November 20
"So are you prepared?" Romani asked the two on-duty Chaldea Masters as they sat within the Command Room.
"As much as I can be, Boss," Andy said, the nervous building of energy from the last few weeks coming to a crescendo internally.
"That is great to hear, what about you Ritsuka?" Roman asked again.
"As well as I can be, my Stand got a power-up, so I am much better prepared than I was yesterday morning," Ritsuka replied as he scratched his neck.
"Ya welcome."
"Yes, thank you, but I think we're ready to get our shit kicked in before we turn it around," He commented.
"Well, hopefully, we'll be doing the shit-kicking and not getting kicked, but yeah. Once more into the breach and all that." Andy said, ready for the plunge.
Xxx
And now Andy would like to take his earlier thoughts back as he had not meant a literal plunge, because right now they were falling through the air.
"AZZY! HIPPOGRIFF PLEASE!" Andy yelled as soon as the adrenaline overwrote the shock in his brain.
"On it!" The Paladin shouted back, and a second later, Andy was on the back of the mythological creature's back with Mash thankfully.
And for Ritsuka Andy could see him being carried by Nobu who was gun-surfing with the purple-clad form of Raikou hanging on to the gun Nobu was standing on.
"Before any of you ask, I am okay!" The Stand-user shouted, and the three on the Hippogriff let out a sigh of relief. As they flew towards the ground and landed in the middle of a ruined city that looked like it had simply been stripped of all resources.
"Are all of you, okay?" Asked Roman though his voice was static as it emanated from Andy's armband.
"We arrived a solid few thousand feet off course into the sky, but otherwise yeah we're okay," Andy replied.
"Sorry, about that. I wanted you to arrive in the middle of Uruk, but it looks like there is a Bounded Field around the city, which changed your deployment area. So now you should be in the middle of what should be Babylon,"
"So we're on the Baby-Lawn, and we need to get to the property itself. Got it." Andy said with a nod. "We got a direction on that or do we have to figure it out ourselves, Boss?"
"I think you should just head South, and you should arrive at Uruk eventually, now what-." And that was when they lost the feed.
"Dammit, every time with this." Andy cursed, having been expecting it but still not liking it.
"Seems that the connection is not entirely stable, if we find a good Leyline, the strength of the connection should be fixed. Now, what about you, Ritsuka? Are you able to breathe properly?" Mash asked the second Master.
"Yeah, the Mystic Code Da Vinci made for this place is making me not explode," He responded.
"Oh that's good, I didn't notice any difference if I'm being honest. Other than the fashion." Andy said, wearing a variation of the same Mystic Code that had shorts instead of pants and that entirely bared his midriff.
"That is due to your new body Senpai, did you forget that Da Vinci said it would be able to handle high-density mana environments that can be found in the Age of Gods?" Mash asked.
"Oh yeah I know I was just trying to be funny about it," Andy admitted. "So, southwards, right? That direction?" Andy asked, pointing in the direction his internal compass (a very literal one at that since his sense of direction sucked) told him was south.
"That is correct, though first, we have to deal with some unwarranted guests," Raikou said as she drew her bow and fired three arrows into a beast that had jumped at them from behind a ruin.
"Is that the true form of a Saber-Tooth Tiger?" Andy asked calmly even as he chucked an ice runestone at it, and much to her surprise and content the stone pierced through its hide before detonating. "Oh, I could get used to that."
"I do not know Senpai, it doesn't match any Phantasmal Beasts that should be present in this Era, where the parting of the gods is happening," Mash stated.
"Though what I can tell you, that is very much a demonic beast, and it carries similarities with lions, so it is likely there are many more nearby," Raikou stated.
"Which explains why the city is in ruins if things like these are running around, so I think we should leave before we get surrounded, because we shouldn't waste energy on these," Nobunaga said as she poked the corpse with the tip of a rifle.
"Wait, but the materials."
"Later, Senpai when we have a base," Mash said, putting down the law.
"But….materials."
"Senpai," Mash said firmly.
"OUT OF MY WAY!"
"Eh, did you guys hear something?" Astolfo asked.
"We should probably move," Andy said, grabbing on to the wrists of his bf and gf and physically pulling them out of the way, more for the former's sake than the later.
"MOVE IT AHHH!" The very clearly female voice shouted, and Andy watched as the screaming person landed butt first on Ritsuka's face.
"Oww!" Came the groan of pain from him while Rin continued to sit on Rits… Wait what?!
Andy mentally shouted as he saw the Tohsaka Rin...lookalike? He really hoped she was a lookalike.
"Landing was softer than I expected," She said in a voice that very much sounded like Rin's voice.
"That would be because you used my friend there to break your fall." Andy managed to snark, the concern for Ritsuka's wellbeing overriding the confusion for the moment, since she had to have been falling at something like terminal velocity, the kind of thing to kill a human on contact.
"Huh?" She said as she looked between her legs, and Andy was sure she was staring directly into Ritsuka's eyes.
"I see you in court," Came his muffled voice. As she was, again, sitting on most of his face.
And in a second she was up and standing totally red in the face. "How dare you touch my body without permission, you need to be punished."
"You're the one that touched me," Ritsuka complained as he stood back up thanks to Raikou giving him a hand. And also quickly dusted him off.
"Typically, in crashes, the one responsible, in this case, you the mysterious twin-tailed… I want to say sacred prostitute of Ishtar? Is the one who pays." Andy guessed.
That actually caused her to laugh. "Oh my this is the first time I've been mistaken for one of my followers, but since this isn't my body I guess that can be excused," She said.
"Senpai, I can feel it is different, but she is giving off the same presence as Lord El-Melloi, she is a Pseudo-Servant," Mash said via the telepathic connection.
"...Ishtar in the body of Rin Tohsaka… nowhere near what I was expecting today, alright," Andy muttered under his breath before sighing and actually addressing said Pseudo-Servant. "So, Ishtar, what caused you to...grace us with your presence, as it were?" Andy said as he laid a hand on Ritsuka's shoulder and activated the Regeneration Acceleration effect the new Mystic Code had to help his neck.
"Why would I tell you that I am looking for something that I've lost, so you find out how clumsy I am," She said, and it took a second for her to realise what she had just said. "Forget you heard, that, now tell me why do you have my scent on you. It's old and rusty, but I can tell it's there." Ishtar said, pointing the finger at Andy.
"I was granted your blessing by a follower of yours that I summoned," Andy said, editing the words slightly to still be technically completely true but not the part that would cause a major reaction, and then flipped the switch and turned into female form to demonstrate. "More recently I figured out how to do this on my own though, so I didn't need it as much." She said before swapping back to male.
"Ah, that makes sense… wait summoned? Oh, your the Master's of Humanity that the astronomers said would arrive here in this Singularity," She said.
"Oh, that's good, are you the one we're supposed to help?" Andy asked, hopefully.
"Help me? I think Goldie is the one that needs your help, as for me I can handle myself. Maanna!" She shouted and from the sky came a giant blue weapon(?) that resembled an upscaled bow, but instead of a string there was what looked to be another bow that then had the actual string, but the size of the string compared to the rest was straight-up comical. It was, undoubtedly, magic bullshit. And as it hung above her, Ishtar floated up to it. "Though since you summoned Shamhat, I can assist with this," She said, and Andy watched the other bow be pulled back, and in the hole, a giant energy arrow of magical energy appeared. "A five-percent multi-shot be fine." And that the arrow was released and it split off into several different ones that landed in various parts of the city, and the Chaldean Group heard the death of twelve demonic beasts.
"Thank you for your assistance, Mighty Ishtar," Andy said, mentally screaming at the accidental deception, and also wondering why he hadn't summoned Shamat yet, but outwardly remaining calm.
"Finally someone is being respectful, now I need to be off and extort jewels from the people of Uruk," She said as she flew off.
"..." Andy waited until she was well past the horizon to speak. "Well, that went well."
"Yeah, outside of nearly breaking my neck, I think we got off scot-free considering that was Ishtar, and I am surprised she forgot about the whole punishing me thing rather fast," Ritsuka commented.
"Probably due to being a Pseudo-Servant, her thoughts and emotions are probably being filtered through her host's personality," Nobu theorised.
"Oh thank God; hopefully, that means she won't be as much of a raging doucheaholic as in the Epic then since Rin is a genuinely good person," Andy said in relief. "Though, she mentioned something about 'goldie' needing our help, which can basically only mean one person, right?"
"Gilgamesh," Came the immediate response from everyone.
"Though I think we should really leave now, as while that shot did eliminate a few demonic beasts, it has pulled everything nearby towards us," Raikou stated again.
"So, materials?"
"No Senpai."
Andy sighed. "Fine. Southwards towards Uruk. Stealthily if need be. Do you think you can keep up with Hippogriff, Ritz?"
"I can basically Shadow Surf now, or just keep myself in the Hippogriff's shadow," He stated.
"Oh, that's perfect, then! As long as Hippy doesn't lose his shadow, we can travel just fine then." Andy said happily.
Xxx
But sadly Raikou's words had proved true as not even a minute after they had left the ruined city of Babylon they had been forced to land, by a creature that was familiar to Andy.
It was the same monster that Semiramis employed. A monster that was very poisonous. And it was accompanied by several of the lion beasts.
"Shit," Andy swore as, when they tried flying past it, it flew up to meet them. "Fuck, shit, fuck." He continued as he quickly pulled out the claws in the form of an M202 Flash rocket launcher and began firing, since at the moment he was their main ranged support atop of Hippogriff.
Nobu was also blasting from below, but her weapons like Andy's own were doing scratch damage, and Raikou couldn't assist as there was a smog poison around the beast.
Though before Andy could plan any further actions, a light voice rang through the air. "Oh, it seems you need some help." And at that Andy saw various chains surging up from below and piercing the poisonous dragon, immediately slaying the beast.
"Chains?" Andy asked, confusion giving way to giddiness with the fact that he didn't recognise the voice, they used chains to attack, and they were in Ancient Babylon. Andy looked down, and he saw on the ground with Raikou and Nobu a figure dressed in simple white robes with long green hair. Who was smiling up at him? "Azzy, take us down."
"Okay," He responded as he landed on the ground once again. And Ritsuka popped out of the Hippogriff's shadow.
"Hello there Masters of Chaldea, my name is Enkidu. And I have been sent here to retrieve you on behalf of the priests of Uruk to gain your assistance in the crisis that Sumer is facing," He stated in his light tone of voice.
Andy practically fell off of Hippogriff in his excitement. "Enkidu? The Enkidu?" He asked excitedly as he walked up to the (considerably more waifish then expected) demigod, practically vibrating in excitement. "The only person able to match and even best King Gilgamesh? That Enkidu?"
"Well is there any other Chain of Heaven that you know of?" He asked with a cheeky smile.
"Nope, and it is truly an honour to meet you sir...wait, it is sir, right? I don't want to be rude." Andy backtracked, not wanting to insult one of his favourite heroes.
"I have no gender, just address me whatever way you feel most comfortable, but most use male pronouns," Enkidu answered.
"Understood, your awesomeness," Andy said with an eager nod.
"My I am not used to being complimented this much, now we need to leave as the blood of the demonic beasts, especially the Basmu I just killed. This land has become infested with Demonic Beasts. Now before we go to Uruk, we must get to a place where I can properly tell and demonstrate the crisis that this land is facing," Enkidu said.
"Yes, of course, lead the way, your awesomeness."
"Then fellow this weapon of the Gods, Masters of Chaldea," He said, and they followed him.
Xxx
"We're almost at the plateau where I will be able to show one of the dangers," Enkidu spoke as they trekked up the large hill that wasn't that far from Babylon, just a few kilometres to the north.
"One of the dangers?" Ritsuka asked.
"Yes one of them, now that we're here I can start to explain what has befallen Mesopotamia. Let me be blunt, humanity in Mesopotamia is on the brink of extinction. Roughly 80% of all humans living here have been slaughtered by the demonic beasts that had invaded the land," He informed them.
"Oh shit, that's not good," Andy said, stating the obvious.
"Yes, though who is behind this? Some agent of the King of Mages that had unleashed all of these demonic beasts with the Grail sent to this Era?" Mash asked.
"No, nobody has hold of the Holy Grail. Something other than the Mage King's followers is destroying this world. Mesopotamia faces destruction by something equal to, if not greater than, the King of Mages. Yes. To be blunt, the gods are the ones destroying humanity. It's not the God that you may be thinking of. The gods of this Era are different. The Three Goddess Alliance has descended on this Era and claimed roughly 60% of the lands of Mesopotamia," He told them.
"By chance," Andy said slowly. "Would one of those Goddesses happen to be Ishtar?"
"No, at least I do not think so. Honestly, you can never tell with that walking piece of trash," Enkidu stated though despite his words Andy couldn't detect any actual hate, so he wondered if he was just mimicking how Gilgamesh would address Ishtar.
"Oh okay, she ran into us earlier, so I was just checking."
"Are these goddesses just simply Pseudo-Servants, Divine Spirits or full-on Divinities?" Raikou asked.
"They are Divine Spirits summoned to this land by the Grail we think, but they have access to all of their Divine Power. You've already encountered the subordinates or rather the children of one of the goddesses, the Demonic Beasts. The Three Goddess Alliance is, as the name suggests three female deities working together. We know almost nothing about them, individually or as a group. Their objective, though, is crystal clear," Enkidu said.
"And that is?" Ritsuka asked.
"The annihilation of the human race. Complete extinction. No survivors. 'Eradicate humanity here to cause everything rising from this era to die out.' That seems to be their objective."
"Hey real quick, when you say 'children', to be clear, are you aware if any of the Three is named Echidna, Loki, or Angrboda perchance?" Andy asked, internally screaming and praying it was one of those three and not the one appropriate to the location.
"I do not know, I only know that one of them is a Goddess of the Earth, thanks to my own connection with the planet," Enkidu responded.
"Oh okay, I'll keep that in mind," Andy said.
"Destroying humanity, that is no different from what the King of Mages is trying to do, but they are Goddesses shouldn't they be on the side of Humanity?" Mash asked.
"There's never been a time when gods allied with humans. Humans are nothing more than worker drones to the gods. It is said the gods of Mesopotamia created humans to be 'those who perform their jobs in their stead.' Whatever the truth is, for gods, humans are objects to keep, not objects to love. Gods who love humans merely suffer from a logical error due to being multifunctional. Take Inanna, also known as the before mention walking piece of trash. That Goddess has a confusing nature unfit for a deity. She loves abundant harvests, man, war and being at the top." Enkidu began to exposit, giving some insight into the nature of the gods. "She claims to love humans, but favours war where humans kill each other. Isn't that contradictory?" He asked them.
"Rather so, yes." Andy agreed, hanging off of every word.
"Right. That's why it's helpful to think of it as a kind of logical error. Lack of uniformity from having too many elements and functions. Put simply, she's just insane."
"Oh, burn," Ritsuka muttered in commentary. "And yeah that kinda makes sense when you think about it, give anyone too many tasks, and they can't mentally handle it. For gods, it must be much worse than with humans due to the embodying concepts thing."
"Yes. Usually, the demiurge who possesses many functions and roles is the one that loves humans. The more roles a god has, the more they make logical mistakes. Just like humans, as you said. Sorry, I got caught up in my own words. I do love teaching people new things. Anyway, the three goddesses that appeared here each used their own methods to destroy Mesopotamia. Though sorry about my early words Andy, because I unintentionally lied in answering your question. The Goddess that I told you had a connection to the Earth, while I do not know her name. I do know that she came from Greece: The 'Goddess of Demonic Beasts.' but I can not confirm if it is this Echidna."
"Just the confirmation that she's Greek and not local is a major weight off my shoulders, if I'm being honest," Andy said with a sigh of relief. "The way you were talking, I thought for sure it was going to be Tiamat, and while either one would be pretty hard, I feel like fighting a Primordial in her home turf would be a bad idea, so that's still pretty helpful, your awesomeness."
"Yes it is not Tiamat thankfully, but she is still a threat, and I shall show you how she killed most of this land," He said as they came to the top of the plateau giving them a full view of the region. "Welcome to the Absolute Demonic Front Babylonia, this is the Northern Wall keeping the beast from overrunning Uruk made from the city of Babylon itself six months ago, at the order of the King to stem the tide."
"Fuck." Andy said softly as he stared out at the practical sea of monsters. "And, they just keep coming no matter how many die?"
"Yes, the beasts, number in the tens of thousands, the people of Uruk have fought against the horde for six months now, though for every beast that is killed three men lose their lives in response. At this rate, the people of Uruk will only be able to last thirty more days at max," Enkidu stated.
"...About how much of the total would you say is out there right now?" Andy asked as he worked out the logistics of what he was about to do.
"Along the entire length of the wall? I can detect about one hundred thousand beasts, I see you have a plan to kill as many as possible. But I suggest saving that until the King gives the okay for the most effective use of it," Enkidu stated.
"But I must say this beyond impressive, my three-line formation is nothing compared to this," Nobu said with glee, looking like she was just about to just jump into the fray and start slaughtering. There was an expression on her face that was actually creeping the fuck out of Andy, as it was going into crimson fucker territory.
"Cool your ovaries, Nobunaga," Ritsuka said as he pulled the crazed warlord back a bit. Who just let out a whine in response.
"Ignoring the fools, I understand. I will defer to your wisdom, your awesomeness." Andy said with a respectful nod. "Ooh, but does that mean you'll be introducing us to the King?"
"Yes, though to get to Uruk safely we need to get Cedar Forest and take a boat down the Tigris River as that will allow us to bypass all of the demonic beasts. As if we tried to fly, you would get torn apart by about a hundred Basmu before we even reached the wall. And even would be able to save you from that fate," Enkidu informed them.
"Duly noted," Andy said as he pictured that. "Oh, but before we go, have you been to the Cedar Forest before?" He asked, trying to figure out the time period.
"Yes, the poor Humbaba has been put out of her misery," Enkidu stated.
"Alright, then please, lead the way, your awesomeness," Andy said, eager to see the interactions between Gilgamesh and Enkidu first hand.
"Very well, to the Cedar Forest we go, and if we hurry we should get to Uruk by evening," Enkidu said.
Xxx
"Enkidu are we close to the river?" Mash asked as they walked through the Cedar Forest. The massive Cedar trees towered over the group like the legs of a giant.
"Just another five to ten minutes, and we should be at the wharf," Enkidu responded.
Though a second after Enkidu had answered another voice spoke up, one that was familiar to Andy's ears while it was one he hadn't heard in months. That condescending tone had stayed with him, and from out of the bushes came Merlin and what Andy presumed to be another Servant.
"Ah, I didn't know there was a wharf around here, thanks for telling us, oh and sorry to scare but I am not an enemy so don't worry. We're just very lost as you can see, though we were going to end up as monster food. But I guess luck is smiling at me. See Ana? Don't you think you were right to follow me?"
"Foustball Special!" Andy shouted as he, seemingly out of nowhere, threw Fou at Merlin at high speed, a move the two had worked out for just this occasion.
"DIE! MERLIN!" Fou shouted in response as he landed on Merlin's face paw-first and began to scratch him like he was Meowth.
"Argh, Cath Palug why!" He screamed as he landed on his back.
"That's for being a shitty mentor-slash-father figure for my daughter!" Andy said as he walked over and kicked Merlin directly in the groin, and a second time, and then again for good measure.
"Argh, the pain is unbearable!" He shouted as he clutched his crotch as Fou jumped off him and returned to Mash's shoulder.
"You deserve at least this much, since Tori probably won't do it herself," Andy said, arms crossed, glaring at the Wizard of the Round Table.
"Too true," He responded as he stood back up.
"Can you do it again?" Ana asked.
"...For you, yes," Andy said as he processed Merlin was corrupting another youth, and then slugged Merlin straight across the jaw, sending him spinning to the ground.
"Thank you," She responded.
"No problem sweetie."
"So you're lost, do you wish to join us on our journey towards Uruk?" Enkidu asked, actively ignoring what had just occurred.
"Yes, we would like that, though we would have followed even if you had said no, so might I ask what your name is? I don't like travelling with people whose name I don't know, I know theirs, but I don't know yours, Mister Green," Merlin said.
"Merlin, he's obviously Enkidu," Andy said, still glaring at the Wizard, and then having a thought quickly checked to see if he had a Sheet with Stat-o-Vision.
And he did.
And his Master was stated to be Gilgamesh.
"Enkidu? Are you telling me that is Enkidu? That is a problem, a big problem," He said as he began to walk.
"And why is there something wrong with me?" Enkidu asked with raised eyebrows.
"No, it's just that if you're Enkidu, I'd have to start questioning my own memory. His Majesty King Gilgamesh is commanding the front line in Uruk. And he just returned from his quest for immortality seven months ago," Merlin stated. "And you're clearly not a Servant, so I ask who are you?" He asked as Andy's heart dropped.
"But Gilgamesh only went on that journey because En-," Mash words died in her mouth and they all turned to look at Enkidu.
"Huhahahahahaha," Enkidu maniacally laughed as he gave them all a sinister look. "I guess this little farce of mine is over," He spoke, and within seconds Raikou was upon him, but he just simply caught the blade which shockwave created a several meters deep craters just behind him.
"I just hoped it would have lasted a little longer, for if it had, I would have the pleasure of watching you all be eaten by the Goddess who rules the Cedar Forest now," He stated with a much more deeper and sinister tone of voice a complete 180 from his previous behaviour. "I thought humans were stupid and pathetic, but seriously you just take the cake not even questioning me for a single second."
"Y-you're one of my favourite heroes," Andy said. "I wouldn't of...I thought…"
"What, I would be on your side? I am a weapon created by the gods, of course, I would be on the side of the goddesses. My allegiance is determined by those that wield me, so now you pathetic bug do me a favour and die," He said, and Andy watched him move his foot to the left and from the ground came a pillar of earth that slammed into Raikou's stomach that sent her flying.
"Senpai, the enemy Enkidu's Magical Energy levels have reached the level of a Demon God Pillar," Mash stated as she immediately went into combat mode. Though before they could do anything else, Enkidu? Just suddenly ran off?
"Heh?"
"Wait what?" Came the comment from Ritsuka who had activated his Stand.
"Don't worry about him for a while, he is just off chasing an illusion," Stated the voice of Merlin as he placed a hand on Andy's shoulder.
"Merlin you beautiful bastard, I could kiss you," Andy said in relief. "So, on a guess, we're running in the opposite direction?"
"Yes, we need to leave the Cedar Forest immediately though the boat plan is still good," Merlin said.
"Yeah, Senpai we need to leave," Mash said her voice filled with concern.
"Yes, run, Merlin please tell me you know the best way to go?"
"Yes, we just need to go left here," He answered.
They did just that running at full tilt, Andy holding Shatterthorn tightly in hand, blade still retracted, just in case.
Xxx
"There is the wharf, we can take a bit of a breather now," Merlin said as they came to the edge of the Tigris River where they could see a longboat that had lots of timber tied to it.
"Wait didn't you say that you didn't know there was a wharf earlier?" Ritsuka asked.
"I lied," The Arthurian Wizard replied.
"I'd say take everything he says with a grain of salt Ritz. Trickster type and all that." Andy commented. "Though, hold on, why is there already a boat here? Is this another trap?"
"No, no we will just be going with the Stray Servant that joined up with King Gilgamesh. She is the reason why this part of the Cedar Forest is safe to be, and I lied because it was a part of a quick plan to confirm if the individual that was with you, was the Traitorous Enkidu. Though not that the people of Uruk believe that he is Enkidu, just a thing created by the goddesses to further demoralise them," Merlin explained.
"Well, that seems like a nice thing to believe in, I'll be doing just that," Andy said with a nod, finally easing up, on his death grip on Shatterthorn. "It's just his body being possessed by something else. Simple. We've run into that before."
"That is the most probable, someone just installed new software into the hardware that is the wedge that should have bound Gilgamesh to the gods, though we would have to go to the Underworld to confirm that, as that is there he should be buried," Merlin replied.
"So, who is this Servant? She must be powerful to make the Goddess that controls the forest now to not engage her," Mash stated.
"She is a strong Servant, though not a traditional Heroic Spirit as she is made from spun up folk tales and the data of giants. Her name is Paul Bunyan," Merlin said.
"Yep, that me, though I am bit far from America now aren't I," A rumbling female voice said from up above them, and Andy lifted his head up and saw a giant face looking down at him.
"Wh...why is Paul Bunyan, a giant little girl?" Andy asked in a long-suffering tone.
"I am wondering that myself," The giant girl in question replied. "I think it's because of Columbia, but I can't be sure."
"...To be clear, is Columbia a floating city-state in the sky, or something that makes more sense?" Andy asked, afraid now that Bioshock was real too since he hadn't seen any references to it existing.
"I think she is talking about the Goddess Columbia, Senpai," Mash said.
"What the pretty lady said," Paul Bunyan replied as she shrunk down to being Saberface sized.
"Oh okay good, I've been having a lot of things I like turn out to be bad lately, so I was just checking," Andy said with a sigh of relief. "So, will you be staying here or coming with us, little Miss Bunyan?"
"I'm done getting wood for Uruk for today, so I'll be going back now," She replied as she grabbed one of the tree trunks with one hand. And placed it on the boat with the others.
"Alrighty then, in that case, it's your boat Miss Bunyan, we'll do whatever you need." Andy acquiesced easily. Paul Bunyan being a little girl, wasn't that weird compared to Jack the Ripper, so it was easy to get over.
"You don't need to do anything just jump on the boat Sir," Paul said as she went onto the boat herself.
"Alright, and please, just call me Andy." He said as he did just that, helping both Astolfo and Mash in first.
"Keep it in your pants Andy," Ritsuka commented as he went into the boat himself, Nobu and Raikou in spirit form joining him.
"Shut up and let me be romantic, you geed."
"But how can I stop when you give such funny reactions in response?"
"Just sit down," Ana said as she sat beside Paul Bunyan. "And be quiet humans."
"We're already sitting," Andy noted. "Also, not a human."
"Oh, then just be quiet," Ana replied.
"Don't be like that Ana, they are trying to be friendly," Merlin said as he too sat down.
"You can die in a hole Merlin, and do I have to come along?" She asked.
"It's the best way to accomplish your goal," He said back.
"Also, I'll be making pancakes at the earliest convenience," Andy noted.
"Yeah!" Paul Bunyan replied in enthusiasm. As she untied the boat and they began to sail down the river.
While Ana just stayed silent.
"So, Ana, what is your goal that Marlin mentioned?" Andy asked.
"To kill the Goddess of Demonic Beasts," She replied in a cold tone.
"Now that we're in a safer position we can start playing twenty questions if you want," Merlin stated.
"Yeah, I would like to do that," Came the voice of Roman from the armband. "Finally, we have a connection again. You don't have to tell us what happened, while we couldn't talk to you we still got a distorted visual feed."
"Oh okay, good to hear ya, Boss," Andy said. "And so, following that suggestion: Merlin, what kind of bullshit are you pulling off to be here right now? Because if you're doing what I think you're doing, then you have now learned something from Arturia."
"Yeah, I was wondering the same thing, your Merlin, the world's biggest scoundrel doing here as a Servant? You can only become a Servant if you die at some point, and you're fate to never die continuously stuck in Avalon for all eternity. So again, how are you here?" Roman asked. "Are you even Merlin?"
"Bwahahaha! I knew I could count on you to make a big entrance Romani Archaman. I am indeed Merlin the Grand Caster. The greatest, most powerful, most handsome mage of all time! And I am kidding about the Grand Caster part, thought that would rattle your nerves a bit," He said with a smug smile.
"Consider my nerves rattled," Andy said dryly, heckles having been raised for a moment upon hearing that. "But you avoided the question, so I'm going to guess aloud how I think you did it. You are, in fact still alive in Avalon, and are pulling some loophole to be here as a Servant despite the fact that you ain't dead, potentially as a flesh and blood person, though I doubt you're using Alaya or whatever to do it like how Arturia did in an alternate timeline. Just spitballing here."
"Very close actually, this Singularity exists in the past, long before I was ever born, so technically I am dead, so I was able to project a much more stable version of myself to this Era thanks to Gilgamesh trying to summon a Servant," He explained.
"Pretty damn brilliant bullshit there Merlin," Andy said, legitimately impressed at the loophole via leap in logic necessary to even think of that. "10/10, fantastic idea."
"Thank you, came up with it myself, though regarding my earlier words while I am not a Grand Caster, I am a candidate for the position," He stated.
"Yeah, that makes sense," Came the voice of Roman. "I've found out the qualification to be Grand Caster is not prodigious magical abilities but extreme Clairvoyance, Solomon can see the past and the future, Gilgamesh the deep truth of all things and the future, while you have the worst vision being only able to see all of the present. If I had to make a comparison, it would be like you could see through the eyes of every single person on the planet, which… makes you… pretty… reliable… guy… I'll be stepping out for a moment." At that, the connection disappeared.
"I guess I'll be taking over the console for a second," Came Da Vinci's voice.
"Hey, Leo. Just playing 20 questions with Merlin, Ana, and Actual Paul Bunyan if you haven't been keeping up." Andy informed her.
"I have been, though Merlin, how long have you been here?" She asked.
"From the beginning soon after the Singularity," He replied.
"So, do you know the identity of our enemy?" Andy asked. "Beyond 'Goddess of X', but that would also be good since I'm pretty good at figuring out identities from monikers."
"Sadly, I only know the name of the Goddess that is flying around and annoying everyone with her nagging. One of the downsides of Clairvoyance is that when you're powerful enough, you tell when people that use it are looking at you and so can block it," He replied. "Though besides the Goddess of Demonic Beasts here in the North, there is one down south that has transformed the area around Ur and Eridu into a deadly jungle," He stated.
"And is Ishtar the third of the Alliance? Looks like this?" Andy asked, pulling up the feed from earlier that day and displaying it holographically through her armband.
"We presume so, as she has been causing a lot of trouble for Uruk and the surrounding area, her nature is erratic. One day she is helpful, the next she has destroyed several farms."
"Oh great, she's taken being Tsundere to the godly level…" Andy bemoaned. "Alright, so do you have any info on what the other two look like or sound like or can do or anything like that? Like I said, I'm really good at guessing, I was a bit of a history and mythology buff before all this mess."
"I am being honest here when I say I don't know anything about them," Merlin replied.
"I believe you (for now), I was just saying," Andy said, before a thought occurred to him. "Hey, wait, hold up, how do you know our names and stuff? A bunch of stuff happened between then and now, but you called Ritsuka by name, who definitely only woke up after your little surprise visit in America. So how do you know our names?"
"Cath Palug here is my familiar, so I've been seeing and hearing your story through him," He answered.
"Oh, okay," Andy said, before visibly processing that for a moment. "And how often, exactly, have you been spying on us through our precious Fou?"
"Almost constantly it gets very boring in my tower," He replied.
"...So, to be clear, before I get mad. When you say 'almost', what do you mean?" Andy asked, an extremely neutral expression on his face, his tone completely even.
"Can't watch when I sleep obviously," He replied.
"...Hey Marlin, I think you should join the other fish."
"Huh?"
And at that, Andy flipped Merlin out of the boat and into the water, the only thing keeping the Wizard from being left behind being Merlin scrambling for the lumber they were pulling behind. "That's for being a voyeur you creep!" Andy declared.
"Blurp, blurp!" Came the response.
"Senpai!"
"Mash, I'm willing to be you've changed in front of Fou without thinking about it, I know I have, and he just said he's been watching through our innocent Fou's eyes every waking moment," Andy explained surprisingly calmly considering he had just thrown Merlin overboard. "And, if I'm remembering properly, he's also seen other things."
"...Oh, then he can perish."
"BLARRGHHH!"
Xxx
"Welcome to the front gates of Uruk, Gentlemen, women and those of rapidly shifting gender," A now dry Merlin said as the sun shone down on them. Though Andy could tell it, it would set in a few hours.
"So I'm assuming you can get us in since you're the King's Servant, Dick Wizard?" Andy asked.
"You give a woman a penis one time, and it stays with you forever, and yes I can I just have to give my pass to the guard, and he will let us in," He said as they approached the gates, where other people were walking.
"I was saying it more because you're half Incubus, so your magic comes from your dick," Andy said. "Saying this as a half-demon myself."
"That is not actually accurate, my power comes from consuming people's dreams," He answered. As they stood in front of the guard.
"Ah Lord Merlin you have returned was the mission a success?" The guard asked.
"Sadly not, so I have to give my report to his majesty," Merlin answered.
"That is worrying to hear so who are these people?" He asked.
"They are with me, they are foreigners that have come to assist the people of Uruk," Merlin explained.
"That is great to hear, go on in. Though little Miss," The Guard said addressing Ana. "Have these sweets my daughter made for me, they are a little too strong for me. But I am sure a young girl like yourself would like them," He said, holding out some baked goods. Though she hesitated at accepting them.
"Ana if you don't take them, I will," Andy said teasingly, using the classic Older Sibling Reverse Psychology Technique.
"Senpai, you're an adult, control yourself, or I will drag you through that gate," Mash responded in a scandalous tone.
"Then I will just take one," Ana replied as she took one of the baked goods. And quickly ate what would be considered this time period's candy.
Andy gave a subtle thumbs up and grin to the guard from behind her as he did.
And so they went through the gate and entered Uruk proper and what Andy was seeing was not what he had expected.
The only thing that could describe the city at this moment was alive.
As people were walking around with large smiles on their faces, children were running around, and merchants were trying to sell their wares.
Andy felt something wet on his face, and when he reached up to check what it was, he realised he was crying a bit at the sight.
"Wow, Senpai look at this place, it's filled with so many people!" Mash exclaimed as she looked around as they continued to walk towards the Ziggurat.
"Yeah," Andy said as he quickly wiped the tears away on his sleeve. "It's so… alive." He said softly but cheerily.
"Yeah, certainly doesn't feel like a place that has the literal apocalypse beating on the walls," Ritsuka commented.
"Yeah, they are a bit nervous and hurrying about, but they have not forgotten how to smile, despair has no place in this city," Mash said in response.
"Yeah, this city is beyond impressive," Came Roman's voice. "I got a scan of the place, and it is an utterly efficient city whose structure would work even today in how it is designed."
"Yes, the Sumerians were pioneers of this stuff, they were the first ones to abandon village-based structures, and created these city-states, and doing so also revolutionised farming at the time. And soon after doing that, proper writing, education, law-making, this is SOCIETY! While timber is a precious commodity in this land, it had great quality mud which they used to knead into clay. Yes, Clay, Wheat, and Wool are what makes Uruk function," Merlin stated.
"It's beautiful," Andy said as he looked around, taking in the sight of so many people just being people. It was a sight he hadn't even realised he'd missed.
"You can all sightsee the city later, we need to get to the Ziggurat and present ourselves before his majesty," Merlin told them.
"Right, right. King Gilgamesh the Good King version. Honestly, I've been dreading and anticipating this for a while." Andy said. "Lead the way."
Xxx
"Wow, the people are so friendly," Mash commented as they entered the main chamber where they could now hear Gilgamesh ordering his people, while still sounding very Gilgamesh as it were.
"I know, right? This place is amazing." Andy said.
"Though, I only think it is that way because Merlin is our FastPass," Ritsuka commented. "Though it seems that something is making his majesty mad."
And that was when they heard Gil's voice get even louder than before. "Curse that Temple Matron there in Girsu! I know there's still supplies storied the temple of Bau! Have them send everything to the front lines! It will be the end of the world if the wall breaks. Tell her food can't be taken to the underworld!" Though as they got closer his voice got calmer and Andy could even see him smile a little. "...By the way, I heard Tabado's daughter is giving birth. Send her a sacred prostitute to aid her, along with some healthy fruits. And pull Tabado of the Northern Wall, and give him three days' rest. His grandson's face will give him courage."
"That is not how I pictured him," Came the comment from Ana as they continued to hear Gilgamesh order his men.
"Gilgamesh is a good and wise king, Ana, and this is him in his Zone, as it were. It's Gilgamesh at his best." Andy explained to her.
"Yes, though it doesn't look like we will be able to get a word in for he is just yelling at one person after the other," Mash commented.
"Yeah, his majesty is not going let you wait for him to finish, so you just have to butt in," Merlin said. "King Gilgamesh! I, Merlin, mage extraordinaire, have brought guests! I know you're busy and I can see that so I bring them to you now," And with strength that surprised Andy, Merlin pulled Andy with him alongside Ritsuka towards the King of Uruk.
"So you've returned, Merlin. Welcome. The King is happy to see you," A woman that had been standing by Gilgamesh's right side said. But contrary to her words, he had a very unamused expression on his face. "And? Did you bring back the Tablet of Destinies as your King ordered?"
"No, I didn't have any luck this time either. It's not in the Cedar Forest…Sheesh. If only you remembered where you left it, Your Majesty, I wouldn't have to work this hard," Merlin answered.
"Silence. Know your place, mage. The King just happened to be tired when he scribed the tablet. Even I've never heard of memory loss from exhaustion, but… if the King says that is the case, then it must be. Do as he says and keep looking for it. More importantly… Who are those people? They do not look like Uruks."
"It's fine. I understand the situation," Gilgamesh spoke before Andy could introduce himself. "You may go, Siduri. And the rest of you go out as well." At that room, emptied out by Siduri did not leave.
"Your majesty, you do not plan to fight them here in the throne?" She asked.
"No, I just wished for a private conversation, I would have thought these Mongrels, but it seems the self-made half-breed has managed to summon me. So they are at the bare minimum worth a singular conversation," Gilgamesh stated.
"I see my king, but I will stay just in case anything important spoken needs to be transcribed," Siduri said back.
"Your majesty," Andy said as he kneeled before the King. "Allow me to cut to the chase with this: we want to fix the overarching problem with reality right now, so we're willing to do whatever you need us to. With our current team, we can be couriers, healers, hunters, fighters, whatever you may need. We just want to see humanity saved."
"Ah, your majesty are these the strangers from the observatory you spoke about that would arrive?" Siduri asked.
"Yes they are the ones I foresaw coming, though they are certainly earlier than I expected, way too early," Gilgamesh said.
"What my Master said is true, that is all we wish to do, as we search for the Holy Grail," Mash said.
Though as soon as she said that a golden portal opened above Gil's hand out of it fell the Holy Grail. "Is this the Holy Grail you're looking for?"
"Yes, I believe so your majesty, though we understand it may not be the root of the problem, we do require it in order to kill the King of Mages once we have saved your kingdom," Andy explained as best he could.
"It kinda is as it is the only thing I can think of that would make the Three Goddess Alliance attack Uruk so relentlessly. It is a little war between them. But are you saying you want this in exchange for defeating the Three Goddess Alliance?"
"If you are so willing, then yes. We have two anti-divine servants, one who does not fear any god, and one whose shield has withstood the blows of gods. We are ready, willing, and prepared to take them on." Andy explained. "And do whatever else needs to be done while we are here."
And that was when he began to laugh and laugh hard. "Muahahaha. Defeat them? You're going to defeat those goddesses? Siduri, bring me water! My life's in danger! These fools may make me laugh myself to death! Merlin brought me the future's greatest clowns!" Though he quickly managed to call himself down. "Heh… Wow, that was a good one. I'll put it down in the court records. It'll say, 'The King is in great abdominal pain.' But knowing everything, I say this: I have no use for you right now. You're all contaminants to this Era. Rather, you're an excess. I'd go as far as to say you're unnecessary. Uruk is mine to protect. I do not need help from Chaldea-" Though before he could continue a soldier ran into the throne room.
"Forgive me for interrupting your pleasant chat, my king!"
"Does this look like a pleasant chat to you!? Are you blind!?" Gilgamesh responded to the guard's words.
"Sorry, my king, but we heard your laughter echo through the ziggurat, and we thought you were having a good time," The guard said back.
"...No matter. What is it?" Gilgamesh asked.
"Our observatory near the Tigris river, have spotted the Boat of Heaven heading towards Uruk at high speed, Ishtar of the Three Goddess Alliance is coming!"
And in response, Gil just sighed heavily. "That fool again? Does she never learn? Or is she so stupid she can't even remember what happened a day ago? No, I doubt that moron can even remember what happened twelve hours ago."
"Ahem, your majesty please refrain from insulting Lady Ishtar, despite her current allegiance she is still Uruk's patron Goddess," Shiduri commented.
"Don't concern yourself with such matters Siduri, when has she ever protected Uruk from anything? She is just an annoying temper tantrum-throwing brat," He said.
And it was at that moment Ishtar broke through the roof.
"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!" She shouted as her eyes glowed gold.
And that was when Ristuka came with the perfect comment. "I told you I'd see you in court."
Xxx
A/N: If you like this or any other of my stories, you can donate to my P A Treon. com (slash) StreamingViking and read commissioned stories. Along with voting for which stories will be updated next via Polls. And chapters before they are released here.
Reaction Corner is back:
Me at the start of the chapter: Don't trust Big Smoke
Passive: Alright*Prooceds to Fanboy over Enkidu*
*Enkidu betrays them*
Me: I told you not to trust Big Smoke, he was the imposter.
Passive: But green wasn't even acting sus!
Also Passive: Ishtar's outfit wants me to give her wedgie.
