Chapter 70.
Cas sat with Jules, Jack and Sam as they ate a simple supper, but he didn't partake. Sam and Jack did most of the talking and he could tell that Sam was trying to keep off the subject of his reasons for his little speech.
Cas felt bad for assuming that Mary had talked and he was sorry that his guilty conscience had led to an unnecessary confession, but there was also relief that it was no longer a guilty secret. He wasn't fond of those. He still worried about Sam's real reason and the glance at Jules which had suggested that she was a part of it.
He wanted to ask one of them, but he also didn't want to know. Maybe Sam had just looked at Jules to manipulate him into making the promise, but that wasn't Sam's style. Dean's, yes. Dean would use any dirty trick he could think of, but Sam was not the type.
Suddenly, Sam looked at him and said, "I know you weren't happy about promising what you promised."
"You were right." said Cas, "We need to protect everyone." He wasn't going to say more, but again, his guilt got the better of him. "And what I did was idiotic."
"What you did was inspired," said Sam, "And brave. And if it had worked, it could have saved Dean and the planet. Of course, if it had gone wrong, it could have lost us our only angel and destroyed everyone's morale because, believe it or not, you are one of the most loved members of the team."
"I'm sorry, but I don't believe that." said Cas.
"Of course you don't." said Sam, "You knew the risk and you took it because you think you have 'Expendable' stamped across your face."
"I took it because I had to try something. I had to make some effort to bring him home."
"And Sarah was considering a demon deal and don't think I haven't let some pretty suicidal ideas take root in my head."
"Sarah?" said Cas.
"Yes and having thought of it, she thought she saw the signs of the same thinking in others."
"The yarrow flowers." said Jules, "I didn't think she knew enough lore to know what I needed them for."
Cas shuddered. "A crossroads deal?"
"Just an idea." said Jules, "To be honest, I thought it was unlikely to work."
"Let me be very clear." said Sam, "It wouldn't work. You think if a demon could defeat Michael I wouldn't have raided Hell for their best by now?"
"Okay, so, since all plans have to be approved by you now, Sam, I think I have something that might work." she said.
"Something safe?" said Cas.
"Not safe, but with a fair chance of everybody coming out of it alive."
"We need a lot more than a fair chance." said Sam, "Whatever it is, no."
"That's not fair." she said.
"Sounded fair to me." said Cas.
"You're hardly impartial."
"I am an angel. I am objective." said Cas, quailing from the look he received for that.
"Okay, fair hearing." said Sam, "Tell me your plan."
"Cas used Bobby's soul as a power source. Human soul, angelic grace. That has to be the closest we can get to recreating the power of a nephilim."
"I don't think this Bobby will go for it." said Sam, "He like's Cas, but he doesn't entirely trust angels."
"My soul was the one I intended to use." said Jules.
"No!" said Cas, "Never! I could have killed Bobby and torn a sizeable chuck out of the universe."
"I'm not saying it should be our first option, but as a last resort, it has potential, right?"
"Wrong." said Cas, "I'd rather see the whole world burn."
"I thought you'd do anything to bring Dean back." she said.
"So did I." said Cas, "Turns out there is something I won't sacrifice, even for Dean."
"Bobby lived." she pointed out, "Sam, you can see this rationally, right?"
"I have to say, I'm with Cas on this one. My soul, fine. I'd give that for Dean in a heartbeat, but yours? Aside from your worth as a hunter and the fact you are family, Cas can't handle making out with you without being overwhelmed ... "
"Not true." said Cas.
"You wanna get into specifics?" said Sam.
Cas shook his head.
"With your soul at risk, your life, Cas is not gonna be able to control the process."
"He did with Bobby, a close friend of his."
"Barely." said Cas, "And I was never in love with Bobby."
Jack looked earnestly at Jules and said, "You know how you said using me as a soul bomb was a bad idea?"
"What?" said Cas and Sam together.
"This is a worse one." said Jack.
"Jack," said Sam, "Your promise stops you from ever doing that."
Jack waved a dismissive hand. "It's fine. Jules talked me out of it."
"Then we definitely need Jules to stick around." said Sam.
"Why didn't you tell me about this plan of Jack's?" Cas asked Jules.
"I dealt with it. You didn't need to know and you were not exactly Mr Stability at the time."
Sam sighed. "I feel like I'm herding lemmings."
"Did you know that lemmings don't actually do the mass suicide thing?" said Jack. His bright smile at having a wildlife fact to impart made Cas smile despite his turbulent emotions.
"Then maybe I'd be better off with lemmings." said Sam.
"Or meerkats." said Jack.
Jules laughed, almost choking.
"Why is that funny?" said Cas.
"Not important." said Jules.
Sam was suddenly very serious. "Now, I need you all to keep your promises, because if I lose any of you, I am all screwed to Hell and if Cas loses Jules or Jack, he won't come back from that."
"Or you." said Cas.
"Sorry?"
"I'm not losing any more Winchesters. I can't."
"How about we all just agree that we lost our minds for a time and we came up with ideas Dean would never have supported?" said Jules, "We messed up, all of us, because we were messed up by losing Dean. We'll find a way to get him back and it will be a way that doesn't need any of us to die or give up our soul."
"I can't believe you considered two ways to sacrifice yourself." said Cas.
She put her hand on his knee under the table. "How many ways did you consider?"
"I ... I ... " Words refused to form as his mind wove its many threads of thought around the fact that she was again touching his leg.
"Jules, unfair." said Sam.
"What is?" said Jack.
"I'll tell you in about fifteen years." said Sam.
"You think any of us will still be here in fifteen years?" said Jack.
"You'd all better be." said Cas.
"I might take a shower before bed." said Jules.
Cas closed his eyes for a second to control the flood of images that filled his mind. When he opened them again, he said, "Good idea. I need to make a call."
"Everyone, just be sensible." said Sam.
"I think Dean would be pleased to know so many people would sacrifice themselves for him." said Jack.
"No, Dean would be pissed. Dean would yell at each one of you. And if any of you go through with it, Dean will blame me."
"We won't." said Jules, "We know the pressure you're under. None of us intended to add to it."
"Okay. Thanks." said Sam. He turned to Cas. "This phone call, anything I need to worry about?"
"No. Just checking in with Rowena."
"Do I need to worry about that?" said Jules.
Cas smiled. It was a little flattering to be considered at risk from Rowena's desires. "Rowena is many things," he said, "But not a realistic rival for you in anything but high witchcraft."
"Keep saying things like that and you might get another look at my tattoo." she said.
