Seventy-One: Interruptions

While Chat easily transitions to protector of his new pride, there is one aspect of having an apartment fill of kwami that is a bit uncomfortable…


For the fourth night in a row, I found myself staring at the ceiling of Marinette's bedroom, one arm beneath my pillow and the other gently holding my fiancé to my chest. She was sound asleep, her own arm wrapped around my side protectively; I could just see her face, angelic in repose and wearing the slightest of smiles as she dreamed. Months into sharing the same bedroom, I found I was still pinching myself that we'd reached this particular stage of our relationship. I was reasonably certain there was no turning back now, especially since we'd begun discussing plans for what had originally been my suite on the far side of the apartment. While I held out hope that it would house a future kitten, her design studio seemed to be in the running – at least, in the near term. I was purrfectly happy to balance my laptop on my lap for any of my meetings on the rare occasions when I worked from home.

What was keeping me awake, though, was the fact that our new charges were less than ten meters from our room; to say it had put a chill on certain extracurricular activities would be a major understatement. Plagg and Tikki had far more experience with humans than the rest of their fellow kwami, and certainly knew Marinette and I well enough to discern when it was time for them to phase into another part of the apartment. Despite the two of us being the Heroes of Paris, we were mortally embarrassed when Roaar had phased into Marinette's bedroom at a rather delicate moment, intending to ask us where the sliced ham was located; we'd rather hurriedly calmed the poor tiger kwami down once she realized what she'd stumbled into, then brought out a midnight buffet for any of the tiny gods who might also have been hungry.

A quiet conversation with Plagg and Tikki the following morning brought a promise that they'd meet with the members of the Box once we returned from work; despite their later assurances that the kwami would respect some of the physical boundaries the apartment provided, neither myself nor Marinette were completely sold that it wouldn't happen again – especially since we had gone to great pains at the outset to tell them they had free reign within the apartment. It had been a problem of our own making, and now, four days into it, I was starting to realize I knew exactly how many excruciating minutes it had been since Roaar had interrupted us.

I was reasonably certain Marinette was feeling something similar, especially given how she'd started to pull me toward the shower before we'd turned in last night with a look that got my internal Chat Noir engine running; this time around, Hawkmoth had interrupted us, which seemed like the cherry on top of the cake. Glancing at my phone on the nightstand, I groaned silently to think it was nearly two, and barely an hour from when we'd collapsed into bed, exhausted, after fighting off a particularly thorny akuma. Relief didn't appear to be anywhere on the horizon.

Marinette shifted slightly, and my slightly-augmented hearing detected a change in her breathing. "Are you still awake?" I heard her ask quietly, as she rotated her head to catch my eye.

"Yeah," I whispered. "I live in fear of seeing another tiny god floating above us."

Marinette frowned. "No kidding," she sighed as she rotated completely, resting her torso on my chest. It had an immediate effect on me, which I could tell she'd picked up on. "I suppose this is what parents encounter when they have kids," she teased. "I believe you were the one that pointed out this would be worthy practice for when we have kittens."

"Kittens, Milady, do not phase through walls unexpectedly."

"No," she chuckled, "I suppose not." Gently, she kissed a particularly sensitive spot on my pectoral, and I squirmed a bit. "Maybe," she said devilishly as her other hand found another very sensitive spot, "if we are very, very quiet, we might be able to continue where we left off…"

"I am the Black Cat," I replied, though it was through gritted teeth. Based on what little she had already done, I found myself close to the edge. "I can be as stealthy as the night-"

Seeing as though the universe was toying with us that week, my phone chose that moment to sing out an akuma alert; Marinette's followed a moment later. We groaned in unison and rolled away from each other; she wrapped the sheet about her as we each nabbed our phones. "Trocadero. Again," she sighed.

"Hawkmoth loves his open spaces," I replied. "And if this report is right, it looks like we've got another toddler with nightmares." I glanced over my shoulder. "Why Hawky wastes an akuma on a kid…"

"It frustrates me to my core," she said. "Come on, let's get this over with. I'd like to return to our previous conversation and still have time to sleep before heading to work."

"You wish is my command, Milady," I laughed.


We arrived at the broad Trocadero plaza a few minutes later, landing side-by-side along one of the higher walls rimming the space. Showing a stunning lack of creativity, Hawkmoth's latest toddler-on-a-rampage looked very much like the first we'd battled more years ago than I cared to remember; standing nearly four stories tall, it seemed to be amusing itself with one of the tall lamps, though I couldn't immediately see what the attraction was. Turning my masked visage on my partner, it was hard not to sigh. "For once, I would pay real money to simply have to deal with Mister Pigeon repeatedly. Again."

Ladybug smiled. "I'm rather thankful Monsieur Ramier moved away – far enough to be outside of Hawkmoth's control."

My tail twitched. "I suppose," I frowned as I crouched next to Ladybug, tapping my baton against a paw. "Much like the toddler akuma there, it infuriates me how Hawkmoth uses emotion against his victims."

"Preaching to the choir, Chat," she said quietly as she scanned the space. Frowning herself, she continued. "What on earth is that up to?"

Returning my attention to the akuma, I felt my own frown deepen. "Aside from being infatuated with that lamp there, I've not got a clue." I sighed, for it appeared this one wasn't going to be easy. We'd had more than a few toddlers-turned-akumas over the years, and they usually broke three ways: they were either hungry, desired a particularly forbidden toy, or some combination of the two. This one, though, wasn't crying, or yelling, or doing much of anything for that matter, save for fiddling with the cover of the lamp.

"Looks like it will be the direct approach, then," Ladybug said.

I started and turned toward her. "You're not getting anything with your Lucky Vision?"

"No," she sighed. "I don't always see something prior to asking for the Charm, but lately I have been. I assumed it was because my extended adult abilities were starting to manifest." Putting her gloved hands to her waist, she shook her head. "If I didn't know better, I'd actually say I was being blocked."

"That worries me," I replied, feeling my ears stand straight up as I did. Shifting my masked eyes back to our akuma, now nibbling on the end of the lamp like it was some sort of pacifier, I added: "Or maybe you're just tired? This is our second akuma in less than twelve hours."

"Third," she corrected.

I groaned. "I forgot about the old woman at the market. Was that today?"

"It was."

"My kwami," I breathed, eyes widening. "What is the most Hawkmoth has ever thrown at us?"

"Two."

"He's gone truly manic."

"Quite possibly," she replied as she pulled her yo-yo from her hip. "Come on, let's go see what's bugging the fella."

I quickly stood and grabbed her arm before she was able to take off. "Why don't you stay here for a moment," I said. "Let me do my thing. Maybe you'll come up with something while I entertain our new friend."

"I'm not sure—"

"Please," I said firmly. "Stay here for a moment."

Ladybug frowned but nodded.

I leapt away from her and extended the baton to push myself higher; vaulting over the wide plaza, I landed on a similar lamp sixty meters or so from our akuma and immediately leapt upward again, crisscrossing the space until I landed a final time on the ornamental dome at the top of the post holding the light the massive toddler was gnawing on. Perched, cat-style, I slid my baton to the small of my back and took in the garish costume comprised of purples and whites; how a toddler would know to add a mask was beyond me, but as it turned its large brown eyes on me, there it was, a slash of purple-and-white hiding the soft features of the babyface staring at me with interest. I tried not to shudder with distaste as it pulled away from the lamp, trailing a long line of drool in the process; it would have been gross under normal circumstances, but given the supersized toddler I was dealing with, the sheer volume made it evermore unappealing.

"Blerpppft!" the toddler cried out when it saw me.

There was absolutely no time for the sort of witty comeback I was rightly known for, given how Babyface managed to lurch across the space separating us faster than I'd anticipated; I managed to leap up and away from the outstretched grabby hands a fraction of a moment before he reached me, curling into a tight ball to tumble over his shoulder. Spinning out, I landed in a pounce-crouch behind his stubby legs, intending on grabbing my baton to push myself away to a safe distance. The akuma surprised me again by swiftly turning its torso and quickly reaching for me again, forcing me to leap away once more.

Landing along the edge of a planter, I vaulted upward a third time when the giant baby came for me again, crushing the corner of the concrete in the process; landing on a lamp, I started to think this was no ordinary toddler. Given the hour, the three of us had the space to ourselves so the usual protocol of getting the akuma away from any Parisians wasn't necessary; glancing toward the Eiffel Tower, though, I wondered if I could gain an advantage by leading it in that direction. At the very least I would have the ability to gain a better vantage point. Barely avoiding another session of grabby-hands, I dropped to the granite pavers of the walkway, intending to immediately leap away in the direction of the Tower.

As I came down, though, I hit a drool-slickened spot and felt my boots skid; it was so uncharacteristic, and so unexpected, I was forced to windmill my arms to try and stick the landing. As focused as I was on remaining upright, I let my guard down for a fraction of a second, and lost track of where Babyface had gone; it was just the opening he needed.

The hand came out of nowhere, grabbing me across the torso like I was some sort of Chat action figure; I tried to flex my way out of the grasp, but the hand squeezed, hard, and I suddenly felt like one of those stress toys randomly laying on my desk at House of Gabriel. There was no way to stop the grunt the act forced, nor was I able to capture the breath that had been crushed out of me. As I rose higher into the air, I felt my boots swinging in open space and watched the darkness creeping in at the edges of my vision. Trying to focus, I reckoned I knew exactly where I was headed and tried to brace myself for the inevitable.

Oddly, my feline brain chose that moment to observe I'd not been eaten by an akuma since our dust up with the Feast sentimonster many, many years earlier; I'd not enjoyed the experience then, and as Babyface stuffed me into his mouth, I decided it hadn't improved appreciably. Squirming as best as I could against the vice grip I was seemingly within didn't net me much other than a face full of slimy drool and silent thanks that only a handful of teeth had come in – though the decided lack of teeth, combined with the fact it was chomping on anything it could get its hands on told me how our akuma had been spawned.

As I felt myself begin to black out from lack of oxygen, I wondered if I'd be able to act upon the knowledge in any way; blessedly, Ladybug Luck was once more on my side, for as Babyface attempted to chomp down on me, he happened to nail my bell squarely on what must have been the most sensitive part of his gums. The resulting howl of pain flattened my feline ears as he unceremoniously yanked me out of his mouth and threw me across the night skies of Paris. Gasping for breath, I tried to wipe away the worst of the spit from my face before curling myself into a ball; picking up speed, I yanked the baton from my back and thrust myself out of the ball, immediately helicoptering to try and get some control over my upcoming crash landing.

The massive fountain running along the center of Trocadero Gardens came rushing up from the ground fast, and I had no time to do anything other than try and stretch myself out into a racing dive; I hit the surface and plunged, hard, toward the bottom of the tiled pool. Kicking hard, I managed to redirect my momentum back toward the surface, dolphin-kicking multiple times before breaking through to air once again. Gasping for the second time in as few minutes, I dove again to swim to the edge of the fountain, then hooked a paw over the edge to pull myself out, landing on the granite with a bit of a splash. Water rolled off of my costume, though my mane would take a bit longer to dry; at the very least, the slime from my near mauling had been washed away. So there was that.

Scanning the night, I saw Babyface still howling right where I had left him, though it looked like the petite form of Ladybug had taken up position below him. Jolted into action, I extended the baton and leapt into the darkness once more, arcing into a descent that landed me right next to my partner. She was too much of a professional to remark on the puddle accompanying my arrival, though her mouth did quirk ever so slightly.

"I have a far better appreciation for cat toys," I said as I tentatively spun my baton. "I think Babyface here is teething, Milady," I added as I quashed the urge to shake. "If that helps."

Ladybug smiled. "It does now," she replied as she pulled out her yo-yo. "I'm gonna need your tail in a moment," she said absently as she spun it up to call for her Charm.

I rolled my eyes as I slid the baton home and started to unbuckle my tail. "Of course you do."

A few moments later, I tried unsuccessfully not to mewl as Ladybug slowly lowered me from a lamp not far from Babyface; she'd retied my tail so she could carefully adjust my height. Between my paws, I was holding a super-chilled pacifier bedecked in red-and-black polka dots. My mane was still matted from my impromptu bath, and I had to blink a rivulet of water away to gauge how quickly Babyface would see me. Despite the sour taste I had to have left behind, the pacifier attracted him immediately.

As large as he was, he moved amazingly swiftly and crossed the few meters in a heartbeat. Holding out the pacifier encouragingly, I tried not to smile as his face lit up with pure joy when his grabby hands took it from my paws and sunk it into his mouth. Eyes closing in bliss, he sank back into a seated position as the iciness took the sting off of his aching gums; Ladybug took that moment to shoot her yo-yo at a massive diaper pin just to the side of Babyface's waist. While it wasn't the weirdest akumatized object I'd ever seen, it was high on the list.

The pin released and dropped to the granite with a metallic clatter. I took that as my cue, and from where I was still hanging from the lamp, took aim with my ring hand and fired off one of my newfangled Cataclysm torpedoes; the pin shattered into a million pieces, releasing the purple butterfly immediately.

Twisting around, I pulled myself up to unhook my tail from the lamp while Ladybug chased the fleeing akuma. By the time I dropped to the ground beside her, Babyface had reverted to a pint-sized sleeping bundle of joy in Ladybug's arms. I smiled as I looked up to Ladybug. "Cute."

"And hard to believe how much damage it could have wrought," she added.

"I thought that was normal for kids," I teased.

"True," she laughed.

Our luck continued, for as we entered the police substation close to Trocadero, we immediately encountered a young mother who'd been frantically trying to locate her missing son. After assuring her he was fine, we took our leave and returned to our apartment, world weary and with less than an hour left to grab some sleep. I fell back into our bed, to tired to even drop my transformation; surprisingly, Ladybug did the same, and curled her back against my costumed chest.

"Maybe we should call in sick today," I suggested as I snuggled my chin between her pigtails. "I know I am sick. Sick of not getting any sleep."

"I can't," Ladybug sighed. "And neither can you. We're finalizing the contract for next summer, remember?"

"Is that today?" I mewled. "Oh the hell with that," I breathed as I turned away for a moment to grab my civilian phone.

"Chat?" Ladybug asked, shifting a bit. "What are you doing?"

Smiling slightly as I tapped the final part of my email, I looked up. "I'm the damn CEO. I'm moving it."

"You're the co-CEO," she reminded me.

Hitting send, I tossed the phone to the nightstand and snuck in behind her again. "Fine," I yawned. "It's this afternoon now. Maybe we can snag a few hours of shuteye before sealing a multimillion-dollar deal."

"I believe I promised you something else, too, Chat," Ladybug said deliberately.

"Mmmhmm," was all I managed to get out before I closed my eyes and dropped off into blissful sleep.