Chapter 157
Laetitia was sitting on the ground in her room. She had placed her hands on her chest, bowing to her lightsabers, which represented the Force.
She was trying to meditate. She always sucked at that and every time she opened herself up to the Force, she heard the screams of the Younglings and the people her father had slaughtered.
But she didn't care. She needed to find the balance in herself. She needed to be herself again.
"There must be both dark and light. I will do what I must to keep the balance, as the balance is what holds all life. There is no good without evil, but evil must not be allowed to flourish. There is passion, yet peace. Serenity, yet emotion. Chaos, yet order. I am a wielder of the flame. A champion of balance. I am a guardian of life ... I am a Gray Jedi." She muttered calmly.
A Gray Jedi ... Not a Sith or a Jedi. I am still a Gray Jedi. 'Laetitia Freaking Skywalker'.
"What are you doing?" A voice broke her thoughts.
Leah immediately turned around and saw Ahsoka.
"Meditating ... In Gray Jedi costume, we repeat the code as a mantra to strengthen our mind." She stiffened as she put the lightsabers away.
"I've known you for 20 years, and I've never seen you meditate. Jedi or Gray Jedi." Ahsoka stated. She sat in front of her and made her look her in the eyes.
"Never felt like I needed it." Leah simply said as she sighed sadly.
"So what is it?"
"I had a ... nice chat with Thexan." She slowly said.
"Did you?"
"Yeah."
Leah's frown only deepened when she figured it out. Thexan told Ahsoka of their conversation.
"He had no right to tell you." She angrily said as she stood up.
"Well, don't be so mad at him. You know how snippy I can get." Ahsoka smirked slightly.
"The question is, why didn't you? I mean ... we used to talk to each other about stuff like that. Why didn't you tell me you also saw something when you passed out? That you were on Mustafar and saw Padme again like you did for the first time? That you were having panic attacks?"
"I didn't want you to worry."
"You died, came back to life, only to be tortured by your possibly future brother-in-law, because I left you behind. I'm always gonna worry." She said.
Leah ignored her comment on Arcann.
'Future brother-in-law'. Ugh!
"I've been fighting a lot of things since I was born. Separatists, Imperials, smugglers, Bounty Hunters … But I don't know how to fight this one!" She cried out.
"And I should be able to, but … I'm weak. I'm not what I used to be. I feel frozen in my own body. How am I supposed to fight that?"
"Maybe by remembering that your fears don't define you. I mean, who you are as Laetitia Skywalker, what you do as Laetitia Skywalker … That's what defines you. And that is something no Palpatine can ever take away from you." Ahsoka strongly said.
"No, Laetitia Skywalker has taken a break for 3 years now, because who I am as Laetitia Skywalker is broken. I lost my life, which is new and never been done before. My father left me to be tortured for 3 years ..." She cracked.
She felt how shocked her father was when he felt her in the Force. So, was it really possible that he was behind what she went through for 3 years?
"Stripes, I am trying to feel like myself again. But everything that made me feel good, like practicing with PROXY, fixing broken things around me, flying, running towards danger, using the Force … Everything that felt like a relief is disappeared."
"You're not always gonna feel that way. I promise."
"I came back to my life. It's there, but ... I'm not. 3 years ago, I felt strong, even though a huge part of me was weeping because of dad and everything … But now? I don't even have that strength ... And I don't have that, what do I have?" Leah asked weakly as she cried quietly.
Ahsoka took a deep breath. She had no idea what she was going through and how to answer that.
"Us to have your back in times like this." She simply said.
Leah didn't say anything. She already knew that, and they were basically the reason why she was able to survive her ... 'experience' with Arcann.
"And Thexan, of course." Ahsoka added playfully, which caused Leah to roll her eyes.
There she goes again.
"Speaking of, you've left the guy hanging for 3 years. Don't you think it's time to give him an answer?"
Leah tried to hide her smile, but she wasn't doing very well.
"I will."
"Good. You deserve someone like him in your life. He is nothing if not a not-Palpatine." She seriously joked.
After talking with Ahsoka, Laetitia walked slowly to Thexan's room. Ahsoka was right. As much as Leah wanted to avoid that conversation, she wanted to let Thexan know where she stood. She wanted herself to know where she stood.
Leah reached the door. She took a deep breath, gathered her strength and courage and knocked the door.
"Come in!" She heard him say.
She slowly entered the room. Her eyes were searching for him, and she found him ... He was in the changing room, putting something, a bandage, on his body.
As soon as Thexan saw Leah, he quickly tried to put his clothes on. He thought it was Luke!
"Uh ... I can come back." Leah nervously said as she walked quickly towards the door.
"Oh, no! It's fine. I'm almost done."
Leah stopped but she didn't turn around. She just waited for Thexan to tell her when it was alright to. She remembered his body was covered in bruises.
"Is your body bruised because of me?"
She knew she had lost a bot control of her dark powers, but she didn't know it was that bad.
"It's not that bad. Trust me, I've gone through worse." He reassured her, but it wasn't working.
"You can turn around now."
Leah slowly turned around and opened her eyes. He had just put something on to wear something. it wasn't his complete robes.
"You feeling better?" Thexan broke the silence.
"Yeah. I'm ... uh ... feeling a lot better, thanks to you." Leah told him.
"Glad to hear it." Thexan honestly said. He was happy to hear that.
"So ... what are you doing here?" He asked in confusion.
Leah didn't know how to answer that one. She didn't know what she was doing, either.
"I don't know. I just ..." She trailed off.
Thexan shook his head. He assumed it was because she didn't want to be alone. She was scared to be alone. That was understandable.
"Listen, I know what you're going through ..." He tried to comfort her, but Leah's bitter scoff stopped him.
"I really hope you never do."
"Okay."
Leah paused. She needed to get some air to say what she wanted to say. For her, a duel with a Sith Lord would have been easier.
"I just ... wanna get away." She vaguely said.
"You can take some time off. Those 3 years you were away didn't exactly count as vacation." Thexan stated. He was actually the one who suggested it.
"I want to get away from everything." She continued.
"And everyone?" He added for her. He knew that she was struggling and it wouldn't have been easy, but did she really want to leave?
"That's how I felt, and a part of me still wants to feel like it, but ... that's not who I am. I don't quit. I fight until the end when we kick Palpatine's ass." She strongly said to convince herself.
Thexan smiled in relief. It was good to hear her being back to the person she used to be.
"Good. And we'll be here for you every step of the way."
"Thank you ... for reminding me of who I was, and giving me the strength to stand up again ... I know I have a lot of things to fight in the future, but ... I know I won't have to fight this one." Leah quietly said as she looked down.
"Nah, it was nothing. Don't mention it." He smiled.
Leah took a deep breath to continue.
"You know, I did see you." She suddenly said.
"Hmm?"
"In the 3 years when the pain just became too much, I'd imagine myself in another place and I'd go there ... And you were in every one of them. You, Luke, Ahsoka, Mina, Rex, Han ... sometimes Han." She joked to break the ice.
Thexan laughed. Han was annoying sometimes, but at the end of the day, he had a soft heart.
"So thank you ... for everything." She concluded everything.
Thexan just nodded. He really didn't mind.
"You ever imagines this would be the answer you got from me? You finally like a girl, and she runs away and leaves you hanging for 3 years." Leah pointed out.
"Hmm! Technically, I'm still waiting." He muttered loud enough for her to hear.
Leah rolled her eyes and looked him in the eye.
"Besides, I fell in love with you when you held me a prisoner to torture after I cut you with my lightsaber when we were kids and later, and after you blew up my brother. Somehow I knew that our love story wouldn't be filled with rainbow and unicorns." He sarcastically said.
Leah chuckled. That was true.
"Good point ..." She trailed off when she noticed something.
'Fell in love'.
Oh, that made her feel ... It was awkward to hear, and yet ... good. It was reassuring to hear that. Though it was the first time someone had said that to her aside from her dad, since when she was a 5-year-old little girl. It made her feel safe.
Thexan smiled and closed the distance between them.
"So? ... Are you here to give me an answer?" He mused.
Leah pressed her lips together and just gazed at him. His blue eyes were shiner than ever. Smile couldn't leave her face
"What?" Thexan finally asked.
"Nothing. It's just ... I'm glad I have you to look after me ... I know I don't always make it easy." Leah admitted quietly.
"Well, nothing worth doing is ever easy." He quietly said.
Leah tried to hide her smile, but she no longer could. Before Leah could gather her thoughts that were all over the place, Thexan slowly placed him arms around her. He bent back her head across his arm and kissed her, softly. Leah didn't resist and just let herself drown in his arms.
She just closed her eyes, and before she could control it, she was kissing him back.
Thexan's kiss stole the words she had prepared to say, but no longer needed to. In that silence, all of their secrets were laid on the table, all of their passions and the spark of love that existed between them.
In that moment, in Thexan's love, Laetitia was strong. She felt strong. One kiss and she had the courage to do what she wanted and go back to who she used to be.
Luke and Han were in the main room, eating breakfast. Ahsoka was with her family, Rex was checking up on the Rebels on patrol, and Laetitia was ... no where to be found. Luke could feel that she wasn't in danger, so he didn't bother looking for her. He knew that wherever she was, she didn't want to be found.
"Han?" Luke broke the silence.
"What's wrong, buddy?" Han replied tiredly between eating.
"Do you think Leah's gonna be alright?"
Luke's pure concern for his sister snapped Han back to reality. He stopped eating and just sighed. They were all worried about her.
"She may not be alright now, or for a while, but she will bounce back. You'll see. I've known her sine she was a memory-less 5-year-old kid all alone on her way to Tatooine. She's strong enough to survive that bastard's nightmare." He strongly said to convince Luke. He was sure about that himself.
Luke just shook his head, trying to convince himself. He knew Leah was strong, but ... was she strong enough to go back to who she was?
Suddenly, Laetitia joined them around the table. Luke just nodded, acknowledging her presence and not asking any questions. But Han narrowed his eyes at her. There was something ... different about her.
He stood up and pulled her aside. He just kept his mouth open and his eyes were ... happily weird? She wasn't sure.
"You okay? Your face is frozen in a creepy smile." Leah asked weirdly.
"You got laid, didn't you?" He bluntly asked as he blinked on purpose.
Leah tried to act as normal as she could. She didn't want to answer that question, because last night, for the first time in 16 years, she had no nightmares. She didn't want to let anyone else know, so they would talk about it and ruin everything.
"What the hell are you talking about?" She quickly asked.
"You did, didn't ya?" He pressed, creepy smile not leaving his face.
Leah just looked away and made sure that Luke wasn't listening in. He wasn't. She just turned around, ready to give up. Han had more experience in that field.
"How could you possibly know that?" She muttered in embarrassment and irritation.
"Oh, you're definitely doing the walk of shame, sister ... Let me guess. Actually I don't have to ... Thexan?" Han sneakily asked.
Leah just pressed her lips together and refused to answer. Apparently, everyone knew about their ... connection, besides her.
"Laetitia!" Rex shouted from behind as he entered the room.
Leah, who was more that thankful for the interruption to their awkward conversation, just quickly walked away from Han.
"What is it, Rex?"
He looked out of breath and nervous. Leah hadn't seen him like that since the Clone Wars and Order 66. What could have happened.
"It's Darth Vader ... We've ... captured him!"
Done :)
Whooo! This was a long chapter. A lot of things happened in it.
Thexan and Laetitia finally took their relationship to the next level! It was about time :D
Ooh! Darth Vader is captured by the Rebellion! OMG! Like that can happen every day. Poor Leah ... Just when she was having a day for herself.
What do you think happens?
