Chapter 69.

Jack and Cas went out onto the top of the bunker. "Yesterday," said Cas, "I was not thinking clearly and my actions were not ones of which I am proud. I was wrong to avoid Jules and wrong to ignore your views on the matter and for both those things, I apologise."

"I'm just glad you came back, to her and to me." said Jack.

"There was never any question that I would come back." said Cas.

"Maybe not for you. We were worried."

"I know." said Cas, "And you both have other things to worry about and I should have been helping you."

"You needed to help yourself first." said Jack reasonably. Cas saw the compassion in his eyes, the empathy that forever set him apart from his actual father. He had every excuse to be angry and selfish about it. He was the only one there whose age and circumstances made any tantrum acceptable, but Kelly Kline's son had patience with a damaged angel, gentle concern for his chosen father.

"Thankyou for understanding." said Cas.

"So, did it help?" said Jack.

"I met a father. We talked about our kids. It reminded me how lucky I am. You and Claire; you mean the world to me and even if ... "

"He will come back." said Jack.

"Yes, but even if he doesn't, I have you and Claire and I have Jules."

"And Sam and Sarah."

"Yes." said Cas, "Without Dean, I feel alone and useless, but I am never alone."

"No, you're not and you're not useless. Castiel, I need you. I always have and I always will."

"I know. As I said, my mind was disturbed."

"Your heart was broken."

"That too."

"Which is when you need your family." said Jack.

"Yes, but it can be hard to tell them that, when I sometimes feel so unworthy of their love."

"You mean sometimes you feel worthy?"

"No, not really."

"But you are, Cas. You always are and we need you, especially at times like this."

"I've made a commitment to Jules." said Cas, "Now I will make one to you. No matter how bad it gets, no matter how worthless I feel, I will always be just a prayer or phone call away, unless I am dead."

"Never be dead." said Jack.

"I'll do my best."

Bobby was coming up the hill behind them. "Hey, you two! Inside! Sam wants to talk to everyone."

"Dean?" said Cas.

"No." said Bobby, "But it must be important."

They followed him without another word.

Soon everyone was gathered around the map table. Jules came over to Jack and Cas and put her arm around Cas's waist. He slowly breathed out, giving himself a moment to adjust to the contact before he turned his attention to Sam, who stood on the steps.

Sam began, "Everyone in this room has my profound respect and love. I know that every single one of you is a warrior and a hunter." He looked at Jack as he said, "We have no mascots here. Nobody here is expendable to me or to the fight." He looked around them, making eye contact with each in turn.

"I know how you feel about Dean and I know what you all think of Michael and I know how far any of you would go to save one and destroy the other and I feel the same way and if, right now, I could do that, I wouldn't care about the cost to me. So I understand, better than anyone, why some of you may be tempted to make terrible choices that feel noble and right, but will only lose us valuable pieces that we need in the game."

Mary nodded. Cas wondered if she had said something to Sam. Jules felt him tense up and she turned to look at him. He smiled at her, realising a moment too late that his attempts at a casual smile rarely reassured anyone.

"Are you okay?" she whispered.

"Fine." he said.

Sam continued. "Knowing that you all have Dean's back in this, knowing that you're all looking for ways to bring him home ... That gives me hope and I don't wanna seem ungrateful, but Dean cares what happens to you and he would never forgive me if I allowed one of you to sacrifice yourselves to save him. I don't like to lay down the law and you know I have never tried to take command here, but this I have to say: if anyone here has a plan that involves a risk to their life or their soul, I am vetoing that plan now, whether as leader or just as Dean's brother. Because Dean would not want that."

"No, he wouldn't." said Bobby, "And if any one of you does anything suicidal, I'll frickin' kill you."

"Nobody is to make any demon deals, or make themselves a kamikaze or do anything to draw Michael's attention."

Cas could no longer remain silent. He knew to what Sam was referring. "Clearly, Mary has been telling tales. I know that what I did was stupid and a risk, but I felt I had no choice."

"What did you do?" said Sam, clearly shocked.

"This isn't about me?" said Cas.

"It is now." said Sam, "What in God's name did you do?"

"He tried to contact Dean by praying to him, hoping that the message would go through on the archangel's grace or whatever." said Mary.

"And you knew about this?" said Sam.

"We had to try. We were both going crazy. We had to try to get some kind of message to Dean."

"Michael could have killed you both." said Sam.

"No, just me." said Cas, "Mary was present, but not involved."

Sam closed his eyes. In his head, Cas heard, "How the hell am I meant to protect you when you're going out trying to get killed?"

"If it had worked ... " Cas began.

Sam opened his eyes. "I'm glad it didn't. What did you say?"

"That we needed a sign, maybe some indication of where he was."

"He probably has no idea where he is. Even if it had worked, how was he supposed to send a message to you?"

"I don't know, but if it had worked, at least he would have known we were still fighting for him. Maybe it did work and he does know that."

"And that was worth the risk to your life?" said Sam.

Their eyes met and Cas could see that Sam already knew the answer to that. "That would be worth anything." he said.

Sam looked around the room again. "This is exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about. Cas could have been wiped off the face of the Earth just to try to send a message to Dean. And believe me, I understand why he was willing to take the chance, but I am not willing to let any of you do that. No demon has power over Michael. There is no way to get to Dean without finding out where he is and even then, we will come face to face with Michael. We can't afford to throw away any of this tiny army against him. I need you all. Dean needs you all."

There was general agreement.

"The problem with an army full of heroes is that it's hard to stop them from being heroic, but I need cooperation, not grand gestures that cost us dearly. I need each and every one of you to promise, here and now, in front of everyone, that you will not attempt anything that could cost you your life without discussing it with me first."

"Will you make the same promise?" said Bobby, "Because you just admitted you have the same temptation and I'm not gonna volunteer to tell Dean how come we let you throw your life away."

Sam nodded. He looked tired. "Okay. I promise not to do anything dangerous or dumb without a full discussion."

"God enough for me." said Bobby, "I promise."

"Mom?"

"My word as a Winchester." she said, "Cas and I were ... "

"I know. Paul?" said Sam.

"You know it, chief. Nothing without your approval."

"Cas?" said Sam.

Cas inclined his head, reluctantly. He felt the arm around his waist tighten. At least Jules was not angry with him. He hoped Sam would forgive him.

"Cas? Yes or no?"

"What I did ... "

"I get what you did. I get why. If I'd thought of it, I'd have tried it myself. What you did is done and it seems not to have done any harm. Past mistakes, past actions, we can do nothing about. I'm not angry, Cas. It's just, I can't do this ... "

Cas heard the period at the end. Sam might fool the others, but to him, that was a complete sentence, a statement of fact. He went on to say, "If I don't know that all of you are as safe and as careful as you can be. So I need you to promise, because I know what your word is worth, Cas. I would build a fortress on your word." For a moment the banners of the Krak Des Chevaliers flickered in his mind.

"I ... " he began. He could not promise. He could not close any door that might lead to Dean. "I'm sorry." he said.

"This isn't just about you." said Sam, "I didn't know about your little experiment. I should have known." He looked at Mary. "You were supposed to be protecting him."

"You were not supposed to tell him that." she said.

"He worked it out." Sam looked at Cas. "I need you to set an example to the others." Cas thought Sam's eyes darted to Jules. He hoped he had imagined it. It suggested that Sam had reason to believe Jules had something reckless in mind. It wasn't a risk Cas was willing to take. His own life meant nothing, but hers ...

"I promise." he said, "No further action unless approved by you."

"Jules?" said Sam.

"Agreed." she said.

"Jack?" said Sam.

Jack glanced at Cas. For a moment, their youngest member seemed impossibly old and wise. Cas was not skilled at nonverbal cues, but he saw the love in Jack's blue eyes and the fear that, if he did not make the promise, Cas would not keep his. "I promise." he said with the gravity and certainty of a tablet of stone.

Each person in turn gave his or her word. As each agreed, Sam seemed to stand a little straighter and a little of the exhaustion seemed to leave him. It was a hard thing, for him to be the commander of these people, none of whom valued their own life highly when it came to saving Dean or consigning Michael to destruction. Cas did not envy him his role. He was glad it had fallen to Sam, both because he needed something to focus on or he would be lost in the maelstrom of his grief and because only Sam, of all the world, could lead and inspire and influence this army and take them to whatever victory might be possible.

When Maggie gave her promise, she hugged Sam and Cas saw how tightly he hugged back. They were a sorry lot of refugees and wrecks, all of them, but the love between them was real and powerful, a bond stronger than that of blood. Sam loved Maggie as if she had been born his baby sister. There was nobody in that room for whom Sam would not have died. Cas was glad that Bobby had thought to demand the promise from him too.

Jules took his hand.

"We probably need to talk about this, don't we?" he said.

"Not if you intend to keep your promise." she said quietly.

"I do." he said.

"Then we're okay." She squeezed his hand. "It was actually a clever plan. Dangerous and dumb, but clever."

He didn't know how it could be both dumb and clever, but paradox was a part of any involvement with humans. So was the warmth he felt spreading through his body from the hand that held his and the feeling of forgiveness that came from Sam's brief smile in his direction.

"Thankyou all." said Sam, "Meeting over. Let's get some drinks in here."

"And this is why you're such a good leader." said Bobby, already starting to hand out the bottles of beer.