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There should be a word for memories which deny themselves.

I found Vense destroyed. Bandits and Grimm. Grimm and bandits. One then the other left this place abandoned of all people. Probably first came bandits then wave after wave of Grimm in a horde until it was left in ruins. My boots crushed glass from shattered windows. The low cobblestone buildings with red roofs were collapsed in places. The whole town, not more than a few hundred people, was totally deserted.

Rosé looked on in horror. Neo paced up beside me with a certain apathy that I couldn't fault her for. What was she supposed to do? Being upset wouldn't change anything. I tried to emulate her a little while maintaining my empathy.

"All these people…" Rosé trailed off into nothing. I understood how she felt. I had been there and done that in Anima. In a small valley I had come across town after destroyed town. I knew this place even if I had never been here before. I know what we would find or rather what we wouldn't find. Memories of another frustrated crimsonette and other devastated villas flashed across my mind. True memories not like so many of my fake ones.

"Search for survivors," I ordered. "Meet back here in an hour. Let's split up. Rosé, go with Neo. See what you can find."

I marked the rage in Rosé's face as she gazed out at the ruins. People had lived here. People died here. Now the only thing left were empty homes and offices. A few hundred dead. Wiped off the face of Remnant. What did it matter? Villages rose and fell all the time in the Grimm lands. Settlements came and went like wild flowers in passing.

I marched out amongst the buildings. My sight swept over the town hall. It was built like refuge. A fortress in case the worst should pass. Now the doors were torn open and there were only remains inside. The Grimm could be as thorough as they were brutal. They were intrinsically destructive intent incarnate. A swarm may gather and feed on itself due to the fear and anguish they bring. A town could be overwhelmed. It happens. Civilians die. What could be done?

Though I scoured as best as I could through the wreckage and standing buildings I found no survivors and when Rosé and Neo met up with me again by the arched entrance I found them with no additions to our party either. It was as it was. I had expected this. Rosé looked crestfallen and despairing.

"We'll find the bandit tracks and destroy them. The Grimm likely dispersed. There won't be anything of them to follow unless you spot the tracks of something big. We'll head out and do our job. Whatever comes with that."

Rosé looked at a house with a doll and torn remains.

"Rosé." I tried to get her attention. It was in vain. She was spacing out in her sense of loss. I tried desperately to reach her again. "Rosé!"

She didn't react. I reached and touched her. She jumped a little in her spot. She was spooked. She must have been truly deep in her thoughts.

"Yes? What is it?" She asked after a beat. I gave her a concerned look and appraised her mental state slightly as I did.

"Are you prepared to move on? Or do you need a little time? This must be quite the shock. It's easy to give up hope when you see this type of thing."

"Do hunters see it often?"

"Often enough for it to get boarish but not so often as to get truly used to it."

"How do you handle something like this?"

"We avenge the fallen people as best we can. Then we try and move on with our lives. There was nothing we could have done but knowing that doesn't make it easier. It actually in some ways makes it more difficult. Not less."

"But we still have to move on. We still have to try and get past it."

"We do," I agreed. "It comes with the job. Hunters undergo trauma regularly. It can be difficult for us to keep it up. Psychotherapy is frequently prioritized for hunters. Paid leave is common."

"Because of the damage a rogue hunter can cause."

"Exactly. It's important for those of us with the most power to be kept in check and monitored. There would be chaos and mistrust otherwise. That would bring fear."

"And fear breeds hordes of Grimm. Which cause more destruction in a feedback loop. I understand. But are you kept in check? You abuse substances. You're depressed. You're afraid. You have PTSD," it was not phrased like a question. She knew. She was a smart girl and she could see the signs. Her eyes were being opened to the real world of hunting.

"Perhaps. I'm maybe a little fucked up. It can happen. I… I have had it harder than most. It can wear on me. I try my best though. I'm pessimistic by nature and that holds me down."

"You tried therapy?"

"And prescription drugs. I had a neurologist, a psychiatrist, and a psychologist all working on my case in Atlas. PTSD and bipolar depression with psychotic features bordering on schizoaffective disorder. Beacon and the wild took its toll on me. But I push through. I have to. But you see shit like this often enough and it can tear you down even if it's slowly. Like water on rock. Eventually it erodes a path even through the toughest stone. We can only do our best."

"It's horrible. And it's dangerous. You're… you're dangerous. If you snapped you could kill someone. A lot of someones."

I flinched a little. It was too late. I already had snapped once and I did kill people. Ren and Nora and others besides. When I had gone on my murder tear nothing could stop me. I killed and tortured because I had the power to and no one could stop me. If I wanted to do it again I could and there wouldn't be anyone who could realistically get in my way. I was powerful even for a huntsman. The truth was that I was indeed dangerous and I could do those things. I could easily break under Mother's pressure and do all sorts of crazy things. I could kill a lot of people before a kingdom amassed the resources to put me down. Especially with communications in their current state. Raven Branwen was like that. She was a nightmare come true for the organized places of civilization. She needed to be put down but with her semblance pinning her in place and trapping her was difficult even for someone as strong as me. All my power was impotent.

"So could you at this point. You're stronger and faster than a normal person and you have a weapon and you know how to use it. We train our children with weapons and give them superpowers and then we're shocked that they turn brutish. Is it a surprise? Not really. Hunters are dangerous because they have to be to deal with Grimm and bandits but when you're raised and trained for warfare accidents happen. It's tough to stay empathetic though hunters naturally are. It comes with the sixth sense. But that empathy only makes this sort of thing harder. It's important to be aware of that. But our empathy is a good thing. It keeps us connected to the people we save and to each other. It just also has its drawbacks as all things do."

"I had no idea. Hunters have it really tough. It's hard. So hard. I thought it would be glory and heroics but it's not. Its' killing people and it's destroying a part of yourself. And it takes and takes. I was unprepared."

I didn't say that I tried to warn her. We both knew that I had. It would do nothing for me to say it again. To rub salt in the wound over this wouldn't teach her anything. It would be pointless and cruel.

"You must be tired," Rosé murmured.

I was. I was so tired. Exhaustion weighed me down with every step. I had seen so much. I had gone through so much more. I lost things. I devoted myself to revenge. When I finally got that revenge it didn't satisfy me at all. It just left me directionless and so burdened.

Neo looked between us with glassy eyes. She leaned her umbrella against her shoulder and looked like she was relaxing into it.

"Yes. Yes I am. How are you holding up yourself?"

"I'm tired too," she murmured. "Seeing this type of thing is the hardest thing I've done. Your right about how it wears you down. Soon I won't be anything but sand. It's a fine edge we walk on. Sharp enough to split hairs and it cuts deep."

"We need to move on. Are you ready to do that?"

"I am. Let's avenge these people then go to bed. I'm so exhausted."

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I showed her how to follow the tracks people left behind. Bootfalls imprinted in the wet earth lead the way. Maybe a dozen or two. Perhaps more. It would be a contest between us and them and with every step Rosé seemed to be preparing for it. I pointed out the tracks to her where they faded and the places where they pushed the trees and foliage aside to make way. People were easier to follow than animals or even Grimm. People were clumsier than animals. The marks they left behind were obvious to the trained eye. There could be no mistake in that.

Blood, or at least more blood, would be split today. Every day on Remnant there was some fresh horror. Why should today be any different from those that came before? It shouldn't. It should be terrible. There was nothing to be done but to go for the kill. I told her to always go for the throat and I needed to do that with my own problems as well.

The tracks left behind by our party of bandits was wide. I could kill them all though. Unless they had serious support I could seriously kill them all and I didn't need Rosé or Neo's help to do it. I was a dangerous mad man. I would show these bandits what they had wrought when they pillaged.

It was time. It was time for Rosé to learn the real cost of being a huntress and the sorts of dirty things one had to do to get along on this godforsaken planet. I couldn't change that. I could only set her up as best as I was able for success. I couldn't pay that price for her or shoulder the burden. There was only one thing to be done. Vengeance and paltry killings. That's all that lay before us. That's what a hunter really did. They killed things and nothing more. It's what we train for at our academies. It's what we give children super weapons and powers for. It was necessary. It was cruel. It was Remnant.

"Are we getting close now? Do you think?" Rosé asked me as we retread the path.

"It's hard to say. We'll know them when we come across them. We have to be patient and wary both in equal parts. We don't want to walk into an ambush. We want to catch them with their pants down. People are clever animals. They can be terribly dangerous, as much as any Grimm. And just as monstrous and destructive as any real monster. Serial killers aren't an uncommon threat for you to face. And make no mistake, these bandits are killers. They will kill you if you give them half an opportunity. So don't."

She sighed heavily as though preparing herself for the slaughter this very second. Her hand fell to the handle of her blade. It was done out of search for comfort. It was for some semblance of control over the situation. But there was no control. Only duty and responsibility but never control. Control was for people safe inside city walls and living in ignorance of the beasts out in the forests and hills. It wasn't an illusion for hunters to indulge in. Or at the very least they didn't indulge in it for very long. Those sorts of hunters wouldn't survive in this harsh world. That was the law of this planet. There was no balance. There was only mayhem and brief periods of stability in isolated pockets. There were sharks in the waters of time and space. They would get you eventually as well. And you had to fight against it too, even though you were going to lose for certain. There was only one thing to do. Just one. It was to fight it and rage. But those sharks would for certain get you.

Rosé was fresh off the boat. She didn't know yet but she would. I tried to tell her and warn her but it was of no avail. Some things you needed to be shown. There was no substitute for experience in life and you only got so much of it before it was over.

I heard voices up ahead in the trees. The soft flare of a fire crackling in a pit. There were people ahead. We were at the end of our trail. Rosé drew her sword as I pulled the massive broadsword from my back. Neo took out her little thin blade and crouched low and ready, waiting. She wielded her weapon in one hand and had her umbrella in the other. We were prepared.

"Remember what I told you."

"Wait!" She shout-whispered. "I'm not ready. I'm unprepared. I can't do this. Not this. I don't want to be a killer."

I looked at her with a grim expression. Determination was written in the brow of my eyes and Neo had a certain grin.

"You must. It's what we are for. We have to fight them. We have to stop them. We have to kill them. Or else another city or town will suffer. We have to suffer so that they don't. It's our responsibility. We must take on their suffering. That's the burden and the price of our powers. If we don't do this no one else will or can or should. It's up to us and us alone. Steel yourself. Feel your weapon in your hands. You must do this. If not today then you will sometime."

There were the sounds of laughter through the brush. The bandits were having a gay old time. They had food and water and supplies recently stolen and there was, to their knowledge, no one who could stop them from going back for more. Everything was as it should be for them. That laughter must be silenced. That joking must stop. There were the sounds of birds calling out in the late evening forest. In the end we would camp probably around here where the bandits had. We would sleep on the same blood splattered soil.

"Rosé you have to. It's up to you and you alone to see justice done. If you don't do it then who will? It shall happen over and over again in an unending cycle of human misery. We have to break the wheel. We have to shatter the link. We have to end it here and now."

"Where would it end? Where will this take me? It won't stop tonight but it will go on and on and on. Will I ever know peace again if I do this? Where you go I can't follow. I can't do it. I can't. I just can't."

"Fine," I murmured. "Neo, on the count of three. One. Two. Three."

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-WG