. /Primus but I wanted to push her up against the wall and claim her, taste her yet again/.
Phoenix's dermas flew open and she let out a small gasp of shock, ''Optimus! That is most unbecoming of a Prime. I had no idea you were capable of such comments.'' She shook her helm mischievously, ''I like it!'' and she laughed out loud.
I returned her smile, ''You better be careful what you say Phoenix, you might just lead me astray even more than you already have.'' I gave another loud sigh as she bashfully turned her helm away. ''Well, I hate to say it my Phoenix, but the time has come for me to depart. I will return as swiftly as possible and hopefully with Sentinel Prime and his technology safely in our grasp.''
Both mindful of Rachet's words spoken a moment ago, I tried to banish lustful thoughts and refrained from reaching out to her. Phoenix did the same. ''Be safe Prime and good luck, I'll be waiting for you.'' Phoenix gave a small nod towards me and brought her arms back around her waist. I returned her nod and let my optics linger on her frame a moment longer before I turned and walked out towards the entrance to the hanger.
As I transformed and led Rachet back to Andrews Air Force base to fly down to Cape Canaveral Air Force Station and the awaiting ''Xanthium'' at Kennedy Space Centre, the thought that Phoenix was indeed right coursed through me. As hard as it was before having to leave her to go on missions such as this, it was going to be damn near impossible now! With each passing mile between us I felt my spark ache and I missed her terribly. I had not had to balance my role as Prime with a relationship for millions of years. And while the same was as true then as it was now, that it hurt to be separated from the one you loved, somehow, it was worse this time around.
Perhaps it was because Elita 1 had been a seasoned leader herself, commanding the female Autobots? Perhaps it was in part due to fact that Elita and I did not actually get to spend much time together, being so busy fighting and leading a war with our respective teams? Whilst we were still fighting a war with the Decepticons at present, the constant intensity seemed to have lessened and there had been periods of time with very little activity. As a result, Phoenix and I had had a chance to spend more uninterrupted time together getting to know each other over the past few years than Elita and I had in almost our entire relationship together. Maybe I had had a chance to grow closer to Phoenix as a result?
Whatever it was, for a brief moment, I felt my resolve and my confidence waver. /Can I actually continue to lead the Autobots and give Phoenix all she needs from me, all I want to give her?/. The thought continued to plague me for the next six hours as we made our way to the awaiting spaceship and our mission to rescue Sentinel Prime. /Maybe if Sentinel Prime can be reactivated, I won't have to lead the Autobots anymore?/.
The thought both saddened and excited me for reasons I did not wish to examine too closely at the present moment.
