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I accompanied Weiss from the training room. Together she and Penny were progressing well with their training. Oscar had yet to divide the power from Penny once more. The plan had been for Weiss to become spring or fall but she was already winter. That means it fell on one of us to take up the responsibilities. We nominated Blake to become fall. It was then just a matter of getting Oscar ready to do the procedure and there was no real rush now. Time was on our side for once.

Weiss and I walked through grey and light blue hallways in the academy. White lights shone down on us. They were artificial but not harsh, they were soft.

We made it to our room passing the room which used to be Cloud's. I stared at it and let out a little sigh. I knew why he felt he had to leave. That didn't mean that I liked it one bit. I missed him. Sure I had Weiss but there was something missing in my life without him. He took a piece of my heart when he left. I wanted it back.

"You two have mail." Yang held up an envelope while she browsed her scroll in the room.

"Another letter?" I asked as excited as a puppy. "From Cloud?" I was practically panting.

"Looks like it," Yang smiled a little sadly at me. "I didn't open it. Here."

"Thank you." Weiss took the envelope with steadier hands than mine.

I balled my hands up into little fists near my cheeks. A wide grin roared across my face. I would be glad to hear from him.

His last letter explained how his ship went down. I was worried about him and excited to learn more. Last time when he disappeared we didn't get to hear from him. I was happy that this time was different. He left on his own terms which did hurt in its own way. But correspondence would make it livable.

I watched Weiss open the envelope and unfold the letter with agonizing slowness. Come on, Weiss!

Yang put her ear buds in to give us some privacy so that Weiss could read aloud. She was a good older sister.

"Dear Weiss and Ruby," Weiss began to read. I squealed a little. "It may surprise you to hear this but I have taken on an apprentice. A young girl named Rosé. I could not help myself. She reminded me so much of you both. I think I miss you both sorely. She is a total novice with so much to learn. I hope my pessimism doesn't rub off on her as I try to share the little wisdom I do have. You both know how I can be. I have high hopes for the girl. I picked her up in Winhill. Do you know where that is? It's on Match just south of Atlas. She has some family in Vale that I am simultaneously taking her to while I train her. It's good for me I think. It takes my mind off of other things and brings back good memories."

"Neo is well. I know you both might have mixed feelings about her and she isn't really reformed. At heart she is a killer and a thief but then so am I. It's hard for me to fault her in that way. She reminds me too much of myself for me to not want to look after her as a friend. For a while she was all I had. It's hard to forget that. I won't just abandon her even if she is a little monstrous because I am as well. I think you both forget that too easily. There was a time in my life where I killed and maimed and destroyed lives just because I wanted to and because no one had the power to stop me. I think about those days a lot. Especially now that I am without you once more. It would be easy to fall into that cycle of torment again. I don't think I want to but there is a part of me that likes it. I think I get it from my mother but it is hard to be sure where she begins and I end. We sort of flow into one another. It's hard to explain. I can feel her in my mind to a degree but there is a place where we both blur and become at once neither of us and both of us. There is a no man's land somewhere."

"I have found an edge on my mother. I have a certain apathy and I've grown bored of her nightly tortures. I hardly feel anything anymore. I am numb. Even during the day. I hardly feel pain and when I do it gets all twisted up in my head. I like that too. There's some sadomasochistic tendencies in me that I know I didn't have back at Beacon. Mother has messed my brain up really well until I can't tell pain from pleasure. I've changed and I don't know if it's for the better but you both would be better judges of that. Weiss always said I changed in a good way. Maybe I did and then kept changing. It's hard to be sure of anything. Mother constantly tries to outfox me."

Weiss paused a minute to catch her breath. "My outlook is certainly grim. I have no hopes of getting better from this either. I want you both to know the reality of my situation. Anything less would be unfair. Life feels way too short and way too long at the same time. How can it be both? However," Weiss breathed and I could hardly stand the wait. Waiting was the hardest part.

"I am unsure. When I find my father he may have the answers I've been after for so long. I might be able to coerce him. I don't know. I hope to find him soon."

"I love you both dearly and I hope Weiss's new training is going well. I miss you every day. With best regards - Cloud."

"That's it?" I wondered slightly disappointed. I wanted more. Maybe I just had my hopes set way too high and there was no way any letter would match the real thing anyways. I had better curb my excitement but I just couldn't help myself. "Well we had better put it with the other one - our little collection." I glowed a little at Weiss - my Weiss.

"I will, I will. You can be such a child, Ruby," she was chiding but there was too much affection in her tone to take it to heart. Her voice was too placid a contrast to my excitement. She was cool and I was hot.

I was still happy. The letter was better than nothing. He did truly care. He cared so much that he couldn't be around us. I understood that. I knew that it was hard for him and it wasn't what he wanted at all. At least he found some good he could set his mind to. That was healthy.

"I wonder what his apprentice is really like. He said she reminded him of us. But both of us? I hope he doesn't get any ideas."

"I don't think he will. He can be reminded of us and not do anything untoward," Weiss murmured. "He's loyal."

"Like a big dog," I agreed. And he was in a lot of ways like that. He could be scary and mean but only towards his enemies. To those close to him he was kind and protective. Maybe a little too protective least he would still be here with us. It hurt to think about that though. I didn't really want to.

"What he says about his mental state is concerning. I don't think he would lie to us," Weiss said.

"He would always tell me the truth when I was upset. He wouldn't lie just to make me feel better. He's honest. A little too honest at times," I complained a little in a free fashion.

"He said he doesn't want to worry us but surely he must know that he is," Weiss folded the letter back up and put it in the envelope. Then she put it on the bookshelf next to the other letter we received from him.

In that first letter he had informed us about the plane crash. He should be in Vale soon and communication would be back up and running just as shortly. Still I hoped he would continue to send letters. There was something loving to that.

Weiss sat down on her bed and I took that as an invitation to lay my head on her lap. Weiss had a nice lap. She had nice legs. Cloud had always been right about that.

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"I swore at him," Penny stated in a blunt fashion. I was just talking to her about the letters we were receiving from Cloud and she just came out with it. I sat next to her in a rumbling truck. These missions which I thought were boring became optimal girl talk time. I loved it. Penny was such a sweet friend.

It was bright outside. The spring sun reflected light harshly off the snow. It was a clear and crisp day with very little wind. The snow was melting and running into little streams which were merging together and murmuring along. Deep black rocks soaked up the sun and caused more melting around those rocks where they got warm. It was an opening up of the tundra and though the permafrost wouldn't melt the snow would a little in places. It would stay at least brisk all year round in Atlas.

"Why? You never swear. Why at Cloud?" I asked her. I hadn't heard about this. Though Penny and I hadn't had the chance to talk for some weeks now.

"He said something awful to me when I killed Cinder and took the maiden's power. He said 'it gets easier.' In that moment I think I hated him," Penny came out with her voice somehow airy and flat at the same time.

"He didn't mean anything by it. He was just trying to comfort you."

"That's not very comforting. I think I hated it because… because he reminds me of me."

"What do you mean Penny? Is it because you were both created?"

"In part," Penny answered. "But also because of you."

"Me?" I wondered, slightly incredulous.

"You were my first friend. You were Cloud's first friend too, weren't you," by her tone it was almost an accusation.

"I suppose I was… I met him day one at Beacon when he had just been born. Or not born but created? Let out? I'm not sure how to even say it. But yes I was his very first friend."

"We're a lot alike. Him and me. And when he helped me kill Cinder there was a lot in him I didn't like. He's killed a lot of people. It made me wonder which one of us was really the machine. Do you know what I mean? It got under my skin how casual he was about death. He wasn't even a bad person he was just so used to people dying. Does that make sense? I didn't want to be like that. It sounds way too easy and way too hard. Can something like that be both at the same time?"

I shivered a little at her words. "Yes Penny. It can be both. He says that it's easy to fall from grace and that he had the power to kill people so he did. It sounds like the hardest thing in the world but so easy to accidentally slip up and fall into. It's a trap. We have so much power as hunters that it's a little scary. Isn't it? I never really thought about it because I grew up as a huntress surrounded by hunters. And Cloud had more power than most. I think he's afraid of his own strength and he certainly could be. He killed for the first time on accident with his semblance. It happened so fast. And you're a maiden. You have magic now just like Cloud. If you wanted to you could hurt a lot of people."

"But I don't want to. I'm not afraid of myself."

"You don't," I agreed. "But Cloud is afraid that he thinks he wants to. It's complicated but then again not really. He is afraid of himself. And I think that I understand him a little better now thanks to you, Penny. That's why he left. I get it more now. He has to master the fear he has of himself. That's the only way he can ever come back to me. To me and to Weiss."

"I thought he was just running away," Penny came out and said it. I mean I had thought it too but it was a selfish unbidden thought.

"He is a little. It's more complicated than him being a coward. What he's doing and going through is very brave in its own way. It would maybe be selfish of him to stay and put us all at risk. It would be selfish for him to kill himself but I know he's thought of it. So by doing neither it's a brave and sort of selfless thing he's doing."

"But wouldn't you rather have him with you?"

"Of course I would rather have him here. But he's not up for that yet. He doesn't think he's strong enough. He's afraid of hurting me. I don't think he could go on if he hurt anymore of his friends. I think that would be too much for him. So he's holding back. Holding himself back. Even from the things he wants most because he doesn't know what he's capable of."

"It's because he's scared. He's letting his fear rule him. How is that brave?"

"Everyone let's fear rule them. Every mother stops her child from playing on the interstate. Is that because she is a coward or is it because she loves her child? That's what this is like."

"I don't know Ruby but then I'm not an expert. I'm starting to think that nobody is an expert."

"On what?" I implored.

"On life, I suppose. Everyone is just making it up as they go along and pretending that they're not. Cloud. You. My dad. The General. Everyone. Especially me."

"Penny…"

"I'm just coming to terms with it is all. You don't need to be concerned. But it is a little distressing and reassuring. Our enemies also are just making it up along the way. Salem is just doing the best she can. Just like we are. She isn't a goddess. She isn't invincible. She can be beaten. It's just really hard. And it's really difficult to remember that."

"When's the procedure to transfer the fall maiden's powers to Blake?"

"Oscar says he'll have the strength tomorrow and be ready. It will be one less responsibility for me. But it means one more for Blake. I hope she's ready."

"Yeah. Me too, Penny."

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-WG