Chapter Title: Exhaustion

Series Title: Unlikely Brothers

Ages in this chapter: Tanner (19) Dashen (25)

POV: Tanner

Chapter Summary: Dashen's stress and anxiety inducing lifestyle finally catches up with him.


I loved my brother with everything that I was. For years he'd looked after me. Rescued me. Taken me in. Held onto me as if I was a brother born to his blood. I hadn't been of course. We weren't related by blood. I didn't have a brother until I was nine years old. I had a Jedi family. All of whom were slaughtered. With the most important killed right in front of my eyes.

That loss had led me to what I'd had for these last many years. I was nineteen. Ten years removed from that terrified mousy creature hiding in a wall and waiting to die. Now I had a life. A job. A family. Friends. Things were good.

Except they weren't. Not today. Not for my brother.

For as much as he'd taken care of me as I grew up. Protecting me from bounty hunters and criminals and the evil of the galaxy, I looked after

him just as much. Because Dashen was hard on himself. Not that he let anyone see it, but I saw. I knew. Colton did too. Healer Quin as well. Dashen never gave himself a break or time off from looking after me. Even when I was fully capable of doing it myself. His anxieties and stresses

ran to depths of the deepest seas. He'd been eleven when his world first began falling part. The death of his parents. He'd been thirteen when his world collapsed into unrecognizable pieces. The death of the brother

he loved more than life. For two years following, he wallowed in the unbearable pain of those losses. Failed attempts to end his own life followed. By the time he'd found me two years after his brother's death,

he was basically a shell that floated helplessly from hour to hour. Then he took over my care and it gave him a bit of hope. Someone to care about.

It also gave him someone to worry over again.

A lifetime of strain on the heart and mind was enough to wear down even the most hardened of souls.

Here he was now. At twenty-five, pushed beyond the limits of what a human body would allow.

Healer Quin Kalis admitted him to the hospital ward. Severe exhaustion is what she called it. The most severe she'd seen. Rest was in order. A lot of it. He needed to not worry so much and not stress so much. He needed to know that I was okay to look after myself.

Quin (she was also Colton's personal physician) had taken a reluctant liking to us during these ten years. A true healer in every sense of the word, she looked after both the physical and the mental well being.

I watched as she sat quietly with Dash, pushing his long bangs from his face. Placing and replacing a cool rag on his forehead. Quin was a no nonsense healer and often directly to the point, but over these years, we had wormed our way into her heart and managed to implant ourselves there for when the worst happened.

"Dashen. You are not well." Quin said softly to him. I stood just outside the door, waiting my turn to visit. "So much worry. So much stress. You fret over that boy who is no longer a boy. You worry of your past. Still, you live for the brother you lost. Trying impossibly hard to not let him down though he's been gone for so long. Your parents are in your heart always as well. You fret that you let them down by losing your brother. These years later... I knew of your mother. Did I never mention that? Mostly in passing, but she was fiercely protective. Perhaps she is from where you get that trait. You miss her love. Her devotion to you and your brother. The simpleness of

her warm hand to your forehead, brushing at your hair, telling you that everything would be okay. Life was easy then. You miss that most about her, that safety of her embrace and her kind voice. You don't have that now, do you? You have your brother. Tannerlin loves you just as ridiculously as you love him. Colton would die for you. I know that as fact. But none of that could ever be the same as your mother cradling you in her arms and promising the world to her child. Nothing can replace that though you have those who love you dearly. One of those people, he's right outside the door there. He's been waiting to see you for three days. Would you like me to bring him in?"

From his bed, I saw Dashen's eyes - bloodshot and tired - focus on Quin. Tears trailed from the corners. The healer had hit every single weak spot my brother possessed. She'd done it intentionally because at some point, if he didn't accept and deal with the things that hurt him so badly, then he'd live this intensely stress filled life for the rest of his days. And most certainly it would one day kill him.

And that just wasn't acceptable.

I needed my brother and I'd do anything to make sure he understood that.

At Quin's words, Dashen whispered out, "Tanner's here?"

Quin motioned me to enter. I did, heading straight to my brother's bedside, kneeling next to him and carefully throwing my arms around him. I clutched him. He clutched back. It was an emotional mess. I'd seen him fall to pieces a few days ago, I needed to be part of putting him back together.

"Sorry." He sniffed into my shoulder.

"Not your fault, big brother. This all just happened. Finally things fell apart and you couldn't carry it any longer. It's okay. It'll be okay. You've taken care of others for so long. It's time to take a break. Let us care for you."

"Love you, Mouse."

"Love you back, Dash."

I released him and sat up, my hand never leaving his; my fingers tucked tightly around his own.

"My home for a while, huh?" He said, motioning with his eyes at the sterile room surrounding him.

"You need it. So don't fight it and don't give Quin any crap, got it? You have one job, to get better. Everything else is handled. Your job. My security. Hey, I can even feed myself these days." I smirked.

"Jerk."

"I know, but I take after my idiot brother, remember?"

"Colton says I've taught you my bad habits."

I shrugged. "Eh, well, I pick and choose. Quin says I can't come visit every day, she wants you to have quiet time. And the hypospray she gave you, it'll help take the edge off. Let you sleep."

"You'll call me."

I could see the trickle of worry creeping back in already. His intense need to keep me safe. Quin and I exchanged a look. She nodded.

"I'll call. Promise. It'll be okay, Dash. It'll get better. You just have to learn how to deal with it all, you know? It's been a long time. Your mind... your body... they're all just really tired."

"Maybe I need therapy or some of your boring ass meditation."

A smile pulled at the corners of my mouth. "I can always teach you."

To my surprise, he didn't throw the idea away immediately.

"Dunno. Maybe. I suppose Quin here has some plans in mind. I know she isn't about to just let me lay around on my butt while I'm here."

Quin's turn to smile. "Fen and I do have some thoughts, Dashen. For the moment however, yes, I wish you to lie around and do nothing. I'll bring a monitor in, you can watch holo-films. You can talk to your brother some, but that's about it. We will then work from there. Therapy of some sort is not out of the question."

"Hey, Dash," I said to him, turning his attention back to me. "It's a good thing. And if Quin says I can be involved, even if it's just a comm call, I'm there. I love you and I want you to feel better. But I want you to feel better for you, inside your heart and your mind. It'll happen. I know it will."

He laughed tiredly. "You always were a deep kid, Tanner. A better person than just about anyone. I hate this, that my life's problems have driven me to this point. You know sometimes the weight I've put on myself is just too damn much. I can hardly breathe sometimes."

"You still shoulder too much."

"Old habits die hard." Dashen's eyes moved again to Quin. "He can stay, right? For the evening?"

The lady healer gave approval. "He can stay. You'll be asleep in an hour anyway. And if you're not," she held up another hypospray, "I am armed. You will rest, Dashen and you will listen to your brother. He's much wiser than you are. Always has been."

Not a slam on my brother, just the truth. He'd be the first to admit it.

"I'd be dead without him."

Another truth.

"Indeed you would." At this point in our lives, Quin knew Dashen as well as Dashen knew himself. She'd been a healer far too long to not know her patients. "Tannerlin, every third day. Those are your visits."

I agreed. It seemed fair enough. Dashen agreed as well, not that he had any actual say in the matter.

Quin left and it was just my brother and me. Dashen reached for my hand.

"Sorry, Mouse. I should have never have let it get this bad. It just kept building year after year and it about knocked me over at times, but it's part of me since I was eleven years old. Maybe even from the time Kossi was born. I loved my brother so much it hurt. Probably wasn't normal, but I couldn't turn it off. When my folks let me see him for the first time, and his green eyes matched mine. I fell for the kid. He was mine to love and care for and protect. Then... then it all fell apart and I never recovered. I should have, you know? I mean, you're nineteen. More than capable of looking after yourself. And the Jedi are not all that high on the most wanted list these days. Hell, the Emperor practically erased any knowledge of you guys from existence. The bright red target on your back is more like pale orange, but you're my family, damn it and if anything were to happen to you... Yeah, been there before. And we see how well that turned out." He squeezed my hand. "Sorry I didn't say anything. This anxiety has been with me for the majority of my life, it's been a part of who I am. Thought I handle it."

I gave my brother a pained look. "I could have forced the subject. I saw it in you and felt it; more than a few times, I tried to send waves your way through the Force. But then today..."

"Today was a really bad day, Mouse. Just a really bad day. That thing... she hurt you and I wanted her to pay for that." Exhausted green eyes found the knife slash ran from my right ear to my neck. No longer bleeding. Treated and healing. Dash didn't see that healing part though. He only saw the one thing - "I'm tired of people hurting my family. So damn tired. Guess it was the last straw after a lifetime of last straws. Here I am broken again."

"You're not broken."

Dashen yawned as the first hypo began taking hold. "Feel like it."

"We'll you're not. So, shut up and rest like Quin says. I'll see you in a few days and call you tomorrow."

"Gonna be hard to be separate. You know," another yawn, "Colton always says we're attached at the damn hip, right? Yeah, those are usually his exact words."

"But he gave up telling us how unhealthy it was. Not that we ever listened to him. I personally consider us fortunate and essential rather than unhealthy."

"Because you're a deep soul, Mouse. And for some stupid reason you see the good in me when I don't always see it myself."

"You've got a ton of good, Dash. You just worry. All the time. That's what unhealthy."

"You gonna help me be better?"

"I am."

Dashen stopped for a moment. His eyes clouding up. "Why do you care so damn much?"

"Because of my big brother. I've been following you around since I was nine. Wanting to learn from you. Be like you. I had to throw away part of my own past to move on and I only had you to cling to. I care because I have a big brother that loves me to death and that I love back. But he worried himself to exhaustion and now it's time for him to worry less. It's time for him to let others take care of him. His little brother. His fake uncle. His healer."

"Mostly his little brother though." Dashen said sleepily.

"Mostly his little brother." I agreed reaching down to squeeze his hand again.

"M'okay with that."

"Dash, you're here because you need to be. You need to get better. I'll be okay, I promise."

"You'll visit soon."

"As soon as I'm allowed. Three days."

He was fading, but still trying to look out for me as his mind was sucked into unconsciousness.

"You be safe. Colton will look after you."

I smiled, giving up the battle of trying to get it through his head that I'd be all right while we were separated. "He'll look after me." I said softly, calling on the Force and directing calming sleep tendrils his way.

Dashen being Dashen, he knew. Even his fading state, he knew.

"Feel that, Mouse. D-damn Jedi."

He didn't say anything else, the drugs working quickly now. The tension released from his face and I held tight to his hand until he slept.

"Get better, Dash. Love you."

I stayed with him until Quin kicked me out, threatening to have me thrown out if I didn't go. After years of treating us both from minor injuries to life and death situations, she was no stranger to the attached at the hip relationship Dashen and I had. I clung. He clung. We were what we had. Others might think it unhealthy, but the traumas of our pasts had brought us together and made us who we were to each other. Unfortunately, that had all led to where we were now. Dashen, in the hospital, exhausted and worn from years of anxiety piled on top of each other. Maybe this stay would help him. Maybe it wouldn't. I just wanted him to have time to detach from everything. It was frightening seeing him like this. Not broken, but beyond the ability to function due to the intense stresses he put on himself since he was a small child.

I asked Quin before she pushed me from his room. "This may not fix him."

Her smile toward me was soft and understanding. She was honest, as always. "I don't suspect it will. Not in whole anyway. What Dashen is, it's born into him. He may think it developed over time, but he's simply a natural worrier. My hope is to get him to accept that and learn how to cope before it gets to this point."

"You think he will?"

The look she offered said more than any words could.

"Even with his anxieties, it's better than the alternative. He's alive and generally healthy. He's got people who care about him. It's more than some can claim."

"Attached at the hip?" I forced a smirk.

"Unhealthy, yes, but perhaps not all bad. You and your brother are a pair, no doubt. You've kept me busy and driven me crazy over these years. But you are good people. Hip attachment or not."

I nodded. "He's in good hands. Thank you."

"Go home, Tannerlin. You need rest as well. Do your meditation, find your own way to handle life without your brother for a while. Whether you think so or not, this will be trying for you as well."

She wasn't wrong. For my entire life, I'd been part of a close knit team. The Jedi and Master Ayden, then Dashen. I'd never really known what it's like to be alone, to be without someone that I cared about next to me. I had ways to deal with my own anxieties, but I'd never spent any extended period of time without someone near. We joke about it, but Dashen and I really had been inseparable in our ten years as brothers. Not that we weren't okay on our own. Together though... together we were just better. Unhealthy or not. Exhausted or not.

"I promise to take care of myself."

And with that, I left my brother alone to deal with the stress and exhaustion that had compressed and compelled him for the majority of his life.

I pressed a kiss to his temple, leaving him in the most capable of hands... to begin his journey to recovery.


END