"Fuck this is a steep mountain," Ritsuka complained as they walked up the mountain because the magic of the place quite literally made it impossible to fly up to the summit.

"This is why body mods are superior, foolish human," Andy stated imperiously as she walked along with no issue.

"Yeah, yeah lord your transhumanistic views over me, but still I get that magic is making it impossible to fly to the top, but why is that?" He asked, his eyes turning to Merlin.

"It is the law of the land. This mountain is more than just a mass of earth and rock it is an entity unto itself that even the Gods of Sumer feared, well everyone except for Ishtar who sought to conquer it and make it her own," Merlin said.

"Yeah and Ishtar complained all the way as the mountain fought against her as it did not want to be destroyed by her, not realising it was her fault, to begin with. She is the oldest example of victim-blaming," Ana said.

"Wow. Thanks for the history, Ana." Andy said, patting her on the head as she did. "You're a good kid, y' know that?"

"Shut up, I don't care about your compliments at all," She responded.

"Yeah the only reason Mt. Ebih lost to Ishtar, was because he did not send out all of his disasters at once, only one at a time. While Ishtar is selfish, so adversity only makes her stronger," Roman added. "And speaking of Ishtar please do not antagonise her again Ritsuka."

"Repeating what the boss just said, please let me do all the talking with her Ritz." Andy reiterated. "Please. We have enough angry goddesses against us, we don't need any more."

"Hey, the risks I take are calculated, but boy, I am bad at math," He joked.

"Well good thing you have me here, I'm great at math." Andy jokingly bragged.

"Well thankfully the no flying rule is the only one that is really in place in this age or else we would have suffered heavy weather," Merlin said.

"Yeah but then I could have just Rode the Storm all the way to the top," Andy stated as if it were a fact.

It was not.

"Well speaking of storms you're about to meet the most stormy Goddess of Mesopotamia," Roman said as they finally arrived at the temple, Ishtar had made on the mountain.

"Well damn, that's a cool looking temple," Andy said in appreciation of the architecture. And hoped that those manticore-looking things by the doors were just statues, since they were huge. "Best way to say hello is to walk up and knock, right?"

"I can't see a door to knock on, I think we can just go in," Astolfo said.

"Right, thanks Azzy, always the voice of reason," Andy said before brazenly leading them forward.

"...I am not even going to bother anymore," Mash commented as they all followed Andy and entered the temple of gold and money.

"Good morning, O Beauteous and Mighty Ishtar!" Andy loudly announced as she strode through the temple's entrance. "We have come with what we believe to be a truly prodigious offer!"

"You're certainly an audacious group of people," Ishtar said as she laid on her bed throne while being fanned by a very grumpy looking Ibaraki.

"Yup!" Andy agreed easily. "Also, Ibaraki, your Master is still waiting for your return, but that's not the reason we're here of course."

"Goldie can shut, I only ever follow Shuten, and people who beat me," She replied.

"You lost to Gorgon, and now you're visiting me? Have you come to beg me for help?" She asked.

"Unabashedly so, yes." Andy agreed. "Well, actually, less beg and more barter. Since we are willing to pay." She said, indicating the cart. "Mash, do the thing!"

And at that Mash removed the cover that hid the jewels and other gemstones. "Lady Ishtar, we have convinced Gilgamesh to part with 7% of the treasure of the Gate of Babylon's gems in order to bring you to our side," Andy explained dramatically, the hidden lights within the cart activating to make them all glow with an ethereal light and look even more appealing.

"You-you're talking about Goldie's treasury right, and he is willing to give se-seven percent of it to me? And without tax right, I don't have to pay taxes on these?" She asked as she stood up, her body shaking.

"That is correct, no taxes, just straight-up 7%, for which this is the deposit." Andy agreed.

"Hahahahaha, I-I do, do it!" She shouted as she jumped onto the bags and started to hump them.

"Fou, fou, fou, fou(Special Translation: Wow, this Goddess is easy,)" Fou said.

"Fou fou fou." Andy agreed quietly to the cat, before clearing her throat and addressing the Goddess once more, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Also, Lady Ishtar, we've been authorised to give you an additional 3% if you'd be willing to do a small favour for me."

"Three percent more? Ahhh!"

"Did she just?" Astolfo asked.

"Yeah, yeah she did?" Nobu confirmed.

"...As I was saying," Andy said, ignoring it. "There is a specific favour I'd like of you for that remaining 3%. I'm assuming you accept?"

"TELL ME!" Ishtar shouted as she quickly jumped over to her and shook her.

"Stop the shaking!" Andy said, grabbing at Ishtar's arms to make her stop; being shaken by B-Rank Strength was not fun, even if she had an equivalent level. "And calm down."

"I am calm, I am a Goddess, I am always calm!" She shouted.

"Okay, then. The favour is that you can't kill or attack me for what I'm about to do, ever." Andy said, before grabbing the sides of Ishtar's waistband and pulling them up to her armpits in one hard tug.

And silence rang throughout the temple.

Which was only broken by Ibaraki's laughter. "Bwahahahaha, you got given a wedgie! Who's the big bad Goddess now?"

And Andy saw Ishtar's face go from its pale colour to tomato red in an instant. And a second later found herself looking up at the sky.

"Huh, didn't think the whole 'get thrown through the wall and get stuck' thing was possible," She heard Merlin say from inside the temple. Since she was now partially stuck within its walls, arms pinned to her sides.

"Uh, little help here?" Andy called through. "Also, I feel like this may break the whole 'you can't attack me' part of that 3%!"

"I did not attack you; the wall did, and who are you to argue with the Goddess of law!" Ishtar shouted.

"The one in charge of your pay!" Andy called back. "At least help me out of this!"

"Nah, you can get to hang for a few minutes Senpai," Mash said.

"...Mighty Ishtar, I didn't want to use this, but we also had a final addition of 2% more of the King's Treasure able to be offered," Andy said.

"I'll just have Fujimaru give it to me, I'll make a temporary contract with you is that okay?"

"It is," Andy heard her fellow Master reply.

"Great now the thirst thing you can do is give back for those earlier words, kiss my feet," She ordered him.

"Okay, sure."

"Treated like a proper Goddess."

"You're fucking weird Ritz!"

"You have no right to say those words!"

Xxx

"Okay, Ishtar has been recruited, you should head back to Uruk now," Roman said.

"Will someone let me out of this damn wall now then?" Andy asked, frustrated. Despite her best attempts, the temple was apparently both divine and solidly built as it wouldn't break.

"I got you, Master," Astolfo said as he took hold of her arms and pulled her out of the hole.

"Though before we go, I have to ask you, Ishtar. You are a Pseudo-Servant correct?" Roman asked.

"That I am, as you all probably know, Divine Spirits can't be used as human familiars. We have to diminish our power and possess a human vessel, like Miss Purple over there did," She said as she pointed a finger at Parvati.

"And I only did it with her express permission, but what about you Ishtar, did my host's sister consent?" She asked with narrowed eyes.

"I am a little bit different from you. I am Ishtar, but I am also Rin Tohsaka, she did not fall asleep and give me the reins, like Sakura did. We have become one with a ratio of 70/30, I am Rin Tohsaka who woke up to find herself as a brand new Ishtar," She answered.

"Hmm, that is acceptable," Parvati said.

"Gods, their relationships are as troublesome as always even if they are from different pantheons," Raikou said.

"Ah, don't be like that my dearest Niece."

"Oh god, I'm super happy Ritsuka took you now Raikou, imagine the twisted-ass family tree that would have happened otherwise."

"I can always be your mother if you want, for Kintoki is still your Servant, and you act like siblings," She said with a smile.

"You do realise that would make you not only the grandmother of every child Servant back in Chaldea, but also the Great-Grandmother of Mordred?" Andy replied.

"That sounds lovely, would be better if I was older," She said in a tone of disappointment.

"...Okay, sorry for saying it like this, but I can't possibly accept you as my mother since Kintoki is far too good of a boy to even consider marrying, and on the more important hand if I did it without that it would be like admitting I can never see my very much so living mother ever again, and that's not something I'm willing to even entertain for a second." Andy said, getting a little intense at the end. "It's nothing against you, to be clear."

"That is okay," She said in response.

"Okay enough with the drama, didn't we have to go back to Uruk?" Ishtar asked.

"Oh right, yeah, we need to get your payment and ours," Andy said, content now that she knew Ishtar was bound by an actual contract for the amount she'd agreed to.

"Wait… Your payment?" She asked.

"Ayup." Andy said, popping the p. "King G authorised us to go up to one third the value of gems in the Gate. I started at 7% because I thought you would haggle for it more, but imagine my surprise when you accepted the opening offer. Easiest negotiation of my life." Andy said cockily.

"...You cheater! How could you do that to me!" She shouted as she pitty fully pulled at her clothes.

"You were the one who accepted the opening offer. No one does that." Andy said, trying to push the Goddess off before a mischievous glint shimmered in her eye. "If you don't let go of me, I'm doing it again."

She immediately removed her hands. "Urgh, now I wish there was something I could kill right now."

"ISHTAR YOU HAVE DEFILED MY BODY!" Screamed a pained voice as rock monsters began to manifest out of the mountain with excellent timing.

"Ah, target practice and fun as desired," She said with a grin. "Well, Ritsuka now you get to show me how you act as a Master."

"Well, if that is what you desire my Goddess," He responded.

Xxx

"Well that was more tedious than expected and lasted way too long," Ishtar grumbled as they finally reached the foot of Mt. Ebih as the sun was about to set.

"Managed to drain most of us of all our magical energy, going to take a bit to recharge," Merlin mumbled, and even Andy could feel exhaustion setting in as her circuits burned from processing all that mana as the Mt. Ebih had seemingly used the last of its strength to give Ishtar the middle finger one last time.

"Well, there is thankfully an abandoned house nearby you can all rest inside of," Roman informed them all.

"Oh boy, that sounds wonderful and not suspicious at all," Andy said tiredly. "Let's go!" She said weakly.

"Don't worry, can't detect anything off with it, though who is going to take first watch?" Merlin asked.

Andy groaned, having forgotten that was a thing. "I'll take it. Anyone who wants to join me, yay. I'll have coffee and snacks and sleeping charms, so you don't have to worry about the caffeine messing up your sleep."

"I'll take it. I am used to staying outside and going camping when I went around my father's back and left the heavens without his permission," Ishtar said. "And please give me the coffee, this age is lacking in good drinks," she continued, Rin part of Ishtar shining through.

"Aye-aye goddess-lady." Andy said, pulling out a thermos very clearly labelled 'coffee' and handing it over to her as they walked (well, Ishtar floated, but same diff).

"That is surprisingly nice of you Ishtar, to help out Senpai like that," Mash said.

"Well, I am only nice to humans so that I can surprise them later, for you exist to be bullied for my entertainment. Even if I have a soft heart, I am still Ishtar."

"Oh, we exist to be bullied for your entertainment, hmm?" Andy said, before reaching out and grabbing the back of Ishtar's bottoms and yanking upwards to her mid-back.

"Ahh! You! I am changing my mind. You can go watching on your own, I'll sleep on Maanna," She said she flew up into the air.

"This is the only time I'll ever say this, but considering the contract, you were almost literally asking for it!" Andy called up at her.

Andy just heard the sounds of Ishtar fuming.

Xxx

December 12

"You're still keeping watch? The sun is going to rise in a few hours," Andy heard Ishtar say as she joined her on the roof of the house.

"Didn't want to wake anyone up," Andy said. "Everyone needs their rest to recover mana and all that. I just need to sit still. And good morning to you too."

"I still consider it night, though I don't know how you can handle giving it your all, all the time, you really only should give it eighty percent most of the time," She said. "Though now that we're probably alone we have time to properly have a little chat."

"This is my 80%," Andy said snarkily, before processing the rest of the statement. "Sure. Coffee?" Andy asked, offering another identical thermos. "I've got like 28 more of these things."

"Yes something warm would be nice, it is actually kinda cold wearing something like this… ah… ah… chu," Ishtar sneezed, and Andy saw her hair and outfit change. "Ah, thanks for the drink," She said as she took the drink.

"You're...welcome?" Andy asked as much as said, confused. "Are you still Ishtar but with like, more clothes, or are you like, an alternate personality?" She asked, making the mental comparison to Launch.

"Huh what you talking about?" She asked.

"...Never mind." Andy said, chalking it up to 'servants are bullshit, a goddess must be even more bullshit'. "So, what did you want to chat about?"

"I wanted to talk to you about the Three Goddess Alliance, what do you think of them all? Gorgon her you would never be able to make peace with, The Goddess of Jungle our cultures are very different from each other what is good in ours, may be evil in hers, she is the descendent of a celestial body after all. As for the third one, well, that is me obviously. I won't forgive Mesopotamia for what it's become. I refuse to accept that you humans abandoned the gods and tried to make your own world. That's going to bring you nothing but misery. Humans can't escape the suffering of life or the terror of death. You, humans, became smarter. Too smart. And all so that you could come to accept the world for what it really is. But in the Age of Gods, that pain can be lessened, because there are things there that humans can't understand. You can blame all the bad things, the crazy things, in your life on the gods, and that makes life easier. I really thought that way of life was a good thing. I took that blame for tens of thousands of years. That's why… I joined this Alliance. So that your world could become our world… A world for both gods and humans."

"Isn't that what you're doing right now by being here? By being her?" Andy asked, confused. "You are of both god and human right now, so why not just exist like that? Compromise is important, because otherwise, nothing would actually improve for anyone without, in your system, going and fighting the gods, which I don't think is what you want. Because the world you're describing sounds like hell."

"I… Yeah, I guess hell is the only thing a person who can never see the sun can create, good ah… ah… ah… chu!" She sneezed and returned to normal. "Ah, did I fall asleep?"

"Ishtar, do you have a blonde alter ego, second personality, or evil twin or something?" Andy asked. "Because if not, you are messed up, girl."

"The hell you talking about, the only person who could be considered my twin is Ereshkigal, and she is stuck in Kur, and blond is actually my natural hair colour, all of the gods of Sumer are actually blonde if you wish to know."

"Do you think she'd look like this if she was possessing the same body as you?" Andy asked, displaying a hologram of the person she'd seconds ago been looking at.

"...Gah what the hell Eresh have you been running around in my body while I am sleeping?... Huh, I guess that is why the Matron died while she summoned me, she accidentally summoned the both of us."

"Matron?"

"Matron of my temple, she was the one that summoned me to Uruk when it was starting to become a Singularity," She answered.

"Oh. Huh. So the Three Goddess Alliance wasn't a thing from the start...neat." Andy noted. "Also, that technically means you were part of the Alliance in a roundabout way, since Ershkigl said she was explicitly a member," Andy said, mangling the Goddess's name.

"...You're terrible at names."

Xxx

"Hahahahahaha! Welcome back splendid heroes, and you shameless Goddess who got bought by them. Tell me how does it feel to have joined my army?" Gilgamesh asked as they all stood in the throne room having finally returned to Uruk. Andy couldn't help but preen at the praise.

"Nobody joined your army, you idiot! I, the wise and farsighted Goddess Ishtar, have simply entered into a business relationship with the Masters of Chaldea. And just you wait, they are going to be amazing Masters. And until then I will just bring them back to life even if they die or explode. There is no need to say who the real winner is here. And when that happens, this is what you will be screaming: 'Oh Ishtar! You truly are the Goddess of victory! I am so very, very ashamed. Guess I'll have to kill myself!'"

"I am not going to die, you fool!"

"Both of you please stop," Siduri pleaded. "The patron deity appears before us. For a priestess such as myself, there is no greater honour. Let us forget about the destruction she has caused and celebrate her return."

"Humph. You heard her, Ishtar. The High Priestess says so," Gilgamesh said with a cheeky smile.

"Tch, I can't be bossy around Siduri. She's the most faithful of the Uruks, and the ideal priestess," Ishtar muttered.

"My King, we also have more news to report, both amusing and very-much-so-not. Which would you like to hear first?" Andy spoke up.

"A little bit later I have something to ask of Ishtar first, to help us against Gorgon we need to get the Axe Marduk located behind Eridu, but to get it we need to defeat the Goddess of the Jungle, and I am pretty sure you know her identity don't you?" He asked the Sumer Goddess.

"Well, I guess I could tell you. She is a fellow goddess of Venus, she is the great bird of the sun, the winged serpent of Mesoamerica, Quetzalcoatl," She told them.

"Quetzalcoatl!?" Andy squeaked, since that was the one Mesoamerican deity she knew about, and was immediately going 'oh fuck' on loop in her head since that put 2/3rds of the Alliance as 'angry giant snake gods' at best, and at (tentative) worst they now had to deal with a giant omnipotent space kaiju, considering what Artemis had told her.

"That is a demiurge calibre, she might even be stronger than Gorgon, and wait, isn't Quetzalcoatl supposed to be a male god?" Roman asked.

"Well, I guess you wouldn't know. But the gods of Mesoamerica did not come from this planet but from space, they came with a meteor that killed all those dino things. And from there they infected the plants and animals and evolved them to become gods and built that area's civilisation. The deities of Mesoamerica move from one human to another. One of those vessels was probably a woman," Ishtar explained.

"My money's on Luvia actually." Andy piped in, having put together that the non-servant ladies from Stay/Night were coming back as Pseudo's now, so as the only one left with a name it made sense.

"Ah, thank you, there is still much we don't know about the Earth," Roman thanked Ishtar.

And at that moment the entire Ziggurat shook.

"Forgive me my King, but an urgent message from the south gate of Uruk," A soldier spoke as he ran into the throne room. "That gate has been destroyed by someone calling herself Quetzalcoatl with her bare hands and has now entered Uruk!"

"Go and intercept her now!" Gilgamesh shouted at them.

Xxx

And as they ran through the streets of Uruk, they heard the sounds of a woman's laughter and men screaming as they were sent flying through the air.

"Mucha, Mucha has more little boys come to challenge this big sister in Luchadore?" Said a tall blond woman dressed in Aztec clothing.

"¿Qué demonios?" Andy asked, confused at the Lucha referencing. And also at the fact she was, you know, bodying everyone, and definitely not Luvia.

"Language," She said she took one of the soldiers and sent him flying into the air and was quickly rescued by Ana.

"Wow, Qué técnica, excellent landing," She complimented Ana.

"Lemme tell ya something Quetzalcoatl, I don't appreciate you entering my ring all rudely like this!" Andy said with an uncharacteristic degree of intensity. And enunciation. "You gotta answer to the King of the Ring! And right now, that's me! EL DIABLOOOO!"

"Guess I did but if you want big sis to leave you have to throw me out," She said with a scary face.

"That's exactly what I'm planning on doing!" Andy said back with her best not-as-sharp grin. "So you better get ready to RUMBLE!" Andy said, the song itself playing somehow as she leapt at the Goddess.

Xxx

A low Loki style whine escaped from Andy's throat as she laid in the hole Quetzalcoatl had put her in after she had failed to get her off her feet.

It was fitting since the Mesoamerican Goddess had gone full 'Puny Andy' on her.

And it hurt like a motherfucker, but her body was already healing.

"You okay Senpai!" Mash shouted as she fussed over her.

"Did she leave?" Andy tried to ask, though it came out more as a wordless whine.

"It was a nice attempt senorita," The Goddess said, which answered her question. "But you're very much an amateur when it comes to luchadore or wrestling."

"Quetzalcoatl why are you attacking Uruk and its people?" She heard Ritsuka ask.

"This big sister from Mesoamerica came to mess up Uruk a little at the request of Gorgon, though I assume that you're one of the Masters, yes?" She asked.

"Ya." Andy managed to wheeze out.

"We are," Ritsuka responded.

"If so I am willing to join the cute black-haired one's side if he marries me," She said in response.

"We thank you for your sacrifice Fujimaru," Said Ishtar in a deadpan tone of voice.

"The fuck I am not!"

"Well, anyway I have hit my 100 people quota for today, if I fight anymore I forget their faces. So see you all later," Quetzalcoatl said as she whistled and as she sat back up, Andy managed to see her leave on a Quetzalcoatlus.

"...So that's what it's like to be on the receiving end of that…" Andy noted as she went to work resetting her bones, which all felt like they were popped out of alignment at the moment regardless of how many actually were (the joints). "Can someone carry me back to the King? I need to report, but my legs feel like jello."

"Sure thing dear," Astolfo said as he picked her large body up in a bridal carry.

"Yeah, Kuku hits hard doesn't she," A familiar spoke and Andy turned her head to see Jaguar Warrior picking up the knocked out bodies of the Uruk guards and were throwing them in large baskets. "Hey everybody, how are you doing?"

"You aren't allowed to take those, those aren't yours," Andy said to her like she was scolding a bad cat. "Also, hilow tiger-lady."

"I am a jaguar!" She shouted. "And I know this is an obvious kidnapping attempt."

"I'll kill and skin you," Ana said as she rushed forward and threw her scythe at Jaguar Warrior, who quickly managed to dodge it, and on the return but when it hit the ground the flail at the end pierced the top of her head making blood spurt out.

"Ahh, that puuuurts... Mew Were-Jaguars attack while I escape," She shouted as she ran away while a group of Jaguars ran up to them.

"New Priority, everyone whose fast try and stop her! Everyone who's not, help me with these." Andy ordered, shifting into Demon Mode in Astolfo's arms and subsequently stumbling out of said Rider's grip and landing shakily on her feet.

And Ishtar responded by shooting her in the back of the head. "There she is down."

"Ishtar, I am going to genuinely apologise for what I did before, later, thank you," Andy said as they approached the downed Jaguar, the were-jaguars ending up barely slowing them down as they extricated the kidnapped humans while Andy pulled a large, menacing-looking syringe from storage and injected it into Jaguar.

"Whaaa, what did you paw in me?" She asked.

"Just something to help you sleep for a bit," Andy said, pulling out another, less evil-looking syringe and injecting that one in the now extra-lethargic Jaguar, who immediately lost consciousness. "Alright now, does anyone have anything we can tie her up with just in case?"

"You don't?" Ishtar asked. "You have pretty much everything else on you?"

"...I do, I just forgot about it," Andy said, pulling out a silkie which began to unravel, which she then used to hogtie the cat.

Xxx

"So that is the funny Jaguar Warrior?" Gilgamesh asked as he looked at the tied up Taiga who was futilely trying to exit them.

"That is correct, my King. Thankfully, Ishtar is legitimately a very good shot and managed to take her down without hurting the people she was trying to kidnap." Andy said. "Though I must warn you, she almost exclusively speaks furry, which may be maddening."

"Nya, that is a mean thing to say. I speak purrfectly good English, Spanish, Japanese, and now Sumerian," She said.

"So how do you plan on recruiting her?" Gilgamesh asked.

"Hah as if you can do that, I am not that easy!"

"I actually know how to do that," Merlin said.

"Oh? Does it in any way involve our own kitteh?" Andy asked.

"Nope, Fujimaru tell her the words I said to you," Merlin said.

"Do I really have to? Heh, Jaguar Warrior," Ritsuka began to speak and was doing it in a casanova style voice.

"Huh?"

"Your lustrous fur like that of a demonic boar. Your cute round eyes, like that of a Gazer. It is all too beautiful," He said.

And Taiga's face went fully red. "And I am on your side." She said as she stood beside Ritsuka besides now free of her bindings. Having somehow managed to escape them, and the poison no longer affecting her.

Andy, utterly befuddled how Taiga was both A. Free of her bindings and B. Standing used her Stat-o-Vision on the Jaguar Warrior. And Ana, since she wanted to know for sure whether she was young Medusa or oddly-similar-to-a-Gorgon-sibling-Perseus.

[spoiler=Jaguar Warrior's Stat Sheet]

True Name: Jaguar Warrior

Class: Lancer

Master: -

Parameters:

Strength: C

Endurance: C

Agility: B

Mana: E

Luck: B

Noble Phantasm: B

Skills:

Magic Resistance: A

Mad Enhancement: E

Divinity: A

Jaguar Punch: A

Jaguar Kick: B

Jaguar Eye: A+

Noble Phantasms:

Great Death Claw: The Inescapable Claw of Death(Anti-Unit): B

Jaguar in the Black: Dark Forest Where the Jaguar Lurks(Barrier): B

[/spoiler]

And checking on Ana again she did see her true name this time, and it was Medusa, and one of her Noble Phantasm was Harpe, and the other was her eyes, but they seemed to be currently sealed.

"Alright, so now we have about one and a third goddesses from this place on our side. Righteous." Andy stated happily, but tiredly. "Oh yeah, King G, the third Goddess in the alliance is Ereshkigal, who may or may not share a body with our favourite goddess."

"I figured as much," He said in reply. "Now go and deal with Quetzalcoatl and be done in two days at the very most."

"Do you have anything that can accelerate healing or can rejuvenate tiredness? Because I feel like I got thrown around by a thermonuclear-powered luchador, because I did." Andy asked the King.

"Here, drink this and you will be ready next morning as travelling to Eridu will take a day at most," Gilgamesh said as he threw a bottle at Andy.

"Merci goku." Andy thanked tiredly as she fumbled with the bottle for a second, her hands not reacting how she would have liked. Perhaps staying up all night wasn't very good for her mentally or physically...naw, had to be the Lucha.

"So we're going to fight Kuku? Well, that means this Jaguar has to get serious, or she is going to die," Taiga Warrior as she grabbed her onesie and took it off with a flourish, revealing a brand new outfit. "I shall uphold the laws of the jungle," She said in a serious tone while now dressed like a Yakuza, and her spear had become a proper naginata.

"Cool, was there anything else we're forgetting about? We said about the blondies, we've tamed the tiger...wasn't there something else?" Andy asked the room at large, since she genuinely couldn't remember what else she needed to tell the King about, staring at the people in the room to try and remember. "I think it...oh, right! The amusing news! King, would you like that now that the... everything else has happened?"

"Oh yes, please tell me," Gil said with a smile on his face.

"As part of the deal to recruit Ishtar, I can embarrass her whenever I please, and she can't do anything about it," Andy said with a similar smile. "However, because she has been so useful and helpful today, I'm only going to do so when you give the order to."

"Mwhahahahahahaha, didn't read the fine print did you shameless Goddess," Gilgamesh laughed.

"Why did you have to tell him that, and there was no print you tricked me," Ishtar said as she pointed a finger at Andy accusingly.

"No, you accepted without hearing what I was asking for, that's on you, Ishtarin." Andy fired back. "So basically it wasn't even the fine print, you just saw the number and ignored the bold, neon print."

She gave no response, and just looked at the ground.

Andy was starting to feel a bit bad about it now, and as she tried to think of a way to apologise for her mouth, decided to say something before her brain could think about it. "You know, the deal only prevents harm, you could still prank me back-fucking damn it mouth why are you like this please ignore what I just said."

"Oh, really? Guess I have to plan then, hehehehehe."

"I'm going to bed now." Andy squeaked, grabbing Mash and Astolfo and attempting to take them away with her.

Xxx

December 13

The moonlight shined down on the camp they had made outside of Eridu, so that they could go and fight Quetzalcoatl early in the morning, and right now Andy was laying next to the campfire as she was fully rested at the moment due to her very messed up sleep cycle.

But that didn't mean that she was alone.

"So shall we talk again?" Ereshkigal asked as she sat in front of her.

"Sure," Andy said, shifting so she was laying on her side and facing the fire, and by extension Ereshkigal. "So, what's your favourite colour?"

"It's gold, and what does that have to do with anything?" She asked.

"Well, you just said you wanted to talk, so I figured we should get to know each other a bit better," Andy said with a half-shrug. "Mine's pink, by the way. So now you can ask a question."

"Well, you've been to a lot of Singularities, right?" She asked.

"This is the Seventh Major one. I can't really keep track of the minor ones, but yes. A lot." Andy confirmed. "Why?"

"I would like to hear about your adventures and you, so if you tell me I will tell you a secret about Quetzalcoatl," She said.

"Alright." Andy agreed easily, sitting up properly so she could story-tell better. "How's about I go in reverse order, so… the sixth singularity was a doozy, hoo-boy, so let's start with the desert…"

And so she can retell the events of Camelot to the Goddess of the Underworld who during the retelling had moved her place to where Andy's head was on her lap.

"You went up against another Goddess and managed to come up on top, I see that you have experience. Well, I guess I'll keep up my end of the bargain. Quetzalcoatl is a God of all that is Good, and so it can not harm her," She said.

"I'm a half-demon, you think that'd do anything to help?"

"You're a good person, aren't you?"

"...I like to think so," Andy said quietly.

"Guess you have to find out in a few hours," She said as she patted her head.

"Wh-hey! You aren't allowed to...do it again."

"Well, I guess I can do that as thanks for you being nice," She said.

"...Thank you," Andy said, realising she hadn't been given head pats in almost a decade thanks to her height. It was...something she'd literally never thought about before that moment.

It was...nice.

Xxx

"We're about to get our shit kicked in aren't we?" Ritsuka asked as they looked at the temple that Quetz had constructed.

"Most definitely, yes," Andy said, staring more at the truly fucking massive axe behind the temple that would require a being of a truly ludicrous size to wield normally. The handle alone looked to be several hers stacked on top of each other thick, and with the length… "But also, holy fuck how big was Marduk." She said as she did the mental maths.

"A large fellow, that thing is much bigger than I was told," Merlin said in a frustrated tone.

"Well, if we break the Sun Stone she will get weaker," Jaguar Warrior said.

"Hola mi amigos, welcome to my Sun Temple, I am so glad you got here as fast as you did, and not doing anything else I would consider pitiful, because if you had, I would have to forgo my policies and just kill you," She said as she grinned with her shark teeth filled mouth.

"Hello, King of the Ring Quetzalcoatl. You wouldn't happen to want to chat over some tea and cookies, would you?" Andy asked, hopefully.

"Maybe later, my little human. But first, let's fight! You've come to defeat me by whatever means necessary, yes? I respect your courage and decisiveness! I shall never back down from any fight, or any challenge! That's what I love! Humans are so fun to mess with! You can kill them! You can let them live! You can threaten them, or protect them!" She said with a face of joy. "I don't have any memories left from the Cretaceous Period, my first generation, but the seeds of information that are generations old tell me this! I love you, humans. I want to coexist with you. Humans give meaning to our lives!"

"Then why are you trying to destroy literally all of human existence?!" Andy practically screamed at the hypocrisy between that statement and her actions.

"You say you love humanity and say they give you purpose and meaning, but yet you try to destroy it," Mash said.

"Yeah, you make absolutely no sense…" Ritsuka commented.

"Hehehe… It makes me feel funny when you scold me like that, yes! I like it. But it makes perfect sense, doesn't it? This is normal in human society, right? Purpose isn't just some hobby. It's what you have to do to live, to be you! Yes! I'm a deity who can't exist without messing with humans, and I don't just mean the body of the person who's my host. For humanity to survive longer, I need to help some of them, and get rid of others, so they can adapt to their environment. Performing this cycle is what my life is about. It's why I exist. Do you understand? I participated in this trial as one of the three goddesses because I wanted to play with humanity more. As long as I'm here, humanity won't go extinct. But of course, they won't be safe or at peace either. But smile! I will guarantee your freedom! The freedom to run from the threat of yours truly! And I will SO enjoy watching you squirm! Like a naughty girl with ants and a magnifying glass!" She said.

"Man there are a lot of deities in this land, but I have never seen one whose love was this messed up!" Ishtar said in response to Quetz's little speech.

"Tell it, sister…" Andy agreed.

"Ooh, I'm blushing! You figured out why I'm so in love with Ritsuka, yes?"

"Wait when the fuck did that happen?" He shouted at her.

"It's like a traffic accident," Merlin commented.

"Now, you're after the Sun Stone, right?" Quetz asked, completely ignoring the previous words spoken. "I'll give Ritsuka a chance to break it for as long as you can hold me off. It can be a game. But first, I have a request—Ritsuka and to you, girl. No matter what you fight or how it goes, don't forget to feel joy, yes? I fight because it's fun! Humans fight because it's fun, too! If you don't have hatred in your heart, you won't kill your opponent. That is what makes Lucha libre so great! So you enjoy this danger too, okay? If you do, we can understand each other more, yes!" She shouted.

"No, I will never understand you Quetzalcoatl," Ritsuka said while he gave Andy a quick show in the stomach to get a response from her as well.

"I, uh, actually can understand your logic, but I don't agree with it in the slightest!" Andy said, catching his drift and making damn sure she didn't mention she agreed with the fight=fun part. "I wholly reject your ideology."

"..." Quetzalcoatl's expression froze. "Huh!? That made me so sad that I froze stiff… You can't enjoy fighting? That's a total denial of who I am, yes… I had thought you would understand Andy…" Quetz took a deep breath before she continued. "So I ask you this instead. What is fighting to the two of you?"

"It's a means to an end so that you can relax, fighting is all well and good and even have fun doing, but there is more to life than that," Ritsuka told the Lucha Goddess.

"I don't believe in violence," Andy said simply. "I'm more for solving problems with words, the clash of ideals, not blades. The meeting of minds, not fists. It's just...an ugly mess, fighting. I just don't like it."

"...I see. So that's the kind of people you are. Wonderful answers, so wonderful in fact they want me to crush you. So give it your all this fight is going to be so much fun. I never thought I'd see the humanity we dreamed of in your generation. Now hurry up there before I crush your friend and your Servants Ritsuka!" Quetzalcoatl shouted as she moved in an instant she had her legs wrapped around Mash's neck and in an instant, threw her into the ground.

"I'M THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO TOUCH HER LIKE THAT!" Andy yelled, springing forth into demon mode and swinging at the Goddess with claws and blade.

"Mucha, Mucha get that blood boiling," She said as they went and attacked though out of all of them it was only Raikou and Nezha that were able to keep with the crazed Goddess as she beat them into the ground.

With the one getting beat the hardest being Taiga.

"Hey Quetzy, catch!" Andy said, lobbing an ice runestone directly at the Goddess's head.

And she did the same thing everyone seemingly did when Andy threw stuff.

But it didn't last long as her hand burst into fire and proceeded to use Fire Punch, followed up by a Blaze Kick.

Though before they could retaliate, they all heard Ritsuka's loud voice coming from the sky, and they all turned up to see him get thrown off of Maanna. "Quetzalcoatl, this is the human spirit! Sky High Rider-Buster Justice Bomb!"

"Are you insane! Doing a plancha from that height will kill you!" She shouted as she caught him. "But it's a good thing I am a Lucha Master then. So why did you go and do it?" She asked as she held him.

"Because I knew you'd catch me," He said in response.

"Aww… Ritsuka, mi amor! I'm so glad I joined the Three Goddess Alliance. And now I am leaving it, yes! Cause I'm making you my Master and you as well Andy for being so fun. Congratulations on beating me the two of you."

"Well, I am glad that you're happy Quetzalcoatl," He said in response.

"Ritsuka?"

"Yes, Andy?"

"I'm not joining your harem."

"...Dude you have your own, so I am getting one myself," He said in a joking tone, but it seemed Quetz didn't get that it was one.

"Oh, well if that is the case," She said as she gave him a big kiss on the cheek. "I am happy to join."

The sound of several facepalms was heard in the yard in front of the temple, and from the armbands.

Xxx

"Okay Quetzalcoatl has been recruited now we just need to deal with the axe," Roman said with a voice that was filled with bewilderment when talking about the axe.

"Uhhh, how did King G even want us to move it? Cuz I don't think even Bunyan can lift that." Andy agreed/asked.

"Ah, I can help with that, I can have my Winged Serpents transport it," Quetz offered.

"...Are those just a thing you have? And can I please see one?" Andy asked.

"Sure thing," She said as she whistled and from the woods came the dino and it landed right next to them.

"That is a very big bird," Parvati muttered the Mother Goddess beaten just as blue as the rest of them.

"I knew the dinosaurs had cool colourations," Andy said like she'd just won some sort of argument, because in a way she had since she was now looking at a bright blue, green, and red actual dinosaur. "Nick's gonna shit bricks when I tell him…"

"I think if you told him he would call the psych ward," Ritsuka commented.

"Nah he'd just say I'm bullshitting, at which point I'd do this," Andy said, a line of sparks going across her skin. "Or something to prove I'm an actual factual superhuman existence."

"Yeah that could work, so we go back to Uruk now?" Ritsuka asked.

"I believe so, yes," Andy said, unintentionally mimicking the way Quetzalcoatl ended many of her sentences.

"We should, though we will probably arrive before the axe does, so I think we should have someone guard it while it is being carried," Merlin said.

"Yes, that is a very good idea, Merlin, walking nuisance make sure that it arrives at Uruk safely," Quetz said.

"Ah, Kuku you're working Jaguar way too hard," Jaguar Warrior said with a sigh.

"Are you disobeying?" Quetz asked with her scary face.

"No, but you're abusing me so hard you wouldn't even let me eat all of the sacrifices I got and put them to work in Eridu instead," She complained. "I'll go and tie up the axe."

"Of course, I won't allow sacrifices in my sight. I only accept one when I need a new host, and I do it with their consent first," Quetz said with disapproving eyes being directed at Jaguar Warrior. "Unlike your higher aspect in the form of Tezcatlipoca, I don't forward to such bloodshed."

"Yeah but those soldiers probably wished they had been sacrificed as you put them through your training and that's a fate worse than death. Kuku is such a sadist," Jaguar Warrior shot back.

"Ah, do you want to join them and learn the ways of Lucha? I start by breaking your limbs and hurl you into the sea."

"And she says with such a smile on her, she really is ahhh!" Taiga screamed as Quetz threw her at the axe while yelling at her to get to work.

"Now, where were we?" She asked, acting like the previous exchange had not happened.

"Like I said messed in the head, she has truly been infected by human culture," Ishtar muttered.

"Says the part-human," Andy muttered back. "I believe we were talking about returning to the King?"

"Yes, let us do that before any further brain cells are lost due to her machoness," Ishtar commented.

"Ah, don't be like that Ishtar, you can't lose what you don't have," She said with a grin.

"Hey, be nice to her, she's still borrowing Rin's brain cells, so she has at least one," Andy noted with a grin.

"Oh yes, I shouldn't insult the girl that got saddled with her."

"Why are you all so mean! Ritsuka make them stop!"

"Sorry, my hands are tied. It is the natural law of the world that all Tsuns must be treated this way."

"Whahahaha, I freaking love you guys, much more fun than the Warring States Period," Nobu intruded into the conversation.

"Nobody asked you, Fool!"

"Yes, this is rather fun," Quetz said. "But we should leave now for Uruk."

"To Uruk!"

Xxx

"You're back, I am so glad," Siduri said as she ran towards the group after they had entered through the gates and entered onto the rather empty street, which was pretty unusual as even at five o'clock there usually were a lot of people about.

"Miss Siduri, good to see you, but what's wrong?" Andy asked, since it was pretty clear something was up.

"It's his Majesty, he died while you were out," She answered.

"...Excuasorryme what?"

"Yes, what," Merlin said in agreement. "How did he die, Siduri? Such a thing should have been impossible, he even confined himself to the throne to avoid dying on the battlefield, and he should have enough defences to prevent an assassination."

"Yes, well, he, how do I say this. It seems that my King died from working himself to death, as I found him sitting still on the throne with a tablet in hand," Was Siduri's answer.

"WHHAAAA, that is actually possible, for it is, that is very relevant to my health!" Roman shouted from the armband. "But wait if it was that easy he should have died a dozen times over already!"

"Yes that is very true Archaman, now that I think back, Uruk did feel a bit strange when we left, Siduri? Have other people died while we were out?" Merlin asked.

"Yes, several others seemed to have died to what seems like nothing," She answered.

"Ah, that seems like Ereshkigal's doing," Quetz commented.

"So, really important question here, Ishtar can you bring him back like you said you could bring us back?" Andy asked the floating Goddess, having spent the entire conversation up to that point, making a noise like a dying bird being sucked into a vacuum cleaner while on fire.

"Yes, we just simply need to go to Kur and retrieve his soul, so Siduri, don't go and cremate the idiot's body," She said.

"Of course my lady Ishtar," Siduri said as she bowed before the Goddess.

"Alright, then we should go to Kutha, right? That's where I fell in, so it makes sense if we could get in from there, especially since it should probably kind-of register Ishtar as Erchkigal." Andy asked. "So we should go to Kutha like right now, right? Right?"

"Yep, though only I, you, Ritsuka and Mash can go, as your Servants would fall under her domain and Quetzalcoatl is a foreign Deity, and would be punished hard for intruding upon her territory," Ishtar explained.

"Alright, so let's go like right now, right? Since the longer G-man's dead, the worse off we all are right?" Andy asked, her panic showing through now.

"Yeah, he is needed because, despite my hate for him, he is a good administrator," Ishtar complained. "So, jump on, there is room for all of you."

"Thank you, Ishtar."

"You're very much welcome."

Xxx

"So how are we going to get to Kur?" Ritsuka asked as they landed in Kutha.

"Well last time I kind of just fell into a hole and was there, so I'm assuming there's either more cracks like that or a door or something, right Ishtarin?"

"Yep, though we're going to take the express route, so we're making our own hole," She said as she flew up into the air. "Lapiz cannon charged at forty percent, all magical energy focused."

And they all instantly felt a sense of dread. "Fire!" She shouted as the arrow of magical energy was fired, and the ground beneath them was cracked open.

Xxx

"Back here again," Andy muttered. "Colder than last time."

"Well, put this one on the list of things I didn't expect to experience, do you think if we walk far enough, we'll find Hell and Hades?" Ritsuka asked.

"I sure hope not," Andy said simply at the idea of having to deal with more Greek gods on top of the one they already had their hands full with. "Still better than HFIL."

"I don't think so either I was just making a reference to an LN series with shitty world-building," He said.

"So this is the Underworld? I thought that it would be in another dimension," Mash muttered.

"It will be later, but right now the Underworld, Earth, and Heaven exist within the same space," Ishtar said as she came gently flying down.

"Neat. So how should we find Gilgamesh? Find the place with the most sound and colour since he's probably causing a ruckus or somesuch?" Andy asked.

"We find him within the deepest depths, so we need to go through the Gates of Judgement to get there," Ishtar said.

"And we have a connection this time, how are you all doing? We see nothing wrong on our end," Came Da Vinci's voice instead of Roman's from the armband.

"How do we literally have better service in the Underworld than in like, anywhere else so far?" Andy asked in legitimate confusion.

"The place's Ether concentration is actually lighter than above ground, which doesn't muddle the signal as much," The genius answered. "Though that can change when you get deeper inside."

"Roger roger. So to these Gates of Judgement then, if you would lead the way O Ishtar."

"The first one is over there," Ishtar said as she pointed at the stone gate that was a little down the long stone road that was illuminated by all the soul cages.

"Neat."

"Okay then," Ritsuka said as they walked over to the gate.

"Souls of the living who have yet died, tell me how your soul should be," The gate spoke.

"The gates of the Underworld ask your fair and logical binary question meant to see if a person is good or evil. But good and evil are equal in value, so it makes no difference in the end as you will just get an annoying trial and or fight to do so just give the easier answer," Ishtar said.

"Now sinful Andy, answer me. Standards of beauty seem diverse but are absolute. Black wins over white, the earth wins over the heavens. Then Ereshkigal or Ishtar, who is more beautiful?"

"What the fuck that is a totally different answer from last time?"

"That is a very difficult question," Mash said in a dramatic tone of voice.

"Answer me."

"Hey Andy, there should be no hesitation, right? You obviously know what the right answer is don't you?" Ishtar asked as she placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm not hesitating I'm being interrupted," Andy said, before looking up at the gate. "Ishtar." She answered, since they literally had the exact same face as far as Andy had seen, so she had literally flipped a coin when no one was looking.

"Mahahahaha, Good going, Andy. It's not a hard choice. When one is a goddess of rot and decay, and the other one if one of beauty and bounty. This is a beauty contest, so of course, one thousand out of one hundred people would choose me," Ishtar said as she walked towards the gate.

And a second later she was struck by a bolt of lightning.

"WHAAAAAAAAA!" She screamed in pain as she was fried and charred.

"Nitwit," The gate said as she dropped to the ground.

"Is she okay?" Mash asked in concern as she went to hold up the Kentucky Fried Goddess.

Andy also went and did her best to level her charge just in case before speaking up again. "Sorry, I wasn't done speaking, I was trying to say 'Ishtar, the answer is obviously Ereshkigal, duh'."

"Ding, ding, Very well," The gate responded as it opened up.

"Ishtar, you fool," Andy told her unconscious body. "Ritsuka, you wanna carry her or should I?"

"Just throw her up on Maana," He said as the boat of heaven was just floating beside them.

"Right, floating cart," Andy said as she carefully laid Ishtar on the boat. "Onwards we go?"

"Yeah let's get going Senpai," Mash said.

And so they continued passing the gates with all of them having the theme of Ereshkigal is the right answer, which resulted in having to only fight some weak skeletons.

Though after the second gate, Ishtar woke up and after having passed through the third, they noticed that the Goddess was shrinking in size. As that was the cost for passing through the gate instead of getting stripped and then spear'd like she had been last time. And that continued to the point after the sixth, that she could now ride on Fou.

"So, the mighty Fishtartar has turned into a Fishstick," Andy noted, trying and failing not to laugh at Ishtar's height woes.

"Do you think I like this, I would rather be naked than this, at least that would be normal for me this is just humiliating, argh I can just imagine what that bastard is going to say when he sees this," She complained.

"Well, you've certainly got a big mouth, you little brat!...? Wait you've literally turned into a little brat. Fwahahahaha, now that is amusing!" A familiar voice spoke, and in an instant, she was picked up by the King in question. "So small, you're almost worth something now."

"You bastard, let me go!" She shouted as she tried and failed to escape.

"King G!"

"Good work coming to retrieve me, Andy, Ritsuka," He said.

"Huh, King Gilgamesh what are you doing here? We thought you had been captured by Ereskigal?" Mash asked.

"Heh. The Underworld is like my backyard. I know how things work down here. I've been here numerous many times before. I did accidentally die, but before the gallu spirits could take me to her, I hid in the shadows. There I held my breath and meditated and then… Presence Concealment EX. I got away and then ran into you guys," He said.

"Great, so now we just go back the way we came and then we can get you back to Uruk and your body in no time," Andy said.

"I am dead, so I am subject to Ereshkigal's laws, so we need her permission to leave, and I don't think she will without a fight. But of course, I will help you in that endeavour, I will show you the difference between the itty-bitty brat, and me, the King," He said.

"Great! So now we just need to go and have a civil discussion with Ereshkigal and then we can get you home." Andy said.

"Yes, work your magic on her, you've already begun to do so. And Ishtar, why are you so small? Did you finally decide that your appearance should reflect your insignificant existence?" Gilgamesh asked.

"Urgh it's Ereshkigal's fault she cursed me. Urgh, I knew I shouldn't have come to help save you."

"Whahaha, did you come to save me? Did I somehow die again and started hallucinating?"

"If that was the case we would have just left you here. Why don't you just drown in your own stupidity, Goldie? You're quite the swimmer, aren't you? You were so much absorbed in swimming that a serpent stole your precious herb of immortality."

"Argh, what a foul way of pointing out my traumatic past! Guess you are real," Gilgamesh said.

"Urgh you are the worst," Ishtar responded.

"Uhm could you two, please stop the Uruk Soap-Opera behind, we need to get to the seventh gate," Mash said.

"Yes, though first we have an intruder that does not belong here, and seem to have usurped the role of the sixth trial," Gilgamesh said.

"Wait what where?" Andy asked, Shatterthorn's currently bladeless hilt in hand as she looked around.

"Approaching us, just listen, and you can hear the thing," Gilgamesh said.

Andy took his advice, and from in front of them, she heard it the sound of rattling chains, and in that instant, she felt dread run down her spine as the cold atmosphere of the Underworld instantly changed to 'oh god why'.

It felt as if death was on them.

And from around the corner, it came, and it was something Andy had never seen before it looked like a person who was the executioner and also the one that was about to be executed, heavy chains clad its body and in its hands were two long pistols.

"Don't like that," Andy said as Shatterthorn's blade came out. "Don't like that thing one bit."

Xxx

A/N: If you like this or any other of my stories, you can donate to my P A Treon. com (slash) StreamingViking and read commissioned stories. Along with voting for which stories will be updated next via Polls. And chapters before they are released here.