Here is another chapter. I hope you guys will like it. Review and tell me your thoughts. I'd be more than happy to read them!
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Anyway, enjoy!
Chapter 140
Thexan took Laetitia out to get some fresh air. The jungles in Yavin 4 outside the Rebel Base were really beautiful. The best place to get your mind off of things and relax.
Thexan didn't say anything and just walked quietly with her. He could feel that she was feeling guilty for what happened with Borsk. But also, something he said in the interrogation room that made her like this.
It killed him to see her in this much pain and yet, be unable to do something about it.
"You shouldn't be happy. You don't deserve to be happy. After watching your whole life get destroyed because of you, causing everyone you met death, how do you smile?"
"You're just a Sith in Jedi robes. I have accepted who I am. You're too proud to do it. You're in denial."
"You have killed more people you have saved."
"Tu aras tave qorit iv visa iv mus ... Laetitia Skywalker."
"You shall never know peace."
"Though you stand tall and alone, others take shelter in the shadow that you cast."
"You say you came here to protect us but have you ever thought that maybe you are the reason we need protection? That you only do more harm by keeping people closer to you? You have already caused the entire Jedi Order to die! The children and the old. The innocent and the guilty."
No matter how Leah looked at the facts and thought about them, she figured they were right.
Barriss Offee, Ventress, Bendu, Borsk Fey'lya, Sidious ... All of them.
Was it selfish of her to want to have her friends and family? Was it wrong that she wanted to keep her friends?
She felt like she was cursed or something. Every time she found someone she cared about just a little bit, they ended up dead or worse.
Fives, Kix, Raven, Chuckles, Padme, Kitster, Obi-wan ... Anakin.
13 years ago, when Anakin turned to the dark side and the Jedi Order fell, she promised herself to never let herself get close to anyone. It was the only way she could think of to save mankind. When she shut everyone and everything out.
But she didn't do a good job of it. In the last 13 years, she may have found more people she needed to protect.
Ahsoka, Lux, Mina, Han, Chewie, Rex, Luke, … Thexan.
She had more people she needed to protect, and the only reason they needed protecting in the first place was because they knew her. They cared about her. They saw her!
What if Borsk was right and the only way to protect the ones she loved was to leave them?
"Okay. Stop." Thexan suddenly said as he stopped, which brought Laetitia back to reality.
"Stop what?" She numbly asked.
"Whatever it is Fey'lya told you that messed you up like this. Stop thinking about it. I don't know what he said, but I can promise you that they're a bunch of crap from a sadistic traitor who just wanted to hurt you in any way he could."
"He said a lot of things."
"He hated the Jedi and thought you as one. Don't let it get to you."
"He wasn't wrong, though." She quietly said.
She looked down with tears in her eyes. She knew he was right, but the guilt she felt in her heart was too much to see reason. Thexan's eyes were also filled with tears when he saw her like this.
"He was right. Barriss was right. Even Ventress was right." She chuckled wryly, trying to hide her tears.
"I'm the Sith in Jedi robes. A bad guy pretending to be the good guy. I don't deserve to have the things I have and the ones I love. The more I try to save those around me, the more I put them in danger. I don't realize that ... just by meeting anyone new, I make them a top priority kill hit for my dad." Leah stated weakly.
"Maybe I really am the end of all of us." She quietly added as she remembered what Bendu had told her. It was still in her head.
"If you put it like that, then I should be left alone for all the things me and my family have done." Thexan strongly said.
"But I'm not … because you're the one who taught me that you should give people a second chance, no matter how awful they've been. You have me a second chance ,and God knows that I don't deserve it. I mean, I was a Sith Lord. I've done things you can't even think of. But you found a way for forgive me and be my friend. I never thought that was possible." He smiled at the amazement of what she did to him.
Leah didn't seem to be affected by what he told her. She blamed herself and she was too stubborn to change her mind.
"You're a good person in heart. You deserve a second chance ... But me? Everything I touch is destroyed. Everyone I love are either dead or will end up dead. All the bad things happening to the Galaxy is my fault." She said.
"You know what you're problem is? You have this amazing ability to forgive people for all the horrible things they've done, but when it comes to yourself … you freeze. Don't be so hard on yourself." Thexan softly said.
"You don't take after your father at all. Not even a single hate cell. But I'm different. All I inherited from my father is the strong feeling of anger and hate. That's the only feeling I'm constantly feeling." Leah stated, laughing wryly.
Thexan gave her a soft look. She was wrong. She needed to forgive herself but she was too hard on herself to do it.
How could he make her see that?
"Do me a favor and channel some of your powers to the ground." He suddenly suggested.
Leah blinked in confusion.
"You can create or control midi-chlorians, right? You did it with me 4 years ago. Now, I want you to do the same thing, except the instead of me, you'll 'heal' the ground."
Laetitia frowned. She didn't see his point. Was he really asking her to waste her energy to ... 'heal' the ground? She decided to go along with it. She was already too weak to argue.
She sat on the ground and her hands touched the ground. With a little bit of concentration, she could feel the new-created midi-chlorians leave her body and enter the ground.
After a moment, she stood up and turned to Thexan, still not being able to see his point. Nothing was happening.
"Wait for it." He said to her impatient behavior.
Suddenly, the ground replaced the grass with small and colorful flowers. She didn't put that much energy to have full-grown flowers but the ground around them was filled with small flowers.
Leah smiled. She forgot all the negative feelings she felt as her mind was only focused on what she had done. By giving some midi-chlorians to the ground, she made the jungle full of flowers.
She had done the growth-process thing with single flowers or buds but never on the ground or a bunch of them. She never thought about it. Until he suggested it. Like before, he managed to put a smile of her face.
Leah stood still as a smiling Thexan walked closer to her.
"See? You are capable of doing innocent and beautiful things." He commented, smile not leaving his face.
Leah just shook her head, smiling.
"Violence isn't your birthright or your inheritance. It's something you survived because you are the opposite of that. You have an enormous will. An enormous heart. An enormous capacity for survival." He strongly said.
"You've taken all this darkness and used it to help other people who are walking through the same. You fight every day to help the kids who are hurting badly just hurt a little bit less. You've taken your darkest experiences that life gave you. You turned it around, and turned it into light." He stated softly.
"And if the man who was once your father doesn't want to see that, then that's on him. You may have darkness but the light in you has balanced that. I love Master, like my father … Technically, more than my father, 'cause my father is a ruthless monster, but that's not the point. I love Master, but he's an idiot for thinking you could ever turn to the dark side." He joked seriously.
Leah had tears in her eyes. She never looked at her life that way. She never thought to think positively about her negative life. She never thought she brought light into other people's lives.
"Here. Give me your hand."
Thexan suddenly grabbed her hands and placed them on his heart. She could feel his heart beating under her hands. She felt a bit awkward, but it was also comfortable. For some reason … she felt comfortable. Safe.
"This heart is beating right now because of you ... You were born to light up the world. Be kind to yourself. Never be afraid of who you are." He softly encouraged her.
Leah looked up and gazed at those blue eyes gazing back at her. He always found a way to see the light in her. To make her feel more than she was. To make her smile.
"You always see the light in me. How is that possible when there isn't any?" She asked.
He softly smiled, grabbing her hands.
"There is plenty. You'll see it, too … Someday." He softly replied.
Leah smiled and looked down.
Before anyone of them knew what was happening, their faces were so close that their lips were pressed onto another.
Done :)
Yess! Finally!
I thought about their first kiss a lot and this was the best I could come up with. I hope you guys aren't disappointed because I SUCK at writing romance. But the actual scene is in the next chapter, more elaborated, so don't be too disappointed.
And yes. What Thexan told Laetitia was partly from "Grey's Anatomy". It's my favorite quote and it made sense in the scene :D
